


Beyond The Walls | AOT Boys x Reader

by Eiri



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Multiple Endings, Original Character Death(s), Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-03-19 18:01:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 43
Words: 248,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3619128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eiri/pseuds/Eiri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joining the 105th Trainees Squad, and hailing all the way from the inner walls of Sina, (F/n) (L/n) already had enough to deal with, what with two protective best friends and a dream to fulfill, judgmental stares, military training, and the ever so present threat of the titans threading the outside world. Throw in a little romance, one corporal, and six boys into the mixture, and there we go.</p><p>Good luck with your life, cadet.</p><p>An AOT Boys x Reader story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Girl From Sina

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, thank you for trying this out!
> 
> This is my first try at a (reader-insert) fanfiction, and this is loosely based on the canon storyline of Attack on Titan. Instead of the 104th Trainees Squad, the reader begins training for the 105th, and the timeline is set about one year after graduation of the 104th, so hints of the anime may be mentioned, but nothing too much at least.
> 
> The age of the reader in this story is vaguely mentioned, if at all, though I personally think of the reader as aged 17/18 or more just to be safe.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I hope you enjoy! ^^

All you really wanted right now was to sleep. You didn't care if you had a dreamless one, in all honestly though, you favored the option since if you did have dreams, there was a 9 out of 10 chance you'd get a gruesome nightmare and that was something you'd tell some other day.  
  
But right now, though, you didn't care. Nightmare or not, you just wanted to sleep.  
  
A glance at the clock by your bedside table caused an immediate groan to escape your lips as you once again forced your eyes shut. The idea of giving your head a good whack against the headboard on your bed was something you've been considering since you realized, after the first hour in bed, that you weren't going to get some sleep tonight.  
  
Right now, you wished you would've done just that, but the thin walls and your parents sleeping on the next room was something that kept you from doing so.  
  
 _"Fuck."_  
  
You silently hissed to yourself as you noticed the slight orange hues slowly spreading across the sky outside the window of your room.  
  
Normally you'd get yourself a good 4 hours of sleep and that was something you hated. But between 4 hours and no hours, you'd gladly pick the 4.  
  
It wasn't like you had no reason to be unable to sleep. There were some days were that would be the case, but it wasn't the case right now; and if the butterflies on your stomach was anything to go by, you just had a terrible case of anxiety.  
  
Anxiety because finally, today, and not to mention all the reasoning you had to do, you're going to be a trainee for the 105th Trainees' Squad along with your two best friends and you won't stop at nothing until you get to see what's beyond that damn wall.  
  
You felt your eyelids drooping, and a content smile started to form on your lips, welcoming sleep to finally consume you when rapid footsteps echoed through the halls and suddenly the door to your room was violently opened, revealing a certain auburn haired girl that came storming in to pull off the covers from your shivering body.  
  
"Morning (F/n)!" She squealed.  
  
You looked up to her sparkling hazel orbs and noticed a tuft of beige by the door frame, arms crossed and eyes locked to your sleep-deprived and pissed off frame.  
  
"Well looks like someone slept soundly last night." The boy said in a monotone, a smirk gracing both your visitors' features.  
  
"Well, fuck you too Devan." You spat back and turned to the girl by your bedside, fixing her smirk with a glare.  
  
"Come on, (F/n)!" The auburn haired girl ruffled your bedhead and chuckled at the mess that was your hair. "I'm nervous too, in fact..." her voice trailed off as she glanced at the boy by the door frame. "We didn't really get to sleep as well."  
  
She gave you a genuine smile and you playfully smacked her hand off your hair as you snatched your covers from your friend's hands and tossed it on the bed.  
  
Standing up, you grumbled as you felt some joints pop and you proceeded to grab the bundle of clothes you've prepared the night before and a white towel scrunched up in the nightstand chair.  
  
"Honey?"   
  
All three people in the room looked to the source of the voice to see your mom peering in the room and smiling at your uninvited guests.  
  
She was used to it by now, you guess. I mean, you don't really get surprised the 70th time around. The first time with the Military Police at the crack of dawn was something you wouldn't want to experience again.  
  
"Yeah?" You shot a smile her way.  
  
"Breakfast will be ready in 15." She beamed. "Erian and Devan can stay for breakfast, and the cart to pick you guys up will be here in an hour."  
  
"Sweet!" Erian squealed yet again.  
  
You didn't listen in on their conversation anymore as you proceeded to do your morning routine in the bathroom. Their voices muffled by the walls and the warm water soothing your aching back.  
  
By the time you left the bathroom and finished combing your (h/l) (h/c) locks, the smell of fresh bread and apples invaded your senses. Erian and Devan were idly chatting on the floor. Your bed fixed, and a leather bag hanging from the chair on your nightstand.  
  
"You know I could've done that myself." You spoke, eyes trained on the bag packed with what you could only assume as the necessities you'd need for the new life in the military.  
  
"Course you can!" Erian said, standing up and helping Devan do the same. "It's just that I can't sit still y'know?"  
  
You raised an eyebrow at her.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I was just sitting a while ago, but I meant that metaphorically." She defended herself. Devan struggling to stifle a laugh that failed terribly.  
  
You flashed a smile their way as you tossed your nightgown to the bin for laundry and exchanged the bag with the towel, then proceeded to link your arms on your two best friends and together, awkwardly trudged down the staircase, leaving your comfortable bedroom for the dining room which was connected to the kitchen.  
  
"You kids can eat first." Your mother said as you entered the kitchen. "I'll go back up, but I'll see you guys off." She gave a sad smile, but before you could soothe her, she had walked past you and was walking up the stairs.  
  
You sighed as you stared at the plates of food before you.  
  
Eyes scanning the content faces of two important people in your life as you ripped a piece of bread and stuffed it in your mouth. Looking back, you never would've guessed you three would be here, happily chatting away and dreaming of a life outside the walls.  
  
Devan and Erian were survivors of the breach to Wall Maria. They never really talked much about their past, but through the snippets of conversation you concluded they were from a part of Shiganshina, meeting each other in the boat that sent whoever could be saved into the inner walls. They lost their families in the process and you could only imagine the pain and fear they felt to see horrid creatures eat away what was most important to them.  
  
They struggled to live, eventually ending up in the underground city below Stohess and was caught by some bastards who tried to sell them off as slaves. You were 10 when you met them, carrying loaves of bread in their little hands while running away from a pissed off shop vendor and you would've left them since you knew they would've made it out safely, but that was until you caught a glimpse of a green unicorn.  
  
And unlike most girls your age at the time, the unicorn wasn't a good thing. It never was.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"(F/n)?"  
  
You were walking along side your mother when two kids came running past you, tears evident in their eyes as they ran. Obviously, scared for their lives.  
  
"Mom..." You glanced up at her and with just one look she understood what you wanted to do. Letting you do it though, was another story altogether.  
  
"We need to get home. Let's go (F/n)."  
  
You glanced down at your feet, biting your bottom lip and willed yourself to walk when you heard someone shout as they whizzed past you.  
  
"Those fucking shits! Wait till I get my hands on them!"  
  
You turned around and saw a glimpse of the Military Police, guns on their hands and violent cussing pouring from their mouths.  
  
Before you could register what you were doing, the basket of apples you were carrying has spilled on the streets and you were sprinting, your mother's worried tone desperately commanding you to come back, but you couldn't care less. You didn't know what you were planning to do and how things were going to play out, but you couldn't take the crying faces of the kids away from your memory.  
  
It wasn't that long until the Military Police had stopped chase in an isolated area and you thought everything was fine until you saw a bundle of auburn hair being gripped tightly by one hand and a boy with a huge gash on his arm.  
  
"Do you shits even know the work you're giving us!" A Military Police soldier spat, cocking his gun. "Scum like you should die!"  
  
You knew very well he wouldn't shoot, but how much did you really know these pigs? Not much, that's for sure. You didn't know how long you were running for but you must've guessed it has been a while, and you weren't going to just give up now.  
  
You sprang to your feet and in a matter of seconds the soldier had dropped the gun, your teeth clamping tightly on his hand and the taste of iron disgusting you.  
  
"The fuck?!" You felt someone pull you (h/c) hair hard enough that tears were dripping from your eyes and you let go of the bloody hand, taking a stance in front of the scared children looking at you in awe and fear.  
  
"T-they're my friends!" You spat, fiddling on the small drawstring bag tied on your waist and you mustered all the strength you could to fling the bag to the greedy sorry excuse for soldiers.  
  
"I-I was supposed to meet them at the shop to buy the bread but I got lost! I'm sorry!" You shouted.  
  
Here's to hoping they'd take the excuse.  
  
They took the drawstring bag you threw them and opened it to see coins, a lot of them. You'd have a lot of apologizing to do later to your mother, but what's a lot of coins compared to people's lives?  
  
"This better not happen again." You hear a Military Police grumble under his breath as he turned around with his fellow men and left you.  
  
You felt proud of yourself, even if your legs felt like they were going to snap at any given moment. You had almost forgotten of the children you saved until a shaky voice called on to you. A voice laced with anger and confusion.  
  
"Why... why did you do that?"  
  
You turned around to see the boy with dark brown eyes staring at you. Defending the shaking girl behind him.  
  
"I don't... really know." You answered truthfully.  
  
"You should've just let them!" He shouted, earning a few looks from the passersby. "I don't want to go back!" He trembled. "They're going to kill us anyway, whoever we go to, we're just useless scum! You didn't help at all! You just made us suffer longer! Just because you're a girl from Sina you think you're so good! I hope a titan fucking eats you!"  
  
You felt anger welling inside of you and before you knew it, your hand made contact with the boys face, shutting him up. You never felt this angry your whole life.  
   
"Just because I live in Sina doesn't give you the right to judge me!" You screamed. "Sorry if I made your life worse! I only wanted to help because I didn't want to see someone die! I hope a titan fucking eats me too because that's better than living in this stupid wall for the rest of my life!"  
  
You dropped to your knees and started bawling your eyes out. You were determined to continue but you felt a hand ruffle your hair and you were met with hazel eyes and a bright smile.  
  
"Sorry..." She says with a shaky voice.  
  
And before you could say anything your face was cupped in your mother's hands and she was staring into your teary (e/c) pools, worry and anger painting her features, but worry being the most evident. So there you four were, three children and one adult, crying as if you felt each other's pain, which you probably did.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"(--F/n)?"  
  
After that incident the two people you saved were given shelter by your father who was a merchant of some sort and had enough money to buy a small room in a friend's house. Since then you three have been inseparable, and let's not forget them breaking into your house out of worry because you were down with the cold. What with all the broken glass and the horror of seeing two figures wailing in pain in your room at about 2 in the morning.  
  
"(F/N)!!!"  
  
Someone shook your shoulders and you snapped out of that memory replaying in your head.  
  
"What is it Erian?" You sighed, trying to muster as much a bored tone as you could.  
  
"Who were you thinking of hmm?" She said teasingly to which your response was pinching her cheek. Hard.  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Oho!" She beamed. "Was is that guy from the other day?"  
  
"I said shut up." You grumbled. "And there was no guy from the other day!"  
  
"Dev! Help me here!" Erian managed to get out of my painful grip and rubbed her cheeks while trying to bring the beige haired boy in the conversation.  
  
"Leave me out of it." He deadpanned.  
  
One of the reasons why you loved Devan. Well, not the romantic kind of love, but anyway, you respected and favored this attitude of his to not stick his nose in things unless it's something that needs attention or something that might harm the only family he has left (you and Erian).  
  
"Were you thinking of Devan?"  
  
"I will skin you alive." Both Devan and you said in monotone, crossing your arms and sending the best death glare you two could muster to your little auburn friend.  
  
"You guys are no fun!" Erian crossed her arms in an effort to mimic your actions.  
  
"Thanks." you said, smirking at her as she puffed her cheeks out some more.  
  
This could have gone on all day and it was something that you enjoyed doing. But of course, all great things would have to come to an end as your mother appeared on the kitchen doorway and hurriedly ushered you three to come outside.  
  
There wasn't any time allotted for goodbyes and not like you needed a reason to cry. It wasn't something to be proud of but you kept your emotions in control after that meeting with your two best friends, and you haven't cried since then, save for a few really heartwarming moments.  
  
Now you were feeling the butterflies on your stomach again, but this time it was more turbulent. After a while, you absentmindedly found yourself gripping the hands of your two friends, the said two looking at each other before flashing a smile at your sleeping form and squeezing your hand back.  
  
Finally. The moment when you three were going to go beyond the wall wasn't such a distant dream anymore. Of course there was the training, the hope of possibly getting in the top 10 for the heck of it, and the bubbling excitement in meeting the previous 104th squad you will be preceding.  
  
You heard a lot about that squad. They were most likely older than you three by a year or two, but it's not like it really mattered. You will finally get to meet the people who were a huge part of humanity's first victory, and they were fresh graduates by then. If you guys were even able to get in the Survey Corps, then you could probably meet Commander Erwin or Humanity's Strongest Soldier himself. Probably even the titan shifter you heard about, which strangely didn't irk you, considering he's practically part titan.  
  
You've come this far and you were sure as hell you aren't leaving without the wings of freedom on your back. Little did you know, however, that training and titans weren't the only things you had to trouble yourself about. In fact, they were going to be the least of your troubles.


	2. Sparring, Laps and Band-aid

You were all standing in a fine line, hands stiffly set on your sides, and your eyes were trained on whatever it is on the space in front of you. From the corner of your eye, you could see Erian biting her lip two people away from your right, and a little farther to her right was Devan, although you couldn't really see him because you didn't want to risk getting embarrassed on your first day in training.

The man that seemed to be the head instructor of the 105th Trainees Squad was a very intimidating man and with every moment his lips are parted, a horde of insults is dropped, but you weren't phased by him. Okay, maybe a little, but you weren't going to give in to fear.

You did a little studying back at home with Erian and Devan. How you got information was confidential. If confidential meant snooping around your house and looking at some files on your father's study. How he has them, you had an idea as to why but never questioned it.

Keith Shadis, 12th Commander of the Survey Corps, meaning he was in command when Wall Maria was lost to the titans on 845. He is a good man, and has a high respect for humanity, though probably not as daring as the current commander is.

Your eyes wandered off into the distance, a bit confused to see some people in Scouting Legion uniforms sitting by the shade, they looked almost your age, chattering quietly and judging the new recruits.

_"Could they possibly be...?"_ You inwardly said as you tried to squint your eyes to see them a bit clearly, but the glint from the sun and your will to not break your concentration on the important task of staying calm was proving it a difficult feat.

Before you could further be distracted though, your thoughts were cut off by a loud voice that you knew so very well, and you couldn't help but glance at her direction discreetly. A bit surprised at the confidence it displayed.

"Erian Castell, from Stohess!"

At the mention of where she lived, you heard some of your fellow trainees whispering behind you. This also seemed to catch the attention of some of the people you were looking at earlier. At one glare from the instructor however, the eerie silence reappeared.

"Well then," You could hear him scoff. "What's a pig like you doing over here?!"

"Tired of being cattle sir!" Erian shouted in the midst of a perfect salute.

"Oh?" Shadis leaned in closer to her and she kept his gaze with a determined look of her own. "You pigs from Sina are worse than cattle though, why don't you go back inside that damn wall where you belong!"

"In the presence of a titan, everyone is fair game!" Erian spat back and held his gaze once more.

You were afraid she would snap his neck in two at any given moment now. You three knew Shadis was probably just acting things out to toughen up the new recruits, but even this is a bit too much. Thankfully though, Shadis seemed content enough of interrogating Erian and had moved down the row. Making you a bit more anxious at the erratic way he's moving about.

After a while of hearing cowering voices and degrading shouts, another familiar voice was heard and another wave of muffled whispers swept through the field, this time a level lower than some time ago.

"Devan Ixtovia, from Stohess!" You heard the crisp voice of you friend as he offered what you hoped was a perfect salute. You guys had been practicing, hopefully the countless hours of teasing each other's lousy excuses for a salute had stuck in your memories.

"Again?" You heard Shadis shout, silencing the mumbles.

You zoned out from their conversation because you knew Devan could handle interrogation like breathing by now. Instead you focused on the figures standing in the shade, chattering to each other once again and every so often, glancing at your two friends. You were too distracted you almost didn't notice a figure striding to where you stood. Almost. A good thing you were paying attention, even if just a little as you averted your gaze from the group of spectators and your eyes locked on to a pair of intimidating ones.

"What's your name cadet?!" He said impatiently.

'I suddenly feel sorry for Devan and Erian.' You thought as you gave your own version of a perfect salute and met his eyes with the same intimidating aura he was trying to give off.

"(F/n) (L/n), sir!" You shouted.

"Where did you come from? What are you doing here?!" He spat question after question and so you tried to answer in the same manner.

"Stohess! I am here to offer my life for the sake of humanity's victory against the titans, sir!"

"Then you'll be titan fodder on the next expedition then!" He shouted, to which you successfully tried to stop yourself from flinching. You aren't going to let some half-assed interrogation session ruin your chances of seeing the outside world. Not now, not ever.

"I don't plan on dying sir!" You shouted, determination showing in your (e/c) eyes.

"Hmm..." He leaned in closer to you that it seemed as if he was staring into your soul. "Then join the Military Police!" He shouted.

"The Military Police are pathetic excuses for soldiers. Uncultured pigs." You gritted your teeth as your mind flashed back to the events that led you, Devan and Erian together. "I will join the Survey Corps and kill the titans as long as my limbs are intact, sir!" You shouted as loud as you could, never breaking eye contact with Shadis'.

"Well good luck with that." He mutters and moves onto the next row, after instructing your row to turn around and maintain position.

You let out a deep sigh of relief, it took you a little while to realize you've been taking some deep breaths for a while now and your knuckles were turning white. Looking to your right, you see Erian peering from the two people separating you and flashed a smirk your way to which you responded with your own smirk.

You probably took the interrogation too personal, but Shadis' parting words that signaled the end of your torment felt like he actually meant well in wishing you the best in getting into the Survey Corps and that was something that made you smile.

At least you've got one thing done, who knows what other things could happen on the short 3 years you were going to train. Even though you seemed confident enough on the outside, the inner you was another story altogether. You breathed in and pretended to fix your boots. You never understood why they were needlessly long, but it's not like you cared, and this wasn't really your focus right now.

While attempting to look natural and concerned on a speck of dirt, you quickly glanced on the group of people behind you and you stood up in a stiff manner again as if nothing happened.

Were you probably thinking too much? No one was looking at you, but you couldn't shake off the feeling of a couple pairs of eyes piercing holes on the back of your head.

They weren't out of hatred, that much you could point out. Admiration? No. Disgust? Not quite. Fear? Yeah right. Why would people from the 104th ever fear you anyway?

"Alright, Cadets!"

You and the horde of mentally scarred trainees stiffened up at the sound of your instructor's voice as he situated himself in front of you all. His back against the tortuous sun that was slowly burning your eyeballs.

"Each one of you, grab a wooden dagger." He said with a stern face, holding a wooden instrument on his hand and gesturing towards a crate that magically appeared beside him, that, or you weren't paying enough attention to see a boy with a buzz cut leave it there. Which you saw, might I add. Even if done absentmindedly, your observation skills were quite good, of course that came with a price though.

"Find a sparring partner. The winner is whoever manages to swipe the dagger from the other."

And with that, the intimidating man proceeded to take himself away from your faces and walked over towards the Survey Corps members behind you. Probably to scold them for slacking off?

"Hand to hand combat right off the bat eh (F/n)?"

You barely caught the dagger thrown your way and turned to see Devan with a smile, throwing his dagger into the air to catch it over and over again.

"Don't you think they're a bit too light?" He smirked as you gave a chuckle.

"Where's Erian?" You said, planting your feet onto the ground.

"She's got a friend now. Her sparring partner... Ysavelle?" He muttered, a bit unsure. "Anyway, ready?"

He got into his fighting stance as you did the same.

"I always am?" You gave him a smug grin as you gripped the dagger tightly on your hand and dashed at the enemy with full speed.

Okay, he's not really your enemy, but this is a drill, and even if it is just a drill, slacking off was something you didn't want to do. Let the others play around. You had a goal to reach and that was something you needed to achieve. You swiftly slashed the dagger, eyes focused on your target. A bit thankful that Devan is quick with his feet, but that's going to be hard to beat when you plan on winning.

"That all you got?" He blocked another stab from you with the side of his blade and hit your stomach with his knee. A hint of worry painting his features at the pained expression you showed when his knee collided with your stomach.

The dozen of times you've been training with Devan and Erian has proved that they weren't people you could underestimate. But hey, you're not backing down either.

You quickly registered the ground that was quickly getting nearer and nearer to your form and in a panic, you stretched your arms out to make contact with the dirt, giving yourself a good balance, and you swung your leg to the side.

In the corner of your eye, you concluded that the kick will most likely hit Devan on the head so you lowered the kick a little so it hit his shoulder instead.

"You didn't need to hold back, y'know." He muttered as he massaged his shoulder and winced every so often.

"Right. Sorry." You sheepishly say as you got back in position.

Not noticing the eyes you were drawing into your little fight, you continued spouting friendly insults at each other, not even noticing a certain girl pull her red scarf to her face as she stares amused at your bickering. You were in the middle of lunging back after deflecting a kick from Devan with your wrists when suddenly you stopped dead in your tracks.

Memories quickly flashing through your head.

Knives. A table. The strong smell of cigarette.

Your head throbbed and your grip on the dagger tightened.

"(F/n)?"

Someone called, but you were far too off in your own world to notice. Too far off to notice Erian had stopped sparring and was staring at your direction. She and Devan had a hunch as to what was going on, but they hoped they were wrong. Normally it would only occur at night. It never happened in bright daylight.

'Fuck... Not right now!' You mentally cursed to yourself but the images kept coming.

The horrid nightmares.

Chains... Cries for help. Splattered blood that painted the walls.

The memories.

The thick smell of rotten flesh and the stench of iron.

"Oi, are you alright?"

You felt a hand touch your shoulder and you flinched. Eyes scanning around you and you were met with hair of two shades, the top ash-brown and the bottom a darker shade of brown. Intense light brown eyes staring into you.

"Hmmph..." He scoffed, crossing his arms. "If you people from Sina aren't gonna take things seriously then just drop out or something. Can't believe I ever considered being a MIlitary Police once."

At his words, you snapped back to reality, but there was another thing that snapped too, and that was whatever bit of tolerance you were trying to keep. In a matter of seconds you had the guy pinned to the ground, right arm twisted from behind slightly and with a little push you were sure to snap it like a twig.

"If you want to keep talking shit, then leave my friends out of it." You grit your teeth in annoyance and applied a small pressure on the arm you were holding, causing the guy to give out a whimper.

"They came from Shiganshina. They didn't fucking choose to be sold in the underground as slaves in Stohess to almost lose their lives to some Military Police swine!"

You were really just one millisecond to breaking the guy's arm, which was something you didn't really want to do. So you were thankful when a pair of strong hands peeled you off the boy by the collar and you were once again met with sullen, intimidating eyes. Rage coating them this time.

"CADET (F/N) (L/N)!"

You gave a pained grunt as you felt pressure from the fabric at the back of your neck. Only now had you realized the commotion you were causing.

Erian was running over to you, Devan protectively standing near you, but didn't know when to intervene. The mop of ashy brown hair rubbing his elbow and quite a few people were terrified as they saw the fight unfold. On the far corner, still near the shade, members of the 104th Trainees Squad were looking at you, a certain teal eyed boy looked a bit too enthusiastic at the pain you inflicted his comrade with. Others, you couldn't really tell.

"Did your parents not educate you in respecting your superiors!" Shadis shouted and you swear your eardrums just broke.

"Go run laps around the base." He harshly let go of your collar and you barely managed to stand straight. Your legs feeling like jelly from the embarrassment of causing a commotion on your first day and from attacking a superior.

"NOW!"

"But sir there's a rea-!"

You swiftly extended your arm towards Erian, hoping she got the message you were trying to tell her and that she would follow it.

You gave out the best salute you could come up with, despite your legs that you couldn't feel and your slightly shaking hands that didn't go unnoticed by a certain auburn and beige.

"Yes, sir!"  
  
You respectfully shouted as your turned around and started sprinting to your first lap, but before you started your punishment, you shot a reassuring smile to your two worried friends and mouthed to them.

"I'll be fine."

\---------------------------------------------------------------

You had no idea how long you've been running or how many laps you've done (you lost count by 47), but you guessed it has been hours since then because the sun has started to set and you were slowly getting engulfed by a calming darkness.

Surprisingly, your jelly legs have become quite accustomed to the torture you've been putting it through. The first 20 laps made you feel like someone was driving a nail through them, but after the 30th or so, it became so numb that you were willing to bet you wouldn't even feel it if it wanted to detach itself from your body.

Grunting, you passed the tall tree you used to mentally mark your laps with. Congratulating yourself for another lap well done to soothe your pathetic self.

A cough was heard and you stilled. Instincts kicking in as you listened for anything that will tell you if you were just imagining things or there really was someone observing you.

"Cadet (L/n)."

Your tense muscles relaxed at the voice. At least you knew it wasn't going to hurt you for no reason at all.

"Sir." You sternly said, fixing your gaze at the man who appeared out of the shadows.

"That is enough." He said, turning around to the direction of the mess hall. "Dinner is being served, you may retire to the mess hall."

You gave a salute although his back was turned to you, but you assumed he knew what you were doing since he waved his hands as a signal that you could drop the formalities for today.

With a heavy sigh, you limped to the mess hall. Every step you took sending a shoot of pain through you. Now that the running was done, your legs started to cramp and the numbness was going away.

"You stupid..."

You couldn't bare to finish your sentence as you reached the door to the mess hall.

Instantly, you straightened your posture, palm against the door, preparing to open it and stride like you didn't run for what seemed like a century. You knew for a fact that your two childhood friends would be worried. They looked up to you too. You weren't going to let those hopes go down the drain with a simple punishment.

You weighed down the options of grabbing a quick bite or going to the dorms to pass out in the bed.

The second option seemed too tempting, if not for your friends who you knew would be worried sick right now, and a certain two-tone haired boy you had to respectfully and properly apologize too.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, with a push of your hand, you entered the mess hall, whose muffled noises came to a standstill as you walked past the door. A fake confidence and a stoic expression on your face.

It was like you never ran in the first place, and they probably would have thought that too, if not for the traces of dried mud that stuck to the sole of your boots and your slightly damp hair.

"(F/N)!"

You saw Erian stand from her chair, her food barely touched as she strode towards you and tackled you with a tight hug.

You patted her back and she reluctantly peeled herself away from you to drag you towards the table she was sitting with Devan and her sparring partner, a wavy raven haired girl by the name of Ysavelle, who welcomed you with a smile on her face.

"You were really cool earlier!" The raven quipped. "I'm Ysavelle Faust!"

"Now's not really the time Ysavelle..." Erian managed to say but you sent a smile their way and looked at Erian's friend.

"I'm (F/n) (L/n)." You said.

"So... Do you want me to go grab a tray for ya?" Erian said, nudging your arm.

You shook your head and scanned the room. It was starting to get noisy again, but a particular table was seemingly quiet despite the noises it made. That particular table being that of the 104th Trainees Squad members who joined the Scouting Legion. You grumbled something inaudible to anyone else's ears and you stood up abruptly, wincing as your leg hit the side of the table as you did. Luckily no one seemed to have noticed except the people at your table.

"(F/n)?"

Ysavelle looked at you with a confused stare, Erian and Devan on the other hand, proceeded to eat their meals more calmly now after giving you a look, knowing very well what you wanted to do. And with a quick nod, you strode off to your superior's table.

Each step you take diminishing the sounds erupting from the room, and completely succumbing to silence as you stood in front of the side of the table, a certain light brown eyed boy flinching at your sudden course of action.

_'Great (F/n), the squad you admired so much and on your first meeting you've managed to land on their bad side.'_

You cursed at yourself as you felt eyes protruding you from all sides of the room. You took a deep breath and your next action took everyone by surprise. Well, excluding your childhood friends who knew that despite the uninterested look to try to give off people, you were deep down a kind person who doesn't want to get in on anyone's blacklist.

"I'm very sorry for my brash actions earlier, sir!"

You said, a bow that almost had your head at level with the tabletop accompanied your words, after what seemed like forever, you looked up, your eyes met with a small untreated cut on the cheek of the person whose arm you almost snapped earlier. It was no more than an inch in size, but it might get infected.

With a worried glance, you quickly reached for something on your left trouser pocket, and pulled out a band-aid. Fiddling with the paper film on it, you were able to take it off and then pasted the strip of adhesive onto the still shocked boy's cheek. Biting your bottom lip as your thumb was running over the strip to make sure you pasted it without any dents or crinkles.

And the next things you said and did further shocked the people on the room (except of course, Devan and Erian), much more a set of boys whose eyes have been glued to you since the moment you fell in line with the new recruits.

"You should probably get it treated later. It's small but kind of deep?" You gave an apologetic smile, the embarrassment and pain from the punishment just hitting you now and you felt a bit frustrated to the point of tearing up. "Get well soon sir Kirschtein." You finished, your sweet smile reverting back to a stoic expression as you offered a salute before swiftly turning around to head back to the dorms.

"(F/n)? What about dinner?" Erian called.

"I'll pass." You simply said, closing the doors to the mess hall and ignoring the grumbling sounds your stomach made. All you wanted to do was to drop into your bed right this second and wake up the next morning for training. It was unknown to you and your friends though, that unintentionally, you left the mess hall leaving the boys of the 104th a blushing mess.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

"Oho! Looks like horseface has a crush!" Spat a brunette girl only loud enough so the people on her table would be the only ones to hear her discovery, whilst eating a freshly steamed potato as per usual. "She's pretty too... hmm... what if she likes you too?" She smirked.

"Shut up, Sasha!" The boys in the table said in perfect synchrony. Even a soft-spoken blonde joined in.

"There's no way in hell that I like her!"  
"There's no way in hell she'll like a horseface like him!"

"Wait... what the fuck, Eren?"


	3. Returning Lost Items

You had a very good sleep that night. No interruptions, no stupid dreams, no nothing. Erian, who usually served as your alarm clock wasn't violently shaking you out of bed either. Finally, a peaceful sleep for once, and this was something you weren't used to having.  
  
You quickly sat up from bed, but cautiously enough so you wouldn't wake up the girls you were sharing the room with. Your (h/l) (h/c) locks, tousled and portions of it sticking out from different angles. With a small grunt and a good morning stretch that gave you satisfying joint pops, you grabbed a towel and your uniform, slowly stepping out of the room and closing it as quietly as you could.  
  
With a soft thud and the door clicking shut, your bare feet padded through the hallways in the direction of the bathroom. Humming a small tune you were making up along the way.  
  
Waking up early had its few perks, and one new favorite of yours was having the showers all to yourself, not to mention a soothing hot bath. You preferred to have Erian happily chatting away on the next stall though, giving out a chuckle at the memory of your friend cursing herself for dropping the soap or telling you embarrassing stories from her time in the underground.  
  
After a while, you figured the other cadets might be showing up for their morning routines, so you stepped out of the stall you were in and proceeded to dry yourself with a towel before clothing yourself, then neatly folding your laundry and tucking it under your arm as you left the bathroom.  
  
Satisfied with your productivity in the morning, and the not the usually rushed baths you had, you began humming a tune again. Taking a turn, you were met with a beige haired boy. His dark brown eyes scanning you suspiciously and you did the same thing in return.  
  
"Morning."  
  
"Ah... yeah, good morning." You replied back.  
  
Was that it? You were expecting some kind of pestering. Constant questions about why you're up and about when normally you'd still be hugging your pillows by then. You gave him a serious look, to which he returned.  
  
"How're you feeling?" He muttered.  
  
"...Surprisingly, I feel okay."  
  
Devan eyed you again from head to toe, and then gave off a sigh of relief. Bringing his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, he sighed again and you just stood there, crossing your arms, the slightly dampened towel now hanging on your left shoulder.  
  
"Were you that tired?" You raised an eyebrow at him and began tapping your foot on the wooden floorboards.  
  
"Yeah." Was simply all he said. "I had a good sleep, but it's not like I can freaking go to the girl's dorms in the middle of the night to check up on you either."  
  
"Yeah mom. Don't worry, I'm fine."   
  
You gave him a smirk that he matched with a scowl. After a few long seconds of silence, it was your turn to sigh as you leaned against the cold wooden wall. "No really..." You tried again. "Don't worry." You flashed him a smile, something that was to reassure you, more than him. "That... was something that happened a long time ago."  
  
"5 years wasn't really a long time ago." He sighed.  
  
You were about to reply, the feeling of anxiety and frustration bubbling inside you, arms now uncrossed and your fists clenching at your sides. It was at this exact moment that you saw a pair of hands creeping up behind the boy in front of you. With an amused stare, you saw Devan's well kept hair get ruffled in a violent manner. The said boy letting out an annoyed grunt as a girl stepped from behind him, a smile flashed on her face as she admired her handiwork.  
  
"No depressing talks in the mornings!" She scolded, and with a playful smack to her victim, she says, "And don't worry Dev. I sleep on the bunk on top of hers. I'm checking so you don't have to trouble yourself."  
  
"You guys... I swear." You stepped away from the wall. "I'm not a child you need to check up on every single damn time I get a stupid nightmare."  
  
"We know." That was all Erian said as she looked at the towel on your shoulder and looked as if a realization had just dawned on her. "Oh crap..." She spouted. In a second, she was sprinting back onto the girl's dorms after swiping the towel from your shoulder and your laundry. "I'll drop these off for you!" She shouted as you heard a loud bang followed by a string of apologies.  
  
"What's with the rush?" You muttered.  
  
"Well, you left early yesterday." Devan said, thinking back to the previous day's events when you left the mess hall. "Not long after you left, Shadis came in to say we'd have 3DMG training today. Apparently, the only thing we'd have to do the whole day. It's not the real thing though, just something to test your balance?"  
  
"Isn't that a little bit too fast? It's just the second day."  
  
"I overheard some people talking about how this batch's training will be shorter since they'd need a lot of soldiers, for..." He paused a bit and shrugged. "After what happened with the female titan, they're bound to be short on manpower."  
  
"Are you nervous then?" You asked as soon as he finished the last word of his sentence. Anxiety finding it's way to your throat.  
  
"No. You?"  
  
"Fuck it all." You grumbled and Devan just let out a laugh that he stopped as quick as it came.  
  
He stepped in closer to pat your head before making his way back to the direction of the boy's dorms. "See you at breakfast." He called and you just waved your hand back to dismiss him. You then pivoted on your heel to make your way to the mess hall, all the while noticing the cold feel of Devan's palm on your head.  
  
"Tch, stop acting tough." You muttered under your breath.  
  
You were probably too distracted from your thoughts of failing the test right now to notice a blonde turning the corner as well, and before you had the time to register what was going on. You were staring at sea blue eyes that seemed to match your confused stare with one of shock.  
  
Realizing who you just bumped into with, you held out your hand to the person who was sitting on the floor and the said person took it hesitantly.  
  
"S-sorry, sir!" You said and gave a salute.  
  
The person just looked at you and blushed, although not that obvious for you to see. He brought his hand up and waved your actions off, so you dropped the salute and stood there awkwardly. Out of the moment, you just gave a salute even if you clearly didn't need to. Yesterday with the two-tone haired boy was something you did just to show your respect. Your mind was swirling with nonsense as you stared into blue eyes that was watching you intently.  
  
"Sir Arlert?" You questioned, realizing you guys were having some unnanounced staring contest.  
  
At the mention of his name, the boy who stood in front you seemed a bit taken aback. "How did you... know my name?"  
  
"Umm... People in Stohess are chatty." You admitted.  
  
"Oh..." That was all he said and silence continued between you two.  
  
Desperate to end the awkward atmosphere, you were just about ready to dash into mess hall which was just around the next corner when you heard a female voice call from the hallways. The call specifically asking for the person who you were talking to.  
  
"I'll be right there Mikasa!" You heard the person in front of you say, and then he turned to you with a smile on his face, but he looked a bit worried. It was then that you realized he probably doesn't even know who you were.  
  
"Well..." You said, stretching your arm out hesitantly. "I'm (F/n) (L/n), a new recruit for the 105th. Sorry for the late introduction sir."  
  
It wasn't like you needed to do that anyway, but you didn't know he was listening intently to your introduction the day before, your words stored away in his mind. The boy then took your hand and shook it, a smile on his face as his name was called again in the hallways. He then reluctantly took his hand away from yours and turned around to make his way to the mess hall.  
  
"Just call me Armin. You don't need to say sir either since our ages are near." He said before he left, and you just smiled back.  
  
A little ways after he left, you heard rapid footsteps echoing down the halls followed by normal, seemingly uninsterested ones. As they turned to the hall, they spotted you by the end, and one particular hazel eyed girl sped up her running to tackle you, but not strong enough to take you down.  
  
"(F/n)!" She said as she let you go. "I want to skip today!"  
  
"Stupid." Was what you and another person said as he caught up to you two.  
  
"Aren't you scared? What if we fail? We've never used 3DMG before! We're going to get sent to the fields to pick on grass and rocks! What if I fell and hit my head then get a comma? They said it happened to one guy before, minus the comma but still!"  
  
You simply chuckled at your friend and squeezed her cheeks as you smiled reassuringly. "We're going to graduate, get in the Scouting Legion, and then we'll see the world outside."  
  
These words seemed to calm her down and she saved you the energy of having to peel her off as she took herself off from you, but as she did, something on the floor caught her eye and she bent down to pick it up. It was a leather-bound book, tied to a close by a short rope-like string.  
  
"Wonder who dropped this here." She said, wanting to open it out of curiosity but decided against doing so.  
  
You thought to yourself for a while. "It was probably... Armin's?"  
  
"Armin?" Erian said. "Isn't he that guy from Shiganshina too?" This seemed to perk up her interest and she gave you a devious grin. "They said he was super smart and helped discover the Female Titan! Did you meet him? You usually add a sir and use the surname unless told not to."  
  
"Ahh, yeah, just before you guys came, he left." You said, scratching the back of your head sheepishly. "And it's a form of respect you know." You quickly added.   
  
People you admire deserve respect right? Although you might have taken it a little too seriously. It's not like you can just go up to the other members of the 104th and strike a conversation as if you've known them for years, let alone shake their hands and hope that somehow the conversation leads to them telling you all sorts of things about their expeditions (which you very much would like).  
  
You wanted to know about the female titan at least. She became a member of the Military Police and maybe you saw her but you just don't know what she looks like. It just so happens that your parents had to go visit a friend in Wall Rose and dragged you and your two friends along for the heck of it when Sina was partially destroyed by The Female Titan and some other one they dubbed as Humanity's Hope. Newspapers don't really get you that much information, but you took whatever you could get.  
  
Your thoughts were disrupted when you felt something heavy being pushed to your arms, and you looked to see that Erian has shoved the book to you, and then with a smile, she linked her arm to yours, her other hand grasping Devan's wrist as she led you two to the mess hall.   
  
"Let's eat first! Training's gonna start soon, so just return the book later!" She said as you three waltzed into the mess hall and got your trays of food for breakfast, which consisted of bread and some stale soup.  
  
A quiet meal ensued between the three of you. To be honest, you weren't that hungry because you were too focused on worrying about the tests later. It seems Devan and Erian were out of it too, with you three going for the lighter portion of the meal and not bothering to touch the bread at all.  
  
"Does it taste that bad?"  
  
Erian turned to face a ravenette who just sat beside her, across from Devan who was beside you.  
  
"Morning Ysavelle." Erian said and she stared at the bread on her tray. "And no, it's pretty good actually, just not that hungry."  
  
"Is it about the tests?" She peered at us three. "It's gonna be fine you guys!" She encouraged us, patting Erian's back.  
  
"How can you tell?" I asked.  
  
"Hmm..." Ysavelle laced her fingers together and cracked her knuckles. "I believe in you guys. I willing to bet you're gonna make the top 10!"  
  
"(F/n) and me probably, not so sure about someone else though." Devan spat, which caused Erian to bang her hands on the table and she stood up.  
  
"Oh you're on!" She shouted. "I'm gonna kick your ass in today's training!"  
  
"Just don't go crying to us later on." Devan smirked, and Ysavelle tried to calm the two who was spouting not so friendly insults at each other.  
  
You on the other hand, finally let out a sigh of relief. You have to thank Ysavelle later for breaking the ice because you guys really needed it. Finishing your bowl of soup and drinking a cup of water, you stood up and all three people in the table looked at you.  
  
"If we're not gonna eat it, best to return it so others can." You said, gesturing to the bread on your two friend's plates. "It's not like we're sick or something, if they won't take it back then we can save it for later." You finished.  
  
That was how you got three breads stacked on the cleaner side of your tray, headed to the kitchen when you were almost tackled down by a brunette. It scared you honestly, but more out of shock because it was like she appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"Are you going to eat that?!" She said hurriedly, eyeing the pieces of bread on the the tray you were holding tightly.  
  
"I-I was going to return it to the kitchen." You said, a bit unsure what her motive was. Was it mandatory to finish all the food you got?  
  
"Can I have it then?!" She nearly screamed out of excitement, and you found yourself nodding right away because you were really confused as to what the hell was going on.  
  
She then took the tray from your hands and gave a quick thank you, but she turned to face you again, a devious smile on her face as she grabbed your wrist and dragged you to who knows where. You panicked and looked at your table, to see Devan and Erian just looking at you, the auburn one giving you a thumbs up that confused you.  
  
Pretty soon she sat you down on a crowded table, leaving you staring hard at the wooden surface as she plopped on the seat in front of you, the tray clattering as she set it down excitedly and she started eating like she had been deprived of food for quite a bit.  
  
 _'What now?'_ You questioned yourself.  
  
You were somewhat good at making friends, but of course that didn't mean you didn't feel awkward talking to people for the first time. The table you were sat in was comparably quiet to the others too and you suddenly found yourself wishing that training would come right now so you'd have a reason to go.  
  
"I'm Sasha Braus." The girl who brought you to the table said with a smile.  
  
You chuckled a bit at the crumbs that fell from her face as she ate and you fixed your posture a bit, thinking of shaking her hand but deciding not to. The more you looked at her you realized that she was pretty, and reminded you of Erian somehow on the days your friend had an insatiable appetite.  
  
"I'm (F/n) (L/n)." You smiled at her.  
  
Getting out of your daze, you looked around the table, noticing that you were sitting amongst the 104th Trainees Squad. Each person eating their meal and looking as if they didn't want to make eye contact with you. It was mostly the boys though, a cute little blonde girl and a beautiful raven with a red scarf on her neck smiled at you, to which you returned before looking back to the girl eating in front of you.  
  
"Umm... Why did you bring me here?" You asked. "It's kind of... I feel like the atmosphere became tense."  
  
Suddenly, a strong arm was draped across your shoulder and you were met with a guy with a strong build, short blond hair on his head, and his golden eyes looking at yours. You had no idea why but you flinched at the sudden contact. Surprises were something you get used to when Erian is someone you're friends with, but this was a whole new level of surprise.  
  
"Hey there." He said with a smirk on his face. "Reiner Braun." He ends his sentence, enjoying the feel of subtle glares thrown his way that you were oblivious of.  
  
You just nodded and smiled. Not really much you could have done right now. You just introduced yourself a short while ago and your voice was quite clear so no use reintroducing yourself when everyone on the table should've heard it.  
  
"Get your hands off her Reiner!" You heard a certain boy with a buzz cut yell. He was sitting beside Sasha, eyes trained on the guy getting all touchy with you.   
  
"She's not complaining though Connie." Reiner said and you just sat there stiff as a board.  
  
"S-stop fighting guys..." A particularly tall man said. You met his eyes but he glanced away before you could even blink.  
  
 _'(F/n)... do something!'_  you shouted in your head and that's when you noticed a particular blond boy sitting near the end of the table, talking to another boy with chocolate brown hair and beautiful teal eyes that you found hard to look away from. The two constantly glancing your direction every now and then. The stoic raven in sitting across them, silently eating her meal.  
  
"Please excuse me." You said to the person who introduced himself as Reiner.  
  
"Ha! Told you so!" The boy beside Sasha remarked and the response he received was a flick on the forehead. "Ow! What the hell!"  
  
Leaving the table, you went back to where your friends were and Erian nudged your side as you stood close to her, a smile stretched across her face in a teasing fashion as she passed the book you came back for.  
  
"Can it Erian." You shot her a glare as she held her hands up.  
  
"Yes sir." She said with a smirk. "Just hope you won't leave us all the time y'know."  
  
"Tch." You muttered. "Why don't you come along too then? It's freaking awkward."  
  
She just shrugged. "Well at least you're spending time with your heroes!" She teased to which you slapped a hand across her mouth to shut her up. Your face turning so red you swear you could feel steam emanating from you.  
  
"That was a long time ago!" You hissed in as low a voice you could muster.  
  
You heard Devan chuckle and you snapped your head his direction to send him a glare.  
  
"Heh, if she's acting like this, wait till she meets the veteran members of the Scouting Legion." Devan says despite your glaring.  
  
"I hate you both!" You grumbled under your breath as you took the book and stomped back to your superior's table. Your friends have already put their trays away and was busying themselves observing your flustered expression. Ysavelle, still concentrating on the last few scoops of her soup.  
  
Sasha was looking at you suspiciously when you came back. She had no idea what you guys were talking about, but she guessed you and your friends were talking about them. She momentarily stopped stuffing her face when you made your way back. However, you skipped the place you were sitting on earlier and instead walked directly to Armin's direction. Your face a slight tinge of red and your eyebrows furrowed from the teasing earlier.  
  
When you stopped in front of the blond boy. The raven who you knew as Mikasa (she was one of your favorite 'heroes') looked at you and the brunette across her was glancing at Armin then back at you. Armin on the other hand looked like someone just told him his deepest darkest secrets right to his face, well if he had one that is. You didn't peg him as the secretive person.  
  
Some eyes were trained on you, and you didn't want to look and see whose exactly. You brushed off Erian and Devan's cocky smiles from your mind, making a mental note to kick their asses in hand to hand combat when you get the chance. Bringing a hand up to your mouth to at least shield your slightly blushing face, you cleared your throat and held out the book to the blond in front of you.  
  
"Uh.. Hey, Armin?" You smiled. "Is this yours?" You gestured to the book your outstretched arm was holding.  
  
"Huh?" He said, snapping from a trance and getting the book from your hand. "Oh, yeah, thanks." He smiled. "I was planning to look for it after breakfast."  
  
You didn't know how else you could continue this conversation, thank the heavens someone from your batch of trainees opened the doors of the mess hall looking disheveled as he announced that 3DMG training was going to start and you had to get in line before Shadis slits  throats for being late.  
  
"I'll see ya Armin! Let's talk later." You grinned, making your way to your group of friends. "Thanks for earlier!" What were you even thanking him for?! Well, you didn't really give a damn at the moment. You just hurried out into the fields, hoping for the torment to start and end.  
  
Back at the mess hall, all the boys were staring at Armin who just finished eating and was preparing to read the book you just returned. The girls, well, they figured out some time yesterday about their squad's certain infatuation for a certain (h/c) cadet so they just proceeded as normal, albeit a little amused about what's going on.  
  
"What happened earlier?!" Jean said, stressing on the word 'earlier'. "And why did she call you by your first name when she said the last of mine yesterday?!"  
  
"You have some explaining to do Armin." A teal eyed boy said as he glared daggers at his childhood friend. Though he could never really hurt him.  
  
"G-guys... I just bumped into her earlier."  
  
"Quit fighting like children!" Sasha interrupted, proud of the morning events and her extra meal. "I'm going to go watch them."  
  
"I'm going too!" A blond girl said excitedly as she stood up and made her way to Sasha, Mikasa pulling her scarf up a bit as she followed the girls out. A freckled brunette also stood up, "This brings back memories." She said in a bored tone, following the petite blond out.  
  
And as if on cue, the remaining boys finished up their respective meals and walked out the door, demanding answers to their numerous questions. Armin still thinking back to the grin you flashed him earlier and wishing you all the best with the training. Which in fact, you needed badly at the moment since you can't seem to calm your nerves as names were being called left and right. Some returning with a satisfied expression, and others just sullen.  
  
Just as your nerves were about to burst, a girl tapped your shoulder harshly. "You're next." she gestures a little coldly with distaste in her features, pointing to the vacant contraption of metals and straps that made your blood run cold.  
  
 _"You can do this."_ You said to yourself reassuringly.  
  
Well, at least, you're hoping you could.


	4. Beneath The Trees, Sleeping

20 minutes.  
  
You were stranded in the freaking damn 3DMG mimicry machine for a good 20 minutes. That was what you thought, but to be honest it hasn't even been 3 minutes yet. Either way, you thought this was taking too long. The other trainees who've gone up to the other two contraptions on the field the same time you did have gone down a minute ago but you're still up there.  
  
"Alright, bring her down."  
  
You heard Shadis' voice as you felt yourself nearing the ground. Once your feet were stable and you got rid of the things responsible for suspending you in thin air, another name was called to replace your spot and you just quietly made your way to Erian who was applauding your performance.  
  
"Did you see how you were?" She said in a near squeal manner. "It was like you were stoned!"  
  
"Well it's only normal when you're anxious." You deadpan, not sure if you should take the compliment or not, eyes travelling to the trainees who were wobbling midair. "How did you do?"  
  
"Same as the other trainees." She sighed. "Just happy I passed."  
  
At this statement, you nodded, feeling relieved yourself that you were able to get down and being a small step closer to your dreams. You and Erian stilled when you saw that it was Devan's turn on the contraption. At the back of your mind you were desperately wishing he was going to come through. Sometimes it was funny how you three seem to have your feelings connected. All together feeling things like pain, sadness, anxiety and fear together when only one of you was experiencing the real thing.  
  
"He did it!" Erian squealed, and you found yourself snapping at attention. A grin forming on your face as your friend got down and was walking towards you.  
  
"Not half bad." You teased, earning a light smack behind your head.  
  
"Yeah, thanks." Devan smirked at your annoyed expression.  
  
There wasn't really anything to do that day. 3DMG training was all you'll do and that was final. So here you were, sitting in the field, a good distance from the people crowding by Shadis who shook his head for the umpteenth time. A sullen trainee making his way past the crowd to be comforted by others.  
  
Some trainees who failed the first time around were up for a retry when every single trainee was tested. All in all, everything was going smoothly, and not to mention a good chunk boring.  
  
You could have probably retired back to the dorms but you weren't really up for sleeping when not even half the day has gone by. You got tired staring off at the other trainees too and earlier, in the midst of staring, you caught the eyes of the girl who informed you of your earlier doom. When your eyes met, you saw her scoff and break eye contact, a glare evident in her features.   
  
What the hell was her problem?  
  
Had you done something so aggravating by being the next in line for the exams? You didn't think so. Still, you couldn't help but be curious as to why she was acting that way towards you. She seemed okay with everyone else except you and this bothered you a bit.  
  
You used to be a friendly person, used to have a bucket ton of friends, although that changed at a certain incident, you still weren't used to people hating on you even if you acted uninterested on them. It was hard to explain, but there will come a time that you'll tell everyone.  
  
Just... right now, you wanted to hope it would be forever buried in the back of your mind.  
  
"Heeey! (F/n)?"  
  
Erian snapped her fingers in front of you, your trance being broken.  
  
"Time for lunch!" She smiled, already standing up from her sitting position and stretching her arms to the side, intentionally hitting Devan flat on the face who jabbed an elbow at her side.  
  
You were about to stand up as well when you felt a headache coming on, causing you to let out an involuntary grunt and fall back down to a crouching position, palm making little circle patterns on your forehead. That caught the attention of your friends, much to your displeasure.   
  
Sensing your discomfort, your childhood friends panicked a little, Ysavelle giving you a worried glance. What if you were having a panic attack again like yesterday? They sure hoped not. Thankfully, it subsided as soon as it came and you were able to stand with the help of Devan.  
  
"What was that all about?" Ysavelle who recently accompanies your group questioned.  
  
"Just a normal headache." You say dismissing the matter. "I was just hungry."  
  
"Wonder what we're having for lunch." Erian said in a singsong voice, at the back of her mind she was worried, though she wouldn't let you see it.  
  
"Isn't it going to always be bread and soup?" Devan said. He sure caught onto things easily. "Not that I'm complaining." He quickly adds.  
  
You stayed silent the whole walk to the wooden buildings. Laughing every now and then with Ysavelle when Devan makes a really aggravating comment that sets Erian off. These two fight a lot so you could never understand how they managed to live together in all those years in Stohess.   
  
Deep down, you were panicking about that little headache from earlier. What if they start again? Lately, you have been doing well with just a couple bad dreams. If it escalated, then that would have been a problem indeed.  
  
Ysavelle opened the doors to the mess hall, after grabbing your tray for lunch, you and your friends looked around to see the tables quite full. Only leaving a space for about one or two people to sit in between other trainees. You guys could split, and you actually suggested the idea, but Ysavelle was stubborn about wanting to eat together and Erian and Devan insisted on coming along with you.  
  
"I'm fine." You mutter to which your friends just ignored.  
  
"Ahh! There are four spots over there!" Ysavelle said, gesturing to a table on the far left corner of the room.  
  
One look at its occupants and you stilled. "Not gonna happen." You spat almost automatically. But of course your friends are total jerks because they dragged you off to the table anyway. Erian and Devan with devilish grins at their faces as they pushed you.  
  
"Umm... Excuse me?" You heard Ysavelle say, the people sitting on the table stopped talking to look at you four. "Can we sit here?"  
  
Silence.  
  
That was all you were met with.  
  
You began to see a table being cleared off and you proceeded to make your way towards it, but of course Erian had to step on your parade, pushing you down to take a seat as she sat beside you. Devan taking the spot in front of you and Ysavelle sitting beside her.  
  
"You guys are jerks." You mumbled.  
  
"Yeah, but you love us don't ya?" Erian said, pinching your cheek.  
  
"No, I hate you." You said, swatting her hand away, and before she could continue, you grabbed the bread on her plate and jabbed it at her mouth to silence her. Letting out a sigh, you started eating and the people at the table did the same.  
  
You're going to die, you decided.   
  
Erian and Devan weren't going to leave this room without dropping a line about how much you admired the 104th you were now sitting with. They were jerks like that, but yeah, you loved them like family so damn that. Ysavelle seems to be getting the drift of what the two were doing as she started talking with your best friends and that wasn't helping you calm down.  
  
"So... (F/n), who do you like the most?"  
  
The torture has begun.  
  
"What?" You said, staring at Ysavelle who dropped the question.  
  
You didn't notice certain members of the table toning down their voices, ears focused on what you were going to say. Some stopped eating altogether, looking at your direction with a curious stare.  
  
"I mean, Erian has been telling me... stuff you know."  
  
You shot a glare at Erian who smiled like nothing was wrong.  
  
"I don't like anyone." You muttered, a blush forming just a little bit on your cheeks.  
  
"That wasn't what you said before."  
  
You kicked Devan's shin from under the table, satisfied at the grimace you received. You stood up abruptly, now empty tray of lunch gripped tightly at your hands as you dropped it off. From the corner of your eye you could see your friends laughing at your flustered actions. It honestly took every single ounce of willpower you had to not flip them over to the ground.  
  
What did you say before?  
  
Well it was something along the lines of  _'The 104th Trainees Squad are the best! Aren't they so awesome and badass?! They're my heroes and someday I want to be like them! You think if I bit my hand I could turn to a titan too?! I love them!'_  
  
It wasn't that embarrassing now was it? Well for the 10 year old you were at the time that wasn't embarrassing at all. However, now that you think about it, that was like a declaration of love, and love was something you were never really good at doing since that incident.  
  
"Come on (F/n)!" You heard Erian call from the table as you made your way back. Crossing your arms and an uninterested look in your face.  
  
"You really want to know?" You said, leaning in at her.  
  
She took a gulp and you stood right back up. There weren't really any options here. They won't shut up unless you say something they're satisfied with, and you were never ever for the life of you, going to submit to their wishes.  
  
"Keith Shadis." You said with fake enthusiasm.  
  
An eruption of shocked looks came from the table and you registered the dissatisfied face of Erian and Ysavelle. Devan just trying hard to stop himself from choking on his food. You turned around to walk out of the room, closing the doors from the mess hall behind you, and once you were out of everyone's sights you ran to the girl's dorms, your embarrassment reaching its peak as you flung the door to the room open, took off your boots and fell face first on your pillow.  
  
"Damn you (F/n). All the freaking choices you could've said and you came up with the most stupid one." You grumbled.  
  
After what seemed like 15 minutes, there was a call from the hallways. A recruit shouting about how since the tests were done and there was still a long time before dinner, hand to hand combat training was put into place. Not that you were complaining though.  
  
You sat up, cracking your knuckles.  
  
Finally, It's time for some well deserved payback.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"And this..." You said, clapping your hands in a rubbing manner to get rid of the dirt.  
  
"Is what happens when you try pissing me off."  
  
You gave a sigh, a total of four daggers on your persona as three people sat on the ground, groaning as they fell on their butts, a scowl on their faces with the exception of Devan who predicted just as much but still had an annoyed look on his face.  
  
"Yeah, but Keith Shadis? Damn." Erian said laughing. "Did you see their faces? They looked like someone just shoved a stick up their backside!"  
  
"I would shut up now Erian." Ysavelle said, pushing herself up from the ground.  
  
"Yes, please." You said in return, each word met with a crack of your knuckles.  
  
"I'm sorry (F/n)!" Erian said, giggling. "It's just that you're so cute like that y'know? Haha, I've never seen such faces before!"  
  
"Someone please shut her up before we find her in a ditch." Devan said.  
  
"On it!" Ysavelle said, clamping Erian's mouth with her hand and sending an apologetic look at you.  
  
You merely sent a glare at Erian, and you rubbed your forehead, it seems a headache was coming on again and you had to leave before your temporary mom and dad get all paranoid and tie you to the bed or something.  
  
"You okay?" Ysavelle said.  
  
"Mmhm..." You nodded and stopped rubbing your head. "Dealing with you guys just gave me a headache is all." You said with a playful tone.  
  
Unfortunately, your friends got the message and shot a worried glance at you, but before any questions were dropped, you were walking out into the field for a good stretch, indicating you really didn't want to talk right now.  
  
Walking for a little bit, you decided to lie down under the shade of a tree. The grass sticking onto you as you stared at the specks of orange and yellow showing from the small spaces between the leaves. You heard light footsteps but didn't bother to stand up. You just closed your eyes instead and hoped you'd pass as a sleeping person. You were just really tired. Too tired that you even considered spending the night here.  
  
The footsteps stilled and for a moment silence was heard. Curiously, you opened your eyes and was met with sea green ones.  
  
"Uh... Hey." The boy said and you just blinked your eyes in response.  
  
What is going on?  
  
You found yourself struggling to sit up but you failed miserably.  
  
"Ah! No... You can stay like that." The boy smiled at your failed attempt, to which your initial response was a pout threatening to form on your face.  
  
The boy chuckled, sitting beside your outstretched form on the grass. You were a little confused as to why this guy was sitting beside you. You didn't complain though. Sometimes having people aside from your small group of 3 was a relaxing thing.  
  
"Aren't you... scared or anything?" The boy finally speaks.  
  
"No, why?"  
  
"Well... umm... I'm a titan shifter. Normally people don't like that. Unless you didn't know."  
  
You stared at him for a while, the atmosphere between you two was calm. After a little bit of thinking, you realized one way or another they'll know so it would just be better if you told them yourself instead of having your friends stretch the story for you. Reaching a conclusion you closed your eyes and took a breath.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Huh?" The boy looked at you in confusion, eyes scanning your peaceful form. He was almost convinced you were sleeping, but you suddenly spoke.  
  
"Just because you can turn into a titan doesn't mean you're really one right?" You turned your head to the side, facing him. "I mean, well... here."  
  
You reached your hand to grab his wrist and tried looking for a pulse. You could have just placed your hand on where his heart should've been but there was no way in all three walls could you ever have the guts to do that.  
  
Eren stiffened at your actions, but his eyes softened at the sight of you holding his hand near your face, a serious expression was worn by you as you pressed your index and middle finger on some spots. Eren saw the annoyance in your features and he couldn't help but smirk, knowing what you were trying to do.  
  
"Here." He said, holding your hand and guiding your two fingers to a spot on his wrist. "My dad is a doctor, and I used to watch him all the time so... there you go." He said. "There are easier places to get a pulse though."  
  
Eren just stared at you as you averted your gaze from his, a bit embarrassed about trying to look cool but that plan backfiring the first millisecond you acted on it. Putting his hand down where you took it on his lap and stretching your arms out once again, you closed your eyes.  
  
"This just goes to show you're human like all of us." You said, feeling sleep creeping up on you.  
  
Eren's eyes widened a bit at your statement and then let his arms stretch out behind him, palms feeling the soft grass as he started leaning back, legs stretched in front of him. This was relaxing, that much he admitted.  
  
"I like you guys." You muttered after some time had passed, your eyelids feeling heavy. "When I was 11, I wanted to enlist in the military as soon as I turned 12, but things happened so I got held back. At the time I heard about you guys and I really wanted to be like you people. I mean, for one thing, you all went through some tough crap and are still standing. I want to be like that."  
  
"What things happened?" He said, a slight blush spreading on his cheeks.  
  
"I'd rather not say, sir."  
  
"Eren."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Call me Eren." He smiled as you glanced upon him. "We're almost the same age, so it's okay."  
  
You hummed in approval. The wind brushing some strands on your face that you were too tired to fix. From the corner of your eye you stared at him, enjoying his company although you guys didn't talk much. You noticed the slight shift in the lighting around you, realizing that night was soon going to fall.  
  
"Hey... was it true about... err..."  
  
"Shadis? Not a chance." You scoffed and cut his sentence when you registered what he was going to say. After that, you heard a sigh of relief. "I was just saying that to piss my friends off because they won't shut up."  
  
"Who do you like then?"  
  
A few minutes had gone by since that question and Eren was still waiting for your reply. After a little more waiting and silence, Eren was beginning to think you started hating on him for trying to pry into your privacy. He took a deep breath and was about to apologize.  
  
"(F/n)?"  
  
The boy tensed when he heard another voice. One that belonged to someone he always saw next to you, someone like who Armin and Mikasa was for him. She had shoulder length auburn hair, part of her bangs were braided then tucked behind her ear. Amber eyes scanned the scene before her, her eyebrows furrowed when she saw you lying down on the grass like some starfish she'd seen on some books of the outside world when she snooped around the town library.  
  
Erian met the boy's teal eyes and backed away a little. She thought you were all alone so she got a little surprised. You weren't really the type of person who let others near you when you were pissed. For a moment she jumped to conclusions and was getting ready to murder anyone who posed a threat to you. Although it was against her nature to kill anyone but titans.  
  
"Woah... I've never seen (F/n) so tired before." She quipped, realizing the boy next to you was no threat and making her way to the other side of your sleeping form.  
  
Eren doesn't really know what to do right now. He considered leaving, but then he somehow didn't want to. So the skies started turning a few shades darker as the time passed by slowly. He was enjoying the sound of your peaceful breathing and the ruffling of the leaves on the tree you were under. It made him wonder if this kind of peacefulness was something he could get again later.  
  
You three just stayed there. You were snoring slightly now, making the corners of Eren's mouth turn up just a little. Erian was just staring off into space, her back against the tree, knees pushed up to her chest and head resting on them. Devan told her he was going to the mess hall with Ysavelle so they could get good seating and that she was to get you.   
  
She wasn't expecting you to be sleeping peacefully though. It's a rare sight. What with all the nightmares plaguing you lately despite your desperate attempts to hide them. She wanted to leave you alone, but she couldn't, so she settled for buying some time.  
  
"You're Eren Yeager right?"  
  
The silence was broken with a simple question.  
  
"Ah, yeah. Nice to meet you umm..."  
  
"Erian." Your friend said, still staring off into space. "Erian Castell. I came from Shiganshina too." She smiled at the faint memory of her family.  
  
"Oh... but didn't you say you came from Stohess yesterday?" Eren said a little confused. Not sure if the confusing part came from the girl's statements or the fact that they were conversing normally.  
  
"Yeah." Erian said, looking back at him and then to you. "When the wall was breached 7 years ago, I lost my parents and ended up on the underground city underneath Stohess. (F/n) here saved me one day when I was ready to die. She's nice like that y'know. Nobody really likes her that much but they just don't know." Erian bit her lip and took a glance at you. "She's really nice when you get to know her."  
  
"Well, I like her." Eren said hesitantly. "I mean, she's not that bad!" He muttered quickly. Hoping he didn't give himself away. He wasn't sure how he felt for you, it would take time to make ends meet with that.  
  
"Well she likes you too." Erian smiled, breathing in the cold air. "The 104th Trainees Squad were, and still are, people she really looks up to."  
  
"Ahh, yeah. She mentioned something that earlier." Eren said.  
  
Erian looked at him, an eyebrow raised.  
  
This was a first.  
  
You were usually so secretive and sensitive about the topic of you being a huge fan of them or some sort. She never expected Devan and her had pushed you too much off the edge to actually admit that you had a huge amount of admiration for them.  
  
Suddenly you started shuffling on the ground. Instead of lying flat, you shifted to the side. Your back facing Erian who got a little bit startled with the sudden movement. Eren was more in shock though, because you suddenly just placed your hand atop his that was resting palm down beside him and you pulled it closer to your face, snuggling in the small source of heat.  
  
Fortunately, you were sleeping, because the world might have split in two if you knew what your sleeping self did.  
  
"Oops, sorry 'bout that." Erian said, noticing the boy's discomfort and taking your arm away from Eren and setting it down a few inches away from it's previous stop. Eren wasn't sure if he was disappointed or relieved.   
  
"Oi, (F/n), we're going back to the dorms." Erian said, shaking your shoulder a bit, still contemplating on whether or not to actually wake you up because it's been a long while since she saw you sleeping peacefully like this.  
  
"I'm sleeping here." You groaned, still half-asleep.  
  
"No you aren't."  
  
"Leave me alone Erian." You groaned yet again.  
  
Eren began chuckling when he saw Erian repeatedly poking your cheek, your expression turning more sour than the previous one with every poke. When you still wouldn't budge, Erian decided on shaking your shoulder again, your head hurting after the first dozen shakes and her constant wake up calls were annoying you to no end.  
  
"Hurry up and get your butt off the grou-"  
  
"I swear to Wall Sina I will kick you down a hill if you don't stop!" You grumbled, swatting her hand away and curling into a ball on the ground. Opening your eyes just a crack, you noticed a form sitting beside you, trying hard to stifle a laugh.  
  
Suddenly your eyes widened and you found yourself sitting up. A blush creeping up your face as you looked at Eren and then you turned to Erian who smirked at you.  
  
"Let's go." Erian said, getting up from her kneeling position, hands on her back as she stretched.  
  
"Alright fine." You muttered. Standing yourself up and dusting the dirt off your pants, you then followed suit at Erian who was now walking to the dorms, knowing very well you'd rather sleep right now than to eat.  
  
Erian was a good distance away when you turned back around, seeing Eren standing up and fixing something on his jacket's sleeves. You jogged a little towards him, just a few steps from where you previously were standing.  
  
"Sorry for sleeping on in the conversation!" You shouted, causing the mop of chocolate to look at you. "We can talk again next time!"  
  
He just smiled and waved goodbye to you. Taking that as an 'it's okay' and giving a small wave of your own, you trotted back to Erian who was looking at you from a small distance away, arms crossed and waiting patiently.  
  
If you only looked back once more, you might have noticed. The chocolate haired boy was blushing profusely, emerald eyes staring absentmindedly at the hand you snuggled into a while ago.   
  
Shaking his head, he started walking to the mess hall, eyes showing a tint of confusion as he forced the memory into the back of his mind but it just came back.  
  
Why couldn't he just get you out of his head?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support so far. It means so much to me ^^
> 
> And because I have final exams for the next couple of weeks, the next update will come on the 25th of April. I'm really sorry about the wait! But rest assured I'll finish this story soon! *^*)b


	5. Someday, I'll Tell You

“There you are!”  
   
A tray was placed beside yours on the table when a raven girl hugged you from the back, hands going over your shoulders and giving a soft squeeze, eyes of faded blue looking at the person in front of you with intensity.   
  
You gave a little smirk when you realized the voice and ruffled the mop of raven lightly, just light enough so you wouldn't actually ruin it. The hands on your shoulders then disappeared as the girl sat beside you, her face adorned with a smile as she started stirring the soup on her bowl.  
   
“Morning Ysa.” Erian said, greeting the girl who joined the table. Devan, who sat across from you just looked up and gave a nod to acknowledge her existence then he went back to eating. And you, well, you just gave her a smile and finished the last of your bread that put stones to shame.  
  
You were about a month and a few days into training by now, and you were proud to say you were pretty much getting used to the military life, of course that excludes your sleeping schedule but aside from that everything was fine.   
  
Just about a week ago, you guys finally got your 3DMG gear and needless to say the next few days were spent with training and slicing along foam napes of wooden titan replications as fast and as many as you could.  
  
You didn't really feel happy about the training, it just didn't sit well with you. You were happy to get the gear and the feeling like you were flying, but that was about the only thing you liked about it. You were happy to be able to help humanity but some part of you just wanted to cower away. Once you drew out your blades, you felt like throwing up, an uneasy feeling bubbling in your stomach as you tried to concentrate on the task at hand. Unknown to you at the time though, a friend was getting a little suspicious towards your actions.  
  
"How was your day guys?" Ysavelle said in a happy tune, taking a spoonful of soup.  
  
"Just the usual." You said with a smile. "They said 3DMG training will be pushed an hour later because of some preparations."  
  
Ysavelle nodded at your statement and got down to busying herself with her food. Ever so slightly glancing your direction as you joked about some things and laughed along with Devan and Erian. She wanted to talk to you about something but thought she'd save it for another day.  
  
Truth be told, the ravenette was getting concerned about the way that you'd always flinch or appear utterly disturbed when slicing the napes of fake titans. One time in training she even stopped to look at your work for a little, thinking maybe you acted that way because you didn't like the way you cut or it wasn't deep enough. Much to her confusion though, she found the cuts perfectly done and precise.  
  
"Is something bothering you?" Devan said to Ysavelle who was staring blankly into air, spoon stuck on her mouth.  
  
"Ah, no... just thinking." She smiled.  
  
"If you have any problems, you can tell us." Erian said. "You're part of the team now! We'll see the world outside together! Right (F/n)?"  
  
You nodded, glancing over to Ysavelle. "Yep. We're going together." You smiled.  
  
You four were almost always together now. Devan, Erian, you and Ysavelle. At first the raven was a little reluctant to join the group, not because she didn't feel uncomfortable with any of you, but because she felt like she just suddenly came up and pushed herself onto you three.  
  
You kept telling her that it didn't matter, but she still seemed a little off. Most of the time she'd talk to Erian or Devan. You tried your best to talk to her too, but you just couldn't bring yourself to utter more than a few measly sentences. You wanted to tell her she was like family, but being the socially awkward person you now are, that was getting hard to do.  
  
"Umm... Something's been bothering me lately is all." She says.  
  
"What? Boy troubles?!" Erian muttered teasingly, a small squeal escaping her lips. "Tell me!"  
  
"Not quite." Ysavelle says, biting her bottom lip.  
  
"Come one Ysa! Don't be shy." Your auburn haired friend started to lean closer, curiosity etched in her gleaming hazel eyes.  
  
"It's about..." Ysavelle takes a deep breath and glances to you. "(F/n)? Why... is it that sometimes you look a little out of it during training?"  
  
"She was fine on hand to hand combat yesterday." Devan answered, finishing the last of his food.  
  
"No. Not that. 3DMG practice. The ones when we have to practice our cuts."  
  
The table became a little too quiet for your taste. A cold shiver running down your spine. Erian had stopped prying and glanced at you. Devan just stared on his now empty plate and Ysavelle, noticing she probably stepped a line, was about to apologize when you suddenly spoke.  
  
"I had some really bad memories with cutting stuff." You smiled, voice a little calm, but underneath the table, your hands were clutching the straps of your gear and shaking vigorously. "When I was... little—"  
  
"Shoot!" Erian said standing, taking all your trays to stack them up. "Isn't it time to go?"  
  
You shot her a glare that went by ignored. Ysavelle quickly got the underlying message of Erian's words, in a quick motion, she stood up and gave out a small smile. Placing her hand on the small your back as you stood up and she lightly pushed you out of the mess hall.  
  
"Right, time to go before Shadis kills us!" The raven said.  
  
"Yeah..." You muttered out. Still a bit annoyed about Erian's sudden interruption.  
  
Once outside, you felt the heat of the air slap you in the face, your eyes squinting at the sudden change of lighting as you made your way to the middle of the field where trainees were shuffling about to form straight lines.  
  
You were tailing Ysavelle, hoping to maybe explain the situation to her because you didn't really like the look she had on her face a while ago, a look that was a little sad yet understanding. You were about to reach out to her, but decided you'd just fix things up after training.  
  
"Attention!"  
  
Everyone stilled when a crisp loud voice was heard over the fields, a man standing in front of the lines of people, hands behind his back as he paced left and right, all the while stabbing you all to death with the looks of his eyes.  
  
"You will resume 3DMG training today." He said, voice never losing that intimidating aura. "However, since it seems that training has been going smoothly for a while, I have decided to add some changes today."  
  
At this, the trainees looked at him curiously, you included. A surprise from Keith Shadis? This was probably unheard of in the history of the walls. Some trainees started looking side to side to see if others had even just as slight idea about what the instructor has planned.  
  
"You will still go along with the normal training routine." Shadis begins. "But today, you will train alongside them."  
  
_Them?_  
  
Them who?  
  
You looked down to your boots streaked in mud. You made a mental note to clean them later after practice if you weren't too tired, but your train of thought was disrupted by a few little gasps that resonated around you.  
  
Glancing up, your eyes widened. The members of the previous 104th Trainees Squad were standing in a straight line behind Shadis. A determined look on their faces and they had one of the most flawless salutes you had ever seen. Your eyes darted to each one of the members who had a serious look on them, your heart pounding with excitement.  
  
"The rules of the normal exercises still applies." Shadis continued speaking, allowing you to revert back to a serious face of your own. Determination churning in your (e/c) orbs.   
  
"For today's training however, you will be given a 5 minute head start to go into the forest, and a subsequent grace period of 10 minutes. As usual, a green flare will be shot when the training has ended, and additionally, another green flare is to be shot when the 10 minute grace period is over. After the second flare, the people behind me will head on over to the forest as well."  
  
You listened intensely, a bit excited about today's training that seemed like a game of some sort. The rules giving you a refreshing look at the normally boring and repetitive routines you all did during the previous training exercises.  
  
"You will be graded based on your performances within the time limit. The goal is to execute and incorporate skills you have been honing the past few days with your 3-Dimensional Maneuver Gear as you will attempt to 'kill' as many titans as possible within the time limit."  
  
He then gestured to the people proudly standing behind him.  
  
"They, on the other hand, will attempt to 'kill' you."  
  
Shadis finished, giving all the trainees one last look and started walking back to his office after assigning a few soldiers to oversee the exercise while he resumes paperwork.  
  
You were just there frozen. Memories flashed in your mind the moment you heard his last sentence, your palms turning sweaty and your usually (s/c) skin was turning a shocking pale hue. Your feet were beginning to turn cold like that of a dead child's.  
  
_A dead child._  
  
The thought continued on in your head and you suddenly found your breath hitching in your throat, your stomach twisting in a terrible pain and your head was throbbing like that of a hammer to a nail. Eyes that were filled with determination just a second ago was replaced by one of shock and fear.  
  
"... (F/n)?!"  
  
You jolted when you felt a pressure on your left shoulder.  
  
Looking to the left, you saw Ysavelle peering down on you, worry painting her face quite well. You didn't know when you had crouched down to the ground, nor did you realize the way you were holding the back of your head like someone was going to hit you there.   
  
The line up was slowly dispersing as trainees made their way to the patch of forests a couple dozen meters away from the base. Some of the people who were left behind were giving you looks and some of the 104th had confused or worried expressions.  
  
"(F/n), listen to me." Someone said from in front of you.  
  
You tried to register the voice into your consciousness, but you couldn't match a face to it.  
  
"Snap out of it." The voice said again, borderline pleading. "It's a drill. They won't kill anyone, I promise. Not you, or me. They're your friends right? By 'kill', Shadis meant they will cut your wires. Got it?"  
  
You nodded after a short while, relenting your hold on your head, instead, resting your shaking hands on the ground.  
  
"Come on, the 5 minute head start is gonna end soon." A hand yanked you up, the voice a bit deeper this time than the one earlier. "You want out of these damn walls right?"  
  
You shakily nodded.  
  
"Then get your shit back together and prove it." The person said through gritted teeth.  
  
A loud slap was soon heard as two hands made their way to the sides of your face, the stinging pain from the event waking you up as you stared at grayish-blue eyes. A raven haired girl standing before you with a frustrated expression. Behind her was the auburn and beige, a worried smile adorning their futures as you began tearing up a little.  
  
"... right." You managed to say.  
  
Ysavelle then took away her hands from your cheeks, a smile on her face as well, as she grabbed you by the wrist and took off, all four of you making it to the forest and using your gears to take flight. Giving each other a nod, you four split up into groups of two. Devan and you as one team, Erian and Ysavelle as another, and you delved into the forest slicing titan after titan that was in sight.  
  
Pretty soon, a green flare was shot up in the sky and the members of the 104th started making a dash for the forest, while others just jogged.  
  
"What happened back there?" A girl called Krista said to the brunette beside her. Blue eyes brimming with worry as she ran.  
  
"I'm worried too." Sasha answered. "Didn't see that one coming at all."  
  
"Do you think we can talk to her about it later?"  
  
"Just give it up." A freckled girl said as she ran along side the petite. "Her friends already resolved the matter."  
  
Krista was about to answer back, but they had already reached the opening of the forest and had a task at hand that they didn't want to fail. Shooting their wires to the tops of the trees, they soon took off in different directions, searching for people to take down.  
  
Over the weeks, you had gotten a bit close to the 104th and even talked to them on some rare occasions, which was a huge thing for them since at first you were awkward and found yourself avoiding them. As the weeks progressed, you had even gotten used to addressing them on a first name basis, although of course, you still felt a little awkward doing it.  
  
They were a friendly bunch, it was a bit of a weird feeling however, that even if they talked with other trainees in your batch, it felt like they talked to your group of four the most. Nevertheless, there were still quite a lot of things they had yet to figure out about you, your earlier actions being a shock to them all.  
  
Training today somehow became a race to catch you and confront you, although of course, they still had to take other trainees down so Shadis wouldn't chew them off.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"There's one over there!" You pointed a blade to the side, gesturing to your friend as you both shot your wires to the left and made a swift turn. Devan watching you closely from the corner of his eyes.  
  
Reaching the makeshift titan, you brought your blades up and drew a shaky breath. With a swift turn, a piece of foam was detached from it's place and fell to the ground, but before it could even touch the lush grass of the forest, you had sped away in search for another 'titan' to kill.  
  
"(F/n)." Devan called out to you.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Let's rest up for a minute." He said, shooting his wire to a tall tree. You following suit.  
  
Once on the trees, you both listened for quite some time, refusing to sit down on the thick sturdy branch beneath your feet or letting your guard down until you guys were absolutely sure that no one else but you two were on the area.  
  
A rustling in the grass below was heard and you drew your blades up, eyes locked on the shrubbery that adorned the forest floors. After a while the rustling subsided and never came back. Devan was the first to sit down by then, tugging you along as you sat on the tree branch, legs dangling to the side and your faces looking over a small lake.  
  
"I want to tell her." You suddenly said.  
  
Devan looked at you and then back to the lake. "I'm not against it or anything." He said while examining his blades. "I'll help lock Erian up away if you need me to." He joked.  
  
"Yeah thanks." You said with a smirk.  
  
"Will you tell her later?"  
  
"I'm... not so sure. I don't know if I can but I want to." You simply said.  
  
A distant sadness was starting to pool in your mind, but was soon taken care of when Devan placed a hand on your head and started patting it. Just like he did that one time long ago and you found yourself smiling faintly.  
  
A little time had gone by since you two started sitting there. It was a little odd that you guys were still there relaxing and quite out in the open but none of the 104th was trying to get you two.  
  
Perhaps you spoke a little too soon.  
  
A wire was shot on the tree next to you and you scrambled to your feet, blades drawn out and ready to shoot your wire wherever you can escape to. Devan sensed the tension in your features and tried to calm you down but you had sped off already.  
  
"(F/n)!" He called out to your speeding form.  
  
"I'll be fine Dev!" You shouted back. "Let's split so they won't take both of us down!"  
  
Devan gave an irritated grunt and hurried to where you were. He at least knew the direction you went to so he just needed to get to you before they did. Unfortunately for him though, in a split second his wires were cut and he was met with a boy in a buzz cut and golden eyes.  
  
"You're out!" The person said in a near playful tone as he caught the boy mid air and set him down on the ground safely.  
  
Devan cursed under his breath and gave a salute before following the dirt path back to the fields. It was dangerous to be on the forest grounds as wild animals and the like are sure to be roaming in them. He was a little reluctant to go but it was impossible to catch you on foot so he just returned with distaste in his expression.  
  
Reaching the opening of the forest, Devan began walking back to the groups of people chattering in the middle of the field. He was a little surprised to see that quite a large number of trainees were already gathered there when the exercise hasn't even gone for that long, give or take two hours. The 104th Trainees Squad really was something, he thought.  
  
"About time!" Erian said, hugging her childhood friend from behind. "I thought you'd never come out until nighttime!"  
  
"Get off me Erian." Devan says harshly, trying to pry the girl from him.  
  
"Where's (F/n)?" Another voice asked.  
  
"I got taken down and she escaped." Devan muttered. "How long did you guys last?"  
  
"I got taken down about an hour and a half after the grace period ended." Erian said proudly.  
  
"I was taken down a little bit earlier than Erian." Ysavelle said with a shy smile.  
  
The beige haired boy nodded at the two and sat down on the ground, forcing Erian to let go of him unless she wanted to fall down. Ysavelle then sat cross legged on Devan's right, Erian taking the spot to his left. A silence befalling all three as the chattering continued about.  
  
The raven haired girl shifted in her seat to look at the forest, distant sounds of blades and wires were being heard. A few people were walking out from the forest every now and then, sometimes escorted by members of the 104th if they probably strayed too far from the paths.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A blur of greens, browns and yellows, and scattered specks of orange and blue.  
  
That was your definition of the world around you.  
  
The early noon sky was settling in as you sped by. On your mind, the only thing remaining was the goal of not getting captured though you probably didn't need to worry about that now.  
  
You suddenly stopped a bit, wires attached to a tree and you were on its trunk high up from the ground. Eyes scanning the landscape as you caught your breath.  
  
You lost Devan a while ago and by now you assumed that he was back at the training grounds. You silently cursed at yourself for just leaving him behind and even considered going back to the place you guys were chatting at a while ago, but there was one huge problem.  
  
You were lost.  
  
"(F/n), you dumbass." You cursed at yourself again.  
  
You really don't remember any of the vegetation or the scenery before you. It was impossible for you to memorize every single part of the forest you've been through, but you were certain that even in the previous training exercises you didn't get as far as this. There weren't any wooden titans on this part too if that was enough proof that you strayed too damn long from the path.  
  
Clicking your tongue, you proceeded to return the blades from its threshold before shooting another wire and going from tree to tree when your damn gear suddenly started to shut off.  
  
"Shit!" You shouted as you started falling down, bracing yourself for an impact that never came.  
  
"Whoa... That was pretty close wasn't it?"  
  
You opened your eyes to see that someone was holding onto you like the ones in fairy tale books you've read as a child. Golden eyes were looking straight ahead as you zipped through the forest smoothly.  
  
"Thanks, Connie." You said with a sigh of relief.  
  
"Don't mention it." He grinned as he slowly lowered to the ground until he was standing on the dirt path and set you on your feet. "Damn, I'm out of gas too." He said with much displeasure. "At least we made it back to the path."  
  
"I guess I lost then?" You questioned.  
  
"Well, technically yes... and no." He sent you a confused smile.  
  
"I ran out of gas so that means I didn't really get 'killed'." You said.  
  
"If you lose gas outside the walls then you will be." Connie answered back and you just settled for scrunching your eyebrows because you didn't know how to make a comeback to that.  
  
The boy thought he was lucky to be the one to find you, and even luckier that he was able to save you before you broke a bone or something even worse that he didn't want to think about. Now all he had to do now was sate his curiosity and ask you what happened earlier.  
  
"Uh.. Hey (F/n)?"  
  
He turned to face you, a slight blush on his face. The cocky grin he held a while ago now replaced by a timid expression that didn't seem like him at all.  
  
"Yeah?" You said whilst fixing the straps on your leg.  
  
"About earlier, what happened?"  
  
"Ran out of gas?" You said with confusion.  
  
"No... before training began." He looked at you who now stood straight, and seeing the shocked look of your eyes and the tint of fear it showed, he suddenly felt bad. "Well, no, just forget about it!"  
  
"Umm..." You began, but he cut you off again.  
  
"No, really it's okay." He said as quick as he could, turning around so he wouldn't have to see your expression.  
  
A horn was heard throughout the forest, the signal the training has ended and you two just stood there awkwardly. Connie still had his back against you and you felt a bit bad for really messing up and showing everyone such a stupid part of you.  
  
"I'm sorry." You said, looking down to your feet.  
  
"What?" The boy turned around to look at you, startled by your apology.  
  
"I can't tell you guys right now." You said, your arms set stiffly on your sides, as you studied your boots for lack of a better thing to look at. "But... but someday you guys will know. I'm going to tell all of you, so... s—"  
  
You couldn't finish your sentence as someone held your wrist. A little too shocked by the sudden action, you looked up to the person in front of you, only to be met by his back.  
  
"Let's go." He mutters as he pulls you along the dirt path going back into the fields. "We're late for lunch and everyone is waiting."  
  
You then trailed behind him, his hand never relenting its hold on your wrist and so did the blush tainting his face and the tips of his ears. You never noticed though, since your eyes were busy looking at the ground so you wouldn't trip over a vine or something.  
  
Reaching the opening, Connie let your wrist go and looked back at you. Then he placed a hand on the top of your (h/c) head and patted you reassuringly. His face looking at the side and seemingly annoyed but he was just embarrassed to bits.  
  
"We can wait." He then says.  
  
You looked at him, and a little to his right side, you noticed some people standing in the distance, and running towards your direction.  
  
"We'll wait, so..." Connie then drops the hand he was using to comfort you and gives you a grin. "You better tell us when you're ready, got that?"  
  
Connie held up his fist and you chuckled at his gesture, this reminded you so much of your childhood back then. If Erian or Devan wanted you to promise something, this was what you always did. You brought your fist up and bumped it to his. A bright smile found its way on your face which calmed him.  
  
"Deal!" You said when your fists collided.  
  
Connie smiled at you and he turned around to walk back to his friends who were waiting in the distance, some waved him over as soon as they saw him walking their direction, the others were in a heated discussion, probably going on about how many trainees they got or who was the fastest.  
  
You just stared at him, a warm smile on your face as you were tackled to the ground by a certain gray-blue eyed girl who was obviously worried for you. Your two childhood friends standing behind Ysavelle were able to let out a sigh of relief, and you ruffled the mop of raven that was hugging you.  
  
"Ysavelle." You said with a worried smile. "Someday, I'll tell you."  
  
"Yep! I can wait." She just grinned back at you, standing up and helping you up after. "Now let's go! Time for lunch!"  
  
You started to walk back to the mess hall with your friends, but this time you were tackled by a brunette. "(F/n)! That was awesome! None of us could find you." She said.  
  
"None of you could, you mean, Sasha." Connie said with an air of importance, some of the boys clearly dissatisfied with his bragging.   
  
Looking at the boy, you brought your face down, a blush creeping on your cheeks as you remembered how stupid you acted earlier. You must've looked like a weak person just cowering over some instructions the instructor gave.  
  
Hands cupped your cheeks and brought your face back up, brown eyes scanning your reddened face that turned a tad darker at the thought of someone seeing you like this.  
  
All of a sudden, she squealed, Erian and Ysavelle who were looking at your flushed face had let out a giggle, Devan simply just gave a smirk and the rest of the people were either giving curious looks (the girls of the 104th) and more commonly, enraged ones (the boys).  
  
You pushed Sasha away, grabbing your two friends who were giggling and speeding off into the mess hall, ignoring their laughing for the better goal of using them to shield your face and disappearing from the other's faces.  
  
Devan had caught up with you three a little while later and gave you a smirk that you so wanted to rip off his face but couldn't do so at the moment. A little ways behind your group was Sasha with a devious grin on her face and the other girls of the 104th who were talking about the most effective way to perform a slice.  
  
Back at the fields, some of the boys were unsheathing their blades, a certain boy with a buzz cut making a dash to the boy's dorms with the others trailing behind him. Looks like for them, a little more training wouldn't hurt.  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER CONNIE?!"  
  
"I DON'T KNOW! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! STOP CHASING ME!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	6. Planning For Next Time

That day seemed just like any other day.  
  
But that was before you were met with something that had changed your viewpoint of the world quite immensely.  
  
Walking along the streets of Stohess, you carried a fresh loaf of bread in your hands from a bakery that was a 15 minute walk away from your home. To be honest, you would have preferred the cake, but certain ingredients were getting scarce these days especially after humanity lost Wall Maria to the titans, and besides, the money wasn't yours to spend anyway, it was your mother's and she has been a little too skeptic about letting you handle money ever since that time with the Military Police.  
  
It was fairly early in the afternoon when you finished your errand, your (h/c) hair tied to the back in a messy bun, your lips in a sweet smile as you hugged the steaming treat close and trudged by shops along the marketplace in Stohess.  
  
Looking to your right, you were certain a scowl had presented itself on your features as you saw uniforms that could only belong to the Military Police. The feeling of fear and hatred still bubbling in your gut as you replayed the scene of your last encounter with them about half a year ago.  
  
They have probably got to be the most pathetic faction in the military, that much you were sure of. Thoughts finding all the negativity it could about them as you walked faster, turning a corner and walking to the next street.  
  
They weren't as noble as the Garrison who strengthened the walls that kept you safe (although you did hear some issues of them drinking at work, but that changed drastically when the walls were breached), and they could only hope of being as heroic and courageous as the Scouting Legion that never stopped fighting for humanity.  
  
You were quite confident that in the face of a titan, they would hide like children and face death before you could even bat an eyelash. Well, you would die too, you guess, but you're going to change that by going to train and become a soldier fit for the Scouting Legion. You didn't care much about going outside the walls, all you wanted was to fight for humanity.  
  
It had taken days upon days of convincing and reasoning to get your parents to even consider the option of you attending the military. The final decision would probably take a year but you didn't mind. You wanted to go and you will. No one or nothing will ever change that.  
  
Your friends Devan and Erian were quite worried about your goal but admitted they wanted to go as well, so that was how you three had made a pact that you would enlist for training as soon as you all turn 12 and work your best to get into the Scouting Legion.  
  
Suddenly, your thoughts were halted by a harsh grasp of your shoulder.  
  
Shakily, you looked to see who owned the hand that was causing your eyes to tear up. You were met with bloodshot eyes, the color of what was probably once a vibrant ochre. He was clad in what seemed like a black trench coat, but underneath that you could see what looked like a disheveled uniform from the military. What faction it was however, was something you couldn't discern at the moment.  
  
In the distance you could see the familiar walls of your house and yet you stood frozen and you didn't know why. The hand clamping down on your left shoulder was starting to get painful enough that your eyes were letting a few drops fall to the ground.  
  
Gathering enough courage, you decided that you should make a run for your home while you still could. The man was probably just lost and needed directions, but the painful grip he had on you told otherwise.  
  
You knew trouble the moment you saw it and this man was the very embodiment of that.  
  
You stomped on his foot with as much strength as your little body could provide you. The pain and shock from getting stomped on had caused a string of curses to be heard above you and his grip faltered a bit, allowing you enough space to squirm away and make a dash for your house's front doors.  
  
"(F/n)!"  
  
Looking up, you saw Devan and Erian a few feet away, a smile on their faces and you couldn't have felt more relieved in your life. They were probably going to visit you and that made you happy. Those smiles however, had changed in a split second to one of fear, eyes wide open and staring at someone behind you.  
  
You didn't want to look back, you didn't even want to pick up the bread that was probably food for the ants by now. Your mother would scold you but you didn't care. Every cell in your body was screaming for you to run faster and you tried.  
  
You could see the garden on your house now, a few more steps and you could have made it, Erian and Devan were still a little ways away and you couldn't help but shout for them to stay away.  
  
You were so close.  
  
Yet the bottle of alcohol was closer as it collided with your head.  
  
Shards of glass was falling around you, your head throbbing and a few red splotches had started dripping from the back of your head. Black was starting to cloud your vision, Erian and Devan's calls were nothing but mere murmurs to you by now and with the last of your strength you told them to run.  
  
Before you could surrender to darkness however, you saw the silhouette of a man with a smile that sent shivers down your spine.  
  
_"Let's play a game, shall we?"_  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
You woke up with a shock, abruptly sitting up from the bed and scanning the room frantically. Your hands gripping the thin sheets that covered the foam, the grip hard enough that you were sure to rip them.  
  
The room was flooded with light. None of the bunk beds were occupied and you were able to let out a choked sob. You brought a hand up to run it through your messy (h/c) strands as you concentrated on taking deep breaths. Each one calming you down until you just sat there, wondering about why no one had bothered to wake you up.  
  
It wasn't like you were hated in the 105th Trainees Squad. You were now on good terms with everyone, sharing hand to hand combat moves, tips on the maneuver gear, and much more. It was to be expected anyway if you've been living with the same groups of people for about half a year.  
  
There was still that one girl who glared at you but you decided to brush it off for now as you stood up and stretched.  
  
"Day off..." You mumbled to yourself as you looked through your drawer to get a cream button-up and your white trousers along with some other necessities. Giving yourself a mental pat in the back for remembering that Shadis probably had a heart after all and gave you your first break in what seemed like forever.  
  
Humming a tune like you always did to calm yourself, you opened the door and stepped outside, taking one last look at your sleeping quarters as you closed the door, feet slowly trudging through the wooden floor and onto the bathroom.  
  
Little did you know however, that on the bed above yours, a hazel eyed girl was lying down. Her lips a tight line, throwing the covers away from her body as soon as she was sure you were down in the hallways.  
  
Hopping down from her bed, she walked to the door to open it just a crack and see for herself if you were still there. Seeing that the coast was clear, she opened the door fully and closed it, a frown visible on her face as she was sure you would try to avoid the matter and say there was nothing wrong like usual. She decided on ignoring the events again, despite it being the 3rd time this week.  
  
You were strong.  
  
Erian was quite positive you could handle yourself quite well. She only hoped it would last.  
  
After a good long bath and with your hair as dry as the towel could allow it to be, you went back to your room to deposit your laundry and hang your towel on one of the steps of the ladder of the bunk bed connecting your bed to Erian's.  
  
You lingered in the space for a while, and after a little bit of trying to reassure yourself that everything was going to be fine, you slipped on your boots and left the girl's dorms in favor of the mess hall where you could meet your friends and grab something to bite.  
  
Placing your hand on the door, you pushed it open to reveal tables of trainees joking about and eating food, the smile on their faces made the corners of your lips turn up a little. You were in a safe place now, that was all that mattered.  
  
"(F/n)!"  
  
A petite blond had gestured to you and you made your way to her.  
  
"Good morning, Krista." You chirped.  
  
"Good morning as well, (F/n)!" She said enthusiastically.  
  
"How was sleep?" A certain auburn haired girl said form the corner of the table near you and across Krista, scooting a little over to the right to give you a seat that you gladly accepted. You noticed that there was a tray of food in front of you so you guessed Erian had gotten you breakfast because she knew you'd be late.  
  
"It was fine." You said with a smile.  
  
"That's good to hear!" Erian lied, and you noticed the slight shift in her voice but decided that you were probably just over thinking stuff. "So... any plans?"  
  
"Practice?" You muttered.  
  
"That's no fun (F/n)!" A brunette girl sitting two people away from Krista had joined in. "You should be going out hunting!"  
  
"Not everyone likes to do that Sasha." Jean mentioned from somewhere in your side of the bench, earning a growl to leave the brunette's lips as she stuffed her face with a steamed potato.  
  
"How about going to town?" You heard Armin's voice say and it was followed by approvals and some complaints (particularly, Devan and Jean).  
  
You brought your attention away from your friends and began eating your breakfast that was turning cold, a warm smile appearing on your lips as you ate a filling meal. You could hear snippets of conversation and it seems that a stroll around town was made the final decision to be what you would do to spend this blessed day off with.  
  
You had no qualms about the matter though, because you knew that with them you were safe.  
  
Yes, you're in a safe place now.  
  
"Do you think we'd get to meet anyone from the Scouting Legion today?"  
  
Someone broke your trance and you stared at Ysavelle who was talking with Ymir; the freckled girl letting out a scoff as she explained of how the Scouting Legion was busy with paperwork and that if you really wanted to see them, then you would have to wait for graduation which was still quite a long time to go.  
  
"What do you think (F/n)?" Erian said from beside you. "Do you think they'll still remember?"  
  
"I doubt so." You smiled.  
  
"If the Scouting Legion is always busy," A beige haired boy said. "Then why are you guys here training with us?"   
  
That was Devan for you, always a smartass about things and good at giving out reasons. You sometimes wondered if it was a trait he learned from the underground or something. The guy could basically talk himself out of any argument and he hasn't lost twice. Twice because he could never get through you and your stubbornness. So he decided to leave you alone to your own devices which you very much appreciated.  
  
"We were sent here because he said we'd do nothing but be a nuisance and mess up his sparkling hallways." Eren said. "Besides, we're doing our job too, and that is to observe you guys."  
  
"Why would you need to do that?" You questioned.  
  
Erian, Ysavelle and Devan had equally confused and curious faces on their persons.  
  
"Don't really know. It was Commander Erwin's orders." The teal eyed boy said, looking to meet your eyes and averting his gaze just as quickly.  
  
"Enough talking about work!" Sasha said, covering her ears. "Are we going out or not?" She said in mock impatience.  
  
At this, everyone took their trays to put it away, setting up the agreement to meet back outside the dorms as you parted ways to proceed to your rooms to prepare for the long day ahead. You were a little confused about what they needed to prepare for when you would all go in your uniform though.  
  
"If we're going to town, might as well buy something." Erian said cheerfully as she rummaged through her battered leather bag that she brought here on the first day of training, and taking out a small sack of what you could only assume was filled with coins.  
  
Ysavelle was just sitting on your part of the bunk bed, legs swinging onto the side as she nodded in agreement. You on the other hand, just sighed and tapped your feet on the floor. It was a habit like the humming, but something you did when you were bored or just unintentionally.  
  
Deciding that you've spent quite some time in the room, you three proceeded to walk down the hallways to go back to the mess hall, bumping into Devan along the way who was still a little annoyed that he agreed to go to this little trip. He reasoned out that a day off was to take a break from training and therefore be used to rest, Sasha wouldn't let him off the hook though, so he eventually had to say yes.  
  
Going to the meeting place, your group had begun an expedition of its own outside the training fields. The place was something you haven't been to for at least 2 years and you were quite shocked to see the changes.  
  
Wall Rose was a beautiful place, and you were pretty sure Wall Maria was equally as beautiful as well despite not having been there before. People who wished for a life in the innermost wall must have been wrong in the head. Life here was much different and better than the boring, stale life Sina presented.  
  
You were walking alongside the others, gradually slowing your tracks and settled for walking a little bit behind, a smile etched on your face as you looked at the backs of your friends happily talking and judging Sasha and her unappeasable appetite.  
  
When you started training, you never really would have thought your small group of three would become this big. The greatest happiness you had for a long time was becoming friends with people that have inspired you for a long time. You were truly happy.  
  
But of course, the world was a cruel being.  
  
"Ah, I'm sorry." You said as you bumped into someone, bowing a little bit to express your deepest apologies.  
  
The man just gave you a click of his tongue and walked away. Seeing his retreating footsteps, you stood up, eyes widening a fraction as you stared at the back of a man dressed in black, the said person, disappearing in the crowds as you felt your muscles stiffen.  
  
"That's not possible (F/n)." You gave a small laugh to cover your dismay. "Hell no." You said, shaking your head to ward off the evil thoughts away from your mind.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
Someone patted you on the back and you turned around swiftly, hands ready to smash a skull if need be. Your eyes meeting olive green ones that towered down on you. His hand still outstretched from patting your back and his face showing signs of worry.  
  
"(F/n)?" He said with a stutter.  
  
"Sorry." You muttered when you recognized the face. "I thought I saw someone I knew..." Your words trailed off.  
  
"A friend?" The boy gave you a genuine smile, and you resisted the urge to cringe.  
  
You were going to get bitten by a titan in half before you even thought of having that bastard for an acquaintance. The thought alone was preposterous. Taking a breath to relieve yourself, you gave a smile back, although yours was forced.  
  
"No." You spat, the word sounding more harshly than you intended. "Just someone I know." You stated again with more emphasis on the words.  
  
The guy had retracted his outstretched hand a few seconds ago and you two were now standing amongst the crowds. He didn't know what to say, and you didn't know what to do. Someone saved you from that predicament though, when a running child had pushed you out of the way harshly.  
  
The tall boy was able to catch you before you fully lost your balance and steadied you on your feet.  
  
Mustering up his courage, he brought forth another smile. "They're at the shop over there." He said, pointing to what seemed like a bookstore. "D-do you want to go?" He said a little unsure, a faint red hue forming on the tips of his ears.  
  
"Of course I do Bertholdt." You said with a small chuckle. "Let's go!"  
  
You took a step forward and it proved to be quite a task because you almost found yourself falling again, if not for the strong arms that held you. You talked like you were fine, but in actuality, you were the complete opposite.  
  
You were shaken, just like the time you awoke from the nightmare. You could stand fine, but you couldn't bring yourself to walk even just one step because you couldn't even feel your legs.  
  
"A-are you sure you're okay?" He said, his worry multiplying tenfold. "Your ankle might be sprained." He said.  
  
"No, I'm fine." You said, quite sure that no sprain was in your body. If that was the case, that would have made you happy.  
  
"It's okay, y-you don't need to act tough all the time..." He answered back, completely unconvinced by your words.  
  
Bertholdt helped you stand again and this time he scanned your form. Taking a deep breath he turned around and crouched, feet planted firmly on the ground and he turned to the side to look at you.  
  
"Let's go (F/n)." He muttered shyly.  
  
You really wanted to say no, but what could you do? You couldn't even run away in your current state. With a frustrated sigh, you bent down, wrapping your arms around his neck loosely, Bertholdt could practically feel his heart perform somersaults in his chest as he hooked his arms under your legs and stood up cautiously.  
  
You thought he was going to the shop your friends were in and you braced yourself for the scenario of being plagued by questions which you really didn't want or need to deal with. Sensing your distress, Bertholdt eyed the place around him.  
  
"We need to bring you somewhere to rest." He says with a smile and you breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
You two were on a crowded area. He said he'd bring you somewhere to rest but to be honest he didn't really know where to go. He wasn't well acquainted with the place despite the couple times he'd go here to get supplies for the Survey Corps or when he was just a trainee following Reiner and the others around.  
  
"Umm... do you want to walk around?" He finally says when he came to the conclusion he was at a loss of where to go. "I mean, I'll do the walking, but umm... well, you're on my back so—"  
  
"Is that okay?" You said, interrupting him before he could stutter himself to death. A little smile tugging at your lips with the way he was struggling to put coherent sentences out earlier. "I'm heavy and if you just give me a little time, I can walk again. I really didn't get sprained."  
  
"You're not heavy at all!" He said quite loudly, a blush now going full force at his face. "And it's okay, just let me do this, I-I want to do it."  
  
You gave a little thought on the matter. You hated feeling weak but it wasn't like you had a choice right now. If you convinced him to put you down and you still couldn't do anything but fail miserably then you'd just embarrass yourself. Besides, a free ride wasn't so bad, right? It's been so long since you were given a piggyback ride too.  
  
After a good minute of trying to convince yourself, you silently agreed and you two started going through the streets, you on his back, your arms on his neck tightening a little bit when you felt you were going to fall. Every so often, Bertholdt would go back to the front of the shop where your friends should be, making sure the group was still there so you two wouldn't get left out.  
  
One time when he went back to check, you peered through the huge shop window in the front to see Erian slapping a book to a two-tone haired boy's head, Ysavelle clearly distressed in the background and Mikasa was stoic as per usual.   
  
You chuckled at the shouting that happened afterwards, and you even saw Devan reading a book with interest in his brown eyes, nodding when Armin seems to be telling him something. Krista and Ymir were sitting on the floor, back against a bookshelf and a stack of books beside them, Sasha was there too, nibbling on a piece of some kind of bread. On the very far corner you could see Eren, Connie and Reiner arguing about something.   
  
You all agreed on strolling around the district but it seems a change of plans were made. Everyone else aside from you and Bertholdt were inside the bookstore for what seemed like an hour now. It didn't matter though as you were happy looking at them. It was nice to see them all getting along one way or another. Unfortunately, you didn't stay for long and had resumed walking again.  
  
Over the slow walks, you and Bertholdt had engaged in conversation, but it was mostly along the lines of how he did when he was in the 104th Trainees Squad, or questions related to his expeditions with the Scouting Legion. There were also times when the conversation was steered towards you, like how life in Sina was, or how you met Devan and Erian.  
  
You didn't necessarily like talking about your life with other people, but he was a friend so you figured you could trust him. Bottling up things inside was never a good thing but of course there are some things best kept hidden.  
  
You were quite curious why Bertholdt could still walk even after having to carry you for a long time. You asked him if he was tired one time, but he said he was okay. Soon the gentle steps he took was slowly lulling you to sleep.  
  
Let's face it, you didn't exactly have a sleepless night, but what little sleep you had wasn't a desirable one. You were tired the moment you woke up and you would very much like to sleep right now.  
  
You gave a small yawn, the sound of it making Bertholdt's cheeks to flush again. He was fortunate you couldn't see his face right now. The thought of you finding out making him a bit flustered and he stumbled a little but caught himself up right away.  
  
It didn't even take a minute after the yawn that you had slumped on his shoulders, hands now intertwined together and hanging loosely on the tall boy's neck. Your head was resting on his right shoulder, your soft breathing against his neck making him close his eyes for a brief second to calm his nerves down.  
  
He liked you, he really did. One day he'd tell it to you when you were awake, but for now he settled for being a little selfish.  
  
"I like you (F/n)." He muttered under his breath and you shifted your position.  
  
He thought his heart would stop but it soon relaxed when he realized you just moved in your sleep. Walking back to the bookstore, he took his time extra slow this time around. He seldom got any time to spend with you and he blamed his confidence on that.  
  
Now you were hugging him, well, he liked to think of it that way at least and it wasn't exactly wrong or right either. In any case, he was happy. Reaching the bookstore, he saw his fellow current and possibly soon-to-be comrades finally step out of the paper scented place.  
  
Devan was the first one to see you two, pointing your direction as the others followed where his finger was directed at. Sasha rushed by to playfully push you off (of course she'd catch you too), but seeing your peaceful sleeping face she settled for a big smile instead.  
  
Erian and Ysavelle walked by Bertholdt to ask him about what happened and he said what he believed was right, and that was of how you sprained your ankle when a kid pushed you out of the way when you guys were headed to the bookstore.  
  
The other boys didn't really like what they were seeing, wishing they were in Bertholdt's place instead. One look at your face however, and the little snore you gave out made their heart feel like butter on a hot furnace and Ymir was teasing them to her heart's content. The others were laughing, some boys trying to defend themselves miserably.  
  
You didn't really sprain your ankle and you just missed the first confession you ever received in your life, but you were a little too asleep to feel guilt or embarrassment anyway.  
  
For the latter part though, you didn't have to worry, since Bertholdt was going to tell you again, and when that time comes, he was going to make sure you were awake to hear every part of it.  
  
He just hoped he wouldn't be late though, since he wasn't the only one doing some planning. **  
**


	7. Of Wooden Daggers and Kicks

You stared at the number in your hands.  
  
10.  
  
That was what the small piece of paper in your palm said. You flipped it over, held it up to see it clearly, flipped it over and over again. A sigh escaping your lips as you pocketed the piece of paper and made your way to the trainees grouped up a little farther to your left, wooden dagger gripped in your hands loosely as you heaved out another sigh.  
  
You never thought Keith Shadis was a creative person. Training was always boring the first few months, but lately he's been trying to change things up a little by incorporating people from the previous 104th squad into your everyday boring routines. Did he eat something? Maybe he hit his head somewhere? In any case, it was bothersome.  
  
It wasn't that you hated it. Heck no. You were extremely ecstatic about getting to train with skillful people on an almost everyday basis. They are your inspirations afterall. It's just that they're professionals and you're just a trainee trying your best to get good grades and hopefully make it into the top 10. It's not like you can match their skill level right off the bat!  
  
On a scale of one to ten, they were probably a hundred and you were a 0.01. People in Sina weren't lying when they said the previous batch of recruits were damn good, because they were. They were so damn good that training suddenly changed from walks in the parks to treks in a battlefield.  
  
"What'd you get (F/n)?" A girl with short raven hair and gray-blue eyes said as she walked up next to you.  
  
"10." You muttered.  
  
"Oh..." Ysavelle said with a confused look. "I got 7." She then said, showing you her strip of paper with a smile on her face and you two stopped walking when Erian and Devan caught up to you and asked about what numbers you got.  
  
What was with these pieces of paper anyway?  
  
You absolutely had no idea except for the fact that you had to get a piece of paper from a box because Shadis' subordinate had told you so. Erian got the same number as Ysavelle which was a 7, Devan got a 5 and you got 10. From this you assumed that the numbers might be used for groupings since some people got the same digits.  
  
"What do you think we're doing today?" Erian said poking your cheek.  
  
"Hand to hand combat was in the schedule." You muttered, pinching her cheek in return for the poke that she has been annoying you with for about a minute now. "It's early afternoon now though, we should have started hours ago if we were to follow the training schedule."  
  
"Mmhm..." Erian hummed in agreement, her finger still prodding your cheek.  
  
Erian knew you weren't angry though, being friends with you for years gave her the ability to know at a glance if you were pissed or not. Besides, your friends knew it took a lot from people to piss you off or snap you. If they did, then they were probably just a tad too unlucky at the time to aggravate you when you weren't exactly in your best of spirits at the moment.  
  
"Never pegged him as this creative." Devan said in monotone. "Keith Shadis of all people."  
  
You hummed in approval as you four sat down on the training grounds with the other trainees chattering about what faction in the military they wanted to go to. You weren't surprised to hear that a good lot of them wanted to be a Garrison soldier or a Military Police one. It wasn't in your place to tell them what to do but you couldn't hide the distaste in your features when they said they wanted to serve or save the king.  
  
As far as you're concerned, the king didn't need any saving. It was people on the walls outside Sina that needed them the most. If this wall was breached then Sina would be next. There wouldn't be an outer wall or inner wall anymore. There would only be one wall where all of humanity is packed together like tightly held bundles of small sticks you used to get for firewood when you were younger.  
  
As much as you hated the king and almost the whole of Sina, you didn't want that.  
  
Humanity was going to win and you're going to help. Just like you said on day one, you'd continue fighting as long as your limbs were intact.  
  
"No! The best way to kick is definitely down there!"  
  
You choked on air as you snapped your attention to Erian who was arguing with a clearly displeased Devan. Ysavelle just watched the two intently like you did, she has been in your group for a good amount of time to surmise that this was nothing but a daily occurrence.  
  
These two best friends of yours always bickered like siblings. You really wanted to give Devan a pat on the back for being able to handle Erian, but well he was better at controlling himself than you could ever hope you'd do to yourself so that was probably why he was sticking up for so long. He also regarded his friends highly which was one of the things you admired him for.  
  
"You're embarrassing you know that!" Devan spat back. "Hand to hand combat is about techniques."  
  
"That is a technique! It's effective too!"  
  
"Guys..." Ysavelled tried to calm them, looking around to see some eyes trained on your two friends. "Let's settle this nicely, okay?"  
  
"Shut up!" They both shouted at the raven who flinched at their words.  
  
You scooted from your spot beside Erian to move to where the ravenette was and reassuringly patted her on the head. You told her to not bother herself because this was a lost case and these two would most likely apologize to her later. If not, then you'd make them do it.   
  
Deciding it was too loud here right now, you stood up and pulled Ysavelle to the same position as well and ushered her to walk a short distance away so you could sit down and watch the scene your friends were making, both your eardrums now safe from harm.  
  
Ysavelle and you then engaged in light conversation, completely ignoring the two who were shouting their heads off. You'd be lying if you said you weren't getting a little agitated by the stares your group was receiving from the other trainees who had taken an interest in the bickering that was ongoing. Some were laughing at Erian's remarks and you really fought the urge to slam your face on the ground.  
  
Someone tapped your shoulder and you looked up, neck stretching and eyes squinting from the sun as you were met with ocean blue eyes.  
  
"Armin?" Ysavelle said, looking up as well.  
  
You thought you saw his cheeks turn a little red as you gazed at him intently, but when he sat beside you he looked perfectly fine. You really needed more time out of the sun because you were probably hallucinating back there.  
  
"Hey Ysavelle, (F/n)." He mutters.  
  
You gave him a smile that stopped circulation on his system. He then tried to focus on other things and that's when he saw your two friends, a worried look painting his features as he pointed to the two who might kill each other on the spot. Before you could answer however, someone else spoke up.  
  
"They never stop don't they?" You glanced beside Armin to see Jean with his arms crossed, his face a smirk.  
  
"Ha! They're just like you and Eren!" Connie joined in, smirking at the scowl that he got from the ashy-brown mopped boy.   
  
"Except none of them have a horseface!" A teal eyed boy interrupted.  
  
"You wanna go, Eren?" Jean then said, uncrossing his arms and taking a fighting stance.  
  
You and Ysavelle settled with a little chuckle, that sweet little sound that rang in the ears of the boys as they continued to act as oblivious to you as they can. It was a mystery how they could hear that small sound over the loud shouting and chit chat around the fields.  
  
"Eren." A stoic female stepped in before a brawl could take place. The brunette was then scheduled for a scolding by Mikasa, red scarf still wrapped snugly across her neck even though the heat was enough to fry you all to a crisp.  
  
Pretty soon, you looked behind your group of friends to see Erian and Devan standing and taking deep breaths, their eyebrows furrowed, arms crossed and a temporary danger glinting in their brown and hazel eyes as they glared 3DMG blades at each other.  
  
You then stood up, much to Armin's dismay (because he was actually enjoying being next to you) and walked over to the two, Ysavelle following you behind closely, curious as to what you'd do this time.  
  
"You two." You said sternly when you were standing about a meter and a half away from them and their faces were focused at you now, their eyes never losing that fierce look.  
  
You then gave a sigh, eyes mirroring theirs.  
  
Without warning you made a dash for them, but just a few inches away you dropped to the ground swiftly and performed a sweep kick that none of the two had expected to see from you. Standing up, you heard a grunt, Erian was sitting on the floor with a grimace, Devan was able to regain his footing before he fell but it was a lucky save.  
  
"I swear you guys are like children sometimes." You spat, hand grasping Erian's arm and bringing her up. "Go make up before I flip you over and drop you off the walls."  
  
"You wouldn't." Erian said with a pout.  
  
"Try me." You said.  
  
Well, you couldn't really drop them off the walls and Erian had every right to be confident in her statement, but you could definitely flip them over a couple hundred times if you had to and you'd do it gladly.  
  
"Tch." Devan clicked his tongue and looked off to the side.  
  
You were about to scold them again when someone had slid their arm across your shoulders, the muscular build giving the mystery person away before you even glanced to the side to see golden eyes and light blond hair.  
  
"You guys better listen to (F/n)." He said with a proud smile on his face, his mind going over his comrades dissatisfied faces as he had an arm around you.  
  
"Everyone's been staring at you two for a while now." Krista then said, allowing Erian and Devan to look around, their facial features changing from anger to one of subtle embarrassment, of course Devan was able to hide his though.  
  
"Look, guys." You then said, getting out of Reiner's hold and to bring your hands to ruffle the heads of beige and auburn. "We're doing hand to hand combat today, just do your techniques your own way and then see who's more effective or not."  
  
Erian was the first to speak. "Fine." She mumbled.  
  
Devan followed after but his was more of a silent agreement as he just nodded.  
  
"Are we going to have hand to hand combat training though?" Erian said, her demeanor returning to that sweet girl you knew. "Maybe it got cancelled? Do you guys have any idea?" She looked everyone that wasn't you or Ysavelle.  
  
"Don't think so." Connie said in deep thought. "We were instructed to be here though and wait for further commands."  
  
You then gave a sigh of relief and took your hands away from your friend's heads. The trainees of the 105th, seeing the fight was done, had returned back to talking of things that didn't even interest you. The sun had taken its spot high up above your heads and training still hasn't taken place. What was Shadis planning on doing today?  
  
You were beginning to think training really did get cancelled, but then you saw a familiar man walk out of one of the buildings, hands behind his back as always and he took steady steps until he was standing in front of the cluttered mess of trainees on the field.  
  
He gestured over to the members of the 104th who one by one left your group and they huddled around the man who seemed to be discussing something to them. He then gestured to another man who was standing nearby and instructed your friends to get something from the envelope the man carried.  
  
You raised an eyebrow at this, the other trainees were getting the gist of what was going on and everyone was quiet now.  
  
After everyone from the 104th had gotten a piece of paper and had a good look at it, they pocketed the small scraps and lined up. It wasn't by height this time, it was at random. Shadis was at the front of them as always, facing you rookies.  
  
"As I had some business to take care of at Stohess since yesterday." He began. "Training has been pushed a little out of schedule."  
  
You raised an eyebrow at this statement. No wonder everyone seemed a little too lax yesterday. You grew a little bothered however, as to what kind of business the instructor would need to do at the inner wall. Your thoughts were getting a little bit disturbing trying to find different reasons so you just pushed them back out of your head.  
  
You have yet to tell your best friends about what you saw when you ventured into town weeks ago. You weren't a hundred percent sure, but you had to tell them because they deserved to know and had to know.  
  
"Today you will do hand to hand combat."  
  
"No shit." Devan muttered under his breath, earning a muffled laugh to come out of your lips. You gave him a rough nudge as you looked back up ahead, thankful Shadis didn't see that.  
  
"I assume you all have your numbers that I instructed my subordinate to give out." A chorus of agreements resounded, making Shadis clear his throat to silence the fields again. "Your numbers will match one of the members of the Scouting Legion behind me." He said, earning some gasps and worried tones.  
  
Shadis then turned around to face the people behind him, a display of proud salutes was shown and they began shouting off the numbers they got.  
  
1, Eren Yeager. 2, Krista Lenz. 3, Armin Artlert. 4, Bertholdt Hoover. 5, Connie Springer. 6, Mikasa Ackerman. 7, Jean Kirchstein. 8, Sasha Braus. 9, Ymir and last but not the least, the person holding your number. 10, Reiner Braun.  
  
"In today's hand to hand combat training, you will be engaging with the person whose number matches yours. You will go alphabetically by surname. The goal will be to take the dagger from the enemy. When your dagger is taken away, return to the group, if you are able to take down the opponent, you are permitted to return to your rooms, though you may also stay if you want to."  
  
Sounds of distress echoed around. It looks like everyone was certain no one was going back to their rooms until everyone was done.  
  
"Commence training now!"  
  
Trainees then shuffled about to their respective deaths. Your group of friends only dispersing after sending wishes of luck to each other and you telling Erian and Devan to quit glaring at each other. You then made your way to the group of trainees sitting closely at each other and watching as a girl with platinum blond hair tied to the back was deflecting hits left and right.  
  
They wasted no time didn't they?  
  
You sighed as you sat down, your hands turning a little sweaty as you gripped your wooden dagger because whether you liked it or not, you were actually a little nervous right now. You've done 3DMG training with them, hikes around the mountain with bags that made your body ache with how heavy they were and many others, but there was never hand to hand combat.  
  
Some days, members of the 104th would demonstrate some moves to curious trainees who asked for tips, and from what little of them you saw, it was no doubt that they were the real deal. That doesn't mean you weren't going without a fight though.  
  
Looking away from the brawl in front of you, where you noticed the girl had been replaced by a scrawny tall man with dark brown hair, you saw someone standing a good distance away, clipboard in hand and writing some things down every now and then as he watched the training.  
  
Glancing around at the many different groups across the fields, it occurred to you that every member of the 104th had some kind of soldier with them standing a good distance away, it was like the guy with the clipboard you saw earlier. A subordinate of Shadis most likely, and without a doubt they were grading not the members of the Scouting Legion but your trainee squad.  
  
Right.  
  
You wanted to make it in the top 10 for graduation. It wasn't because you wanted to get a chance in the Military Police, it was just because people in the top 10 are those who are strong, and you very much wanted to be strong. You wanted the strength to let go of the past that was gnawing at you until this very moment and consuming your sleep.  
  
"Ah Fuck!" You heard a guttural sound as one trainee from your group stomped back to a spot near you, an irate expression on him as he rubbed his shoulder and winced.  
  
Your face had a worried look on it right now. They were really serious weren't they? You heard from Jean and Armin that Reiner was able to escape the clutches of the Female Titan on the 57th Expedition and that was a great feat. The fact that you know he graduated as the 2nd best in the 104th wasn't helping you keep your cool as well.  
  
"(L/n)." You tensed as you looked to the guy with the clipboard, scanning the group for you. With a deep breath you stood up, an air of confidence about you as you fixed your grip on the dagger. "(F/n) (L/n)?" He questioned and you nodded.    
  
"You're up."  
  
You gave a stern nod and walked to the front to face your competitor. You could feel the world still itself, sounds were being washed away until there was none. Reiner stood in front of you, his fighting stance telling you he won't go easy on you. Your mind did not fail to register the pile of about twenty pieces of wooden daggers proudly displayed a good two feet away from him.  
  
You readied yourself for the fight, feet apart and planted firmly on the ground, knees bent, your raised your arms and bent them as well, eyes never losing contact of the golden eyes that were trained on you.  
  
"Begin."  
  
You didn't have enough time to process what was going on. Before you knew it, Reiner was inches away from you, his speed was definitely something to be wary of. But your stealth wasn't on the level of average as well.  
  
Before his fist could collide with your face, you crouched down and ran to the side with as much speed you could muster. When you stood up, you flinched at the pain you felt on your leg. 2nd best indeed. Reiner was able to still give a kick before you could fully escape, luckily it wasn't that bad that you had to stop fighting.  
  
You fixed your stance again, this time you decided it was your turn to be on the offensive so you ran to him, giving a shout as you swung your fist that he easily caught. You knew you'd be done if you don't get away from his hold so you jerked it back as fast as you can and swung your foot so it hit his shoulder.  
  
The tips of Reiner's mouth had turned up to form a small smirk that was to irk you. You returned that smirk with a tight lipped scowl, and then he performed a roundhouse kick that you managed to block with your wrist that was holding the dagger.  
  
The upside of it was that you stopped his foot from crashing straight into your face, the downside however was that the kick was so inhumanly strong that not only did you get moved from your previous spot by a few inches, but you also almost dropped the dagger because you couldn't feel your wrist anymore.  
  
You threw the dagger to your other hand and rubbed your wrist to at least alleviate the numbness now travelling to your lower arm.  
  
"Damn you're good." You manage to spit out as you examined your wrist before resuming position.  
  
"You're not half bad either." Reiner said with a smug expression.  
  
You then flashed him a smirk and tried to go through the options of attack in your mind. For someone like Reiner that probably came forth from a rock or something, it would take a good lot of strength and will to flip him over.  
  
He was good at guarding and so you needed something that could falter that guard down even just a little bit so you could take him down. Coming to a conclusion you nodded to yourself, the action causing Reiner to get curious and he raised his eyebrow.  
  
Sweat was dripping on your forehead now, the heat was relentless and you were getting tired with each second spent in this fight. You and Reiner were standing a good 2 meters away from each other. None of you had made a move for about a minute now.   
  
On the corner of your eye you could see trainees from other groups looking at your direction, some with bored looks and others just curious.  
  
You summoned your concentration again and slid your right foot to the back a little bit. Taking a good long deep breath to calm you down, you reviewed your little plan and in a split second you were running. Reiner was expecting this and he brought his arms close, ready to block any attack.  
  
He wasn't expecting what you did next though.  
  
Actually nobody was.  
  
As soon as you were nearing him, you stretched your arms out, earning a confused look in Reiner's golden orbs and a much more confused one to the guy with the brown clipboard. Before anyone could react though, you were up in the air. Gasps erupted from around you.  
  
With your outstretched arms, you had just placed your hands on Reiner's shoulders and hoisted yourself up with a jump, for a moment it looked like you were doing a handstand on his shoulders, but you soon reached the ground again, landing behind the blond man in a crouching position and wasting no time to even breathe as you swiftly performed a sweep kick much like the one you did earlier for Devan and Erian.  
  
You were moving on instinct now.  
  
Instinct. That little something that made all reasoning go out of your system but the one thought of doing anything you can to survive. Your body was moving faster than your mind could read the situation and when your mind finally did catch up, you were pinning Reiner down on the ground.  
  
Reiner looked at your eyes and was met with your (e/c) pools that looked so much like that of an animal defending itself in its time of death. You were biting your bottom lip, your right knee was on the ground an inch near his head, the left one was bent sideways, the sole of of your boots was pinning the hand of his outstretched arm, the one holding the dagger.  
  
Your very own dagger was pressed against his neck lightly. The (h/c) locks of yours were now cascading down your face to frame your face.  
  
You then heard someone talking and it brought your senses back together.  
  
"(F/n) (L/n)." The voice said.  
  
You tensed up, and drew the wooden blade away from Reiner's neck. Giving him an apologetic smile, you stood up and held your arm out which he took. With one good strong pull, you were able to help him up and you turned around to see one of Shadis' subordinate.  
  
"You have the choice to retire to your quarters." He said in a monotone, though this failed to hide the astonishment on his features.  
  
At this, you couldn't stop a sigh of relief to escape your lips and you turned around to face Reiner and gave him a smile like that of a child who just won a game and was proudly looking back at her parents.  
  
Reiner let out a small laugh and reached a hand up to pat you on the head.  
  
"Damn you're good." He said with a smirk, repeating your words earlier.  
  
You returned the smirk with a proud grin and you then walked over to the pile of daggers to deposit your own before going back into the group to sit down.  
  
Before you could sit down though, an almost high-pitched yell rang throughout the fields catching everyone's attention. You stood up straight again at the sound, looking around for the source of the voice.  
  
It came from a spot that was about two groups of trainees away from you, and then your eyes widened in shock.  
  
You saw Ysavelle, her face looked like she had just witnessed the biggest crime you could conjure on someone. Erian was in a fighting stance, one leg up in the air and arms bent near her face. There was nothing typically odd about that, except near her feet were tufts of ashy-brown hair and dark brown.  
  
Jean was clutching something between his legs. The person overseeing the match had dropped his clipboard and stared at the scene in shock.  
  
"She didn't..." You said in disbelief, not realizing you said the words out loud.  
  
"Oh, she fucking did." You heard Connie say from the group left of yours and his face had a grimace on it.  
  
You saw Devan too, he was sitting down but his dagger wasn't on him so you thought he was done with the training. That wasn't important right now though. Everyone had their eyes trained on the poor two-tone haired boy and many had a look of pity on their faces (mostly the men).  
  
You could see Mikasa pull her scarf up to probably hide a smirk, Ymir was laughing her heart out, Krista looked worried and shocked at the same time, Bertholdt seemed as if he could feel Jean's pain with the look he was showing and Sasha was laughing as well. Armin had a look of disbelief on his face and Eren was hugging his stomach to stop himself from laughing too much.  
  
"Thank the walls she didn't get my number." You heard Reiner say from beside you.  
  
"Damn right." Connie seconded.  
  
And that was how training ended short of an hour that day.


	8. Games With Letters

You had no idea why but you were awake right now.  
  
You had a very good sleep and it was one of those rare days that you didn't have to worry about some nightmares which was getting unnervingly abundant these nights, yet right now you're up and about although you could feel sleep trying to pull you back in its embrace and you were pretty sure that training wasn't going to come around until a few hours later.  
  
You were lying down on your bed comfortably, the thin blankets doing very little to shield you from the cold but still doing their job nonetheless. A small frown appeared on your face when you realized you were still in your uniform and there was an aching in several parts of your body from yesterday's training.  
  
Who ever knew that horseback riding was going to be a huge pain in the butt. It was easily one of your most hated yet liked form of training.  
  
It was hard to explain. For one, you liked it when you went to great speeds and had the wind blowing through your (h/c) locks, you had a background of it too since your father would sometimes let you ride his horse with him to small business trips, but that horse of his wasn't a stubborn one like yours was yesterday.   
  
It took a lot of effort to even get the guy to go a few damn steps.   
  
Sitting up from bed, you looked to the floor and saw that your boots were now arranged nicely, which you assumed Erian or Ysavelle did because you clearly remember just throwing your boots off before burying your face in your pillow and sleeping right away.  
  
A look outside the small window near your bed gave you the idea that it was probably 5 in the morning. Faint chirping of the birds could be heard and the sky's heavy purple and navy blue shades from the night before was now a lighter hue and orange was spreading in the far distance but the sun has yet to be seen.  
  
You brought your left hand up, curled it into a loose fist and knocked it lightly on the side of the bunk bed above yours.  
  
Pretty soon, an auburn haired girl was peering down at you.  
  
"What's wrong (F/n)?" She says in a whisper, eyes still glazed with sleep.  
  
"I don't know." You say truthfully, earning you a confused stare from your friend. "I feel like something's up today but I don't know what."  
  
"We have the usual training today?" Erian says.  
  
"No... I have this weird gut feeling." You mention.  
  
Erian was now going down the ladder and sat herself next to you, hazel eyes scanning your (e/c) hues. She brought a hand up to run it through her hair and the other one she used to cover a small yawn.  
  
"Okay, what are you feeling?"  
  
"Like I said, I don't know."  
  
You heard someone shuffling about in their bed and you and Erian closed your mouths momentarily to observe your surroundings. Someone sat up on the bottom unit of the bunk bed across from yours, gray-blue eyes were alert and scanning the room until her eyes befall you and Erian.  
  
"What's going on?" She mutters.  
  
"(F/n) can't sleep." Erian says.  
  
"A nightmare?" Ysavelle asks quietly, a little more aware of your situation because she's seen the way you moved about at night quite a few times already.  
  
"None of that." You say as you shook your head.  
  
Ysavelle then looks at you with confusion that you returned. She then moved around until she was sitting cross legged on her bed like Erian was doing in yours, her blanket was long forgotten and pooled at her side, the raven then stretched her arms out to grab her pillow and she hugged it.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" The raven quips with a smile.  
  
"I would but I really don't know what it is." You mutter. "I feel like something's going on today."  
  
"Good or bad?" Erian said with a slight interest.  
  
"...Bad?"  
  
The raven was about to ask you something then but you all silenced yourselves when all of a sudden, there was a faint knocking that could be heard on the other side of the door. All three of you girls looked at each other. Coming to a decision that whoever was outside wasn't a threat, you stood up from bed and slipped your boots on before walking to the door.   
  
You paused for a while until you heard the faint knocking again before you opened it just a crack.  
  
You were met with tufts of beige, a person's dark brown eyes looking at yours.  
  
"Dev?" You say, opening the door a little more. "What's up?"  
  
You heard the beds creak as Ysavelle and Erian sat on the edge, eyes looking over to their friend and wondering why he was up and in the girl's dorm of all places when the sun had barely risen.  
  
"Let's go." Was all he says as he grabs your arm and pulls you out of the room. He looks inside and gestures for your two friends to come on over as well.  
  
The four of you were then walking across the silent, dimly lit hallways, boots making light clicking noises as it met with the wooden floorboards. Everyone aside from the boy had a curious look on their features as you walked past rooms and turned corners. You had no idea where Devan was bringing you three this early in the morning but you of course trusted him enough to know he didn't mean any harm.  
  
You then realized he was leading you outside as he stopped by the door that separated the cold interior of the dorms to the chilly morning air outside. With a swift push, you were all outside, the early morning air met with your face and it was great, except for the fact that it was so damn cold.  
  
You had just about enough about getting dragged around so you were going to ask Devan what was going on, except before you could open your mouth to speak, someone else had spoken up and that voice was something you knew well.  
  
"You made it!" The voice shouted in a near squeal.  
  
Before you could even get the gist of what was happening or locate where the voice specifically was, a brunette girl came running towards you, tackling you in a tight hug right away that almost took all the air out of your system. You brought a hand up to pat her on the back desperately to get her off before you die from lack of air.  
  
"What's going on... Sasha?" Erian managed to say with a little uncertainty.  
  
The girl in question peeled herself off of you and to look at you four with a bright grin on her face, yet you could see a little tint of sadness in her brown eyes.  
  
It was still fairly dark outside and your eyes had yet to begin adjusting to the dark so you couldn't really tell much about the girl's expression, thus, you decided not to assume things yet.  
  
"We just wanted to see you guys!" She said. "You know, before we go!"  
  
"Go?" Ysavelle said from beside you, gray-blue eyes now adjusting to the lighting like yours were doing.  
  
Members of the 104th were a good foot of a distance behind Sasha, their forest green cloaks with the wings of freedom insignia on their backs were draped around them, their Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear was fit snugly to their hips and some were busying themselves checking the conditions of their horses which you didn't realize was there because the said animals weren't making much of a noise.  
  
"Oh..." You muttered to yourself. "So that was probably the gut feeling?"  
  
You were always sensitive about these things since you were young.   
  
Like you would know if someone had left your house or if someone was visiting even if you'd just gotten out of bed and have yet to travel down the staircase to see your parents talking to some friends.   
  
Again, you didn't want to discuss how you got this so you just thought little of it.  
  
Sasha looked at you with a puzzled stare, but then she pivoted on her heel and placed her hands to cover the sides of her mouth.  
  
"Guys! They're here!" She shouts, allowing some people to raise their heads up and some flashed a small smile your way while Sasha linked her arms to yours and Ysavelle's then dragged you to the group. Devan and Erian were walking right behind you three.  
  
When you were standing in the midst of horses and members of the 104th, you shot a look at Devan who just shrugged.  
  
"I was woken out of sleep too." Devan explains, light irritation lining his voice since he was never the type of person who wanted to be woken up from a slumber much like you.   
  
Although of course, between you and Devan and on the matter of being woken up in sleep, he was like a firecracker and you were a time bomb. You gave your beige haired friend an understanding pat on the shoulder that he met with a click of his tongue and the light of slapping your hand away.  
  
"So..." Erian began. "You guys are leaving?"  
  
"Yeah." Connie said as he made his way to you guys. "Got called back to HQ for some reason. Seems the higher ups were called into Sina so we kind of have to look after stuff."  
  
"All the best then!" Ysavelle quipped.  
  
You just stood there a little quietly, eyes hopping over to every member that was busying themselves over checking things that didn't need to be checked or people who were standing before you with a somewhat apologetic smile, though of course you knew no one had any apologizing to do.  
  
"(F/n)?" Erian nudged you on the side, noticing how awfully silent you've become.  
  
You noticed Devan and Ysavelle were looking at you as well, their expressions clearly showing that they have a slight idea as to why you were acting this way. Well, you were never really one to have a lot of friends for a long time now and you were used to being in small groups.  
  
Then when you started training you met people again, some of those said persons becoming a little too close than you would have liked them to be. It was an understatement to say that you were saddened right now although to be honest you cannot put into words what you were feeling.   
  
You just knew that you felt terrible.  
  
"I'm fine." You muttered with a smile.  
  
Someone then brought a hand up to your head and ruffled it roughly before coming to a stop. Light brown eyes were looking at yours, a seemingly uninterested look was on his face as he averted his gaze to look at whatever could be seen left of you.  
  
"Tch... you better graduate and get into the Scouting Legion. Got that?" He says and then he goes away before you could even tell him anything.  
  
"Don't worry! I will!" You shout back and he just waved his hand back.  
  
You guessed Jean still had some issues being near Erian because of what happened one day in hand to hand combat. Eren wouldn't let him live it down as well and it became the talk of dinner or breakfast more often than not. You felt bad for him, but yeah, you just couldn't stop yourself from letting out a chuckle at least at the thought of him waddling like a duck and crying into Shadis' subordinate saying he was going to die.  
  
The saddest part of that was that the subordinate couldn't help but laugh at him.  
  
A smile then creeped up onto your face at the thought but then a teal eyed boy cupped your cheeks and pushed them together, making you furrow your eyebrows as he looked upon you with a bright grin on his face.  
  
"See you in two months!" He beamed and then let your cheeks go.  
  
"Huh?" Erian said from beside you, casting a questioning look to the boy with vibrant emerald eyes even in the poor lighting. "Training for the military is supposed to take 3 years, right? Are you going back here?"  
  
Eren shook his head at Erian's question.  
  
"We're still not even a year through." Devan adds, confused as well.  
  
"Oh, they didn't tell you yet?" Eren then said, his words paired with the crossing of arms and the boy seemed to be remembering something. "I'm not so sure about what happened either but they said this year's batch of trainees will only have a year of training, then you're off to your factions."  
  
"Well that's lucky." You heard Ysavelle say. "We're going to be the youngest to graduate."  
  
"Isn't that a little too rushed though?" You said. "We might not be ready to kill the titans yet."  
  
"You guys will do just fine." Reiner says when he reaches you guys and gives you a wink that you chuckled at. "Besides, I can kill the titans for you." He smirks.  
  
"I took down more titans than you ever did." Eren interrupted with a small scowl.  
  
"Yeah, but you did most of them in your titan form." Reiner spat back.  
  
"That still counts as a kill!"  
  
"Excuse me?" You heard Connie say as he pushed through the two. "Let's not forget who saved us last time."  
  
The two soldiers gave a groan to the shorter guy.  
  
"That was Captain Levi!" Eren reasoned out.  
  
You chuckled at the three who were arguing about their titan kills and who would protect you when you noticed a particularly tall guy behind them, just standing there quietly and wanting to break the fight but not sure how to.  
  
You peered behind the three soldiers and locked eyes with Bertholdt who just flashed you a small smile and fiddled with his fingers. You were pretty sure this time that there was a red hue to his face but you passed it off as something that happened because it was cold out.  
  
"I'll miss you (F/n)." He suddenly says.  
  
"Same here." You flashed him as smile as you gave him a playful punch to the stomach that he chuckled at.  
  
The three men who were arguing just a minute ago had silenced themselves and observed your form. They really thought it would suck that they had to go, what if you find someone else when they were gone? I guess they could  ~~kill the bastard~~  live with it but that life would suck.  
  
By now the guys of the 104th had come clear that they had a slight affection towards you. Yes. slight, because they still didn't want to admit that they obviously liked you. Of course when asked by Sasha they would always say no or make up some excuse, but they couldn't really hide the way they found their eyes glancing over you during training or help the feeling of wanting to talk to you all the time.  
  
"Guys, we have to leave before the sun rises." You heard Armin's voice say from the background.  
  
"See you soon!" You gave out a smile and Armin gave one back.  
  
A few sounds of disappointment could be heard but they knew they had to get back unless they were up for cleaning the whole base top to bottom and repeating it a couple hundred times.  
  
The 104th then started mounting their horses and Sasha gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze before running to her steed and giving herself one good lift to sit on the saddle.  
  
Everyone was doing some last minute checking and you saw Krista give you a small smile. Ymir and Mikasa looked stoic as always, but they gave a small wave before Jean took position in the front of the group (much to Eren's displeasure) and shouted for his horse to move onward.  
  
Everyone in the 104th soon followed suit after wishing you and your friends good luck and a 'hope to see you soon', they were but a mere silhouette in the early morning scenery in less than a few seconds, the emblem of freedom fluttering behind them before they disappeared through the fields.  
  
"Training is gonna be a little bit boring now." You heard Erian say.  
  
"Tell me about it." You said as you turned around and decided to go to the mess hall.   
  
There weren't a lot of people up at 5 in the morning, you proved that thought when you entered the mess hall and found it empty and void of light. The kitchen was silent as well, and you couldn't smell anything but wood so Erian just flipped the light switch to the room open and you four sat at a table near the corner to just talk whatever you could.  
  
Training started at 8 in the morning and breakfast was usually available an hour before that.   
  
Members of the 105th wouldn't be flooding in the mess hall any time soon and you figured trying to sleep for an hour more wouldn't be so bad, but nowadays you usually don't get the time to talk to your friends anymore except between 15 minute breaks in training or those quick meals you did.  
  
If you were really going to graduate in a few months then that would explain how training has been hectic the last couple months. What used to be dinners at 8 in the evening got pushed past 10 and you still had those nightmares almost every night but you were always so tired that you didn't care anymore.  
  
"(F/n). If you wanna sleep then just say so."  
  
You didn't realize you had closed your eyes and was nodding off on the table until Erian had steadied you and shook you up a little. Hazel eyes were trying to read your dazed (e/c), and so were the gray-blues and browns.  
  
"I'm okay." You simply said.  
  
The others looked at you unconvincingly, to which you replied with a sigh.  
  
"Look, I am sleepy but I don't have to." You reason out.  
  
"Yeah, but none of us have certain 'troubles' like you do." Erian said.  
  
"Just leave it." Devan then says, another point to add on to why he was your favorite friend. "No one can get through this brick head." Okay, nevermind.  
  
You gave him a glare and laced your fingers together as you rested them on top of the table. You were fighting with everything you have to not let your eyelids fall over your eyes but you were failing miserably. Ysavelle then stood up from her seat across you to pull you up and usher you out of the mess hall. She offered to go back to the dorms with you but you reasoned out that you could stay.  
  
With a shake of her head, she pushed you out of the door.  
  
"Good night (F/n)!" She said with a smile.  
  
"It's already morning."  
  
"I'll wake you up later, okay?"  
  
"I can stay..."  
  
You were then met with the door as Ysavelle silently closed it.  
  
Giving a small sigh, you decided to walk back to the dorms. It was better to go alone than to be dragged there again so you just hummed a little tune as you trudged by rooms and offices.  
  
Nearing the girl's dorms, you thought you heard some distant footsteps, but glancing around you were met with nothing but emptiness. The hallway you were in was long and you couldn't see any one else in there but you.  
  
You could feel it though.  
  
Someone's eyes were watching you.  
  
"Hello?" You turned around and called, but no one answered.  
  
Taking a deep breath and facing forward again, you thought about turning around and going back to the mess hall, you were sure if you told your friends they would tell you it's just because you were sleepy and maybe you really were, you were just too much of a stubborn person to admit so.  
  
You heard another creaking noise and this time you were sure that you weren't making things up. Taking one long look around you, you decided to make a dash for your dorm room and once you got there, you quickly opened the door and shut it back as soon as you could. Your eyes scanned the interior and saw your fellow trainees still sleeping soundly.  
  
A few soft snores, the occasional mumbling in their sleeps and the rising and falling of the blankets that covered their bodies allowed you to relax.  
  
Making your way to the bed, you noticed a neatly folded piece of paper on the messy covers.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, you picked the paper up. It was a small one that was only just a little bigger than your palm, kind of like those little pieces of paper stuck to bouquets of flowers or gifts your dad would give your mother from time to time.  
  
You sat yourself on the bed and took off your boots, not minding to properly arrange them since you'd be waking up an hour later after all. You then let yourself lay back on the bed, a content grunt leaving your lips as your head hits your pillow and you pull your blankets up to cover you up to the collar bone.  
  
"I'll really miss them." You mutter to yourself but brush the idea off because you didn't need to worry when you'll be meeting them again in the Scouting Legion once you graduate.   
  
You could do this, you reassured yourself. If what Eren said was true then you could most definitely last a couple more weeks and then you'd eating meals with them or training with them again.  
  
Once snugly wrapped around your blankets and ready for sleep, your mind drifted off from a couple things and topics before it remembered the letter the you saw on your bed a while ago. Searching for it with your hands, you grabbed it from under the covers and lifted the piece of paper up to slowly open it.  
  
You should have known back then that there was something wrong with that paper.   
  
It wasn't there when you left the room, and sure your parents would sent you some letters every now and then, but they wouldn't have done it this early in the day and they were usually in envelopes, not small notes such as these. Erian and Ysavelle could have told you anything they wanted to instead of relying on written messages. Devan was out of the question and it most definitely wouldn't have come from anyone in the 104th.  
  
Of course, you were a little sleepy that time, so that information slipped through your mind as you laid back down on the bed with the paper in hand.  
  
You just wanted to read it to get it over with and get some sleep because you'll need it.  
  
Your eyes scanned the now unfolded paper, squinting ever so slightly to read it clearly in the dark.  
  
If you were sleepy just a second ago, then you certainly didn't think so because you were wide awake now as you sat up abruptly and threw the letter off like it was the most disgusting thing you've ever come into contact with in your life. Your hands absentmindedly started rubbing themselves together as you bent your knees and settled on the corner of the bed, your thoughts desperately wishing that this was nothing but a nightmare.  
  
Yes, this was just a terrible nightmare wasn't it?  
  
But then your eyes were glued to the innocent piece of paper now on the floor. It's very existence telling you that it was a nightmare, but one that was real and not something from your messed up dreams.  
  
You wanted it out of your sight but you couldn't bring yourself to stand up and chuck it out the window as fast as you could.  
  
The sun was finally peeking through the fields, something that used to calm you down whenever you got to see it, but you were far too gone in your thoughts right now to even care. Your mind was still struggling to erase whatever you just read but it was too late.  
  
You didn't know if it was a prank, but if it was, then the person who sent it better say their prayers before you take out your blades and hunt them down. This wasn't funny at all. No, this was the most sick joke you've ever had your entire life.  
  
It was a fairly simple letter that was composed of nothing but a single sentence that was placed perfectly in the center.  
  
That simple sentence that you found completely repulsive despite the beautiful cursive it was written in.  
  
**_'Do you want to play a game?'_**  



	9. He's Looking For You

“Ysa, take the one on the left, Erian, the four on the back. Dev, there’s two 5 meter classes on the front. I’ll take ones below!

“Whatever you say (F/n)!” Erian squealed as she did a swift turn, her gear was making zipping noises as she drew her blades out with a huge grin on her face. Without a second to spare, she had swooped down to slice the napes of some makeshift titans before landing on the ground gracefully and raising a thumbs up to you.  
   
Devan gave a grunt in response as he proceeded to do his task and Ysavelle was able to quickly take out the one to her left with a perfect slice then landing on a branch to give her comrades a warm smile. Seeing that they weren't having any troubles, a smile had made its way onto your face as you retracted your wires from the trunk of a tree and proceeded to fall at a threatening speed.  
   
Before hitting the ground however, you shot your wire up your target’s head and quickly took it out with its companion before propelling yourself to a high branch, scanning the area for some more wooden beings as you hid your blades in favor of taking a few (h/c) strands from your face.  
   
You were breathing a little too hard for your own good, a look of determination and purpose was displayed in your (e/c) pools as your heart pounded in your chest like a hammer. It was just an exercise but you couldn't bring yourself to do it with anything short of your hundred percent best.  
   
You thought you saw another titan in the distance and was about to veer off in that direction when an all too familiar voice had cut through your concentration and the branch you were standing at was sliced with such precision. You could hear Erian shouting and possibly she was trying to catch you but you knew she wouldn't make it.  
   
Drawing your blades out as fast as you could, you shot your wire to a nearby trunk and stabbed the blade deep into the bark to keep you steady. 

A scowl was now on your face as you felt a slight pain in your wrist. You were about a couple meters up the ground now, sweat dropping from your chin as you let out a hitched breath. The branch nearest to you had bent down a little as Devan steered himself your direction to ask you if you were fine and you just nodded in between pants.  
   
"Squad 6."   
   
You looked up to see the stoic face of your instructor peering down on you.  
   
"Return to base."  
   
The man was concise in his words and before you could even give a salute or a 'yes, sir!' he was already a good distance away from your group, his visage disappearing into the mixture of greens and yellows sprawled across the early afternoon scenery.  
   
A little after he was completely out of your line of sight, you gave a sigh as you retracted your blade from the tree and landed on the ground with a grunt of pain from the impact, eyes meeting the stares of a worried hazel and gray-blue as Devan dropped beside you.  
   
"Let's go." You managed to say, turning to the direction of the training grounds. "I think I sprained my wrist or something."

"I have a bandage if you want." Ysavelle quickly offers, drawing out a bundle of white fabric. 

How she could even bring that or where she got it was a mystery to you but you sat on the ground anyway as the raven knelt beside you and held your hand up to rest it on her lap. You winced when Ysavelle wrapped the bandage a little too tight for comfort, but you had no strength to complain so you just distracted yourself by taking in your surroundings. 

It was without a doubt that the forest at ground level was a really nice thing, but being up in the air was simply remarkable wherever you are. Your vision was then clouded by a tuft of auburn as Erian sat beside you and stretched her legs, a satisfied hum escaped her lips as she leaned on you and stared up at sky covered in leaves of varying shapes and hues.

"Was that really necessary?" Erian said after a moment of silence.

"This is an evaluation exam." Devan bluntly says.

"No. I meant killing (F/n)."

"I didn't know I was dead right now." You interrupted with a grimace on your features as Ysavelle let a string of apologies escape her mouth.

It hasn't really occurred to you that Shadis was trying to end you back there. Quite possibly, the instructor was trying to test something like reflexes or quick thinking or whatever you could test in a situation where the door to death is but a foot away. It was comparatively mild compared to a certain near death situation that you've experienced before, the mere thought bringing a small scowl to your face as you remembered a small scrap of paper you got a short while back.

"That was still too much!" Erian says, successfully bringing you out of your thoughts. "I mean, graduation is in a week. I get that we have these hardass exams everyday now but what if (F/n) got injured before then?"

"Erian." You said sternly, your eyes never leaving your injured hand as Ysavelle was finally clipping the bandage to place with a safety pin. "Did you study for the written examinations yet?"

"You're trying to cha—"

"Did you?"

You saw Erian's face turn into one of annoyance as you examined Ysavelle's work on your wrist. The said raven had a proud smile on her face as she reached her hand out to help you up. Erian has been awfully quiet for a while now and you turned to face her with a knowing look, feet tapping the ground while waiting for an answer.  
   
"Well no... but you guys haven't even opened your books yet either!" The auburn finally says.

"What makes you think we haven't?" Devan had a smirk on his face as he crossed his arms. "I was done reading the day they gave the books out."

"I finished yesterday." Ysavelle said. "(F/n), you finished yours a week ago right?"

"Yeah."

Erian looked at her friend's faces with complete disbelief, a scowl tugging on her own as you took her arm and brought her up. "We're doing a crash course today." You said with a sigh as you dragged her out of the woods and into the hot barren field of the training grounds before going inside the building for a late lunch.

There were a couple trainees already lounging around by the time you got to the mess hall, others having friendly chit chat about the still ongoing evaluation of other groups while stuffing their faces with bread. Most of the trainees however, swapped lunch hour with frantically skimming through the same books you were talking about earlier, a distraught expression on their faces as they tried to absorb whatever they could.

It didn't really come as a surprise to you that you had written examinations or classrooms even. It was natural that military training didn't just focus on physical ability (though it is undeniably a great factor of it), besides, if you didn't attend lectures on the first weeks of training, you wouldn't really know where to slice a titan in order to effectively slay it. 

People in Sina weren't very well educated in matters like these, they were much more concerned with dainty parties and praising some coward leader they label the king.

There was quite a lot of things that intrigued you in the academic parts of training, like how formations seemed really vital in an expedition outside the walls or flare systems or how there were priorities that you had to take into consideration when you venture in titan territory like protecting supplies and cargo. In every expedition however, the biggest priority that stands was the protection of a certain teal eyed friend.

Of course being the stubborn person that you are, you had long since considered the option of going against orders to protect your friends or even people you don't know. 

It would honestly break you if you lost them. 

Sure, it wasn't a lie that you have been broken a long time ago, but at least you're trying to slowly fix up those little cracks in your system. You couldn't have done it alone though, and family wasn't necessarily enough. As much as you hated the thought of dying yourself, you would have rushed to the front lines of a war just to save anyone you could.

No one should have their lives forcibly taken away from them unless they wanted it to be taken.

You just wished you could have saved them, but your little hands couldn't have done anything at the time.

"Okay, so what is the green flare for again?"

"It's for direction." Devan said impatiently, as you finally snapped out of a trance to assess the current situation.

"How about the red?"

"When you spot a titan." Ysavelle quickly chimed in.

Erian still seemed a bit unsure and Devan looked like he was going to break someone's neck any minute now so you patted him on the shoulder to calm him down. On the raven's side, she just looked a little too worried since the test was to be conducted the day after tomorrow and the day after that.

Erian was never really that bookish person like you or Devan were, but that didn't mean she wasn't good academically. It's just that her time management issues were a little all over the place.

Giving a small sigh, you snatched the book Erian was reading and closed it in front of you.

"You only need to look at the key terms." You said with a smile as your friend gave a serious nod. "Red, titan spotted. Black, aberrant spotted. Green, change in formation. Blue, retreat. Purple, an emergency. Yellow, mission terminated." You finished, thinking if you've missed anything.

"If it's yellow then it doesn't necessarily mean that the mission was successful right?" The auburn haired girl said in deep thought to which you gave a nod and slid the book across the table back to her.

"You only have the formations left to study for. The rest would probably be related to what we do when not in the classroom."

"Thanks (F/n)." Erian said as she went back to skimming the leather bound book.

You then stood up from your seat and proceeded to go back to the dorms. Ysavelle wanted to go accompany you but you declined the offer and said you were just going to run to the bathroom real quick. Devan eyed you suspiciously but dropped the matter when you glared at him.

Your boots were lightly tapping the wooden floors as you walked to the dorm rooms with anxiety building up in your system.

When you received that note a little more than a month ago, you were already going through various worst case scenarios your mind could come up with, but fortunately, not another note has shown itself and you could only hope that it stays that way because you are not going to lose anyone anymore to some damn psycho.

You still found yourself going to the girl's dorm rooms though, to see if another note was left behind. You didn't want to receive one but you would rather get it before Erian or Ysavelle were to see it, especially the auburn one because she would probably make a big deal out of it when it could quite possibly be a joke.

With a heavy heart you opened the door to your shared room and took in the surroundings. Nothing seemed amiss, it was perfectly the same as how the girls left it this morning, and you would know because you were actually the last one out to lock it.

Scanning your beddings just in case, a relieved smile forced its way up your lips when there wasn't any note to be seen. Closing your eyes, you just dropped to your bed after kicking your boots off and took one last look at your injured wrist before staring blankly at the wooden bottom of Erian's bunk bed.

Turning to your side, the one that wasn't facing the wall, you noticed a particular set of piercing blue eyes by the doorway, one that you have grown so accustomed to by the many times you have caught them glaring at you.

Today they weren't glaring though, just staring at you, though that was probably due to the fact that she was tired as well because today's evaluation training was on a higher level than your usual. Not to mention it was the Keith Shadis himself who went out to evaluate you guys.

"You seem out of sorts today." She says in monotone, making her way to her bunk bed which was the farthest one from yours, the one on the other end of the room.

It has occurred to you that this was probably the first time she talked to you since you entered the 105th Training Division. You two just didn't seem to be on good terms despite not actually taking the effort to know each other.

"I injured my wrist in the evaluation." Was all you said, completely unsure how to continue the conversation.

A short silence enveloped you two, and you were preparing to sleep the awkward atmosphere away when the girl spoke again, this time what she said was something you never really expected from her.

"I don't particularly hate you or your friends."

"Well if it isn't obvious." You mutter.

"It's a personal matter." She says in response, taking out a bag from under her bed to scour through the contents, pulling out a notebook and a book before closing the bag again. "I just want you to know. I didn't want to graduate knowing I was probably on bad terms with someone."

You couldn't really say anything to her because she was already walking through the door and closing it shut. First it was Shadis, and now her. Why couldn't people just stay still for a moment and listen to you before they go about their business?

Shrugging, you tossed and turned around your bed until you felt comfortable enough to sleep. It never came though, so you settled for just sitting up on your bed with the pillow on your lap, back leaning on the headboard as you pushed your knees up to your chest and rested your head on them. Your injured hand lay limp beside you as the other one settled for taking something out of the covers of your pillow.

A small crumpled piece of a note that you couldn't bear to throw away.

"I don't fucking want to play that game again." You said through gritted teeth, gripping the paper too hard that it might actually break this time.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

You cowered further into the corners of the cage you were trapped in. To be honest, it was a dark place so you didn't really know if it was a cage you were being kept in, but you felt the cold bars on your back and the thin spaces between them that only your arm could pass through so you just took a logical guess.

You don't have any idea how long you were here now. Everyday was just spent trying to stop your crying as children filled up the cage to a point that you could barely move. Occasionally, a small sliver of light would enter the place when someone left the room you were in, but that never lasted enough for you to actually make out anything.

Your head would hurt from time to time from the impact it took a while back and your tears just wouldn't stop falling now despite your desperate attempts to stop them. You were doing comparatively better than the others who were wailing in front of you though, you couldn't really tell in the darkness how many of you were trapped in this predicament, but you knew there were a lot. A lot of children who had nothing in their minds but to escape.

Suddenly, a light switch was flicked open and you could squinted at the bright light that invaded your delicate (e/c) eyes, and when you saw the scene before you, you just wished the lights were turned off again.

At least that way you didn't have an image to match the nightmare happening to you.

In the midst of all the crying children and the horrid scenery before you, was a man clad in a black trench coat, dull ochre eyes scanning the people in the cage as he let out a strangled laugh. One that was edged on madness. Walking to the cage, he gripped on the bars, the action causing most of the children to back away from the man as far as their confines could let them.

Looking at him discreetly, you noticed he didn't look that old. You don't know the man and you don't want to know him. A sudden thought invaded your mind as you glanced around the cage for a particular auburn haired girl and beige haired boy. Relief washed over you when you couldn't see anyone that matched the description.

At least you knew they were safe.

"There's a game I want to teach all of you."

All eyes were trained on the mad grin your captor was wearing as he drew out some dull set of blades from an old rustic closet that adorned that rather small room you were cooped up in. The blades were something you've never seen in your life, but you assumed it came from the machine you saw the Military Police wear.

"It's called the game of luck."

Chuckling, he pointed his finger around, a tune playing on his lips as his hand stopped and he opened the cage slightly to drag a child out. The poor thing was bawling his eyes out, screams of hurt and anger and sadness rang through your ears until it stopped abruptly and the room was silenced. The only one breaking it was a soft thud on the ground of whatever house you were in.

You weren't stupid to not know what just happened, but you refused to look up from your knees to confirm why the cries had stopped. The strong stench of iron was enough of a proof to tell you what was happening and you just gagged uncontrollably, bile was rushing up your throat as cries erupted in the room again.

Time had gone by too much that you couldn't even remember what the streets of Stohess looked like by then, you couldn't even remember the faces of your two friends or your parents. You would probably recognize them if you saw them again, but that was if you even managed to get out of this place.

Was anyone even trying to find you?

For as long as you could remember, you just huddled yourself in that corner, silently crying as week after week the cage was emptied of one less person until there was only one left who lady luck had decided to side with.

  
That was of course, until she was called to get out of the cage.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

"So this is running to the bathroom real quick?"

A voice had broken your daze and you looked at the doorway to see your best friends. A groan escaped you as you gestured for them to come over, which you probably didn't need to do since they were planning to come in anyway.

"I just felt sleepy, okay?" You defended.

"You weren't sleeping though." Devan said.

You looked down at your bed sheets as you ran a hand through your hair. You knew your friends were expecting a real reason and they were smart enough to tell whether or not you were telling them a lie, you weren't even a good liar to begin with so you often settled for avoiding matters that you knew you couldn't get out of.

"I'm guessing you already know about 5 years ago." You gave a stern look at Ysavelle who tensed up at your words.

The said raven just looked at you, one that was of pure apology as she held her head down. Seeing this, Erian was about to step in and say something but you already figured just as much so you opened your mouth again to speak before she could.

"I know you told her Erian." You said with a sigh. "And just to say, I'm not mad or anything."

"Why bring this up though?" Devan said, taking a seat on the bed across yours. "You hate the topic."

"I need to tell you guys something." You said with a bitter tone to your words.

"That's a thing of the past." Erian reassured, sensing the atmosphere in the room has gone a little too much in the bad direction than she would have liked.

Your eyes glanced from person to person, trying to comprehend if showing them the note was more beneficial than not. With a sigh you felt for the paper in your palm and took Erian's hand to deposit the small scrap. Before she could look at it though, you looked into her eyes and gave a serious glare.

"Not a word of this to anyone."

Your friends eyed each other and were reluctant but agreed nevertheless.

Taking your hand away from your auburn friend's palm, you just sat there quietly as your friends scanned the paper like it contained a five page speech or something. Their eyes widened in shock as they read the words over and over again, before Devan finally had enough and snatched the paper from Erian's hands to crumple it.

"How long has it been since you got this?" He questioned.

"Not that long."

"This is serious (F/n)." He tried again, this time his tone became a little darker than before.

"When I returned to the dorm room after Sasha and the others left for HQ."

Someone then grabbed the collar of your jacket and you grimaced as you absentmindedly used your injured hand to grab the hand that was would probably tear your jacket apart. Your eyes were matching the glare thrown to you with as much will as you could muster.

"Devan. Stop it." Erian said, forcing the beige haired boy's hands away from you and pushing him back a little.

"(F/n)! Why the fuck didn't you tell us sooner?!" The boy settled for shouting when he knew he wasn't going to get near you without getting blocked by the two other girls in the room.

"Oh, I don't know." You spat back. "Probably because you guys would react this way!"

Erian looked at you with a pained expression that reduced your emerging anger to a small chunk of dislike. Devan had shut himself up and sat back down on Ysavelle's bed, a look of utter disgust was on his features as he stared at the crumpled paper that fell on the ground some time before he nearly strangled you.

"Look, it's not that I don't trust you guys." You said, trying for a more calming approach to the matter. "That was probably a joke someone did to get a laugh seeing I came from Stohess. I didn't want to drag you into this."

"Nobody in the 105th knows what happened to you except for us." Erian said.

"The man's already dead anyway." You said, trying to dismiss the matter quickly.

Devan raised his thumb and index finger to rub the bridge of his nose. Erian bit her bottom lip as the laced her fingers together and Ysavelle settled for looking outside the window for anything that was worth looking at. The room had become so quiet you could even hear the muffled sounds coming from the mess hall and you didn't like it at all.

The silence was then broken as Devan opened his mouth to speak.

"That's what we thought so too."

You let a little laugh escape you as you gripped the covers of your bed to calm you down.

"I've had enough of the jokes Dev." You said, completely ignoring their serious stares. "I know that I'm paranoid and thought I saw him before but I know what I saw. They shot him."

Devan merely just shook his head.

"I didn't tell you because I thought ignorance was the best option, but I didn't fucking think it has escalated to this." Devan began. "(F/n). Missing ads are appearing at Sina as of late. They aren't that obvious because you've changed since childhood but it's about you."

You tensed up, Ysavelle was now rubbing circles on your back and Erian settled for biting her bottom lip some more.

"He's looking for you (F/n)."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✖ A/N: Just one more chapter to go and you're off to graduation! I'll make up for the lack of fluff until then. Hope you enjoy this chapter! (*´・ｖ・)


	10. Evaluations and Handicaps

With a deep sigh, you lazily slid your arms through the sleeves of your military jacket and proceeded to exit the soothing temperature of the girl's bathrooms to expect an auburn friend leaning on the wall a couple inches beside the door of the room you are in right now.  
  
This was the standard after you showed your friends a little note a few days ago.   
  
In light of that event, your best friends made some stupid agreement to accompany you every now and then and you weren't exactly enjoying it. As much as you enjoyed quality time with them, it was irritating because the last time you checked, you were old enough to not have a babysitter.  
  
Turning the knob slowly, the door creaked open and you looked to the side to see Erian deep in thought, a sigh leaving your lips once again as you closed the door and stretched your arm out. With a tap of her shoulder, her face brightened up and she accompanied you to the dorms so you could strap on your gear and wear your mud streaked boots.  
  
"How's the hand?" The girl said when you two turned a corner.  
  
"Looks like I'm doing final evaluation in a handicap." You said with distaste in your tone.  
  
Your friend just looked at you and then averted her gaze to a window as you were passing by. Erian knew that the unpleasant tone you had in your voice wasn't about doing the evaluation with an injury, if anything, a handicap would be the least of your worries. She knew that your sour attitude these days was rooted to something that you explicitly showed dislike for.  
  
"(F/n), if you think about it in our perspective, we're not doing this to piss you off." The auburn quipped.  
  
You settled for another sigh (that would be the 20th one for the past hour) and turned to face Erian, the two of you stopped in front of a door as you pressed the palm of your good hand on it, eliciting a small creak from the hinges as you gave a strong push.  
  
"I know." You simply said, walking over to your 3DMG gear that you placed under your bed. "I get where you're coming from and I'm okay with it, otherwise I would've never agreed in the first place, but being okay with it doesn't necessarily mean I like it."  
  
A small silence had settled in the room, but that was until you cursed yourself and almost dropped your ridiculous belts on the floor. If putting on the damn harness was frustrating with two hands, then two hands with one being injured was just enough for you to take your blades out and cut the belts to tiny microscopic pieces.  
  
A small chuckle erupted in the room and you glared at your friend who had a smug look to her face.  
  
"Are you helping or not?" You grunted.  
  
"Don't mind if I do." Erian said with a bright grin as she closed the door of the room and helped you strap on your gear.  
  
After what seemed like a few minutes, you inspected Erian's work on you. Giving a curt nod as thanks, you then left the room with your friend, meeting up with the other members of the 105th Training Division who were already out in the fields and raring to get the final evaluation done and over with before night fell.  
  
Not much was known about the final evaluation exams. It was always kept confidential and changed every batch. One thing that was largely known about it though, was that it was either going to take a long time to complete or it was going to be short but brutal.  
  
Reaching the noisy training grounds and meeting up with your friends, you then looked down at your hands.   
  
Shadis explained yesterday at dinner that the marks you get from the final evaluation exam would greatly influence the decision of choosing the top 10 for the batch. You were frustrated and handicapped. The pain on your wrist hasn't relented since the day you sprained it and you were getting worried you wouldn't be able to hold your blades right.  
  
If you didn't get to the top 10, then it wouldn't really matter since you were going to choose the Scouting Legion as your faction anyway. Still, it wouldn't hurt to hope right?  
  
Maybe this time you could prove to anyone that you were stronger than they perceived you to be.  
  
"You'll be fine (F/n)!"  
  
A pair of hands lightly held your wrists together and you looked up to see Ysavelle's warm smile, which was a contagious one since you felt the tips of your lips tug a little at the sight of her.  
  
"Yeah. My hand is just broken, that's all." You state sarcastically.  
  
"As if that will be enough to stop you." Devan scoffed.  
  
"Don't worry (F/n)! If you fail, then we'll fail together!"  
  
"T-that doesn't really help Erian." You hear Ysavelle say with a little worry in her tone. Devan then flicked Erian's forehead, earning a little yelp from the female.  
  
"We're going to make it into the top 10!" Erian shouted, earning muffled laughs from the trainees surrounding your small group of four. "If not, then we're still making it to the Scouting Legion together!" The auburn haired girl raised a fist.  
  
Ysavelle giggled as she met Erian's fist with her own. Devan, after a grunt of annoyance had done the same. You didn't really know if Erian's claim would come true because there was the possibility of you guys failing and repeating training or something, but for once you just didn't want to care.   
  
So, with a little laugh you raised your bandaged right hand up in a loose fist to meet theirs, the act making a silent promise between the four of you.  
  
"This is embarrassing." You mutter, earning a scoff from a certain beige haired boy and muffled laughs from the other girls of the group before you four had dropped your hands. It was great timing too because just as you did so, everyone started shuffled about.   
  
Getting into your assigned lines, all trainees of the 105th squad looked like the end of the world was going to befall upon them in the next few minutes. Everyone was doing a crisp salute, eyes boring down to your instructor's as he stood facing all of you, his hands were behind his back like he usually has them and a stoic expression invaded his features.   
  
Shadis was wearing his gear today too, and that could only mean final evaluation was going to be as easy as a walk around a park barefoot with nails strewn across the path.  
  
"Training Division 105th." The man spoke. "Before the final evaluation, I would like to acknowledge you all for making it this far to the last day of training."  
  
A few murmurs emerged from the trainees around you, from the corner of your eye you could see a couple of people smiling. Well, even you had to admit that words of praise from Keith Shadis sounded good and motivating. Unfortunately, you didn't feel like smiling since you still had that little grudge on him for causing you to sprain your wrist.  
  
Giving your full attention back to your instructor, you noticed he had gestured for one of his subordinates to come over, the said soldier carrying a wooden dagger when he came, one that was pretty similar to what you used in hand to hand combat training except it was a smaller version.  
  
You raised your eyebrow at this, a little confused about why you needed your gear when you were dealing with a weapon for short handed attacks.  
  
"For the final evaluation exam." Shadis holds the dagger up. "Your task is to retrieve this in the middle of the forest."  
  
Your instructor tosses the dagger back to his subordinate and resumes his straight-laced position. Sometimes you even wonder if he knows the word smile or even how to do it. But it's not like you should care, what's his business is his and you don't really want to have anything to do with that.  
  
"The amount of the daggers in the forest equal the number of people in your squad. As such, there is no need to go against anyone" Your instructor continues. "Your task is simply to go into the forest, retrieve the dagger and return to base. Of course you will be observed and graded throughout the course."  
  
Shadis stepped aside to let his subordinate continue explaining some more criteria on the exam.  
  
 It turns out that this would be like the usual 3DMG training with fake titans scattered across the forests, except this time, instead of just slicing foam upon foam on wooden boards, you had a little extra goal to achieve.  
  
The subordinate gave a salute back to all of you, then shuffled for a small pouch on his side to retrieve a flare gun.  
  
You could feel the heavy atmosphere surround you as he loaded the gun and propped it up so it faced the sky. Covering his one ear with another hand, a trail of green smoke soon erupted to the skies and a battle cry from your fellow trainees followed as you all rushed to the forest with as much speed as you could muster.  
  
You had no time to look for your friends as you ran like your life depended on it. You knew they would be fine anyway. If truth be told, it was actually you who had the greatest risk of failing.  
  
Reaching the opening of the forest, you did a quick check up of your gear and drew your blades out with a small scowl as you tested your grip on the handles. Pretty soon you had delved into the forest, pure determination showing in your (e/c) eyes as your mind frantically tried to ignore the worsening pain of your wrist.  
  
When you went to visit the medics three days back, you were instructed to have at least two weeks of complete rest.   
  
Well, the heck with that.   
  
"I can do this." You said to yourself as you perched on the branch of a sturdy tree, looking around your surroundings to see a few wooden boards a short distance away.  
  
Shooting your wires, you advanced to your target's spots and quickly had your blades cut deep into foam. Using the wooden board as leverage, you kicked yourself away from it to shoot your wire up another tree, a little smile adorning your features as you noticed your cut wasn't as bad as you had expected it to be.  
  
You didn't stay in the scene any longer though, you still just weren't used to the whole cut-the-nape kind of thing. Actually, cutting anything that resembled flesh greatly appalled you. If not for your will to help humanity win this long standing war with the titans, then you probably wouldn't have thought of going to training anyway.  
  
By now you have been in the forest for what seemed like 10 minutes, and you were pretty sure you won't be getting to the center of it until half an hour later. It was a pretty vast, that much could be concluded from how you haven't met a single trainee in your division since you entered the woods, not to mention the place was packed with trees that looked like they've been here for centuries.  
  
Spotting another 'titan' you performed a quick slice before going back on course. It was worrying you that with every slice you took, your injured wrist was sending you a stinging pain.  
  
A few moments later, a small glint on the ground had caught your attention.  
  
"What the...?"  
  
Thinking for a little bit, you went a little farther down the forest and shot your wire to a nearby tree to scan the ground below.  
  
There were the usual vines growing across the ground, a couple shrubs here and there and some wild flowers. Nothing was out of the ordinary, well at least in this distance everything seemed normal. You couldn't tell much because you were high up from the ground.  
  
A sudden rustling sound had caught your attention then and some muffled words were heard.  
  
Aiming for the lowest branch of the tree you were on, you sheathed your blades as you carefully climbed down the tree, of course even with being careful, little slip ups are bound to happen as you lost footing and slipped. In a panic you grasped a nearby branch and hissed as you hit your injured hand on the trunk, you bit your bottom lip as you steadied yourself again.  
  
From the nearby bushes, you heard a rustling sound again but this time a girl had appeared into view. Her eyes were trained on soil as she ran through the forest grounds, a look of irritation was painted on her face and she glared at nothing in particular.  
  
"Aria!" you called.  
  
The girl who was running had stilled in her tracks and looked up.  
  
"What's wrong?" You asked, dropping yourself to the ground as you walked towards her.  
  
The girl just bit her lip but turned back around, a click of her tongue was heard as she grabbed your wrist and and you ran through the thick shrubbery. You had no idea what was going on but whatever it is, you would have appreciated it if the hand she was grabbing was not the one where your injury was at.  
  
"What the fuck were you doing?" She questioned you. "It's dangerous on the grounds!"  
  
"Then mind telling me why you're here?" You spat back, rubbing your wrist to comfort it.  
  
"Shit gear broke." The blue eyed girl hissed, giving you a demonstration by gripping the handles on her hands but no wires were being shot out.  
  
"How long have you been down?"  
  
"A little ways back." She answered. "Anyway, the middle of the forest should be pretty near, hurry up and go." She ordered, giving you a stern glare.  
  
"I can't just leave a comrade around." You stated.  
  
The girl simply scoffed as she crossed her arms. "Listen here, (F/n). I said I didn't want to graduate being on bad terms with someone. It doesn't make us friends."  
  
"I said comrade. Not friend." You cleared out, copying her stance. "There's a distinction."  
  
Aria Ruthe was one of the best trainees in your training squad, that icy-blue eyed female that used to glare at you all the time. You weren't really close to each other and now fate has probably decided that you two needed some quality time together in the middle of the forest where wild animals lurk about.  
  
You took her hand and pulled her closer.  
  
"What are you doing?" The girl hissed, pulling her hand away from you as she stared you down.  
  
"Like I said. I'm not leaving a comrade behind." You said with a tone of irritation. "Either we get the stupid dagger and go back to base or I drag your ass back there right now."  
  
The girl was about to say something in return when the rustling of bushes was heard and judging from Aria's expression, that wasn't a good thing. You decided that going up was a good option of escape but as you squeezed the grip of your handles, your injured hand decided to act up.  
  
You jerked your right hand away from whatever it was holding. Something then dropped to the lush grass of the forest with a soft thud and you felt as if someone was literally chopping your hand off.  
  
"I am tired of this shit." You spat, ignoring the pain your wrist was falling as you picked up the handle and inserted your blades back on.  
  
"Are you stupid?" Aria said, holding your arm. "You can't fight that beast in hand to hand!"  
  
"Would you just shut up for once?" You said, taking your arm away from her, but before you could even fully take it out, you were tackled to the ground by something that was obviously not human.  
  
"(F/n)!" You heard Aria shout.  
  
"Don't draw it's attention you idiot! Just shut up!" You shouted as loud as you could.  
  
Getting a closer look at the monstrosity that was pinning you down, you stared at eyes that mirrored the midnight sky. It was a fucking bear that looked like it was ready to feast, and just to clear things up, you were sure you weren't going to be the one on a platter after this.  
  
A little bit of the beast's drool was spilling on your cheek and you resisted the urge to show weakness as you felt it's sharp claws dig deep into your arm. A few drops of tears had fallen from your (e/c) pools though, as the thing was applying much unneeded pressure to a hand that was already hurting.  
  
"Just so you know, I don't plan on dying today." You said through gritted teeth as you used your good hand to push the beast's face away.  
  
And then the stupid thing decided to bite your only good hand.  
  
A yelp of pain forced its way up your throat as you moved your other unoccupied arm out of the bear's hold and elbowed the animal by the shoulder blade. When he moved a little, you found enough space to bring your legs up to kick the animal away.  
  
When you were free from your confines, you scrambled to pick up your blade from the ground and you stabbed the animal on the leg, earning you a growl as the bear flailed clawed paw around.  
  
Without even a moment to spare, you released the blade from the handle, leaving it wedged deep into the leg of the animal. Normally you would have pitied the thing, but it just tried to bite your hand off, and not only did you have an injured wrist, you now had a deep wound on your shoulder and another hand that was bleeding profusely.  
  
You turned around swiftly, knowing the animal wasn't done with you yet, and then you grabbed Aria by the sleeve of her jacket to pull her close to you before shooting your wires up and advancing into the forest as droplets of blood trailed behind you.  
  
No words were exchanged between the two of you as you sped through the greenery.  
  
Sharing one gear was definitely a difficult task since your level of movement was limited. You were pretty concerned about the gas too so you had to settle for staying relatively close to the ground, but high enough that you were positive no one on the ground was going to be able to reach you.  
  
Reaching a small clearing, you saw a small pile of daggers atop a flat rock surface.  
  
A small tint of irritation was shown in your eyes as you confirmed that quite a number of daggers had been taken away from the pile already. So much for making the top 10. You got side tracked for longer than you would have liked.  
  
But well, it's not like there was anything you could have done about it.  
  
Picking two wooden weapons up from the pile, you tossed one to the girl behind you as you did a little check up on your gear.  
  
Your 3DMG gear had a couple of dents now, which annoyed you because you took great lengths to not even get a scratch on it. What mattered most at the moment was that it was working so you saved the complaining for later as you walked over to a certain light blond haired girl who was looking at the small pool of blood that was starting to accumulate on the ground next to your feet.  
  
"Let's go." You gestured a bloody hand to her.  
  
"Sorry... I..." The girl began, once fiery eyes looked like they were tamed.  
  
"I brought myself into this." You said with a sigh. "And I do not regret anything." You added. "Now hurry up so I can drag ourselves back to base and get some help. You were attacked too weren't you? There's a gash on your leg."  
  
The girl took your hand slowly and she wrapped her arms around your waist. You still weren't used to being all touchy with someone but between your personal preferences and your survival, then the latter one would definitely be your priority right now.  
  
Zipping through the forest and taking occasional breaks, you have come to get comfortable enough with your companion enough to strike small conversations along the trip back to the training grounds. It was dry and rather short, but they were conversations nonetheless and it was still better than the silence that you two normally had.  
  
"You think your friends made it?" The girl said once as you took a break atop a thick low branch of a tree.  
  
"They would've finished a long time ago." You said, examining the deep teeth marks on your hand.  
  
"You think we'll make it then?" The girl rephrases her question.  
  
You looked up from your hands to meet her gaze. The blond girl was sitting on the branch, legs dangling from one side as you settled for leaning on the trunk of the tree for support, your hands were laying limp by your sides because you couldn't even cross your arms without crying in pain right now.   
  
"I'll die trying." You said.  
  
A small silence washed up on you two as you allowed the rustling of the leaves to calm you down. You were feeling a little light headed now and you didn't need to look into the mirror to know your (s/c) skin had turned a shade pale. Aria wasn't doing as well either. The gash on her leg was a short one but proved to run deep.  
  
Deciding you've had enough time to catch your breath, you ran a shaky hand through your (h/c) locks to calm your nerves down one last time.  
  
"It's getting late." Aria spoke up, standing from her sitting position and taking the hand that you offered her. "Let's go?"  
  
You just gave a nod as words were failing you now.  
  
You were pretty good at knowing your limits and you were pretty sure that any moment now you were going to crash. Your body was aching all over, some parts feeling like they were better cut off than being there. Breathing was becoming an arduous task as well and having extra weights only made the situation harder for you.  
  
"Aria." You said in ragged breaths. "I'm going to crash soon." You warned.  
  
"About time." The girl merely said in monotone.  
  
"That was encouraging, thanks." You rolled your eyes as you shot your wire into another tree.  
  
"Your endurance is inhumane." The blond girl states.  
  
"You're not doing bad yourself." You retort back.  
  
By now you have noticed that the trees were becoming scarce, making it hard for you to find somewhere your gear could hook up to. The dirt tracks had appeared again a little while back and you gave a sigh of relief when they first came into view because if you do crash, then the least Aria could do is drag you back to base by following the path.  
  
You soon saw the familiar dry soil of the training grounds, and you could make out figures of other trainees in the far off distance.  
  
As you advanced yourself forward with the help of another tree, your thoughts then wandered to how your best friends would react to seeing you return like this. It wasn't going to be good one, that much was obvious. But you were just glad you're back.  
  
You were pretty sure you just blew up your chance of getting it into the top 10 but all those things didn't matter right now.  
  
Dropping to the ground, you set Aria on her feet.  
  
"Does this mean we passed?" The girl spoke.  
  
"I'm just relieved we made it." You muttered.  
  
Helping steady each other, you and Aria then walked out of what was left of the forest and awkwardly limped back to the cluttered mess of trainees on the fields. As you came into view however, their happy chattering was brought to a halt as they stared at the battered figures of people who were largely known as one of the bests in the 105th.  
  
You saw a couple of Shadis' subordinates make their way to you, a look of horror on their faces.  
  
But those looks on your superior's faces cannot even begin to compare to what a small group of three had.  
  
Aria let go of you in a short while to catch up with her friends as you did the same.  
  
Meeting the stares of auburn, beige and raven, you forced a smile to come out of your lips, the mere act proving quite a struggle as you could barely keep your eyes open.  
  
"Hey." You said with a faint wave of your hand.  
  
And that was the last thing you ever remember saying before blotches of black clouded your vision and you felt yourself falling forward.  
  
Today was quite the hassle, but you managed to get through it. Quite possibly, you were able to get a new friend or acquaintance today as well. People were going to question you later on about today's events but right now you just wanted to sleep and no one was going to take that away from you.  
  
Final evaluation was done and that was all that mattered.  
  
Now all you had to do was wait for graduation. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy you guys gave this story a change, thank you!


	11. Graduating From The 105th

It was fairly silent in the Survey Corps HQ when a certain brunette's boots drummed loudly through the cold stone floors.  
  
The normally occupied hallways were deserted, but taking into consideration that it was about 3 in the morning, that wasn't a surprise at all. There would probably be a few people up, maybe those in charge of breakfast or a certain little captain that was a little too addicted to cleaning, but the majority would be fast asleep in the comforts of their beds.  
  
Taking a swift turn and clutching a small stack of papers close to her, the woman skidded to a stop in front of a wooden door. Her breathing was shallow and came out in pants, but she was too excited to take a stop and catch her breath.  
  
Lifting a fist up, the brunette proceeded to knock the door but curiosity has overridden her so she just pushed the door wide open.  
  
"Erwin!" She said in a near squeal as she invited herself to the room and closed the door.  
  
The person she was referring to was a well built man sitting on the only desk located near the corner of the room. He had blond hair that was neat and tidy at the top and the bottom was fashioned in an undercut like he always kept it. Blue eyes met those of russet hues and he offered a small smile.  
  
It was without a doubt that he was startled by the sudden interruption, but after seeing the woman who was standing by the doorway, he knew that this was to be expected.  
  
"Hanji." The man simply says, taking his hands away from the paperwork he was doing to lace them together atop his cluttered desk.  
  
"Did they make it?!" The woman said excitedly as she hurried over to the desk. "The results are out right?!"  
  
Erwin just gave a short nod that served as a response to all the brunette's questions. He chuckled at the woman's enthusiasm despite the bags that were forming under her eyes. Gesturing her to come a little closer, he then shuffled through his desk to find a folder that contained no less than five pages of printed paper.  
  
"There are some concerns regarding 'her' final evaluation exam though." The blond said.  
  
"What happened?" Hanji's eyes lost a little bit of the sparkle it contained as she furrowed her eyebrows.  
  
The two were under Shadis' command once and needless to say, they knew that training never came easy in front of the guy.  
  
"The reports are vague." Erwin muttered, giving a sigh as he passed the folder to the eager hands of his companion to let her have a look for herself. "It seems that a fellow trainee's gear malfunctioned and she probably decided to help. That is the only thing I can take out from what's written there."  
  
Brown eyes scanned through the papers in her hands, a little hum coming from her as she flipped through the pages. It seems that compared to the previous training divisions, this year had fewer dropouts. Looking through the list of names, the brunette noticed a familiar three that brought a smile to her face.  
  
"How many do you think we can get this year?" Hanji said as she set the folder down.  
  
"That number is always uncertain."  
  
"Maybe if you tweaked your speech a little..." The brunette suggested, giving out a small laugh. Erwin's straight forward speech a year ago practically wasn't the best recruiting material, if anything, it was a good repellent.  
  
"I can't do anything about that." The blond man just gives a sigh and stands up from his desk as the brunette who was leaning on it had straightened up as well.  
  
Neither of the two had enough rest the day before and today wouldn't be any different. Officials from all military factions, and some members of the jury had gathered in Stohess a few weeks back to re-assess the situation that the military was in. Aside from the blatant reason that the factions were short on numbers, some people were complaining about the work load befalling those on the higher ranks.  
  
As such, aside from the new recruits' training being cut by a third of how long it usually was, it was decided that after the graduation of the 105th Training Division later in the day, the poor kids would be sent directly to their preferred factions (of course those who desired to enter the Military Police still needed to be in the top 10).  
  
Point of the matter is, because of the blows humanity had received lately, everything was rushed to the point that questions were being raised from the public that the new recruits would be unprepared for a real battle.  
  
"We leave in 4 hours." Erwin then spoke, cutting Hanji's line of thought. "Try getting some rest."  
  
With a salute the brunette exists the room to return to her office.  
  
Today was certainly going to be a long day.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Light flooded through the windows as your eyes stared at the ceiling of a room that you knew was not the dorms despite knowing that you were on a bed.  
  
You were probably in the medical wing of the training facility or something. It was the only logical explanation you could think of right now, and for the record, you couldn't really think straight because all you could focus on was the sharp pain on your shoulder and your slightly aching legs.  
  
Moving your hands a bit, you touched something.  
  
Startled by the sudden sensation, you jerked you hand away and sat up slowly, finally averting your eyes from the ceiling to find a raven haired girl sleeping near to you. Her body was crouched from the wooden chair she was sitting in, arms resting on the side of the bed you were on and her head lay relaxed on them.  
  
Scanning the room, you saw that aside from Ysavelle, Erian and Devan were in the room too, sitting on chairs along the wall near the sleeping raven haired girl and both were sleeping as soundly as the other, their soft breathing relaxing you as you propped yourself up on the bed and scooted farther to where the headboard should have been but your back was met with the cold wall.  
  
It soothed you though, so you didn't mind.  
  
"Feeling better?" A voice said from the dim part of the room.  
  
Looking at that direction, you were met with a woman clad in a long brown skirt and a lighter color button up worn under a black loose fitting cardigan. She was carrying a small tray on her hands as she walked towards you, a bright smile of her face as she set the tray down on an empty bed.  
  
You thought about feigning sleep but you concluded the woman wouldn't harm you so you gave a nod.  
  
"That was one big shock you gave everyone out there." The woman chuckled as she blew the fire from a lamp out and dusted some dirt off her hands. Pulling out the handle of a drawer, she started rummaging through the furniture to bring out a bundle of something white, a bottle of clear liquid and some medical instruments.  
  
"Let's change your bandages." She said with a smile, gesturing for you to come by the bedside.  
  
The bed creaked under your weight as you moved to sit beside Ysavelle's sleeping form. You sat with your legs dangling on the edge of the bed as the medical aid took a chair from the corner of the room and set it quietly in front of you. Rolling her sleeves up to her elbows, she gently took a hand of yours and set it on her lap.  
  
"This is going to take about a month to heal." The woman speaks up, the both of you were now looking at your swollen wrist. "I suggest you follow orders this time." She winked at you.  
  
"Yeah, sorry." You muttered.  
  
Not knowing what else to say, you looked at your lap, taking in the sight of your mud-streaked trousers. Now that your head wasn't all muddled up, you realized you were still wearing your uniform, except someone took your harness away and set it with your gear on top of an old wooden table at the corner of the room.  
  
"You really want to fight for humanity don't you?" The medic quipped with a smile as she fetched for a scissor and cut the bandage to clip it in place.  
  
You stared at her dark amber eyes that were now focused on dressing the bite marks on your left hand. Every now and then her eyes would flutter from your palm to the small silver tray she had at an arm's reach. A frown was visible on her features as she imagined how much painful such a deep wound could be.  
  
Sensing the drastic change in the atmosphere, you were about to speak up when someone beat you to the chase.  
  
"(F/n)...?" A weak voice said from the side.  
  
Looking at the direction of the sound, you saw Erian rubbing her eyes as she gave a small yawn. Hazel eyes then met your figure and you couldn't tell if she was going to kill you or if she was going to smother you with a hug.  
  
"You okay?" She said, nudging the boy at her side who stirred in his sleep.  
  
"I almost got mauled by a bear." You state, returning your gaze to the woman dressing your wounds. You jerked your hand away when some cool liquid was poured on your wound, but the medic was surprisingly strong as she held your hand in place.  
  
"It'll be over in a little bit." The woman reassured you as she applied some other ointment that felt like someone was putting salt on the open wound. You hissed in pain and settled for biting your bottom lip hard to calm yourself. "Yep, almost done."  
  
Erian was still nudging Devan awake, the said boy waking up and glaring at the auburn girl, except when Erian had gestured to you, Devan's glare had shifted to a new target and the anger that showed in those brown eyes might have just increased tenfold. Seeing that her friend was now awake, Erian proceeded to lightly shake Ysavelle up, the raven abruptly raising her head at the third shake.  
  
All three pairs of your friends eyes were now looking at you with different levels of uncomfortable intensity and as if the awkward atmosphere wasn't enough, the medical aid had finished her task of patching you up and had excused herself from the room to report about you waking up.  
  
It has been silent for a while now.  
  
"Are you guys just going to stare or are you going to ask me things?" You then said, finally having enough of the stuffy atmosphere.  
  
"What more can we ask?" Ysavelle said. "Aria had already provided a report and some soldiers went into the forest for an investigation as soon as you were rushed here. You've been sleeping since then."  
  
"How... long was I out?" You mutter.  
  
"Well, if it answers the question." Devan said, standing from the chair and stretching. "Graduation should start in 3 hours."  
  
You gave a groan as you plopped back on the bed, your arms lay splayed out beside you as your legs still dangled from the bedside. Were you even allowed to attend? For all you know, you might have been taken out from the squad and placed for training again next year on the 106th.  
  
"Come on (F/n)." Erian said, wary of your injuries and tugging you up by a safe and pain-free part of your arm. "We're getting breakfast."  
  
"Isn't graduation late in the afternoon though?" You questioned. "If it's in three hours then it isn't breakfast anymore."  
  
"Then we're getting lunch." The auburn girl replied as she dragged you out of the room, your two other friends were following suit as they talked about the training that took place the day before.  
  
When you reached the mess hall, you were a little worried to enter since your fellow trainees saw you as a strong and determined member of the 105th, and now they were going to see you all covered up in bandages and bruises that were painting cluttered hues of black and blue across your (s/c) skin.  
  
With a sigh, you followed Devan into the dining area and sat down on the bench of an unoccupied table as your friends got their trays of food. Erian had to do a double trip to the kitchen to get your tray because she didn't want to worsen the pain your hands were feeling.  
  
You could feel the stares of curiosity and worry from a couple pairs of eyes every now and then since you sat yourself down. No one came over to where you were sitting at though, so you relished in the silence and said a silent thank you to your comrades who respected your personal space.  
  
"You think we made it to top 10?" Erian said as a conversation starter when she was halfway through her bread.  
  
"You three most likely." You smiled at them.  
  
"Stop being humble, it doesn't suit you." Devan remarked.  
  
"I was stating the truth idiot." You spat back, taking a quick gulp of your water as you tore another piece of your bread to stuff it in your mouth. "I bet I just blew my chance yesterday."  
  
"You passed though." Ysavelle said thoughtfully.  
  
You gave a nod and dismissed the matter just like that. You knew you were being difficult right now and you felt bad about it but that was to be expected since you did practically get more than you bargained for with yesterday's exam.   
  
You felt drained despite getting more than a full night's sleep. Somewhere along your train of thoughts, you wondered about how Aria was doing. She wasn't in the mess hall right now but she was always quick with her food, so you figured she was back at the dorms.  
  
The rest of the meal was spent with you silently eating and passing the time by listening to Ysavelle, Erian and Devan's chattering.  
  
Your friends seemed to never run out of topics to talk about. Most of the things they conversed on weren't related to training at all. A little bit into the discussion, Erian was telling Ysavelle about stores in Sina and then from there the conversation led to talking about the 104th squad.  
  
"(F/n)? Who do you think is the cutest in the 104th?" Ysavelle suddenly asked, the question came so randomly that you almost choked on the water you were chugging down.  
  
"Krista." You simply said.  
  
"No! Not that. We meant a boy!" Erian said.  
  
You looked over to Devan who had his arms crossed and the do-not-drag-me-into-this look that left you to your own devices.  
  
"I don't want to talk about it." You said, the words going out of your mouth faster than you anticipated it to be. "They look the same to me."  
  
Well that was probably the most obvious lie you've ever told anyone in your short life. Thinking about the 104th was definitely giving you a headache. You liked how everyone treated you as if you were of an equal status as them, despite the obvious reason that you were inferior to them in more ways than one.  
  
The girls were fun to talk to and relaxing to be with, the boys on the other hand seemed a little awkward around you but you enjoyed their company nevertheless.  
  
A blush had slowly taken over your face as you banged your forehead on the table, earning a smirk to grace Erian's features as she rested her head on a propped up arm.  
  
"Do you like anyone in the 104th (F/n)?" Erian said, earning an amused stare from Devan and a small squeal from Ysavelle.  
  
"I don't speak your language." Your muffled voice said.  
  
"I hit bullseye didn't I?"  
  
"Shut. Up."  
  
You were probably as red as a tomato by now, you were sure of it. You weren't sure about how you felt for anyone in the 104th boys yet. Maybe you needed some time to think things through.  
  
_'Wait. What are you even thinking (F/n)?!'_ You scolded yourself.  
  
Your only priority right now is to help humanity stand as the victors against the titans. Liking someone was prohibited. Yep, not gonna happen. Besides, none of the boys of the 104th would like you in that context anyway right?  
  
The door of the mess hall opening had interrupted your inner turmoil and you raised your head up, looking at a fellow comrade who looked like he had been running a couple laps around base. The said boy never said anything, but everyone seemed to know what he was going to say as you all stood up quietly, eyes showing a brevity of emotions as the trainees of the 105th proceeded to go out of the mess hall.  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
A small stage was set up in front of you, as the trainees were standing in clusters on the ground.  
  
It was very disorganized if this was going to be a graduation event of some sort, but you've never been to one anyway so you wouldn't really know. You did enjoy the fact that the venue of the ceremony was behind the buildings of the training grounds. At least this time around, you wouldn't have to have a staring contest with the sun.  
  
A loud clearing of the throat was heard, and you saw Shadis standing on the stage, looking at all of you and not even minding the mess of people on the foot of the stage.  
  
"Training Division 105th." Shadis spoke, finally gaining the attention of the two hundred forty seven trainees that made up your training squad. "Before the commencement of the ceremony, there is an announcement for all of you."  
  
Shadis stepped to the side as a man took the front stage. You've never seen the guy before, but judging by the way he held himself and the military uniform that matched it, you could make a wild guess that he had as much authority as Shadis had or maybe even greater.  
  
"As you are all aware of the devastating blow humanity has received from the capture of the Female Titan." The man began. "The military are in need of forces. As such, the authorities of Sina, along with the respective commanders of each military faction, decided that shortly after your graduation ceremony ends, you will be joining your desired factions."  
  
Some muffled complaints resounded all around you about how they still don't know where to go and were hoping to use that one week off you were supposed to have to make a final decision. Well in your case, you were clear about the faction you wanted to join from the very start so there wasn't any need for time to decide.  
  
Still, if you all had to go right away, it would leave a bad taste in your mouth to not say a proper goodbye to the people who've made training bearable for you.  
  
"You have three choices regarding the matter." The voice continued. "As a member of the Garrison, you will be tasked to protect and maintain order near the walls that have kept humanity's extinction at bay! As a member of the Scouting Legion, you will put your lives on the line and fight for humanity! And as a member of the Military Police Brigade you can serve the king and maintain order and peace within the walls, though of course, only the top ten alumni of the batch will be eligible to apply."  
  
Finishing his speech, the man turns around and leaves the stage, allowing Shadis to step back to the middle of the stage, his intimidating eyes taking in the mess of trainees around him that stared back at him with mixed emotions.  
  
Without warning he spoke again, and that caused the bubbling in your stomach to go to a full raging storm.  
  
**"10. Fleur Cosette."**  
  
You all knew what was happening now and trainees had stilled as a platinum blond haired girl made her way up to the stage. You've talked on a few occasions and she was a sweet girl, right now however, her visage was enveloped in a serious aura as she stood near the corner and faced Shadis, back proudly displayed to you all as she offered up a salute and stayed in that position.  
  
**"9. Seth Hurst."**  
  
You were in a state of selective hearing right now, missing numbers and ignoring some. You were scared for something you couldn't describe.  
  
**"8. Erian Castell."**  
  
Your eyes widened and you squeezed your best friend's hand quickly as the auburn haired started to make her way up the stage.  
  
**"7. Ysavelle Faust."**  
  
You gave a nod to the raven and ushered her forward since she was just standing there for a few seconds, not sure if she was dreaming.  
  
**"6. Gareth Paige."  
  
"5. Aiden Zachary."**  
  
Your stomach began to twist as you heard the names of your friends and they proceeded to stand up on stage. It would be wishful thinking, but would your name get in the list?  
  
**"4. Aria Ruthe."  
  
"3. Devan Ixtovia."**  
  
You bit your bottom lip as you watched the beige haired boy make his way up to the stage. Before he started walking though, you felt him pat you on the small of your back, not one out of pity but an encouragement. He was telling you to hold on.  
  
But hold on to what?  
  
Between the two of you, it was obvious that Devan was the better one.  
  
**"2. Blanche Eloise."**  
  
You were holding your hands tightly into a fist by now. Yep, you most likely didn't make it. No problem. You were blabbering reassuring nonsense in your mind, but those incoherent sentences came into a sharp halt when something you never expected resonated through the ceremonial grounds.  
  
**"1. (F/n) (L/n)."**  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Going down the stage, you felt your knees buckle up and you stumbled down, thankfully a pair of hands had caught you, but it was from a person that you did expect to see soon, but not today.  
  
A brunette stood you up. Her hair was in a high ponytail and she pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose. A huge grin was plastered on her face as she never let go of your arms. To be honest, she was a little concerned about the bandages around your two hands, but didn't want to bother you about it now.  
  
"(F/n)!" She squealed.  
  
"S-sir Hanji?" You muttered as Erian and Devan stood beside you. Ysavelle stayed near but didn't know who the person was.  
  
"Oho, you two have grown too!" The brunette said to your two childhood friends who had a small smile on their features.  
  
Erian then took Ysavelle by the wrist and dragged her to the front. The raven turned a slight red hue, quite still not used to making new friends but she gave a smile and tried to at least not stutter.  
  
"Hanji, this is Ysavelle!" The auburn haired girl quipped, presenting the raven like a trophy.  
  
"Oh, a new friend?" Hanji said with a wide grin.  
  
"Best friend." You corrected.  
  
At this, Hanji proceeded to squeeze the petite raven girl's cheeks and remarked about how adorable you four were and how happy she was that she was to be able to see you again after a couple years.  
  
Suddenly you felt someone behind you and you turned around, eyes meeting with cold gray ones that seemed to still catch your attention despite the dull color it was.  
  
"Oi, Shitty glasses." The man said in monotone. "Where the fuck is Erwin?"  
  
Hanji stopped her abusing on Ysavelle's cheeks (which the raven haired girl appreciated greatly), and proceeded to playfully slap the arm of the rather intimidating and scary man that stood before you with a stoic expression. "There are kids here Levi." The brunette retorted, most likely commenting of the language of the guy.  
  
One thing that struck you about the man now that you got to observe him more was that he was small, making the tips of your mouth turn up to a smirk.  
  
Unfortunately the man called Levi caught that little action and scoffed.  
  
"Hanji, who're the shitty brats?" He said, that voice never losing the boring tone it has.  
  
"Ooh! They're going to be our new recruits!" The brunette quipped with a bright grin. Going behind you and giving you a little push forward.  
  
You stood there in front of the guy and he just eyed you up and down, taking particular notice of your injured hands that didn't look so good. With a click of his tongue he looked at Hanji who was smiling beside you and he doesn't say anything more as he walks away with clear distaste on his stoic features.  
  
The brunette that stood beside you called out to him and then she said a quick 'see you later!' before running off to the stoic man's direction.  
  
"Stupid toothpick." You said through gritted teeth, causing your friends to let out a stifled laugh.  
**  
**


	12. Not Exactly The Best Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in a while ; w ;)''  
> I'll be updating tomorrow again to make up for the lack of updates!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this!

It was a good few minutes past midnight when the Survey Corps HQ came into view and you weren't exactly in the best of spirits by then for a couple of reasons.  
   
For one, you didn't get to say goodbye to most of the people in your training division. Sure, there were a handful (surprisingly) that decided to join the Scouting Legion, but that doesn't cut it. Two, they could have just let you travel in the morning after a good night’s rest but no, those freaking sadists saddled you all up in your horses and you had to travel with your aching bodies in the darkness.  
   
But the biggest reason for why you were in such a sour mood was probably because of the fact that they (Hanji and your friends) thought you were a freaking glass doll or something.  
   
“What the— Dev! Could you not?!”  
   
You suddenly hissed when the horse you were on stumbled a little and you applied quite a good amount of pressure to both your injured hands when you gripped the animal tightly to steady yourself from falling.  
   
“Could I not what?” The beige haired boy asked.  
   
“Give me the reins!” You hissed, trying to pry your friend's hands from the piece of leather but your shaking hands couldn't really do a good job of it so you just crossed your arms in defeat and gave a click of the tongue. “You know what? Never mind, just drop me off because I can walk from here.”  
   
“I’m just following orders.” Your friend muttered with a smirk to which you gave a deep angry sigh as a response.  
   
Yes, right now you were sharing a horse with Devan much to your utter displeasure.  
   
It’s not like you hated the guy and there definitely wasn't a shortage on horses or anything, in fact there were a couple spares to use but Hanji had somehow acquired your medical reports and insisted you just ride with someone because you’re injured.  
   
And you must know that if the brunette insists something, it simply has to be done.  
   
You got where they were coming from and it wasn't that you were an ungrateful person. But being a burden to others was never a thing you could handle well.  
   
“Alright! We’re here!” You heard someone say in the dim scenery and Devan pulled on the reins slightly to stop the horse from its tracks.  
   
Orders from the veteran members of the Scouting Legion were being spat left and right, wagons and cargo started going to who knows where and then a certain brunette squad leader made her way from the front of the formation to you new recruits. A little ways behind, you could see the seemingly uninterested face of the midget you didn't have a good impression of.  
   
Seriously, what was his problem? It seems like even though he was in the front lines, you could feel his dark aura all the way to the back of the formation.  
   
“Once we drop the horses off on the stables, you kids can go inside and rest up.” You heard Hanji say. “Room assignments will be given tomorrow, but there are plenty of vacant rooms inside the castle so feel free to sleep on any room that’s unoccupied.”  
   
A chorus of replies was then said and before you knew it, you were all heading toward the castle with a satisfied hum playing on your lips as you trudged behind your group of fresh graduates.  
   
Opening the doors and stepping inside, you all stood there like statues. It wasn't that you guys were stoned because it was your first time in a castle, or that the place was notably well kept and clean, the reason for the frozen state is that it just dawned on everyone that from now on this is going to be your reality.  
   
“Tch. Are you shitty brats just going to stand there?”  
   
And just like that the moment of awe and wonder was broken abruptly.  
   
“Aww, come on Levi! Don’t be so hard on them.” A brunette spoke up, pushing her way from behind the stoic man to have a better view of you all. Clasping her hands together, she spoke up again. “There won’t be anything to do tomorrow, so you guys can oversleep.” She winked. “Just don’t sleep around all day, okay?”  
   
Everyone just nodded as a response and then began the game of looking for unoccupied rooms.  
   
When Hanji said there were plenty of vacant rooms in the castle, she wasn't joking at all because it hasn't even been past five minutes of your search when everyone had found a room to sleep in. Of course most of the people decided to sleep in groups so that probably made room searching easier.  
   
The only difference today was that boys could share the rooms with girls now and vice versa. Not that any hands were going to be broken anyway.  
   
So here you were in an old room, sitting on a hard bed and struggling to take off your boots in the dark while Devan brought in some extra pillows and Erian trudged behind him carrying some blankets from the storage room just down the hallway. Pretty soon, a raven haired girl came inside and brought an old lamp, giving the room an orange glow that soothed you.  
   
“I’ll sleep on the floor.” Devan announced as he dropped the pillows on the hard mattress of the bed and went over to close the door of the room.  
   
“Yep, I’m doing the same thing.” Erian chirped as she set the blankets on a chair and stretched. “Ysa, wanna share blankets? I only managed to get three in the storage room.”  
   
The raven haired girl set the lamp on a night stand on the bed and hummed in acceptance as she slipped her arms out of her trainee jacket and went over to check our belongings and gear on one side of the room.  
   
When everyone was free of their stuffy jackets and boots caked in mud and dirt, you helped Ysavelle arrange them neatly on an old wooden desk near a small empty bookshelf.  
   
After you finished folding the last jacket and setting it down on top of another, you looked around the room and realized you kind of missed the cramped up spaces of the dorm rooms. The place looked really lonely, and you hated that feeling.  
   
“I’m sleeping on the floor too.” You declared, going to the bed and bringing your pillow down beside a beige haired boy who lay the closest.  
   
“(F/n).” Erian began, sitting up and sending you a glare.  
   
“Look, the bed is as hard as the floor!” You reasoned out, making a small demonstration of pressing a hand slightly on the mattress.  
   
Your friends didn't look convinced by your proof so you just gave a small sigh and still proceeded to drop the pillow on the floor. Grabbing your blanket, you settled down beside Devan with your back facing all your friends who were having some kind of telepathic meeting on the best way to drag you to bed without getting killed.  
   
“I just felt lonely okay?” You muttered. “If I wake up on that bed tomorrow I swear I am going to flip you guys even if my wrist kills me.”  
   
A small silence enveloped the cold room and you could imagine your friends looking at each other with a small smile on their features.  
   
“Good night (F/n)!” Erian quipped as she lied back down and drew the blankets up until her waist.  
   
Giving a small grunt as a response, you let a content smile appear on your lips as you closed your tired eyes and allowed yourself to be lulled to sleep with the relaxed breathing of your best friends. Now all that you had to do is hope that life would pity you for once and not wake you up when you clearly don’t want to.  
   
And it did pity you that early morning.  
   
So much to the fact that by the time you woke up, the room was flooded with the light and heat of a late afternoon sky. Blinking, you sat up, a groan escaping you when you felt a joint pop and you realized that the reason you didn't feel as cold anymore was because a layer of three blankets were on you.  
   
A look of subtle displeasure made its way onto your face as you lazily stood up and folded the blankets to place them on the bed alongside your pillow.  
   
As much as you loved to sleep, this was probably too much.  
   
With a small sigh you sat on the bed after dragging your boots with you. You thought about wearing your jacket, but then you remembered that you graduated yesterday. Would it be weird to wear your trainee jacket right now even though just yesterday it was the most normal thing in the world?  
   
Distant chatter outside the halls disrupted your thoughts and as soon as you finished wearing your boots, the door to the room opened, revealing your best friends who ceased talking the moment they saw you on the bed with your arms crossed and your foot tapping on the cold stone floor.  
   
“Woah, you’re up!” Erian said.  
   
“No Erian. I’m sleeping.” You said in monotone, matched with a clearly annoyed expression that was pasted on your face.  
   
“Feeling any better?” Ysavelle said, making her way to you and dropping a small pouch beside you.  
   
“Mmhm…” You hummed, eyeing the pouch the raven was opening up and you resisted the urge to cringe when your friend took out some familiar bottles or clear liquid along with some bandages and a sharp scissor.  
   
Erian sat beside you on the mattress as Devan leaned on the wall near the bed. Ysavelle then pulled a chair from the far side of the room and placed it in front of you for her to sit on. Once comfortably sat on the chair, the raven then stretched her hand towards you expectantly. A small grimace was now on your face and you shook your head.  
   
“Can we not? These were changed yesterday.” You muttered.  
   
“Would you rather, we ask Hanji to go here and change them for you?” Devan said as he took himself away from the wall and started walking towards the door.  
   
“You’re a jerk.” You sigh in annoyance and placed your hand on Ysavelle’s.  
   
Devan then returned to his spot on the wall with a smug grin and you ran your unoccupied hand over (h/c) locks. Hanji was pretty good at dressing up wounds, there’s no doubt about that. But you didn't want a couple more people to worry about you. And let’s not forget that one time a few years back that she accidentally poured half a bottle of disinfectant on an open wound on your leg.  
   
That was certainly not a good experience.  
   
Even to this day you cringe at the thought of the burning sensation ever happening to you again. You bit your bottom lip at the memory and also because Ysavelle was pressing a wet cloth of painfulness onto the bite marks on your left hand that still refused to close up.  
   
“Do you guys know when we get our uniforms?” You said in desperation to place your thoughts elsewhere.  
   
“I’m thinking the end of the week.” Erian said in a comforting tone and a small silence engulfed the room, save for the sounds of cloth as Ysavelle began re-dressing your sprained wrist.  
   
“We’re… really here aren't we?” Erian continued after some time. “I mean… this isn't a dream right? We’re really members of the Scouting Legion now. We’re… we’re going outside the walls.”  
   
Everyone in the room looked at the auburn haired girl whose hands were shaking on her lap. The girl very much just voiced out all that you guys were suppressing deep inside since the journey here. You gave a small smile as you rested your head gently on her shoulder. Erian seemed to be comforted by the act as her shaking ceased a bit and you opened your mouth to speak.  
   
“Yep, we’re really here.”  
   
After a short while, Ysavelle was finished with your hands and was awkwardly looking at you, unsure how to bring the topic up. You were quick to notice the raven’s discomfort however, so you straightened up from leaning on Erian’s shoulder and started to unbutton your button-up a little bit for her to be able to dress the wound on your shoulder.  
   
Devan was looking at you but there wasn't any malice with it; you didn't mind either since he was basically like a brother to you. The beige haired boy was simply curious about the wound on your shoulder but as soon as he saw it, he averted his gaze with distaste on his stoic demeanor. It wasn't a pretty sight to see and even you cringed when you looked down to see the colorful blotches of blue, green and black on your shoulder that was marred with deep cuts.  
   
“Shit…” You said to yourself as you observed the work of art on your person. No wonder you felt like someone was cutting through you with a bread knife whenever you bumped your shoulder.  
   
Even Ysavelle’s hands were shaking as she cautiously dressed it up, but even if she was careful you still flinched at the contact. Erian had stood up on her seat to look over the raven’s shoulder, hazel eyes grew wide as the auburn now had a scowl on her face.  
   
Yes, it was that bad.  
   
You hissed particularly loud when Ysavelle patted the spot lightly with a wet cloth, Erian tried to soothe you by rubbing comforting circles on your back and Devan settled for ignoring what was going on as best as he could. He never really liked it when you were in pain.  
   
Pretty soon you were done with patching up and Ysavelle was fixing the medical kit she borrowed from who knows where. You then changed into a light gray, long-sleeved shirt with the help of Erian and then you were ready to go out for a much deserved meal.  
   
It seems your friends haven’t eaten yet and woke up just a few minutes earlier than you did. Erian mentioned that after they covered you up with their blankets, they went out to quickly grab some things to dress your wounds for when you woke up. They never expected you to be up and about the moment they came back though.  
   
Going outside the room and making your way to the dining area, you saw fellow trainees passing by and having small talk. When people passed your group, some gave you a smile that you returned before going about their business, while others greeted you and your friends with enthusiasm.  
   
There were about forty people, more or less, from the 105th Training Division that were crazed enough to join the Survey Corps (you included). At least that was what your other batch mates said on the little time you could say farewells.  
   
As usual, you guys were the minority and the rest one hundred and so members of the 105th was taken up by the Garrison because surprisingly, everyone who made it into the top 10 decided on choosing to risk their lives and fight for humanity instead of living some comfy life pushing people around in the interior.  
   
Taking a slow turn, you scrunched up your eyebrows as a thought entered your mind.  
   
“Hey… did you guys meet any of the 104th today?” You asked to which you got a shrug from Devan.  
   
Erian tapped her lip with an index finger. “No, now that I think about it, all I saw were our fellow new recruits and some other superiors.”  
   
“I overheard some squad leaders saying that they were out since yesterday morning to get supplies or something.” Ysavelle helpfully inquired you. “I’m pretty sure they’ll be back soon.”  
   
And you really hoped they would come back soon because you couldn't deny the fact that you missed them terribly. There was a little part of you however, that didn't want to see them. You couldn't handle people you didn't even know dying, so what more if you saw your friends die right before your eyes?  
   
A hand held you by the back of your shirt and you then realized how close you were to kissing a wooden door. Devan then let go of your shirt and because of the gentleman that he is, he gave you a smirk to piss you off before opening the door.  
   
The place really was different than the training grounds.  
   
Tables were lined up in the usual boring fashion like the ones back at the training area, but instead of benches for the seats, there were individual wooden chairs here. The rest of the room, like the rest of the castle, had floors and walls of stone in contrast to the wood you became accustomed to seeing. But the biggest difference would be the spacious areas and ceilings you couldn't touch, even if you had to force Devan to stand on a table and you stood on his shoulders.  
   
Even if most of the tables were occupied and the place was noisy with conversations, it still looked lonely to you.  
   
“(F/N)!”  
   
You scanned the room for the voice and saw a brunette waving her arm for your group to come over.  
   
You were about to look at your friends and see if they wanted to go, but they were already on their way so you just gave a little sigh and started walking over to the enthusiastic woman who was grinning like there was no tomorrow.  
   
Once you guys got there, Hanji invited your group to take a seat on the many unoccupied chairs of the table, but you couldn’t really tell if that was okay because there was the guy whose name you didn't know but kept glaring at you with cold gray eyes like he was going to eat you whole.  
   
You figured he could be relatively new to the Scouting Legion, since you didn't see him the first time you met Hanji a few years back. Or maybe you just missed him because you weren't really at a stable condition back then, but then again, you thought that if you met the guy before, his icy stare wouldn't be something you could easily forget.  
   
The fact that you had to sit only a chair away from the stoic guy didn't help calm you down either.  
   
And here you thought Shadis was intimidating as hell.  
   
“You guys were really that tired huh?” Hanji suddenly said as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose.  
   
“Yep.” Erian replied with a smile on her face. “To be honest, I was thinking (F/n) would be the only one to sleep in… but I guess we were pretty swamped too.”  
   
You elbowed the side of your auburn friend slightly as a warning. It was somehow obvious that she was trying to hint about that masterpiece on your shoulder that only a few select people know about. Not even Shadis himself was informed about it, and thankfully too.  
   
You eyed the man beside you, drinking his tea in an unlikely fashion. You probably were staring for too long because Hanji got up from her seat across you and strode over to the person your eyes were glued on. The person Hanji addressed as Levi before.  
   
Placing her hands on the person’s shoulders, you saw a subtle change on the man’s expression, one of irritation as he set his cup of tea down rather harshly and took the brunette’s hands away from him by the sleeves of Hanji’s jacket.  
   
“Guys, I’d like to introduce you to this midget.” She quips, earning her a death glare that you found amusing. “This is Captain Levi.” She said with a grin. “Or you might know him as Humanity’s Strongest.”  
   
As soon as Hanji said that last sentence, Erian stood abruptly on her seat to eye the man up and down.  
   
“Y-you’re Humanity’s Strongest?!” The auburn girl shouted, excitement was clearly on her features as you just sat there a little unsure on what to do. You didn't expect to see the guy you somewhat admired right off the bat. You didn't expect him to be that short either. It was some stereotype you put up before that Humanity’s Strongest would be twice as tall as Betholdt and have three times the muscles Reiner would have.  
   
Instead humanity’s strongest looked prim and proper, smelled like cleaning products and held a tea cup like some classy nobleman you've seen parading around Stohess with a stick.  
   
“So what if I am, shitty brat?”  
   
Oh, and did I mention he had the most colorful vocabulary as well?  
   
“Woah… Oh gosh, (F/n)! It’s him.” Erian shook you on your good shoulder. Then your friend looked around to see Devan with an amused stare and Ysavelle seemed completely stoned. You on the other hand, had your eyes locked on his figure, mouth slightly agape and you felt like running towards the guy to ask him all about titan kills and techniques.  
   
For once in his life, the man named Levi felt a little uncomfortable with the intense gazes he received from the four new recruits on the table. Though to be honest, the whole day was about him trying to not snap at any of the new faces who looked at him like he was their hero or something. Which he was in their eyes, respectively, but Levi was that guy who absolutely didn't want attention.  
   
 “Tch.” A click of the tongue snapped you out of your trance and you averted your eyes away from him.  
   
“That’s not a good way to treat people who admire you, Levi.” Hanji teased.  
   
You were very certain the man was going to say something then murder the brunette but then the doors to the place’s mess hall was opened and there standing on the doorway were familiar faces that you haven’t seen in about two months.  
   
Members of the 104th looked distraught and tired from their supposed mission, but when they came back to base and saw some new faces, they threw all their complaints out the window and asked around for a certain (e/c) eyed girl.  
   
“You guys!” You heard Sasha’s voice.  
   
You were certain a grin had come on to your face by then, but that dissipated quickly when a boy with a buzz cut ran up to you as fast as he could and gave you a really tight hug along with the back of the chair you were sitting on. It was a nice hug, and you would have loved to get it any other time… just not when there was quite the damage on a shoulder.  
   
“Shit!” You hissed, trying to calm yourself down but tears were already seeping through your closed eyes.  
   
Before anyone could have the time to react at your very unexpected reaction, Devan was holding Connie away from you by the collar and Erian was standing protectively over you. Ysavelle, since she was the best at alleviating your stress, had come over to wipe some tears off your cheeks as your left arm was numbed and your right hand was gently caressing the painful spot.  
   
It wasn't hard to see that everyone in the room was stricken with panic.  
   
Krista and Sasha came over to ask you what was wrong. Connie still had his eyes on you as Devan was still glaring at him. The rest of the boys who just arrived were torn between wanting to comfort you and wanting to take the beige haired boy’s place. Hanji’s grin was wiped off of her face the moment your first tear fell, and even Levi halted from drinking his tea to look at you.  
   
The rest of the people in the room, made up of a small number of members of the previous 105th, had stopped stuffing their faces and settled for zipping their lips and sending you looks of worry and concern. They, after all, knew what was wrong.  
   
The pain on your shoulder lasted for at least a minute, but that was probably the second worst minute you've ever had in your life. The first time transpired after you were taken out of a cage, but that’s not important right now.  
   
Bringing a hand up, you tapped Devan on the shoulder.  
   
“Dev… stop it.” You forced yourself to say while in the midst of taking a deep breath to calm your nerves.  
   
The beige haired boy closed his eyes and gently set his superior down who still couldn't take his eyes away from you. Turning around, Devan sat down on the chair previously occupied by Erian and crossed his arms. His lips formed a tight line as he composed himself.  
   
“Sorry.” The beige haired boy mutters and you gave a weak smile.  
   
Devan wasn't a disrespectful person, well he may act like it most of the time, but he was a good guy and his manners were great too. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing with him that happened back there. The kind of thing that snaps any kind of hold he has on his being whenever he sees someone important to him get hurt.  
   
“(F/n), what happened?” Krista tried to ask you once again.  
   
“I was surprised. That’s all.” You lied, taking your trembling hand away from your shoulder and grasping Ysavelle’s warm ones.  
   
Well you couldn't just cry and look like your guts were being shredded to pieces then say it was just because you were surprised. Everyone was unconvinced and you swear you could hear Levi scoff a little bit. You were thankful nobody seemed to pry after that, but you forgot there was a certain woman named Hanji in the room.  
   
Stretching her arm out, the brunette who was standing across from you, grabbed the cloth on your shoulder and slid it down a bit with a swift motion.  
   
It only lasted for a bit before you pulled the fabric back up and squinted your eyes at the woman.  
   
“Hanji, I would appreciate it if you don’t strip me in front of everyone.” You hissed.  
   
But then the damage was done.  
   
It only lasted for a minuscule of a second but everyone huddled around you was able to see the bruises and short but deep cuts that decorated your shoulder. Hanji retracted her outstretched hand and brought up her index finger and thumb to rub the bridge of her nose.  
   
“What happened?” The brunette asked in a rather dark tone and you settled for silence.  
   
Everyone’s eyes were on you right now and it wasn't a good feeling.  
   
“(F/n). I’ll ask you again.” Hanji said, placing her hands on the surface of the table. “What happened to you?”  
   
You gave a little sigh of annoyance and crossed your arms.  
   
Unless you were able to provide a thousand page report with full detail on what happened to you, you were pretty certain you weren't going to get some sleep tonight. And you had a feeling it wasn't only going to be Hanji who would make it that way.


	13. Her Little Discoveries

The sun had set just a few minutes ago but you didn't find it odd since you did wake up late in the afternoon. Eerie silence filled the mess hall as the last of your batch mates said a quick good night to you before scurrying off to look at a paper posted on the hallways to get their assigned rooms.  
  
Crossing your arms, you leaned back in your seat and let a sigh escape your lips as you tried to ignore the variety of colored orbs that were looking at you.  
  
“So… basically, you took the final evaluation exam with a broken wrist then some girl breaks her gear so you help her and then you were assaulted by a bear then you used your badass skills to kill it and complete the final evaluation while bleeding to death and still managed to graduate as the top of the class.”  
   
You looked at Connie and furrowed your eyebrows at his summary.  
   
You didn't like how the word ‘kill’ was being associated with your name… it just felt too disturbing. The thought of taking the life out of any living thing was beyond you as well, at the time of the final evaluation you acted on pure instinct and the thought of survival, but you were pretty sure when you stabbed the animal, you didn't leave the blade too deep or near a vital area.  
   
“Why omit that injury on the medical reports though?” Krista said as she gestured to your shoulder.  
   
You were a little tired with all the talking and explaining you had to do so you looked at Erian for some help. The auburn who was standing beside you then gave a small smile and the moment she opened her mouth, you remembered why you never let the hazel eyed girl speak for you.  
   
“Because (F/n) was scared she wouldn't get into the Scouting Legion if Shadis knew.” Erian said, to which you jabbed her in the side with an elbow.  
   
“That has got to be the shittiest reason I've heard in my lifetime.” A stoic man scoffed as he continued sipping his tea.  
   
You wanted to do something to the guy, like push that dainty tea cup to his face while he’s drinking in that odd way, or comment about his height, or pull his chair out, or just do possibly anything to piss him off. Humanity’s Strongest or not, he’s just a plain rude midget with some talent.  
   
It was just unfortunate that you didn't really have the energy to argue anymore so you just let his insult go with a stern glare that was immediately returned to you.  
   
“I don’t think the Scouting Legion would turn you down even with an injury.” Armin said reassuringly. “It’s going to take a few weeks to heal, but we don’t have any scheduled expeditions yet.”  
   
“Plus, you’re like the best of the batch.” Eren said with a smile.  
   
You smiled back at the brunette and for some reason he just looked away from you. In any case, you knew the teal eyed boy was trying his best to somehow alleviate your spirits, but even so, you had to disagree on that statement of his because no one could match numbers to what everyone on the 105th, or even just the top ten for that matter, would be worth on the battlefield.  
   
For all they know, you could be the first one out on an expedition.  
   
Hopefully not, but the possibilities are endless right?  
   
Across from you, a certain brunette woman still had her hands palm flat on the table and she has been notably quiet since the time you were done with the story-telling, or maybe the more appropriate term would be an answer and question session because not even a minute into your talking, you were being bombarded with question after question and somehow you managed to finish the story that way.  
   
“You still haven’t changed (F/n).” Hanji sighed, finally breaking her silence.  
   
“I did.” You muttered, biting your bottom lip.  
   
At this, everyone else in the table, aside from your best friends, had that little tint of curiosity in their eyes.  
   
“Woah… Squad Leader Hanji, do you know (F/n)?” Sasha blurted out.  
   
You were panicked the moment you realized that question would come up. You kept your eyes trained on the surface of the table and you could feel your heart beating loudly in your chest as you tried to calm yourself down. You didn't want them to know yet, at least not right now.  
   
“Oh, well… Back when Shadis was still the commander, I went to the interior and met (F/n), Devan and Erian over here.” Hanji said in a cheerful tone as soon as she saw your distraught expression. “They were so adorable back then! Oh, and Erwin was there too.”  
   
“Like what we did earlier?” Connie remarked.  
   
“Yep, just for some supplies… and other things.” Hanji quipped, the last part of her sentence barely audible.  
   
Finally being able to calm yourself down, you shot a weak smile Hanji’s way and then stood up from your seat. The reason you came into the mess hall was so that you could stuff yourself with food, but you kind of lost your appetite midway in all the talk and all you wanted to do right now was go for a walk outside.  
   
“I’m going out a bit.” You said, giving everyone a tired smile.  
   
As per usual, your best friends let you have your way and decided to probably just go get you inside if you lose track of time, but before you could even take two steps away from the group that was once surrounding you, a pair of strong arms situated itself on the back of your knees and waist and then all of a sudden you were hoisted up.  
   
“What the f—?!”  
  
“Woah, language please.” Hanji interrupted before you could finish your sentence, the brunette’s face was a dead giveaway that she was a little too much amused at the situation at hand.  
   
“I’m not a child anymore Hanji. And there’s someone here with more of a language problem than me.” You said with a scoff, ignoring Hanji’s laughing and someone’s death glare.  
  
“More importantly, put me down Reiner!”  
  
You tried kicking around to release you from your restraints, but the blond guy just wouldn't let go of you. A smirk then appeared on your captor’s face and you scowled in return. This was really embarrassing and you wanted out of this state. You thought about trying to push him away but your hands couldn't even push a door open without giving you hell. And then there was your shoulder too.  
   
You felt a surge of heat go up to your cheeks as you registered the many stares you were getting, not to mention the feeling of helplessness. You looked around in desperation to try and get your friends to help you out of this.  
   
Well, by now you really should have known better than to even hope that your friends would help you in this predicament.  
   
Glancing around, you saw Sasha looking at you with a weird smile. Mikasa was also watching the scene before her but she just stood there like nothing was wrong. Ymir had Krista occupied so you ruled them out too.  
   
Giving a frustrated sigh, you met eyes with your best friends. And that’s when you realized you were alone in this.  
  
Gray-blue eyes and hazel stared at you, a knowing smile on their faces as they tried to hold back the teasing lest they wanted your flushed face to turn a couple hundred shades darker. Devan was still sitting on his chair and had his back to you, but you could feel him smirking, and you didn't like it.  
   
“No can do (F/n).” Reiner finally had enough of your embarrassment and decided to speak. “You need to rest right now.”  
   
“Put. Me. Down. Now.” You repeated with more force.  
   
“Yeah, go put her down Reiner.” Finally, someone had the heart to help you. “Better yet, pass her to me.”  
   
Okay… maybe you spoke too soon.  
   
“Give me one good reason why I should Connie.” Reiner remarked, and the two had a mini glare competition as you brought one hand up to rub your forehead and at least try to ease the flush on your cheeks.  
   
“R-Reiner… it’s not good to start a fight.” A tall olive green-eyed boy said, but he was ignored. When your eyes met, he just gave you an apologetic smile before bringing his attention back to his friends.  
   
“You guys are immature.” A certain two-tone haired boy said in an arrogant tone as he crossed his arms, the act successfully bringing Connie and Reiner to stop their ridiculous contest and having the two give him a scowl. “Just pass (F/n) to me so I can show you kids how a real man carries a lady.”  
   
“You mean how a horse carries a lady?” Someone scoffed. “Do you want me to get a saddle then?”  
   
“You wanna go shitface?!” Jean uncrossed his arms and had his hands form fists.  
   
“Bring it on!” Eren retorted, getting in a fighting stance, causing an immediate action from Mikasa and Armin to stop a blood bath from happening.  
   
“You can do it (F/n)!” A certain hazel eyed girl remarked with a giggle to which you just frowned at.  
   
“Tch, quiet down you shitty brats.” Someone spoke in monotone.  
   
By now you were getting dizzy with all the taunting, being suspended above the ground by a bickering person didn't help either. It clearly showed on your face how annoyed yet distraught you were but nobody paid heed to you. All you just wanted was a little walk around the base for some fresh air. It wouldn't even take 15 minutes! Was that such a difficult thing to give you?  
   
And then suddenly, all actions ceased and you felt yourself being taken away from Reiner’s vice grip. You were able to breathe a sigh of relief now that all the noise had stopped, but then it registered in your mind that someone was still carrying you and the thought alone was enough to renew the scowl on your face.  
   
“Hanji… put me down.” You muttered, feeling a headache coming along.  
   
But the brunette who as now carrying you seemed to have her mind on a different world as she tightened her grip on you with mock possessiveness—the kind that a mother or father would probably display when their sweet, little daughter brings the topic of marriage to the dinner table.  
   
“So that’s what it is!” Hanji spoke up with singsong voice and a devious grin. A sparkle was visible in her brown eyes as the boys of the 104th stiffened, eyes locked to that of the squad leader. “Since when did you guys think of her like that?” The brunette addressed the mess of cadets before her.  
   
You could hear a muffled squeal from Erian, followed by a small statement from Ysavelle to calm the auburn girl down.  
   
The scowl in your face then deepened tenfold as you scrunched up your eyebrows.  
   
Think of you about what?  
   
Hanji probably didn't know that when they sent the 104th to the training grounds, you and your friends became quite close to them. But it should have been obvious what your relationship was, so how come you felt like she was talking about something that wasn't in the context of friendship?  
   
“Well…?” You heard Hanji say.  
   
“W-what do you mean?” Bertholdt was the first to speak up. His voice as a little shakier than usual though.  
   
“You know what I mean.” Hanji smirked. “Or was I too vague?”  
   
The boys took a gulp of air and even Levi found himself a little intrigued about the current setting, though for the stoic man’s case, maybe it’s just that he finished his tea a while back and had nothing else better to do than take in his comrade’s perturbed appearances.  
   
“We really don’t know what you mean.” Reiner said with an uninterested facade.  
   
“Let me rephrase the question then.” Hanji grinned and you rolled your eyes. “When did you guys develop some fee—“  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji.” You interrupted (much to the boys’ relief), adding on the title before the brunette’s name for added emphasis on your mood as you decided that enough was enough and that you will get your little walk today or else all the tables on the mess all with be split in two.  
   
“I would really, really appreciate it if you acknowledge the fact that my legs are not injured and I can walk.”  
   
Hanji gave you a playful pout that you completely met with an icy stare. With a sigh, the brunette slowly and reluctantly steadied you on your two feet.  
   
“Thanks a lot.” You said to your three best friends, irritation dripping with every word. Erian and Ysavelle flinched and mouthed a sorry while the beige haired boy simply turned from his seat to look at you.  
   
“How long will you be out?” Devan inquired.  
   
“As long as I feel like it.”  
   
After giving that reply, you quickly made your way to the door and kicked it open with a foot since you couldn't rely on your hands right now. Stepping outside of the mess hall, you gave one quick glance at the people inside before using a foot to gently close the door and then going out of the building for some alone time.  
   
Back at the mess hall, silence ensued once again as they heard a distant door open and close.  
   
“I think we just pissed (F/n) off.” Armin quietly said as soon as he as positive you were a couple feet away from earshot.  
   
“She’s not.” Erian reassured the worried boys of the 104th. “She doesn't have the best of tempers, but truly pissing her off is something you don’t want to see and takes a lot of effort.”  
   
“I… I still think we should apologize.” Bertholdt said.  
   
“She would appreciate that.” Ysavelle gave a smile. “But I think it would be best to let her calm down a bit.”  
   
The boys of the 104th looked at each other and had some kind of silent agreement that they would apologize to you after you've had your little walk. As much as they’d like to run up to you and bow down on their knees right now, they respected your space and didn't really want to make you feel worse.  
   
Although, they did admit that your flustered face was something they’d like to see again soon.  
   
“Well, I’m going back to my room then.” Jean muttered, turning around to exit the mess hall.  
   
But then a hand was placed on the ashy-brown mop’s shoulder and he turned his head to the side to see a certain brunette squad leader with a sly smile on her face that mostly showed when there were titans nearby.  
   
“Who said you guys could leave?”  
                                                                                                                                                      
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
Walking around the Survey Corps’ base was as boring as walking around the training grounds. There wasn't anything to see but walls of old stone, patches of dried soil, grass and a blanket of trees that stretched as far as the eye could see. There were the occasional wild flowers too but they didn't really get your attention that much.  
   
You then heard distant chattering and you whipped your head to the side of the building to see two figures sparring with each other.  
   
The first of the two was a wavy light caramel haired girl and the second person was a boy with short, tousled raven hair. Both had the same shade of brown eyes and they were both either deflecting hits or sending them.  
   
After a while of intense fighting, the girl backed away from her opponent and wiped her forehead with the sleeve of her navy blue button-up. On the corner of her eye she saw a figure standing not that far away so she turned to look at it, only to be met by (e/c) pools staring back at her.  
   
“(F/n)?” The girl said, gesturing for you to come over and you smiled back at the invitation.  
   
Going over to them, you scanned their sweat slicked clothes. “You guys are really going at it, huh?”  
   
“Well it’s pretty hard to just stand around and do nothing.” The boy said as he sat himself down on the hard ground and wiped his hands together to get rid of the dirt. “Pretty sure you’d be doing it too but…” His eyes trailed at your bandaged hands and you consciously hid them behind your back.  
   
“Anyway, how are you holding up?” The girl said.  
   
“I’ll be better in no time Blanche.” You responded.  
   
The two people, who were sparring just a while ago, go by the names of Blanche and Aiden. Respectively, the 2nd best and 5th best in your batch as much as the numbers say. You've battled with them on hand to hand combat quite a lot during the course of a year and their skills are no joke, among the best if you had to say so yourself.  
   
“You better not die on us in the first expedition (F/n).” Aiden joked. “You’re our best by a long shot.”  
   
“You know, numbers don’t really give us a good estimate of our potential.” You said back.  
   
“I have to agree on that one.” Blanche gave a warm smile.  
   
Pretty soon, you three were just sitting around and looking at the sky that got dimmer by the minute until it was but a veil of dark violet sprinkled with clusters of stars. You talked about a lot of things, basically under the umbrella of life back when you were trainees, but they were fun nonetheless. For once, you even considered missing that intimidating instructor of yours.  
   
“They said you’re not a true Scouting Legion member if you don’t make it back on your first mission.”  
   
You and Aiden looked back at the girl who was between you two and staring at the night sky. Her light caramel hair was a shade darker from the poor lighting and she had a serious look on her face, but her eyes, although filled with worry and fear, showed an intensity that rivaled the brightness of the stars above you.  
   
That statement came out of the blue though, considering your last topic was about the standard meal of bread and soup back at the training grounds.  
   
Aiden looked at the ground and gave a sigh. “If I die on the first expedition, then I’m going to have to kill a titan first. That way, even if I die, at least I helped humanity in some way.”  
   
“Same.” You muttered as you began hugging your knees close to your chest while you rested your back on the cold stone wall behind you.  
   
The mood you three had considerably dropped a bit and it came to the point where none of you were talking and just pictured possible death scenarios in your head. Glancing back at the people beside you, you forced a smile out of your face as you stood up.  
   
“It’s pretty late, don’t you think?” You said, turning to face your two companions and reaching out your hands for them to take.  
   
It was obvious that the two didn't want to take you on your offer because it wasn't really enticing to pull on a bandaged hand. Realizing the mistake you made, you just told them to grab you on a spot above your wrist and the two complied willingly this time.  
  
You three then began to make your way back into the castle by use of the main entrance hall near the mess hall.  
   
Your thoughts then went back to the events a little earlier in the evening and you felt your cheeks flush up again. You were lucky it was dark outside; otherwise your two friends might have thought you acquired some kind of fever. They did notice the subtle change in your walking pace though, but came to a conclusion that you were probably just tired so they slowed back a bit to match your pace.  
   
It wasn't that long when you came to the door where you left earlier and Aiden opened the door for you and Blanche before closing it without making much of a sound.  
   
Soon you three parted ways along the corridor, your two friends giving you a short good night before heading to their respective sleeping quarters and you turned around to look for the room assignment paper that was said to be posted near the mess hall.  
   
In your desperation to get away from your friends a while back, the thought of knowing where you’d sleep that night completely went out of your mind. Now you had to suffer the consequences and walk through poorly lit hallways in search for a piece of paper where your fate for a good night’s sleep resided in.  
   
Suppressing a shout, you leaned back in a wall and attempted to ignore the painful throbbing your foot was having. It appears you had kicked a sharp edge or something and you squint your eyes to make out whatever it was that blocked your path.  
   
Maybe staying too close to the walls wasn't a good idea after all.  
   
Your eyes had begun to adjust to the darkness a little, so you were able to see something rectangular that stood taller than you by a couple inches at least. You pursed your lips together and brought a hand up to the blockage on your path. By the feel on your fingertips, you discerned that it was made with wood, probably a storage cabinet?  
   
A sigh of relief washed over you as you opened the wooden contraption and began to search blindly for anything to help you in your quest to survive before you get to your room.  
   
Luckily, after a while of panicked searching, your hands met with something that resembled a lamp and you took it out of the closet to bring it up to your face. Giving it a little tap at the bottom, you heard liquid slosh around and you felt for a switch. Finally, your tensed muscles relaxed when a flame burned brightly in the confines of the lamp and giving you a better view of your path.  
   
You were able to get to your desired destination quickly by then, and now scanning the piece of paper in front of you, you found out that your room on the second floor was conveniently placed beside Ysavelle’s.  
   
Devan and Erian’s rooms were on the same floor as well, but were a right turn and couple doors down the hallways.  
   
Humming a satisfied tune, you were about to turn to the direction of the staircase when you caught a faint flicker of light that seemed to seep out from the closed door of the mess hall. Familiar voices were then heard, but whatever they were saying was muffled by the thick walls.  
   
You were tempted to take a look inside and confirm your suspicions, but thought better of it because you really didn't want to pry. And you just stormed off on your friends a while ago too, it’s not like you could just waltz in there and pretend like nothing’s wrong.  
   
You’ll fix things up tomorrow, but for now your priority was to collect your belongings from the room you shared with your best friends just earlier in the day, move your stuff to your new room, change into your anything that wasn't a button-up and trousers and finally just hit the hay.  
   
After having all your stuff neatly arranged on a corner of the room, you closed your bedroom door and set the lamp on your hand to the bedside table. You then began to rummage through what little luggage you had for a nightly attire and you pulled a thin fabric off of your leather bag.  
   
It was a nightgown that ended up above your knees by a couple inches, a small gift from your mother a year ago. You didn't even know you brought it until now.  
   
Giving a troubled sigh, you changed into the dress. It’s not like you had a choice on the matter, since anything that wasn't a button-up and trousers led to this. It was a little short for comfort but you couldn't care less at the moment. You weren't going to parade around the base in it anyway.  
   
You just wanted to sleep, and sleep you did.  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
“So you guys seriously like the same person?” Hanji said.  
   
By now it was dark outside, and the only thing illuminating the mess hall was a lamp Krista took from a storage closet just a little ways away from where Hanji was interrogating the poor boys, who, might I add, were reduced to nothing but a blushing mess with all the questions being shot their way.  
   
“And out of all the people, you chose (F/n).” The brunette concluded with a satisfied smile on her lips.  
   
“Can we stop now?” Connie gave really long sigh. “I’m pretty sure it’s past midnight.”  
   
“You didn't answer my question.” The brunette said.  
   
“Yes… Yes, we like the same person. There, can we go now?” Jean said, crossing his arms in frustration to hide his trembling hands.  
   
“You guys aren't playing with her, are you?” Hanji said.  
   
“They better not be.” Erian muttered darkly.  
   
“What? No. I-I don’t know about the others but I’m pretty serious here.”  Armin defended himself and Hanji just pushed her glasses up a bit as a response.  
   
“It’s not just you Armin.” Eren muttered.  
   
“What do you brats see in her anyway?” Someone joined in, causing eyes to focus on his stormy gray ones.  
   
“How about you Levi, what do you see in her?” Hanji said, crossing her arms and eyeing the man up and down.  
   
It was really a surprise for everyone that the guy was still here. I mean, he was Lance Corporal Levi. The man who barely finds an interest in anything else but clean proximities and had low tolerance for something called a ‘Hanji’.  
   
To be honest, the guy himself was surprised he was sticking in with the group for so long.  
   
“Nothing.” Levi scoffed. “She’s just a brat.”  
   
Protests were about to be heard, but all chatter in the room ceased when the door to the mess hall opened slowly, revealing a certain girl, her (h/l) (h/c) hair messed up from her pillow, and she had sleep-glazed (e/c) orbs. You were holding a lamp up, adding some more light into the room as your cream colored clothes took in the color of a slight orange hue.  
   
And on the topic off clothes, what bothered the people in the room though (well, mostly the boys), was your attire that was a long sleeved night gown, cut short a couple inches above your knee.  
   
~~Well… looks like there's going to be good dreams tonight.~~  
   
You weren't really that attentive though, just like you always were when you’re fresh out of sleep or still drowned in it. You stumbled a little upon entry into the room, the small action causing a couple hearts to melt as you made your way to the kitchen, completely oblivious to the many eyes trained on your back.  
   
Downing a glass of water from the tap, you rand a hand through your (h/c) tufts then set the glass you just used on the sink. Having your thirst quenched, you got yourself out of the kitchen and back into the mess hall. You only managed to sleep for two hours before thirst woke you up, and now that you've sated it, you would very much like to have quality time with sleep again.  
   
Before you were able to exit the room though, a certain raven haired girl snapped out of her trance and gave a warm smile.  
   
“Good night (F/n).” Ysavelle said loud enough for you to hear.  
   
Turning around, you locked eyes with her and gave a tired smile that sent the beats of the boys’ hearts to a terrifying extreme.  
   
“G’night. You guys better sleep now.” You muttered, going out of the door and closing it shut.  
   
Hearing your retreating footsteps, Hanji turned to look as a certain man beside her whose stare unconsciously glued itself onto you from the small minute you came in for a drink and went out again.  
   
“Still nothing?” Hanji teased.  
   
“Shut up, shitty glasses.” **  
**


	14. The Things They See

Sitting up from the cot where you accidentally dozed off in, you gave a small yawn as you threw your legs to the bedside and ignored the slight throbbing of your head. A gust of wind from a small window across the room caused you to shiver slightly, and consequently, getting you to look for your military jacket that was discarded from your person just a few hours ago.  
   
After a while of blindly patting around, you felt the brown fabric and placed it on your lap, a small smile then seeped into your features as you let a finger trace the outline of overlapping white and somewhat navy blue wings.  
   
You chuckled a little at the first time you got them a week after you entered the Scouting Legion. It was really funny with the way Erian paraded around the base with even the green cloak on, causing Devan to keep a hand on his face to hide his obvious embarrassment.  
   
“Feeling better?”  
   
Taking your eyes away from your jacket, your smile dampened as you stared at a desk littered with some books and a few papers. A woman was leaning by the desk, her dark brown hair was tied up in a messy ponytail like always and her glasses lay on top of it like a headband. She had a smile as she took a sip of a steamy liquid and her other hand was clutching a small bundle of papers.  
   
“Why didn't you wake me up?” You asked.  
   
“You needed some rest.”  
   
You looked down on your hands that lay limp on top of your uniform jacket and gave a little sigh. Personally, you thought you needed time off from your duties as well so you couldn't really complain.  
   
“Yes… I feel better now.” You muttered an answer to the question posed to you earlier. “Thanks Hanji.”  
   
“No problem!” The brunette quipped with a wide grin and you gave a smile back.  
   
The woman then went to the small nightstand near you and started digging through the first drawer. You eyed her with interest as she took out a small glass jar not larger than the size of her palm. Hanji then inspected the jar for a little bit, before prying its lid open and taking out three white pills.  
   
Setting the now closed jar back into the drawer, the brunette turned to you and took a hand to drop the small flattened circles on them. They looked different than the usual and you eyed the brunette suspiciously.  
   
“Drink this up and then you can go.” Hanji smiled and she went back to her desk to pour you a cup of tea. “You’re not advised to train though. Erwin was informed of the situation so you’re relieved of your duties for the day again.”  
   
The unsatisfied look on your face caused Hanji to immediately walk over to you and pass you the warm cup with a reassuring smile on her face. Once the tableware was out of her hands, the brunette then put a hand on your messy (h/c) mop and gave you small pats.  
   
“You can train as much as you want when you’re better (F/n). Everyone’s worried y’know?”  
   
You forced up a smile and popped the medicine in your mouth, quickly followed by the quick swig of tea that burned your tongue. Giving the now emptied cup back onto Hanji’s hands, you then stood from the bed and slung your military jacket on your shoulder before saying a quick goodbye and stepping out into the hallways.  
   
As your bare feet padded across the smooth but cold stone floors, you examined your hands and let a content sigh leave you.  
   
“About time…” You muttered to yourself as you walked by doors and a couple flights of steps to reach your room that was on the south wing of the castle.  
   
Hanji's office was on the east wing, just a little distance away from your room, but you opted for a small detour since you had nothing better to do and being the epitome of lazy and useless didn't strike you well.  
   
It has been about three weeks and a half since you graduated from your previous affiliation, the 105th Trainees Squad, and that also means you've been part of the Scouting Legion for almost a month.  
   
Nothing notable has happened lately because everyday seemed like a rerun of the day before.  
   
If you had to actually point out something, then it would probably how Hanji finally allowed you to go and train after a thorough inspection of your injuries two weeks back. That, and for some reason, you just couldn't explain some of your friends' reactions around you lately, said friends being the boys from the 104th. It's like a minute they're talking to you and the next they avoid you for no reason.  
   
It was starting to get on your nerves to be honest.  
   
Did you do something wrong?  
   
Well, you don't think you did, but you never know what's in those boys' minds now do you?  
   
Jumping off the last two steps of the staircase and walking for a few seconds, you were now standing in front of the wooden door that led to your lonely room. A scowl was plastered on your face as you pushed the door open with your now able hands and threw your jacket on your bed from the doorway before kicking the door shut and jumping into the hard mattress.  
   
You stared at the gray ceiling with your (e/c) pools, arms and legs spread out and your jacket crumpled beside you.  
   
Taking a short breath, you brought yourself up and walked over to your drawer to change out of your shirt and trousers. You wore them today hoping you could go training but since that went down the drain you might as well change into something else.  
   
Rummaging through your clothes, you spotted a white night gown Hanji gave you and you hurriedly discarded your clothes to slip onto the cool silk. It reached up until your knees, but then you thought it was still a bit too short so you went back to grab your white trousers and added them to your attire.  
   
Once done, you plopped back in bed, resuming your position of staring blankly at a boring gray hue.  
   
"What now?" You mumbled with a sigh.  
   
A headache has been plaguing you for the past week and right when you were finally allowed to join training. So naturally, you kept it from everyone and decided it would pass soon.  
   
Your routine was quick and simple. Wake up, take a bath and change into your uniform, eat breakfast, do some training, grab a bite for lunch, occasionally be on stable duty, clean the castle till the walls crumble to dust, a little more training, eat dinner, change into some night clothes and get back to bed immensely exhausted late at night, only to be woken up by a certain brunette, raven or beige, a few minutes till the sun rises up. Well... some days they didn't need to wake you up because the nightmare's already did.  
   
Point of the matter is, it was extremely unhealthy.  
   
And the fact that you never tried to slack off at whatever you did made your condition worse.  
   
To add some more icing onto the cake, four days ago you somehow managed to escalate the headache to a migraine and high fever that of course got caught in everyone's radar. At least it was only the fever now though as the injuries you sustained from your final evaluation exam and the day before have healed considerably.  
   
It was a little hard trying to get your slice techniques back in shape, but when you're training with the field's professionals, a few days tops were enough to get you in the top of your game.  
   
"(F/n)?"  
   
You brought your eyes to the doorway without moving your head then brought them back up to the stone above you. The wooden board was opened just a little bit, your best friend peeking in to your form.  
   
"What is it Ysa?"  
   
"What did Squad Leader Hanji say?"  
   
"Still can't train." You deadpanned.  
   
At this, the ravenette gave a small smile as she strode over to your bedside. Gray-blue eyes and pitch black hair blocked your wonderful view of the ceiling. Your frown deepened.  
   
"What?"  
   
"If you told us the first time, we could have prevented it you know." She smiled.  
   
"Ysa... don't. I've had enough scolding from Hanji and Erian." You groaned and took the pillow under your head to press it on your face. “Not to mention there was Eren, Armin, Connie, Reiner…” You trailed off.  
   
Ysavelle gave a small chuckle as she listened to you rant about everyone who reproached you and she sat down on the edge of the bed. You scooted over to the side so your friend could sit comfortably. After your companion brought her legs up on the white covers and sat cross-legged, a small conversation ensued between you too.  
   
“That’s it. I've had enough.” You spat.  
   
Ysavelle looked at you, urging you to continue although she probably knew what you wanted.  
   
“I’m going out of here.”  
   
“You can’t do that (F/n).”  
   
“Oh, I can.” You crossed your arms and eyed your 3DMG and harness on the corner of the room.  
   
Ysavelle followed the direction of your eyes and bit her bottom lip. As much as she’d like to give you some freedom, she didn't want your sickness to relapse. Truth be told, Hanji informed your friends earlier that you were already fine since yesterday, but you deserved the rest so she told you that you were sick just to keep you in bed for another day.  
   
“(F/n) I won’t let y—?!”  
   
Before your best friend could finish her sentence, you pushed your pillow hard onto her face and the shock caused her to lose balance so her back met with the mattress. Hopping off of your bed, you then grabbed your blankets and threw them on top of the raven before hurriedly grabbing you gear and making a dash to the door.  
   
You haven’t even gone a few steps down the staircase leading to the ground floor when you heard hasty footsteps through the hallways and the familiar voice of your friend calling for you.  
   
“(F/n)! Come back!”  
   
You bit your bottom lip and gripped your gear tighter before descending the stairs as fast as your bare feet could take you.  
   
Reaching the floor below, you were met with eyes of turquoise, sea blue and stoic gray just a small distance away. They seemed to be deep in conversation, probably discussing about training and whatnot. But whatever conversation they had was cut short as they heard someone shout.  
   
And then their eyes met your (e/c) ones as Ysavelle appeared on the landing leading to the last flight of steps.  
   
“(F/n)? What’s going on?” You heard Armin say.  
   
“Aren't you supposed to be in bed?” A boy with chocolate tresses looked at you with confusion.  
   
You were about to reply something but then before you could open your mouth someone else spoke up.  
   
“She’s trying to escape!” Ysavelle shouted in between pants, now slowly going down some steps to reach you. “Don’t let her go.”  
   
“We’ll see.” You sent a smirk her way and then eyed the three people in front of you who seem to have gotten a gist of what was going on.  
   
There weren't any windows nearby so your only chance of escape if to pass through the trio blocking your way and get to the main entrance. Gripping your gear tightly, you felt Ysavelle’s presence nearly behind you, but as she reached her hand out to touch you, you were already sprinting forwards and had passed through a certain blond and brunette.  
   
“(F/n)! It’s dangerous!” You heard a friend yell.  
   
But you already slammed the door open and was making a dash for the forest a good distance away from base. You heard some more shouting but you didn't need to turn around to know they belonged to Armin, Eren and Ysavelle. A fourth set of footsteps alarmed you though, and glancing back quickly, you saw a trace of red.  
   
If Mikasa was joining this, then you’d need to up your game a little.  
   
Taking a deep breath, you clutched your gear close and ran as far as you can into the forest, making random turns all the while and messing up your tracks so that it would be hard for people to trail you. Pretty soon, your 3DMG gear was beginning to slow you down and you needed some air too so you skidded to a stop near a small stream and looked back.  
   
Aside from the noises of a forest, everything else was silent.  
   
You squinted your eyes as you saw a slight movement in the bushes, but it disappeared after a while so you concluded it as probably just a mouse or something. For the short while you've been training here, you found out that there weren't any animals to watch out for so you didn't really have to worry about being attacked or something.  
   
After confirming that you weren't being followed anymore, you set your gear down and sat on the edge of the stream to dip your feet on the cold water. All that running really tired you out, but you knew you’d have to move soon because the possibility that your friends went back to base and asked for extra help was huge.  
   
You then smirked as you stretched the harness on your hands and began strapping yourself while keeping a close eye at the metal contraption beside you.  
   
You might not be a professional but that didn't mean you were bad with your gear.  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
Back at the Survey Corps Headquarters, it seems almost everyone has caught wind of your successful escape attempt and now a meeting was being held in the mess hall by your best friends and people from the 104th.  
   
The other members of the 105th were doing their daily cleaning regimes or helping squad leaders pass paperwork around. It wasn't a lie to say they would have loved to help, except they didn't particularly welcome stable duty for a month so they just settled for wishing you were fine.  
   
“How the heck did she outrun you four?” Connie muttered, crossing his arms and looking at the group of four in front of him. “I can understand the other three, but Mikasa was there.”  
   
“Well… (F/n) was always a fast runner.” Erian defended the four.  
   
“Just leave her be.” A beige haired boy then interrupted the frantic conversation. “If you lock her up that long, then it was only a matter of time.”  
   
“Well let’s go get her then.” A boy with an ashy-brown mop of hair said as turned around to start walking back to his room to retrieve his 3DMG gear.  
   
A hand stretched and pulled the boy back with the bottom on his shirt. “She might return soon.” Reiner spoke.  
   
“W-what do we do?” Bertholdt asked. “Shouldn't we tell Squad Leader Hanji?”  
   
“Tell shitty glasses what?” All eyes then turned to the stoic man that just made an entrance into the mess hall. By the look on his face, it was openly displayed that he wasn't in favor of these people skipping their duties. “No, never mind that. What the fuck do you brats think you’re doing?” He muttered darkly.  
   
“(F-F/n) ran away, sir.” Armin stuttered.  
   
At the sound of your name, Levi then gave a sigh. “So it’s ‘that’ brat again?”  
   
“Yes sir.” Eren gulped.  
   
Levi brought a hand up to rub comforting circles on his forehead.  
   
Lately, everything has always been about you and it was somehow annoying him. If Hanji wasn't talking about titans, then the conversation always steered to you and it was completely distracting since Hanji would rub it in his face that he was starting to take an interest in you—which is complete blasphemy if he says so himself.  
   
And if that wasn't enough, Levi had to deal with his subordinates that seemed to be completely smitten with you. It baffled him. Just what is it with you that made these brats so attached? The stoic man tried looking for answers but there were none he could think of.  
   
You were beautiful, he’d give you that (not that he’d admit it though), and you were somewhat skilled. But that wasn't enough of a basis to give him a piece of mind. You didn't have the best personality, but he wasn't really one to complain either. Plus, you sucked at cleaning (or maybe his standards were too high).  
   
In any case, to him you were just a brat that made life extra hard for him and he didn't like that.  
   
“Just leave that idiot and get back to your chores.” Levi muttered as he brought his hand away from his forehead and crossed his arms.  
   
Erian was about to retort back, but then the door to the mess hall opened, revealing a certain brunette squad leader that made Levi a little more agitated than usual.  
   
“What’s going on?” Hanji quipped with a bright smile as she walked to the people clustered near the corner.  
   
“It’s about—“  
   
“That shitty brat ran away or something.” Levi interrupted Erian who sent him a small glare that went ignored.  
   
“Who?” Hanji said.  
   
“Cadet (F/n) (L/n).” Levi answered disinterestedly.  
   
At the sound of your name, Hanji’s smile immediately reverted to a tight line and she furrowed her eyebrows slightly. She should have probably let you stay in her room instead of letting you go back to your quarters if this was going to happen. The people in front of her then started to chatter again about how to bring you back.  
   
“I told you to just leave the little shit alone.” Levi spoke up again, his foot now tapping impatiently on the stone flooring.  
   
“Well excuse me but that little shit is actually taller than you.” Someone spat, and all talk in the room stilled as a certain auburn haired girl crossed her arms and tried to send the deadliest glare she could to the captain. “(F/n) is my best friend and I’m looking for her whether you want to or not midget.”  
   
“E-Erian.” Armin called to the girl before she digs her own grave.  
   
Levi might have just snapped then and there, but before he could kill the girl, a woman had grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him around.  
   
“Let’s go look for her.” Hanji said in a hurry.  
   
“Go look for her yourself then.” Levi brushed her hands away but the woman just placed them back on his shoulders.  
   
“Please, Levi!”  
   
Everyone looked at the squad leader and at the very moment they saw her distressed face, they knew something bad was bound to happen soon. Needless to say, even the Lance Corporal was able to catch the drastic change in the brunette’s demeanor and he didn't like the desperation in her voice.  
   
Brushing Hanji’s hands away again, he stared her down. With a click of his tongue, the captain brought a thumb and index finger to rub the bridge of his nose.  
   
“What did you do this time shitty glasses?”  
   
“She’s not sick anymore.”  
   
“I know that.” Levi spat. “Just get to the point.”  
   
“Well… I just really wanted to give her some rest.”  
   
All eyes looked at the squad leader as she laced her hands together and took a short breath of air. Everyone’s expression turned to a serious note as they anticipated the brunette’s words.  
   
“I may… or may not have switched her cold medicine to sleeping pills.”  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
Speeding through the forest, you basked in the refreshing feel of the wind running through your messy (h/l) strands. You missed this feeling so much. Although it really made a difference when you were wearing your jacket because sometimes leaves would stick to your arms or branches would scratch your (s/c) skin lightly.  
   
You didn't have any room to complain though, because everything else was better than being bedridden.  
   
Taking a swift turn, you almost hit yourself flat on a tall tree but it was a good thing you were able to dodge it just in time and shoot your wires elsewhere.  
   
Normally you would have noticed that tree right away but for some reason that you couldn't understand, it appears that your senses have dulled a little bit. You could still manage yourself smoothly for the time being, but of course you couldn't deny the couple times you almost crashed and that wasn't a good thing.  
   
Stopping on a branch a couple meters up, you sat down on it, your legs dangling on each side of the sturdy wood as you let your back rest on the dampened bark of the tree you were on. You then placed your hand-grips on the dark brown surface between your legs and gave a sigh.  
   
You felt oddly out of it today.  
   
Everything was starting to blur but you shook your head and brought your two hands to slap your cheeks. You hissed at the impact you made on your face but you needed it. You could only imagine what Hanji and the others would do to you if you went back to base with broken limbs. Probably not let you go out of your room for a year.  
   
Well, that is if you could get back to base though.  
   
“Snap out of it.” You mumbled to yourself as you started rubbing your forehead.  
   
Your cheeks were now sore from the abusing you did to them, but pain was an effective way to snap a person back to his or her senses. A sudden movement from the branch next to you caught your attention but you felt too tired to even bother getting shocked. So moving your head to the side, you saw a bird that seemed to be looking at you.  
   
“Hey…” You gave a small smile and stretched your hand out.  
   
As if the bird understood you, it gave a small chirp and flew to your outstretched hand. The sharp claws of the avian were digging into your skin but it wasn't that hard enough to pierce through. Humming a soothing tune, you brought your hand back to you slowly so as not to startle the creature.  
   
Still, no matter how careful you tried to bring it near, the bird suddenly flew away from you and left you just watching it until the white animal disappeared into the vast greenery.  
   
“Yeah… well I never liked you too anyway.” You scoffed and laughed at your own childish behavior.  
   
When you were asked by a comrade to go to Squad Leader Hanji’s office, it was just after you ate breakfast alone in bed. So, if you slept in her office for about three hours more or less, then lunch hour would be coming not until two hours later, meaning you still had quite a lot of time to enjoy your freedom.  
   
As much as you didn't want to admit it, sooner or later you’d have to return back to the headquarters.  
   
And probably that time would be now because even you knew that there was something wrong with you and it would be for the best that you go back while you can still keep your eyes open.  
   
You pondered about the best way to go about things and decided that it would be a safe decision for you to get back to the ground and just walk. At least that way, if you find yourself crashing then it wouldn't really hurt that much rather than dropping from a tree and possibly having a better chance of getting a concussion.  
   
Standing up, you almost lost your balance as you felt a bit lightheaded.  
   
After doing a quick check of your gear and checking your gas, you gripped the handles on your hands and jumped. You were about to shoot your wires shortly after the jump, but then before you could even press on the handles, someone collided with you from the side and the next thing you knew it, you were being held on someone’s waist like some sort of baggage.  
   
“Are you fucking suicidal?”  
   
Your eyebrows furrowed as you recognized the voice quickly.  
   
“I asked you a question brat. Say something before I drop you.”  
   
You didn't want to answer, but then the stakes of being dropped by this guy were high. Taking a deep breath you tried to calm yourself down and hope your mouth wouldn't betray you and say something that would irk the man.  
   
You knew that the Lance Corporal didn't like you. He never said it himself but you could tell from the way he would stare you down that if you even went as far as to say hello to him, then you’d most likely be dead right now. Well you guess you didn't like him that much too so there were no hard feelings.  
   
“I’m waiting…”  
   
“Well maybe you could’ve let me shoot my wires first before drawing that conclusion.” You said through gritted teeth as you felt his grip on you loosen slightly only to tighten again.  
   
You hated the feeling of being treated like a towel hanging on a person’s arm, but not like you had a choice on the matter since you felt your eyelids drop. Forcing your eyes open, you cussed at yourself and tried to focus on the shrubbery beneath you that you were passing by.  
   
“Shitty glasses gave you sleeping pills.” Levi muttered from above you.  
   
“So that was why…” You yawned.  
   
“You better not fucking sleep on me or I’ll drop you.” The man threatened as he shot his wire on another tree.  
   
When he heard no answer from you, the captain retracted his wires and gracefully landed on a soft patch of grass to sit you down. As the man expected, you were already far beyond the threshold of dreams and something told him you weren't going to wake up until tomorrow since a certain brunette apparently gave you a really good dosage.  
   
The man wouldn't admit it but he was a little relieved to have found you. Since, before he and the others ventured into the forest, Hanji said the likelihood that you have crashed was high and for some reason Levi didn't like the thought of that.  
   
“Just what do they see in you?” Levi asked your unconscious form and sighed. "Those brats must be blind." He scoffed.  
   
Levi paused for a bit to stare at your peaceful face that turned to one of worry in an instant. Were you having a bad dream? Seeing this, the captain reluctantly put a hand to your soft (h/c) locks and started giving you a small pat every now and then. Pretty soon your face reverted back to an expressionless one and the stoic man stood from his position, only to bend back down to scoop you up.  
   
Giving another sigh he trudged back to the direction where he came, a small frown was on his face as he looked down on your sleeping features, your hands then gripped tightly on his shirt and Levi gave you a small glare before giving his full attention to the path in front of him.  
  
"Tch, I guess I'm blind as well then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of late, but here's an update! ^^  
> I'll work harder for the next updates to come faster!


	15. Between Reality and Dreams

“Erian?”  
   
Your eyes shot open as the word left your lips in a soundless whisper.  
   
Your room was enveloped in silence, other than the now erratic sounds of your breathing and the tapping of the rain on your window followed by the howls of midnight winds. Clouds covered the bright moon outside, resulting in a veil of darkness that rendered you blind temporarily. But you still knew.  
   
It was faint, barely audible.  
   
But you knew there was someone else in the room with you.  
   
Thunder clapped through the distance, which made you furrow your eyebrows as you remembered that early in the day before, you did your training basked in perfect weather conditions. No signs of a storm coming could have been predicted, but a storm was the least of your worries right now as you confirmed that the person in the room was not the cheery auburn girl that would invade your privacy early in the morning.  
   
Besides, it was still midnight or possibly very early in the morning. The pitch black surroundings confirmed that. None of your friends would wake you up at this hour, or maybe an appropriate description would be that none of them could wake you up because they were most likely still snoring in bed.  
   
The faint rustling of clothes could be heard as you lay perfectly still in bed.  
   
You tried narrowing your eyes as you clutched on your bed covers tight enough to rip them. After another moment of silence, you then closed your eyes and tried to level out your breathing, except the more you tried to calm down, the more agitated you became.  
   
Whoever was in the room with you right now was at the foot of your bed.  
   
You could have been wrong or maybe just paranoid, but unfortunately, you knew you were right and that scared you. Even if it was dark, you could feel it.  
   
And that feeling was familiar.  
   
Like the one you felt a few years back.  
   
The one where darkness became your only source of peace because whenever the light came in, you knew that meant you’d have to stifle back another sob and clutch your knees tighter as sounds of demented laughter echoed through the walls, followed right away by the rough cutting of flesh and cries that pounded on your once delicate ears.  
   
As you sensed eyes boring down on your fabricated sleeping form, your left hand slowly retracted its grip on your covers and slipped onto the pocket of your trousers to wrap around the base of a small dagger sheathed in a thick leather casing that you kept for safety purposes.  
   
You could not deny Devan’s point that sleeping with a weapon on your person was a bad thing, but at the current situation at hand, you really couldn't care less about anything at all.  
   
Someone’s breath hitched as you forced your eyes open, your stomach now swimming in circles as you gripped the small blade tighter and pulled it out a bit from your pocket.  
   
A shrill laugh erupted through the room as thunder clapped again. Only this time the distant sound was accompanied by the flash of lightning and you saw the color of unmistakable dull ochre staring directly at your widened (e/c) orbs.  
   
A moment of panic passed through you as you pulled the blade out of your pocket, the act simultaneously taking the sharp edged metal off of its casing. But you weren't fast enough because before you even knew what was going on, a hand had encircled itself onto your neck, your head then sinking a little bit on the hard mattress from pressure as you fought for air.  
   
Frantic hands left the sheets and the blade as you tried scratching away at the tight grip that was cutting your oxygen.  
   
“Found you.” A singsong voice resounded through the room as your head was forced deeper on your pristine sheets.  
   
Tears began to well at your eyes as you started thrashing around. Sadly, no matter how much you tried to wrench yourself away from the man pinning you down, your motions proved futile as the grip tightened more on your neck and you began letting out gasps and choking sounds.  
  
The man brought his other unoccupied hand up and pressed an index finger lightly on your paled quivering lips.  
   
“Shh…” He muttered, the tone he used felt like he was trying to console you. “Don’t cry.”  
   
Another flash of light filled the room as the cloudburst continued. One by one, tears rolled down your cheeks as you caught sight of a delirious grin that was brought upon by your useless struggling. Soon, your hands dropped limp on the blankets and your consciousness began to slowly slip away from your suffocating form. You then felt the finger on your lips retract itself, followed by a soft click of the tongue.  
   
A cold calloused hand then caressed your cheek, its thumb wiping away at the salty liquid dripping from your (e/c) pools as the other hand squeezed your neck tight enough to maybe snap it in two.  
   
“Save your tears for when I kill you, my dear...”  
   
Crazed laughter filled your ears, the said sound being the last thing you could remember as you blacked out.  
   
“(F/n).”  
   
You gripped the already crumpled sheets beneath you as your name resounded somewhere in the darkness shrouding you.  
   
“(F/n)?”  
   
Again… Someone was calling you but you could not match a face to the worried tone.  
   
“(F/n)!”  
   
Warm liquid made contact with your skin and you gasped, eyes abruptly opened themselves in a state of shock as you sat up on your bed, the springs beneath the mattress and your sudden movement creating a slight creaking noise as your thin blankets fell to your waist on your action.  
   
The faint smell of tea invaded your senses, your hair was dampened and dripping at the ends. A look of confusion etched itself onto your features as you stared at small dark brown clumps, of what you could only assume as crushed tea leaves, now decorating your person.  
   
“You did not just fucking—“  
   
Your head snapped to the direction of a vexed voice and a feeling of relief washed over you.  
   
Light flooded through the open window of your room as your sights landed on an auburn haired girl standing by the foot of your bed, hands balled up into fists and looking the most pissed off you've seen her as a beige haired boy stood nearby and held the outraged girl back by a tight grip on both her arms.  
   
“Relax, the tea wasn't hot enough to burn.” A monotone voice said.  
   
Another voice invaded your sense of hearing and you looked to your right to see the Lance Corporal standing on your bedside, except he was holding out a cup whose edges were letting droplets with a deep brown tint fall to your already stained bed covers.  
   
You had no idea what was going on right now, but when you tried to take a deep breath to think things through, your throat burned almost automatically from the hurried action, the feeling allowing you to grip the cloth on your chest as you started letting out a series of hacking coughs that further escalated the painful sensation by your neck.  
   
The bickering in the room stopped as eyes bore down on your form.  
  
It was hard to breathe.  
   
“(F/n)!” Hands gripped you by the shoulders as you gasped for air. “Calm down!”  
   
You wouldn't stop though. Water started pooling on the corners of your eyes as you began scratching your throat. You heard voices trying to talk to you, probably trying to stop you from hurting yourself or get you to breathe properly but you just blocked everyone out.  
   
But that was until you got your senses back again as your face was forced to look left, a painful throbbing then emanating from your right cheek.  
   
Devan’s hand was raised mid-air, a look of disgust on his features as his palm hurt from the impact he did to you. A certain two-tone haired boy took your best friend by the collar not long after the incident, but the beige haired boy focused all his attention on you while he brought his stinging hand to grab the ones stretching his military jacket.  
   
“Are you okay now?” Devan asked, ignoring the glares he got from a couple people in the room.  
   
No reply was heard.  
   
“(F/n). Answer me.”  
   
Your hands slowly untangled itself from your long-sleeved, light brown top, only to fall limp between your legs. You trained your eyes on the covers pooled on your lower half, (e/c) orbs studying every dip and crevice in the fabric as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Taking a calming surge of air inside you, you nodded your head at Devan’s question, yet your eyes still refused to look at anything but your bed sheets.  
   
Everyone in the room eyed each other before looking back at you.  
   
With the exception of three people, it was the first time that the others have ever seen you like this.  
   
It was when the sun had barely risen up that a tall olive-green eyed boy trudged by hallways on his way to the mess hall for breakfast with the other morning people of the Scouting Legion. But when he passed by a certain door, thoughts of a warm meal fled his system as the boy furrowed his eyebrows at the faint sound of hurried rustling of cloth matched with agitated breathing, the kind that felt like a person was choking.  
   
Looking to the left, Bertholdt knew right away who the wooden door led to. The boy was a little reluctant at first, but after an internal debate had decided to check up on a certain (h/c) girl to sate the worry bubbling in the pit of his stomach.  
   
“(F-F/n)?” Bertholdt called from outside the door, but no one answered so he concluded that you were probably still fast asleep.  
   
Taking a deep breath, the tall boy placed a palm on the wooden surface and gave a slight push, opening the door just enough for him to poke his head through and scan the area.  
   
Nothing was amiss, or at least nothing seemed to be because the guy has never been to your room once. But then the moment the boy laid his eyes on your form, he knew that something was wrong. Worry shot through forest green pools as he ran over to your bedside to try and wake you up from what seemed to be a nightmare.  
   
And yet no matter how much the person shook you or called your name to the point of near-shouting, you still wouldn't open your eyes.  
   
Panic-stricken, your superior left your room in a hurry to head to the mess hall and get anyone that could try to wake you up. To his luck, Bertholdt spotted your best friends eating silently in a table with his other friends and after a quick conversation, has led to the current situation at hand.  
   
On the way here, they met with the captain being pestered by a brunette squad leader.  
   
And things somehow panned out from there.  
   
“What happened?”  
   
After a calming silence and getting used to the eyes observing your slightly shaking form, you looked up from white hues to catch the worried stare of a brown eyed brunette.  
   
“Hanji…” You muttered. “I… There was…”  
   
A hand was then stretched out to place comforting circles on your back, the act doing well to douse the threatening sob to escape your lips. After a while and sensing that your breathing has gone back to normal, the brown eyed squad leader sat beside you, her weight causing the bed to dip a little to her side.  
   
Hanji took a deep breath that matched your own and craning her neck back a little, she bit her bottom lip. Hesitantly, the squad leader took her hand away from your back and no less than a moment later, deft fingers brushed lightly on the nape of your neck, the action causing you to flinch and hurriedly slap her hand away with terror visible in your eyes.  
   
“(F/n)…?” You heard Ysavelle’s tranquil voice and your eyes averted itself from the brunette on your bed to a girl standing near. Blue-gray eyes were filled with confusion but a reassuring smile was on your best friend’s face.  
   
“It’s just… one of those dreams.” You weakly said, eliciting a nod from the female.  
   
“Do you... umm… get these often?” A boy with emerald green eyes spoke up, causing you to look over to the mop of chocolate brown hair and give a curt nod with a small smile.  
   
There were a variety of individuals inside your room now that you think about it, most of which looked at you with relief while others still settled for worry.  
   
It was silent for a while, and not that you didn't mind, but it was getting uncomfortable the more the seconds ticked by. You didn't want to break it though, because you hadn't the faintest idea what to even say and that happened to be the case for almost everyone else in the room right now.  
   
“I never would have guessed you’ll stain the sheets Levi.”  
   
Everyone in the room looked over to Hanji who was sitting beside you, a cheeky grin on her features as she sat back, her palms pressed onto your bed.  
   
“Tch, if I didn't do that, the brat wouldn't wake up shitty glasses.”  
   
_‘Are they trying to lighten up the mood?’_  You inwardly said as a small smile crossed over your features when you pondered on the thought.  
   
“Anyway.” Hanji quipped, ignoring Levi’s insult like she always did. “Looks like you’ll have to sleep in a different room tonight (F/n).”  
   
You looked at the squad leader with a raised eyebrow. “If it’s about the stain… I could just wash the sheets and air the mattress.” You muttered.  
   
“Oh, but a storm will come later in the day so even if you wash them now it wouldn't dry fast enough.” Hanji said almost as if she was desperate for something. “Now that I think about it, why don’t we all sleep together tonight?”  
   
“What the fuck Hanji?” You heard a certain foul mouthed captain say.  
   
Everyone else in the room looked at each other with muddled expressions, a variety of colored orbs hopping from one person to another to maybe find an answer. Clearly, no one knew what was in the squad leader’s head and nobody really wanted to know if given the chance.  
   
“We could clear the meeting room or use the medical wing.”  
   
“Squad leader Hanji… if this is about me then—“  
   
“Oh it’s not just about you (F/n).” The brunette laughed as she looked at you, her eyes having a happy glint to them. “It’s for all of us. There was a meeting yesterday about an expedition by the end of next month.”  
   
“Why are you bringing that up?” Levi said in an annoyed tone.  
   
“Come on Levi! We need to spend more time with each other since you never know if we’ll get the chance to do so again.”  
   
“Still… a sleep over would be a little…” You heard Armin start.  
   
“Fun?” Eren finished, though it was obvious that the word wasn't the one that Armin intended to end his sentence with.  
   
Erian wanted to protest, knowing you needed some rest and how much you didn't like it when people saw you in the midst of a nightmare, but before she could say anything, you reached out from your position to grab the end of her pale yellow shirt, the action somehow giving her the message that you were fine with the idea.  
   
The people in the room seemed enthusiastic about the idea brought upon by the squad leader, though of course some still were against the idea because it would be like invading your privacy and you always struck them as a person who enjoyed what little alone time she had.  
   
“I wouldn't really mind.” You said reluctantly. “Besides, I don’t want to sleep in a wet mattress.”  
   
Levi furrowed his eyebrows a bit at your statement and gave a sigh. “Erwin’s not going to approve of this you shitheads.”  
   
“We’ll see.” Hanji said in a singsong voice that irked the stoic man.  
   
Pretty soon, the tense atmosphere that once crowded your room was reduced to friendly chatter or bickering, whichever way you want to see it, and some of the girls of the 104th came over to you to ask what the dream was about (which you told them the details vaguely) or if you needed help cleaning or to say sorry on behalf of everyone for just barging into your room.  
   
You dismissed all of their apologies and decided that you've had enough of tea stained sheets so you got up from your bed, distaste on your features as you flicked away a speck of crushed brown leaves from your (s/c) skin and you walked over to your drawer to grab a towel and your necessities for your usual morning agenda.  
   
Some of the boys inside the room had a slight red tint to their cheeks as Hanji ushered them out, a certain corporal having a scowl and two of your best friends gave you a bright smile, while the more stoic of the two gave you a simple ‘see you at breakfast’ before he closed the door.  
   
Now left by yourself again, you traced the spot Hanji touched on the back of your neck a while back and a shiver ran through your spine when almost long-forgotten memories resurfaced in your head. That dream also felt authentic enough that you considered maybe what transpired in that darkness was real.  
   
But you were alive weren't you?  
   
If the man that haunted our dreams really did find you, then you wouldn't be breathing at this very moment right? After all, he wouldn't benefit from that, but he wouldn't benefit from killing you either.  
   
You guess that’s why the man was labeled a lunatic in the first place.  
   
“You’re in a safe place now.” You muttered to yourself as you gripped the soft towel closer to your form.  
   
After what seemed like a couple minutes of reassuring yourself that everything was just a bad dream and you were in a better place now, you then gave a small sigh as you walked over to open the wooden door of your room to go to the girl’s bathrooms and take a quick shower in hopes to wash away all the tea, and quite possibly all your troubles as well, and leave them long forgotten down the drain.  
   
The rest of the day ensued as it normally would have on a day to day basis.  
   
Fresh out from a cold yet soothing bath, a good breakfast restarted your day, accompanied with lively chatter from your friends who seemed to have put the events of what happened earlier way into the back of their minds.  
   
Of course, that wasn't the case at all.  
   
But the sort time you were away to clean yourself up, everyone had this silent agreement that talking about your dreams was a definite no. So the moment you pushed through the doors of the mess hall, they started to converse on useless things, anything really, as long as they don’t get to see such an unsettled expression from you again.  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
Standing on a tree branch, you inspected the cut you did on the massive wooden being in front of you.  
   
“Tch.” You muttered. “I missed the foam.”  
   
You were currently training, just the usual 3DMG one that didn't differ so much from the one you did back when you were still a trainee. Although today you were a little out of sorts as your cuts would always either be shallow or you’d miss the nape completely and cut through wood instead.  
   
It was the fifth time you've done this, though if you talked about the shallow cuts then you've done about seven, which means you would have died twelve times over if you were currently in an expedition outside the walls.  
   
The last of your spare blades were equipped on your hand grips, as the others have either been dulled by being forced through hard wood, or broken to bits by a wrong slice technique that was very unusual on your part.  
   
Having enough of looking at another one of your failures, you then sped off deeper into the forest to look for more wooden boards.  
   
You lost track of how long you've been here in the forest and since your failure of a training started, but from the dull purples and bright yellows erupting from the distant skies in the horizon, you could pretty much tell that it was already late in the afternoon, and that meant you skipped lunch again for the fourth time this week.  
   
Except today you purposely hid from your friends so they couldn't drag you back into the mess hall to eat food you’ll only throw up later when no one is looking.  
   
A sudden movement from the tree next to you, followed by the sound of wires retracting, broke your thoughts from the nightmare you just recently experienced and you jerked your head to the side, an eyebrow raised as (e/c) eyes widened a fraction when you saw a familiar raven set herself down on a branch perpendicular to yours.  
   
“You missed lunch again.” Ysavelle stated.  
   
“How did you find me?” You asked, crossing your arms as you planted your feet firmly on the wood beneath the soles of your boots.  
   
The ravenette just gave you a small smile and jabbed a thumb behind her.  
   
In mere seconds, the whirring of gears succeeded by the sound of wires being shot was heard. Two people then came into your field of view, one was an auburn haired girl who smiled at the sight of you and the other was a stoic beige haired boy that focused on his landing spot, which was a branch on the same tree you were situated at.  
   
When all four of you were stable and secure on your footing, Ysavelle then gave you a reassuring smile.  
   
“It’s easy to trail you with all the evidence you leave behind.” The raven said.  
   
“Evidence?” You questioned.  
   
All three of your best friends looked at each other with subtle worry before Erian leaned her back on the trunk of the tree she was on and crossed her arms. “Weren't you the one responsible for those kinds of cuts?” She said, the words causing you to cringe at the memory of your disappointing performance.  
   
“I did them.” You said with clear frustration on your tone.  
   
“What happened?” Erian then said.  
   
“Training happened.” You muttered with a sigh as you reinserted your blades back into their slots.  
   
“You know what she means (F/n).” Devan said from a branch on your left.  
   
You then ran a hand through your (h/l) tresses and gave a deep sigh. You could pretty much talk your way out of anyone, but when it concerns a certain three, then you knew you had no choice in the matter because even if you tried your best to evade their questions, eventually you’d have to tell them or they’ll find out on their own.  
   
“Just the usual.” You said, not really enthusiastic about revisiting that vivid dream.  
   
“That didn't feel like the usual though.” Ysavelle muttered from where she was stationed at. “You usually wake up from it on your own, or the moment we do so much as touch you. Earlier, no matter what we did you wouldn't open your eyes (F/n). Well… that was until Captain Levi doused you with his early morning tea.”  
   
You bit your bottom lip and tried to suppress the feeling of running away from this interrogation as a small silence enveloped your little group up above in the lush green trees.  
   
“I died.” You simply said, barely above a whisper but the words were still picked up by your friends.  
   
“You don’t die on your nightmares (F/n).” Erian said after a quick silence. “From what you tell us, it’s either a replay of what happened when you were in captivity, or meeting the guy again… but this is the first time you've mentioned being killed in the dream.”  
   
“Just because I haven’t died in a previous dream doesn't mean I can’t.” You answered back, irritation clearly strung with each word spoken.  
   
“We should get back soon.” Devan interrupted.  
   
As soon as the beige haired boy said those words, you were already speeding back up to the direction of the base, leaving your three friends no choice other than to follow you and drop the conversation where you left it, hopefully never to be picked up again in the latter days of your life.  
   
Dropping on the ground that marked the opening of the forest used for 3DMG training, you gave a grunt at your none too perfect landing (another one to mark as a failure for today), and started walking back to the large patch of dried soil making up your training ground for hand to hand combat practices.  
   
Shortly after you've taken a few steps since landing, your best friends caught up with you and some members of the 104th started to emerge from the greenery as well, some leaving comments on the other’s performances while a certain two tone haired boy and brunette bickered about who did better.  
   
A couple ways away from the mess hall, you saw the figure of a woman with an eager grin on her face as she waved an arm around and started calling you over, the short man standing beside her acted the complete opposite with a scowl that marked his usually impassive features and arms crossed like he usually has them.  
   
“We’re using the meeting room tonight.” Hanji said in a near squeal as soon as you were in earshot.  
   
All talk leveled down to a minimum and you just gave a small smile.  
   
Was this really a good idea?  
   
And how, in all the walls, did the lance corporal himself agree to this?  
   
Well, no matter what the case, you couldn't ask anymore as the all too enthusiastic brunette dragged you by the wrist inside the mess hall for a quick dinner before once again dragging you up a couple steps to a room by the end of the hallways a floor above your sleeping quarters. Of course, that was only after you all had gotten rid of your gear and military jackets in your respective rooms.  
   
When Hanji gave a push to double doors that led to where you will spend the night in, you stood there by the door, reluctant to get inside and even thought of backing out, because in all honesty, this was a meeting room formally used by the commander himself along with the other elites of the Scouting Legion. Yet now to be reduced to a lowly bedroom, that didn’t sound nice at all.  
   
A hand then grabbed you by the wrist to pull you inside the spacious room that looked about triple the size of yours.  
   
A long table that probably was the centerpiece of the place was pushed to the side by some bookshelves, wooden chairs that came with it then stacked up against the other on a corner of the room. It was a modest room, one that didn’t even have any windows in it. Thankfully, Hanji brought two lamps with her to light the room up, said things now placed on top of the table you saw earlier.  
   
Just by giving a quick review of the expanse before you, you concluded that the space could easily fit everyone rounded up for this sleep over and there was enough space for a comfortable good night’s rest.  
   
“Alright cadets!” Hanji said playfully as she walked over to bundles of green collected at a corner of the room. “We’re sleeping in this.” The squad leader picks one green bundle up and tossed it over to you, which you barely caught with your two hands.  
   
It was a sleeping bag, like the ones you used to carry through the mountain tracks when you were still in training, those that came with bags that seemed to be made for the purpose of breaking your back.  
   
“It’s been so long since we slept in one of these.” Sasha said with a happy tone, her eyes giving away the idea that she was reminiscing about something.  
   
“Yeah, brings back memories.” Connie commented as he picked up his own green bundle.  
   
When everyone got their own makeshift beds for the night, everyone started claiming a spot in the room. You of course, not wanting to join the blunder, settled for the spot near a wall that was opposite the one where the door was at.  
   
It was not a surprise that your best friends had to put their sleeping bags beside yours. They were always like that, and not that they hated it either because they were okay with sleeping anywhere as long as they got to keep a close eye on you.  
   
Soon everyone had a settled down on the floor, but still out of their soon-to-be cocoons as they settled for small conversations.  
   
Hanji and Levi were the nearest to the door, the stoic man standing and leaning against the table as the brunette tried to engage conversation with the disinterested and rather irate man.  Sasha and Connie were talking about some things with Jean, all three deciding to sleep together in the middle of the room. Ymir and Krista were sitting, leaning their against the vacant wall adjacent yours and the door, sleeping bags stretched open by their sides as they talked idly. Eren, Armin and Mikasa decided on a spot near your group’s, needless to say, the trio will sleep side by side. Lastly, Reiner and Bertholdt settled on a corner, just having small banter about the training that occurred earlier in the day.  
   
This was somehow amusing for you, probably because it’s been a long time since you've slept with this many people, the first times being the ones at the girl’s dorms back at the training camp.  
   
But of course no matter how much you wanted the moment to last, you've overexerted yourself with training, so a little into the conversation of gear maintenance that you were having with your best friends, you excused yourself and slipped onto warm green fabric, turning your back around to face the wall and closing your eyes for better rest this time around.  
   
Even after you have gone deep into the throes of sleep, people in the room still didn't cease their talks, but of course they did mind you and kept their voices to a minimum.  
   
“How the fuck did you even get Erwin’s approval?”  
   
One sentence from Levi caused all chatter to stop, eyes turned over to a woman who was sitting cross-legged on the floor with her back against the polished wood of the tightly shut door.  
   
To be honest, everyone was curious, because no matter what angle you tried to look into this, the commander wouldn't have agreed on having this kind of event without blackmail in the picture if that was even possible.  
   
“Mhmm…” Hanji hummed, trying to look like she was thinking of an answer when she clearly has it. “I can assure you I didn't feed him anything bad nor did I use any underhanded means.”  
   
“That doesn't answer the question shitty glasses.”  
   
Hanji looked over to your sleeping form and gave a sigh as she peeled herself off of the wall and walked over to you. Curious eyes followed the squad leader’s every step until she was kneeling by your head, a palm now ruffling through your soft tousled locks and her face shifting from one of enthusiasm to a subtly serious one.  
   
“I will tell you.” Hanji then said as she listened to the soft breathing you gave off. “And you have the choice to tell her but I suggest that you don’t.”  
   
“What do you mean?” Erian muttered as she eyed your sleeping form.  
   
Hanji then gave her a somewhat sympathetic smile as the woman retracted her hands from your head to push down the soft layered green fabric encasing your back, as well as the back of the collar of your bleached white button-up shirt.  
   
Silence enveloped the room as eyes stared on a certain spot on the back of your neck, one that would be hard to see even with the help of a mirror.  
   
“It wasn't a dream.”  
   
Hanji’s voice was the only one heard throughout the room as the woman pulled back the fabric of your sleeping bag to conceal ugly purplish bruise marks that marred your once unmarked (s/c) skin.  
   
“(F/n) was attacked earlier at dawn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✖ A/N: Sorry that it's been a while! I should be able to update again over the weekend! Thanks again for reading! ^^'


	16. These Unexpected Situations

“Are you guys hiding something from me?”   
  
You were staring at the group of flustered boys in front of you. Your palms pressed firmly on the wooden surface of a table as you leaned in on them and your (e/c) hues scanning their features in a near glare manner.    
  
“W-what? No...” A blond haired boy answered with a nervous smile, sea blue eyes averting your gaze as you stared him down. “We’re not (F/n).”   
  
“Yeah… why would you think that?” A boy with a buzz cut added.   
  
You mentally rolled your eyes at the obvious lies the boys of the 104th told, and after a little while of looking at colored orbs that wouldn't meet your own vibrant pools, you took your hands off of the table in favor of crossing your arms in defeat. A look of distress was visible on your face as you realized that you weren't going to get anything out of these boys again for the fifth time this week.   
  
“Is it something so bad you can’t trust me?” You muttered under your breath as you looked to the side.   
  
Those words were meant for your ears only, but the boys were still able to pick up what you said loud and clear despite the ongoing ramblings in the mess hall. With a disappointed look on your face, you then steered clear of their table to go join your best friends enjoying a warm lunch at the other side of the room.   
  
Eyes bore down on your retreating back, a look of irritation or subtle guilt painting the faces of the people who lost your presence, but you were too annoyed right now to look back and confirm if they really were looking at you so you trudged on.   
  
“I’ll try again tomorrow.” You sighed to yourself.   
  
It has been a week since that sleep over you did with all of your friends, in the Scouting Legion’s meeting room. And after that day, you swear your friends have been acting somewhat strange.   
  
Well, I guess strange wasn't an accurate description since everyone was basically the same every day. Same old greetings when you pass each other on the halls, typical chatter about titans with Hanji, relentless cleaning chores from Captain Levi, the usual reassuring smiles and pats on your back from the 104th when you feel like crap from a hard day at training, your best friends’ trailing you at 3DMG exercises despite your cuts becoming considerably top notch.   
  
It’s the secrets.   
  
You didn't graduate as the top of the batch for being stupid.   
  
There’s something they’re hiding from you.   
  
But what it is exactly? You guess you’ll never know.   
  
Though if there is one thing you could point out from all of this, then everyone’s suspicious behavior around you has probably got something to do with the time you woke up from that sleep over and was met with the sudden announcement of swapping rooms for everyone in the Survey Corps excluding the higher ups of the faction.   
  
What’s more, because of your incredible damn luck, for some reason the room you got was situated on the east wing of the headquarters—the part of the base teeming with the veteran elites of the place.   
  
“Not eating again today?”   
  
A voice snapped your attention back from where it was wandering and you realized you were already standing in front of table where your three best friends were eating on. As usual, a beige haired boy sent you a nod to acknowledge your existence, a girl with a messy bun of raven giving you a wave as she scooped up some soup, and there was the auburn girl sitting by the edge who was talking to you.   
  
“Not in the mood.” You spat as you took your seat beside the male on the table.   
  
Erian simply gave you a smile as she took her untouched bread and tore it in half, throwing a piece to you without warning so you had no choice but to catch the meal before it goes to waste on the floor.   
  
“What part of ‘not in the mood’ did you not understa—“   
  
“(F/n), trust us.” The auburn girl interrupted your sentence. “We’re doing this for you.”   
  
You scoffed, looked to the side, yet still drew the bread in your hands to your lips for a harsh bite. The girl sitting across from you, which was Ysavelle, merely gave you a look of apology with a knowing smile, eyes trying to tell you the message to not pry any further because you wouldn't like what you’d get.   
  
“Look, just tell me. It’s not like it’s going to damage my mentality…”   
  
You trailed off for a while and took the water Devan offered from his tray for a quick drink. Setting the cup back down you then contemplated on whether or not you should finish the sentence. You thought there wouldn't be any harm in it so you opened your mouth to speak again.   
  
 “It already is, if you didn't know.” You stated.  
  
“(F/n) that’s not…”   
  
You slammed a hand onto the table and stood up abruptly, the swift action causing a ravenette to stop mid-sentence as she flinched with the girl beside her. People inside mess hall also stopped their chagrin to look at you as Devan, who was sitting beside you, looked up to meet your (e/c) eyes and gave a sigh.   
  
“I want to tell you.” The beige haired boy began as his hands formed into fists. “But as much as I want to, I don’t have to. If you didn't get it from Erian, we’re doing this for you. So could you just fucking shut up and let us be selfish for once?”   
  
“Devan!” Erian shouted, reaching across from her spot to grab the boy by the collar.   
  
By now the mess hall had become silent, the only sounds heard, being the ones that erupted from your table.   
  
“Let go of me, Erian.”   
  
“Apologize to (F/n)!”   
  
“G-guys, let’s calm down okay?” A raven girl stopped eating to pull the two away without much success.   
  
“Let go!”   
  
“NO!”   
  
Your friends bickered in front of you, while you kept that glare in your eyes but this time you just stared down and refused to meet the stares anyone in the room. For the first time in a couple years, you genuinely felt like crying. I mean, sure, Devan was like your little brother and you’d fight a lot, but not to a degree like this.   
  
You’re in the wrong too, in more ways than one. But it wasn't your fault you had to keep things from your friends, right?   
  
You did promise yourself that someday everyone will know about what happened to you. Heck, your best friends knew everything, it’s those of the 104th that didn't. Was Devan trying to speak up for them too?   
  
But whatever the case, there are things you just can’t say so easily because it’s been almost 6 years since you experienced life’s own version of hell, which doesn't even include those fucking titans and you’re still being plagued by nightmares that have become so repetitive you’d memorize every single detail of it.   
  
And without further ado, you snapped.   
  
“Well excuse me for being such a secretive shit.” You said through gritted teeth, every fiber in your person trying to restrain the shout wanting to escape your throat as your hands clutched the bottom of your shirt tightly.   
  
Without another second to spare for another reply or a comeback, you left the mess hall silently, slipping past the door to shut it back fast. You then lingered by the wooden board, back pressed flush against the clear polish of the material as you tried to reflect on your behavior seconds before. After a quick minute, you then took a deep breath to calm your nerves and set off to get your gear from your somewhat newly assigned room.   
  
Your feet padded by the empty hallways, every two steps accentuated with a sigh as you basked in the lonely space around you.   
  
The anger bubbling up your stomach seconds ago had subsided rather quickly the further you delved into the castle. Your once glaring eyes now softened as you hummed with the rhythm your feet were making.   
  
You never really could get angry for a long time (well, aside from a certain deranged man. That certain person, confidently, you could honestly hate until the day you die and thereafter).   
  
Chuckling at your contradictory statements, you passed by some of the offices to get to your room and took notice of the eerie silence surrounding you.   
  
It was really different without the military officials around.   
  
You didn't know the reason why, but for some urgent need, the commander embarked for Sina with the other higher ups just a little before the sun rose up, and it’s for what they called ‘an important meeting’.   
  
In any case, with the absence of the commanding officers, people from the 104th, most of whom you found out belonged under a Special Operation’s Squad operated by Captain Levi himself, were tasked with maintaining order and facilitating training activities to be done by you rookies.   
  
A couple steps later, you reached your room, but before you could even open it, a voice spoke up.   
  
“You okay?”   
  
You tensed up for a while, before looking to the left and giving a nod.   
  
“Nn…” You replied. “Definitely fine.”   
  
“If I didn't know you better I would have thought so.”   
  
You shifted your body to the right, to face a light caramel haired girl leaning by the wall a couple inches next to your door. She was wearing her 3DMG already, probably wanting to get some action in the forest like you were planning to do. A bright smile was plastered on her face as she looked at you.   
  
“You don’t even know half of me Blanche.” You said, the words sounding a little bit harsh than intended.   
  
The girl who was in front of you simply shrugged at your statement. “Yeah, I know. But you’re my friend and I at least know how to tell your emotions apart no matter how you try to hide them.”   
  
You raised an eyebrow at the girl’s statement and proceeded to open the door to your room.   
  
After a few moments of standing past the door way in silence, you then looked back to your comrade who looked a little conflicted at the moment.   
  
“Do you want to come in?” You asked.   
  
“Is that okay?” The girl shifted her footing a little.   
  
“I wouldn't have asked if it wasn't.” You smirked, and the girl did the same, her brown eyes having a little glint to them as she allowed herself into your room and you closed the door.   
  
After a little bit of conversation here and there, you were nearly done with strapping yourself up and checking your gear. Every so often you’d look back to the girl accompanying you, but she never left that position by the window, elbows resting on the windowsill and head on top of her palms as she stared outside.   
  
As soon as you finished checking your gas, Blanche drew herself away from the window and looked at you.   
  
“Let’s go.” Blanche gestures to the window and you tilt your head to the side.   
  
“This is the third floor.” You said.   
  
“And this is Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear.” The girl with chocolate colored eyes spoke.   
  
And that was the last thing you heard of the light caramel mopped girl before she threw herself out of the window and the next thing you knew it, the sounds of hooks shooting was heard. You huffed a bit, gripping the handles of your gear tight before following suit, jumping far from the ledge of the window to face the wall and shoot your wires on it then you started skidding down the flat stone.   
  
“We could have just gone through the main entrance.” You said as soon as you landed next to your friend.   
  
“But you don’t really want to meet anyone else, do you?” Blanche smiled.   
  
You smiled back in surrender, a small laugh leaving both of your lips as you two started a small trek to the forest a few minutes’ walk away from base.   
  
Reaching the opening of the massive woodland before you, you both nodded at each other and set off, the two of you not being apart by anything more than two meters away as you zipped by trees and evaded branches that stretched out as if it wanted to stop you.   
  
There were those wooden titans sprawled out in every turn you took, but the point of this rendezvous wasn't to waste your energy on the apparent killing of inanimate objects. There was simply a need for some time off from standardized practices.   
  
And that break was something you and Blanche both needed right now.   
  
People in the 105th and practically everyone else in the legion had such high expectations for both of you that sometimes you are astonished by how you two could still stand with all the weight everyone’s pressing on your shoulders.  
  
"(F/n), follow me." Blanche's voice called out to while matching your pace. Those three words doing well to wipe the frown on your face as you remembered everyone’s hopeful stares.  
  
“I’ll be right behind you.” You gave her a smile and she nodded back at you.   
  
The two of you sped off into who knows where, but you trusted Blanche enough to know that wherever she’s leading you won’t be your end.   
  
After a little while of blurry green scenes, your companion retracted her wires and began a quick descend. Following the girl’s lead, you did the same but with utmost caution. Landing safely on the ground, you then looked around you, your eyes widening as you saw a crystal blue lake that was spread on a good stretch of land.   
  
“Damn.” You muttered, glancing back to the girl who seemed pleased at your reaction.   
  
“I saw this a little while back when we started training here.” Blanche said, her eyes showed a glint of sadness in them as she spoke. “It’s nice to see when you feel bad.”   
  
You gave her a nod and looked back onto the glistening surface situated in front of you. It was really beautiful, and that was probably still an understatement because if you really had to describe the scenery before you then you would simply just stand there and say nothing.   
  
It was too good for words.   
  
Your thoughts were then brought back to you by the crunching of dried leaves. Giving your friend a glance, you then remembered her last statement.   
  
“Is something bothering you Blanche?” You asked.   
  
“Hnn…” The girl hummed and thought for a while. Her copper hair turned a little shade golden as the rays of the sun shone on them. “Well yes, and no.” She admitted. “But I went here with you to show you, it’s not for me this time… I mean, life has been pretty much crap lately. Figured you’d need something to cheer you up?”   
  
“Well it’s working.” You shot a smile her way.   
  
“It better be.” Blanche returned your smile as she grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the lake.   
  
You hummed in satisfaction as you dipped your feet onto a cold yet soothing liquid, your palms pressed onto the ground as you stretched your back a bit, a soft groan escaping your lips as you popped a few joints here and there. Bringing your hands back up to your lap, you then looked at the girl beside you, her brown eyes looking into the distance in a trance.   
  
You brought a finger up to tap her shoulder.   
  
“Blanche?” You muttered.   
  
“Something wrong?” The girl asked you as she peeled her eyes away from the scenery to face you.   
  
“I should be the one asking that.” You said with a raised eyebrow.   
  
“Just got a lot on my mind is all.” The girl gave a fake smile that you completely saw through.   
  
You were about to ask a couple more things, but then you saw the way your friend’s eyes were trying to give you the message to drop the subject. With a little sigh, you faced back into the open splayed right in front of you and just kicked your feet in the water some more, trying not to mind how the ends of your trousers were being soaked wet the more you plunged your feet deeper in the water.   
  
“I have a lot on my mind too.” You said after a short while.   
  
Blanche plainly smiled at your words and stretched her arm out to give a tight squeeze to your mud streaked hand that rested on the ground beside you.   
  
You took notice of the stinging cold your friend was giving off with her touch, but you shrugged the matter away and squeezed back. The two of you were stuck in that position for quite a bit, and you thought you could have gone on like that for a little while more, but then you heard a faint sound and looking back you saw a streak of green erupting from the tops of the trees and shooting high up to the sky.   
  
“Guess they’re calling us.” You quipped when the line of green started to blur and dissipate into nothing.   
  
“How long were we out?” Blanche muttered, only then letting go of your hand and standing up from her spot to slip her boots back into her dampened skin.   
  
You merely shrugged at your companion’s question, not knowing the answer yourself, and then proceeded to push yourself up from your sitting position to fling your feet away from the edge of the lake and back on to solid ground.   
  
After a little bit of trying to fix yourselves up, hopping from branch to branch and picking leaves from your colored tresses, you and Blanche emerged from the forest, laughing together as you talked about the many blunders you and your batch mates have encountered during your training years.   
  
All your laughter died however, the very moment you spotted a certain group of people near the door leading to the mess hall, shades of (e/c) squinting ever so slightly as you remembered why you went to the forest in the first place.   
   
You weren't angry, just… it was never easy to fix a fight and you had no idea how to start apologizing.  
  
Grabbing a hold of Blanche’s arm, you turned a quick left to find another entrance to the castle, preferably the main entrance or the one way behind the base if you had to. Of course, things don’t always come the way you want it to because you haven’t even taken half a step more to your destination when you were attacked behind by a teary eyed hazel girl who wrapped her arms tightly on your waist and buried her face on the small of your back.   
  
You gave a tired sigh, a light caramel haired girl laughed by your side as you tried to pry away the hands clasping to your form.   
  
“Erian, let go.” You ordered.   
  
The only response given to you was the girl shaking her head side to side, forehead still pressed onto the back of your faded gray shirt.   
  
“You’re acting like a child.” You teased.   
  
Still no response was heard.   
  
With another deep sigh, you glanced back at where the auburn girl came from and spotted a beige haired boy trying to not meet your gaze. A girl with pitch black strands was standing beside the boy, her hands moving in a small reluctant wave to you.   
  
“Well…?” You said a little louder for the two in the distance to hear. “Are you not going to help me or do you want me to force myself up the stairs with this girl dragging behind me?”   
  
Ysavelle’s eyes lit up and she looked at the seemingly annoyed male beside her. Without any words spoken, the raven haired girl hooked her arm with the boy’s and walked with purpose to where you were standing.   
  
“You wouldn't do that, would you?” Ysavelle said as soon as she was a meter’s distance away.   
   
“I could try.” You shrugged.   
  
You felt Erian’s grip on you become tighter, the force of her hold not doing anything to relieve the feel of your maneuver gear weighing you down and rooting you to the ground. Suddenly, you felt lighter, the hands forming a belt on your waist had disappeared and you looked back to see Devan holding the girl away from you.   
  
“About what happened earlier…” Devan began.   
  
You dismissed the matter with a wave of your hand, a smile on your face as you brought your hand back down only to form it into a fist and send a fast punch to the guy who was speaking. You weren't able to land a hit however, when your fist was caught midway.   
  
“Nothing happened earlier.” You muttered.  
   
“…Yeah.” Devan said after a short while. “Nothing at all.”   
  
Your best friend then dropped his hold on you which you greatly appreciated, and the five of you went back inside the castle as if a fight had never occurred in the first place. Erian still fought the urge to cling on to you, as she was always the more agitated whenever you would disappear without her knowledge or anyone else’s. The auburn was always like that, sometimes it was annoying, but most of the time it was soothing.   
  
It was nice to know someone would always be there for you no matter how shattered you were.   
  
With a push of a hand, you opened the doors to the mess hall, a couple heads turning your direction as you strode inside the stone cold floors of the nearly empty dining area, your expression turning into one of faint disgust because you didn't dry your feet well and now slight sloshing sounds could be heard from beneath you.   
  
Blanche retired to her room after a quick goodbye, telling you she’d meet you at dinner if she hasn't passed out on her bed yet.   
  
You also felt tired, and more importantly, you’d need to change because your clothes looked as if you've been rolling on the forest floor for an hour or so.  
   
It was a little slip up when your hook didn't attach itself deep enough to the bark of a tree and you almost fell, if not for Blanche saving you from a near hundred foot drop.   
  
There was about a few hours before dinner and the sky has yet to turn into a beautiful ebony hue so you thought maybe a little bit of rest wouldn't hurt.  
   
Plus, judging from the faint neighs of the horses you could hear, you figured Commander Erwin was back, and probably a little tired as well because a journey to Wall Sina wasn't really time conservative unless you sped up and took no breaks.  
  
You invited your best friends over to your room, not that they haven’t been there before because they still took it upon themselves to be your manual alarm clock and would barge in without much regard to your privacy. The four of you talked for a couple minutes and not wanting the feel of moistened clothes caked in mud, you decided to change.   
  
Devan excused himself from your quarters by then, being the gentleman that he sometimes is, and said he had to go back to his room for a bit and catch up with you three girls later.  
  
As soon as the door closed, you shrugged, slowly taking off your gear and boots before battling with the harness that scratched at your skin and left red marks. Ysavelle and Erian offered to help, seeing your predicament, but you waved them off and just told them to not mind you.   
  
As the last of your straps feel to the ground, you made a note to pick them up later lest you wanted a tangled mess the next day. All you really wanted right now was to change into dry clothing, cleaning up could come later. Room checks weren't until next week as well, so you didn't have to worry about a certain corporal skinning you alive.   
  
“No wonder we never saw you leave.” Erian said, examining the small smudges of brown on your window sill.   
  
“It was Blanche’s idea.” You smiled slightly as you remembered the lake.   
  
The auburn haired girl looked at you and smiled as she made her way to sit on your bed and took her boots off before splurging in the soft white covers. Ysavelle followed Erian’s example of claiming the bed, but she only sat near the edge, her legs outstretched and mindful of not staining your sheets.   
  
“You don’t really lock your room don’t you?” Erian muttered when you walked to your drawers and took out a new pair of white trousers and a pale blue long-sleeved shirt. Your best friend’s face was planted on your pillow, the words barely reaching your ears in an audible fashion.   
  
“I think you should know how reliable I am if left to wake up early.” You quipped, examining the sleeves of your military jacket before taking it off.  
   
“You have a point.” Ysavelle said and you didn't know if you should take that offensively or not.  
  
You set your change of clothes on the corner of the surface of your drawers.   
  
“It’s not like people are going to kill us here anyway.” You retorted, picking out a leaf tangled in your (h/c) locks.   
  
“You sleep with a knife too.” Ysavelle helpfully reminded, to which you gave a small hesitant nod.   
  
Now that you think about it. Where the hell did that knife go?   
  
You haven’t seen it for quite a while, maybe you dropped it out during training or lost it with the laundry. You didn't really want to think about it right now though, so you pushed the subject off into the very back of your mind as you started slipping your sweat-slicked shirt over your head and you sat on the top of the drawers at your room to take away the uncomfortable feeling of your dampened pants.   
  
“Your shoulder’s all good now.” Erian commented as you folded your clothes.   
  
“Well it’s been a month and more.” You said.   
  
You hopped off of your makeshift seating and stretched, not really minding how you had little clothing on because you were in the company of fellow females. Plus, having a communal bathing area meant this wasn't the first time they've seen you like this.   
  
It was not in your predictions however, for the door of your room to suddenly open up wide without much of a warning but small hushed mumbles.   
  
(E/c) hues widened as they dropped on two golden orbs, a boy with a buzz cut looking at you with his jaw almost sweeping the floor, a similar expression was replicated on a two-tone haired boy’s face that you assumed was responsible for opening the door as his hands were on the wooden board. A little behind him, you caught a glimpse of forest green eyes before they were averted.   
  
Time seemed to stop until Jean hurriedly closed the door with a mumbled sorry.   
  
Even as the door closed, you were like a statue, still stuck in that stretching position, Erian and Ysavelle not looking any different from the one painted on your face.   
  
You heard muffled voices from outside the door as you dropped your arms to your sides, Erian was then struggling to hide a laugh and Ysavelle, being the nice person that she was, tried to calm the hazel eyed girl down before said girl was thrown out the window.   
  
Footfalls from the hallways getting nearer were heard but you still stood there like a rock.   
  
“What the fuck happened?” You heard someone say outside, though you couldn't really decipher it much since the door was good at blocking most sounds.   
  
“Just… shit.” Jean muttered.   
  
“What? Is she hurt?!” Another voice asked.   
  
“N-no…” Bertholdt trailed off.   
  
“You guys are acting weird.” A girl’s voice resounded as more footsteps came.   
  
“Whoa… Bertholdt, what happened to you?” Ymir’s taunting voice followed after the other sentence ended.   
  
You snapped out of your stoned state by then, sending a glare at Erian before grabbing your shirt from the nightstand and unfolding it clumsily in a hurry. Just as you were about to pull it over your head, loud voices erupted from outside.   
  
“What? Is she okay?”   
  
“Y-yeah. Hey, wait! Eren don—“   
  
The door was opened again, this time teal eyes looked at you for a moment before a red hue spread on the person’s cheeks. You were just about to slip your arms through the sleeves by then, your head halfway through the shirt and you glanced back to the door.   
  
Aside from Eren, there was a blond tomato beside him, blue eyes plastered to you before looking down to the ground. Another blond man let out a whistle, and before anything else could happen, a stoic girl with a scarf pulled a brunette away and muttered a sorry before closing your door.   
  
“HEEEY!” Another voice resounded through the empty halls, heavy steps being taken as the person skipped through the smooth floors, the sounds followed by precise and quick steps.   
  
“What the fuck are you shitty brats doing?” A deeper voice said. “We told you to get the damn brat but you’re just standing there like idiots.”   
  
“C-captain… S-she’s uhh… fuck.” One of the flustered boys said.  
  
“A-anyway… s-sir, we could tell her later.” Armin said, his voice quivering a bit.  
  
“What, is she sleeping in again?” A loud brunette said.  
  
Levi merely raised his eyebrows at the mush of cadets before him and then kicked the door open, arms crossed and stoic face painting his features as usual. By this time, you had thrown your shirt over your head and was hurriedly trying to slip your pants on, the door opening just as you were about to wear your trousers.   
   
“Oi you damn brat… we have a meeting... mess hall.” Was all Levi said and as soon as the last word left his mouth, he closed the door back.  
  
“Hi (F/n)!” A cheery brunette with glasses tried to get a greeting in, trying to peek before the door could block her face.  
  
When a soft thud was heard, Ysavelle pushed your pillow onto Erian’s beet red face that was trying to hold back a laugh like she’s never laughed before. You silently then slipped your clothes on, and strapped yourself up again, checking your gear for a little bit and striding towards the window.   
  
“(F/n)?” Ysavelle muttered worriedly.   
  
“Tell me the details of the meeting tomorrow.” You simply said.  
   
“Yeah but…”  
   
You cut the raven’s sentence in half by jumping out the window and scaling down the walls again, your face as red as the skin of an apple as you ran to wherever. Anywhere, really, as long as it can take you away from everyone else. All the while you were slapping your cheeks, hoping that maybe your reddened state could pass as the product of your palms.  
  
Back at your sleeping quarters, Ysavelle opened the door of your bedroom with Erian still clutching her stomach in the background.  
  
“(F/n)… ran away again.” Ysavelle muttered, informing the mess of her superiors in front of her.  
  
A brunette squad leader was still grinning largely by then, musing over the dark tints on the boy’s cheeks and ears. A certain corporal was absent however, having stomped off into his office after assigning stable duty for everyone the moment he shut your door.  
   
And for the first time in your one month and twenty seven days stay as a member of the Scouting Legion.  
  
That was the first night that you locked your door. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✖ A/N: Sorry for the later than usual update today! I had a lot of work to do for university. ;//v//;)'
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	17. The Problem With Pranks

You scanned the large sheet of paper in front of you as you rubbed your forehead with a sigh. Your feet tapped onto a flat gray surface in a steady rhythm with your breathing, your back then hunched a little bit as your hands were rammed onto the wooden surface in front of you, palms pressed down with enough force that you might just break the table then and there.  
   
A look of discontent reappeared on your face as you straightened your back up and crossed your arms.  
   
“Don’t you think maybe you need a break?”  
   
You looked to the side as you heard a creak and saw Erian with a bright smile plastered on her face, her arms mimicking yours as they were crossed as well. Hazel eyes sparkled with a little worry as the auburn haired girl leaned on her side by the door frame.  
   
“Where’s Ysa and Devan?” You asked after a short silence.  
   
“Mess hall. Lunch.” Erian quickly stated and fixed you with narrowed eyes. “You didn't answer the question (F/n).” She added.  
   
You looked at your best friend with a glare, though to be honest there was really no reason to be angry about anything. You unfolded your arms and let them hang loosely by your sides, the hands on the ends forming tight fists as you clicked your tongue in annoyance, hoping to intimidate the girl away.  
  
It did not happen easy though, so after a good minute or so of silence ensuing between you and the still unfazed auburn girl, you faced the table again with another sigh.  
   
“I…” You began, not really sure what to say at the moment. “Just… just leave me alone for a bit.” You finished.  
   
“I've left you alone for a week now.” Erian said.  
   
“Give me one more day.” You muttered.  
   
“(F/n), the damn thing is in three days. Spend some time with us.” Erian bit her bottom lip for a little bit as if weighing down the consequences of her next sentence. “We might not… y’know… It might be the last.”  
   
You snapped your head to Erian who let out an apologetic smile, the girl’s hand was outstretched to you, palm open and beckoning you to take it.  
   
When you didn't answer nor take the offered hand, the hazel eyed girl let out an exaggerated sigh and walked into the room to grab you by the wrist tightly, only to whisk you away from the place you've been cooped up in since the moment you deposited your laundry after a refreshing morning bath. You tried to protest and talk your way out of this, though everything you said probably went in one ear and out the other.  
   
You were dragged down flights of steps and offices. Your best friend still refusing to take off her grip on you despite you trying to yank your hand away from her hold. Often times, you’d pass by your fellow comrades down the halls, your annoyed expressions were met with reassuring smiles before you finally stopped giving a fight and let the auburn haired girl steer you to wherever.  
   
“Erian, it’s a day off.” You muttered after a few steps down the staircase. “I believe I have the freedom to do what I want.”  
   
“Yes, and the next two days will be as well.” Erian replied as she waved to some friends who passed you by. “You can continue burning holes through that paper with your stare tomorrow. You've memorized the formations already anyway.”  
   
You let a scowl grace your features as you stared at the mop of red and brown bouncing subtly with each step you took, silence once again pouring from your lips. Your eyes narrowed themselves as a dreadful image of your comrade's deaths settled in your mind. Your heart pounded heavily in your chest and each step you took felt heavier than the last.  
  
You always thought that when the day would come, you would be elated, and yet for the past few days, all you were was a nervous wreck of mixed emotions.  
   
Sleepless nights became all too frequent for you, though that wasn't really anything new since you've had a problem with sleeping anyway. But the feeling of a storm brewing in your stomach or of dread lacing your blood at the thought of emptiness was new.  
   
Nevertheless, days went on like they have always gone, well, at least as normal as it could get since it was inevitable that of course there would be subtle changes to the attitudes of most and there were increasing times where training was traded for faux lively chatter and messing around.  
   
Who could blame them though?  
   
It’s because a few days from then, you’re very first venture from this century old cage—the 63rd expedition outside the walls—would commence. And everyone knew the loathsome truth that if it wasn't going to be their last; it’s going to be for another.  
   
“Erian, could you at least let go of my hand?”  
   
Your thoughts were given back to you as you turned a corner. Your best friend looked back at you and stopped in her tracks as if to weigh down the probability of you running away or complying silently to her decision. You gave her a stern glare, though you weren't really angry at all.  
   
“I need to train.” You muttered.  
   
“It’s a day off, (F/n).” Erian said.  
   
“But…”  
   
“No.” Erian interrupted you, giving you a glare of her own and resuming her favorite task of forcing you across corridors and down flights of steps. “You've done nothing but training since we told you about the expedition. If you don’t stop now, I swear you’re going to crash from overworking yourself and trust me when I say, I will do anything to keep you here if you don’t stop pushing yourself.”  
   
You opened your mouth to speak, but closed it right away. You had no idea what to say anyway, so you just resigned your fate for the afternoon to the determined auburn girl who was probably taking you to the mess hall. You skipped today’s breakfast too, so maybe a meal wasn't so bad, seeing as lunch started a couple minutes ago.  
   
A wave of noises erupted from the double doors of the mess hall as Erian opened it for you and pushed you inside before hurriedly closing the door as if that could stop you from escaping if you really wanted to.  
   
“Really, Erian?” You said as you faced the girl barricading the door with her body.  
   
Erian just gave you a sheepish smile before once again taking custody of your hand to drag you to a table brimming with people and cheerful conversations. As soon as you reached the said area, the auburn haired girl pushed you down to a vacant seat in the edge of the table and sat across from you, a relieved smile was now on her face as you haven’t sprinted past the doors yet.  
   
“I’m not going to run away, calm down.” You muttered, crossing your legs and leaning back on the chair.  
   
Your best friend just gave a nod and drummed the pads of her fingertips on the table before standing up. “I’m gonna go get lunch.” Erian quipped, her feet pushing her chair back and earning a small screech from wooden legs as it scraped stone.  
   
You gave your friend a nod and followed suit. It wasn't that long before you were able to go back to the table with all your friends in it, though since you were a little late for lunch, most of your friends had already emptied their trays and just stayed for casual chatter.  
   
Halfway through your meal, a raven haired girl came along with Devan, their clothes giving you the idea that they were probably doing their cleaning chores and just finished in time for a quick lunch. You four then conversed about the usual things with the other members of the table which was composed of everyone in the 104th. All the while, you listened intently and gave some comments as you tried to finish your meal.  
   
After a few minutes, the door to the mess hall opened to reveal some of your superiors from the faction. Your eyes hopped to each person as they casually walked in, a certain set of footsteps was heard nearing your direction, but before you could even look back, a voice cut through the chatter surrounding your table.  
   
“So… (F/n), have you ever fancied anyone hmm?”  
   
Your eyes widened at the sudden question and you coughed a bit as you drank your water. Turning your head to the side, you were met with an overly enthusiastic brunette who had her hair in a high ponytail. The woman was standing, though leaning a little forward to you, the glasses covering her brown eyes doing well to reflect the obvious shock you had on your features.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji…?” You managed to say after fits of coughs.  
   
“Yes, it’s me.” The brunette laughed a bit and placed her arms on your shoulders. “Now answer the question (F/n).”  
   
You took a sharp intake of breath and tried your best to give a deadly glare to the woman holding you. “I don’t really like anyone.” You deadpanned.  
   
Hanji scanned you as if trying to see behind your lie but of course she couldn't find anything to hold against your statement since what you just said wasn't really a lie, but then you knew deep down that it wasn't an upfront truth either.  
   
In any case, to be honest, why you tried training so hard for the past few days wasn't really all for the expedition, half of your reasons for overworking yourself came about from you feeling a little bit conflicted the past few days regarding a certain group of boys and a short annoying corporal.  
   
It was a little hard to see, but when you really try to look into it, you could tell that those guys had someone they like and it appears to be the same person, seeing as how the way they talk about her didn't differ so much as another’s description.  
   
Why you felt so conflicted and irritable about your little discovery was still a mystery to you though.  
   
Was it probably because you liked them? Well, maybe, not that you would ever admit it. And besides, they would never like you back right? There were plenty talented and drop dead gorgeous girls in the legion, whereas you’re just a little anti-social, secretive girl whose idea of sleep is torturous nightmares.  
   
You never really liked love anyway.  
   
But still you thought the mystery girl was lucky.  
   
“Fuck.” You seethed, giving the bespectacled woman a peek into your inner turmoil.  
   
“Oh so you do like someone.” Hanji quipped.  
   
“No.” You hurriedly said, brushing the brunette’s hands away from you and trying your utmost best to hide the blush threatening to explode on your (s/c) cheeks. “And even if I did, what’s there to like about me anyways?” You added.  
   
“I could name a couple people who could answer that question with a full page report.” Hanji winked.  
   
“Enlighten me then.” You muttered with a bored expression. You pushed your tray farther into the table since you were done anyway and propped up your arm on the wooden surface, your head resting on your open palm that half cupped the side of your cheek. (E/c) orbs never broke contact with those of brown hues that stared intently at you.  
   
Hanji gave you a wide grin, but the moment she had opened her mouth to speak, the only sound that came out of her was a pained grunt. Although, the woman looked like she expected it, if the smile on her face was anything to go by.  
   
Lucky for a lot of people, you were too focused on Hanji to ever realize a couple faces smiling brightly or expelling the worries out of their systems with deep-rooted sighs, probably happy since their secret was kept safe for another day.  
   
One person, although relieved, had already popped a vein the moment he walked into the mess hall and saw the brunette practically wagging her tail for you. Not that he had anything to be jealous of, but when he finally got the gist of things through the horrified expressions of the boys on the table, he knew he had to shut someone up right away.  
   
“Tch, we didn't come here to fucking play.” Levi spat out, and dug the heel of his boots harder onto the back of a particular person.  
   
“Aww, come on Levi!” Hanji said in a singsong tone, her voice faltered a bit at the end as she squinted up from the pressure being applied to her back. “It’s not like you have anything to hide now, do you?”  
   
A signature click of the tongue was heard, and Hanji felt the pressure on her back lessen. The brunette squad leader turned around by then, her hand patting a spot on her back as she planned to make another joke, a smile had spread onto her face as she thought she was being spared for the day. But then her eyes widened a little and her skin turned a pallid hue.  
   
The corporal did withdraw his foot, but it was so that the man could charge at the bane of his existence and swing his leg back to deliver a swift kick to the brunette. Of course, Hanji wouldn't be a squad leader for no apparent reason at all, so it was no surprise when she was able to dodge death’s door with a quick reflex and a teasing smile.  
   
But then the enthusiastic brunette forgot that you were behind her the whole time.  
   
And since you were sitting down, the height at which Levi had intended to kick the squad leader at was at perfect level with your head.  
   
“(F/n)—!”  
   
You heard Erian’s voice screaming at you about something, as well as the clatters of utensils and the screeching of wood against stone. You even caught a glimpse of some horrified looks. But then before you could even think about what to do, your head was slammed onto something hard.  
   
And that was the last sensation you could register in your mind before a blanket of darkness consumed you.  
   
 ---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
“… Y-you… Do you think she’s still alive?”  
   
“She’s breathing Armin.”  
   
“But Mikasa... she’s been like that since yesterday…”  
   
“Dammit, the expedition is the day after tomorrow!”  
   
“Just leave her alone for now Erian.”  
   
“Shut up, Devan. I wasn't talking to you.”  
   
“You just did.”  
   
“Fu—“  
   
You stirred in plush covers for a little bit, your ears picking up snippets of conversation that you couldn't really make sense of at the moment as all you could focus on was the faint throbbing that racked a side of your head. A slight pressure from the said area helped you conclude that there was probably a bandage wrapped snugly around your mop of (h/c).  
   
You had no idea why though, but then after a little while the memory came back to you.  
   
You were given a direct hit on the head by none other than Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. And you could only assume that you were knocked out soon after because everything else after that was a blank slate to you.  
   
If you had any doubts about the short captain before, then you certainly didn't now.  
   
“(F/n)…?” A soft voice called from above you. “Are you up?”  
   
Even with your eyes closed, you could pretty much tell that the only person capable of such a gentle tone was probably Krista. You were about to give out a short grunt as a reply, but before you could even open your mouth just a crack; a person spoke up and stilled you.  
   
“W-what if she doesn't remember us when she wakes up?” A voice said.  
   
“What? Amnesia?” Someone snorted. “I thought you were stupid, Eren, but I didn't know it was that bad.”  
   
“Stuff it Kirchsneigh.” An angry voice spat back.  
   
You almost snickered at the insult you heard but you were able to maintain your emotionless face. You then pondered for a little while on Eren’s question and resisted the urge to smirk at the brilliant idea that formed in your head.  
   
It wouldn't be bad to trick them right?  
   
_‘Yep. I’ll just do it for a while.’_ You inwardly said as you slowly opened your eyes and kept the best glazed look you could ever do.  
   
As expected, the moment your eyelashes so much as fluttered a bit, you were already flocked by the worried expressions of your friends and best friends. A lot of questions were thrown your way, the words barely distinguishable as different voices clamored together.  
   
For a second you thought about revoking your little prank as you saw such concerned expressions from your friends, but then you thought against it since you didn't really like backing down from something when you've set your mind to it.  
   
A raven haired girl with a messy bun then squeezed you in a hug as you sat up slowly from the bed. Ysavelle’s relieved tone rang through your ears as you felt like being squished like a bug. It was taking every single ounce of strength in you to not hug the girl back and reassure her you were fine, so before your body had a chance to fail you, you let your mouth speak up.  
   
“Umm… I’m sorry.” You began. “I… I don’t know you.”  
   
All sounds in the room had ceased the moment you finished your sentence, and the raven haired girl who hugged you so tightly just a second ago, had separated herself from you like you had some kind of disease. Ysavelle’s hands were clutching you by the sides of your shoulders, her eyes taking in your confused form.  
   
“Are you serious?” Erian muttered from your bedside. “Nice try (F/n), it’s funny so you can stop now.” The auburn haired girl finished her sentence almost desperately.  
   
You merely just shook your head.  
   
“You’re (F/n) (L/n). Rank number 1 of the 105th Squad, currently a member of the Survey Corps. You remember that at least, don’t you?” Connie said from the foot of your bed. His golden eyes were trained onto you as you faced his direction.  
   
“I’m getting Squad Leader Hanji.” Armin said as he dashed out the door and ran like his life was on the line.  
   
Back at the room you continued your little fun. “I can recall my name.” You said thoughtfully. “I don’t know what the 105th is though.”  
   
“D-do you remember any of us?” A boy with olive green eyes spoke; his hands were laced together as he looked at you. “We’re your friends.”  
   
You shook your head again and tried your luck on a sad expression. “I’m sorry but… where are we?” You asked. “I don’t think this is inside Sina.”  
   
What answered your question was a series of people looking at each other with grim appearances. Having decided that you've done enough and that your head’s throbbing has become a little more violent, you let out a smirk and was about to tell everyone you were joking, but then someone had brought your chin up and all you saw was the beautiful shade of turquoise.  
   
“This… this is a joke right?” Eren spoke, his face studying yours closely and you could feel his ragged breaths caressing your cheek.  
   
“Actually I—“  
   
The brunette holding you was then pushed to the side as a well built boy took his place and put a hand on your cheek. The act caused you to let a small heat rise to your cheeks, subsequently, it caused a certain group of boys to want to sprint back to their rooms and bring out their blades.  
   
“Hey, I’m Reiner, your boyfr—“  
   
“What the fuck Reiner?” Connie hissed as he tackled the burly man to the ground.  
   
“Oh I see where this is going.” Jean smirked and proceeded to walk to you but he was blocked by a boy with tan skin and flaring emerald eyes.  
   
“Nobody lays one finger on (F/n)!” Erian shouted, standing over you like an overprotective mother. “Dev! Help me!”  
   
“Leave me out of it.”  
   
“Let go shithead!”  
   
“Not until I kick you back to the stables!”  
   
“G-guys, let’s take this calmly.” Ysavelle and Bertholdt said at the same time.  
   
“What the hell Connie?! You’re gonna break my arm!”  
   
“Eren, stop.” A girl with a red scarf blocked a punch from the brunette who was trying land a hit on Jean.  
   
“Stay out of this Mikasa!”  
   
“…(F/n), you should rest up.” Krista gave you a smile as Ymir slung an arm over the petite blonde’s shoulder. Behind the two girls stood Sasha who was peering down on you with the slightest hint of worry on her features.  
   
You on the other hand, just stared at the mess of people bickering around you.  
  
It was chaotic to be honest, and maybe that term was still an understatement of the current situation. You’d be lying if you said this wasn't amusing though. It was definitely a good laugh to see everyone’s faces so shocked when you played out this prank, but it wasn't in your speculations that a few minutes later you’d be right in the middle of such a commotion.  
   
You cleared your throat to speak over the noise. You could just apologize later; right now you just needed some peace and quiet.  
   
A click of the tongue had effectively shut up everyone though, and you were just about to speak that time too. It seems that today, people liked interrupting you when you’re ready to speak. Not that you had any qualms about it since it saved you the energy. But still you thought it would be nice to finish one more sentence without someone beating you to the chase or interrupting you halfway through.  
   
“What are you shitty brats doing?”  
   
All eyes looked over to the man tapping his foot impatiently onto the smooth stone flooring by the doorway. Behind the guy was a cerulean eyed boy who stood stiff as a board in his place as he remembered that when he left earlier, everyone clearly wasn’t at each other’s throats.  
   
“Never mind, I don’t need an answer.” Levi said with a sigh as he stepped inside the room. “Get out.”  
   
“B-but sir!” Erian protested, hugging you by the head and you grunted at the pressure.  
   
“Dinner is starting. Get out before I revoke your meals.” Levi stated with a menacing glare.  
   
The first one out of the room was a girl with brown hair tied up into a ponytail, no surprise about that. The rest were determined to stay but still kicked out nonetheless. It took a couple of minutes to do, but pretty soon there was no one else in the room besides you and the man who looked like he was going to slit your throat if you try to move.  
   
Precise and lithe steps were then made towards the bed that contained you, your heart pounded against your ribcage as you squeezed your eyes shut and prepared for a good amount of scolding. It never came though, so you opened your eyes again, only to be met with silvery pools that stared at you in their usual bland manner.  
   
“I was informed you have amnesia.” Levi said as his eyes studied yours carefully.  
   
“Well… about that.” You started. “It was just a joke.”  
   
“Tch, I figured just as much.” The captain scoffed as he looked to the side.  
   
There was a small silence between you two, but when you tried to settle the tense atmosphere, a pillow was gently slammed into your face and you lost balance at the sudden action, causing you to lie back down on your mattress and you let out a groan as your head stung.  
   
“…Sorry.”  
   
Underneath the packet of fluff, your eyes widened and you took the pillow away from your face to stare intently at your superior. Did you hear it right, or was your brain actually damaged and you were turning crazy?  
   
The stoic man who stood beside you had noticed your look of confusion and he just sighed. “I’m not repeating that again, shitty brat.” Levi muttered as he turned around swiftly and headed for the door of your room. Before the man would leave your sight though, he glanced at his side, his back still facing you.  
   
“I’ll explain it to the brats.” Levi paused. “I’m sending shitty glasses change your bandages later.”  
   
You gave a small smile as you turned your head a little to meet his gaze, and with a nod, the man left you in the company of your disheveled white sheets.  
   
Outside the room, Levi had yet to peel his eyes away from the polished wood when he noticed a figure leaning on the wall just about ten inches next to your door. One look on mud caked boots was all that the corporal needed to determine who the person was, and he just gave a tired sigh in response to the woman’s bright grin.  
   
The boys of the 104th and your best friends couldn't sleep at all the night before and usually made long trips from their rooms just to go visit you and check if you’re still breathing. Fortunately for Levi, he just had to walk two doors down the corridor. And yes, the stoic man did visit you, a terrible feeling gnawing at his insides whenever he would open your door and see you still in the same position as before.  
   
“So… are you ready to admit you like her?” Hanji quipped in a silent tease.  
   
Levi merely grunted and just walked past the brunette to head to the mess hall for some tea. It took him about ten steps away when Hanji peeled herself off of the wall and gave a smirk as she clutched at the bag of medical ointments and bandages on her palm.  
   
“You have a lot of rivals.” The brunette quipped, before pushing the door of your room open. “Good luck shorty.” She teased.  
   
When the door to your room had shut once again and muffled voices came from inside, the captain gave off a scoff and resumed his walk to the mess hall.  
   
“I don’t plan on losing though.” Levi muttered as he reached the end of the corridor and turned right to head to the staircase.  
  
What the captain didn't know however, was that a certain group of boys had concealed themselves on the storage room near a certain (h/c) haired girl’s room, and had heard the conversation that ensued between their two superiors.  
   
For this group of boys, although probably different at lengths of determination, each had the same set of words that replayed in their minds.

_‘I don’t plan on losing either.’_


	18. The 63rd Expedition: Repression Squad

You were pacing throughout the whole base, gear already strapped on, uniform in perfect condition, the ends of your (h/c) hair still damp from the hasty rubbing you did to them with a towel after a quick bath. The soles of your boots also silently clicked as it met smooth stone, a green cloak draped securely on the anxious puddle of mush that was you.

   
Outside, a few scattered stars twinkled brightly as if wanting to alleviate your darkened aura.  
   
Yes, stars.  
   
You couldn't sleep at all, not after the first nightmare that proved more gruesome than your repetitive ones.  
   
It was odd to be honest, because you thought you were ready for this. But the fact of the matter probably was that you were just trying to fool yourself into thinking you were going to be okay. That no one is going to die today. That maybe tomorrow you'd still see your friends and get a laugh or two out of them.

Today was the day of the 63rd Expedition beyond the walls.  
   
Well, the dawn of it perhaps, because you were positive yesterday just ended about two hours ago and here you were aimlessly pacing through the walls of the base, stopping every so often at the front of your friend's doors, wanting to talk to them but deciding not to do so because everybody needed the energy today. And you wanted them in their best conditions.  
   
A sob was heard through the hallways and your eyes widened as you stilled in your tracks.  
   
You took a gulp and feverishly scanned the area as your breath hitched. Seeing that no one was there, you cowered by the wall beside a storage closet, your arms caging your delicate legs as your fingers played with the straps by your knees. (E/c) hues have since then blurred as you tried to blink away the water that was coating your bright pools.  
   
Were you really okay with having to experience someone dying again?  
   
Or maybe the most important thing would be if you were okay with having to go without so much as a goodbye to everyone else. You've escaped death once so maybe this time its ready to claim what it should have gotten a long time ago. Not like anyone would miss you right? But you would miss them. All of them. Even if they won't miss you.  
   
Footsteps echoed in the hallways and you stilled, trying to squeeze yourself as much as you could into the makeshift corner created by the storage cabinet and the cold stone walls.  
   
It wasn't really going to do anything though.  
   
“Who are you?”  
   
You felt a hand try to grab you by the throat and you just barely managed to catch it before you could get choked. (E/c) eyes met those of amber tones, a being with pitch black hair was standing in front of you, eyes squinted and an unoccupied hand was descending to the compartment of blades on the 3DMG this person was wearing.  
   
“(F/n) (L/n).” You muttered, letting his hand go.  
   
“What? Damn, I thought you were some intruder or something.”  
   
The guy looked at you and tried to make out your features against the dark surroundings. It was barely visible, and even you were at a disadvantage to discerning this person who stood before you. You could make a guess though, but you didn’t even have the time to speak a word when the boy (at least you thought it was one), spoke concisely.  
   
“Rank.”  
   
“One.”  
   
“Training Squad Division.”  
   
“105th.”  
   
“Members of the top ten.”  
   
“By order?”  
   
“Answer it.” The person demanded and you gave a click of your tongue.  
   
You then gave a guttural sigh and glared at the person before you. “Fleur, Seth, Erian, Ysavelle, Gareth, Aiden, Aria, Devan, Blanche, (F/n).” You muttered quickly. “Now are we done playing the guessing game Gareth?” You asked.  
   
“Not yet.” The boy replied. “Why were you crying?”  
   
“I was not.” You said a little too quickly and you cursed mentally as you just basically gave yourself away with your desperate tone.  
   
“You’re a talented person (F/n), but you kind of lack in the lying department sometimes.” The guy spoke and you could practically make him out by now because your eyes have adjusted quite nicely into the dark. You assumed the same thing happened to the guy too because he was staring directly into your dampened orbs.  
   
“It’s okay to be scared. I’m kinda gonna piss myself any second now if that helps.” He smiled and you playfully just kicked the side of his leg.  
   
“You suck at this.” You muttered.  
   
“I get that a lot.” The amber eyed boy just grinned at your statement and offered a hand to help you stand up. Well, more like he forced you to stand up because he just grabbed your hand and pulled you up.  
   
The floor wasn't really comfortable anyway.  
   
“So… what’s up?” The boy asks you as you two decided to walk side by side, letting your feet drag you to wherever it goes. “If you don’t mind me asking, I mean, yeah.”  
   
“You’re an awkward guy.” You said as you exhaled and laced your fingers together. “And no I don’t mind. You kind of hit bullseye back there.” You paused your speech for a bit as you two turned a corner and continued along another empty hallways. “This is why I didn't like to make connections. If you guys die it’s like you bring me down with you. It pisses me off really.”  
   
“In my case though.” Gareth says after a while of careful thinking. “I think I’m thankful you were my friend, at least if I die, then life wasn't really such a waste with someone this gorgeous dropping in my life.”  
   
“Did I mention you’ll never get a girlfriend for life?”  
   
Gareth just gave you an expression of false pain, one that seemed too exaggerated for taste that you gave a chuckle and swatted him on the shoulder. It’s true you and Gareth weren't that close, the most you could have been was probably acquaintances, or just someone to train with when everyone else was taken.  
   
But of course you respected the guy. The raven haired male might not have been as proficient in physical combat like Devan was, or some 3DMG prodigy like Fleur. But you got to give the guy credit for always being the one to cheer everyone on. And effectively too, might I add.  
   
Pretty soon your uncertainty was washed off with these little conversations with the amber eyed boy, though your anxiety was only dampened by a bit despite your full effort to suppress it. It was understandable anyway, since you were basically giving yourself to death on a silver platter.  
   
A distant sound of the door closing shut was then heard, making both you and your companion whip your heads back in a quick motion.  
   
It wasn't that long before a platinum haired girl was revealed to you, her short hair appearing a shade darker thanks to the lighting, but her face still had those normally ardent pale blue eyes that could have rivaled the look of determination on a certain boy with emerald eyes.  
   
“Oh good, you guys are up too.” The girl chirped.  
   
“What?” Gareth spat out.  
   
“It’s better if I show you.” The girl winked and then grabbed an arm from both you and Gareth before wistfully taking you a few steps down the hall and shoving you two into a room that the girl entered as well. And upon her entry, the door was closed shut, a bright smile on her face as she leaned on the polished wood.  
   
“Kidnapping?” You muttered.  
   
“(F/n), if it was a kidnapping, you wouldn't be taken to a room inside the base.”  
   
You turned around at the sound of the voice, and you were surprised at the sight before you. There were about thirty people in the room, maybe give or take five people. The person who spoke was sitting on a wooden crate that could easily seat five people, her all too fierce blue eyes meeting your own as she crossed her arms.  
   
“Aria?” Gareth asked. “No wait… what the hell are you all doing here?”  
   
Your eyes hopped onto the shaded tufts before you, their expression somewhat a mix of being smug and dull, mostly fearful if you could place a name to those minuscule glints on their multicolored orbs. They were all people you’ve known for quite a long time.  
   
Almost everyone on the 105th was here.  
   
“Take a guess, six.” Aria said with her usual arrogant aura to which you gave a small glare at as Gareth, on the other hand, scrunched his eyebrows a bit since he preferred to be called by his name and not some assigned number in graduation.  
   
“Geez, could you not act so high and mighty.” A familiar voice said, but before you could name the voice, you were tackled, just enough to make you stumble but keep you on your feet. “You’re just as shocked the first time you were dragged here and you even swore to decapitate us.”  
   
The light blond haired girl simply shrugged and averted her gaze. You then registered a sea of auburn strands before you and you brought a hand up to pat it down. “Erian?” You asked. “Sorry, but like Gareth said, what the hell is going on?”  
   
Your best friend distanced herself from you, though her arms were connected to your shoulders. Her light peachy skin was then ablaze with a layer of yellow orange from the lamps situated on the walls. Her hazel eyes retained their normal hues though, and much more did her smile.  
   
“Like you,” The girl spoke up and cleared her throat. “We couldn’t sleep.”  
   
It was simple and concise, completely out of character for most of these people though. And here you were thinking you were going to be the only one to have to deal with sleeping troubles.  
   
“So you guys decided to meet up in the middle of the night?” You muttered.  
   
“Something like that.” Erian beamed, and she dragged you to a spot near the corner where Devan was leaning against the wall, and Ysavelle was obviously trying to fight the sleep that was trying to bring down her consciousness as the raven gave you a wave.  
   
“Okay, now that we’re all here.” Fleur announced by the door. “We can all wallow in our sadness together and not be embarrassed about crying because we’re all doing it together.”  
   
You involuntarily let out a chuckle by then. The sound just escaped your lips before your mind had a way to stop it, you weren’t the only one though. Contrary to Fleur’s statements, everyone did anything else but cry and show their transparent fears.  
   
It was fun for a while, time was going so slow that maybe it was brought about by everyone’s silent wishes that time would stop and let everyone live in this time-frame alone. Of course, it wasn't really the case at all, and you guys had no way of telling what time it was because there were no clocks or windows in the room.  
   
One small quick knock from outside however, had successfully brought everyone back into their sullen states, more so when a brunette squad leader opened the door with never fading enthusiasm.  
   
“Ooh!” Hanji squealed. “You guys are all up and ready, excited to see the titans hmm?” She inquired.  
   
Her only response was halfhearted smiles and laughs that bordered on faint melancholy.  
   
“This is perfect! We were kind of worried about waking you guys up, but you saved us the trouble!” Hanji grinned.  
   
A person then pushed the squad leader to the side, impassive gray eyes giving everyone a good size up before the man let out a signature click of the tongue and turned around. “We’re leaving in four hours.” The man spoke. “Go take breakfast and collect yourselves in the mess hall. We will be discussing final adjustments and assigning you to your official squads.”  
   
“I thought we were going with the squad formations assigned before?” Erian asked discreetly, and you just gave a shrug in return.  
   
Perhaps Commander Erwin had a change of plans?  
   
You’ll know soon enough though, so you just joined your fellow comrades in a quick salute and a ‘yes, sir!’, then everyone followed the captain and squad leader across once dark corridors and into the mess hall where some other members of the legion were already up and chattering about.  
   
It was unusual.  
   
The soup and bread which composed your daily rations have never changed since day one, and it wasn't that flavorful the many times you and your friends have jammed it in your mouths. But today the food was inexplicably delicious. They looked the same, soup being stale and the bread was even harder than yesterday night’s. Yet for some reason, today the food was different.  
   
Maybe because it would be the last.  
   
Jokes were laden out as usual; laughs became all too prominent as well. You could feel a few eyes protruding the back of your head though, but if you turned to look behind you, it was always just squad leader Hanji laughing about something and lance corporal Levi threatening the brunette about something. The table of your friends from the 104th squad was situated near yours as well, but everyone seemed immersed in their own conversations.  
   
Were you probably getting a little too paranoid?  
   
_“Yes, that's only logical.”_ You concluded to yourself.  
   
And so, after a couple spoonfuls later and seemingly forced laughs, everyone had deposited their trays of empty bowls and cups, into the kitchen counter connected to the place and bodies were all huddled up in a long table that housed the higher ranking officials of the Scouting Legion.  
   
Commander Erwin was there, but not really a surprise for you since he was a busy man and it wasn't the first time you or your friends have met him.  
   
Someone clearing their throat was heard, and soon began some final announcements that you have long since drilled into your head when you studied about military tactics this particular military faction had on your training days under Keith Shadis.  
   
And Damn. You were beginning to miss the intimidating guy.  
   
The abrupt meeting lasted for about two hours, leaving you and your friends just about an hour and a half to refill the gas on your gears, check your blades, bring your horses out of the stables, and ride to the gates of wall Rose where you would expect crowds of people to be gathering at.  
   
The meeting was straightforward with a couple goals that you picked up:  
 

**1.    Protect Eren Yeager at all costs.  
2.    Protect the cargo of who knows what.  
3.    You’re going to fucking die.**

   
You had no idea what the purpose of this expedition was, with Commander Erwin just giving vague ideas about the actual brevity of the purpose of this expedition. For you and most, it seemed like the Scouting Legion just wanted to prance outside for the heck of it and hope you all make it back.  
   
It was unnerving if you had to say so yourself.  
   
But maybe the commander had some really good reasons as to why he was keeping the mission’s actual goal behind closed doors. Everyone respected and trusted the commander enough to not question anything.  
   
So without any responses but a quick salute, everyone was on their way to refilling stations or to the stables.  
   
You were part of the group who went to fill up your gas tank, though maybe you just wanted to go with the flow since your newly assigned squad was going there. You were sure there was no need to do refills though, because you probably had enough for the day. But then again, one can never be too sure in the face of man-eating monsters.  
   
As you were filling your tank up, you recalled the final squad divisions that Hanji had briefed everyone with.  
   
As usual, there was the Special Operations Squad handled by the captain himself, and it was composed of , unsurprisingly, Eren, then there was Jean, Krista, Reiner and Armin.  
   
It seems for this mission, that squad was reduced temporarily and the rest of the members of the 104th not mentioned were at different stations in the formation. Bertholdt was by the rear, Ymir was on a squad a little left of the tall boy. Armin was situated by the cargoes and supplies and Mikasa, was tasked near the right flank.  
   
Those four apparently became squad leaders for the day or something, and you could only smile at your other friends’ constant glee at being placed under such admirable people.  
   
Erian was under Armin’s command, Devan was by some other squad leader in the faction who was in charge of scouting, and Ysavelle was tasked near the left flank and the squad nearest to the left of the boy with olive eyes.  
   
You were a little bothered about your squad assignment though.  
   
Because apparently, you and a couple of your type of rookies from the 104th, exactly about seven of you, were gathered to form a new squad that was dubbed as some kind of repression squad as Hanji so kindly placed it.  
   
Basically, from what you could understand, you were part of the squad whose main task was similar to that of the one under the lance corporal’s command. Except you weren't safely tucked in the formation and instead you were honestly out in the open with a free food sign above your heads in flashing lights.  
   
The fact that you had no such member in the group that was a veteran member of the Scouting Legion was confusing too. But because of that lack, there were three leading figures in the group that was composed of those in the top ten of your graduating batch.  
   
Your squad went as follows:  
   
**Name: (Temporarily named) Repression Squad  
Task: Second line of defense and  ~~suicide~~  back-up offense squad.  
   
Squad Leader: Blanche Eloise (Rank 2)  
Second in Command: Gareth Paige (Rank 6)  
Third in Command: (F/n) (L/n) (Rank 1)  
   
Members: Leanah Amethys (Rank 27), Allistair Rhys (Rank 16), Kent Donnovan (Rank 19) and Phoebe Bryn (Rank 12)**  
   
You recalled the names of your friends who would be in your squad. Despite most of them not being in the top ten, each of the other members had great proficiency in their titan kill techniques and 3DMG handling. You were pretty close to them too; as you normally should have been given you’d wake up to see their faces on a day to day basis.  
   
“Alright!” You heard a voice call conveniently as you had just finished refilling your tanks and changed your blades.  
   
You looked up to see a caramel haired girl with a serious face. Beside her was that raven haired male with amber eyes and the two gestured for you to come forward as well.  
   
You three stood there in front of your squad members who gave a salute. Blanche gave a nod and alongside the girl, you and Gareth gave one of the best salutes you could have done.  
   
“Our goal is to help humanity.” Blanche began. “If we’re going to die, we’re going to die after we've done our goal.”  
   
Not really the best speech to give away, but Blanche was being truthful.  
   
"Yes, sir!” Everyone else, including you and the male beside you, had shouted, and without another word to pass between your group, you all left the refilling station and mounted up your horses by the stables to await further orders.  
   
Blanche naturally took the front spot, you were behind the girl, just a little to her left, Gareth took the position next to you, on Blanche’s right side, while the rest of your group mates made up the rear guard of your little formation. You took a glance back at your friends and you involuntarily gulped.  
   
“Don’t die on me guys.” You muttered.  
   
“Yes, sir!” They said and you allowed a smile to grace your features.  
   
Gareth gave you a thumbs up and Blanche even lost her serious facade for a while when she glanced behind to meet your sparkling (e/c) orbs brimming with determination. As heartwarming as it was, time was relentless.  
   
A loud voice resounded across the field, the said sound belonging to a tall blond man with sea blue eyes. With a little nod and a squeal from who you could only assume as Hanji, horses soon galloped across dirt, mud and grass on the way to the gates of Wall Rose.  
   
The ride was about half an hour in length. And you couldn't even get a breather because when your horse had finally stilled behind a sea of green cloaks, you heard the dreadful sound of clanking as the gates opened at a painfully slow pace.  
   
“The 63rd Expedition beyond the walls.” A loud voice boomed across the cheering masses and cadets.  
   
“FORWARD!”  
  
You bit your lip and swallowed hard as the horses started to move. With a deep breath you then flicked your reins and your horse followed the advancing barrage of human sacrifices.  
   
It wasn't long before the whole legion had left the walls. The low grumbling of the gates confirmed to you that there would be no turning back from this, and all you could do now was go forward.  
   
Even if forward meant death.  
   
“Formation for Long Distance Enemy Detection!”  
   
You gripped your reins tighter.  
   
“Commence!”  
   
A wave of battle cries resounded as everyone split up to their designated positions at Erwin’s command.  
   
You clung onto your reins like it was you lifeline, and you warily eyed the pouch of flares that was near your saddle. You recited the colors in your mind with their respective meanings, then after that you recalled some other lessons you had. It was your desperate attempt.  
   
For the first time in six years, you felt vulnerable again.  
   
There was a need for distraction, even for just a short while.  
   
You had no idea how long you were running, you also lost count of distant shouts your ears have collected, and of how many flares were shot. Sweat matted your forehead, but you couldn't even make yourself wipe it in fear of the worst situations in mind.  
   
You were near the outskirts of the formation, your small group of seven literally looking like ants on a piece of green dyed paper.  
   
Everyone had moved on and off of the course, but it seems that with the way the green flares were being directed, and Erian’s constant stories about her life in Wall Maria, it is highly likable that Commander Erwin was leading everyone into some forest that was once a tourist spot.  
   
The Repression Squad has come to such close calls for a short while now. And that was odd because these titans seemed to have come from the left side which means that unless the squad over there was wiped off, the titans had no way of getting past.  
   
“(F/n), focus!” You heard Blanche’s voice shout to you.  
   
“Yes, sir!” You responded.  
   
“Gareth, red!” Blanche nearly screamed as the amber eyed boy riding beside you had fumbled for his flare gun and reloaded it. But from the corner of your eye, you saw something that made your heart stop. And almost automatically, you had reached for your flare gun and shot it up in the sky.  
   
Instead of the red one though, a black line shot up through the sky.  
   
“(F/n)?!” Gareth asked with his eyes wide.  
   
“Fuck.” You simply spat. “We’re breaking formation!” You ordered.  
   
Your other squad members looked at you a little confused as green flares erupted from the distance, taking the course right.  
   
“(F/n), what did you see?” Blanche said and you took a gulp of air.  
   
“Aberrant.” You said in a low whisper.  
   
“What?” Gareth asked.  
   
“There was a fucking lot.” You seethed as your steered your horse to the direction the green lines were pointing at. “The scouting squad left of us is down. Leanah, go to the next squad and inform them.” You shouted, to which the cherry-brown haired girl had shouted a ‘yes, sir!’ before venturing away from your squad.  
   
In the far distance, you could make out the opening of a forest made up of giant trees.

“Hurry the fuck up!” You almost screeched at everyone. “We’re… we’re going to the middle of the forest. I can’t. Fuck. I don’t want you see anyone else die.” You said as tears pooled in your eyes.  
   
“(F/n), now is not the time for selfish requests.” Gareth said almost sympathetically.  
   
“I just can’t…” You weakly protested.  
   
“We’re going to engage.” Blanche called from the front and your eyes widened as you heard faint footsteps behind you.  
   
“But Blanche—“  
   
“We’re the fucking Repression Squad for a reason (F/n)!” The light caramel haired girl shouted, and you were automatically shut up as it was the first time the girl did so much as swear with hatred in her tone. But of course that anger was not directed at you. “Everyone, draw out your blades!” The brown eyed girl commanded. “We cannot let them break formation!”  
   
Your cold hands shakily inserted blades onto your hand-grips and the clanking of metal was then heard. The ground seemed to rumble in behind you and you honestly felt like throwing up.  
   
“Our goal is to protect the cargo and Eren.” Blanche helpfully reminded your muddled mind. “If we don’t stop them now, we’re going to incur more fatalities.”  
   
Looking up from your pallid complexion, you caught a glimpse of brown eyes that stared at you in an almost sad expression.  
   
“Squad Leader!” A group member shouted as you could feel a shadow nearly being cast over you.  
   
“(F/n).”  
   
You brought your attention back to Blanche whose back was faced to you.  
   
“We’re going to survive this okay?” The girl said.  
   
Before you could have given a reply though, the ground shook violently, a flash of amber then seen as Gareth landed beside your horse with steam emanating from his clothes and there was blood coating his hair, the reddish liquid evaporating into steam . Shortly after the black haired boy landed, the ground shook as the body of a disintegrating titan fell on the ground.  
   
You gave the boy a nod as you looked behind to see a trail of aberrant titans running towards your squad.  
   
Without a second to spare, you dismounted your horse and ran to the titans head-on with a never before seen passion igniting your (e/c) pools. Your blades glimmered against the rays of the sun as you felt your comrades matching your pace with a similar look of anger in their faces.

You gripped the blades of your handles tighter as a smiling face peered down on you.

It was quite a shock that you didn't look so scared despite today being the first time you encountered these things.

But then again, maybe it was because hell was no stranger to you.

"(F/n), I need an assist!" Gareth shouted over to you as you followed the boy's lead and shot your wires up to hook on skin.

There was no time for anything else but concise commands and battle cries after that. A few of the titans have fallen, but the onslaught seemed to have no end as more just replaced those who were reduced to nothing but a pile of decapitating flesh. All the while though, you would glance behind after a kill and check on your teammates through a thin veil of steam. A word then rolling off of your tongue as a footfall appeared on your line of vision and you were once again in flight.  
   
“You better be damn right about this Blanche.” **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wonderful feedback on the first special chapter! You guys are the best! ♥
> 
> When I have more time later today, I'll do my best to reply to all the comments. I really appreciate them, thank you!


	19. The 63rd Expedition: Priorities, Promises

“Blanche, we need to go back.”  
   
Another titan fell by your blades and connected with the ground as you spoke.  
   
Each of your words seemingly stressed and frantic as you drew in another deep breath to soothe your hurting lungs. You let out a fit of coughs as you inhaled quite a good amount of hot steam, your hand clutching on an end of a deep green fabric that you used to cover your mouth and nose as a temporary air filter.  
  
“We need to fight.” Your squad leader said as she executed another perfect slice and landed next to you.  
   
And you couldn't do anything else but meet her statement with silence. Not that the girl could hear it anyway because she wasn't beside you anymore.  
  
To say that you were enraged didn't even begin to describe the tip of your feelings right now. If you had any words to describe it, the best you could come up with was a representation made of a certain captain’s profanities mixed with all the vile things this world had to offer.  
   
“(F/n)! Assist!”  
   
You groaned but complied with the request anyway, spotting a girl with reddish-brown hair nearby, her once neatly combed locks from earlier now a mess, but you couldn't really care at the moment about appearances.  
   
“Phoebe!” You began as you neared the girl, another cough escaping your lips as you have already taken away your makeshift filter for clean air. “I’ll take the sight away. Go for the nape when I do!”  
   
“Yes sir!” The girl responded as you shot your wires for the umpteenth time in the past few minutes and blinded your probable 5th set of eyes.  
   
It has been going on for a while now, and it wouldn't be a bad assumption to say that the titans wouldn't stop coming any sooner. And maybe your squad could hold on much better, given the titans were normal, but that wasn't the case.  
   
Abnormal titans we stupid, as all titans (with the exception of titan shifters) are. But these deviant types were challenging because of their unpredictable patterns of attack. As such, your squad has devised a plan that to lessen the advantages these types of titans had against your small group; the blinding of the monsters was vital.  
   
Of course, since the task was dangerous, mainly because the eyes are located near a snapping mouth. The task was limited to only you, Blanche or Gareth.  
   
With a stab of your blades, Phoebe swooped down to present the titan with a huge V-shaped cut at its nape. As the monster fell, you pulled your dulled blades out and landed on the ground in time with the red-brown haired girl.  
   
If you had to be truthful, you were surprised that you were able to last this long. Because when you think about it, you were in an open field, in constant combat with none too average giants and still breathing. That much alone is a feat that bested your final evaluation exam in the training camp.  
  
You know that thing they say when people make rash decisions when pressed for time?  
   
Well maybe the proper word to describe your decisions at the time might have been ‘stupid’ because it was definitely an idiotic choice to dismount your horse and let the steed run far away while you face the titans on foot on a place where there were no structures but the monsters themselves to use as leverage for your grapple hooks.  
   
The sound of grass crunching was then heard and you looked a few inches away to see one of your squad’s authority figures.  
  
“Blanche, listen to me.” You said, but then you realized too late that you were all alone again.  
   
With a sigh, you took a moment to scan your surroundings.  
   
Hanji and the others probably did some real research when the members of the Repression Squad were chosen. If the many handfuls of fallen titans were enough of a basis for your squad’s expertise despite being rookies, then yes, the Repression Squad was definitely a capable and efficient unit deserving of respect.  
   
But you had this gut feeling and that was never a good sign.  
   
“BLANCHE!” You shouted, not caring anymore about how your voice was turning desperate as you saw another horde of titans in the distance. And after the last one of the current onslaughts was taken down too.  
   
Once again, your shouts were met with nothing but your squad member’s ignorance and you resisted the urge to breakdown then and there. To be honest, you didn't want to accept it. But when truth is so conveniently presented to you and slaps you across the face, there was no denying it.  
   
This was a failed decision from the start.  
   
You weren't fighting just ordinary titans. You were fighting damn numbers of aberrant monsters that fucking killed a whole squad and who knows how many more. These things were unpredictable and possessed abilities that differed from the normal ones. You couldn't also deny the many close calls you've had to being titan fodder as well. And you knew that you weren't the only one who’s been stepping in and out of death’s door with every slice you were planning to make.  
   
The steam was also getting too distracting that you couldn't even visibly make out your friend’s faces. All you could see was silhouettes, and you dreaded the moment that those moving shadows would disappear one by one.  
   
Biting your bottom lip, you fought a shout of anger from erupting from your throat and channeled your energy to find a way out of the smoky haze around you. After a few second, you then placed your index and middle finger halfway in your mouth to let out a shrill high-pitched whistle that hopefully called what you wanted it to call.  
   
There were a couple more tries, but from the little of the horizon that you could see through the veil of gray, you felt your heart plummet down to the very core of the world when you couldn't see anything out but more titans and distant trees.  
   
A footfall resounded behind you, and you knew that you had no choice anymore but to fight or die escaping, which you planned to do the latter because the forest was still reachable. If you could run to even just the opening then you could play that to your advantage. You didn't need to just run all the way, if your friends were so blinded by the thirst of blood, then you could negotiate killing a few titans along the way.  
   
You pivoted on your heel to meet a titan’s smile with your angered face.  
   
Taking a deep breath, you ran to the creature and shot your wires just above its ankle. Using the momentum, you skidded to half a circle and made it so that the titan’s back faced you. It was only a matter of seconds that you had retracted your wires, to shoot them up on higher grounds. Getting enough elevation, you then proceeded to swoop down for a kill but then the bastard decided to move its head to the side and before you knew it, you were facing a giant mouth.  
   
There was the need to shriek, but then it was all too sudden for you that your systems just seemed to freeze-up. It was also sudden that the titan’s mouth was wiped out of your view and the next thing you knew it, you were being dragged down as your wires were still attached to the nape of the dying monster.  
   
Landing onto the ground, you felt a hand on your shoulder, amber eyes looking at you with such sadness in them that you felt rage bubble up in every single cell in your body.  
   
You were not the squad leader, but that didn't mean you had to just listen to commands that didn't fit your views.  
   
The harmony of sickening rips, metal hitting against metal and zipping wires have stopped. All that was left were the hissing of disappearing skin. There were almost inaudible sounds of heavy footsteps as well, faint thumps on the ground that sounded similar to taps on a window by light raindrops. And you knew you weren't going to just stand here to give a welcoming ceremony.  
   
You spotted Blanche a little ways beside you, facing head on along with your other teammates. You stormed off to the girl and spun her around, your enraged (e/c) pools meeting your squad leader’s impassive brown eyes and that only served to fuel your anger more.  
   
Bringing a hand up, the sound of skin on skin was heard and the palm of your dominant hand throbbed painfully.  
   
Arms had hooked themselves onto your own and you didn't have to look back to see your squad’s second in command officer trying to pull you away from the light caramel haired girl whose strands were tainted with blood.  
   
“(F/—)”  
   
“YOU ARE GOING TO FUCKING LISTEN TO ME!” You cut Gareth’s words with a screech and yanked your hand away forcefully from its restraints.  
   
From the corner of your eyes you saw small blots of skin in the scenery, and with every second that ticked by, you knew that your chances of survival were thinning out as well.  
   
“The forest is over there.” You pointed angrily to your side, your eyes squinting ever so slightly as you glared at anyone your eyes could land on. “We’re leaving this shithole and if you don’t want to then I am more than happy to fucking kill you myself since you guys seem to be wanting that for a while now!”  
   
No words were exchanged and you pointed your blade to Blanche’s chest.  
   
“(F/n), let’s be rational.” Allistair said. “It’s our job as the Repr—“  
   
“Rational?” You asked in a mocking tone to the brunette boy. “It wasn't in our goddamn job description to commit suicide! I’m sorry if life doesn't amount much to you, but it does to me.” You seethed, and this time, your tears have begun falling, mixing with your red stained cheeks and falling as faint pink droplets on the already reddened grass. “It doesn't take an intellectual person to look at your eyes and know you've all given up!”  
   
Bringing your outstretched hand down; you retracted your blade from the spot on Blanche’s person and eyed the titans emerging from the plains.  
   
“Five minutes.” You said. “The titans will be here by then.”  
   
It was silent for a while, and you have taken off your currently useless blades in favor of a new set of sharpened ones. You were just about ready to prepare yourself for a mental goodbye, but then a hand had grabbed you by the wrist and before you knew it, you were running out of the blinding steam and into the open, all your squad members running as much as their feet could take them without taking as much as a look back.  
   
“That’s our top ranker.” Gareth said as you concluded that he was the person who grabbed your hand.  
   
For a moment, the raven haired male looked back to you and gave you a grin, and then you took your hand away from him to lessen the load on his person. Beside you, a light caramel haired girl was running, her once impassive eyes now brimming with that determination you loved about her.  
   
“Thanks.” Blanche muttered between pants and you allowed your face to give out a small smile before looking forward again and running to your best ability despite the aching on your legs.  
   
“(F/n), what’s that?” You heard Gareth say as he pointed to an abandoned village where blots of brown were seen.  
   
You squinted your eyes for a moment, and you felt your heart perform a triple flip when you saw your one way ticket out of this hell. It was your squad’s horses. And even with the increasing volume of titan feet pounding behind you, you concluded that you and your friends could reach the animals with enough time to mount them and make a run for the forest.  
   
The only catch was that you could only make out three horses, and there were six of you.  
   
“It’s the horses!” You shouted and you pointed to the run down house on what was probably once a thriving village. “Everyone, head that direction!” You shouted and you stopped your tracks to face back.  
   
The faster of aberrant titans were getting dangerously near and you had no choice but to kill them. You felt a tap on your shoulder and you saw familiar brown eyes looking at you.  
   
“Everyone else, go to the horses!” Blanche ordered. “(F/n) and I will stall the titans!”  
   
“But what if y—“  
   
Phoebe’s words were cut as Gareth grabbed the girl by the back of her collar and dragged the blond girl onto the animals leisurely eating the grass in the distance. As the titans got nearer and nearer, you gripped on your blades tighter, sweat dripping by your chin as you gave a nod to Blanche and gestured for the girl to attack with you.  
   
“Make it back alive guys!” You heard a distant shout, but none of you girls could have spared a reply because you and Blanche were already airborne at the moment.  
   
You stabbed the titan in both eyes, a terrifying groan beating against your eardrums as Blanche had maneuvered herself to the back of the monster and sliced the nape with precision. Before the titan you have slain met with the ground, you were already onto your next and last target, executing the same moves of blinding and slicing before you landed on the ground with a brown eyed girl standing beside you.  
   
There were more titans coming, but they weren't as fast as the two you and Blanche have just killed.  
   
A neigh of the horse was then heard, Gareth and Kent mounting two separate horses that have stopped before you.  
   
“You ladies need a lift?” Kent smiled.  
   
“Don’t mind if we do.” Blanche said as she took Gareth’s offered hand and you took Kent’s.  
   
Allistair and Phoebe were sharing the same horse and looking back at their teammates from a considerable distance. Once all three horses have met up, the boys who steered the animals had flicked on the reins, ushering the horses to speed up with each desperate movement of the leather straps.  
   
“Almost there!” Gareth said as the opening of the forest was about ten minutes away.  
   
From the lush green trees, you could make out some cadets on the trees, looking at your group with the most sullen expressions on their faces, some titans decorated the sides of some trees, their hands trying so hard to claw at the trunk of sturdy trees that housed their food.  
   
You were so near.  
   
And you felt your heart painfully beating on your chest.  
   
But of course life was never all flowers and candy.  
   
Just five minutes away from the opening of the forest, some of the titans once desperate for the taste of your comrades on the trees had turned their attention towards your advancing group and peeled away from the rough barks to run over for this free meal.  
   
In a fit of quick thinking, Blanche had ordered for your group to turn left and go around the forest unlike what you originally planned. So far, because of the fast placed decision, you and your squad was able to outrun the giants on your tail, but then something happened that nothing, not even quick wits, could have stopped.  
   
From the sides of the forest you were taking the detour in, some titans revealed themselves from the tall woods and the next thing you knew, there was blood being sprayed. Red stains then marred your already disheveled form, your cheeks burning as some of the liquid splashed on it.  
   
But none of it was evaporating.  
   
And for a moment, time seemed to stop.  
   
“Allistair! Phoebe!” You shouted.  
   
“(F/n), focus!” Blanche said, and when you looked at your friend, the girl was visibly trying to fight back tears.  
   
“No… t-they…” You muttered, and looked back, your face contorting to absolute horror as you saw only halves of what made the full bodies of people who were just alive and breathing a moment ago.  
   
“There’s nothing we can do.” Kent said, his voice cracking a little bit by the ends of the sentence.  
   
Faint whirs of the 3DMG could be heard from the spot the titans emerged from, and just by the fast thumps on the ground from behind you, you concluded the titans currently chasing you were deviants like the ones you fought with earlier.  
   
You choked back a sob, your body becoming numb that you were willing to bet that you could get burned at a stake and not even shed a single tear because you couldn't feel pain anymore. From in front of you, Blanche and Gareth’s backs faced you, the two seemingly having a conversation that you couldn't hear to your utter dismay.  
   
“Kent.” Gareth muttered from the front.  
   
“Yes, sir?” The boy sharing the horse with you responded.  
   
“I don’t want you to panic.” The amber eyed boy said, his voice shaking a bit from something you couldn't discern at the moment.  
   
“You have my word sir.” Kent said before flicking the reins on his hand one more time.  
   
“These motherfuckers are going to catch up to us soon.” Gareth explained. “The horses are tired. I know because my father used to have a couple of 'em.”  
   
A small silence was heard as the two horses, containing what’s left of your present squad, separated just enough to have a giant foot land on the ground between them. Forcing your respective steeds a little faster and gaining a short meter of a distance from the deviants chasing you. You saw Blanche’s hold on Gareth’s torso become tighter.  
   
“I saw the Special Operations Squad in the cracks of the trees where these monsters came from.” Gareth continued. “If we can survive just a few minutes more, it’s possible for them to… but then these horses won’t last long and you don’t have to look back to know how fast these titans are. There’s no other choice.”  
   
“What are you going on about?” You muttered, your hands turning cold as you eyed the two people who were riding alongside you.  
   
Blanche stretched a hand out, not even caring how dangerous it was, and along with that hand, she faced you with a smile on her face before wiping away the tears that were forming on the corners of your eyes. Her brown eyes seemed so determined, but you didn’t know how that determination was fueled for something else at the moment.  
   
“(F/n).” Blanche began, tears beginning to fall from her porcelain cheeks.  
   
“Kent. You gotta make a promise for us okay?” Gareth said, your sights then averted themselves from Blanche’s face to meet amber eyes that had the same intensity as the caramel haired girl.  
   
“No—“ You began as Blanche retracted her hand from your face.  
   
“Continue forward as much as the horse can take you.” Gareth interrupted you. “Don’t stop.”  
   
Kent looked at the people riding beside you, the boy’s light hazel eyes portraying a silent promise that Gareth and Blanche nodded at.  
   
Blanche took a gulp then, as the girl brushed some of her caramel locks away from her face, the act simultaneously helping the girl wipe out the tears that dropped from her colored orbs. Gareth was silent by now, his breathing coming off as ragged and short, the knuckles grasping the leather reins now white from the pressure being exerted on them.  
   
“As Squad Leader and Second in Command of the first Repression Squad…” Blanche said with a shaky breath before her tone became dead-on serious. “We’re issuing you a new order.”  
   
Your two friends met each other’s gazes for a while, Gareth looking to his side for his amber eyes to meet Blanche’s chocolate ones. A nod was then given from your two commanding officers, before the ravenette and brunette opened their mouths at the same time to speak.  
   
“The protection of (F/n) (L/n).”  
   
As soon as the words came out, Gareth pulled on the reins of his horse, the animal coming to an abrupt stop with a neigh. The sounds of blades being drawn out were heard by then as the ground shook violently. With widened eyes, your two friends’ sentence finally clicked in your mind.  
   
“S-stop!” You shouted at Kent.  
   
But the light hazel eyed boy ignored you.  
   
“No!” You shouted. “Turn back!” You said as you made a grab for the reins but the strips of leather were yanked out of your hand’s reach.  
   
“Blanche! Don’t do this! Gareth!” You shouted, but you knew your voice was washed away by the winds and if they did reach, they were met with deaf ears. “Kent! I order you to stop! I am the third in comma—“  
   
A sickening crunch was then heard, and you looked back just in time to see someone fall to the ground, blades still gripped tightly in hand. A little ways from the fallen body, you saw a light caramel haired girl, with a hand encasing her legs.  
   
Sparkling brown eyes met your teary (e/c)s, blood faintly being seen on a corner of the girl’s mouth as the grass continued to spread wider. A battered right arm was then brought up, a tight fist forming on the end. Then there was that heartwarming smile, without the faintest hint of it being forced, as the girl’s fist rested on her chest in a proud salute.  
   
Her mouth opened up a little, a sentence barely being finished.  
   
Compatible to the salty tears dripping from your cheeks, blood trickled down a dirty forest green cloak as the hand on the girl’s chest had fallen limp with a jerking motion.  
   
“Shit!” Kent’s voice resounded as your ride did a swift turn to the left.  
   
Another titan had emerged from the forest, a 10 meter one that didn't fail to register the lone horse and its riders in its radar. A hand was then seen in your line of sight. The offending part of the titan then swiftly collided to the side of your horse, almost instantaneously causing the animal let out a pained neigh before landing on the ground soon after, motionless.  
   
You were in the air for a moment, then in the ground the next.  
   
A deep pain sprung from your head and you could feel liquid trickle down from your (h/c) tufts the moment your eyes met shades of lush green grass. You lay there on the ground with your breath hitching as you saw Kent a couple meters away, but the boy, if not dead, was unconscious.  
   
You couldn't look at your comrade anymore than an few seconds to confirm his state though, because a hand reached down to pick you up by the green drapery resting on your shoulders and you saw another familiar expression that ignited a burning rage inside you.  
   
It was a good thing your arms were free, and biting your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, you shot your wires dead-center on large colored orbs, the act causing the titan to let its grip on you go, to which your played to your advantage to get to its nape by retracting your wires from evaporating pools only to shoot them at the monster’s shoulder blades.  
   
As soon as you landed on hot flesh, you jumped backwards to give you enough space to perform a slice, but of all times you had to perform an inaccurate cut, the monster regenerating its sight before you could even realize your mistake and it had gripped you by the torso.  
   
The tight grip, which also encased your arms, caused your dull blade to crack beneath the titan’s hold, broken pieces of metal then protruding your sides as you squirmed. A pained gasp escaping your lips as a move caused a sharp scrap of metal to poke your skin.  
   
It wasn't that long when the titan’s slobbering mouth had relaxed itself, and you felt yourself falling. Before you could meet the ground though, someone was able to pry you from vile fingers and you landed on the ground, on the arms of a familiar face that was topped with two-tones of hair.  
   
“(F/n)?!” The boy called as he knelt down on the grass with you still firmly held in his arms.  
   
You couldn't bring yourself to make any effort to reply to the boy though, and all you could do is to cover your eyes with a bloody hand. The harshness of reality already taking its toll on you and you just broke down despite your many efforts to compose yourself.  
   
In the far off distance, you could hear members of the Scouting Legion trying to keep the aberrant titans contained. And pretty soon, you heard whirring sounds that seemed to have their direction geared towards you.  
   
Some light footsteps were heard later on.  
   
“Jean, how is she?” Someone asked.  
   
“I… don’t know.” The boy replied.  
   
A thought then came to you as you stopped your emotional outburst. You knew very well that this was not the time and place to wail like a child. You could cry all you wanted later, but right now you had priorities to do.  
   
“Kent…” You weakly muttered, pushing yourself up from Jean’s tight hold.  
   
“What?” Another voice said, one you could confirm belonged to Armin.  
   
You pointed a hand to the boy lying peacefully on the grass.  
   
Armin, seeing the person, rushed over to turn the figure so the blond could assess the damage. Pressing an ear to your comrade’s chest, a relieved expression showed itself on the blue eyed boy's features, one that at least alleviated the weight pressing down on your being as you knew Kent hasn't crossed the ‘other side’ yet.  
   
“(F/N)!”  
   
A voice called and you forced yourself to look at the direction where it came from to see two figures making their way to you. The person, who you assumed had called you, was a brunette squad leader whose enthusiastic face seemed nonexistent at the moment. Beside this woman was a boy with teal eyes, his face showing one of complete devastation as the wind coursed through his chocolate tresses.  
   
If there was one thing you learned today however, it was that life was literally a douche bag sometimes.  
   
And titans?  
   
For you to describe them at the moment might even make the captain’s profanities seem like the best sugar sprinkled compliments out there.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji! Eren!”  
   
You heard Armin’s voice call as three titans managed to run past the barrage of Scouting Legion members behind the two soldiers, two were quite faster than the ones before and one swung its hand to grab the brunette woman. Hanji squealed in delight as she evaded the titan easily, Eren on the other hand, looked completely angered as he pivoted himself around and was ready to sink his blade deep onto the titan’s neck so nicely presented to him.  
   
The emerald eyed boy was just about to make his cut, but the titan who was trying to grab Hanji had somehow spotted the brunette boy and decided that Eren was probably a better meal than the squad leader.  
   
You couldn't really understand what came over you at that moment, but you pushed Jean away the very moment you registered that the third titan, who was slower than the other two, had also begun a race for the brunette. Your hands quickly doing necessary motions to replace your useless blades with new ones.  
   
Reaching a reasonable distance, you brought yourself up in the air again as you wished on all the non-visible stars of the afternoon sky for your cut to be okay this time before you delved into the nape of the nearest titan, your wishes answered as the titan started to fall simultaneously with the one Eren killed just moments earlier.  
   
The brunette was about to send you a smile, the boy already on the ground by then, but the moment Eren did so much as look your direction, his face paled as he saw a hand quickly closing distance with you.  
   
You were able to retract your wires from their previous spot at least, when a shadow loomed over you as you were descending for a land.  
   
“(F/N)!” A variety of tones was heard, but it was already too late as the hand made contact with your already beaten-up body.  
   
Your eyes then automatically closed themselves as the wind was knocked out of your system from the impact that forced you into the nearby forest. A variety of colored greens passing your vision before your back collided with something hard.  
   
An instant darkness then taking you in a welcoming embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's exam month but here's an update! I hope you guys like this ^^
> 
> Thank you for being patient you guys! /////)/


	20. The 63rd Expedition: Returning

The faint orchestra of metal utensils against wooden bowls and ceramics resounded through the rather empty mess hall in a strikingly hot early afternoon.  
   
Well, the room wasn't really empty when you took a look at it. The mess hall was brimming with people who were tired from training as usual. But the inevitable absence of a handful of people overrides the many left behind who tried their best to force cheery conversations to pass by their lips.  
   
After all, people who weren't here were simply gone—erased from existence.  
   
_Dead._  
   
Yet despite the many tears shed and broken pleas by most, none of the cadets who mourned for the loss of their friends could best a certain group of three.  
   
Depression and sadness was common, heck even that enthusiastic brunette squad leader dropped her smile for a bit. But this little group of three, composed of once cheery occupants of beige, raven and auburn, it seems as if their emotions have been completely washed out as they held only impassive faces. Be it the day letters were given as condolences to the families of those who were forever lost, or the burning of the first batch of bodies of people they once knew.  
   
To pinpoint what they felt exactly was impossible, because their insides were a swirl of every emotion describable. Although outside, people were met with stoic facades, the insides were quite different. Were they Sad? Naturally. Depressed? Well if it wasn't obvious enough. Angered? Quite possibly. Betrayed? Yes, maybe that was it.  
  
Either way it was ironic, because despite this group of three being unnaturally composed and proceeding well with training, everyone knew a blatant fact about them:  
   
They were the most broken out of all.  
   
A loud clatter of the tray on the tabletop caused a girl’s dulled hazel eyes to look at a smiling brunette standing beside her. The smile met with a slightly agape mouth and faint purplish hues on the skin under the eyes.  
   
“Hello… Sasha.” A girl with auburn tresses muttered, giving a nod to her superior before bringing her face back onto the long cold soup that sat unappealingly in front of her.  
   
“Are you umm… going to eat that?” The brunette chirped with a grin, a forced enthusiasm lining her voice.  
   
“Thank you.” That was all that Sasha got as a reply when the girl she was talking to pushed the tray her way.  
   
Biting her lip, Sasha tried another shot at a smile, except it didn't really come as reassuring at all. Not that she could have done anything. A lot of her squad mates from the 104th have tried to cheer this girl and her two best friends up the past couple of days. But then no one has been successful in their attempts.  
   
They lost an important person in their lives after all—a very important person whose loss was comparable to that of a whole brigade’s.  
   
Well, in retrospect, everyone was devastated in some degree for the death of their brothers and sisters in arms. Some of the new cadets (most members of the 105th) even got angry momentarily at the higher ups when told that the mission of the previous expedition was the location of a supposed nest of aberrant titans that seemed to have collected themselves in the Forest Of Giant Trees, which was a well known tourist spot before the breach of Wall Maria.  
   
The speculations proved true, and only the best of the members of the legion—those who have served for more than two years or so—were tasked with the investigation of why these monsters were bunching up together.  
   
Even with the decapitation of the scouting squad left of formation, everyone was still relatively okay and safe from clutches of the normal titans who clawed at them from the bases of tall trees that outlined a forest. Nobody had any idea why they had to do that, but everyone complied anyway.  
   
Everyone was still sane by then. An hour came by and the rookies were still stationed on the thick branches. The squad leaders became a little alarmed though, when some of the titans lining the opening of the forest went to chase at a certain squad that just arrived. But everyone had faith in the Repression Squad and knew that this little group would be able to scale the trees in time.  
   
And maybe this group of six might have made it.  
   
But it was not in anyone’s expectations for a variety of deviant type titans to come barreling through the woods and emerge right at the side of the forest where the Repression Squad took off to. In a panic, some cadets and squad leaders tried to kill the titans, but the monstrous beings were just too fast.  
   
Blood was splattered everywhere, a certain girl with messed up red-brown hair had begun a sprint to save the squad, more particularly, to save a friend with (e/c) hues and (h/l) strands.  
   
Passing by the bodies of people she once knew, the auburn haired girl really tried her best to make it to her friend despite a certain corporal telling her to stand back. And when a titan blocked her view, she was able to kill it without much trouble.  
   
Bur then a shout was heard as the girl's victim fell to the ground lifeless, the name of her best friend leaving the lips of several people as a person was slapped into the forest with deadly force and speed.  
   
All in all, to summarize the expedition, it was a complete disaster in more ways than one.  
   
And although every single one of the rookies understood that being kept in the dark was necessary as there might have been spies in the faction. Just because you understand something, it doesn't necessarily mean that you had to just shut up and accept it right away.  
   
“So… you guys want to hang out later?” An encouraging voice was heard, the owner being the always kind blond petite called Krista.  
   
“I don’t think the captain would want us loitering around.” Devan responded after a short silence.  
   
“We have to pay our respects…” A girl muttered from beside Devan. “Today is the scheduled date for cremation of the second batch.”  
   
“Oh… r-right.” Krista managed to say, her cheery voice dampening a bit.  
   
“We can go out after then.” Sasha helpfully said.  
  
The sound of wood scraping stone was then heard, as a raven haired girl stood up, her shoulders stiff and rigid, hands at the end forming into tight fists that turned her knuckles white.  
   
“I’m not going.” Ysavelle muttered, her head hanging low.  
   
“What do you mean Ysa?” Devan asked.  
   
“I’m… going to the walls.” That was all that the ravenette said.  
   
Devan looked at his best friend, his mouth opening a little but closing itself abruptly. With a sigh, the boy with dark brown eyes had run a hand through his tousled beige locks, a frown visible on his features as he just waved the girl off because he wasn't sure if he could trust his mouth to speak without breaking down anymore. Beside Devan, Erian forced a smile that screamed depression.  
   
"See ya later Ysa." Erian mumbles from her seat. "Call..."  
  
The auburn haired girl took a moment to stop her talking, as tears have begun to pool in the corners of her seemingly life-deprived eyes.  
  
Everyone knew this was bound to happen. Aside from the commander and the captain, pretty much everyone couldn't be made with stone cold hearts.  
   
“Call me when you see (F/n).” Erian forced a smile.  
   
The girl with blue-gray eyes merely gave a nod with a smile before turning around and walking to the doors. When Ysavelle’s hand was placed firmly on the flat polished wood, a voice stilled her tracks.  
   
“It’s no use.”  
   
A small tint of anger settled onto the girl’s heart as she turned around. Looking back at the table, Ysavelle noticed her two best friends become more sullen than usual. It didn't take a long time for the raven haired girl to send a glare to the person who spoke, the words belonging to a certain boy with glazed light brown eyes and faintly messed up ashy brown and dark brown hair.  
   
“With all due respect, sir.” Ysavelle began, the last voice of her sentence seemingly full of resentment. “Please mind your own business.”  
   
Not leaving any room for another reply, Ysavelle the stalked away from the mess hall to make a stop at her room and retrieve her gear before heading over to the stables where a light cream brown coated horse was resting at.  
   
Opening the tall wooden doors of the stable, Ysavelle then gave her horse a pat on the head before the strenuous activity of attaching her 3DMG to her person. A streak of red against the metal contraption then caught the girl’s eyes, causing the ravenette to crouch down and hug her stomach, her lips trembling in uncontrollable emotions as a couple tears ran down pale cheeks and dropped to the bed of dried hay beneath her feet.  
   
A painful sob then resounded through wooden walls as the girl broke down for the first time since she came back from the 63rd expedition of the Scouting Legion that transpired just a week ago.  
  
It wasn't true. It just couldn't be.  
  
Bringing a hand up to her face, the girl with gray-blue eyes then started shaking as more of her suppressed emotions came out with the frustrated tears that left her. It just wasn't right when others told her about it. Maybe it was her childish repertoire or her stubborn personality, but the girl just couldn't bring herself to give up just yet.  
  
The body was never found anyway.  
   
“(F/n)… please…” The girl muttered coarsely to herself.  
   
This was just some game of hide-and-seek and a particular friend just happened to find a great hiding spot. A place so hard to find or so flawlessly concealed that even with the allotted one hour time the commander gave for a search party to scour through the forest, a certain (h/c) girl was never found.  
   
“You can't be dead.”  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
Images flashed through the darkness.  
   
Most of them were from recurring nightmares. Scenes of grotesque murders, cold metal bars, a maniacal grin that was as scary as the damn titans that pushed humanity inside a cage called the walls. Of course, these images have long since lost their appeal because this was a repetition for the hundredth or so time.  
  
When a new image was shown however, that was a whole different story.  
  
It was the picture of a beautiful girl with a heartwarming smile. But despite the gentle tone of the scene, it seemed more disturbing than the many memories of dying children. Light caramel strands framed this girl's face perfectly, bright brown eyes sparkling in the midst of a white backdrop as she gave a flawless salute.  
  
And then there was blood.  
  
With a gasp, your eyes opened in a startling speed, your body heavy with imaginary weights as you shook with deep strangled breaths that came along with a pounding head and tearful eyes. For some reason you felt numb, and no, it did not come from the many bruises and cuts your body has grown accustomed to.  
   
It was your heart.  
   
For some reason, the little beating device hurt so much like it was ripped out and cut to shreds then stepped on by the rest of humanity before the shattered thing was thrown to a burning furnace.  
   
You then felt a rough texture on your cheek, the sudden action causing you to jerk away. Consequently, your head then banged itself on a hard surface and all you could do was to let out a shout of pain and use your battered hands to hold the back of your head in a soothing manner.  
   
A neigh was then heard. Slowly, you looked up, ignoring the pain that was emanating from all parts of your body as your eyes met a horse of strong build, the animal’s tail swishing about and you couldn’t help but bring a hand up to pat the horse by a part above its nose.  
   
The horse gave you another neigh as it licked your hand. You then realized that the rough texture from earlier was the horse probably trying to wake you up by slobbering over a side of your cheek.  
   
“You’re…” You began when you noticed the familiar coat of milky brown that the horse had. “You’re Blanche’s…”  
   
You couldn't bear to finish the sentence as you cried again, the image of your friend dying replaying itself like a broken record in the confines of your skull. Your lungs burned as well as your throat, but you just couldn't bring yourself to stop crying.  
   
Blanche, Gareth, Allistair, Phoebe.  
   
You wouldn't be able to see their smiles ever again.  
   
But aside from that, you couldn't stomach the fact that the four died so suddenly without a proper good bye. Allistair and Phoebe weren't even given the chance to defend themselves. Gareth and Blanche on the other hand died to protect you. And for some reason you didn't understand why they did that.  
   
It was supposed to be you.  
   
Another neigh from the horse was heard, the animal then nuzzling the side of your head gently as if it could feel your pain and wanted to comfort you. (H/c) tresses then moved slightly with the animal’s movements as another sob escaped from your dried throat. A painful cough following afterwards as you hugged your knees close to your chest.  
   
_“Finish the expedition for me okay?”_  
   
You let out a whimper as you tried to choke back your cries.  
   
_“You’re someone I really look up to.”_  
   
The horse gave you another nuzzle.  
   
_“I’m sorry.”_  
   
You released the hold on your knees, your legs still staying bent as you used your hands to cover both your ears.  
   
_“This isn't your fault.”_  
   
Blanche’s last words bounced inside the walls of your head, a couple salty drops staining your clothes.  
   
To be honest, you might have stayed that way for a long time. But then a sharp pain shook you up from your misery. Looking to your side, you saw Blanche's horse eating from the patches of wild grass near where you were nestled at, its tail violently swishing about and it just hit you on your head in a hard manner.  
   
As if the animal intended to do that, its tail came pounding on your messy locks again and again, until you let out a small forced chuckle, and swatted the tail away gently before you grabbed some dried grass from the ground beside you and gestured for the animal to go eat from your hands.  
   
“This is my fault.” You muttered as Blanche's horse shuffled about to face you. “You’re owner died saving me. I’m so sorry.”  
   
The animal just stared at you for a while. You stared back at the horse, your teeth unconsciously clamping on your bottom lip. Blood registering itself on your taste buds as you resisted the urge to throw up.  
   
With your mind being less muddled up, you then glanced around your surroundings.  
   
You were in a forest, it was hard to tell because of the branches and leaves almost covering you, but you knew a forest when you see one and this was definitely one. Was it inside the walls though? You could vaguely remember the events leading to this, your head still hurting incredibly that you felt like wanting to rip your hair out. Of course, you could do no such thing as your hands hurt too. And maybe it was fine if that was the case but no, your whole body radiated pain as well.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji!” You called, and you were met with silence. “Captain Levi?! Commander Erwin!”  
   
The horse gave a neigh and looked at you for a moment before grazing the ground again.  
   
“What the fuck…?” You muttered to yourself in disbelief. “D-don’t tell me...”  
   
A deep vibration from the ground stopped you mid-sentence. A giant creature’s visage then entering your line of sight and you froze.  
   
This was definitely not the inside of the walls.  
   
Reality then dawned on you that the expedition was probably over, but then you stayed behind. And judging from the dried blood on your wounds and the chaffing of your clothes, the possibility that you have been out here for quite a while was high.  
   
Taking a gulp, you stilled when the titan glanced around. Your heart was then begging to stop its beating when the creature faced your direction, but then it was miracle that you weren't spotted and the monster began its slow walking, going farther and farther away from you.  
   
You were injured, and in damn titan territory too.  
   
“Looks like I won’t be able to finish the expedition for you Blanche.” You muttered as you closed your eyes and leaned back onto the trunk of a tree so conveniently placed before you.  
   
You figured you would just die anyway so why not just enjoy some last moments of silence? It’s either you get eaten by a titan in your attempt to make a return to the walls (and mind you, you had no idea how to actually get back either), or you might have already gotten a terrible infection from one of your many wounds and die soon anyway.  
   
The memory of your friends’ deaths then resurfaced from your mind. Coupled with those memories, pictures of your best friends and of the people who were important to you came up as well. Your eyebrows then scrunched themselves as you remembered how Erian would cry for days when you were sick and the little auburn girl wasn't allowed to see you back in Sina.  
   
“Fuck.” You seethed.  
   
The horse looked at your direction. And you gave a deep breath before grabbing onto the reins dangling by the horse’s chest. With an adequate amount of struggling, you managed to stand up with the help of the leather straps and you let go of them to lean back onto the trunk of a tree for support.  
   
Your gear clattered by your sides, the heavy metals seemingly weighing more than the usual and you patted through the twigs and leaves sprawled on the forest floor to find your hand-grips. Seeing the two small contraptions, you then raised it to eye level. A scowl adorning your features before you sighed and brought the grips to your side.  
   
With the push of the triggers, your wires shot out and clamped onto the low thick branch of a tree. Biting your bottom lip, you then planted your feet apart before using your wires to hoist you up the branch. A coat of milky brown then following your movements as you stepped on the wood and almost lost your balance.  
   
“Stay there Iris.” You called, the animal then giving you a swing of its tail before the horse went back for its lunch.  
   
You were at least relieved the horse seemed to know you. Blanche used to accompany you during stable duty after all, and the two of you would name the horses together for the heck of it.  
   
As you shook your head left and right vigorously, you ignored the surge of pain coming from the action. The palms of your hand then slapped your swollen cheeks. The slap proving more excruciating as you had the hand-grips loosely held, its cold metal digging into the delicate skin of your cheeks.  
   
“Now is not the time (F/n).” You muttered to yourself. “You fucking said you’d fight as long as you have your limbs intact.” You took another pause before you continued your moment of self-depreciation. “You have to make it back.”  
   
A loud rumble then filled your eardrums. In a fit of panic, you shot your wires up and swung yourself from branch to branch until you reached the highest height you could. You muscles ached by then, a couple wounds opening but you couldn't care less right now.  
   
Squinting your eyes, you were able to see a large expanse of a light grayish-brown blockade that was located far off into the distance. You contemplated for a little bit. That is a wall no doubt. But whether it’s the one that led to Wall Rose, or it’s the one with the large gaping hole of Wall Maria, you couldn't be sure at the moment.  
   
After making sure that you couldn't hear a set of large footsteps from beneath you, you then slowly leveled yourself down, a grunt escaping your lips when you made contact with the ground and caused a couple clusters of dead leaves crunch beneath the soles of your boots.  
   
“Iris.” You called to the horse that strayed a bit farther from where you left her, the animal then turned around before walking towards you.  
   
“Can you help me get back home?” You muttered as you brought a hand up to ruffle the horse’s tangled mane. A look of sadness made its way to your eyes when you registered the red hues and streaks that decorated the horse’s fur.  
   
A neigh was your only reply, followed by another rough lick on your hand that made you chuckle despite the depressing circumstances.  
   
Your 3DMG seemed to be working. But you weren't exactly sure if it was broken yet, though since it was able to help you climb a tree and back (you just made a bet with life and hoped you wouldn't die then), you figured the gear wasn't in that bad a condition.  
   
After quite a while of hard work, you managed to mount the horse. A tear threatening to form from your pools of (e/c) as you remembered the real owner of the steed. You didn't let any water drip anymore though. There would be quite a lot of time to hold a tantrum and dehydrate yourself later if you managed to get back to the walls. Which of course, you planned to do with all your might.  
   
It was Blanche’s last wish after all.  
   
And you planned to see that wish through.  
   
“Let’s go!” You shouted, flicking the reins in your hands and biting your lip to distract yourself from the stiffness of your arms.  
   
The last thing you registered after blacking out was a hand coming your way. You needed to get out of this titan infested forest as soon as possible, and maybe you can find your way back home after that.  
   
You haven’t encountered titans so far, but you knew this wouldn't always be the case for the whole ride home. For one, there were always titans lining the walls. If you do manage to get there in one piece, how could you even manage to get over the walls with the mess of broken bones that you were?  
   
“Tch.” You clicked your tongue as you maneuvered you and your temporary horse out of the thick shrubbery and monster-sized trees. “I’m not giving up.” You encouraged yourself, and then with one last flick of your reins, you broke away from the woods and made it to the sides of the forest.  
   
The bright sunlight assaulted your eyes, and you looked away for a bit to blink tears away before your sights adjusted themselves to the lighting and you were able to look up at the sky. There were a couple clouds out, a few gray fluffs way in the back. The sky was a mix of deep orange and yellow, the colors telling you that it was about past noon or so right now.  
   
After the little weather check-up, you then scanned the ground, your eyes flicking here and there as you stopped for a while. There were a couple titans, but they were far away and didn't seem to notice a piece of food waiting out in the open. Not that you were planning to be their lunch anyway.  
   
Your eyes then caught sight of a patch of red on the green grass. Bile rushing up your throat but you forced it down as you made Iris walk over to the spot.  
   
You felt your heart pounding harder against your rib cage when you looked at the dried blood on the ground, a couple canisters of the load from the flare gun strewed against the carpet of grass as well, the color blue indicating to you that an issue of retreat was given and the mission was probably a failure. The direction the metal cylinders were heading to led north, so that probably meant the wall you saw earlier was indeed your ticket back home.  
   
For a moment your mind wandered to the fact that you still had no idea what the mission was about. But you couldn't spare another minute to think when you realized distant figures stopping from their lazy walks, the direction their bodies faced, telling you that unless you had the need for being titan fodder, you had better make a run for it. And damn fast at that.  
   
“I-Iris!” You shouted, giving the reins a good fluctuation before you found the wind ruffling through your messy locks.  
   
Iris was speeding fast through plains of grass, the horse probably getting enough rest and that sole information made you furrow your eyebrows as you thought about how long you must have been stuck in that forest, sleeping without a care in the world in a place where titans roamed about.  
   
You didn't need to question your luck. A few incidents in your past proved you to be a favorite of Lady Luck herself. But of course your life didn't solely ride on that factor alone. You had friends that risked everything just to save you and you didn't want their deaths to have been in vain.  
   
A foot then made it into your vision, and you swiftly moved Iris to the side before you became a splattered mess on someone’s ankle.  
   
Commander Erwin said that in an expedition, killing titans were not your priority. Rather, the evasions of such creatures were necessary for a successful mission. And you planned to do just that. Though of course, you've long since considered the decision that when you’re backed into a metaphoric wall, you were going to have to fight your way through it. No questions asked.  
   
The clinking of metals against each other caught your attention and you looked to the side of Iris to see a flare pack still closed and safely attached to the sides of the saddle. Your eyes widened at the revelation and while still having Iris to move forward at top speed, you pried open the leather pouch and saw a flare gun inside, the metal device accompanied by three small canisters for the load.  
   
All three colors were green, and you loaded one into the gun just in case before you placed it back in the bag and securely closed it.  
   
Loud footsteps echoed behind you, and you dreaded the action but you didn't really like having to not know something so you looked back and your eyes widened to see about four titans by your tail.  
   
As if Iris was trying to get your attention back on the road ahead, the horse let out a rather loud neigh and the sound successfully gave you the motivation to stop staring at the vile monsters behind you and instead focus on getting away.  
   
“Thanks.” You muttered to the horse as you used a hand to ruffle its soft mane. “Would you mind a little detour?” You asked, though you knew the animal wouldn't even understand you.  
   
Seeing an abandoned village in your peripheral vision, you urged the milky brown coated mare to turn an abrupt left and you delved past broken houses and lifeless streets. The crumbling of cement behind you assured you that you were still being followed. But this was part of the plan anyway.  
   
“I’ll be back.” You told the horse, and then you shot your wires up onto the bell tower of what seemed to be a chapel and you eyed the beings heading your way with the most ridiculous faces you've ever seen.  
   
Waiting for the perfect timing, you were barely able to draw your blades out and manage getting out of the way before a hand came crashing down on your previous spot. With a fit of determination and ignorance for the discomfort rippling through your (s/c) skin, you then swooped down to slice the nape of the first titan who managed to make it faster to you than its other three companions.  
   
It was a good thing that the three titans who arrived a little later on were evenly spaced apart, so you were able to kill them all without leaving much of a strain on your gear’s gas. If you could be like the lance corporal though, you might have saved a lot more fuel and energy. But yes, sadly you’re not the corporal but that didn't really matter to you right now.  
   
Giving a shrill whistle, you attached your wires to a lower building and began a rough descent. Iris coming just in time when you finally had it in you to stomach another sob when you landed none too smoothly on the hard ground then littered with dissipating flesh.  
   
Mounting Iris again, then hiding your blades, you went back to your route while trying to ignore the panic bubbling inside you when you realized that the sun was beginning to set and soon you’d be engulfed in darkness. As you normally would have been, the darkness was so redundant to you that you felt no need to be scared by it anymore.  
   
Except now you had all reason to wallow in desperation because you were out in fucking titan territory. And night was fast approaching.  
   
After what seemed like half an hour, the sky had begun its ceremonious change of colors from warm palettes of yellow, red and orange, to the cold and opaque palette of navy blue and purple.  
   
The fact that you have managed to attract a couple more titans behind you was also unsettling and it was a good thing that they didn’t seem to be so spirited to eat you as they were slower than usual. Of course, you didn't mind it this way because you had to make it back before night completely falls. As such, to engage in battle would not only waste what little time you had with light, but it would also deplete whatever energy you and Iris had left.  
   
Iris was probably running for a couple hours now, and those hours were also embellished with swift turns, and eager avoidance of suddenly falling hands and feet. You on the other hand had about fifty meters long of a wall to scale with minimal gas, your last set of already dulling blades, and a variety of aching body parts and probably a broken rib cage.  
   
It was a great relief to you then, when you were finally able to make out the many stone bricks that made up Wall Rose.  
   
The handful of titans clawing at the walls? Not so much.  
   
A few stars had started to shine above, the sun already nearing its temporary demise and the moon was ready to take the spotlight for once.  
   
Doing a quick scan of the approaching walls in front of you, you concluded that you still needed at least ten minutes at most before you got near enough for your wires to reach the stone and successfully latch onto them. You’d have to abandon Iris a little earlier on and proceed by foot onto the walls. It’s not that you were suicidal, but you knew that Iris easily doubled up the size so the titans might notice you easier that way.  
   
An idea then made its way onto your mind and you took a gulp to weigh down your pros and cons. After reaching a conclusion, you reached for the flare gun nestled safely on Blanche’s flare pack, a hand covering your ears as you held the gun up with your dominant other.  
   
You had to do this.  
   
It was only logical because you might be mistaken for an intruder of some sort. Dying by the bullet of a Garrison soldier wasn't really in your bucket list of acceptable deaths. Of course, you might attract the attention of the titans this way but there was no choice.  
   
Pulling the trigger, a green line erupted from your hands as you neared the walls.  
   
As expected, there were a couple titans who looked your direction and you willed Iris to forgive you for your selfishness as you tried to make the mare double up in speed and head for the area less populated by titans.  
   
Iris’ tired neigh caused guilt to pool in your stomach. But you tried to ignore it as you gave the horse one more gentle ruffle on her mane for reassurance before you reinserted your blades back onto your hand-grips and took a deep breath.  
   
“Guess this is it.” You said to the horse. “Thank you.”  
   
And with that, you jumped off of the horse, a curse pouring out of your mouth at you bad landing but you continued to run forward, the wall just a small sprint away and the titans just an arm’s reach from you.  
   
With a hasty decision, you then shot your wires up the wall and you ran up despite your legs screaming to you for mercy. A hand was trying to make a grab at you from the side, luckily you've had enough experience with titans and their palms to last a lifetime so you were able to escape the clutches of the monsters (in very close calls at most).  
   
As you continued to shoot your wires higher and higher, your heart at least stopped banging against your chest when you knew you were high enough in the walls that a normal titan wouldn't be able to reach you. You then thought of the Colossal Titan but you quickly pushed the idea away as you didn't want to jinx yourself.  
   
A couple more shoots and runs later, you managed to make it to the ledge of the walls. The moon already bright up in the sky, your breathing coming off the very opposite of smoothly as each inhale and exhale was embroidered with hitches and coughs.  
   
Lithe footsteps then made their way to your person who was still dangerously close to the edge, your figure that was a little hunched over, your hands resting on your slightly bent knees as a cough sent a small amount of blood to litter your boots and the ground beneath it.  
   
“(F—F/n)…?”  
   
You hastily rubbed the corners of your mouth with the back of your hand, your ears telling you right away who owned the voice, but you just couldn't speak right now as your body lacked oxygen and was desperately demanding it now.  
   
“(F/n) that’s you... right?”  
   
The voice repeated.  
   
You only managed to look up a bit, tears pooling in your eyes as your stomach decided that it was the perfect time for you to throw up whatever food was left in you.  
   
(E/c) pools met with teary blue-gray ones. A raven haired girl then let out a small gasp at your perfectly clobbered up figure, the girl’s hand then trying to reach for you as if you would disappear if she didn't grab you.  
   
“(F—)”  
   
The girl began but you stopped her.  
   
You had a feeling you weren't going to keep yourself up any longer.  
   
“Ysa—” You managed to begin.  
   
But then all your systems just came crashing down for a much deserved rest.  
   
The last thing you could remember were muffled shouts of what you could only assume was supposed to be your name. Ysavelle’s hands then shakily held you as you almost crashed to the welcoming cold stone. A few sobs lingered in your ear soon after as someone nuzzled their head on the crook of your neck and you felt a painful yet comfortable hug.  
   
With the last of your strength, you managed to fend off sleep for a bit so you could lift a hand up and pat the ravenette’s unkempt locks. A smile forcing itself onto your face as you felt the hands of sleep pull you deep in its threshold.  
   
“I’m home…” **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✖ A/N: We've (roughly) reached the middle of the story with this chapter, and this is honestly the longest one I've written so far. Thank you for making it this far! If you guys don't mind me asking, do you guys like long chapters or shorter ones?
> 
> Please have a great day! ^^


	21. There's Something You Need To Know

Briskly walking past the corridors, a certain lance corporal was just about ready to break every single door that entered his line of sight, one too many veins already popped, a heart heavy as lead from the events of a previous expedition, and his hands tightly gripped a small stack of paperwork he had yet to read and comment about.

Muttering curses under his breath, Levi’s pace increased the moment he saw the familiar door of this damned squad leader who asked—no, demanded for his presence by way of a stuttering mess of a cadet with a sloppy salute and looked like the poor kid was going to piss himself.

It was probably about three or four in the morning by then. Meaning, another sleepless night had passed and it wasn't a nice thing to know. The had a mountain of paperwork to do still and he barely had any sleep for the past week. Although, it wasn't the paperwork that kept him up.

Rather, there was this certain girl who died on the 63rd expedition a little over two weeks ago and since then the man had troubles trying to get to retire for the night. Doing paperwork was just a side effect, seeing as the corporal knew he wasn't going to get any sleep anyway and wanted to be productive.

Except productive wasn't really what happened to him.

But just when he finally got the determination to actually do his work and was about ready to tackle another horde of crap that took the form of strips of paper. A damned cadet came bursting through his door without as much as a knock. The said cadet, who Levi concluded was probably one from the recent batch of recruits, then took about five minutes just to properly say that Hanji needed him in her office right away for something important.

It was normal for Levi to decline Hanji's invitations.

The first time he actually went and had a crash course of titan history, Levi decided he wasn't going to go through that hell again. But something about this invite seemed quite different. For one thing, it was always the brunette herself who went to the corporal's office if she wanted someone to share titan stories with. Two, the squad leader's room was just two halls away, so it was intriguing why despite the small distance, the woman with russet hues had to send a cadet to inform him.

The fact that Hanji has been rarely seen outside her office for the past week was also an abnormality in its own. Levi figured there might have been experiments to work on, but every time the captain would go grab a cup of tea to soothe his nerves, a teal-eyed titan shifter would always be there going about his daily routines. That basically meant tests weren't being run on the guy and Hanji was busy with other things.

Things of which, the captain had no idea what it was. But the commander knew, and some ravenette girl who was best friends with a deceased cadet also knew as well.

If you had to ask him about his curiosity, he definitely was curious about the secrecy between the three people. But of course Levi wasn't the type of person who liked to stick his nose in business that wasn't his (unless maybe it had to do with keeping a particular set of boys away from a certain (e/c) hued girl—but since the girl was dead, there was no need for that anymore)

In any case, with a wave of his hand, the captain dismissed the person turning into mush before him.

Left to his own again, Levi took a deep breath and grabbed a random stack of clipped papers before leaving the room. He wasn't really expecting anything good to come out of this early morning visit, and if Hanji was going to murder his eardrums with another long tale of Sonny and Bean, he might as well have something actually useful to do.

And that brings us to the current situation.

Reaching his destination, Levi tried his best to contain himself and with a huff before the stoic man kicked the door of Hanji's office open in an irate fashion. His eyes scanned the newly revealed space before him and you could just faintly hear that last string of patience snap when the captain registered the cluttered desk and the simply empty place.

The back of the door Levi just kicked then slammed hard onto the stone wall. The sound from the impact bounced off of the walls and it may have just woken up a couple people on the nearby rooms but the captain couldn't have cared less.

Impatient tapping of the foot then resounded after, only to still themselves when a brunette popped her head out of the door of a connected bedroom, a cheery expression on her face that didn't fail to drop Levi's features to complete murder intent. The man couldn't see inside the room, not that he wanted to anyway, but the way the brown haired woman seemed to be hiding something from him only proved to irk the corporal more.

"Glad you could make it Levi!" Hanji said in a squeal-like shout and then the brunette just suddenly looked like realization had dawned on her as the woman slapped a hand to her mouth.

Now this was definitely a rarity and Levi was getting suspicious.

One would never expect the woman to shut up. It was Hanji of all people we're talking about after all.

"Did you fucking hit your head or something?" Levi said in his usual stoic demeanor.

The squad leader in front of him just glanced around to look inside the room as if checking on something before the brown haired woman brought her attention back to the obviously pissed off captain who was standing by her office's doorway.

"I don't have all day shitty glasses." Levi muttered.

"The day has barely started though." Hanji quipped.

The man, under normal circumstances, would have definitely kicked this woman's face in. If you have to be truthful about it, it was actually a miracle of some sort that the brown haired person was still breathing this very moment. Levi didn't really want to dirty his clothes too, and his mind wandered back onto his unkempt desk that definitely had to be slated for cleaning later in the day.

Deciding that this was a waste of his precious time, the lance corporal just gave his comrade a glare.

"If you're just going to keep shitting with me, I'm going back." Levi scoffed and turned around.

"W-wait Levi!"

In a panic, the brunette squad leader took the man by the wrist in a strong hold. In a split second, Levi turned around to face the woman again, his abrupt movement simultaneously yanking his hand away from Hanji's grasp. And if it was possible, the corporal's glare just turned a hundred shades murderous.

“What the fuck do you want?” Levi spat harshly.

“Aha…” The brunette rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. “It’s about someone…”

“Just spit it out.” Levi sighed. “I don’t have the time to deal with your shit and unlike you; I actually have paperwork to do.”

There was silence for a while between the two authorities in the faction. Hanji was being incredibly silent for once and it has been the first time that Levi spent about ten minutes with the woman without hearing anything related to titans.

It was shocking to say the least.

But Levi definitely had no complaints about that matter.

“So… err…” Hanji began after about a minute of silence, the brunette squad leader then lacing her hands together. “How are you lately?”

“Are you fucking serious?” Levi scoffed.

Hanji gave a nod coupled with another smile and the captain was seriously considering the option of detaching the door of the office from its hinges. Despite being vague, Levi knew exactly what Hanji was talking about and the man didn't like the way this conversation was steering at.

Levi was probably going to give another curse word out to the brunette, but the man couldn't do so when a number of footfalls resounded from the hallways outside. A few muffled complaints and yawns echoed through the walls and the faint yellow light turning brighter every second told the captain that he probably wasn't the only one invited to this office.

Pretty soon, a group of people stood by the doorway. And Levi didn't have to ask just to know that these cadets were forced awake from their slumber.

“What is going on?” A blond boy asked as he rubbed sleep away from his sea blue eyes.

The group who came into view was basically everyone in the 104th and a small group of three; a girl with pitch black hair tied into a messy bun was at the front and center. This told Levi that the petite girl was probably an accomplice of the brown haired squad leader who then clapped her hands together and had a wide grin on her face.

“You made it!” Hanji said in a singsong voice, the woman then ushering every one inside her office room before the squad leader closed the widely opened door and locked it. After making sure the door couldn't be opened from outside, Hanji then strode over to her previous spot in front of her invited guests.

“Ysa…” An auburn haired girl muttered from behind her friend. “I love you and all, but I do not appreciate being woken up when I just basically slept an hour ago.”

Instead of replying, Ysavelle walked over to Hanji with the lamp on her hand, giving a soft yellow glow to anything around it.

And before anyone else could ask for the umpteenth time what the heck was going on, the raven haired girl faced her captain and comrades with a deep bow. The ravenette’s hands were holding her slightly bent knees, and the squad leader merely gave the back of the girl’s head a smile.

“Am I the only one who has no fucking idea what is going on?” A boy with two tones of hair spoke from the back of the group.

“I think we’re pretty much together in this, Jean.” Connie muttered from the side.

“I am giving you ten seconds to explain yourselves.” Levi said, his aura as dark as the dawn outside. The man was glaring at the squad leader by then.

By now, Ysavelle had straightened her back and was standing stiffly beside Hanji, the girl looking obviously anxious about something. The brown haired woman on the other hand, wasn't fazed or anything by the underlying threat of the corporal’s words. When you work with the guy for five years and more, you get used to it.

Nevertheless, beating around the bush wasn't going to do anything at the moment.

Different colored orbs then followed the squad leader as the person walked to the door leading to private quarters. And placing a hand on the door knob, Hanji gave a mix of a serious and playful look to the people curiously staring at her.

“Before I let you in, you guys have to promise not to make too much noise.” The brunette said in a relatively low voice.

A few people looked at each other before giving a nod to the brunette. Levi on the other hand was stoic as usual. But everyone, with the exception of Ysavelle and Hanji, was equally intrigued about what the other side of this door held.

“I will answer all your questions later.” Hanji said with a smile.

The door leading to the squad leader’s sleeping quarters then creaked open, a couple faces trying to catch a glimpse inside but it was hard to see with the room being dimly lit, the only light in that area coming from the beams of the moon that seeped through an open window.

With little inspection, everyone was able to see a figure sleeping peacefully on what was supposed to be Hanji’s bed. The faint sound of breathing resonated in the air, and everyone focused their eyes on an off-white blanket that moved up and down in a steady rhythm.

“What question should we be hav—”

A teal eyed boy began to speak, but an auburn haired girl cut his sentences. The said girl took no time to waste as she pushed herself inside the room, behind her was trailing her beige haired best friend. These two looked reluctant as they walked briskly but carefully to the bedside where the mystery person lay.

A small whimper was heard from Erian’s lips by then, the girl’s hazel eyes turning glazed with relief and disbelief. Everyone who stood by the doorway of the bedroom was a little confused at the action, more so when Erian fell to her knees in a slight thud, Devan’s breath hitching as his hazel eyed best friend started digging through the sheets to reveal a pallid hand, only to clutch it tightly.

Broken sobs wracked through the room, Ysavelle had walked over to her best friends, about to say another apology but the auburn haired girl latched onto her, Erian’s tears staining the raven’s military jacket and Ysavelle couldn't help but hug her friend back. Devan was silent for a while, but the faint taps on the floor told a lot of people that the beige haired boy had tears slowly streaming down his face.

“What is going on?” Connie muttered by the doorway, his golden eyes adjusting to the dark but not enough to distinguish the person three people were crying over.

“It’s…” Erian began, but the girl could continue as a terrible cough pushed its way up her throat.

Hanji took it upon herself to finish the sentence though.

“It’s (F/n).”

“Come again?” Reiner said.

“It’s (F/n).” Hanji repeated with more stress on the last word.

“This isn't the time for jokes Squad Leader Hanji.” Armin muttered.

“It's not a joke though Armin.” The squad leader said with an apologetic smile.

A girl with a red scarf pushed herself past the group and walked over to the crying mess of her subordinates by the bedside.

It wasn't that obvious, but Mikasa was among the people who worried a lot for the (h/c) haired girl. The silvery eyed girl wasn't so good at expressing her emotions. But if you asked her though, then you wouldn't be denied of the fact that when Mikasa heard about the death of a certain junior, she definitely hit rock-bottom for a while.

Standing at the bedside, the girl pushed her red scarf down a little as she looked at the sleeping figure in front of her. Absentmindedly, a hand was then used to brush away some stray locks that covered a peaceful face.

The look on the usually stoic girl's face softened a little, and that was all it took for everyone to come rushing over to Hanji’s bed in hasty yet silent footsteps.

“Aren’t you going to see her shorty?” Hanji said in a grin at the man leaning by the wall next to the open doorway of the room.

“How long has this been?” Levi said concisely. The corporal’s feelings at the moment, was big mess of relief and anger at being kept away from this information.

If this was how the other members of the Scouting Legion felt when details of the expeditions were kept from them, then Levi completely understood now the angry and betrayed looks.

“(F/n) came back a week ago.” Hanji explained, her words meant for everyone else in the room that must have had a thousand pages worth of questions to ask.

“Erwin knew about this?” Levi asked.

Hanji gave a nod.

“W-why didn't you tell us? When exactly did (F/n) come back? How? Ysa, did you also know about this?” Erian muttered from the floor, the hazel eyed girl threw question after question as her waterworks finally reached a standstill.

The ravenette beside the auburn girl merely gave a nod to answer the last question. After that, a small silence was observed before Hanji finally found the words to say and begin this session of question and answer.

“It’s unbelievable really.” Hanji started. “There were reports from the Garrison soldiers on patrol, of a green flare being shot outside the walls just early in the evening exactly one week ago.”

“Are you telling us… that (F/n) went back to the walls alone?” Armin muttered.

Ysavelle and Hanji simultaneously gave a nod.

“Of course that is what we believe in. And judging from the strains on her body, there’s evident proof that (F/n) traveled alone.” Hanji paused for a while and bit her bottom lip slightly. “But of course, there are speculations and rumors going around. As such, (F/n) might be slated for trial soon.”

“But (F/n) isn't a traitor!” Erian said a bit loudly. “You all know that!”

“Umm… w-when will the trial take place?” Eren said from his spot near the nightstand by the bed.

The boy with emerald eyes definitely knew what a trial was and how straining it could be. Though of course the circumstances were different, Eren just couldn't imagine the girl of his affections being handcuffed or tied to a post, completely vulnerable in a place full of people with guns and had bricks for ears.

“I know what you two are thinking.” Hanji said to the titan shifter. “But it’s okay, Commander Erwin and I are trying to make necessary arrangements about (F/n)’s case. And to answer your question Eren… I said ‘might’. There may or may not be a trial and if there will be, it won’t be held anytime soon at least.”

All eyes fell onto the brunette, and Hanji tried to force a smile.

“One of the reasons why we didn’t plan on telling you guys was because generally, the doctors and nurses who came here said that (F/n) didn’t have a good chance at surviving. It would be unbearable to get your hopes raised up just for it to get smashed back down.”

“(F/n) looks fine though.” Devan said after further inspection.

“Yes. Somewhat.” Hanji said as she rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “The wounds and broken bones are healing considerably well. But since the first time she was brought here, (F/n) has basically been like that.”

“What do you mean?” Bertholdt asked, the tall man standing relatively near the window with Reiner.

“I mean it as it is.” The squad leader said reluctantly. “(F/n) is alive but then she hasn't woken up ever since.”

A small creak from the bed then broke the sullen atmosphere in the room and all eyes went over to your sleeping figure, your (s/c) skin was matted with sweat and tears have begun dripping through the sides of your closed eyes. Your bruised and bandaged hands have begun clawing at the sheets as your face displayed complete despair.

It didn't take half a minute for a couple of people in the room to know what was going on.

Hanji hurriedly left her place by the foot of your bed and ran over to her office. Sounds of faint clutter then filled the room as the woman started to rummage through her drawers that contained a couple medical knick-knacks. Erian scrambled to her feet with Ysavelle and the two pushed away the covers that seemed to be suffocating you.

Devan on the other hand, was trying to hold you down by your shoulders as you have begun to thrash around in your sleep.

Aside from your three best friends trying to restrain you, the rest of the people who were left in Hanji’s bedroom just stared at the bed in varying degrees of worried looks. Some time along the way, a few people (the girls mostly) decided to try and help though they had no actual idea what to do.

Hanji came bursting through the door a few moments later, in the brunette’s hands was held a small bottle with a rubber cover, and behind the girl was a new face, a nurse probably and the two hurried over to the bedside. On their approach, Erian and the others backed away a bit. Hanji then gave a nod to the nurse beside her, the nurse giving a quick nod before taking the bottle from Hanji’s hands and loading it to a syringe that seemed to have been taken from thin air.

The needle was then stabbed deep into your neck, making some of the girls cringe at the hasty way it was done. A few seconds later your body began to stop its thrashing and you went back to sleeping peacefully. The nurse, having emptied the syringe, proceeded to take it away from your skin carefully. But before the woman could give Hanji a nod to say everything was fine now, a pair of hands grabbed the person by the cloth on her neck.

Seeing this, Hanji leapt to the medic’s rescue but the squad leader’s efforts to pry the captain’s hands away from the cloth in its grip proved futile. Giving a somewhat tired sigh, the brunette then settled for talking some sense into her friend.

It took every fiber in Levi’s body to not drop the nurse harshly, and as soon as he had set the girl down, Hanji stepped in between them. The squad leader muttered a quick sorry to the nurse who just smiled back but ran out of the room as fast as possible to flee for her life.

Pretty soon, a knock resounded by the door of Hanji’s office. And before the squad leader opened the door, she gave one last look to the people crowded in her room.

A few mutterings and Hanji’s usual lighthearted laugh resounded from the connected office. Everyone was starting to get impatient by then. But just before Levi was about to drag the brunette back for an explanation, the sound of a door softly closing was heard. Two sets of footsteps then followed, one was Hanji’s lithe and happy steps, while the other was precise and heavy.

The captain didn't need to see the face to know who the other person was.

“What was in that thing?” Sasha asked, referring to the now empty syringe by the nightstand. By now, two superior officers have walked in the room.

“It’s just going to make me numb or some shit. I don’t know.”

A familiar voice silenced everyone in the room. The voice was borderline faint, obviously tired and huge ton hoarse. But everyone knew who owned that voice and all eyes traveled across rough sheets to meet with (e/c) orbs that were glazed with fatigue.

“(F/n)!” Erian shouted and you felt panic surge through you when you were sure the girl would tackle you to death.

Lucky for you, Devan was fast enough to grab the auburn haired girl by the arm.

“Thanks Dev.” You weakly said, and then your eyes widened as you felt what tasted like rust and iron surge up your throat.

Hurriedly sitting up, you clutched at the lower half of your face as you began to cough loudly, each action pumping out salty blood out of your mouth and staining the once white sheets of Hanji’s bed. You tried to apologize, but another burning sensation from your throat told you otherwise.

Everyone was looking at you in shock. Some of the people who realized the brevity of the situation scrambled about to get some water and towels.

“(F/n), I want you to calm down okay. Try your best to keep everything down.” Hanji said from beside you as the woman started to rub comforting circles on your back.

As soon as a glass of water hit your sights, you shakily held it up and chugged the contents as quick as possible. The aftertaste of blood still lingering on your tongue but you tried your hardest to not to disgust everyone else anymore.

“It’s filthy.” Levi muttered after a short while.

“Oh, well, did you just notice that now?!” Erian said in an agitated tone.

“Erian.” A voice said from behind the auburn girl and Erian just settled for biting her bottom lip as tears surged the corners of her eyes. “You better clean up (F/n). Devan, Ysavelle, Hanji. Go with her.” Erwin said in his controlled voice.

All four of the people the commander called complied to his request and as soon as you were carefully led to the small bathroom connected to Hanji’s bedroom and the door was closed. Erwin gave a sigh and looked at the cadets before him.

“Can I trust you guys to clean this up?” Erwin asked.

“Y-yes sir!” A chorus of shouts erupted and people went out of the room to get some cleaning supplies from the storage closet just down the hall.

“How long have you known them?”

Erwin looked to see his captain still inside the room and leaning on the wall by a cabinet.

“About seven years ago.” Erwin replied. “A year before I recruited you in the Scouting Legion.”

The distaste on Levi’s features was terribly visible, but after a short while, Levi just left the room and began ordering the cadets to hurry up. The corporal’s paperwork long forgotten as the man made his way to the storage closet as well.

When you got out of the bath and was cleaned up from head to toe, Erian and Ysavelle helped you dress up (even though you stubbornly said you could do it on your own). Afterwards, when you were fully clothed and your hair was dry, Hanji and Devan let you sit by the side of the bath tub, and began to treat your wounds.

It wasn't that long when you were all patched up and ready to go.

It was a relief that the bathroom in Hanji’s room was relatively big enough for you and your friends to occupy at the same time. You liked the steam and the warmth of it as well, but you knew you couldn't stay here forever.

Once out of the bathroom, Devan gave you a look as if to ask you a question and then the beige haired boy scooped you up to deposit you to the newly made and cleaned bed in the vicinity. You didn't have the strength to fight so you just let your best friend carry you.

There were a couple of envious looks too, but that escaped your radar somehow.

Once safely sitting on the bed, with your back and head leaning against the headboard, your three best friends excused themselves reluctantly from the room to clean themselves up from the stains you accidentally gave them. A promise to come back soon was heard and after a soft thud of a distant door, you cowered into the sheets when you noticed people intensely staring at you.

“You have a lot of explaining to do (F/n).” Sasha said from her temporary spot beside you.

You just gave an awkward smile by then. “I know.”

This day was bound to happen anyway, it’s just that you didn't picture it as being this kind of scenario where you weren't sure if your friends were going to murder you or if they were going to give you a scolding of a lifetime.

The room was already flooded by the early morning rays of the sun at the time, and you couldn't help but feel more nervous as multicolored pools studied every single injury and cut that painted your skin.

You didn't know how long the silence spanned. But the sound of a door closing and your best friends’ entry into the room told you that this atmosphere has been here for a good amount of time already.

“Alright, now that we’re all here!” Hanji said with a clap of her hands.

“Wait.” Devan said as he looked at you for confirmation.

“Everyone’s going to know sooner or later.” You sighed, and Hanji just gave you a reassuring grin.

“So… since (F/n) is still on recovery, I’ll be the one to tell you guys what’s up.” Hanji said in her usual chirpy voice. “No where do we start…” She hummed, giving a sideways glance to the commander who was just standing nearby.

“I’m sure you all know what happened, the year 845.” Erwin stated.

You tensed up at his words and looked at Erian and Devan. These two vividly remembered that year. It was the year their parents died after all. You expected the auburn and beige to look sullen but instead they just looked determined, impassive even.

“That was the year the titans breached Wall Maria.” Eren muttered.

“That’s correct.” Hanji said. “But there was something else that happened that year. Precisely near the end of it. The breach of the walls was such a shock to everyone on the outer walls that other… chaotic events inside were overshadowed.”

“What are you getting at shitty glasses?” Levi said impatiently and Hanji just gave him a serious look for once.

The room’s atmosphere seemed to have dropped to zero and everyone was staring intently as the brunette squad leader. You felt a hand squeeze yours and you were met with bluish gray eyes that was trying to tell you that you’ll be fine.

This subject of your past has always been taboo and it was something that everyone gladly complied with not speaking about of again. Of course you knew you couldn't keep this secret in forever. No matter how much you tried to run, the claws of your past would slowly drag you back to its cage.

A loud clearing of the throat stopped you from your bad thoughts, and only then did you realize that you were closing your eyes tightly because everything was black.

Opening your moistened orbs, you were met with Hanji’s brown eyes. The squad leader then giving you a reassuring smile and you gave a shaky nod.

“We’ll begin the story with Sina.”

A cold breeze filled the room, making goose bumps race up your arms. You then tried to not break Ysavelle’s comforting hand that you have been squeezing since earlier.

“Specifically, ‘The Hundred Titan Massacre’.”

“That sounds familiar…” Armin said. “It was on some paper on the small library back at the training camp.”

“Ahh, now that you think about it…” Krista said. “That was a horror story some training officers said to get us to sleep early.”

“So you guys do know about it?” Hanji asked.

“Yeah, it’s the story about how a hundred titans were killed by some Military Police officer.” Reiner scoffed. “It was odd though, because I think the story said the titan kills were done monthly?”

“Wait… didn't the story say one titan was never killed?” Jean said.

“Hanji.” Levi’s dark voice resounded throughout the room and effectively shut up the blubbering mess of cadets before him. The brunette squad leader eyed the man and just gave out an apologetic smile while the rest of the 104th turned as stiff as a board.

“The story is real.” Hanji said after a fake cough. “You guys have a few details missing though.”

“It was a Military Police officer who killed the titans. But the ‘titans’ in the story is a representation of children. And those children were heartlessly killed the same way we kill those beasts.” Erian said in an angry tone.

“By the nape of their necks?” Bertholdt asked in an unsure voice.

“Yes.” Hanji said.

“And that child who wasn't killed…” Sasha spoke silently.

“That would be (F/n) (L/n).”


	22. Behind Closed Doors

The Hundred Titan Massacre

   
In the latter part of 845, reports of missing children emerged from families in the inner wall, Sina. After a total of about thirty seven lost cases in the span of two months, the Military Police Brigade issued an order for the people of Sina to take extra precaution and not let their children out at night. Subsequently, a curfew was given out as investigation of the kidnappings began.  
   
However, the missing cases did not end. If anything, it escalated and by the end of the year, a total of seventy three missing children were reported. The people of the inner wall mutually agreed to a lock-down and limited the times they would leave their homes. Families that lost their children were beginning to lose hope that their daughters and sons would return home.  
   
Even after weeks of searching, the Military Police had no leads to the perpetrator of the scheme. The royal court administrators and the commander-in-chief of all three military factions decided that the case was getting out of hand. Early in the year of 846, access to the inner wall by residents of Wall Rose and the late Wall Maria was closed by the Military Police. The decision to call in help of the Scouting Legion and the Stationary Guard was put into place.  
   
Missing children cases ended a two days after the gates of Sina were closed to the outside walls. The last filed report stated that a total of one hundred children were now missing. In order to solve the case, members of the military asked for the cooperation of Sina’s residents and warrants to search houses were approved and put into action.  
   
The first lead to the case was seen near the Military Police HQ a little more than a year after the closure. The lead was a simple note written in deep red ink:  
   
_‘Weekly, the noise is toned down by one._  
My condolences to the family whose children I have slain.’  
   
After a joint effort by all the military factions, and on the basis that weekly murders of the kidnapped children have begun at the week of the first missing case, a total of sixty three deaths were confirmed.  The general public was informed of the current situation and families of all victims began to grieve for their children.  
   
When almost two years have passed since the first missing child was reported, the Scouting Legion and the Garrison were relieved of their obligation in helping with the case. People have begun to populate the streets again, but children were still seldom seen outside. It was assumed that out of the one hundred sons and daughters taken, only one or two remained.  
   
On the day that the Scouting Legion was preparing for their return to their headquarters, a group of cadets from the said faction began a last patrol along a deserted alleyway in Stohess heard a faint sound from a nearby house that was said to be abandoned since the fall of Wall Maria.  
   
After reporting this matter to the Military Police, the house was forcefully accessed.  
   
Not long after the intrusion, lithe footsteps were heard from a staircase leading to a presumed basement. A girl with a tattered dress then emerged from the steps, and in her hands was tightly held a dulled blade that greatly resembled the ones on the 3DMG. A maniacal laugh resounded underground, causing a member of the Scouting Legion to run up to the little child and carry her outside.  
   
A gunshot was heard a little after the girl was whisked to the outside of the quaint household. The faint thud of a falling body then rang in the ears of many.  
   
When the military investigated the basement, a grotesque little room was shown. There was a large cage in one side of the wall, dried blood staining each and every metal bar. Although there were no bodies found in the said room, evidence was found that the children were killed by the nape of their necks in a brutal fashion.  
   
The little girl who was found inside the house was soon confirmed to be the last remaining child that survived the slayings. And after a month of being in military custody, the girl was returned to her family safely. Little is known of the survivor’s identity however, as the name was denied to the public.  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
Silence was the only response when the brunette squad leader had finished retelling a memory you so wanted to hide in the very back of your mind.  
   
You had no idea how long the atmosphere had succumbed to such a state. And though you didn't like how mute everyone was being, you didn't know what to do or say to alleviate the tension building up in Hanji’s bedroom. Should you just pass it as a joke? A thing of the past? Tell everyone that you were fine even though you were visibly not?  
   
You were tongue-tied at the moment though, so you just settled for having your (e/c) orbs pasted to the crevices of the sheets pooling by your waist, your hands then tightly clutching the bedding beneath the blankets. From the open window, the symphony of rustling leaves and faint chirping did little to calm the rapid beating of your heart.  
   
After a minute or so of trying to work up the courage, you forced up a smile and finally looked up from the dull sheets.  
   
Your friends were looking at the floor for some reason, or the bed post or the window or even the damn wall. None of the multicolored orbs in the room were focused on you and for some reason this fact irked you. It was an undeniable fact that you looked completely battered and even you had to agree that some wounds and bruises marring your skin were unsightly.  
   
But the last time you checked, being strewn with bandages and cuts didn't look that revolting.  
   
Clearing your throat, you managed to snag the attention of a few people.  
   
“I… umm…” You began but paused right away. A part of you was then half cursing at yourself when your resolve to get out of this situation was dampened by the blank stares of your comrades.  
   
A hand was then placed on your shoulder and you were met with Devan’s brown eyes. One look at the beige haired boy’s face and you knew that you couldn't get out of this place unless the matter was closed properly. Devan was asking you a question, or maybe the more appropriate term would be that he was asking for your permission. In any case, no words needed to be exchanged for you to know what your best friend was referring to.  
   
Giving a sigh and a curt nod, Devan began fishing for something in his trouser's pocket.  
   
Retrieving a small strip of paper that was obviously crumpled for more than a couple hundred times, your best friend gave you one last look before handing the piece of paper to Hanji. The squad leader was a little confused at first, but took the paper anyway and delicately opened it as if the slightest touch would rip the thing to shreds.  
   
You fought the urge to ask Hanji to treat the paper for the actual scum it was. But then you could still feel that urge to fill up a bucket’s worth of red dye. So you just settled for a deep sigh and pressed your back harder onto the headboard of your borrowed bed.  
   
For a moment, you glanced at the brown eyed woman, your heart racing a bit as you saw Hanji’s expression turn a small shade darker. You had no need to tell the woman to treat the scrap harshly anymore as you were pretty sure the deed would be done soon. But then the squad leader didn't do what you hoped and instead passed the paper wordlessly to the calm commander at an arm’s length away.  
   
Facing you, you could have sworn this was the first time you saw an actual tint of anger on Hanji’s features.  
   
And you didn't like that one bit.  
   
“(F/n).”  
   
Yep, that definitely sounded angry.  
   
“When did you get this?”  
   
You pursed your lips a little and you looked down onto the sheets again. You were pretty sure that if you kept the silence for a little bit more, Erian would most likely answer the question for you. Except you had a mouth and it was only right to use it. To be treated like a glass doll was always something you hated anyway.  
   
“It was the day you guys called back the 104th squad from the training camp.” You muttered quickly, looking up just in time to see the stoic captain walk from behind Hanji to go to the commander. In one swift move, Levi had swiped the paper from Erwin’s grasp, the gray eyed man furrowing his eyebrows after he saw what seemed to be some shitty brat’s doing.  
   
At least to the captain, that’s what it looked like.  
   
“Care to elaborate?” Levi said in his calculating stare. A couple of the people from the 104th began to huddle around the captain just to see the contents of that small piece of paper.  
   
“He won’t be satisfied unless he hits the hundred mark.” Erian muttered darkly.  
   
“Wha—”  
   
“Hanji, make a report for this to the Military Police." Erwin muttered urgently, successfully cutting Jean from asking for an in-depth explanation. At the commander's words, the brunette squad leader hurriedly gave a salute before snatching the small scrap of paper held in Armin's fingers.

It was silent for a while before Hanji came back from her office in her usual chirpy attitude. “Oh yeah, (F/n), I think it’s time for you to have a reunion with your friends hmm?” She grinned, causing you to furrow your eyebrows at the abrupt change of her personality.  
   
From the corner of your eye, you saw your best friends nod at each other as if they just had some telepathic conversation. “Right!” Erian then exclaimed as she quickly yet carefully grasped you by the forearm and forced you out of bed. “You haven’t eaten in weeks (F/n)! We have to fix that.”  
   
“I’m not really…” You began, but then one moment later you were already out into the hallways, a door behind you falling shut with a light thud and a click.  
   
You shivered when you finally realized the cold stone flooring hitting your bare feet. But you refused to let that get to you now as you tried to yank yourself away from your auburn haired best friend. Your attempts to get away were unsuccessful though, so here you were being pushed past corridors and into the large wooden double doors of the mess hall.  
   
Back at Hanji’s office (or bedroom), an unannounced meeting took place. That, or just another question and answer session initiated by the owner of the room herself who has walked back into her sleeping quarters the moment she sealed the note with a letter in an off-white envelope.  
   
“I don’t think I can take anymore of today…” Connie muttered under his breath just as the squad leader set the envelope in her hands onto her nightstand.  
   
Almost everyone practically felt the same too. But people just kept their mouths shut and tried their best to keep their cool.  
   
To find the most important person in your life well and breathing was probably one of the best things this cursed world could offer. And after everyone else was told she was dead too. But then to find out about her traumatic past was enough to give a group of people the motivation to go kick a certain bastard’s behind to even below the depths of hell.  
   
“Should I send it now?” Hanji asked the tall blond standing by the door.  
   
“We’ll be going to Sina for the usual supplies later this month.” Erwin stated. “We can wait until then.”  
   
Hanji just gave a nod and then faced her comrades still collected on one side of the room near her bed. From the looks on her subordinate’s faces, one could definitely tell how confused they are (or maybe murderous even?). With a clap of her hands, various shades of eyes landed on the brunette.  
   
“I think you guys should have a couple questions right now.”  
   
At Hanji’s words, Levi was most likely ready to punch a hole in the wall. Because if it wasn't obvious enough, then yes. Everyone had a couple thousand questions right now and the captain was getting fed up with the roundabout explanations. Fortunately, for everyone in the room, Levi wasn't given the chance to shout their heads off.  
   
“Um… what was wrong with that note?” Bertholdt asked silently.  
   
“Everything.” Hanji answered as she crossed her arms and brought up a hand’s index and middle finger to push her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Looks like your speculations were right Erwin.” She sighed, and then looked over to the remnants of the 104th squad before opening her mouth to speak again.  
   
“Do you guys know why we sent you guys over to the training grounds?” The brown haired woman said.  
   
“We were given the reason that we had to observe the 105th and help them train, the reason being their training was cut short and we have to make sure they’re ready to kill titans by the end of one year.”  
   
“That is correct Mikasa.” Hanji gave a smile matched with a nod to the ravenette near the bedpost. “But what we didn’t tell you is that you needed to specifically observe (F/n) as well.”  
   
“But why? She’s capable enough.” Reiner said.  
   
“(F/n) was supposed to enter the 104th Training Division.” Erwin finally spoke. “However, when the time for enlistment came, she went missing and only came back two years later.”  
   
“That does not even count the one year she had for therapy as well.” Hanji added. “(F/n) is indeed capable. But I’m sure you guys have seen fluctuations on her performance, hesitancy at her slice techniques for example.”  
   
The members of the 104th gave a collective nod whereas Levi just gave a click of his tongue. Striding back to the nightstand on her room, Hanji picked up the envelope and shoved it inside a drawer, making sure to conceal the thing beneath folders and other paraphernalia a titan lover might have.  
   
“Now about what’s distinctly wrong with the note…” the brunette squad leader trailed off. “It seems Erwin was right to assume that when the body of the murderer could not be found when the military went to collect it, the bastard is still alive and I take it that he isn't going to stop—”  
   
“He wants to kill (F/n).” Eren interrupted, the boy’s hands balled into fists at his sides. “Finish that game?”  
   
The commander and the squad leader gave a nod to tell the boy with teal eyes that his words were precisely true. Everyone looked comparably pallid than earlier now as thoughts went back to that time when you were choked in your sleep and you passed it on as a nightmare.  
   
There wasn't any need for clarification anymore as people basically put two and two together and confirmed themselves that the person responsible for the marks on your neck then was done by this particular person who haunted your every sleeping hour. What bothered everyone else though, was the fact that if the man’s goal was basically to kill you, why did he not do it that day when the chance was so openly given to him?  
   
“He’s playing around with us.” Hanji said out loud; distaste clearly dripping from her words.  
   
Erwin cleared his throat and proceeded to go out of the room, as his foot crossed over to step in Hanji’s office, the commander looked back. “Breakfast will be done soon; we can discuss this matter again later.”  
   
Pretty soon, footsteps echoed through the room, a brunette squad leader allowing everyone to leave first before doing a check of her bedroom and closing the door shut. It wasn't that long before the group got to the mess hall, a wave of relief washing over the boys to see a particular (h/c) girl all well and fine.  
   
But then their sights registered a raven haired guy hugging you and burying his face on the crook of your neck.  
   
The fork on the table suddenly became a relatively good weapon of choice.  
   
“Whoa… really, Kent. Go away.” You said weakly, trying to push the crying comrade away from you. Not that you hated it (despite being uncomfortable and that sudden feeling of death glares directed at you). There were just a couple hundred sore spots and aches on your body and to be hugged at the moment was hell on earth.  
   
Erian was trying hard to pry the guy away from you but that only made you feel the pain more. So with a curse, the auburn haired girl glared at the boy clinging onto you for dear life or something similar.  
   
“I really thought you were dead (F/n)!” Kent said. “Fuck, after I made that promise to Blanche and Gareth too.”  
   
At the sound of your friends’ names, you felt as if your heart just stopped beating and your breath hitched. Devan and Ysavelle felt the quick dip of your aura and was about ready to console you, but you managed to collect yourself fast enough. “I am going to die if you don’t let me go.” You whined, hoping to pass the crack in your voice as due to your tired stature and not because you wanted to grieve for the deaths of your friends.  
   
“When the fuck are you planning to let go?” A voice was heard and everyone crowding your table felt a chill run down their spines.  
   
Hanji was laughing by the sidelines as an extremely pissed captain started stalking towards your direction. Kent was able to let you go quickly enough at the sight of the nearing officer, the poor boy letting out a gulp when Levi finally reached the table you were occupying.  
   
“Sir?” You managed to stutter despite the glare being directed at you.  
   
You could have sworn you were going to get a heart attack at any moment now. But then Hanji saved you from that when the woman went over to your table just as quickly as the captain did. You did not however, expect to be taken out of your chair by the said woman. A deep blush then erupted from your cheeks when you were carried like a princess of some sort.  
   
“Hanji… p-put me d—”  
   
“Shit.”  
   
A single word cut off your words and your eyes rested themselves of a particular group of boys by the doorway. Levi did the same and then his eyes trailed off to where his subordinates were looking at, a really faint hue painting his cheeks when he looked away just as fast.  
   
You furrowed your eyebrows, and then it just clicked.  
   
The brunette squad leader suspending you in air, is currently carrying you in a way that your knees were bent over an arm as another supported your back. And you were wearing a washed out (f/c) nightgown that reached just above your knees, the said fabric once concealing your legs now pooling by your upper thigh at Hanji’s none too gentlemanly hold.  
   
If your face wasn't red before, then it certainly was now.  
   
Struggling out of your superior’s grasp, you managed to break free and crash to the ground (though not as harsh as expected since Ysavelle was fast enough to support your fall). You hid half your face behind your forearm, before bursting through the barricade of people by the doorway and sprinting past halls to who knows where.  
   
Devan let out an irritated sigh as he dashed out to catch up with you. Erian and Ysavelle busying themselves with returning your group’s empty breakfast trays to the kitchen before jogging up and following the direction you left with earlier.  
   
The crowd once surrounding a side of your table had noticed the awkward situation and went about their usual morning routines. Not really minding the blushing mess of their superiors still rooted by the entrance. It was obvious to everyone that the guys of the 104th and probably the captain kind of liked you in a different way from being friends or an asset to the legion.  
   
They didn't want to die too, so in this case, ignorance was definitely a bliss.  
   
“Perverts.” Ymir chortled before gulping as murderous glares were sent her way. The girl was good at hiding her emotions though, so she just shrugged and pulled Krista away from the group for some much deserved meal.  
   
Sasha was already at a table by then, ecstatic about breakfast though the brunette was worried about you suddenly running off in the state you were in.  
   
And where were you exactly anyway?  
   
Devan lost you between the mazes of corridors. A set of raven and auburn haired girls, after catching up with the panting beige, became worried about your safety with all the things that have been happening lately. Reaching a mutual agreement, your three best friends split up and scoured the hallways.  
   
You were able to breathe a sigh of relief when you saw your best friends start to walk farther and farther away from your hiding spot, a (e/c) orb peering through a storage room door that was opened just a crack.  
   
After making sure you were safe from your friends and whatever embarrassment from earlier, you leaned back on one of the shelves inside the dimly lit room and breathed a sigh. The only light source giving aid to your vision, was coming off from the door you left slightly open as you didn't like darkness despite it being a constant companion to you.  
   
The storage room was a little spacious, the reason being it was your old room now that you remember it. This was the room you slept in for quite some time until after that little sleep over and the new room assignments.  
   
Until now you couldn't understand why that decision was made. But Hanji didn't lie when she said your old room would be turned into a dump of boxes and other necessities. You still figured there must be a good reason for the room switches, except none would come to your mind so you left it at that.  
   
After what felt like an hour and you were finally calmed down, a soft thud followed by the sound of a clatter rang through your ears. A chill ran down your spine as you backed out of the door and closed it abruptly before running across another set of halls.  
   
Pretty soon, you bumped into someone, a girl with blond hair and striking pale blue eyes to be precise, the said girl now giving you a calculative look as you warily glanced back at the direction you came from.  
   
“For someone so battered up...” The girl started, but then her sentence was left unfinished when she saw the paranoia in your eyes. Biting her bottom lip, the girl just grabbed you by the wrist and started pulling you across the narrow stone flooring.  
   
“Did being left outside the walls mess you up that much?” The question brought your attention back to reality, your head snapping up front and taking in the visage of a blond haired girl you somewhat missed despite not having a good relationship with her.  
   
“Aria…” You muttered, causing the girl to stop in her tracks and look back at you.  
   
“What?”  
   
“I’m happy to know you’re alive.” You mumbled.  
   
“Yeah, we definitely have to get you to the medical wing right away.” The blond said, turning around and walking, leaving you the option to follow her or not. You did the first option, not really wanting to be alone at the moment.  
   
It unnerving the way getting stuck in a foreign basement for two years could get some of your senses to heighten up.  
   
You knew right away, or sensed it at the very least. Call it paranoid or whatever the heck they could call it. But you knew. There was definitely someone else inside that storage room.  
   
“Oiii! (F/n)!” A familiar voice resounded past the hallways, Hanji’s smile growing ten times bigger than the usual when she spotted you with Aria standing just near a corner leading to another boring hallway.  
   
“Well, we can go to the medics later on.” Aria said as she glanced at you and started walking to her room that you passed just moments ago. Before getting out of earshot though, the girl with pale blue eyes gave you a side-glance. “For the record, I’m glad you’re alive too.”  
   
Now all alone with the reason for your earlier embarrassment, you began to feel a little annoyed and angry, a blush creeping back to your cheeks as you glared at the advancing woman. Hanji didn't appear fazed at all by your attempts at scaring her off. After all, if you've lived for a considerable amount of time as being the target of the lance corporal's glares, nothing could basically compare to the stoic captain in terms of pissed off looks.  
   
“Aha…” Hanji rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly when she reached you. “I didn't mean to do that earlier (F/n). I mean, I did plan to carry you… just not—”  
   
You held your hand up to shut her up. “Nope.” You shook your head side to side. “No. Forget about it. Nothing happened. I don’t want to remember that. Shit. I probably scarred them for life.” You muttered quickly, and despite your desperation to forget the incident. The red tints on your cheeks weren't having any of it.  
   
“I think scarring their lives is completely the opposite.” Hanji chirped with a chuckle before linking her arm to yours. “Now let’s go pack up!” She said enthusiastically.  
   
“What?”  
   
“You’re going home!” The squad leader said happily and you felt your breathing stop. Seeing the change of mood from your expression, Hanji gave out a small chuckle and gave you a little tug. “You aren't retiring (F/n)! I can assure you that. Your best friends are coming with you too! You four will be officially out of your duties for a while.”  
   
“Then why… and how long?” You asked, after finally recovering from your misinterpretation.  
   
“Recovery issues!” Hanji chirped, only answering the first part of your question. “That, and your family needs to officially know you’re alive.”  
   
“They’re gonna die from heart attacks.” You reasoned out, though you couldn't stop the small tugs at the corners of your lips at the thought of eating one of your mom’s freshly baked bread and simple meals.  
   
Hanji’s chuckle resonated through your ears, the said woman pushing open your bedroom door and ushering you inside. Your eyebrow rose when you saw Erian swinging her legs happily as she sat on your bedside, the girl's hands then playing with the straps of an old leather bag. Devan was leaning by the wall with his arms crossed, a similar bag by his feet. Ysavelle was sitting beside Erian on the bed, and on the blue-gray eyed girl’s lap was held a small woven sling bag.  
   
“You guys leave in an hour.” Hanji said enthusiastically, closing the bedroom door and you could hear her happy skips echo across the polished stone.  
   
The brunette squad leader was trudging across the hallways, coming to a stop at a familiar wooden door. Without even knocking, Hanji invited herself in, her russet hues meeting with the commander’s relaxed blue ones. A kick to the door closed it nicely, the act ensuring privacy between the two.  
   
“What did she say?” Erwin asked, subtle worry lining his voice.  
   
“She seems happy about it.” Hanji answered back with a small smile.  
   
The commander just gave a nod and sighed. “That’s good.” He muttered, as he remembered the day he took you out of the blasted house. The imagery of your shaking form still embedded onto the recesses of his mind. The hollow stare your dulled (e/c) eyes held at the time was something Erwin and Hanji didn't want to see again.  
   
“That person has most likely infiltrated the base. We have to get her away from here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✖ A/N: I'm not even sure if people read my notes, but oh well ;////;)'
> 
> It's always the same thank you note and I guess you guys could get a bit bored of me doing that over and over again. Anyway, this is a little extra update for you guys! And thank you for the well wishes for my final exams! ^^


	23. Underlying Messages Over Dinner

Blinking, you sat up groggily, your hair a tangled mess of (h/c) strands as you ran your dominant hand over it. A satisfied groan then escaped your lips, and when you finally won the struggle with your comfortable blanket. You relished is the warm feeling of the soft, plush layers pooling by your waist.  
   
You have successfully peeled half of your body away from your bed, so now you were sitting up, with your back resting on the headboard of your bed. Intricate designs of flora and unnamed swirls from the polished wood then began imprinting itself on your form as you leaned back some more.  
  
After another yawn or so, you took a moment to close your eyes again contently. Sleep was trying to tug you back into its cage again, even though you just parted from it minutes ago. And well, you were about to grab the invite for lack of better things to do. But then your eyes opened themselves the moment you heard footsteps emerging from the hallways.  
   
They were clumsy, a little hasty as well, but light and fleeting.  
   
“Erian?” You called.  
   
Yes, that could only be hers.  
   
Silence was your only reply though, the footsteps stopping abruptly before resounding through the walls again. This time, the sound was getting nearer and nearer, only stopping until a click was heard. Your bedroom door opened just a little bit, before it was swung open widely. A girl with auburn hair tresses stood by the door frame, a smile on her face as she saw you.  
   
“Hey (F/n).” Your best friend gleamed.  
   
“What time is it?”  
   
“Oh… well.” Erian momentarily backed from the door, probably to look at the clock perched high on a wall in the corridor. After a while, the girl reappeared on your door frame with an even bigger smile than earlier. “It’s about four in the afternoon.”  
   
“Come again?”  
   
“You heard me the first time (F/n).” She let out a giggle and you resisted the urge to go grab a pillow and shoot it right at her face. Instead, you settled with crossing your arms and raising a brow as your glazed (e/c) orbs held within them, a small glint of irritation.  
   
“Just tell me the actual time please.” You muttered.  
   
“It’s about twelve.” Erian smiled. “Lunch will be a little later though, because your dad’s coming back in an hour and we decided to postpone lunch until then.”  
   
“And you didn't wake me up again…?” You trailed off as you ran a hand through your tresses, the act proving to be quite troublesome when halfway through trying to calm your messy hair, the bandage in your hand decided it was a good time to become one with your (h/c) strands. You then gave a sigh as you tried to separate the two.  
   
“You needed the rest (F/n). We were sent here for that very reason.” Your best friend chirped and you looked at her with eyes almost in a glare, you opened your mouth to protest, but the girl beat you to it. “And no. Don’t start again with ‘I’m fine’ thing again because you know you aren't (F/n).”  
   
“But it’s been three weeks.” You murmured in defeat, your hand now free from its (h/c) restraints.  
   
Erian merely gave you a smile and nodded to acknowledge your words. Her feet tapped on the ground in a rhythmical fashion as your gazes locked at each other. But it didn't last long when hazel eyes averted themselves from you and to the opened window near your bed, a smile was still pasted on the auburn's lips. “You and I both know why we haven’t gone back yet.” Your friend finally said before turning around to leave the room.  
   
“Are you still up for breakfast or…”  
   
“I’m going down after a bath.” You said. "I can wait till lunch."  
   
“Mmkay.”  
   
Erian closed the door to your room silently, as if your ear would break if she was a little loud enough. With a sigh, you brought yourself to sit on the side of your bed, your feet touching the cold wooden floor of your bedroom. Your eyes held a bit of longing in them as you caught a glimpse of the scenery outside when you looked at the light pouring from the fairly large window of your room.  
   
You've been in Stohess for a couple weeks now.  
   
It was fine the first few days. The rush you felt when the carriage brought you back to Sina, seeing Ysavelle’s face in wonder as it was the first time the girl has even been on this side of the walls, the clothes that didn't always have to follow the protocol of shirts or button-ups and trousers, and not to mention food that didn't always have to be bread and soup. Fine could even be an understatement.  
   
But then even if you knew that even if life in the military wasn't as good, you kind of missed it.  
   
And also, you shouldn't complain because you were home, right? Most people who successfully joined any of the military factions would love to have a vacation like yours in their home for an undeclared amount of time. Except you were sure most people in the military didn't have a home where they could have experienced death far earlier than when a titan could have grabbed them and split them into two.  
   
Home where they'll find out in a much harsher way that the titans weren't the only bastards that threaded this world.  
   
You were both elated and grounded at the same time. It was true that you loved to wake up in a bed that actually didn't feel like it was made up of rocks, plus with sheets that actually did a great job keeping you from the cold. And seeing your parents and best friends without fear of losing them the next day was definitely a great thing. But then you just didn't feel safe.  
   
It was odd really.  
   
Here you were on the place you've been housed and taken care of for the most part of your life. And yet you didn't feel safe. Like there was this certain kind of darkness lurking in the shadows just waiting for you to trip so it could drown you in an endless craze. Or maybe it was just waiting for the right timing to push you in.  
   
You didn't know. And you didn't care to.  
   
What you did care about was why you were brought here. Despite loving being off-duty, you were pretty sure that being confined on your room in the Survey Corps HQ, and being confined in your room in Stohess didn't make much of a difference if your recovery was the light of the topic. You weren't a difficult person when it came to food as well.  
   
You knew Squad Leader Hanji and Commander Erwin (you assumed the commander was included in this because you found it only logical) must have planned this little vacation for a purpose and something told you that the said purpose didn't even include the anything related to recovery in it. Or maybe it did, but then the top priority was something else.  
   
What’s more, you had no idea how long you had to stay here because you were told to wait for orders, and nothing even remotely similar to a letter to return to base has come for you since the moment you crossed the border of Wall Rose and Sina. And you doubt the piece of paper would come sooner.  
   
Deciding that moping around wouldn't do you any good anymore. You hopped out of bed, a few joints popping when you decided to follow your soft landing with a stretch. A hum of satisfaction then spilled from your lips as you glanced at the dresser located near your wooden cabinets. Your eyebrows furrowing themselves when you saw your reflection on the mirror standing connected to the top of the dresser when many white strips of cloth and bluish-purple blotches that marred your (s/c) skin was registered in your sights.  
   
It’s times like these when you somehow got jealous of Eren’s titan shifting abilities.  
   
But then having a rouse with the Military Police wasn't appealing enough for you, so you decided to just suck up the fact that you were human and that no matter how strong you try to build yourself up, you’re always going to be viable to being snapped like a twig.  
   
Walking to an adjacent wall from your bed's, you stood in front of your drawers and you pulled a knob out, your eyes holding a confused stare when you were met with nothing but wood.  
   
“What the…” You began, but then a knock on the door stopped you from finishing.  
   
A click resounded when you were in the midst of turning around, and there you saw your mother by the doorway. A sweet loving smile on her face that made your heart clench when you thought of that smile shattering the moment you ceased breathing. (E/c) pairs of orbs met each other, and you gave her a weak smile.  
   
“Are you still not feeling well (F/n)?” She said, worried.  
   
You gave a light laugh. “Me?” You asked is a playful tone. “Mom I—” You couldn't finish your sentence as you bit your lip when you saw your mother’s slightly angered expression. Not daring to meet her gaze anymore, you busied yourself with looking down; your eyes memorizing every detail of the loose dark (color) long sleeved top cascading from your collarbones.  
   
A soft click of the door and footsteps made you stiffen up. But then your face was taken away from your clothing. Your (e/c) hues meeting identical colors as your mother cupped both of your cheeks. None too gently, but it was not painful as well. Well, that was until she squished them together making you furrow your eyebrows.  
   
“I really thought I lost you.”  
   
“Sorry…” You inaudibly said as it was actually hard to let out a single coherent word when your face is being mushed together.  
   
Letting go, your mother just smiled and brought a hand up to ruffle your hair. “At least you have a lot of body guards, as Erian so kindly places it.” She winked and you raised a brow. “I’d like to meet them someday, your ‘friends’ I mean.” And before you were about to ask for clarification, your mother pushed a soft white towel by your chest, making you grab it so it wouldn't fall to the floor when the woman lets go.  
   
“I have no idea…”  
   
“I know.” Your mother gave a chuckle before excusing herself from your room and you were left to stare at the brown wood making your door. Your ears picking up your mother’s lightening footsteps until you couldn’t hear them anymore.  
   
Sighing, you slung the towel on your shoulder and looked to see your bed with an amused stare. There were your clothes, just fresh out of drying after a good laundry. You now solved the mystery of your disappearing garments and you smiled to yourself as you picked out a simple peach dress that would hang from just above your shoulders so you wouldn't feel as if you were being suffocated. The dress reaching just below your knees and you remembered this as a past birthday gift from your two best friends.  
   
Humming to yourself, you crossed your room to your private bathroom. Your hands quickly turning knobs until you were sure the water wasn't going to freeze you, or burn you to death. You stood in the shower, a thin cream cloth keeping your vision inside the bath tub, but your eyes lingered to where the door should be and you shrugged before bringing your gaze back to your front, knowing no one would come in any way as you started what should have been your early morning routine.  
   
You silently cussed at yourself when the soap slipped from your hands for the eleventh time, and you resisted the urge to murder the inanimate thing. Your hands were still sore after weeks of rest. A few cuts running deeper than the others made you hiss in annoyance when you finally caught the bastard bar of soap. The chemicals and whatnot making it, giving your wounds a piercing pain you endured again.  
   
When you were done with the not so peaceful bath, you dried yourself up before dressing in the clothes you brought with you. You examined your figure at the small foggy mirror on the wall above the sink. Your features barely visible with the veil of moisture but you figured your hair was messed up with all the rubbing so you grabbed a comb and tried to tame your (h/c) locks.  
   
After a while, you let out a huff and grabbed your laundry before making it out into your room. Your eyes relishing the sight of your fixed bed sheets and the clothes once stacked near the bedside was probably stowed away in your cabinets and drawers.  
   
This was Ysavelle’s work, no doubt. The girl loved to make your bed up in a certain way. Not exactly a Lance Corporal Levi kind of standard, but neat and tidy all the same.  
   
After depositing your clothes on this little laundry basket by a corner of the room, you hung our towel by the chair of your dresser like you always did when at home. And then you set out into the hallways, making sure to close your doors and windows shut before you ran through wooden floors, skidding to a stop by the top of the staircase before you descended.  
   
You were led to a room by the sweet smell of apples, your stomach churning as you realized you've been sleeping since early last night, and therefore, you've skipped both dinner yesterday and breakfast today.  
   
“Look who decides to wake up.” Devan teased when you stepped inside the kitchen, and you stuck a tongue out.  
   
“Quit being such an ass Dev.” You grumbled, earning a snort from Erian who was beside the beige haired boy, and Ysavelle, who was chopping vegetables on a marble topped table, let out a giggle. Both girls, and you, then earned an annoyed look from your mutual best friend.  
   
“Anyway, what are you doing?” You asked, walking over to your two best friends by the stove. “It smells sweet.”  
   
“Oh.” Erian scratched her neck sheepishly. “Yeah, it’s apple jam. We figured you’d want a little twist to the usual bread. But then it just doesn't taste right.”  
   
You looked over to the counter near the stove, examining the little bottles and apple cores sprawled about. Your eyes flitting through each and every ingredient before you snatched the wooden spoon on Devan’s hand. “Let me handle this.” You said.  
   
“You know how to do it?” Devan asked in an amused tone.  
   
“Not like you guys know either.” You teased. “I just need a distraction. Please?” You admitted, making the heads of auburn and beige look at each other before nodding towards you and making their way to Ysavelle to try and be productive.  
   
This was the norm since the moment you arrived here. Well, for your three best friends it was. You just recently joined in with the chores after a good long talk about your health with your parents and three friends. And it wasn't easy. Nevertheless, you were stubborn enough to prove you could take care of yourself and you left no one a reason to protest anymore.  
   
Your parents took a liking to Ysavelle right away, happy you made a new friend as they knew of your circumstances. And since Ysavelle was a foreigner to these parts of the walls, and it was only right, your mother and father prepared a guest room for the ravenette to stay in.  
  
Erian and Devan still had that little basement room to call home, but your mother and father insisted that the two should stay over your house as well. Not that the auburn and beige had any problems with it, anyway. But your three best friends refused the offer for separate rooms and decided to sleep on one guestroom all together.  
  
They would have preferred cramming themselves into your room too, but then you were under recovery. So maybe if you're feeling much better, then they'll happily keep you company through the night (that is, if you four haven't resumed your occupations as military soldier by then).  
   
All in all, aside from missing your friends back at the Scouting Legion, everything was well and fine. You didn't go out much, aside from helping your dad pack or unpack some things onto a carriage for the daily market trips and negotiations that made up his life and supported your family. Your mother didn't question you with keeping yourself in the house as well, as the woman was a little too tight on letting you out for errands because the last time she did, you disappeared for two years.  
   
Besides, you couldn't step out for more than five minutes without having three heads of raven, beige and auburn trailing you anyway.  
   
Glumly stirring the sticky substance on the small pot, you decided to add in another apple for the heck of it, so you grabbed the round fruit by a basket near the sink. You had no idea how to make jam, let alone how a proper one should taste like. But then you figured trying new things wasn't so bad.  
   
A slip of the hand.  
  
You dropped the whole apple in the pot.  
   
Shit.  
   
“Everything alright over there?” Ysavelle asked from her spot, worried blue-gray eyes looking at you.  
   
You pretended to stir fluidly. “Mhmm…” You hummed and looked back at your three friends on the table near the side of the slightly roomy kitchen. “I just added an apple.” You smiled.  
   
Ysavelle gave you a nod and went back to chopping some greens; Erian was kneading some dough by then, while Devan decided to start chopping up some meat after getting his own cutting board.  
   
You glanced back to the pot and put the flame on low. Then, you used the wooden spoon to take the now sticky fruit out of the metal container, and you chucked it to a basin in the sink beside the stove with a small thud. Your fingers turned a knob open, cool water splashing through your fingers as you decided to wash the apple and actually cut it up before resuming your work on the abomination called jam.  
   
You ignored the chuckles erupting from your best friends as you knew they already pretty much guessed what you did.  
   
Yeah, you were definitely going to curse that jam later.  
   
After dropping apple chunks onto the pot, you lazily stirred. Your eyes meeting a block of wrapped up butter and you decided to add some to your concoction.  
   
Did jams need butter? Probably not. Did you care? Heck, no.  
   
Okay, maybe a little bit. But you tasted the thing and it lacked something. It wasn't sugar; Erian and Devan’s work was sweet enough for your taste. So maybe butter could do the trick. Maybe, but oh well, if they won’t eat it then your pride decided you were going to finish the thing. No questions asked.  
   
Pretty soon, you turned off the stove and you left the slightly transparent mush of brown to cool itself down before you start shoving it down an empty jar your mother so kindly provided for you when she walked in to help a little with the bread making before going out through the backdoor leading to the backyard of the house.  
  
You figured maybe your mother decided to clean up a bit, or feed that one horse your dad always used for quick trips that didn't need more than a suitcase to accompany him.  
   
After rolling your long sleeves past your elbow, you washed your hands and dried them before walking over to your best friends. Sitting on a stool by the sides of the table, you observed your friends with utmost curiosity. It looks like you weren't the only one having a hard time, but you didn't tease them or anything.  
   
You just sat there in silence, the occasional thuds of the knife blade meeting the wooden cutting board resounding at different brevities and speeds.  
   
A pile of diced meat and colorful things settled themselves in neat piles gradually, and a small call from your mother outside, then caused Erian to perk up from her seat across you. A happy smile was on the girl's face asshe strode over to the brick oven a little ways away from the sink and the stove you were slaving yourself at earlier.  
   
You took in the surroundings of your comfortable home's kitchen for lack of anything else to do. And you let out a subtly annoyed expression at the memory of your first months in training when your comrades of the 105th wouldn't stop pestering you about life at Sina and how prestigious life must have been over this side of the wall.  
   
Your family could be considered wealthy in a way. But it wasn't really as easy as a snap of your fingers. Your mother and father worked hard to keep the family okay. Your dad was a merchant, often times a person supplying to the military factions (you didn't tell anyone about this but your best friends), and you admired the fact that your parents thought as much of money like the weeds in your house’s little front garden.  
   
Charitable was what you could describe it. Hence, your dad was always frowned upon by other people because apparently, the guy doesn't know the value of money hard enough to not keep giving it away. Humanity thinks being a generous person is worse than being eaten by a titan. Typical for the ignorant masses.  
   
A faint clatter from above made you stand up from your seat. Devan momentarily stopped midway in slicing a block of beef as he looked at you worriedly. Erian sensed your discomfort and hurriedly placed the board-like part of the bread shovel on the far side of the marble table. The girl’s hands were warily holding the thick rod of the said shovel, and at the end of the thing was a small flattened piece of round metal housing freshly baked breads.  
  
Bluish gray eyes and hazel hues peered over to you as well.  
   
“(F/n)?” Erian asked.  
   
“I thought I heard something.” You gulped, and Devan stood up protectively.  
   
“I’ll go che—”  
   
“No!” You shouted. Making your three friends flinch at your sudden outburst. “I umm… I think I left my window open again I guess.” You lied, walking towards the door. “Just… just finish up here. I’ll be back. I’m pretty sure dad will be back in a few minutes.”  
   
“I guess.” Erian said in a worried tone. “But he’s really late isn't he?… he said he’d be back early in the afternoon, but it’s almost three now and he’s still nowhere.”  
   
You pushed off some bad thoughts in your mind as you backed out of the room. “Maybe there was a good sale?” You smiled one last time before you left the kitchen and jogged up the stairs to your room.  
   
Placing your hand on a doorknob, you prepared for the worst as you opened your bedroom door. A sigh of relief made its way out of your throat when you saw nothing was amiss. The windows were still closed, your drawers showed no signs of being opened, and your bed was still the same as you left it. It was probably your paranoia acting up back there, or maybe your mother was causing a ruckus. She was doing the laundry outside after all; maybe the clatter was just a spilled bucket.  
   
You were about to leave the room, but then a small object almost concealed under your pillow caught your attention and you went to pull it out. It was familiar, and you let out a small gasp when you traced over the wooden casing.  
   
This was your missing knife.  
   
It was the knife you always slept with, the small sharp bladed gift from your father before you left for military training. You thought you’d lost it somewhere. And if you did, it was definitely not in Sina. And you were really certain that the blade wasn't there when you left hours ago to go help with lunch preparations downstairs. You were also pretty sure that the day you found out you lost it, was after that terrible nightmare with the subsequent sleepover.  
   
Things fell into place and you drew out the real reason for the room switches.  
  
"That night wasn't a dream..." You trailed off in disbelief, your heart already doing sets of triple flips and you felt like fainting.  
   
Hurriedly, you unsheathed the blade and held it tightly on your grasp. Then without a moment to spare, you kicked the door of your room’s bathroom open, the blade in your hand, ready to strike at the first sign of danger. But you were met with an empty room. Next, although childish, you checked under your bed and saw nothing but the swept floors. The drawers and the cabinet didn't have anything odd about it as well.  
  
With a deep breath, you then scrunched your eyebrows and examined the window. The ledges were free from any dirt that could be found in the soles of a person’s shoes.  
   
You did another inspection of your room to make sure that it was safe, and with a sigh you closed the doors of your sleeping quarters in exchange for invading privacy as you scoured the halls and intruded on rooms for a check-up.  
   
None.  
   
There was no trace of any intruder.  
   
Did you actually leave your blade home? Did you probably just lose another identical blade? You doubted it though, because you damn well knew every single thing in your possession and you were sure you brought this out of the house and even clutched it tightly for comfort on the day you were brought to training grounds.  
   
A faint neigh of the horse caught your attention, and you peered out the window on the nearby wall, this side facing the back of your house where you were met with your father’s figure exiting a dark brown carriage. Your mother, standing behind the man.  
   
Giving one last look of disdain on the straight empty hallway on your house’s second flooring, where all sleeping quarters were located, you hastily went down the stairs, and walked past the kitchen while quickly informing your best friends that your dad was home. Three heads laden with different colored tresses just gave you a smile as they finished up plating the meals and Erian took it upon herself to place the now cooled apple jam onto a jar.  
   
You gave the auburn girl an apologetic smile, but Erian just waved it off and you went to the back door of your house, which was conveniently placed inside the kitchen, just near the corner of the right side of the room.  
   
You were about to open the door, but it was opened for you, your mother coming inside with a paper bag of what you presumed were heaps of more vegetables. And you passed your mother with a smile, running towards your father who stopped unloading the carriage to ruffle your (h/c) locks.  
   
“Why were you late?” You asked.  
   
“Ah, I met some people along the way.” Your dad replied, setting down a black bag on the ground as he unloaded a wooden trunk. “That reminds me, (F/n) would you mind opening the front door for them?”  
   
You looked at your dad for a moment, helping him get a rather heavy trunk again from the carriage. As you carried the wooden suitcase with both hands, you wondered that your dad probably wouldn't have any trouble doing those hiking exercises with huge camping bags that you did at training a little over a year and a half ago.  
   
Anyway, you stopped that thought the moment you finally got what your dad said.  
   
“You invited strangers in?” You asked, your face showing a little worry in them.  
   
Your dad just laughed. “Don’t worry (F/n). I’m sure you’ll find them trustworthy.”  
   
“I won’t make comments about your judgment.” You stated, and your dad gave you one last smile before finally unloading his last baggage out of the carriage and paying the driver who said a polite goodbye before trudging down the brick stone streets of Stohess. Your father then closed the fence keeping your backyard private, and the man pivoted on his heel to meet your gaze.  
   
You returned your father’s smile as your mother went over to help bring stuff inside again. You then excused yourself, keeping your sheathed knife hidden carefully on your now rolled down sleeves. When you passed by the dining area connected to the kitchen, you informed your best friends that you guys were expecting guests today.  
   
Ysavelle gave you an inaudible grunt to tell you ‘okay’. Whereas Devan peered out of the kitchen doorway just as you reached for the doorknob.  
   
“What kind of guests?” The boy asked.  
   
You shrugged. “I don’t know. But we’ll find out soon enough.”  
   
“Just scream when you feel threatened.” Your best friend called and you gripped the handle of your knife now half concealed from your sleeve and ready to slice at the first sign of danger.  
   
“I’ll be fine.” You looked back to the beige haired boy, giving one of your mischievous grins that he just smiled back at. Devan then disappeared from the doorway and you heard muffled conversations. Most probably, it was Erian trying to ask what was going on.  
   
With a sigh, you opened the door.  
   
But before you could even inspect the group standing before you, a pair of hands clasped your cheeks together and you blinked in shock.  
   
These hands, you knew them. Rather, the bone crushing squeeze gave the person away.  
  
And just why was it that squeezing your cheeks was like a favorite past time these days?  
   
“S-Squad Lea—” You began, but your cheeks were pushed together further.  
   
“(F/N)!!” A brunette squealed and gave you a hearty laugh as you clutched the woman’s wrists in a futile attempt to peel her away. The moment you felt your cheeks spared a few seconds later, you couldn't even get a second to breathe a sigh of relief as the same brunette gave you a tight hug that almost knocked the wind out of your system.  
   
Finally sparing your life, the woman stepped back, hands firmly on your shoulders.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji?!” You then said, a closed fist rubbing your swollen cheek. “W-what are you doing here? No, what the hell are you all doing here?” You rephrased the question when you saw the comparably shocked looks a set of familiar faces behind the woman gave you.  
   
“I’m pretty sure you know why? Or at least you have an idea why?” Hanji said with a grin and you racked your mind for ideas.  
   
“Don’t tell me…” You began. “Supplies again?”  
   
“Yep!” Hanji squealed again.  
   
“Excuse me but… what is going on?” You heard someone mutter from behind the squad leader, and Hanji took your still distracted mind to push you to face the group, her hands firmly placed on your shoulders as she let out another one of those happy smiles.  
   
“Well you see, (F/n)’s family here, the (L/n)s belong to the set of sponsor families helping the Scouting Legion and other military factions with funds.” Hanji quipped and you finally snapped out of your trance. “(F/n)’s father is the merchant we saw earlier by the port, and he has been helping out for a long time. Earlier, he said he left some very important things at his house that we need. So at his suggestion, we followed.”  
   
You dad then appeared by the main entrance of your house, carrying a wooden crate of what you could only assume were loads for the flare gun (because you may or may not have been snooping around the storage cabinets near the master’s bedroom). Devan, Erian and Ysavelle were carrying equally sized boxes, the two girls struggling at the weight but could still carry the crate on their hands fine. Half confused and half shocked looks made its way onto your friend’s faces when they saw the group of people and horses standing in front of your house.  
   
Dropping the crates on the dried grass making up your house’s small front garden, you saw the commander stepping from behind Hanji and giving your father a handshake. Your mother called from the dinner table by then, making you glance to the door.  
   
“Thank you, sir.” You heard Erwin say.  
   
“There is no need for that.” Your father answered back as the hand shake ends. “I am indebted to the Scouting Legion for saving (F/n).”  
   
“So, I guess this means we have to go then?” Hanji asked, and you noticed her tired stature.  
   
You knew how far Stohess was from where the Scouting Legion was situated at in Wall Rose. If you could recall your journey here three weeks ago, it took about four hours and you were just sitting on a comfortable carriage by then. Riding a horse to here was probably a very strenuous job.  
   
You don’t know what came over you, but the moment you mind was working again, your mouth had blurted out some words.  
   
“Do you guys want to stay the night over?”  
   
You dad looked at you and smiled.  
   
“That’s a nice suggestion (F/n).”  
   
“Wha—” Some boys began but Hanji cut them off.  
   
“Really?!” She squealed and you smiled back.  
   
“Yeah, there’s about three guestrooms still left, umm… it isn't big but if you don’t mind sleeping together.” You muttered.  
   
Your mother then appeared by the doorway, and as you looked to see her visage, your mother's (e/c) orbs were able to catch a glimpse of the boys blushing in the background. A smile then made its way onto your mother’s face and she greeted Hanji and Erwin who returned her greeting with a smile and nod.  
   
“Are you guys planning on staying over?” Your mother said, and when she saw Erwin glance at your father who just gave a reassuring smile, she mirrored the expression. “Let’s catch up with dinner then. You four really outdid yourselves and made a lot.” Your mother gave you and your best friends a cheery look before the woman disappeared back into the house.  
   
“I guess we’ll be keeping this back in again for safety.” Your father gestured to the crates by his feet.  
   
“Sorry for the inconvenience.” Erwin said, and the commander helped pick up a crate to place them back into your humble abode.  
   
Hanji grabbed another one of the crates and followed inside, Mikasa and Ymir getting each of the two boxes left behind. Krista offered to help any of the girls, but she was politely refused. Devan, Erian and Ysavelle then decided to help place the horses on the small stable behind your house, and Sasha had already rushed inside your home at the smell of a delightful meal. In any case, this left you in the company of the boys, who still couldn't believe what just happened.  
   
You mind wandered to the thought of your backyard and how it wasn't as spacious as the others in the area. Not to mention your house’s stable could just barely fit all the horses of your unexpected guests. The good thing was that there was a fence though, so rest assured no one’s going to steal any animals tonight.  
   
A soft wind brushed through your (h/c) locks and you turned around to head to the door.  
   
When you placed a foot inside your home, you looked back questioningly to the group of boys and the captain standing still rooted at the dirt pathway leading to your houses front porch.  
   
“Are you umm… going inside?” You asked.  
   
And when you were met with silence, you just shrugged, leaving the door open and hoping the boys would just follow suit as you went over to help with setting up the table with additional plates and utensils. It was large enough to fit all of you, and for once you were thankful your father was a sociable person and would invite families over quite often.  
   
For a merchant, negotiations and affiliations were a plus after all.  
   
You hummed at the clattering of spoons and forks, your heart feeling happy at the moment and all thoughts about the mystery of your missing knife reappearing again left your mind. You felt safe again anyway, so your mind didn't want to ruin your elated feelings.  
   
Unknown to you though, a group of boy’s hearts were pounding against their chests in a violent manner. Making your mother quietly chuckle to herself, the action causing you to arch a delicate eyebrow as you faced her.  
   
“It seems my little girl still hasn't grown up yet." She said, making you blush at her statement.  
   
“What is that supposed to mean?” You asked, making your father join in the fun. Your best friend’s, coupled with Hanji and Erwin had smirks on their faces as a particular set of people had very light tints of red on their cheeks.  
   
Your father then looked at the boys though and cleared his throat before letting out a serious tone.  
   
“I hope ‘growing up’ can wait later though.”  
   
And you were pushed down a chair by a grinning Erian as Hanji’s laughter resonated in the air. Your mother playfully smacked your father’s shoulder as Erwin just stifled a laugh. You were still confused by the meaning of the statement and when you finally caught up, your cheeks turned redder than the apples you were peeling earlier. Devan's smirk and Ysavelle's smile weren't doing any good to dampen your fiery cheeks either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late! I'm putting up 3 chapters today to make up for it ;////;)'
> 
> Update 1/3


	24. Another Not Ordinary Day

The tunes of clinking utensils and plates filled your ears as you hastily scrubbed at a used glass, trying to rid the drinking device of any residue. Your eyebrows then scrunched up in annoyance when the glass almost slipped from your fingers, but then you caught it before it multiplied into little shards and you resumed the act of rubbing the soapy sponge harder onto the piece of glassware.  
   
The house was eerily quiet by now, as dinner with your comrades had finished just an hour prior, and your father suddenly received a letter shortly after the meal, saying that a good friend of his, and your mother’s, had just finally completed her own family with a newborn child.  
   
On a normal scenario, your parents would have waited until the next day at least, to pay a visit and probably drag you and your friends along so you could ogle the little ball of life. But then for some reason, your mother decided to pay a visit right in the late evening and dragged your reluctant father along, under the pretense that as good friends, it was only right for your parents to try and help the new parents in any way that they can.  
   
“I… I can’t just leave the girls here with boys?!” Your father protested, but then your mother just grabbed him by the wrist and pushed him into a hired carriage.  
   
“There's Hanji to keep watch.” Your mother snapped back after clearing her throat and facing the still confused you by the door frame. “Have fun dear.” Your mother gave you a wink, and then she boarded the carriage to tell you something before setting off into a house a couple streets away. “We might not be back until late in the afternoon tomorrow.”  
   
“(Your mother’s na—).”  
   
“They’re fine people. Just trust them.”  
   
“They’re strangers!”  
   
“No, they’re her friends.”  
   
“No! I am not letting my dau—.”  
   
“Good night (F/n)!”  
   
And with that the carriage door was closed and you were left to stand at the doorway leading to the entrance of your house. Behind you, your best friends snickered as they knew your mother’s true intentions, but you, having had a lot of things going on lately, missed the point your mother was trying to make.  
   
So you decided that your mother was probably just too excited to see a new form of life in this dreaded world and you closed the door shut and locked it before giving out a glare directed at your best friends. You had no idea what those three found amusing at your confusion, and though it was childish of you to get bothered by such a thing. With the stressing discovery you made lately, you just couldn't help but feel irritated that some bastard has gotten so deep into a place you considered a safe zone.  
   
Erian ceased her giggling at your icy stare, and she ran off into the second floor with Ysavelle in tow just to help set up the guestrooms for your unexpected visitors of the day (or night). Devan remained with you, and after a while, he ruffled your hair.  
   
“Your mom just wants you to spend time with everyone.” The beige haired boy said, and you gave him a weak smile.  
   
“That much is obvious enough.” You sighed  
   
“What’s wrong then?” Your best friend asked, his tone dropping below the slightly cheery usual and his hand stopped the intervals of patting on your head. Dark brown eyes held a calculating stare in them as you smacked his hand away in a playful aura. But then your eyes gave away the panic in them and you knew Devan could see that.  
   
“I’ll do the dishes, then maybe we can talk about it later.” You said.  
   
You saw your best friend was trying to come up with an answer that would go along the lines of helping you. However, you didn't give the beige haired boy a moment to speak as you opened your mouth again to tell him that you have been slacking off with chores for the past week because of your supposed weakened state and so you’d want to at least do something alone to clear your thoughts out.  
   
Of course, it would take more than an explanation like that to persuade the brown eyed male. But thankfully for you, Ysavelle went down a couple steps, enough to be visible to brown and (e/c) hues, to ask for help with setting up the extra sleeping spaces. The work requiring help would be too hard for you to do with all your sore muscles and strains, so Devan naturally had to be a gentleman and reluctantly help out with what the ravenette wanted.  
   
You promised your best friend that you were fine, and then you set off into the kitchen to take down a mountain of dishes before retiring for the night.  
  
Except when you meant a mountain of dishes, you actually meant it.  
  
And having a certain lance corporal in the house set you off into a cleaning mode that would match his standards. You knew the captain wasn't going to inspect on your work, especially since you weren't actually a cadet right now but just a normal civilian doing house work. But then you remembered that one time a couple friends from the 105th decided it was a fun idea to slack off on cleaning and you didn't find running laps and extra chores for a whole month to be a good past time at all.  
   
You've had enough laps to last your lifetime with Keith Shadis back at training, and you have enough chores to last this life and the next with every meticulous cleaning task you had to do back at the Survey Corps HQ.  
   
In any case, despite being off-duty, you guess military life had just gotten such a great hold on you that your mind was suddenly wired to meet the ever so high standards Humanity's Strongest even if done unconsciously.  
   
Along the course of your dish washing, Hanji went down and asked to help you, then Devan, then Erian, then Krista and so on. But you just told your thoughtful friends a thanks for the offer, but a no thank you because you were doing fine on your own and you wouldn't take any longer than an hour.  
   
So this brings us to your current situation of humming a tune to accompany the song of running water as you have finished scrubbing every dinnerware (the glass from earlier being your last hindrance) and all that's left was to rinse and dry before you could plop down on your bed and try to sleep the night away.  
   
You finished washing the dishes in its entirety half an hour into the task, which was a good enough record considering that there were quite the number of things you had to wash with the added guests. And now that you were done, you took a step back to stretch your stiff muscles and you decided to walk back up to your room for some much needed rest.  
   
Just a few steps up into the staircase leading to the many sleeping quarters of your house on the second floor, you heard a faint neigh and you quickly left the staircase to go back into the kitchen. You scoured through the cabinets and found a pail. Filling the metal container with water, you then went out the back door and into the small stable on your backyard.  
   
You trudged up to the horses divided by sturdy wooden boards, leaving enough space to move forward or backward, and just about enough for the animal to turn around in the narrow space. You petted the nearest horse, which was probably the Commander’s as it was hard to not notice the white stallion with the many times you've seen it.  
   
Your other hand gently placed the pail down onto the dried ground, and you walked to the other side of your backyard to get a pitchfork and take a good amount of hay into the wooden shed to feed the horses.  
   
“Almost forgot about your dinner.” You muttered, after finally giving enough hay for each of your friend’s horses and then refilling the small containers for water that each animal had in their little makeshift rooms for the night.  
   
A chorus of neighs made you chuckle slightly, thinking maybe the horses were saying ‘thank you for nor starving us to death’.  
   
The night was chilly, and the wind blew through your (h/c) locks, tousling them all in whichever direction the wind decides to follow. You brought a hand up and grunted as you fixed your hair, and after a while of failed attempts to fix your tresses, you sat inside the stable to hide from the wind.  
   
You squeezed yourself in a corner, your hands encircling your bent legs as you sat atop a small bed of hay. You then relished the slight warmth as you heard the sloshes of water and the rustling of hay around you.  
   
It was such a soothing atmosphere.  
   
And slowly, you drifted off into the threshold of sleep.  
   
It was only after a few hours later at midnight that you would wake up; the stable was quiet as the animals were sleeping by then, and being in such a compact position made your muscles ache with the stiffness it acquired during your short slumber.  
   
Panic made it through you as you thought about how everyone might have noticed your absence and was now frantically looking all around Sina just to find you. However, glancing back up, you saw a faint glow coming from one of the rooms you were sure was one of the guestrooms not occupied by your best friends. A faint orange light was seeping through the small slit in the middle of the curtains concealing the room from outside view.  
  
So much for noticing your absence.  
  
You could also make out faint mutters from the said illuminated room, sometimes a small chuckle or a laugh would resound from that spot and you raised a brow as you concluded that maybe you weren't the only one having sleeping troubles and everyone else had a problem in that area too.  
   
Not that you could blame your friends.  
   
When you first went into training as a member of the 105th, you had to take a month to get used to sleeping in a new environment. This same reaction came about when you first got into the Scouting Legion as well. Though it was ironic that despite your getting used to the place, your nightmares decided it wouldn't give a shit and still give you a hard time.  
   
Nevertheless, your point is that new environments take a lot of getting used to.  
   
People who can sleep without worries in a foreign bedroom aren't uncommon though. But try getting kidnapped and watch people your age getting slain everyday by a madman. For every single week. In a span of two years. And you actually survive such a hellish situation. Let’s just see if you’d have no trouble sleeping by then.  
   
A certain brunette squad leader’s laugh faintly made its way into your ears and you gave a light chuckle, wondering what the woman was talking about this late in the night. Most probably, the woman was giving a crash course of titan history to unwilling students. And you shrugged at the thought of being lucky enough to not experience such a lecture in your five months stay as a full-fledged member of the Scouting Legion.  
   
Groggily standing up and hearing a few pops from your joints, you gave one last look into the stable sheltering you from the now slight drizzle of rain patting softly against the ground. A hum accompanied the small thuds of the rain on the ground as you gave a silent good night to the animals in the stable.  
   
With a relieved sigh, you then began a small journey with the backdoor of your house as your endpoint.  
   
To be honest, you were curious about why everyone seems to still be up in what seems like one in the morning, but for now you wanted your bed and you could just ask everyone else tomorrow at breakfast. Assuming, of course, Commander Erwin won’t be heartless and decide on leaving at the break of dawn (which would be in a couple hours).  
   
You were determined to resume your cadet duties, never mind cleaning the weeds or scrubbing the floor a hundred thousand times. You wanted to go back and you’re going to sneak in if you have to. You still had a couple sore spots all over your body and wounds yet to actually close up permanently. But you swear if you don’t get to hold your gear again you’re going to go insane.  
   
Firmly holding the handle of the door leading you to the warmth of your home, you gave a push.  
   
But then the door didn't budge.  
   
“What the hell?” You said in between shivers as a cold blast of air shook you.  
   
You bit your bottom lip, both from the cold and the panic surging from your gut as you applied more pressure to the push, because maybe you just didn't try hard enough earlier. However, no matter how hard you tried, and even when you used two hands to keep pushing the handle, the damn wooden blockade just wouldn't let you in.  
   
Taking a couple steps back from the backdoor, you cursed at your now slightly dampened clothes. The rain proving to be quite a nuisance to you this early morning day and you pushed some drenched (h/c) strands sticking to your face, the wind giving you another embrace that you could definitely do without.  
   
Without another moment to spare, you began a run, your body half turning sideways and you collided with the door. A rather loud bang resounded, but the howling winds and now harshly falling rain had drowned the sounds you were making.  
   
“Fucking door.” You seethed, as you prepared yourself for another collision.  
   
You gave a grunt when the door only shook a little despite the force you were trying to give it. Well, it wasn't a surprise to you though, because Erian was right yesterday when she said you were in recovery and that you are as fine as a person who got slammed to the side of a brick wall and stepped on with a dozen horses.  
   
You felt tears trickle down your cheeks at the throbbing pain you were giving yourself with every slam of your body to the door. You weren't one for crying, but then when you have a bruise that hurts, and you try hitting it with a hammer over and over again. You’re willing to bet even Lance Corporal Levi would shed a tear or two.  
   
Or maybe not… he is Humanity’s Strongest after all.  
   
You heard the sloshes of mud beneath you when you took one step back from the door again, and you were thankful that before you went out here, you actually wore shoes. Otherwise, you’d be standing barefoot in the middle of what seems like a storm. But your clothes were another story. Definitely, next time, you swear not to wear a damned nightgown when going out to feed the horses.  
   
You contemplated about going back to the stables for some much needed shelter. But then again, why would that matter when you’re already drenched from head to toe with rainwater? Not to mention you have an aching shoulder and freezing hands? And don’t even start with the bandages now slightly disheveled and loosely wrapped around some parts of your body. You had the biggest urge to get rid of the strips of cloth, however, your hands were turning numb from the cold and you knew doing so would just waste potential time for getting out of this storm.  
   
Giving the door one kick of disdain as a parting gift, you decided that since you already started, you might as well finish this and you weren't going to stop until you get inside your room and pass out on the sheets of your bed.  
   
Walking away from the backdoor, you trudged a few steps until you had a good view of that window where you saw the orange glow from earlier. You breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the light hasn’t subsided, as it meant whoever is the group staying in that room, they were still awake and you still had a small sliver of a chance to not freeze to death.  
   
You picked up a rock by the soles of your drenched shoes, and with a fling of your hand, you mentally slapped yourself when the rock went flying to the wall and not your desired destination.  
   
“Not a problem…” You said through gritted teeth. “There’s more rocks anyway…”  
   
At least the rain has finally taken pity on you as well; the hard beating of water against your form had reverted back to that soft pitter-patter on the ground just like the time you just woke up from your unexpected nap. The wind wasn't as nice, but you brushed off any discomfort as you began throwing small rocks on the window.  
   
Hopefully, someone was going to hear the raps on the glass and would look down to see you.  
   
And yes, your rock throwing was causing a stir inside the room. You didn't know about it though, as no one has parted the curtains yet and peered to find your very tired figure on the cold ground.  
   
But there was a stir.  
   
“Do you guys hear something?”  
   
A blond boy said as he stopped the slight swinging of his legs back and forth, the said person was sitting by the bedside, of the only bed located in the room. Around him, the chattering stopped and some people looked at each other. A girl with a red scarf draped around her neck snugly had turned to her brunette childhood friend before looking back to the boy sitting by the bed.  
   
“There’s nothing there Armin…” Mikasa muttered.  
   
“What exactly did you hear?” A boy with teal eyes said after another long pause.  
   
“Like… taps on the glass and someone calling our names.”  
   
Hurriedly, Connie and Bertholdt who were nearest to the only window in the room had scooted to a comfortable distance. A boy with two tones of hair had just scoffed before teasing his friends for being scared of such nonsense, but that was until his name was faintly heard and you could have sworn the boy with the smug grin had frozen completely.  
   
Of course, it was unknown to them that you had gotten tired of just throwing rocks and decided to shout your friend’s names out in a desperate attempt for someone to notice you and come to your freezing rescue.  
   
“What the fuck was that?” Jean said in the best calm tone he could do.  
   
All eyes looked over to three people sitting the door; heads of auburn, beige and raven then met all the questioning looks directed at them.  
   
“What?” The girl with hazel eyes said with her eyebrows furrowed.  
   
“Are there ghosts in here?!” Hanji said rather loudly, but excitement laced her words, very much unlike the scared looks of her peers, and the usual impassive looks of a certain corporal and commander.  
   
“It’s probably just a cat.” Ysavelle helpfully said.  
   
“But… cats don’t talk, right?” A petite blond girl said with a small voice, the brunette female beside her had draped an arm around the girl as if to console her.  
   
Another sharp tap on the window made almost everyone flinch. Almost, because Levi’s only response was a darkening glare and Erwin didn't show any kind of change from his serious expression. Mikasa stood up and walked over to the window to bring the curtains to the side, but then a burly blond boy had grabbed the female by the forearm.  
   
“What if this is just a scam?” Reiner said.  
   
“That would make sense…” Armin then said. “There have been reports lately about people hearing things at night and when they go out to check, someone breaks into their house.”  
   
The captain eyed the blond boy and scoffed as a brunette squad leader pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose with her index and middle finger. Everyone in the room had let silence take the atmosphere again so they could make sure if someone was actually out there or maybe their minds were just telling them to sleep because they’re hearing things.  
   
After a full minute, no sounds were heard.  
   
“Shitty brats.” Levi muttered under his breath and everyone had breathed a sigh of relief.  
   
Well, they didn't know that the full minute they decided to listen, you had just taken a small break as your arms were aching from throwing rocks on a second floor window.  
   
Exhausted from throwing rocks and calling names, you ran a hand through your tangled locks. Your body was heaving up and down as you took deep breaths to calm your long snapped nerves, your hands resting on your knees as you glared at one of the many dozen rocks you've thrown at the window, only to bounce back near you from the impact of your throw.  
   
A few claps of thunder overhead gave you a sign the rain wasn't going to side with you any longer, and it was an understatement to say that you were pissed off right now.  
   
You spotted that pitchfork from earlier and you hurriedly grabbed it, only to have it flying across the air and falling with a clatter after colliding with the wall. A neigh from one of the horses inside the stable made you furrow your eyebrows as you might have woken up the animals with your outburst.  
   
And then an idea came to your mind and you walked over to the wall you’ve been throwing things at earlier.  
   
Pressing a hand on the cold, wet stone you took a deep breath when you remembered that time you got back to the walls alone during that first expedition and you had to scale the walls. You know when they say people do the most unreasonable things when they’re desperate for something?  
   
Well, consider yourself desperate.  
   
You looked up and concluded that the window of your choice was a about a couple meters high. How you were going to get up there, you had not a single idea how, but you were going to try because an hour and a half with the company of the moon was enough quality time for you.  
   
Your eyes trailed off to the stables and your eyes widened at the realization that your dad always kept a ladder at the very back of the place. After congratulating yourself for the beautiful idea (and cursing yourself for only thinking of it now), you sped off into the wooden area and rummaged through the mess of hay and other tools, finally unsheathing an old ladder after frantic digging through wooden planks and hay.  
   
Successfully bringing the wooden tool out, you set it on the wall and you felt your heart leap with relief when the ladder ended just half an arm’s length under the room where light was pouring out from.  
   
You wondered why for a while now, you couldn't hear even the faintest of sounds from the said room. Was everyone already sleeping already? Well, you refused to dampen your new ray of hope at the moment so you decided you’d just think of something later when you actually get to the window.  
   
Bringing a foot up the first step of the wooden contraption, you began to ascend cautiously. Your mind was currently ignoring the dreadful pain shooting up your arms as you kept hoisting yourself up, and in no time, you reached the top of the ladder, your dominant hand’s arm was then stretched as far as it could go (which only managed to reach a couple inches above the bottom of the glass window), and your other arm was trying to support you body to its utmost best.  
   
Taking a small breath, you the had your dominant hand curled to a fist and you were bringing it down to knock on the gridded window.  
   
But before you could land your hand against the wet glass, you heard a sickening snap.  
   
And time seemed to stop for you when a side of the ladder had snapped.  
   
Great. You could see it.  
   
Here lies (F/n) (L/n). Rank one of the 105th Training Squad. Only survivor of the biggest serial killing chain within the walls, third in command of the first Repression Squad, and rookie member of the Scouting Legion who made it back on her first expedition, alive after being left out of the walls alone. Died late in the year of 852 by falling from a fucking ladder.  
   
You squeezed your eyes shut, preparing for your pathetic demise but nothing happened.  
   
Were you dead?  
   
You heard the loud crash of the ladder meeting the ground and shattering into pieces, and there was a deadly hold by your wrist.  
   
“What the fuck are you doing, you shitty brat?”  
   
At the sound of the deadliest voice you've heard alive, you slowly opened your eyes to see you were suspended in midair, your feet dangling beneath you and you felt queasy at looking at the ground a good few meters away from you. Taking a gulp, you looked up, meeting a vicious set of gray eyes.  
   
“S-sir…” You muttered weakly.  
   
“Try swinging your feet to meet the wall.” The man said and you looked at him in disbelief, making the man give a grunt. “Just fucking do it, brat.”  
   
“D-don’t let go sir… please.” You said with anxiety lining every word.  
   
“I’d rather get eaten by a titan.” The man scoffed. “Now hurry the fuck up cadet.”  
   
You tried stretching your legs quickly, a small muffled groan making its way out of your throat as you did what you were asked of and your legs were now resting on the wall,  just like if you were sitting on the ground with your bottom half outstretched, except you were in midair, your feet were touching the cold wall and your legs weren't sprawled out in a relaxing fashion  
   
“Good, now try walking up, I’ll support you.”  
   
You nodded and tried moving upwards.  
   
To be honest, you had no idea what you just did, or how the corporal was even fast enough to open the window and grab you. But those can be thought of later, as you were in the safety of your home in less than a few seconds, the captain having pulled you in briskly and you landed on top of the stoic man, the two of you falling with a loud thud against the polished wooden floors of a guestroom in your house.  
   
You were alive.  
   
That was the only thing that mattered right now.  
   
“(F/N)?”  
   
You heard Erian say, and you rolled away from the captain below you and you let your back fall flat against the floor. You then draped a hand over to the top half of your face as your lungs desperately tried to salvage as much air as it could into your body.  
   
“I’m alive…” You breathed, a couple of thankful tears falling from the sides of your face and mixing with the water droplets on your drenched form.  
   
“What were you doing out there (F/n)?” You heard Hanji speak, her tone of voice a little too angry for your liking.  
   
“Locked out.” You breathed. “I went out to feed the horses after dish washing and accidentally slept.” You paused to let out a violent cough, your voice already hoarse from being out in the cold and shouting names earlier, but you know you had to tell your friends because they might strangle you from anger. “I woke up a little later, and then realized I locked myself out of the backdoor.”  
   
“What the fuck (F/n)?” You heard Devan say.  
   
You might have said more or given a laugh, but then darkness had consumed you, just when the beige haired boy had finished his sentence.  
   
A few hours later, the front door to your house was opened, the sun already high above the sky as your mother walked inside the house, her arms crossed in annoyance as her husband won an overnight battle of going home first thing in the morning because the man just won’t have his precious daughter with potential son-in-laws (as your mother places it) inside his house.  
   
It was eerily quiet, and though your father had called you and your best friend’s names, no response was heard.  
   
Now this was odd for them, because most usually, there would be Erian already up and about even at four in the morning. The auburn haired girl was always an early riser, but it was about nine and no greetings could be heard.  
   
Your mother and father glanced at each other, before the two set their luggage down on the floor near the already closed front door. Hearing a small thud above, your mother then went up the stairs, your father following suit and the two were led to a door where some snores could be heard.  
   
Giving a gentle push, with a small creak, your parents were met with a rare sight.  
   
You were on the bed of the guestroom, blankets draped all over you and your three best friends were relatively close to you. Devan was sitting down on the floor near the headboard of the bed, and the boy was leaning back on the wall behind him. Ysavelle was sitting on a chair by the bedside, holding your hand loosely with her head on the mattress while the rest of her body was supported by a wooden chair. And Erian was curled up by your feet, squeezing herself in the small space at the end of the bed.  
   
All three were sleeping soundly like you were.  
   
You four weren't the only ones in the room though.  
   
Everyone from the 104th and two superior officers were sleeping as well in their own positions, some were leaning back on chairs resting by the wall, while most were on the floor with pillows and soft layers of blankets.  
   
“See… I told you they’d be fine.” Your mother whispered to your father with a smile.  
   
“What is wrong with (F/n) though?” Your father whispered back, seeing your form that seemed to have been through quite a lot in the few hours they were out.  
   
“Ah, she almost fell from a ladder while trying to make it inside the house.”  
   
A calm voice resounded behind the couple and they glanced around to see the commander standing behind them. The man already had his green cloak on, most likely just done checking up on the horses because he plans on embarking for Wall Rose pretty soon.  
   
“What?” Your mother and father said at the same time.  
   
“It seems (F/n) decided to feed the horses late last night and she accidentally slept.” Erwin paused for a while before continuing. “When she woke up, she found out she locked herself out of the house and seeing that we were awake, she decided to catch our attention. When her attempts failed, she used a ladder as a last resort but then it broke. Levi was able to grab her though, and she was pulled into the room. My apologies for not supervising her enough, nor for realizing she was missing.”  
   
“It’s… alright Erwin. There was a storm last night, assuming (F/n) was trying to catch your attention by throwing rocks and shouting, it’s understandable you could not have heard her.” Your mother said after a while. “She’s safe now. That’s all that matters to me.”  
   
“I am her guardian.” Erwin said. “I believe I have failed in fulfilling that.”  
   
Your mother just shook her head and she cautiously avoided the bodies on the floor to reach you. A soft touch caressing your cheek as you breathed calmly in your sleep. Erwin was still rooted by the door, watching his subordinates sleeping in the room.  
   
Your father was quiet though, as the man walked to the fairly large window in the room and pulled the curtains apart. Sunlight filled the room harshly soon after, the act successful in making some people’s eyes involuntarily squint in their sleep.  
   
Calloused hands undid the locks on the gridded window and with a push on the two sides, your father opened the window outwards, his (your father’s e/c) orbs scanning the ground below and e saw the debris of what he assumed was the ladder, his good friend the commander, was talking about.  
   
“Erwin.” Your father then said as he closed the window and used the curtains to grant the room darkness again. Turning around, the man met with the commander’s deep blue hues.  
   
“(Your father’s name).”  
   
“When are you planning to leave for Rose?”  
   
“As early as possible.” Erwin said.  
   
Your mother had stopped caressing your cheek and looked over to the two men on opposing sides of the room. Erwin was by the door, and your father was by the window on the opposite wall where the door was placed.  
   
“My daughter has recovered enough.” Your father paused to take a deep breath. “I think she is well enough to resume her duties as a member of the Scouting Legion.”  
   
Erwin looked at his friend for a while before glancing over to your sleeping form. It was true that the man didn't plan on taking you back sooner than a month more, but there may have been a miscalculation on his part again. Looking back to the man across the room, Erwin’s expression turned a notch more serious as he opened his mouth to speak.  
   
“Would you mind if I ask why you’re making this decision?” The commander asked a question both he, and your mother would very much want the answer for.  
   
Your father just pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger before he spoke.  
   
“I had given out the ladder from the stables two months ago to a friend and he has yet to return it.”  
   
And that explanation was all Erwin needed to wake up his squad leader and captain sleeping in separate chairs near the sole closet in the room, whereas your father had excused himself to report the incident to the Military Police, and your mother had rushed downstairs to make a quick breakfast of whatever could be done in the one hour preparations before you all would leave.  
   
It seems the game will go on, no matter where you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 2/3 today!


	25. You're Not The Only One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update 3/3 today! I'll try and update again tomorrow for sure! ^^

You stared at the mirror plastered on top of your polished mahogany dresser, your eyes squinting in a mix of all things related to being pissed off as you scrutinized the reflection of a girl just woken up from sleep. A complete mess if you would have to name it. And you couldn't help but glare at the girl narrowing her eyes back at you.  
   
Bruises, gashes, closed and open wounds, cuts, scratches, a dreadful headache from last night’s agenda and a cold with an up and coming high fever. Was there anything your body wasn't collecting right now?  
   
You swear sometimes you thought you were some kind of canvas, and the world had the honor of being the artist that definitely didn't spare coloring your (s/c) skin black and blue. And red, yes, that seemed to be the most important color for the world right now as it definitely tinted you with the color in every way possible.  
   
You gave a deep sigh as you averted your gaze from the mirror and saw an old leather book peeking out of a drawer of your dresser. Walking over to the wooden device, you took the object out, a feeling of nostalgia then washing over you as you remembered the notebook as some kind of journal a medic gave you as a measure to help you recover from the trauma of being held hostage by a madman.  
   
Your fingers grazed over the leather cover, and using both hands, you opened the notebook, fingers flipping by the pages as you skimmed through your hardly recognizable thirteen year old handwriting. A little bit of skimming through pages, a sharp sting from your right hand’s index finger caused you to flinch.  
   
Biting your bottom lip, you closed the leather journal hurriedly, then you tucked it safely inside your dresser’s drawer. And then you held your hand up in favor of examining your slightly throbbing finger.  
   
It was a paper cut.  
   
“Well fuck you too, world.” You seethed with a sigh, a moment of silence lingering in the air before you closed your eyes in contempt and used your less injured hand to brush some (h/c) strands to the side of your face.  
   
In the background, aside from the usual late morning noises of the neighborhood, you could faintly hear your friends talking outside. Most likely, the group was loading some crates of supplies your father introduced them to the day before. That, or maybe the horses were being brought out to the front.  
   
A little more of listening and you could hear noises from the kitchen, which was directly below your room.  
   
Having enough of playing determine the sound games, you walked over to your drawers on the opposite wall of your bed and dresser, and you started rummaging through the compartments. You took out your leather bag from the second drawer, and you made a note to pack a needle and thread as you may need to give your bag some patching up soon.  
   
This bag has been your trusty partner when you had places to be, being that you weren't one for those fancy little purses some nobles always carried around for extra crap on a hot day. And those huge bags like the one at training? You were sure you wouldn't last five minutes without being flattened by the thing.  
   
Giving the piece of leather a small look, you threw it on the bed and continued your task of going through the small collection of clothes you had. Bringing out a stack of button-ups and shirts, you threw the items on to your bed, cursing when a crisp white button-up fell a little short of the mattress and started hugging the dirt.  
   
You pulled out your white trousers from the wooden drawer, and then you strode over to the bed, picking up the puddle on white on your hardwood floor and depositing all the items on your hand to the pile of clothes already resting on your cream colored blankets.  
   
After stuffing all your clothes in the bag, save for your white trousers and a dark (color) shirt, you started to shed a pale yellow night gown Erian helped you dress up into last night. And you could only imagine how hard the task must have been, seeing as you practically slept halfway through the procedure.  
   
Last night, you could clearly remember how you had passed out on the floor soon after the corporal saved you from turning into a mush of red. But you woke up a few minutes later to find Devan carrying you back into your bedroom, with Ysavelle and Erian walking closely by the beige haired boy.  
   
You told the three you didn't want to sleep alone last night, as being outside in the dark with nothing but raindrops, grass, sleeping horses and the eerie moon to accompany you just made you a little too uncomfortable. You thought your three best friends would question you or tease you, but then they just smiled and said they weren't planning on letting you sleep alone anyway.  
   
It was times like those that made you wonder how you even became friends with such great people.  
   
A particular loud clatter from downstairs made you flinch, and you almost chuckled after hearing an auburn haired girl’s flustered voice as she most definitely dropped a plate. Erian wasn't a clumsy person, most of the time at least. But clumsy or not, you couldn't blame the girl for being excited.  
   
You see, the moment you woke up, you were met by a squealing Hanji by the door of the guest room you slept in last night. Your best friends woke up almost simultaneously with you as the brunette squad leader stomped happily to the bedside, to tell you news that you and your best friends have been dying to hear for quite a while now.  
   
You were going back to the Survey Corps base.  
   
But then a few minutes later, your soaring spirit was rudely tugged back into your body when you heard the brunette squad leader say you still couldn't train. Of course, your best friends were given the okay to resume cadet duties, but then how come not you as well?  
   
You were pretty sure you didn't look that bad. Okay, maybe a little too much battered up than usual. But still, you've been out of duty for almost a month. You could only imagine the work you’d have to do to get your slice techniques up in shape again. Not to mention you were slightly panicking about your 3DMG skills.  
   
You knew it very well yourself. That despite graduating at the top of your batch, that didn’t mean you were elite material.  
   
You weren't a prodigy like Mikasa was, not even a natural at the 3DMG like Jean was. Armin’s smarts? You couldn't even memorize your trainee textbooks unless you study for a month. And what about Eren’s determination? You were pretty sure you were about to just give up 99% on that day when you realized you were left out from the return of the 63rd expedition.  
   
And don’t even start with Corporal Levi or Squad Leader Hanji because the damned list of self degradation will never stop.  
   
A shout from outside made you jolt from your self-loathing phase, and judging from the bickering, you could tell it was Jean and Eren probably having another one of their spats. In any case, you just gave another sigh as if to expel all your bad thoughts before actually getting dressed up and finish packing up your things for your return to your faction’s military base.  
   
You were quite excited today if you had to be honest about it, even though you’d be lying if you said you wouldn't miss this kind of lifestyle. Because the truth still stands that once you walk past the dark brown door on the front of your house, you aren't sure how long it would take for you to be able to greet your parents good morning again.  
   
After all, it’s been a year and a half since you left. And you just hoped you won’t be gone permanently this time.  
   
“You chose this life (F/n).” You sighed again, your hands straightening the shirt on your person after you zipped your trousers up.  
   
Just as you had clipped your bulging bag close, a faint knock on your bedroom door made its way onto your ears. You then quickly slipped your bare feet into a pair of leather shoes, the feeling proving to be awkward even though it’s been a month as you got so accustomed to those ridiculous knee high boots that were part of your military uniform.  
   
“(F/n)?”  
   
A voice followed the creaking sound of the door. A mop of pitch black tresses then appeared in your line of sight.  
  
“Was I taking too long?” You began, forcing up a smile despite the headache cracking your skull apart.  “I’ll be downstairs in a bit Ysa.” You paused for a while. “I’m just out of sorts… I think I’m going to have a cold.”  
   
“We could stop by the market for some medicine if you want.” The girl suggested and you nodded.  
   
“So umm… what time would we be leaving?” You asked after a short silence.  
   
“In two hours.” Ysavelle muttered and she let out a small chuckle. “The commander seems to be rushing things too much today though.”  
   
“I know.” You said, smiling genuinely this time. “Do you think it’s another one of those meetings with the higher-ups of the faction?” You asked.  
   
Ysavelle just shrugged and you pondered for a bit about Hanji’s earlier statement saying you had to go back because of some kind of “important matter”. And the only thing you could think of right now was a meeting, but who knows. The commander was never the type of person to openly say what he does or plans to do. And as much as the secrecy irritated you, you couldn't complain about it.  
   
Everyone has a thing or two they don’t tell anyone, and you weren't excluded from that.  
  
A clearing of someone’s throat cut through your thoughts and only now had you realized you were standing like a statue, dozing off again into the recesses of your mind while your best friend was patiently waiting by the door for who knows how long already. A couple minutes perhaps. Surely, even though you've been having these blanking out sessions lately, they don't last that long.  
   
“Let’s go down then?” You smiled, meeting your (e/c) hues with blue-gray tones.  
   
Ysavelle just smiled back at you.  
   
But there seemed to be something different about that smile today.  
   
“Wait. Is there something bothering you?” You asked after a short pause.  
   
You looked at Ysavelle with a smile, but it slowly faded when you caught a glimpse of the girl’s rather uncertain expression. You found yourself taking a gulp of some nonexistent liquid, your brows furrowing themselves as you tried to make sense of what was going on with your best friend.  
  
“Ysa?” You asked.  
   
Ysavelle took a deep breath and she closed the door of your room, the girl then leaning on it as she stood up to face your form still rooted to a spot near the dresser. There was definitely something wrong with the girl today. But knowing what exactly is wrong will never make its way into your brain unless the girl tells you to.  
   
You weren't exactly an expert at reading minds anyway.  
   
“I just wanted to talk to you about something…” Ysavelle trailed off and you felt as if the wintry atmosphere from earlier had never existed.  
   
“Sure.” You smiled. “So what is it about?”  
   
Blue-gray eyes stared at you with determination as the girl laced her hands together, one of the surefire ways you could tell that Ysavelle was definitely anxious about something.   
   
“I don’t judge.” You smiled, earning a look from your friend. “Well, I guess a bit if it concerns the MP…” You awkwardly laughed, more for you to be able to get rid of the rising feeling of anticipation building by your gut.  
   
Ysavelle was the least person in the whole regiment to ever make you feel this awkward. But how come you felt as if the girl with bluish gray hues had it harder than you were handling the situation? You waited for a moment, silence being the only thing spoken save for the usual complaints from your friends somewhere in the house.  
   
“About the murders...” Ysavelle then said after a while, her voice coming nothing short of a whisper. But you, having been subjected to deafening screams while losing hope on your survival, you had picked up the habit where even the faintest footsteps outside the door were audible. "I haven't been entirely truthful with you."  
   
After all, during a small two years of your life, once you heard footsteps outside a large oak wood door, you knew you were going to have to say goodbye to someone, or the world.  
   
“The massacre?” You asked after letting Ysavelle’s statement register in your mind.  
  
You could already feel the need to vomit and curl up to a corner. The topic was, and is, unfortunately still triggering to you no matter how much time had gone by anyway.  
   
Your best friend simply nodded reluctantly at your question.  
   
“Wh… what about it?” You gulped.  
   
Ysavelle looked at you with her face on the edge of guilt of some sort, making your heart pound excruciatingly by your rib cage as you had never seen such an expression on the girl’s face since the moment you met her at lunch during your first day at training with the 105th Trainees Squad.  
   
You were pretty sure that by the way the ravenette parted her lips, she was going to relieve your tension by asking you what it was exactly she needed to know about the massacre. But before she could utter so much as a syllable, a loud rasping was heard from the door, causing the girl leaning on the wooden contraption to step back, allowing tufts of auburn to appear by the door frame after the sound of a creak.  
   
“What’s taking you two so long?” Erian smiled as she appeared on the doorway.  
   
One of Erian’s hands was encircling the doorknob, while the other held piece of cloth. And the piece of cloth contained a steaming piece of bread, a probable sign everyone has started eating their last meal in Sina for a long while.  
   
You warily eyed the food item on your best friend’s hand, your eyebrows furrowing as it reminded you so much of the day you were captured. Of how you were just returning from a daily trip to the bakery, a loaf of fresh bread almost burning your hands with it being just fresh out of the oven. And then the next thing you knew it, you were on the ground with shards of what used to be an alcohol bottle sparkling in the sun with your blood.  
   
You took a moment to expel your reminiscing, and you glanced at the raven haired girl before returning your sights to Erian with an awkward smile before speaking.  
   
“Ahh… Ysa was ju—”  
   
“Just joking around!” Ysavelle intercepted your sentence with a happy tune, a bright grin on her face.  
   
“What’s the joke about?” Erian cheerily inquires.  
   
“It's not good.” Ysavelle gives an awkward laugh, and dismisses the matter quickly by gesturing to the piece of bread on Erian’s hand. It wasn't even a second late when the girl took hold of you and the auburn girl’s forearms and dragged you two out of the room and down the steps. “Now let’s go downstairs, I can’t wait to use my 3DMG again.” She says, and you just look at your best friend worriedly.  
   
Erian had no idea what just happened inside that room, and part of you was thankful she didn't as you knew Erian long enough to know how over reactive she could be especially if things concern her best friends. More so, if her best friends were talking about an incident she so much wished was just a fabricated story.  
   
You made a mental note to ask Ysavelle later in private what she wanted to know about the massacres in Stohess.  
   
But part of you oddly didn't want to know.  
   
Your mind was making possible stories up every second that passes by. And by the time you reached the twenty seventh, and last step of your house’s modest staircase, you had thought of about ten different theories trying to make sense of Ysavelle’s sudden inquiry earlier. The worst you could come up with (and you knew this couldn't possibly be true), was that the girl with pitch black strands was related to the murders in Sina in some way possible.  
   
Now that you think about it, her eye color wasn't greatly common.But you knew you've seen that same shade before.  
   
And you only hoped that when you first saw such uncommon hues, it wasn't at the time of the massacre.  
   
“Come on, seriously, what’s the joke?” Erian whines as you three walk to the dining area of your home.  
   
Ysavelle just laughs. “I’m telling you, it’s not worth listening to.”  
   
“You can’t suck at jokes as much as Devan does!” Erian protested, earning a laugh to bubble up the two girls’ throats and an awkward smile from you while a ‘Shut the fuck up Erian’ was heard somewhere in the dinner table just a few steps away. Devan’s remark, doing the opposite of shutting your best friend’s up as the girls laughed a little harder.  
   
You tried to join in, but then your mind was so blurred at the moment that if you did try to laugh, it would come out at full plasticity.  
   
“You constipated or something, brat?”  
   
Your eyes widened as you stared at the corporal downing a cup of tea, and you swear your face had exploded in the brightest shade of red you've had yourself in.  
   
“No.” You said quite quickly.  
   
And that was the last thing you said as you ate with your friends, listening into conversations but never joining them. Your mother noticed your change in attitude, her eyebrows furrowing as she did not want to see you in such a state when she wasn't going to be able to see you for another year or so. But the woman stayed quiet.  
   
Breakfast ended quite fast, and soon enough you were on the way to the front door after a double check of all the things you needed to bring back to base.  
   
Before you could mount your temporary horse though, your mother came up to you and hugged you. A surge of warmth then filled you, and for once you felt your determination waver, your mind telling you that it wasn't too late if you wanted to stay.  
   
“Stay alive okay?” Your mother beams when she lets you go, and she gives you a mock salute, making you chuckle at her.  
   
“Yes, sir!” You muttered back, salute in place and your mother cups your cheeks.  
   
“I’m sorry your father isn't here again to say goodbye.” She said, a tint of sadness was audible on her voice. “He had to go to the Military Police to report something just as we came back home.”  
   
You just nodded, giving your mother your best grin and you took your hands off of your face gently, squeezing her hands with yours before you let go entirely.  
   
“I love you mom.” You smiled.  
   
“I love you too (F/n).” The woman smiles sadly, and then she leaves you to mount your horse. Both of you, knowing very well that if she stayed much longer, you might have just thrown all reason out a fictional window and jump into her arms saying screw the titans because you weren't that strong enough to accept the fact that you might not see your parents another time.  
   
You gave a sigh as you settled yourself on the saddle, your knapsack feeling awkward on you as you had never ridden a horse with one. But heck, you rode horses at great speeds with heavy weights on your hips while being chased by monsters in the nude. You could damn well handle some pressure on your back compared to what felt like boulders on either side of you.  
   
As you were leading your horse onto the cobblestone roads past the small garden of your house’s front, your mother was saying her goodbyes to your friends. You couldn't hear what the woman was saying, mostly because you were once again lost in your thoughts.  
   
And when Hanji rode up next to you, all your attention was focused on the brunette girl telling you about some results of experiments she has done with one Eren Yeager.  
   
“Thanks for keeping (F/n) safe.” Your mother tells your three best friends, giving each collection of colored tresses a ruffle before the woman faced a group of males about to exit her home. Your best friends were then already mounting their respective horses, going over to Hanji and you just for lack of someone to converse with.  
   
“Oi.” Your mother says as she sees the group of boys before her, the woman’s arms were crossed, making some people in the group eye the woman with caution.  
   
They needed plus points after all (yes, even the high and mighty Lance Corporal Levi needed them).  
   
Your father was going to be a wall tougher to scale than Maria, Rose, and Sina combined, maybe your mother could be a backyard fence or something.  
   
“Just so you know, if you guys try anything on my daughter, I can think of worse ways to do than my husband.”  
   
Backyard fence?  
  
Who the fuck said that in the first place?  
   
“But.” Your mother held an index finger up, making the boys gulp, the corporal staying as stoic as ever as a certain commander resisted the urge to let a smirk break out on his face as he sees his comrade’s crestfallen expressions. “I trust you guys will keep (F/n) safe.” The woman emphasizes on the word safe, and for some reason, some of the people in the group who underwent Shadis' top notch derogatory instructing found this woman easily more intimidating.  
   
“Thank you for letting us stay the night..” Erwin tells your mother, giving the woman a shake of the hand.  
   
As the commander leaves to get his white coated stallion, your mother smiled at the still confused set of boys by her front door. “I’ll see my possible future son-in-laws in the future okay?” She said, giving a wink and smirking at some reddened cheeks as the woman went back to her home to close the door and resume some chores. The woman didn't trust spending any second longer outside without crying after all.  
   
Your mother knew you didn't want to see her cry. And you silently appreciated your mother’s actions when you heard the soft click of the door, your shoulders sagging a bit as you already missed the woman even though you just talked with her three minutes prior.  
   
“Is everyone ready?” Hanji asks, looking around at her fellow soldiers.  
   
After Levis signature click of the tongue, Erwin took the front spot, with you and your best friends closely behind your leader. It wasn't that long when the commander flicked the reins of his horse, the white stallion speeding through the still not crowded streets. No commands needed to be issued, as everyone just followed after the commander silently.  
   
You could feel the excitement from your veins, like when you first went out to Wall Maria for your first expedition before everything became fucked up, except now you were galloping across the streets of Stohess, some people looking at your group with disdain, while others stared with a little hope in their eyes.  
   
Hope that you wished wouldn't waver.  
   
“(F/n).” You looked to the side for a bit before turning your head back to the road. Your act saying you were acknowledging the words of the person who was now riding next to you.  
   
“Squad Leader?” You asked.  
   
“Did something happen in your room?” The woman asked in a whisper. “I’m not the only one who noticed y’know. Your mother asked me about it earlier.”  
   
Your grip on the reins tightened as you faced Hanji with a smile.  
   
“Guess I was more constipated than I thought.” You said, making the squad leader laugh along with you. “But really, it was nothing. I was just bothered about leaving home and not knowing when I could see my parents again.”  
   
It wasn't fully a lie. What you said was true, although that statement amounted to only a small percentage of your change in demeanor.  
   
In any case, you were thankful Hanji bought your reason, as the brunette just gave you and understanding smile and continued riding in silence past civilians. It was about an hour later when you arrived on the gates connecting Sina and Rose together. Your hands trembling from a mix of good and bad emotions as your horse’s speed was reduced to a slow walk.  
   
You could see Commander Erwin exchange some words with a Garrison soldier, and then the gates were opened, allowing you and your group to pass the boundary marking Sina’s territory.  
   
Even as you heard the gates closing behind you, you did not bother to look back. And not that you had any time to do so anyway as the commander was racing his horse across the grounds of Wall Rose without stopping to see if any of his comrades were following.  
   
Of course, the commander needn't waste time checking. It was a given that your group was going to follow the man wherever it was that he wanted to go to. In this case though, you were quite relaxed to know the blue eyed man was leading you to your much missed headquarters and not to your imminent deaths.  
   
You heard Erian squeal behind you once quite some time had passed and you could see some parts of a familiar castle in the distance.  
   
It seemed as if time was going too fast, of course, much to your utter pleasure. And soon enough, you were dismounting your horse by the stables, Erian quickly dragging you inside the base, leaving Devan to sigh as he took you and the auburn haired girl’s horses and led them to the stables. Ysavelle merely laughed at your retreating figure as she led her horse inside the stables alongside Devan.  
   
For a moment, Devan glanced at the best friend left with him.  
   
And after a while, the beige haired boy passed what he heard as a forced laugh as a product of his imagination. He was most likely tired anyway. About three hours of travel on the time of day where the sun was at its peak wasn't really an ideal travel.  
   
“Dev?” He heard the voice of his friend, making him look towards the stature of a raven haired girl. “Are you okay?” The girl asked.  
   
“Tired.” The boy with brown eyes says concisely, and he pulls on the reins in his hands, leading three shades of brown to the Scouting Legion’s stables.  
   
As for you, you were sliding past hallways, thanks to Erian who was too excited to realize she had been dragging her best friend like a rag doll for a few minutes now. Usually, you would had told Erian off about her actions (in a nice way of course), but right now you just couldn't bring yourself to care as your mind was muddled up with questions.  
   
Questions you wanted answers to right now because you didn't like the feeling your gut was giving you. And worst, you hated the thoughts dancing in your mind.  
   
“(F/n)?”  
   
You looked up to see shades of hazel looking at you intently.  
   
“What’s wrong?” The girl said almost desperately as she saw the worry in your (e/c) hues.  
   
You weighed your options. It was easy really, you could have told the auburn haired girl about what was troubling you and then maybe she could help alleviate the tension building inside you. But then you respected Ysavelle’s privacy, thinking maybe the girl did not want anyone else to know what words would transpire before you two.  
   
You were just speculating stuff anyway. You had no proof for your baseless thoughts and you sure as hell didn't want to find any if there was something available.  
   
For all you know, Ysavelle might just be curious about some events in the massacre at Sina.  
   
Right?  
   
“I have a lot on my mind.” You finally answered Erian who was crossing her arms at you, your face impassive as you believed a smile would appear to faux. “It’s nothing you should worry about.” You said, patting the girl on the head.  
  
"Nothing at all."


	26. There's A Reason For Everything

"Hey, have you guys seen Ysavelle lately?”  
   
You looked up from the bowl of soup making up your breakfast, your hand suspending a spoon an inch away from your mouth and staying in that distance as you glanced over to Armin who stopped in the midst of random conversation to ask a question that you have been wanting to ask for a while now but couldn't bring up.  
   
“Ah, she went to Hanji’s office earlier.” Erian chirped.  
   
“Do you know what for?” Krista asked.  
   
“I don’t… really know honestly.” Erian said with an apologetic smile. “But I’m sure it’s not a big deal.”  
   
Devan eyes you silently, but of course as you were preoccupied with your thoughts like usual, you had not noticed the boy’s slightly worried look. It was only when Devan gave your leg a small harmless kick under the table that you started eating your meal again, the warm soup tasting like salted water on your tongue.  
   
Breakfast continued on as usual, some comments here and there, jokes about some people, complaints about cleaning chores, what today’s training schedule would be. It was just on everyday things, although the latter part about training still doesn't fail to annoy you as the schedule applies only to everyone in the faction but you.  
   
You get that you weren't in good shape thanks to the 63rd expedition, and you had a cold that has been going on for a two week streak.  
   
But it wouldn't actually kill you to take a walk for fresh air outside now wouldn't it?  
   
You tried a variety of things to persuade the brunette woman to at least allow you a stroll outside. But to no avail, the woman would say no every time, mostly even before you could open your mouth to give her a reason.  
   
You even spent the first week of your return in your room, only going out of the place for a bath or to go to the mess hall for meals. Aside from that, you were almost always bundled up in your blankets, occasionally leaving your made up cocoon of warmth in favor of opening or closing the window in your room when you felt stuffy or when the night air was too chilly for you.  
   
Your friends would visit you most of the time, normally coming at around the evening or early in the morning before their training starts. But because you were on strict orders for recovery, nobody dares try to wake you up unless they wanted to be told a hundred year long story about titans, courtesy of Hanji.  
   
With that being said, you would always eat breakfast alone. Lunch was always served in your room as Hanji normally took lunch in her office nowadays and would drop off your food. Dinner on the other hand, well, let’s just say you found the bed more interesting.  
   
And so, days like now where you get to eat with everyone was rare.  
   
Well, you guess not exactly everyone as the raven haired girl you've wanted to talk to for a while now was absent.  
   
“You've been awfully quiet lately (F/n).” Sasha muttered from beside you, your loaf of bread already on her hands as you had given it to her just a few minutes ago when you got your tray of food.  
   
“Hmm?” You looked up at her from the other end of the table on the opposite side.  
   
“Is it boy troubles?” Erian giggled, making you mentally roll your eyes but you decided to play along.  
   
“Yeah.”  
   
But what you didn't expect was the sudden quiet following your little word. You furrowed your eyebrows at the silence, about to speak when Erian suddenly slammed her hand on the table, making a few utensils clatter at the impact. The girl’s eyes sparkling like someone replaced her hazel hues with diamonds as she stared at you.  
   
It didn't help that the girl was sitting beside you too. The distance making her stare all the more uncomfortable.  
   
“Who?” The girl almost squealed.  
   
“What?” You asked back.  
   
“Who is he?” Erian repeated with more emphasis on the words, making you wave your hand back and forth.  
   
“I was just humoring you Erian.” You muttered.  
   
And you could have noticed some boys practically smile in relief but you had already averted your gaze from your best friend and down to your food. You were hungry just a moment ago, but now you just lost your appetite again. Hanji was getting concerned about your loss of appetite the past two weeks, but not like you could have a decent meal with your mind all messed up.  
   
You didn't like the feeling of doubting someone, and so you wanted to clear things out with Ysavelle.  
   
But ever since you went back to the Scouting Legion Headquarters two weeks ago, you haven’t had the chance to even talk to the girl aside from saying a greeting or an ‘I need to talk to you’ that would be followed by someone calling for the start of training, or something about a curfew.  
   
Maybe the girl was purposely avoiding you and choosing the worst times you meet you so you couldn't make a conversation.  
   
Except you knew the accusation was contradictory to the fact that you did know of the raven haired girl visiting you on a daily basis, at almost the same times early in the morning. She would just peek inside your room though, as if to check if you were still there, and then she would close the door soon after. Her retreating footsteps would soon echo through the empty halls as you weighed the options of calling out to her.  
   
But then you would always back out the last minute and listen until her footsteps were reduced to none.  
   
“But seriously, don’t you like someone (F/n)?” Erian said.  
   
You just stared at your friend again, bringing a hand to ruffle her hair.  
   
“We’re in the military.” Was all you answered, hoping the girl caught your drift and wouldn't bother you anymore with such questions.  
   
“So what if we are?”  
   
You gave a grunt at Erian’s persistent attitude. You understand the girl is trying to bring your mind out of troublesome things, but she was bringing you into a more chaotic topic. And one that made your head hurt more than it should be when you’re in an expedition trying to think of ways to just not die.  
   
You see, just to be honest with yourself, you were confused about romantic notions.  
   
You always thought being in the military meant romance wasn't even going to be part of anyone’s dictionary. And much more because you’re sadly in a world where what’s left of humanity is at the mercy of giant humanoid creatures that eat your kind just for the heck of it because the last time you had a small lecture on them with Hanji, you recalled the creatures didn't have a digestive system.

But still, because of Erian, here you were thinking about whom the “she” and “her” a particular set of people kept talking about during some breaks and when you go down for meals. And for some reason, whenever you showed up, the boys would stop talking about this girl they obviously favor.  
   
It's not like you were going to kill the girl if you knew her name, right?

And then you think about how you can't even complain because you were a girl riddled with secrets just not long ago too.   
   
You were well aware how childish your reasons for being highly irritated these days were. Which is why, you never voiced out your frustrations because you had long since concluded that your illogical and unreasonable thoughts would bring you nothing but snickers and laughter.  
   
Just to illustrate your point, let’s delve into your mind a bit.  
   
To start off, you've been trying to find ways to talk to Ysavelle ever since you were returned to HQ, but you can’t find even just a sliver of time to walk up to the girl and say you needed to talk to her urgently. This lack of communication then leads you to venting about how you can’t talk to the girl because you were on house arrest and Hanji expected to see you in your room wasting away in hopes that your body could heal faster.  
   
At the last thought, you then glared at a certain emerald eyed boy, making the boy look at you with a worried smile that seemed to irritate you more. It wasn't the boy’s fault he was a titan shifter and could break all the bones he wants and be okay the next damned day.  
   
And then you find yourself somehow connecting Eren’s regenerative abilities to today’s breakfast and how you might as well just drink water from the tap and chew on rocks because the soup and bread served wasn't going to be anything different.  
   
Then breakfast somehow managed to link to cleaning chores and how you were turning so desperate to leave your unproductive lifestyle that you were considering the option to burst through the doors of the lance corporal’s office and throw his desk out of the window because he wasn't assigning you any things to clean.  
   
To say your mind was currently in shambles is a big understatement.

The sound of the door to the mess hall opening had done good to relax the crease in your eyebrows for a bit. But before you could look behind to answer, a voice called over to your group.  
   
“Ohh! (F/n), you’re up early today!”  
   
A familiar voice made its way onto your ears, and you resisted the urge to slam your head onto the table.  
   
But well, your urge turned out to be stronger than you thought as a fairly loud thud was heard from your spot, your forehead burning and throbbing as you pushed away your tray of food for the sole purpose of adding pain to your already annoying headache. You gave a sigh soon after, before opening your mouth to speak.  
   
“Leave me alone sir.” You groaned loudly.  
   
“Ehh, and here I was thinking of giving you some time to go—”  
   
You brought your head up from the table and glared at the brunette superior by the doorway. If only your bones didn't feel like breaking every time you moved them, you would have enacted that little skit you had with a two-tone haired boy on your first day at training for the military.  
   
And if your morals would permit you that is, because Hanji was just interested in your recovery and respected the woman in whatever way you could. You owed her your life after all, with the brunette being one of the patrolling officers who lead the search group and found the house you were being contained in. Plus, you were sure despite the woman being so happy-go-lucky all the time, her skills weren't a joke.  
   
“Where’s Ysa?”  
   
You said a silent thank you to the auburn girl who asked Hanji a question before you could open your mouth to rant about the day. Erian just smiled back at you for a minuscule of a second, getting your unsaid thanks and squeezing your hand a bit for comfort before letting go.  
   
Hanji paused for a moment, as if deep in thought. "She left my office fifteen minutes ago.”  
   
“What did you need to talk to her about anyway?” Devan asked, turning his head to the side to catch the woman standing a good distance behind him.  
   
The brunette woman waved her hand back and forth, a gleeful smile on her face as she spoke. “Medical reports.” She muttered, making you raise an eyebrow at her.  
   
Now that you thought about it, Ysavelle wasn't looking as good as usual whenever you saw her. She was a tone paler than normal, and those very little times when you would sneak out to peak at your friends doing hand-to-hand combat training, you noticed the girl wasn't as engaged as you saw you back at training.  
   
You never got to spar with the blue-gray eyed girl too, well, except for that one time you took the girl on as revenge for her and your other best friends forcing you to eat lunch with the 104th Trainee Squad members back at training. And the girl didn't last too longer than five minutes in that fight too.  
   
“It’s nothing life-threatening is it?” You asked after a bit of silence.  
   
“Not that I know.” Hanji smiled warmly at you. “But in any case, (F/n), I wasn't joking when I said I’m letting you out for the day.”  
   
You felt your eyes widen up, a smile almost breaking out of your lips at the thought of getting to train again with your fr-  
   
“I didn't mean training.”  
   
Well, shit.  
   
“No 3DMG too, because the straps aren't going to do anything but add unnecessary pressure to your wounds.” The woman said, crossing her arms and looking you up and down. “You can, however, go for a walk if you want to.”  
   
“It’s better than staying here all day.” You sighed, before standing up and taking your tray to deposit it to the kitchen.  
   
A chance like this wasn't going to come around often, so you’re going to take advantage of Hanji’s words and stay out of the castle as much as you can.  
   
It might not show because of the impassive look you held, but you were truly happy the squad leader was lenient enough to not let you rot in the castle. You could sense the subtle hesitancy of the woman though, so you sent a silent thank you to the commander who possibly persuaded the brunette.  
   
As you let go of the tray, you walked towards the door of the mess hall connecting to the hallways that would lead you outside the chilly morning air. Of course, having learned your lesson about light clothing and the unpredictable weather back at Stohess, you were going to go back to your room to fetch warmer clothes before heading out.  
   
Just as you were about to push the door to the mess hall open, Hanji’s voice called out from behind you.  
   
“Be back by curfew (F/n).”  
   
You turned around to face the squad leader, a salute automatically put into place when you turned around. Despite the straining of your muscles from the act, your face had a smile on it, a weak one, but enough to mirror your relief nonetheless. You just wished that Hanji wouldn't burst out a second later saying this was all a joke because you might just throw all your sanity to the ground and come charging at the woman if that happens.  
   
“I will.” You muttered, before facing the door again and walking outside.  
   
As soon as the door behind you gave click, you eyed the floor with a content sigh, still not moving from your position as you took a moment to confirm if this was a dream or not. Conversation inside the mess hall resumed after your exit, but it was a set of footsteps that broke you out of your thinking. The footsteps were from a fellow 105th member, and one you knew all too well.  
   
Not to mention you've been trying to talk to the person for a while now.  
   
“Do you want me to accompany you to your room?”  
   
A voice reached your ears, the footsteps coming to a halt as the sight of the standard military boots appeared before your (e/c) eyes.  
   
“I’m going for a walk today.” You said, bringing your head up to face the girl talking to you. “I… haven’t seen you in a while Ysa. Squad leader Hanji mentioned something about your health earlier. Are you okay?”  
   
The girl smiled at you, hands fiddling with the hem of her shirt.  
   
“I’m not avoiding you if that’s what you’re saying.” The girl muttered. “And I’m okay, just… I’m sorry if this comes off as selfish.” The girl paused and breathed deeply before continuing. “I think you should just stay back here. It’s bound to rain soon.”  
   
 “I’m pretty resilient.” You smiled.  
   
“That’s what I’m worried about (F/n).” Ysavelle sighs.  
   
You used your dominant hand to rub your other arm, the atmosphere turning a little cold for your liking as you averted your (e/c) pools from bluish-gray ones.  
   
“Stay safe, okay?” Ysavelle said, coming up to you and giving you a soft smile that you didn't know you were yearning to see.  
   
“I’ll do my best.” You smiled back.  
   
Silence ensued after your last sentence, only to be followed by a light chuckle from your raven haired best friend, talking about how you didn't exactly answer her question of accompanying you back to your room. You just grinned back, already content with talking to the girl normally, and so you shook your head and waved a goodbye, the both of you, parting ways as the girl went inside the mess hall and you took to the hallways.  
   
Opening your room with an enthusiastic bang (that you followed with a shout of apology to whoever would still be sleeping), you jumped onto your bed, automatically hating the idea as you groaned with the sudden pressure to some of your muscles.  
   
You then took your pillow and pushed it on your face, a smile breaking out of you at the way your morning was starting better than you imagined it to be. Sure, you still weren't allowed to use your gear, but you understood Hanji’s point and you could only cringe at the thought of strapping yourself in your bruised glory.  
   
After a moment of silence, you groggily sat up from your bed and walked towards a set of drawers near your bedside. But before you could pull a drawer open to take out a cardigan or your military jacket, you hurried over to the door you left wide open and closed it shut with a click of the lock.  
   
Your mind brought you back to the day you were dressing up and some, let’s just say, unexpected situations happened. After that incident, you learned your lesson about locking the door, at least when you were changing. But of course, the reddening of your cheeks wasn't going to disappear in a long while.  
   
With a huff to hide your embarrassment, you walked back to your drawers and pulled open the first compartment that housed most of your clothes. You were thinking of taking a bath first before your walk, and so you grabbed a change of clothes before going to the storage room down the hall to retrieve a towel and some other necessities.  
   
You used to always have your towel inside your room, hanging by the bed or the drawer or something. Not really the best way to dry the packet of fluff up, but you were in the military and you didn't feel like going to the clothes lines outside the laundry room of the castle just to hang your towel for a few hours to dry.  
   
And not that Hanji would permit you to do so as well.  
   
But then one person went to visit you one day and cringed at the untidy way you kept your towel hanging by the edge of the bed, almost touching the stone floor. And when you woke up, you realized your room had a little sparkle in it. Making you blush and grumble as you knew who was responsible for the little surprise.  
   
Giving yourself a shake of the head, you stopped in front of the bathrooms on the second floor.  
   
Your room was on the third floor of the east wing of the castle, and each wing had their own bathroom for both genders. But then you were always a little too skeptical at using the bathroom on your part of the base because when the room assignments were changed a few months back, you were placed in the area where all your superiors had their offices and connected bedrooms.  
   
Hanji’s room was two doors away from your bedroom’s left, whereas the commander’s was just at the end of the hall, and the lance corporal’s office was just a turn of the hallway to the right and down about three doors. Aside from the three, there were other higher ranking officers in the faction all randomly situated on the hall your room was held in.  
   
And you could only imagine having to salute in the showers or worse, have a certain brunette squad leader talk to you about titans as you scrub grime off of your body. So yes, second floor bathroom on the north wing it is.  
   
You walked inside the damp stone floors of the bathroom, closing the door shut as you deposited your clothes on the counter containing four evenly spaced sinks and mirrors on the wall above it.  
   
The bathrooms on the castle were separated for genders, and each was equally spacious, with a number of open stalls on the left side of the place with shower-heads attached to them. Apart from the stalls, there were a variety of benches to sit at, a separate set of stalls on the left side (with of course, doors) containing the toilets, and in the middle of the two sets of stalls, was the stretch of a stone counter with the sinks and mirrors.  
   
And looking around the place, although it was steamy and a bit fogged, you sighed in relief to know that you had the bathroom all to yourself, not that it should surprise you as you did wake up rather early today.  
   
You weren't that bothered about using the bathroom with other female members of your regiment. But you did prefer bathing alone because it naturally meant more time to contemplate about your life and relax instead of hurrying up because others could be waiting in line to use the shower stall or something.  
   
Giving a sigh, you shed off your clothes, neatly folding them and setting them beside your unused ones before you stepped inside a stall, towel hanged onto a nail like structure jutting out inside of the tiled shower stall. Your steps had a happy skip to them as you turned the knobs on.  
   
Cold water poured from above you and you shivered at the contact. With furrowed eyebrows, only now had you remembered Commander Erwin mentioning, on one of the days you were energetic enough to come to dinner, that there was some kind of discrepancy in the water heating system of the castle.  
   
Nevertheless, your body adjusted to the cold and you soon found yourself moving more comfortably, though still shaky, with soaping yourself up and rubbing some shampoo to your head.  
   
You didn't know how much time you spent in there, but judging from chattering outside and the opening of the door to the bathroom, you guessed you've had enough quality time with the soothing water and decided to head out before the baths get crowded with your fellow female members of the faction.  
   
With record time, you dried yourself up and dressed, waving a goodbye to some of the girls who greeted you for a second before going about their morning routines as well.  
   
As soon as you got out of the warm room, a blast of cold air hit you, making you shiver as you hurried back up to your room and took out an old (color) cardigan from one of your drawers to lessen the subtle shaking you were doing. The cardigan was plain in color, and no design was seen too. Despite being a memento from Sina, you guess people over there did take into mind the scarce resources the walls have been subjected to, and didn't always care about gaudy things.  
   
You took a moment to assess yourself, and just to be true to Ysavelle’s word, you finished your attire with your small knife hidden in a pocket of your cardigan, and your leather shoes since the boots will be too much trouble to take off later.  
   
It wasn't that long when you were hurriedly walking past the halls, almost about to break into a run with excitement but you decided not to because it would waste your energy. You took to a stop every so often to return greetings given your way, or maybe some conversations too with people who were nice enough to ask how you've been doing.  
   
In any case, you made it past the main doors of the castle in a few minutes’ tops. A smile breaking out into your face as you saw some cadets already having a go with hand-to-hand combat training, which was everything training was composed of today.  
   
You then began your little walk around the base, stopping by a familiar place that made your heart lurch in regret.  
   
Leaves crunched beneath your feet, just like that day when you were fresh out of graduation and new to the faction. You could remember every detail of that time when you were interrogated about what happened during your final evaluation exams, and then things led to other things, making you burst out of the mess hall that night to take a walk to settle your nerves.  
   
You stood on the side of the castle, leaning against the stone wall and facing a tree.  
   
“They said you’re not a true Scouting Legion member if you don’t make it back on your first mission.”  
   
Shaking your head, you sat down, your hands meshed together as you remembered the night you were sitting on the same spot with Aiden and Blanche, talking about how things would pan out in this regiment.  
   
Now that you think about it, ever since you came back, you never once paid proper respects to the girl and boy who ensured you were alive breathing right now. But how could you do that anyway when all the bodies were cremated and you couldn't distinguish whose ashes where whom.  
   
You close your eyes for a moment, and then a thought came to you.  
   
Hanji didn't mention the forest being off limits right?  
   
You bit your bottom lip as you weighed the pros and cons of going to the patch of trees used for 3DMG training. You weren't scared of animals, mostly because you knew the place didn't have any aside from rabbits or other harmless creatures. You had your knife too, so that was a huge plus to have.  
   
Aching muscles and whatnot, you just didn't care right now. You needed to go to that place Blanche showed you to calm yourself. It would be hard to find the lake without the 3DMG, but you were willing to take your chances because it was either you go there, or you’d have to spend another night thinking about how the expedition could have gone a different way where you could still be chatting happily with a caramel haired girl and raven haired boy.  
   
Besides, you were sure you could take any punishment Hanji give you later.  
   
And so, walking up and taking a wary glance to the people busy training in the distance, you slipped from your place and cautiously ran to the forest with all your strength.  
   
You arrived at the opening of the forest faster than you anticipated, but with aching muscles nonetheless. You could feel your head aching, and your fever probably coming back to haunt you for days on end, but you pushed the pain aside as you trudged on, giving yourself a small congratulations for making it here without anyone noticing as you didn't see people breaking into a run to stop you.  
   
Not that they could anyway. The nearest group of people from your spot was still rooted to the entrance of the castle a good span of meters away. Even if the fastest person in the faction were to break into a run to chase you, by the time he or she would reach the opening of the forest, all they would be able to see is the foliage and your rather commendable skills at hiding your tracks.  
   
Not wasting any more time, you delved into the greenery, following the route of the dirt path keeping you from getting lost.  
   
You weren't that good at remembering things, but you tried your best. Your efforts were rewarded an hour of trekking later, and you fell to your knees at the foot of the lake, a collection of hastily cut wild flowers on your hand as you remembered the breathtaking scene your (e/c) orbs were once subjected to.  
   
You sat down on the ground cross-legged, but you regretted the action a second later and opted to stretch your legs just so you don’t feel like your legs were going to fall off.  
   
When you calmed down enough, you took out a small ribbon from your pocket that you brought all the way from Sina. It was the bookmark from that medic journal, and now you were putting it to good use as you tied the flower stems in your hands together, a small bouquet of random flowers then forming before your shaking hands.  
   
As you finally tied the colorful bundle in your hands, a few droplets of salty liquid caressed the slowly withering petals of wild flowers.  
   
“You were always a true member of the legion, Blanche.” You forced a smile, and then your walked up to the lake and set the bouquet down on the water, the water carrying the bundle farther and farther away from you.  
   
“You didn't even get to…” You held back your tears as you crouched slightly in your standing position. “Gareth liked you, y’know.” You breathed. “He said if he was going to make it back, he was going to tell you…”  
   
A small whimper left your lips as you hurriedly wiped your tears away.  
   
For a moment, a curse word slipped from you as you realized that your tears weren't going to stop falling no matter how many times you rub the water away.  
   
Your wounds hurt a lot, but your heart that was perfectly unscathed was paining you more than anything else. There were so many regrets you had right now, and so many ‘what ifs’ that filled your mind. Although your friends have been doing well to not have you blame yourself for every shitty thing that happened at the expedition, right now, you were doing just that very thing.  
   
Leaves crunched behind you, and you turned around hurriedly, your eyes widening as you stared at the figure standing about four meters away from you.  
   
Remember when you thought earlier in the day that it wouldn't actually kill you to take a walk for fresh air outside?  
   
Well now you were revoking the statement as you gulped, your tears finally coming to a stop as your stared on the space before you, a striking color of ochre then being the only thing registering in your mind.  
   
A laugh echoed through the trees, and you find yourself gripping the knife by your cardigan.  
   
Of course, the man knew all too well of your antics as you did try to stab him once (and failed) when he visited you that night in your old room. And sadly, today was going to be a repetition of that failure as the man had pinned you down and had a familiar hold on your neck that made you gasp for air.  
   
“Good morning.” The man chuckled maniacally, as involuntary tears started slipping from the corners of your eyes.  
   
A small glint above you caught your attention for a moment, and you saw your trusty knife on the hands of this bastard, aimed at a spot near your head and threatening to come down any second from now.  
   
You knew this was it.  
   
But oddly, you didn't feel too bad about it.  
   
Maybe this was only right to pay for all the deaths you caused.  
   
But fate thought otherwise as one second later, you heard the sounds of 3DMG wires from above, the man then pinning you down was pushed roughly to the side just as he was going to connect the tip of the knife to your cheek. And you took haste to sit up when the man’s weight was taken from you, your body coughing and heaving desperately for air to quench the need for oxygen in your system.  
   
You wiped the tears on your face, and you stared at the figure protectively standing before you, clad in the Scouting Legion uniform with a blade drawn out and pointed to the man who was strangling you no less than a moment ago.  
   
“I’m not letting you take away anyone from me again, you fucking bastard!”  
   
A voice growled in anger, making your (e/c) hues open as you looked up to see the owner of the voice.  
   
“...Ysavelle?”


	27. Before They Get Too Close

You swore you've never seen the raven haired girl this deadly before.  
   
Still rooted to the ground and heaving for air as your lungs burned from the previous restrictions, you stared at who could only be your best friend, in a stance that was more than ready to fight, murderous even, with a hand-grip equipped with a 3DMG blade firmly grasped on one hand, the end of the said weapon pointed onto the form of a man on the ground, clad in a black trench coat.  
   
You could see Ysavelle’s breathing was as hard as yours, as if the girl was also being strangled no less than a moment ago. But of course, you didn't think that was the case at all, as it was more likely that the girl had seen you slip away from the side of the castle to go into the forest and tried to catch up with you.  
   
“…Ysavelle?”  
   
You muttered after a moment of registering the situation.  
   
But then you were met with nothing but an eerie silence from the ravenette girl. The sounds of rustling clothes then filled your ears as you took another deep breath and glanced to the man struggling to stand up after being roughly pushed away from you. And judging from the dried mud track of a boot sole on the man’s black trench coat, you could only assume Ysavelle effectively shoved the man away with a hard kick to the side.  
   
For a moment you were afraid the man was going to murder you both.  
   
He still had your trusty knife in his hands after all, but due to the abrupt shoving he was subjected to, you guessed he wounded himself with the knife accidentally as a hand of his was bleeding profusely. And to be honest, between your small little knife and Ysavelle’s meter long blade, the winning side was very much determined already. If of course, the two do plan to engage in battle, which you assume would be very soon.  
   
“I’ll fucking kill you.” You heard your best friend mutter in a low tone, the words then followed by the harsh crunching of some dried leaves as Ysavelle took a quick step back, the girl with pitch black tresses now standing just an inch or so away from you protectively.  
   
To say you were confused right now doesn't even begin to explain half of what you were feeling.  
   
But you couldn't ponder about clearing up your thoughts as you heard a laugh that you once had to hear on a daily basis about six or seven years ago.  
   
You felt like a mix of emotions within you, but the most prominent of all would have to be fear as you felt your legs buckle up, you body currently shaking violently like how you always used to do at a time where you spent days upon days tucked in a corner of a cold metal cage, listening to pleads and cries that your little form at the time could do nothing at, but shake, cry, and apologize that there was nothing else to do but watch death happen.  
   
A rather loud laugh caused a shiver to run down your spine, your face probably paler than a sheet of paper if possible.  
   
“Go back to base (F/n).”  
   
You looked up to the source of the voice, only to see your best friend’s back still facing you, her grip on the weapon in her hands turning tighter from the way her form was slightly shaking in anger, eyes probably burning with such an intense gaze though you could not see the bluish-gray hues.  
   
Finally gathering up the courage to speak, you slowly stood up, cursing yourself inwardly when you almost fell. It seems the fear was too immense for you that you couldn't even stand right. But luckily for you, your best friend was fast enough to catch you by a forearm halfway before you started pushing your face in dried mud.  
   
Ysavelle’s eyes were still trained to the man when she caught and steadied you on your feet, the girl thinking you’d follow her request to return to the castle but you did otherwise.  
   
“I just can’t leave y—” You began, but you were cut off by a low chuckle, as if the man sensed your fear and knew you wouldn't be able to run as your bottom half just doesn't want to listen to you.  
   
“That was a nice kick.”  
   
You felt your blood run cold at the sound of the nostalgic voice, your fear suddenly being replaced with anger at the memory of what you were forced to endure about six years ago. You’re once nonexistent strength was present now, and for a moment you just wanted to charge at the man as you were: unarmed, vulnerable, and scared.  
   
But there was an iron grip by your arm preventing you from even trying to get any nearer to the bastard standing before you. And you could tell from the bruising hold on you that the girl with blue-gray eyes didn't like where this situation was leading to.  
   
“Shut up…” Ysavelle growled in a whisper like manner, each word spoken from her mouth laced with annoyance.  
   
Your best friend withdrew her hand from your arm, the newly unoccupied and reaching down to get the hand-grip she slung by her shoulder in a hurry to prevent your fall.  
   
For a moment you were sure Ysavelle wasn’t going to actually kill the man her sights were focused at. You knew the ravenette had her own strengths, and her slice technique with the 3DMG was one of the reasons Shadis gave her a spot on the top ten. However, you also knew how high a value the girl placed on human life.  
   
As much as you’d like to see the mental case get a taste of his own game, you were going to have to side with Ysavelle on this case as well. Humanity was already scarce enough, and you didn't really want to stomach the idea that if you do fulfill your desire to kill this guy. Wouldn't that put you in the same label as him?  
   
No matter how anyone tries to lessen the impact of the words, and no matter what kind of reason you throw at the world to sugar coat your actions, if you kill someone, you’re basically a murderer. That’s it. And that’s someone you don’t want to be.  
   
As you were trying to keep yourself calm enough to think for an escape plan, you saw Ysavelle insert a blade to her other hand-grip. As the girl drew out the blade from its compartment, and you saw the glint of the sharp-edged weapon, you knew at that very moment that whatever value the girl had for life was gone. Or at least, whatever value this man’s life had.  
   
The girl intended to cause bloodshed, and it was going to happen.  
   
“Your eyes.”  
   
As soon as the word left the man’s lips, you looked over to your best friend, and since you were now standing beside her, you were able to see Ysavelle’s eyes wet with unshed tears. The girl’s brows furrowed in rage and anger, as were yours, but your face held in it a large portion of confusion and dread as well, because if the man pointed out that those blue-gray hues were familiar to him, then chances are you’ve really seen them before during the time of the murders too.  
   
Averting your gaze from your friend, you stared up at the man, just in time to see the crazed person’s visage shake with uncontrollable laughter.  
   
“You’re also the travelers’ kid, aren't you?” The man said, his ochre orbs now shining with amusement.  
   
At the statement, you found your trembling lips form into a small frown as you had no idea what the man meant by that. And Ysavelle, well, you had no time to look at the girl’s expression because you felt a slight shift beside you, and the moment you did as much as turn your head to see what was going on with your friend, the raven haired girl had broken in to a run, her destination being the man just a few meters away.  
   
Your eyes widened, this act being the only thing you could do when your best friend had stabbed the man in the leg with her blade, the metal object piercing through the skin and actually meeting with the wooden bark behind the person clad in a black trench coat.  
   
Yet despite the fact that he could die any moment now at the hands of a trained soldier, the man still managed to grin. His orbs meeting yours for a moment before he kicked your best friend in the stomach with his non-injured leg, the move successfully pushing Ysavelle away from him, the blade wedged on his body moving along with the girl as your friend had quite the tight grip on the object.  
   
And in a split second the man was gone through the shrubbery before Ysavelle could do anything to pin him back down.  
   
For a moment you were convinced maybe you were just having another one of those really vivid dreams. But the stench of iron in the air was too strong to ignore, plus, though the man was now nowhere to be seen, his splattered blood against the ground and your best friend’s blade served as a reminder to you that what just transpired a few moments ago was reality.  
   
Reality that was worse than the titans.  
   
Snapping you out of your trance was the loud clap of thunder, small drops of rain then replacing the sunlight that seeped through spaces in the leaves. You were slowly getting drenched, but you could care less as you saw Ysavelle silently discard one stained blade, the metal falling onto the ground with a clatter. One of the blades that were unscathed from the encounter was carefully slid back onto the box-like compartments by the girl’s hips, and taken off of the hand grips, colored orbs meeting with your own shades of (e/c) once the weapons were taken care of.  
   
“We need to report this.”  
   
That was all you heard from your friend as rainfall droned on the background.  
   
Ysavelle then walked over to you after picking up a small blur on the ground just near her. You couldn't take your sights away from the girl, even as she deposited the object to your hands, you couldn’t help but keep your eyes pasted onto her face. From the feel of the object on your palms though, you could tell the girl just returned your knife back to you.  
   
You slid your weapon back in its case and returned the item into your cardigan’s pocket silently. You then cleared your throat, speech finally becoming functional in your system again.  
   
“Ys—”  
   
“Later.” Ysavelle muttered, cutting you off.  
   
You merely nodded as a response to your friend’s word, the continuous cloudburst above then making you shiver as the girl grabbed you by the arm and pulled you close to her.  
   
The two of you didn't exchange words anymore, as you took the unspoken invitation and clung to the girl, the two of you then setting off from the ground, the loud clamor of rain and the swift shooting and retracting of wires with the occasional steam release being the only types of sounds you could hear as the two of you passed by a world of hazy green hues.  
   
You were drenched, but you couldn't even complain, seeing as you were just a burden to your friend who was trying to get you both back inside the castle safely.  
   
It was not another ten or so minutes later that you and your friend landed roughly on the opening of the forest, and you heard a neigh nearby, your eyes searching your surroundings in time to see a horse tied to the trunk of a tree. It was Ysavelle’s horse, no doubt. You could tell just from the light brown coat the animal had.  
   
“(F/n).” Ysavelle called your name, the girl already done untying her horse from the tree and not mounting it, extending a hand to you to help you up as well.  
   
As soon as you both were seated, Ysavelle gave a harmless kick to the side of the animal, the brown coated mare then giving a neigh before speeding across the landscape, bringing you towards the stone walled headquarters of the Scouting Legion.  
   
Dismounting the horse by the stables, you were determined to finally confront your friend about what happened back then, but before you could even speak, a harsh thud was heard. Your best friend just collapsed into the ground, and in a panic you turned her over, checking to see if she was wounded in any way.  
   
There were no life-threatening wounds, but you couldn't breathe a sigh of relief yet as you pressed your hand to Ysavelle’s forehead. Quickly, you led your friend’s horse to the military stables before picking your friend up awkwardly, the 3DMG gear proving to be a nuisance as you ran back indoors with the girl in your arms.  
   
Her temperature definitely wasn't normal.  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
You were sitting in the mess hall, not caring to meet any of deep blue, russet, and steely gray sets of eyes since you just didn’t feel like looking at anyone’s faces after what happened in the forest about an hour and a half back.  
   
A sigh resounded in your ears, making you tense up.  
   
What would it be this time? A scolding? Laps around the base with the storm outside? Another ban on training? Or maybe they would revoke all your meals?—which you didn't care about at all since you haven’t really been eating proper meals these days, therefore, if your superiors did choose the last option as a suitable punishment, then it wouldn't make much of a difference for you.  
   
In fact it was more convenient since you were planning to lock yourself in your room for a long while.  
   
Hanji tapped her fingers on the table, silence going on for about a few minutes now since the time you finished answering all the questions the brunette asked to you. A small scrape of the chair a second later when you adjusted your position on the seat made you curse inwardly at the way that aside from the muffled sounds of the storm outside, the mess hall was empty of anyone but you and your three superiors. This setting only proved to heighten your sense of hearing more, and it annoyed you to be honest.  
   
Maybe this was your punishment, after all. Who knows?  
   
“Ysavelle...” Finally, for the first time in an hour, you were able to look at the brunette squad leader sitting directly in front of you. “She has a small problem with her respiratory system.”  
   
What?  
   
“Her medical reports show instances where she is suffering from the lack of oxygen because of problems with her lungs. She was given treatment early so it did not escalate to something worse. It appears she fainted earlier with improper breathing exercises. You said she didn't take any breaks after defending you and bringing you back right?”  
   
You nodded at the squad leader’s words, and a small smile etched itself onto the woman’s face.  
   
“She is fine (F/n), nothing to worry about. Now, for her relation to the murders...” Hanji paused for a bit, looking at the recruitment file of your best friend on her hands before speaking again. “She lived in Klorva, west of Wall Rose, raised by foster parents because she was abandoned by her biological ones.”  
   
You gripped the ends of your cardigan that lay in your lap, your form still drenched from head to toe, but you had no time to even dry yourself because as soon as you rushed Ysavelle inside the castle and called for help, you went looking for Hanji to report today’s incident. And the woman still wasn't going to let you go even after her thorough interrogation session.  
   
You asked about you best friend’s connection to the murders in Sina sometime earlier, which made the brunette squad leader ask the commander to bring your best friend’s file down for a look. The corporal on the other hand, was just being pestered by the squad leader when you called the attention of the woman and told her about encountering a particularly deranged person in the forest for 3DMG training.  
   
“She has one brother…” You bit your bottom lip, unsure if you wanted to hear more. “Ethan Faust.”  
   
For a moment, Hanji’s eyes widened as she lingered on the page she was skimming through. But the women continued speaking in her serious tone anyway, proceeding to continue talking about the paper which contained your best friend’s biological data.  
   
“Deceased, pronounced missing the year 847. He was… assumed to have died early in the year 850 at the age of ten.”  
   
Hanji closed the file and passed it onto Erwin who was standing silently behind her. A deep breath leaving the female’s lips as she stared right into your (e/c) eyes and laced her fingers together, setting her intertwined hands on the wooden table in front of her, as you tried your best to hold the woman’s stare, though underneath the table, contradictory to your well composed self, you were pretty sure you were going to rip your cardigan any moment now.  
   
“Like you (F/n), Ethan was a victim of the murders in Sina.” Hanji concluded.  
   
You felt as if your blood had been drained from you. And it was only now that you remembered those same colored hues, from a similar pitch black haired boy that used to sit by you on the corner of the cage, rubbing your back with comforting circles whenever the madman from before would enter the room of your confinement and empty the cage of one less child.  
   
You never caught the boy’s name, and you never gave your own as well when you were with him.  
   
But out of all the people stuck with you in those two years at a basement in Stohess, the boy, Ethan as you now know, was always there to comfort you whenever you were subjected to another day of blood stained walls.  
   
You two were basically strangers, and though it looked as if you never acknowledged his existence, the one time the murderer came back and did another show of killing. For the first time since about a year after your abduction, you cried when the boy didn't come to rub your back and tell you everything’s going to be fine when it clearly as not.  
   
Little taps were then heard in the mess hall, Hanji’s brows furrowing a little as salted tears fell from your eyes and dropped to the table top.  
   
There goes another thing to add to your ever growing regret list.  
   
And this time, you just couldn't keep your cool anymore.  
   
It was a good thing you didn't have to wallow in the fact that you were breaking down in front of your commanding officers though, since a knock to the door of the mess hall accompanied your stifled sobs a short moment since you started entering this broken state.  
   
A medical aid opened the door after the short quick knocks. The woman clad in the Survey Corps uniform minus the jacket and straps then informed Hanji and Erwin about our best friend’s current state, the brunette squad leader then excused herself to check up on the girl after giving you a worried glance. Commander Erwin on the other hand, gave you a small look before following the medical aid and squad leader out as well. Most likely, the blond man will return to his office to make a report about this incident to the Military Police.  
   
The door to the mess hall closed, leaving you still seated at your chair.  
   
Unfortunately, you still weren't alone though as the corporal stayed behind, and so you couldn't cry your heart out. You felt a pair of gray eyes looking at you, causing you to stiffen up and bite your bottom lip hard enough to bleed as you did your best to stop sobs from escaping your mouth.  
   
You were in front of the Lance Corporal Levi anyway. Humanity’s Strongest probably doesn't want to see you like this, and yes, that was true. Though between yours and Levi’s thoughts, there was a very large distinction. Here you were, thinking the man was inwardly laughing at how weak-willed you were to be crying over a past memory. But that was not the case at all.  
   
The captain didn't want to see you cry, and it’s because just seeing your tears spill to a polished wooden surface just made the man want to rush out there and kill the damned bastard who did this to you.  
   
You heard wood rubbing against stone, a few footsteps then resounding around you. You were pretty sure the captain was headed for the door, but then your thoughts were proved wrong when you felt a hand on your head, the man then completely messing up your already tangled and lightly damp (h/c) tresses.  
   
“Aren't you going to visit your friend?”  
   
You only shook your head in reply, earning a scoff from the man who retracted his hand from your form.  
   
“You look like shit.”  
   
The girl you like is crying in front of you, and then you tell her she looks like shit. You didn't know it at the time, but Levi almost mentally kicked himself with that statement.  
   
But then when the stoic man heard what sounded like a chuckle, he was able to breathe in relief.  
   
“I guess I do.” You muttered, the ghost of a smile on your face as you began to wipe your eyes with a (color) sleeve. Admittedly, you still weren't feeling good both physically and mentally, but at least you felt less depressed now. Your despair was lifted only a little bit, but that was good enough for you.  
   
Knowing the captain was making an effort to try and cheer you up was something that soothed you too.  
   
The unoccupied chair to your left was then pulled away, the corporal then taking a seat on it casually. As soon as the stoic man took a seat beside you, he took hold of his cold cup of tea in that unique way he always held it.  
   
The man then took a sip of the cold liquid, and you could guess from the way he placed the cup back down that he wasn't happy about the state of his tea.  
   
“This tastes like shit.” Levi said, making you face him with a small smile.  
   
“You suck at this.” You muttered after a small silence. “Cheering people up, I mean.” You added right after, now thinking if it wasn't too late to push your chair away, kneel to the floor, bow with your head touching the ground, and hope the man doesn't slaughter you for your obvious display of disrespect.  
   
“I don’t do it a lot, brat.” You heard a scoff, but then when you looked at the captain’s features, you could have sworn you saw the tips of the man’s lips curl upwards a little. “I’m not one to suck up to people.”  
   
You eyed the man, thankful that despite the impassiveness he held in his tone, you knew the captain was trying to keep your mind off of today’s rather unfortunate events.  
   
“Well, when you find someone you like, you might want to change that.” You muttered, almost inaudibly but since you were sitting beside him, Levi caught onto what you said loud and clear. You on the other hand, had no idea what possessed you to say such words to the corporal. But since you already said the words, there wasn't anything you could do to cover up what just left your lips.  
   
You saw the corporal take another unsatisfactory sip of his tea before speaking.  
   
“I’ll keep that in mind.”  
   
The corporal muttered, setting his teacup down silently as he faced you, impassive looks and all. For a moment, you thought you heard something from outside the mess hall, but that could have just been the rain fooling around with you. And all your attention was brought back to the corporal when he spoke again to add to his previous sentence.  
   
“But then again, you seem okay with it, aren't you, brat?”  
   
You furrowed your eyebrows at his statement, and then your cheeks turned a shade red when you realized the rather narrow distance between you too.  
   
And when the corporal’s sentence actually made sense into your mind, your face probably exploded right then and there.  
   
Could it be possible that the corporal actually liked you? Is that what the man was implying? Of course not, it’s completely unheard of. What was special about you anyway? Oh, but if you only knew that your thoughts hit every possible bulls-eye that time. And not just to the corporal too, but a set of boys from the 104th as well.  
   
“W-wh—” You began, your face beet red as the corporal returned his attention to his tea, taking a drink to hide the smirk threatening to form on his features.  
   
But then you couldn't even start the sentence right as the door to the mess hall opened quickly, revealing a set of turquoise orbs.  
   
“(F/n), Ysavelle has woken up.” The brunette boy muttered, making you stand up from your seat abruptly.  
  
You failed to notice Eren's rather reluctant tone though, as if the boy wasn't quite sure with what he was saying.  
   
“Go on then.” Levi said, glaring at the boy on the mess hall’s entrance.  
   
But then of course, you could not see the glaring contest between the two people as your thoughts were filled with apologies to say to the best friend you've troubled so much this day. Quickly saluting your commanding officer, you ran out the mess hall, giving Eren a sweet smile for informing you as you passed him by the doorway and ran across the halls.  
   
As you went to go and visit your best friends all huddled in the room a ravenette was resting at, the boy with turquoise eyes gave a salute to the corporal like you did, said boy then leaving the mess hall as well to go do whatever he was doing before he came to tell you of the news.  
   
The corporal was left in the mess hall alone by then, already having enough of his tea as he poured the contents down the sink, his face showing a little hint of annoyance in them. With a sigh, he also left the large room to go up to his office and do some paperwork another cadet with a death wish sent to him earlier in the day.  
   
Now back at some random room in the castle, some boys were doing their cleaning chores seriously. It wasn't a good thing to slack with chores after all. Some random cadet from their first year in the Scouting Legion proved to them what happens when one doesn't have enough regard for their life and starts messing with the corporal.  
   
Pretty soon, a boy with teal eyes then reunited with his friends, a cloth tied around the chocolate haired boy’s neck, broom in hand, already wanting to finish the last of his chores for the day, which was to clean this room somewhere on the west side of the castle.  
   
“So… how did it go?” Connie asked his brunette friend, the boy with the buzz cut pausing his task on wiping the windows.  
  
"Did you do it?" Armin asked his best friend, also stopping his cleaning, a hopeful look in those blue eyes.  
   
Likewise, every boy in the room (it was a mystery why all the boys of the 104th were cleaning the same room) stopped what they were doing to look at their friend that rejoined them. Eren only sighed at his friends’ hopeful stares, a smirk then making its way onto the brunette’s face as he muttered his response silently.  
   
“Mission successful.”  
   
And you, well… you were somehow confused that when you went to the room the medics said Ysavelle was confined in, you saw the raven haired girl sleeping rather soundly. You were pretty sure Eren said the girl has woken up.  
  
But then again, you were still a mess from today's events. Could you have heard wrong?


	28. Be Careful What You Say

You watched the rising and falling of the blankets, deep purplish hues were then visible under your eyes from the actual lack of sleep.  
   
You did have the worst case of sleeping issues, but then those sleep deprived moments usually went along the lines of you getting some kind of sleep, and then you just wake up at random times during your slumber. There was the insomnia too, but you could usually win over it at about midnight or so. Therefore, since training started at about eight in the morning on a regular basis, at most, you ran on about five to six hours of sleep a day.  
   
And plus, since you didn't have any training to do as you were still on house arrest, you’re almost always just plastered onto your bed, wishing for sleep to come for lack of anything better to do. But then sleep decides to hate you as usual and nightmares just declared itself as your best friend.  
   
So now, why were you tired?  
   
Well, you've been sitting on a chair near the bedside. The hard mattress before you containing your best friend that still hasn’t woken up after fainting the moment you two arrived at the castle stables on horseback.  
   
You constantly asked the nurses and medics questions, to which most would just smile warmly at you or answer you with subtle irritation lining their voices. Their reactions were understandable though, because you may, or may not have been repeating your questions, and asking them over and over again every minute or so to any medical-related person you could see.  
   
About four hours ago, the last nurse you saw left you a pillow and a blanket, assuming you were going to sleep in the room seeing how you literally haven’t left the bedside since a teal eyed boy falsely informed you about something.  
   
And with the case of that brunette boy though, you didn't hate Eren for the false information. Things were stressing enough just being a part of the military, and you understood that given the fact you were also in the most stressing faction in the walls, slip-ups and errors were bound to happen every so often.  
   
Your head nodded off, a sigh escaping your lips as your sights wandered around the dimly lit room. You lost count of how many hours you've been sitting stiffly in this small stool. But you guessed you've been here for a long time since just some time ago, an auburn haired girl tried to make you go back to your room.  
   
When you wouldn't budge no matter what she did, a beige haired boy came inside the room too, ruffling your tousled (h/c) locks like he always did when you were down about something. And then Devan dragged a struggling Erian out of the room, his final words before the door shut informed you that midnight has long passed and you should take pity on your health and sleep.  
   
You gave a curt nod at Devan’s words. But would you do it though?  
   
To be honest you wanted to sleep, it’s just that you wanted to be there when the raven haired girl woke up.  
   
You didn't care if you didn't actually know what to say if you do see those deep bluish-gray hues open up again. Maybe a hello? A mumbled how are you? It didn't really matter anyway. Everyone had those times where they just want to be there for a person. And right now you felt like that.  
   
If this was how your friends felt that time where you came back from the expedition alone and was unconscious for two weeks flat, then you were now cursing at yourself endlessly because now you know the pain and anxiety your friends must have felt at the time.  
   
Hanji kept telling you again and again that your best friend wasn't in that bad a situation. But you’d just push the brunette’s words out of your mind, just like how you did to almost everyone who went by and tried to coax you to bed or threat you to bed (Levi). There were quite a number of times where you actually acknowledged someone’s words though, and example would be when Devan and Erian came by earlier, or when just a little bit after dinner was over, one of the nurses gave you a piece of bread to eat—which you rejected too.  
   
Another example would be that just a few minutes earlier, the commander even went by the room you cooped yourself up in.  
   
You were expecting an order  or something, which made your eyebrows furrow since Commander Erwin’s words were absolute. If the blond man says you have to leave the room and sleep, you have to do it. No objections, ifs, buts, ors, anything  
   
But you were relieved to know the commander had no such intentions.  
   
When you eyed the blond superior, he simply gestured to a stack of papers in his hands, the act telling you he was up doing paperwork and just came by to check. Erwin was never the heartless person after all.  
   
The man was willing to do anything, and everything to achieve humanity’s ultimate goal of freedom from such monstrous beasts, even if it meant sending people to their deaths. You knew Erwin was doing it for whatever greater future he envisions, and you also knew the man did actually value any other life that wasn't his own. Corporal Levi was the same too.  
   
No one is probably too heartless enough in this world.  
   
Well… except for a certain lunatic (the man was probably born without a heart anyways).  
   
Now anyway, the commander didn't do anything but smile and offer you a glass of water. Not really wanting to appear as ungrateful, that was the first offer you took that night, and because Erwin made no intention of leaving until he sees you replenish yourself, you downed the drink fast just so you could send the man on his way to the office or something.  
   
Erwin took the glass from your hand, the same hand you used to wipe at any traces of water that escaped your lips at your hasty drinking practice. Erwin took note that one of your hands never left the hold they had on Ysavelle’s, and you merely received a pat on the head from the blue eyed man before you were once again left on your own to wait for any sign that your friend was going to wake up.  
   
The seconds ticked by too slowly for you, and yet there was nothing you could do but wait.  
   
“Dammit, wake up already.” You whispered, your hand lightly squeezing the limp one of Ysavelle’s, your thumb absentmindedly rubbing comforting circles on the back of your friend’s hand.  
   
You shifted in your position, slumping on the mattress, almost your entire upper half, from the chest up, now laying against the mattress in all its sleep deprived glory. Your hand still held your best friend’s in a rather protective manner, but your face was now pressed flush against cool white bed sheets. Your eyelids started to flutter to a close, and pretty soon your breathing evened out.  
   
Sleep finally successful in winning the ten or so hours of war with you.  
   
From outside the door, a brunette squad leader stood silently. The sound of the door creaking open was then heard after a short moment since you succumbed to sleep, a sigh of relief escaping the woman’s lips as she saw you sleeping soundly like you should have been doing since a few hours back.  
   
As quiet as possible, Hanji’s footsteps left the room she was silently guarding. For a moment, the woman wanted to fix your position since sleeping while slouching on a chair wasn't going to do you back any good in the morning. But Hanji thought you might wake up again the moment she so much as tried to touch you.  
   
And so, feet padding through the hallways, Hanji said a silent thank you to the commander who was most likely sifting through papers in his office. The brunette squad leader sighed, remembering the stacks of death she has to sign and read. But her steps had a happy skip to them as the woman opened her office door and shut it closely. She had done what she needed to do after all, and that was enough to make Hanji breathe a sigh of relief.  
   
Now safe in the confines of her comfortable office of titan related knick-knacks, Hanji fished out something from her trouser’s pocket, a small half torn packet was then tossed to a trashcan.  
   
It was the only way after all, because otherwise you really wouldn't sleep at all.  
   
The hours went by with you sleeping so deep you didn't even realize someone shuffling on the bed. Ysavelle woke up soon after, a soft smile on her lips as she noticed the now loosened grip you had on her hand. The girl furrowed her eyebrows though, as the position you were in wasn't exactly good for a proper night’s rest.  
   
But she couldn't do anything as she didn't know how to carry you in your current position. Plus, when the ravenette tried to pull her hand away from you, you gripped it tighter unconsciously.  
   
So after giving a sigh, the raven haired girl just awkwardly patted your head softly with her other hand, quite happy to know that you didn't seem to be having any nightmares at the moment as your face reflected a peaceful expression.  
   
A knock on the door cause the girl with blue-gray eyes to perk up, an air of alertness filling her senses when the door gave a click and swung open.  
   
A sleepy auburn haired girl poked her head on the small crack of the door, her bright hazel eyes turning a couple notches sparkly as she saw Ysavelle sitting on the bed, the raven haired girl’s back was pressed against the headboard of the bed, her hand intertwined to that of the sleeping girl by her legs.  
   
Ysavelle gave an awkward smile and wave, causing the girl by the doorway to give a happy grin and walk inside the room before closing the door again. From the cracks of the window in the room, it was apparent that the sun had risen, small slivers of light illuminating the room along with the almost dying lamp that was left turned on for the entirety of the night.  
   
Erian walked over to the window, the girl cautiously opening the wooden boards that kept the sunlight out of the room. As soon as the act was done, and the room was now basked in the light of the early morning sun, the auburn haired girl then turned off the lamp that was obviously going to run out of gas any minute now.  
   
“How long had (F/n) been like this?” Ysavelle muttered as silently as she could.  
   
Erian set the lamp in her hands down and merely tapped her bottom lip with an index finger, her brows slightly furrowed as she tried to recall the time she last visited and found the (h/c) still stubbornly awake.  
   
“She was up past midnight.” Erian said. “To be honest I’m surprised she’s even sleeping right now.”  
   
“What do you mean?” Ysavelle titled her head to the side, her hand that was patting your head had ceased its actions and now lay by her side.  
   
The girl with hazel eyes just smiled as she sat on the bedside, near the foot of the bed and your head.  
   
“Y’know (F/n). She’s pretty good at staying up if she wants to.”  
   
“Yeah…” Ysavelle let out a low chuckle. “Unless you drug her to sleep she’s not going t—”  
   
The ravenette stopped talking.  
   
Likewise, the girl with auburn tresses caught on to what Ysavelle was implying, hazel eyes met with blue-gray ones for a moment, both girls then looking towards your sleeping form that was too deep into sleep than your usual.  
   
Just to test their suspicions, Erian gave you a rather gentle shake. Due to all the nightmares you've had, you learned to be a light sleeper, so usually even just a tap on your arm or a small shake was enough to make you open those (e/c) orbs. But right now, even as the auburn haired girl had switched her gentle shaking to a rougher medium, you just shook along with the hazel eyed girl’s movements, your breathing still as even as ever.  
   
“(F-F/n)?”  
   
No response.  
   
In the midst of the two girls’ panic at your lack of reaction, the door to the room opened, revealing a beige haired boy that had just finished his morning routine. The boy was wearing casual clothes aside from the usual trouser and button-up or shirt ensemble, his expression then morphing into slight confusion at seeing your sleeping form on the bed, with two obviously restless girls near you.  
   
“What th—”  
   
“(F-F/n)’s been drugged!” Erian exclaimed, making the boy with brown eyes look at the auburn haired girl like he didn't understand what was being said.  
   
Erian took you by the shoulders, pushing your upper half up, but then the hazel eyed cadet didn't hold you tight enough so you fell backwards and crashed to the ground. Ysavelle’s hand was now free from your restraints, and Erian let a string of apologetic curses leave her lips as she tried to pick you back up.  
   
And yes, you were still sleeping as if you didn't just get smashed to stone floors.  
   
“See?!” Erian muttered in a panic, her hands going to the back of your head and wincing as the girl felt a not so good bump hidden in your (h/c) tresses. Your face was then pressed against the crook of the auburn girl’s neck. It was a scene to behold really, Erian was protectively holding you like a mother to her child. Ysavelle was stuck on her spot, still not energetic enough to move. Whereas Devan had stalked over to your spot and took you away from Erian’s grasp.  
   
Glancing down at your knocked out form, Devan merely sighed and carried you in his arms.  
   
“Ysa, can you move over?” The beige haired boy asked, making the ravenette girl give a quick nod as she scooted to the side.  
   
Devan placed you gently on the bed, his eyebrows furrowed in slight annoyance as he didn't like having to deal with a brunette squad leader’s work this early in the day. Looking over to a frantic auburn and worried raven, the boy with brown eyes let out a deep breath and ruffled both heads of colored tresses.  
   
“It’s probably Hanji.” Devan muttered as he crossed his arms and looked over to your form all covered up in blankets. “I don’t think (F/n) is in any kind of danger, let’s just leave her. She needs the rest after all.”  
   
Reluctantly, Erian gave a nod, but she was going to question the squad leader later on. Ysavelle was a little worried about your state as well, but she couldn't have done anything else as she was forced out of bed. Your three friends then left you in the room and went down to the mess hall for breakfast. And possibly, the three meant to interrogate a brunette squad leader for her actions.  
   
Left all alone, you still slept for what seemed to be a couple more hours.  
   
But since Hanji did take into consideration a careful dosage for you, you were able to wake up just past lunch hour and not a month later.  
   
Blinking, you sat up, automatically giving a wince as you felt a throbbing sensation at the back of your head. You brought a hand to feel the painful area, a rather good sized bump making you furrow your eyebrows as you had no idea what happened for you to get something like that.  
   
Now that you thought about it, you weren't in your room too.  
   
What, exactly, were you doing again last night?  
   
You pressed a palm to your forehead, your memories from the night before were just hazy little pictures. You do remember being so determined to stay up and wait for your best friends awakening, but the rest after that was a blur. Speaking of the memory of your raven haired best friend, you took a look around the room you were in.  
   
A small note to the bedside table caught your sights.  
   
Picking it up, you gave the note a quick skim through, your eyebrows scrunching up in slight irritation as you reread some words over and over again.

   
(F/n),  
   
I’m already fine, thank you for staying up just to look after me.  
Squad Leader Hanji gave you something that caused you to sleep. She said you’d wake up about lunch time or past that. Training is done for the day by then, so just come to the mess hall anyway. You need to eat!  
-Ysa

 

You let out a sigh as you folded the little piece of paper and tucked it onto your trouser’s pocket. You now know the reason why your memories appeared so hazy, and why the water the commander gave you last night had a rather bad after taste. Back at the time where you were still under therapy sessions to get rid of your trauma from the murdering in Sina, your family doctor used to give you some kind of sleeping aid that subtly messed up your memories when you wake up. And just to say, you were none too happy about it since you were basically knocked out and vulnerable for a duration of time.  
   
But what was with the bump on your head though?  
   
It was as if someone just slammed you to the ground or something.  
   
You pushed all thoughts away for now, concluding to yourself that you could just get some answers later when you do get to the mess hall. You felt a little happy that Ysavelle has woken up though, and just that information was enough to give you a sense of relief.  
   
You got up from bed, your feet brushing past a pair of slippers that you owned. You guessed one of your best friends must have left them there knowing you hated the freezing feeling of those icy stone floors against your bare feet. Inwardly saying a general thank you to all three of your best friends, you left Ysavelle’s bedroom silently, your feet then trudging past the hallways comfortably as you headed to the direction of the mess hall.  
   
Of course, as much as you were happy about Ysavelle’s recovery, you could not help but still feel irritated.  
   
And here you were, quite proud about yourself for lasting almost seven years without taking that damned pill to sleep. You knew your sleeping schedule was far from ideal, but it had a few perks. Of which the most prominent one would be waking up at the sign of an intruder in your room or something.  
   
You were a very light sleeper, and that helped you a lot since you could react quickly to whatever is going on around you. When you have a very successful murderer on your heels, the least you’d want was to give the guy a great and easy opportunity to just stab you to death, right?  
   
You couldn't help the hard stomping of your feet, and you swear steam could have been emanating from you as you briskly walked past hallways to go and confront a certain superior of yours.  
   
The moment the mess hall’s door slammed hard enough to maybe get detached from its hinges, everyone who was inside didn't even lecture you or scold you since they were all aware of what a brunette squad leader did.  
   
Walking past tables to get to your desired person, everyone tried their best to ignore whatever ruckus you were going to cause. And when you did reach a particular table situated near a far corner of the room, you slammed your hands on the polished wood. Your brows further creasing when Hanji just smiled at you with an apologetic expression.  
   
“Explain.” You seethed.  
   
“W-well…” Hanji began.  
   
But then before you could even hear whatever the brunette woman was going to say, someone had tackled you from the back. A pair of arms then hugging you from behind and you sighed as you knew there was only one person in your life that could react like this whenever she was worried.  
   
“Let go.” You muttered, pulling at the arms firmly wrapped around you. Hanji was able to breathe a sigh of relief then since your deadly gaze was taken away from her.  
   
“No.”  
   
“Erian…” You sighed.  
   
“How are you feeling?”  
   
At the sound of the new voice, you turned as much as you can to look to your side and see Devan and Ysavelle standing next to you. The ravenette smiled at you before trying to take off the girl latching onto your waist, whereas the beige haired boy was looking sternly at you, expecting an answer.  
   
“I feel great.” You responded in monotone, causing the boy to smirk as you still had that sarcastic tendency inside you. Meaning you probably weren't that angry if you could still make jokes.  
   
And well, the boy was right. You weren't angry at all. You understood that Hanji was probably just too worried since you refused to sleep for a really long time. But then, you just wished the woman didn't have to resort to such extremes just to get you some rest.  
   
“You know what, never mind. I don’t care anymore.” You sighed, crossing your arms and facing the squad leader behind you. An unspoken question then lingered between you and your superior.  
   
“I won’t do it again.” Hanji happily remarked to which you nodded at.  
   
Your best friends then dragged you away from the superior’s table to have you eat. And just then had you realized that the last meal you took was yesterday’s breakfast. No wonder your stomach has been grumbling on of a while now. Even causing an auburn haired girl to laugh which you just flicked her forehead in response.  
   
Conversations filled the background as you focused on getting food into your system.  
   
Since the mess hall was quite full even though the official lunch hour had ended quite a while ago, you and your friends opted to sit with those superiors of yours from the 104th since the rest of the tables that the 105th occupied had either no more room or just enough space for one or two people to squeeze in.  
   
Aside from the table where the 104th was seated at, the only other option with a good amount of space available would be the table of the faction’s high ranking officers. And that was a definite no since you didn’t really feel like eating in front of such professionals talking about boring paperwork. That, and because you still had this minuscule urge to engage a specific brunette in a good, long, brawl that could end up with you tossing her outside the walls.  
   
But in all honestly, you were fine with sitting anywhere really, since you would just be eating for a span of minutes and then get back to your room since you still couldn't train.  
   
And thanks to yesterday’s rendezvous, you didn't feel like taking a walk anymore. You doubt Hanji or Erwin would give any more freedom as well, considering you basically almost died again yesterday if not for Ysavelle coming to your rescue.  
   
Stuffing your face with soup and half a piece of bread (you gave the other half to Sasha), you zoned out of your friends’ conversations since you didn't really find anything interesting.  
   
The talks were almost always about training techniques that didn't apply to a current civilian like you. And then there were snippets about 3DMG maintenance that also didn't apply to you because your gear was still hidden in some kind of storage area in Hanji’s office, and you’re guessing you won’t be able to use it unless the woman gives it back.  
   
Erian told a joke that everyone laughed at. Devan conversed with Connie about something you couldn’t hear much, and Krista was asking Ysavelle about how the girl was holding up. You on the other hand were just eating silently.  
   
A little while earlier, the mess hall started to get less and less crowded. After all, everyone else finished their lunch even before you got here, so that meant the countless groups who occupied the dining area were either just letting time pass by through socializing, or maybe just because they had nothing better to do than sit and tell embarrassing stories of their friends.  
   
Training was done, as Ysavelle told you in the note, and judging from the light and casual atmosphere, you guessed the corporal was lenient enough today to not torture anyone with a mountain of cleaning chores.  
   
A few more scoops of your soup and you would be done. By now, the mess hall was empty save for you and everyone in the 104th, plus the brunette squad leader and the stoic captain. Commander Erwin had excused himself just a few seconds ago when some cadet informed the blond man of a new set of papers to spend time with.  
   
So here you were, down to the last spoonfuls of your meal when Hanji decided to drag a certain irritated man across the room just so she could join in with the chattering in your table.  
   
As usual you didn't engage in any of the talks, but then when you heard a subtle mention of that mystery girl a set of boys and corporal likes, your sights were finally lifted from the almost empty bowl of food you had and landed onto the brunette squad leader who last spoke.  
   
You saw some of the boys have light tints in their cheeks, causing you to raise a brow.  
   
You figured today was a good time too, and so you finally joined in the conversation. Or rather, you started a new one.  
   
“Who do you guys like?” You muttered, causing all talk to stop at the table.  
   
For a moment you were sure Hanji was about to say something, but then a certain lance corporal had kicked her by the shin to shut her up. The woman didn't double up in pain though, rather, she just laughed which further confused you.  
   
“W-what do you mean (F/n)?” A blond boy asked, to which you just dropped your spoon into your bowl gently before speaking.  
   
“I keep hearing you guys talking about some “she” or “her”.” You said. “It seems everyone else knows but me.”  
   
“Well i-its—” Bertholdt began but you cut him off, knowing he’ll probably just shrug the topic off.  
   
“Come on.” You muttered with a small smile. “I’m not going to tell her, I promise!”  
   
Hanji’s laugh became all the more clear. And Ysavelle and Erian did their best to slap a hand to the woman’s mouth to stop her from making the situation more awkward. Devan just stood by you, and though you couldn't see it, you felt the guy smirking.  
   
“It’s hard to explain…” Jean sighed, his head topped with two-tones of color then resting on his palm as he averted your gaze.  
   
You further creased your brows.  
   
“Is it someone I know?” You asked.  
   
“Why do you want to know anyway, brat?” The corporal said, making you stand up from your seat.  
   
“I…” You began.  
   
Well, really, why did you want to know anyway? If you did find out who the girl is, nothing’s going to change. You’re just getting information that won’t be useful to you and yet you can’t help but want to know who this girl was.  
   
You bit your bottom lip in annoyance, your hands clenching by your sides as you tried to think of how to answer Connie’s question.  
   
Trust.  
   
Was that it?  
   
Okay, let’s settle with that then. Since you were too ignorant at the moment to realize or take into consideration that maybe the reason why you’re so hell bent on finding out who this girl was, was because there was love in the picture, and that you may or may not have developed some kind of infatuation with the boys.  
   
“It’s because I just don’t like being left ou—”  
   
“Anyway, whoever it is, it’s not going to be you.” Someone cut you off.  
   
Silence consumed the room for a moment, your eyes widening as you faced a brawny man a little ways across the table and to your left. Reiner was just trying to lighten up the mood and possibly escape an imminent confession. The rest of the boys, having nothing else better to use as an escape route, had joined in as well.  
   
Erian and Ysavelle let go of the brunette squad leader to look at your silent visage. Likewise, Hanji had stopped her laughing and looked over to you as well.  
   
“Yeah.” Connie snickered, making you look down to the table top. “But anyway, if ya really want to kn—”  
   
“… anyway.” You mumbled a sentence incoherently, causing the current speaker to stop talking.  
   
“(F/n), they’re just jo—” Ysavelle began, worried that you were taking this to heart without knowing the real meaning behind the boys' actions. And well, the ravenette wasn't off the mark with this one, but then you cut her comforting words off when you looked up, displaying a set of moistened (e/c) orbs that effectively shut the boys up.  
   
You forced a laugh out. “I know there’s nothing special about me. Sorry about that. But I wasn't implying I was the girl you were talking about. I know that much.”  
   
And after that sentence you took your tray away from the table and went to the kitchen to deposit it into the sink. After doing so, you turned open the faucet for a drink to calm your nerves. And then you walked back out of the kitchen and then away from the mess hall, not a single word of good bye or a ‘see you later’ then leaving your lips as you closed the door of the mess hall rather harshly and broke into a run for your room.  
   
As your footsteps echoed through the near empty halls, you could not get rid of the heavy feeling in your heart. And speaking of the beating device, why did it hurt?  
   
Back at the mess hall, a brunette squad leader brought an index finger and thumb to rub the bridge of her nose. A beige haired boy had left to chase after you about a few seconds earlier, whereas your two other best friends left inside the room settled with sending glares to the group before them.  
   
There was no doubt about it, they just screwed up. Plus, the teary look in your eyes was something the boys and the captain never calculated to be your reaction. They hurt you, your words and expression pretty much screamed that fact at them.  
   
And now they don’t know how to ever take back what they said.  
   
“She’s going to avoid you.” Erian sighed, her hazel eyes showing a tint of annoyance.  
   
“Just give the brat some time then.” Levi said impassively.  
   
“Time…” Hanji uttered, pushing her glasses further up her nose. “I believe (F/n)’s longest record was avoiding someone for three years.”  
   
Well, shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 1/2 today ^^


	29. How To Say You're Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 2/2 today!

“Do you remember that time…”  
   
“Haha, yeah, Instructor Shadis really had a…”  
   
“That prank was awesome though.”  
   
“Not worth it—Oh, good morning (F/n)!”  
   
You passed by some fellow members of the 105th, your reply coming off as a small smile to their greeting before you set off into the halls again.  
   
Your slipper clad feet padded through the stone hallways, nodding every so often at people who spared enough time to send you a small ‘hello’ or a ‘good morning’. And once you stopped in front of a wooden door, you pressed a hand to the board and closed your eyes in an attempt to relax yourself.  
   
You gave a deep breath, allowing your ears to pick up sounds from inside. And when you couldn't hear anything save for muffled conversations from what seemed like two or so people, you confirmed Hanji kept true to her word that a particular set of people were kept away from the mess hall for the duration of time you’ll be there.  
  
It was the agreement after all, and you gave a sigh and pushed the wooden board before you.  
   
Your (e/c) hues did a quick scan of the newly opened space, your face always seemed unreadable these days as you stepped into the mess hall and gently closed the door behind you.  
   
Really, in all honestly, you’d rather be in your bed, wrapped with your blankets as you continued to wallow in annoyance by an event that transpired in this very area of the castle a ~~month~~   _short_  while ago. But then, after a trio composed of your two female best friends and a brunette squad leader forced entrance into your bedroom and tried to convince you to eat with them for the twentieth time or so since your episodes of evasion started. You figured the only way to keep the three from bugging you again was to comply with their wishes.  
   
And that explains why you’re here. But of course, there were some rules set in order for the three to gain your compliance. Of which one rule consisted of not having any of the 104th males and a certain captain in the same room of something.  
   
But it’s not that you haven’t been eating properly though. In fact, you were doing well eating those three meals a day thing for once. It’s just that you made it a point to eat on a different schedule, which would always be one hour later or one hour before everyone else would come to the mess hall for their meals.  
   
Whatever small talk was happening inside the mess hall ceased for a moment when you entered. And your eyes widened for a moment to realize that the reason why the mess hall was eerily quiet was because there were only four people inside aside from you.  
   
On a table about six or seven steps away from the entrance, was seated commander Erwin and squad leader Hanji, both of which seemed to be discussing some plans with the small stack of ten or so papers in their hands. And seated one empty chair away from each of the two superiors, were two familiar mops of auburn and raven.  
   
Ysavelle, who was sitting in a spot making it so she was facing the doorway, was the first to see you come in. The ravenette then ceased drinking from a cup of water in favor for tapping the shoulder of an auburn haired girl seated across her and then pointing to your general direction. Erian momentarily turned around in her spot to beckon you over, a happy glint in those hazel hues as you huffed and stalked over to the table near a corner.  
   
You haven’t really thought about it until now, but you haven’t seen Devan lately, which explains how you’re able to keep throwing this fit and avoid people.  
   
Devan was like your guardian sometimes, seemingly impassive and looks like he doesn't give a damn about you and any one of his best friends. But that’s just how he was on the outside, or at least that’s just how everyone else sees him.  
   
The boy was honestly an over protective guy, a tad awkward and not that good at expressing his feelings. Plus he sucks at making jokes which was the sole reason you and your friends would laugh at them. Because they sucked.  
   
But anyway, that time you stormed out of the mess hall in a fit of anger and embarrassment, the guy was practically the first to chase after you as how he usually would do, just like when you were young and got bullied for having a trauma at seeing sharp edges. Also, the beige haired boy doesn't care about broken bones. He’s going to break any and every bone he has (and the other’s if possible) just so he can protect his best friends—even though he wasn't that strong himself back then.  
   
“Good Morning (F/n).”  
   
You snapped your head up at the sound and locked your (e/c) orbs with cerulean blues. The commander greeted you with a smile, and in turn, you just gave a salute as a sign of respect.  
   
The commander only gave your salute a wave cut it short. And though your actions may come off as disrespectful, none of the people in the faction thought of you that way because what happened at the mess hall a while back circulated quite quickly throughout the headquarters. So more or less, everyone got the gist of things and concluded that your current actions were understandable.  
    
“Did you sleep okay today?” Erian muttered worriedly, taking a small bite off of her bread before setting the object down and patting on the chair next to her for you to sit in.  
   
You stared at the auburn haired girl for a while, sighing as you remember how you've been locking the door every time you occupied your bedroom, so that basically meant no one else could come visit you or wake you up. There was training too, so no one could wait for more than an hour before getting scolded for slacking off on their duties.  
   
And you lost count of all the times you heard the words ‘Cadet Erian Castell’ by the hallways followed by shouts for some kind of punishment or extra training.  
   
“Sorry.” You muttered concisely, the word being your response to the question posed to you a few seconds ago.  
                                                                                   
Erian looked at you confusedly, until you gestured to the bandage on her hands that she sheepishly hid away from your sights. “You don’t force me to wait for you. I do it on my own accord.” The girl smiled at you, taking your arm and pulling you down to sit with her. “And this was my own fault, I kind of wanted to do a different slice technique and slipped on a branch.” She admitted with a sigh.  
   
“It was because you were trying to copy the corporal.” Ysavelle pointed out, causing the auburn haired girl to push her tray of food away and slam her forehead on the table in sheer embarrassment.  
   
“Stop rubbing it in Ysa. I hate you.” Erian grumbled, whereas the ravenette just laughed lightly.  
   
You found yourself smiling genuinely now, realizing you missed these little things and even questioned why you locked yourself out in the first place.  
   
But then you remembered the reason why all of this avoiding started, and back comes the sting in your heart that made you scowl in annoyance at this foreign feeling.  
   
You tried to sit comfortably in your seat, and you opted to copying Erian who still had her head pasted on the hardwood, but then a tray of warm food was slid in front of you and prevented you from doing the harmful act. Your eyebrow arched when you eyed the meal before you, a look of confusion creeping its way onto your face as you stared at the contents of the tray.  
   
Although your meal consisted of the usual soup and bread, the soup looked rather different, and the bread differed from what any of your two friends were eating right now.  
   
You looked up to see Ysavelle smiling at you, the girl drinking her water casually. Erian returned to eating and then telling a story about some dream she had. Whereas, Hanji and Erwin started to get more serious in their small two-person meeting.  
   
All in all, the quartet didn't seem to notice the rather different ensemble of food on your plate.  
   
Shrugging off your uncertainty, you picked up a spoon poked the bread with the said metal object. It was soft. Really soft. Like something from a bakery in one of Sina’s prestigious for-the-nobles-only bread shops. And you couldn't help but feel a little bothered about this change.  
   
Is this some kind of prank? A dream? Were you possibly just sleeping and this break was a representation of your pillow? You winced as you pinched yourself.  
   
_‘Definitely not a dream (F/n).’_  You said inwardly.  
   
“Are you not hungry?” You stopped torturing the soft bread and looked up to see bluish gray orbs looking at you with worry, which in turn made you shake your head left and right to say no.  
   
“Don’t you find this odd?” You muttered, poking the bread again to make your point.  
   
“It was an experiment.” Hanji suddenly muttered, causing you to push the tray away almost automatically, but then Erian gave it back to you and kept the tray in place.  
   
“Are you guys trying to kill me?” You asked, not sure what to make of the meal given to you.  
   
Hanji laughed, peeling herself away from her spot near the commander just to ruffle your already tousled mop of (h/c). “It was an experiment by today’s… kitchen assistants.” The brunette muttered, as if she was looking for a nice word but then settled with whatever just came to mind. “I didn't have anything to do with it.” She further added when you eyed her suspiciously.  
   
Now knowing your life wasn't in any kind of imminent danger, you took the squad leader’s hand away from your head and you tried to fix your hair as much as possible. But then a few seconds of you attempting to tame the (h/c) monster, you just gave up and looked down on the table top to give your meal one last look of contempt before you picked up the spoon and dipped it into the soup.  
   
Lifting a spoonful of soup up, you gave a sip and found yourself blinking in subtle surprise.  
   
“This tastes really good for an experiment.” You muttered to yourself, not noticing the smiles the four other people inside the mess hall were giving you.  
   
Although the soup was still filled with the normal combination of vegetables and small chunks of left over meat or whatever the kitchen cooks uses, today’s soup just tasted flavorful and quite contradictory to the usual bland water-like meal you had for your early dinner last night. And you only had to poke the bread in your tray one more time for you to know how different it was from yesterday’s too.  
   
But well, no complaints from you because this was literally one of the best meals you've ever had.  
   
You made a mental note to personally thank the kitchen assistants and whatnot that Hanji uttered earlier, but then when you were going to deposit your tray to the kitchen like usual, Erian had snatched the empty tray from you and pushed you back, saying she was going to do it for you and that you needed to rest up.  
   
Not thinking much of the hazel eyed girl’s panic, you just nodded, told the girl to express your thanks to the maker’s of the satisfying meal, and then you proceeded to pat Ysavelle on the shoulder before saluting your two commanding officers and leaving the room with quite the happy smile on your face.  
   
The day was pushed towards a great start, and you could only hope that it would continue.  
  
And in fact, it did.  
   
Oddly enough, when you went back to your room right after the filling lunch you had, your room was literally dust free and looked like it was sparkling for a moment by how clean it was.  
   
You leaned by the doorway in disbelief as you were pretty sure you hadn't done any cleaning the past month and that when you left earlier, the room didn't sparkle like a fairy just took a shi—  
   
You decided to blame the corporal’s you concluded, shaking your head for the profane description that was about to conclude on your thoughts.  
  
In any case, the point you were trying to make was that you haven’t cleaned in a month for a couple of reasons: One, Squad Leader Hanji threatened to break down your door if you do anything else aside from staying in your bed, two, related to reason one, you probably could have cleaned anyway but you were lazy as heck, and three, you still felt annoyed and depressed about a certain event and you might just end up throwing things at the window midway through cleaning just to alleviate your feelings.  
   
But now you were staring at your room like it wasn't yours.  
   
Yes, it did bother you that someone invaded your privacy and trespassed into your little comfort zone. But then when you did a quick check of all your things, nothing was taken and everything seemed to be at the same spot you left it before you went down to the mess hall.  
   
It was the same as usual, just… a huge lot cleaner.  
   
Huffing out a sigh, you closed the door to your room gently and plopped onto your bed, successfully  bringing to ruin the pristine arrangement of the bedding. You muttered an apology and a silent thanks to the mystery person who cleaned your room, deciding you should just accept what was given to you and not complain about it.  
   
Though you do have to admit, this day seemed to get equally better and peculiar at the same time.  
   
Bored and left with nothing much to do, you sighed and found sleep taking you again in it’s comforting embrace. You weren't that sleepy yet, considering you missed breakfast earlier in the day as you just woke up about two or three hours ago. But when you’re left with staring at the ceiling for minutes on end, sleep was a better past time.  
   
Plus, despite the fact that it was noon and the sole window in your room was closed, the air was rather chilly. So what better way to fight the cold than unconsciously, right?  
   
Your breathing leveled out to timely intervals after a few minutes, and you drifted off into sleep just a few seconds too early before the door to your room creaked open. Silently, a figure carrying a bundle of things cautiously walked over to the bedside, careful not to stir you who just drifted into a fitful slumber.  
   
About and hour or so when you finally had enough of sleep, you felt a lighter-than-usual weight above you, panic quickly springing up every nerve in your body as you sat up, ready to take a stab at anyone pinning you down. In a matter of seconds, your hand was already encased around the small knife you kept under your pillow, your (e/c) hues then doing a quick scan of the space before you.  
   
When you found nothing that resembled a person, you raised a brow in confusion and pushed back (h/l) strands that marred your vision with blurs of (h/c). Setting your eyes down to where your legs should have been, you found a pool of soft and thick brown cloth pooling by above your waist, the said blanket seemingly placed atop the thin white blankets provided for all members of the Survey Corps.  
   
You grabbed a piece of the brown cloth and felt it. And just then had you concluded that this thick layer over your form was the reason for the weight you felt earlier, and also the reason for why you felt unnaturally comfortable and warm during your sleep.  
   
And along with the blanket, the day just had a knack of surprising you lately because a familiar smell of tea had caught your sense of smell.  
   
The soft brown fabric keeping you warm had slipped from your hands as you looked over to the small nightstand near your bed. The top of the nightstand was usually a place you kept empty for lack of anything to place on it, but right now, there were a variety of things displayed at the small wooden surface, causing you to reluctantly shift your position so you were sitting by the bedside.  
   
You draped the thick brown blanket over you like a veil as you sat cross-legged and stared at the items you were sure were not there when you closed your eyes for a quick nap.  
   
There in the polished wood, was a rather large and hard-bound book you've never seen before, and beside the literary piece was a teacup, to which you hovered your hand over it and felt that it was still warm. And aside from the two, there was a bundle of red roses that you could tell just from the arrangement, was bought at a flower shop and not just found in the forest or something.  
   
Reluctantly, you took the cup of tea in a delicate manner and pressed it to your lips, the warmth from the porcelain container making you smile as you took a sip.  
   
The tea was sweet, but not too much or to little for your tastes, and as a bonus, there was no bitter aftertaste too. You momentarily brought the teacup back down on its saucer, and picked up both the bundle of roses and the hardbound book the red flowers were resting on top of.  
   
You set the bouquet gently by your side, the red hues of the roses creating a contrast to the brown blanket draped over your curious form. Taking the book by your lap, you opened a random page and your eyes widened a little bit, heart thumping loudly in excitement as the book seemed to be about the outside world you’ve always dreamed of seeing.  
   
There were pictures of things you’d only heard in stories, your hand finding itself carefully caressing the pictures on the leaves of the book, (e/c) orbs glinting with amusement at the new information you were picking up at every word and label you skimmed over.  
   
After a few minutes of browsing through the book in your lap, you decided you could continue this little merriment later as your eyes gazed over to the tea you left earlier. You gave a sigh of content, though still utterly confused about the day’s little treats, and you then decided it would be best for you to drink the tea before it loses the warmth you needed so much right now.  
   
You closed the book for a moment and grabbed the teacup again, the pads of your fingers relishing in the warmth the small piece of dinnerware. After about two or three sips, you set the almost empty cup back down on the nightstand, and then you brought your attention to the bouquet laying beside you.  
   
The bundle wasn't extravagant at all, and in fact, the roses were arranged in a simple manner, encased in a paper covering and tied at the ends with a thin rope-like string. But you deemed the set of flowers expensive anyway since these were a luxury in this dreaded world. It wasn't just any flower though too, the bouquet happened to be made out of roses, which was really some kind of high-status flower in the walls since the inner wall residents were almost always the only groups of people to ever afford such pleasantries.  
   
You brought the bundle of sweet smelling flowers in front of you, a finger of yours then tapping lightly at the heads of each rose composing the bouquet.  
   
Fifteen.  
   
You raised a brow as you recounted the roses again for lack of anything better to do, a smile then made its way onto your lips as you set the roses and book on the position you found them at the nightstand surface, a quick swig of the teacup ensuring you down all the contents and left nothing but those hard to get last drops always left by the bottom, no matter how you try to turn the cup upside down.  
   
As soon as you heard the clink of the tea cup as it hit the little plate that came with it, a knock on your bedroom door made its way into your ears.  
   
You could have cursed at yourself for forgetting to lock the wooden contraption, but you were in far too much of a good mood to frown when the door to your room opened and revealed a brunette squad leader who grinned at your content expression. In the woman’s hands, was held a clip board, and behind her was a nurse who smiled warmly at you.  
   
“What…?” You began, but then Hanji answered the question before you even finished asking.  
   
“Check-up.” Hanji grinned, passing the clipboard to the nurse who went to check your temperature and take off the bandages you’ve long gotten used to.  
   
Hanji just stood nearby, eyeing the variety of things by your nightstand and the comfortable blanket you really didn’t want to part with yet. When the woman allowed a smile to grace her features, you eyed her suspiciously.  
   
“Ah, excuse me.” The nurse muttered as she gently turned an arm of yours sideways to take off the bandage that began to tangle itself on your form.  
   
“How is it?” Hanji asked you.  
   
“I feel fine.” You answered back, and then you caught those russet orbs with your own pair of (e/c)s. “More importantly, I haven’t seen Devan these days…” You trailed off, biting your bottom lip as you tried your best to keep the brunette woman’s stare.  
   
“You locked yourself up, though.” Hanji responded and you just sighed.  
   
“That doesn’t mean I can’t tell when people visit me outside the door.” You retorted back. “Ysavelle goes here at about five in the morning, Erian goes whenever she’s free, and Devan stops by late in the evening before he goes to his room.” You muttered.  
   
“Observant as always.” The squad leader complimented you, to which you just scoffed in return.  
   
“Their footsteps give them away.” You responded, and then you shook your head because you realized the topic was being diverted to a different direction. “Anyway, is he fine? Is he sick or something?” You said worriedly, making Hanji smile as she walked over to you and pressed an index finger to the crease by the middle of your forehead.  
   
“He’s just busy with things.” The woman smiled and retracted her finger from you. “Nothing you should worry about (F/n).”  
   
You were about to ask for some more information, preferably even to know what Devan has been doing lately or where his current whereabouts were. But then the nurse who was inspecting all your injuries had finished and now she was having a word with the squad leader, both females referring to the clipboard that contained words you can’t even understand.  
   
So you were left to purse your lips together, thinking about your best friend and what he was up to. The beige haired boy just suddenly stopped dropping by your room about four days back, and at first you guessed it was because he got tired of your stubbornness, but then you know that person well and deemed this sudden absence quite out of character.  
   
He was your best friend after all. And plus, the fact that Ysavelle and Erian hasn’t told you anything about Devan was becoming troublesome for you.  
   
What if the guy had an accident during training? It was a plausible idea as Devan was always the type of person to avoid anyone when he got injured. But then you knew the guy could handle his maneuver skills well. And during your trainee days, the beige haired boy scored the highest on 3DMG training alongside Blanche too. So for him to make a wrong step in a branch or shoot his wires wrong seemed bizarre.  
   
It was possible, but unlikely.  
   
“(F/n).”  
   
You were snapped out from your thoughts and you stared up to see Hanji standing before you. The medical aid bowed slightly to you and left the room, leaving the clipboard she had on the squad leader’s hands. The said squad leader then flipping through records of your previous check-ups and giving a nod as acknowledgement before the medical aid fully left your room.  
   
“Sir?” You responded with a sigh.  
   
The results of every check up would always end with another week of delaying your military duties anyway. And so you’ve learned to not look forward to it anymore.  
   
“Ah, I guess I should address you properly now hmm?” Hanji grinned. “Cadet (F/n) (L/n).”  
   
Your eyes widened, and you stood up hands clenched in front of you as you stared at the woman with determination shining in those (e/c) pools.  
   
“Yes.” The woman said in a cheery manner. “Your wounds are more or less healed, and your muscles don’t appear strained anymore, right?” You nodded eagerly, making Hanji laugh a bit at your enthusiasm. “You can resume your duties (F/n). But do that tomorrow, as training is done for the day and…”  
   
“And?” You said impatiently, but not in a disrespectful way.  
   
“You need to patch things up.” The squad leader smiled at you and patted your shoulder. “At the south wing, in the library.” The woman winked after giving you the directions and she gave your shoulder a light squeeze before leaving your bedroom.  
   
“When you wake up tomorrow, your gear will be in your room.” The woman grinned one last time before finally closing the door to your room and leaving you standing there by the bedside, a rush of feelings overflowing inside you as you couldn’t believe after three long months, Hanji finally deemed you worthy to engage in training again.  
   
But before anything else, you looked at your room and huffed when your sights landed on each and every item and gesture that was done to you during your sleep and when you were out of your room.  
   
Quickly picking the bouquet up, you cradled it in your arms and rushed outside the hallways, not caring about how annoying the cold stone floors felt at your bare feet as you turned left and right, and then went through a couple flights of steps.  
   
Pretty soon, you arrived at the destination, panting and huffing as you tried to get as much air in your system again. But you didn’t give yourself enough time to even out your breathing as you pushed the double doors of the library open and was met by a group of boys scattered about, most were leaning on bookshelves, some standing by a window, and there were a few sitting on chairs or on the floor.  
   
“You guys…” You panted, gripping the bundle of roses tight in your hands. “You guys are dorks.” You concluded, your (e/c) orbs moistened with unshed tears as you gave out the best smile you could.  
   
“Tch.” Levi muttered, making you chuckle a bit, a sound that every person in that room had longed to hear for the past month.  
   
“S-so… does that mean you forgive us?” Eren said, the brunette boy now standing in front of you with his fists clenched.  
   
You only wrapped your hands firmly over the bouquet and nodded. “I guess I was acting too childish.” You admitted, making some of the boys shake their heads.  
   
“It was a natural response.” Connie said, the boy biting his lip as he was part of the main reason why you evaded their group after that mess hall encounter a month ago. “I’m so sorry (F/n)—we all are.”  
   
“I know.” You said, smiling again as you looked down on the delicate bundle of red in your hands. “And thank you.” You muttered, your face then turning a shade of light red.  
   
Silence emerged from the little room, causing you to look up and tilt your head a little to the side in confusion as every single male in the room was looking at you as if you just came here in a bizarre get up or something. Of course, you didn’t really know at the moment that bizarre wasn’t the word the boys were thinking of.  
   
You were apparently wearing a night gown that reached up until a few inches below your knee, the sleeves reaching up until half of your forearm, the ends of the sleeves and the hem of the sleeping attire outlined with lace. And to top the look off, you were holding a bouquet in your hands. The boys and captain acquired a little tint of color on their cheeks, making you think they were sick or some sort.  
   
After a little while, you heard a set of voices muttering in the hallways, causing you to poke your head out the door at the familiar voice of your best friends, Devan included. So then, you gave an apologetic smile and excused yourself from the group of boys before you, and then you left the library to have do some catching up with your friends.  
   
When you closed the door to the library after a goodbye and threaded the halls with your best friends, the boys had snapped out of their trance. Jean being the first one to speak his thoughts out  
   
“We should have bought 108 roses.” Jean groaned, a collective nod being given to him.  
   
 ---------------------------------------------------------------

 **Notes This Chapter:  
** **  
Connie and Jean = *coughs* kitchen assistants *coughs*  
Levi = the fairy who cleaned your room  
Eren = the brown blanket  
Reiner = your perfect tea   
Bertholdt = gave the idea for the bouquet (everyone contributed to getting the roses)  
Armin = the book on the outside world  
  
Devan = helped with answering all the questions about your taste preferences + some preparation  
  
As a side note: to be honest I'm not sure if roses did exist in the Attack on Titan world, but shh... for this story it does ;////;)''  
  
15 Roses = I'm really sorry.  
108 Roses = Will you marry me?  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So umm... I'm aware of the fact I disappear for even months at a time and I know in doing so, it doesn't show it. But I'm really appreciative of everyone who's reading this! I never even thought I'd get 500+ Kudos! thank you so much /)//w//(\\)
> 
> To those who comment regularly (I memorized your usernames haha... it's a weird quirk), sometimes, or even not at all, thank you! It makes me happy to get to converse with you even just a bit.


	30. Unfortunate Situations

You groaned as your face was pushed in the mud, your arm bent and held tight against your back in such an angle that you were pretty sure one wrong move would ensure a dislocation of a bone or something. A slight sheen of sweat enveloped your body, your lungs heaving as you squeezed your eyes shut and tried to think of a way to get out of this predicament.  
   
This has been going on for a while: deflected hits, breaking away from the other’s hold, glares that were given for the sole purpose of this exercise only, taunts and challenges, a couple scratches and sore spots, but nothing you and your companion couldn't shake off. Not to mention you've been under the relentless sun for about an hour or so.  
   
Typical, it was hand-to-hand combat training after all.  
   
You focused on trying to breathe properly, and for a split second or two, you felt the weight pinning you down shift a little. And this was enough time for you as you used all your strength to turn around, your face turning into a grimace of pain as you forgot the tight grip in your arm. Luckily, out of shock, the person above you had loosened his grip a little, allowing you the perfect chance to escape from his grasp only to deliver a kick and turn the tables as you sat on top of the person, wooden dagger pressed flush against his neck.  
   
“I give...” The person below you panted, his wooden dagger already kicked a few feet away. “Get off (F/n).”  
   
“You’re one of the best in hand-to-hand combat though.” You muttered in between shallow breaths.  
   
“You’re not bad yourself.” The person below you grinned along with his response, making you mentally roll your eyes as you tried to stand up but your muscles were too exhausted that you did nothing but let go of the wooden dagger in your hands in favor for planting your hands palm-down onto the ground so that you wouldn't fall on top of your partner.  
   
“... hurts.” You muttered as you felt your limbs were going to snap soon.  
   
“(F/n)?” Your partner asked, worried you both overdid it because you were breathing too fast.  
   
Truth be told, you and Kent have been going at each other’s necks for about two hours straight, and without any breaks too. Plus, neither of you two cadets held back. So it was possibly an understatement to say you and your partner overdid training because hand-to-hand combat training was intense, but never really ended with both parties completely ready to pass out.  
   
“I can’t get up Kent.” You said plainly after a moment of trying to catch your breath.  
   
“What?” The boy with brown eyes asked, not quite catching what you said.  
   
“I can’t… get up.” You said louder through gritted teeth, your breathing becoming more and more labored every second that ticked by. “I feel like crashing.”  
   
And just as you said that, your arms gave way for a minuscule of a second but you willed yourself to not crash your sparring partner with your weight. Dark brown eyes stared at you in fear, which of course, you met with confused and tired (e/c) hues. You tilted your head a bit to the side to further express your confusion, and that small action required a great amount of effort already.  
   
“Shit. No. Don’t do this to me.” The boy with raven tresses said quickly, the boy wanting to try and push you away, but he was too tired to lift even a single finger as well. “You’re going to kill me.”  
   
 “Huh?” You said after a long breath. “Relax, I’m not going to kill you or anything? This is training…?” You said worriedly as the Kent’s tired expression changed to looking like he was staring hell in the face. Well, to be honest, if Kent actually had to compare the girl hovering above him with some otherworldly definition, then it was without a doubt that he was staring at an angel.  
   
But then this angel… well, she had hell comprised of a deadly group of professional titan killers behind her back. And something’s telling the raven haired boy that if he doesn't get out of this situation soon, then he’ll be titan fodder faster than he’d like to be in the next expedition. Well, that is if he even makes it alive for the next expedition.  
   
“Oi, are you okay?” You asked.  
   
“It’s not you… it’s—” Kent muttered, but you couldn't quite understand what he was saying so you were about to ask again.  
   
But then you felt a hand on your back, and before you could have done anything else, you were hoisted up by the collar of your military jacket, steely gray eyes burning holes at the back of your head as you mustered whatever strength you had left to turn your head, only to be met with sparkling hazel eyes, wisps of auburn framing the girl’s face as she let go of the back of your jacket, automatically taking your dead-tired arm to sling it around her shoulder so you wouldn't fall.  
   
“You’re welcome.” Erian chirped, making you furrow your eyebrows since the statement seemed to be more meant for the boy lying on the ground than you.  
   
Kent just gave a nod, a very tired hand rubbing through his ebony locks as relief poured out of his lips. In the distance, you could see some members of the 105th running towards your direction, most likely about to help the spent soldier who was regretting the decision about agreeing to be your partner in hand-to-hand combat training because you literally pushed him past his limits.  
   
“You’re bleeding.” A soft voice broke your thoughts, and you gave a grunt as a reply.  
   
Lifting a finger, you swiped it on the side of your cheek, cringing as you forgot about how your hands were the complete opposite of dirt-free and you just literally smeared bacteria ridden dust particles onto an open wound. Taking your finger to eye level, you stared at the deep red tint on the pad of your index finger, a groan escaping your lips more so because you were disappointed at yourself for not evading Kent’s attack, and not because you were hurt.  
   
After all, of the many times you've been branded with wounds, you learned to not fuss over it much.  
   
Your best friends though… they were a different story.  
   
“You really overdid it this time.” Erian hummed, one hand holding the forearm of the limb slung across her neck, while the other hand was holding your waist, her arm connected to that hand was supporting you as it was strewn across your back.  
   
Every step you took felt like pain was shooting up from your feet, and the sun shining proudly against the vivid afternoon sky seemed hell-bent on giving you a heat stroke at the moment. Finally reaching the inside of the castle after a tearful dozen steps, Erian carefully led you to the mess hall, a grunt escaping your lips as your legs decided it wanted to reward your intense training with cramps.  
   
Literally crashing on a chair, you slouched and stretched your arms on the table, satisfying pops coming from your hands that you clenched and unclenched in a rhythmic pattern. Erian left your side momentarily, running to the kitchen to get you a glass of water. You held back a whimper from the pain in your legs, your ears picking up the sounds of wood scraping against stone.  
   
“(F/n), you have to hold back sometimes you know.”  
   
You took another deep breath, your eyelids temporarily hiding those glazed (e/c) pools as you straightened your position, your back hitting the splat of the chair you were sitting on. You then cringed inwardly, not really liking the dampened feeling of your clothes and the few disarrayed strands of (h/c) that stuck to your forehead and the sides of your sweat-matted face.  
   
“I’m sorry Ysa.” You said after fits of heavy breathing, your words met with a sigh as your best friend lifted a hand to gently fix the crooked collar of your dirt strewn military jacket. “I’ll be fine though.” You breathed. “Give me a few minutes and—”  
   
“No. You’re done for the day (F/n).”  
   
You furrowed your eyebrows at the statement, a new voice joining into the conversation, causing you to strain your neck further as you tried to see past your ravenette friend to look at the widely opened door of the empty mess hall. A few footsteps to your right then resounded, an auburn haired girl emerging from the connected kitchen with a cup of water held tightly by her hands.  
   
“Wh—”  
   
“You’re not training anymore.”  
   
“Bu—”  
   
“That’s final.”  
   
“Ho—”  
   
“It’s an order.”  
   
You groaned, slamming your head on the table in annoyance, your cheeks puffing out in frustration as Erian set the drinking utensil in her hands near your head. Ysavelle had peeled her sights away from the woman at the door, looking over to your exhausted form that she found rather adorable with the way you were acting like a kid who wanted to go out at night but your parents wouldn't let you.  
   
The woman leaning on the doorway let out a grin, brunette tresses tied up into a high ponytail and swaying slightly with her movements as she walked over to you, her footsteps like a countdown to your impending doom.  
   
You felt a hand ruffle your already chaotic mop of (h/c), and it would have felt nice, if not for the fact that your head was pressed onto the wooden tabletop and the woman was without a doubt strong, so she was basically pressing your head to the table, maybe enough for you to imprint your facial features on it.  
   
You gave a grunt of annoyance, causing the woman to retract her hand from your form.  
   
“Isn't hand-to-hand combat until two in the afternoon?” You heard Erian mutter thoughtfully, receiving what you assumed to be a nod from the squad leader who just joined your small trio.  
   
“It’s not even three hours into training yet.” Ysavelle seconded, the girl’s bluish gray eyes meeting your well-spent form slouched beside her. “But then again…” The girl trailed off, causing you to exhale rather loudly as you knew what your best friend was going to say next. Thankfully for you, Ysavelle understood the latent meaning of your sigh and decided to just smile apologetically at you.  
   
You were pretty sure someone else in the group was going to speak up, preferably comment about you being stubborn and over working yourself, but a knock to the mess hall door silenced everyone inside it.  
   
“Excuse me, sir.” A woman muttered, causing you to lift your head from the table and look at the source of the voice, just in time to be met with a soft smile from the person who made her presence known with a couple taps on wood. She was simply dressed, and her hair was neatly tied around the back of her head in a tight bun.  
   
“Ah, what is it?” Hanji asked with her cheerful tone, the brunette woman then walking over to the person rooted by the door frame with a skip to her step.  
   
“It’s about the patient.” The woman responded, causing your ears to perk up. Erian and Ysavelle also followed your example, three sets of multicolored orbs then landing onto the two adults having a small conversation by the entrance of the Scouting Legion Headquarters’ dining area.  
   
Nervously, you peeled your eyes away from the two people on the other side of the room, your arms finally having rested a little bit, just enough for you to be able to move them freely and use your hands to grab that cup of water you forgot that you so desperately needed.  
   
Your ears were still trained onto the conversation of the squad leader and medic though, those hearing instruments straining themselves to pick up whatever audible word you could. Taking a gulp from the drink on your hands, you looked on both of your sides, seeing your two best friends still looking over to the two women by the door, hazel and blue-gray orbs showing a tint of worry in them as you guessed the two were also trying their best to snag snippets from the conversation happening just a few meters away.  
   
You three knew how bad eavesdropping was, more so with a conversation happening between adults. But the actions were understandable at the very least.  
   
You see, it has been a while, about four days to be exact, since Devan has been out of duty.  
   
It was an accident, like they said. But you felt like throwing up just thinking of the ‘what if’ scenario where the boy could be out of duty in a permanent sense.  
   
Shaking your head to rid of your thoughts, you hurriedly wiped at the tears protruding from the corners of your eyes, a hand rubbing comforting circles in your back as you took a shaky breath to try and think calmly.  
   
Four days ago, exactly on the two week mark since a certain brunette squad leader had granted you permission to train again, there was a fuss near the end of 3DMG training, concerning mostly members of the 105th.  
   
Everyone from your superiors, including those of the 104th, were doing other duties around the headquarters that day, so maneuver gear training by then was honestly unsupervised and composed of everyone on your training division who decided to join the Survey Corps.  
   
You were working well with your temporary squads, wooden titans being ‘killed’ as your small band of cadets scoured the forest for nearly half a day already. You knew lunch was about to happen soon as you swept down for another target, and when a green streak shot up to the pale blue horizon above, your squad had rounded up on the trunk of an old tree, words of encouragement and acknowledgement being exchanged before you all decided to head back to base for a much deserved lunch.  
   
On the way back to the forest opening however, your group passed by a rather crowded area, curiosity building up inside of you as your sights registered what seemed to be multiple squads collecting themselves at the foot of some lake. And for some reason, you decided to abandon your squad right then and there (not that it mattered since your squad decided to look into the situation as well), your tired form still managing to quickly maneuver past hurdles of perennial greenery before a harsh landing onto carpets of grass making the forest floor.  
   
Quickly doing a quick scan of the area, your sights landed onto an uprooted tree relatively near the spot your fellow cadets were huddled at, the top half of the tree seemingly submerged on the opening of the lake, the intimidating trunk of the said plant probably enough to reduce your rather modest home in Sina into a pile of rubble.  
   
“Squad 7…”  
   
Your ears automatically picked up the number repetitively being said by worried tones around you, your heart pounding violently against your chest as you bit your lip, trying to remember the members of the squad number this event appears to be connected to.  
   
You weren't able to fully think however, as a pair of hands turned you around, teary hazel eyes gripping your shoulders in a shaky but tight grip. Another girl, one of raven tresses, also registering in your sights, both girls looking extremely out of character and that’s when you felt your stomach dropping.  
   
It turns out that just a few minutes prior to the red flare gun being shot to signal the end of training, one of the squads, particularly the seventh, were just passing by the area when a tree gave way and started falling. Being that the seventh squad was literally passing through, one of the members was so closed to getting crushed if not for your beige haired best friend trying to pull the cadet out of the way.  
   
The rescue was successful, for the most part, but due to the rather harsh attempt of saving a life, it turns out Devan hastily maneuvered himself out of the situation and ended up landing on the lake abruptly after dropping his fellow squad member in the shrubbery beneath.  
   
And in a normal scenario, you wouldn't really need to worry much since you knew the beige haired boy could handle himself in water. But then again, that was in the middle of training, and no matter how good of a swimmer you are, with what felt like boulders on either side of your hips, you’re bound to keep sinking no matter how hard you try.  
   
Fear bubbled up inside of you, and halfway through Erian’s explanation, you just couldn't stand there anymore and harshly pushed your best friend away, your hands doing quick work to discard your gear and possible jump into the lake but Ysavelle stopped you from ridding you of the weights, the girl trying to calm you down by saying that some of the boys from the 105th already went after Devan.  
   
But the thing is, starting from the time where the unfortunate event occurred and your harsh landing, almost five minutes had passed and your mind wasn't exactly optimistic at the moment as it did nothing but flood your system with thoughts of possible worst-case scenarios.  
   
Everything went into full blown chaos after that, the superiors arriving after and issuing orders after some cadets did well rushing over to base to announce the event to the oblivious professionals, and someone actually was successful in retrieving your best friend from the depths of the lake, your best friend emerging with another cadet, the beige haired boy unconscious and bleeding profusely from a deep gash in an arm.  
   
Things happened in such a rush at the moment that you couldn't really comprehend the situation anymore. The bottom line of the matter though, was that in the end, your best friend is still alive and breathing. A few heartbeats, though weak and faint, did well to pull your mind back into the realm of sanity.  
   
“(F/n), Erian, Ysavelle.”  
   
Your reminiscing was brought to a stop, your eyes flickering over quickly to the brunette squad leader who was now alone by the doorway, her smile still evident on her face as she walked back to the table you and your friends were seated at.  
   
“His vitals are considerably stable.” Hanji said, flipping through a stapled set of papers before her that you were sure the woman from earlier, a medical aid no doubt, had given the squad leader. “There are breathing problems currently, but nothing that won’t be erased in a while… his meals though…” Hanji trailed off, a few moments of silence enveloping the room as the woman silently read through a report. “In a sense, he’s not eating at all.” The brunette squad leader concluded, causing Erian and you to look at each other.  
   
“I guess it’s understandable.” Hanji continued rambling on. “He almost drowned, died even.” You bit your lip at the woman’s words, causing Hanji to mumble out an apology before continuing.  “Though most of the lake water was flushed out of his system after the rescue, his stomach must be terribly upset at the moment.”  
   
“But it’s been four days…” Erian muttered worriedly. “He can’t even handle a glass of water now.”  
   
“At the current state, he can’t hold down anything you give him. Even medicine doesn't work.” Hanji sighed, recalling the fuss earlier in the morning when she came to do a quick check on Devan’s room. “He expels the medicine from his system before the effects take place.”  
   
You silently listened into the conversation, your eyebrows creased as you silently thought about the matter.  
   
It wasn't that your best friend was stubborn and refusing all the meals given his way. In fact, for the past four days, Devan would always eat or drink whatever meal ensembles his friends or the medics would give him. But the problem was just that his stomach can’t handle anything, even a glass of water or warm soup can’t last even just an hour long in his system before he’d have the great urge to grab a bucket and empty the contents of his stomach in it.  
   
You actually felt sorry for him, and though he joked about his condition a lot and tried to reassure you, Erian, and Ysavelle that he was fine, you knew for a fact that he wasn't okay and you hated that.  
   
“How about feeding him something he likes?” Your ears perked up at the suggestion, and you glanced to the girl with bluish gray eyes. Ysavelle was deep in thought, her brows also forming a crease as she had her arms crossed, one of the arms then propping itself up, allowing her to tap her bottom lip with the pad of an index finger habitually.  
   
“He can’t hold anything down though.” Erian muttered.  
   
“Ahh, but that might just work.” Hanji quipped. “Maybe if he’s given something he really likes, then he could keep it down, at least until the effects of the medicine kicks in.”  
   
“I don’t find drugged soup appetizing.” You mumbled, earning a chuckle from your three friends.  
   
“That settles it then.” Hanji said, crossing her arms as she grinned. “I was heading into the market today anyway since Erwin needed some reports mailed in. You girls can tag along.” Hanji paused from her sentence, the woman biting her lip for a moment before speaking again. “Ah, but there’s training, and shorty’s supervising today.” Hanji spoke in a defeated manner.  
   
“Erian and I can go back to train.” Ysavelle chirped. “Though maybe (F/n) can go with you instead, seeing as she literally matched what should have been a six hour training session into two hours.”  
   
“Plus, you should know what kind of soup Devan likes best since your mother was the initial creator.” Erian helpfully said.  
   
“About that training though, are you okay now (F/n)? Even I have to admit that was rather intense.” Hanji remarked worriedly, the woman then taking note of your slightly disheveled uniform and your still erratic breathing patterns.  
   
“I can walk.” You simply said, turning a little conscious as you cupped a side of your cheek where Hanji’s eyes were looking over to that small cut you acquired a couple minutes back.  
   
“Mmkay then.” Hanji hummed after a short while of silence. “(F/n), change your clothes, we’ll leave in twenty minutes. And good luck with training you two, also, tell (F/n)’s sparring partner he can take the rest of the day off as well.” Hanji smiled at your two best friends who gave a cheery salute to the squad leader before both girls dashed out of the mess hall and back onto the training grounds to resume training.  
   
Not wanting to waste any time as well, you gave your own salute to Hanji before excusing yourself to your room to freshen up and change out of your sweat slicked clothes.  
   
On the way to your designated room, you passed by Devan’s, and you took a moment to stand by the door, silently debating to yourself whether or not you should go pay him a small visit just to see if he’s doing fine. But then you remembered Hanji telling you that you needed to be ready in a couple minutes, and so you just gave a soft sigh, the soles of your boots creating soft thuds against the stone floors as you continued walking to your room.  
   
You were a mess these days, constantly getting angry for no reason, depressed most of the time, happy one minute and hitting rock bottom the next. Honestly, it scared you. How you always pushed yourself past your limits during training just so your mind wouldn't have to think about those ‘what if’ situations that have been constantly bugging you.  
   
And honestly, it scared them too.  
   
Your best friends knew what was going on with you, and most of your friends understood your reaction too. As for the higher-ups, though concerned about the constant strain you were subjecting yourself to, they were somewhat relieved you weren't slacking off, and if anything, your performance rates have gone up considerably well.  
   
There wasn't anything wrong with wanting to be stronger anyway, this world was lacking of such force from the human race. But that was just it. You were human. And as much as you trained yourself to exhaustion, the fact of the matter still stands that you can’t always keep tabs on everyone’s safety during expeditions and training.  
   
You balled your hands into fists, a small shaking racking your body as you gave a sigh.  
   
Distance wasn't really an issue, seeing as you literally couldn't save Blanche and the others when you were just a couple meters away from them and their deaths. You've lost so much already, and fuck it all because you didn't want to lose another one of your friends since you might just go on a rampage mid-expedition and start killing whatever comes your way.  
   
Safely making it into the confines of your room and ensuring your privacy by closing the wooden board, you discarded your military jacket from your body, the brown fabric being held tightly in your hands until you set it atop the surface of your clothes drawers. After a small stretch, you then began rummaging through the drawer compartments for something a little less damp.  
   
You were too tired to spend any more time trying to find something to wear, so you grabbed the first article of clothing your hands ever made contact to, which was a plain and simple, short-sleeved, olive green dress reaching just below your knees. You stared at the green bundle with furrowed eyebrows for a moment, before you threw the clean fabric onto your bed and sighed as you started to pop open the buttons of your white button-up shirt.  
   
The dress, a wonder you actually brought it back to base when you never really wore it except that one party at Stohess hosted by a good friend of your father’s just about two years ago. And even though you thought the simplicity was perfect on its own, you still got ridiculed by the rich for your rather plain choice of clothing.  
   
Aside from the usual loose fitting nightgowns you wore on a weekly rotation with your other sets of sleeping attires, you weren't exactly fond of dresses to be honest. But you do have to admit the military uniform was stuffy and wearing something that didn't feel constricting was a good refresher every once in a while.  
   
“(F/n), we’re going by carriage into the market, and maybe I can help you with paying for some of the stuff you need.” You heard Hanji call from outside the door, and instead of responding with a muffled answer, you walked over to the door of your room and opened it, revealing the squad leader looking nothing different, aside from the fact that she had a leather sling bag attached to her person and that she didn't wear the heat stroke inducing military jacket with her.  
   
“I haven’t worn this in a while, okay.” You muttered, seeing the amused look on the brunette woman’s face.  
   
“If they saw you like this…” Hanji hummed with a smile to her face, but her tone was rather quiet so you couldn't make much of what she said. “In any case, let’s get going, I’m assuming you’re ready?”  
   
You nodded at the woman’s last sentence, excusing yourself for a moment so you could slip on a pair of worn out, black flats in exchange for those knee-length leather boots that belonged to the standard military uniform.  
   
Hanji waited for you patiently, and when you reappeared by the door, the squad leader then grabbed your hand and pulled you out of your room. You were barely even able to close the door when you were pulled down the hallways and out of the castle, a sigh of relief escaping you as you realized wearing a light dress was a good idea because the heat possibly turned a notch more unbearable since the time Erian helped you onto your feet and dragged you back inside the mess hall.  
   
And speaking of the auburn haired girl, you saw her slouched, panting heavily, with Ysavelle sitting cross-legged on the ground next to the hazel eyed girl, the ravenette heaving for air as well. Both girls snapped at attention when they noticed a new presence in the training grounds, Erian’s tired face revealing a smile as she gave you a small wave.  
   
You met the wave of the auburn haired girl with a nod and a smile, your eyes travelling over the sea of cadets, only to stop by the sight of the members of the 104th who were quite possibly taking a break from training. Sasha gave you a smile, Krista doing the same action, with Mikasa just giving you a nod to acknowledge your existence. The boys of the same group were staring at you, silent, the evident blush on their cheeks hidden by the distance and the shadows that came from the thick branches and leaves they rested beneath of.  
   
You gave a smile back to the group, but your attention was quickly taken away from the group at the sound of a monotone voice.  
   
“Oi, Hanji.” You glanced beside you, taking in the form of the brunette squad leader and the lance corporal who just came over to you undetected while you were distracted by looking at your friends.  
   
Steely orbs caught sight of your form, you involuntarily stiffening up since glares from the lance corporal just had that natural effect of your and almost everyone else in the legion. You heard the squad leader before you chuckle, most likely due to sensing your abrupt reaction, before the woman then slung an arm across your shoulders.  
   
“Levi?” Hanji inquired in her usual cheery demeanor, earning the woman a click of the tongue.  
   
“What is the meaning of this?” Levi said.  
   
“Hmm? Doing my duties.” Hanji grinned, feigning innocence that did nothing but earn her another flinch worthy glare.  
   
Levi sighed, and you felt yourself panicking since you really wanted to go and help your bedridden best friend. Without thinking much of the consequences then, you then grasped one of the corporal’s hands, your clumsy limbs wrapping around it and giving it a squeeze, your (e/c) eyes holding an adequate amount of desperation in them.  
   
To say Levi was taken aback by your actions was probably the truth, a micro-expression of shock breaking his stoic facade before he regained his composure and sent a chilly stare over at the brunette woman laughing by your side.  
   
“S-sir, permission to leave base.” You asked, only then noticing what you did and you quickly let go of the man’s hand, offering a serious salute in response, though your face looked more like it was ready to start the waterworks if the man didn't agree to your little request.  
   
Not that Levi was going to deny you of that request either. Okay, yeah, maybe the ebony haired man was about to kick Hanji into the next year since you were basically still supposed to be training, and seeing the way the squad leader seemed to be in a hurry and constantly looking up at the windows lining the second floor of the castle, Levi was pretty sure Erwin wasn't informed about this.  
   
True, the commander did assign the bespectacled woman to go out and mail some reports, but then the blond man definitely didn’t know about a certain (h/c) girl tagging along with the brunette squad leader. The lance corporal also knew for a fact that Erwin was you guardian, and something told Levi that Erwin wasn't going to like having you go out of base when there’s a damned murderer literally trying to follow your tail.  
   
But then you just had to stare at him with those sparkling (e/c) hues, your lips pursed, trying so hard to keep calm and to be honest the lance corporal found that rather adorable.  
   
Bringing a hand up to level with his face, Levi then rubbed the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb, a sigh leaving him as he tried hard to block the chortles of the woman standing at a good strangling distance away from him. “Shitty glasses, a word.” Levi spat darkly, causing you to take a gulp as Hanji was taken away from your side into a safe distance away that was out of your earshot.  
   
“Erwin is not going to like this.” Levi muttered in annoyance, causing Hanji to wave her hands back and forth in a dismissive manner.  
   
“We’ll be back in less than an hour. Before lunch, even.” Hanji quipped. “(F/n) is pretty worried about Devan, it was a close call after all, and the boy isn't even eating which makes his condition worse.”  
   
“Tch, so it’s that brat.” Levi said.  
   
“Jealous?” Hanji tried to stifle a laugh, of course the attempt failing miserably.  
   
“Far from it.” Levi sighed. “Just don’t fucking run off on your own and leave the girl unattended, she obviously is still foreign to this side of the wall.”  
   
“Will do.” Hanji grinned, giving an enthusiastic pat to the stoic man’s shoulder and retracting her hand before the man even had the chance to slap it away.  
   
The brunette squad leader then walked towards you, a small conversation issuing between you two before Hanji grabbed your wrist and dragged you off onto the back of the base where a small carriage was waiting.  
   
You were on the way to the market place in record time, arriving no less than fifteen minutes as well. The carriage took many turns on the way to the market place, Hanji then paying the driver of the carriage before taking you by the hand and together you both delved into the lively streets strewn with civilians and a chorus of chatter coming from a variety of sources.  
   
You were feeling a little overwhelmed, this being the actual first time you've been to the market since you never really were one to go out at Stohess aside from the bakery and to house visits, the latter most likely a visit to that basement home of Devan and Erian.  
   
And for the bakery visits too, that was cut short as well, since the last time you ever came to one of the local bread shops in Sina ended in a rather traumatic event concerning a cage, rusted blades, and a certain nut job. Now that you thought about it, you mother never really knew how to bake the soft treats, the woman only taking up the act and trying to learn from a friend ever since she got you back after a span of two years.  
   
After all, why buy things when you already know how to make them, right?  
   
Hanji and you stopped by a modest stall showing trinkets rather than the usual food stuffs the market was abundant of. A middle aged man clad in a collared shirt was handling the stall, his arms crossed against his chest and not looking exactly customer friendly at the moment as the brunette woman before you scanned a display of pocket knives on a table.  
   
Thinking about knives, you forgot to bring your own one for protection, but then again you didn't need it since you weren't going to last long in this place and you have one of the professional soldiers of the Scouting Legion acting as your companion. Hanji was just going to send some letter, and you two were just going to buy some of the ingredients for this soup you hoped will help Devan with his stomach troubles.  
   
It was simple really, a few vegetables, and meat, maybe chicken instead. Honestly, you could take anything since your mother liked to experiment on her meals and each one turned out as filling as the one before it. Your cooking skills were imperfect though, but seeing as you've been watching your mother cook for a long time, you were sure you can at least replicate her actions.  
   
The taste, well, you’ll think about it when you get to that part.  
   
“(F/n), what do you think about this.” Hanji muttered, showing you a sharp-edged weapon that looked light and easily breakable. Not that you would say that in front of the shop vendor himself though. “Like if you get stuck in vines or something.”  
   
“I think something like that would be better for vines.” You said, pointing over to another knife in the collection.  
   
Hanji nodded, the woman now asking for the price as you tapped your feet out of habit.  
   
Your eyes wandered off into the nearby stall boasting fresh meat, your hands clutching this little pouch you kept, the small leather pouch containing whatever money you had left that your parents had given you in cases of emergency.  
   
You sights caught sight of a small sack of potatoes, your eyes lighting up as you remembered Sasha’s rather eccentric attitude towards the starchy vegetable. It didn't take much to know Hanji basically sneaked you out of base without Erwin’s knowledge, what surprised you honestly, was how you were even able to get past the corporal.  
   
You decided that aside from Devan, maybe you can try making a replica of your mother’s soup, enough to distribute to all of your friends. You were a little low on budget though, so as much as you’d like to include everyone in the faction in your little soup experiment, you’d have to limit it to giving the hopefully edible concoction to a particular group of people instead.  
   
“Ah, Squad Leader Hanji, about the payment…” You trailed off, finally peeling your sights away from the meat stall in order to look beside you. “I have enough…” (E/c) hues landed on the view of the long stretch of street, you heart just then breaking out into a violent thumping manner.  
   
Fuck.  
   
Where in the world was Hanji?


	31. The Best Way To Home

“Um… excuse me, how much would this cost?”

   
You tapped your feet impatiently on the rough dry ground of the market place, your arms crossed, hands clenched into fists at the ends, and a vein was literally about to pop in your system which wouldn't be a good thing at all.  
   
You get it.  
   
Chatter was a lovely thing, indeed. No qualms about that. Little talks could do a lot for people after all, like maintain relationships, create new ones too maybe, and also break some. In any case, in this wretched world, one of the things that can help people grounded and sane was have someone there to talk to. Being in the military too, you've learned to cherish the simplest of greetings you’d get as you pass by people you weren't even that close to in the hallways.  
   
But then when you've been standing in front of a stall for about fifteen minutes already, waiting for the shop owner to just look your way once instead of exchanging words with some friends in the back. Chatter could possibly be pushed away for a little while, right?  
   
At least after you've paid for whatever you wanted to.  
   
“Excuse me.” You repeated for the umpteenth time, teeth clenched at the end of your sentence as you sighed.  
   
You were standing in front of a stall selling practically the most variety of vegetables, fruits, and meat. It seemed like the items here were fresh too, and since you weren't one for hopping around stalls to finish the list of things you needed to buy, you opted for just buying everything on one stall then get back home.  
   
Home in this sense, meaning the Survey Corps HQ. Of which you had no idea how to get back to.  
   
You were still lost, for an hour now actually, making your blood boil in anxiety and annoyance. Anxiety, since you remember a certain brunette woman promising the lance corporal you both weren't going to be out for an hour and not anything more than that, and you had no idea what might happen to you and the squad leader once you get back to base. Annoyance, because you had no idea where you were exactly, except the fact you were in Wall Rose, and the supposedly ‘quick’ trip to the market is considerably getting extended much to your dismay.  
   
When you first realized the brunette squad leader had left your side without you knowing about it, you couldn't deny the rush of panic that went through you. It was predictable honestly, as it was Hanji after all. You should have prepared yourself better because this was bound to happen.  
   
“Haha, yeah, those kids really…”  
   
You suppressed another sigh, your (e/c) hues hidden underneath your eyelids, a crease forming by your forehead and there was a frown itching to break across your face.  
   
When the brunette squad leader left you by that small stall of weaponry a while back, you asked the shop vendor with a calm facade as to where your companion had run off to. Despite the monotone you had in your voice though, it was probably apparent still, that you were panicked, seeing that as soon as you were pointed to a general direction leading you deeper into the marketplace, you sped off right away.  
   
It was a bad decision however, as it was not in your calculations that these particular markets in Rose were bigger than those in Sina by a long shot. And since you just delved deeper into the place without ever looking back, when you paused your running around to catch your breath, you found yourself more lost than before.  
   
Nevertheless, deciding to distract yourself from the feeling of fear and intimidation from being at a foreign location, you decided to at least do what you came in here for in the first place. Which brought you to looking through stalls, finding items you would need, consequently then leading you to your current situation that you swear will cause that last string of patience you had to snap in the most violent of manners in a few short moments.  
   
“Excuse me.” You muttered, voice dripping with murder intent.  
   
“Oi, I think the lady over there wants something.” You heard a person from the neighboring stall shout, causing you to nod a ‘thank you’ to the man as finally, the person handling the stall you were standing by had stopped talking to his friend and was making his way over to you at the front.  
   
“Sorry about that.” The man said, an apologetic smile plastered on his face that caused you to sigh.  
   
“It was nothing.” You lied, well, half-lied.  
   
Being born into a world cursed with large cannibalistic creatures, it wasn’t a rarity for you to dislike things, hate things even. And because of some deranged past event you had the honor of being dragged into, it was understandable that you had at least a couple dozen things you’d hate to see and experience again, more than what an average civilian living in the walls would have.  
   
You were a mess of feelings honestly, and a tad too sensitive if you had to say so yourself. It was easy to anger you, even more so to pain you, but it was equally as easy to earn your forgiveness as well. Of course, unless were talking about one of those damned titans or a certain crazed lunatic psycho, then forgiveness was not going to happen even in a microsecond.  
   
“So, what would you want miss?” The man before you asks, you two separated by a wooden table laden with colorful paraphernalia otherwise called possible food.  
   
“How much would this lot be?” You pointed to a small basket of assorted vegetables, a look of determination in your face as you were sure this particular basket had almost everything you would need for the commencement of replicating one of your mother’s popular dinner articles.  
   
The man behind the stall looked at you suspiciously, probably discerning if you actually had the money to pay for what you wanted. And well, it was why you asked in the first place after all. You expected the basket of items to be pricey in the very least, but you had an adequate amount of money as well.  
   
You guessed that to people who don’t really know you came from the inner wall, Sina, you’d look like a girl with barely enough money to get by. An average civilian at the most, of which everyone knows, is prone to the extortion of taxes by the capital due to greed. But to people who did know of your familial background, it wasn't that shocking really, after all, you have one of the military factions’ most trusted merchant as a loving father.  
   
“I have enough, probably.” You mustered quickly and in a shushed manner. “Oh, and this too.” You mumbled, pointing to a nice slab of beef a few inches away from you.  
   
Honestly, you just want to get things over with so you can get yourself back to base before you can incur the wrath of the commander and the lance corporal. Though, assuming the brunette squad leader might have gone back to base sometime ago to report about the consequences of her lackluster responsibility skills, maybe the usually stoic and rather calm pair of authority figures have already busted a pipe and is getting ready to throw Hanji out of the walls.  
   
Not that the two high officials of the Survey Corps would do that, and besides, knowing the squad leader, Hanji might just be frantically running around trying to look for you just as you have done the past hour. It’s just that maybe fate has decided to be a douchebag today and not let you and the russet orbed woman cross paths.  
   
“You’re not from these parts are you?”  
   
You stiffened up at the words from the person talking to you, and involuntarily taking a gulp, you looked up to meet dark brown orbs with your own (e/c) hues. “I am from the military.” You simply muttered, quite unused to the question you found rather invasive of your privacy.  
   
“Ah, that explains it.” The man said. “Sorry if that made you uncomfortable.” He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly as you nodded.  
   
“That’s okay.” You said.  
   
Now that you looked up at the guy and were able to properly study his features, he seemed a little older than you, maybe by a year or two at most, which explains his clumsy and rather lacking handling of the market stall he was managing. You blinked a little, recalling a stall your father handled back at a small market in Sina, and you thought maybe this might have been your kind of future too should you have chosen not to take part in militaristic affairs.  
   
“Anyway, this should all amount to…” The person before you trailed off, the boy racking his brain for the information needed while you busied yourself in taking out the small leather pouch you brought, said item then resting snugly inside a hidden pocket your mother had sewn onto your current attire years ago.  
   
Once you heard the price, you felt yourself relaxing since unlike the other stalls, it seems for this particular one, you were actually buying food and not pieces of the most extravagant edible jewelries. Hurriedly, you brought out the exact amount and passed it over to the boy with black tresses looking over to you in an expectant manner.  
   
“Let me go package these up for you.” The boy said, taking the small basket of vegetables and transferring it to a paper bag before walking over to the meat product you pointed to and proceeded to place that in some kind of plastic wrapping.  
   
“Thanks.” You said as soon as the now packaged items were handed to you, a smile in your face as the person before you grinned back.  
   
“I should be the one thanking you.” The boy said. “Have a great day miss.”  
   
“Likewise.” You muttered, and then you dived into the crowded streets again, now happy you've done what you actually came here for.  
   
There was a lot on your mind today, and each was fighting for dominance over your thoughts as you walked past populated streets in hopes of finding the entrance to the market where you could best hire a cart or carriage to take you back to base.  
   
You had a best friend that was bedridden and completely feeble at the moment, training you still have a lot to catch up on, slice techniques to once again polish and perfect, a letter from your parents you have yet to write a reply to, a murderer intent on well, murdering you, and to top this lovely cake of troublesome things off, the icing on the top would probably be that you were lost, like a little child going about in circles, your legs now hurting from the endless walking.  
   
You missed lunch already, and not being able to handle the grumblings of your stomach, you paused your walking when you reached a fruit stall, a kind lady then presenting you with their best selling item of freshly picked apples that you thankfully bought about three pieces of as a snack before you went back to looking for a brunette woman whom you so desperately wished was still here.  
   
After another while or so of being pushed around by a sea of ignorant civilians, you decided you've been gone for quite a long time, the sun proudly rising in the distance, matched with the gradients of deep oranges and light purples giving you the idea that evening was fast approaching and you sure as heck didn’t want to be out here when night fell.  
   
“Dammit Hanji when I see you…”  
   
You grumbled for the third time that day, taking a harsh bite of the red fruit you bought a while back, one hand holding the apple enough to crush the fruit to bits, while your other hand was part of the arm supporting the small brown paper back of items you bought an hour or so ago, the brown container pressed by your waist as you cradled it.  
   
“Stupid glass—”  
   
Before you could finish your sentence however, you felt something rush past you, knocking you down in the process, your arm getting scathed by a rough rock on the ground that resulted in a painful gash.  
   
Groaning, you pushed some (h/c) strands away from your face, your face burning as you felt people’s stares on you as you began to pick up some of the items that spilled from your paper bag when you fell harshly. You muttered curses under your breath, just thankful people were mindful enough to not laugh at your dismay or ruin the things you bought by ignorantly stepping on them as the civilians went about their business.  
   
When you picked up all the items and was able to stand up again, you sighed, your (e/c) hues inspecting the small gash in your arm which wasn't too bad at all. You brought your hand to your side, patting the hem of your dress when you stopped, your eye twitching in annoyance as you felt something, which was ironically nothing at all.  
   
Yes, nothing.  
   
Your small coin pouch was gone.  
   
“That shit…” You grumbled, a hand running through your tousled (h/c) locks, darkened (e/c) orbs brimming with annoyance as you planted your feet firmly in the ground before breaking into a chase to find that little bastard who had the gall to snatch something important from you.  
   
That small pouch contained not only your to-be emergency expenses, but it also contained money you could use as a fare for a ride back to the Survey Corps base, plus a good amount of effort you mother and father had done to actually get those metallic circles of currency.  
   
Life was hard inside the walls, and that was a fact you knew all too well. But then again, even if you knew and understood very well why people were driven to commit such unlawful acts, you still couldn't let it slide. All you just wanted today was to cook Devan a damned meal he can actually stomach for once.  
   
Was that too much to ask?  
   
You wanted to do just one simple thing. Not a horde of other things that made your blood boil in a mix of emotions.  
   
But first things first, find that kid and negotiate with the brat or something.  
   
You ran past alleyways, your neck hurting from you whipping your head all around when you think you've caught a glimpse of the little kid you were searching for. It happened fast, and you concluded maybe the kid had experience in this kind of field, seeing as you were perfectly sure the hidden pocket in your dress was hard to see, unless maybe you had an eye trained for those kinds of things.  
   
All you remember were messy locks of the darkest shade of brown you’ve ever seen, a height reaching just a little above your waist, and what seemed to be a rough and tattered cardigan the shade of pale and dirtied yellow. A girl possibly, with the way the steps were more lithe and agile, and it was only for a small while, but you felt delicate and slender hands brush by your side.  
   
After you've been walking for a while now, you nearly lost all hope, ready to walk days if you had to just to get back to base, but then you caught a glimpse of it. A small figure stood by the entrance of a distant alleyway, dulled brown eyes looking at some of the Garrison soldiers patrolling around farther away, about a couple dozen meters away at least.

   
Heaving a sigh, you figured the kid was known around these parts since she wouldn't exactly be hiding if she wasn't marked by patrolling soldiers. You guessed the child wasn't a part of the underground city as well, because Sina was particularly tight on allowing people inside and outside its walls, the less than lenient change brought about by a horrific event that transpired about seven years back.

   
Slowly, and as casually as you could, you walked towards the child, your steps silent, or maybe it appeared to be because the masses were just too loud with their talks.  
   
But being trained with the harshness of reality, the child still sensed your presence, her dark brown orbs flitting towards your steadily advancing form. You trained your (e/c) hues on the little child, a look of desperation clearly etched in your face as you just wanted to get back to your humble castle room, and to do that, you needed even just a small amount of your money back.  
   
You sensed the little girl’s fear, and you gulped, trying to look as casual and less intimidating as you could.  
   
It was true that you were in the sourest of moods due to this hectic day that was supposed to be calm had a brunette woman not left you alone in the damned middle of a place you didn’t know your way around. It was just one task. One simplistic task you wanted and had to do.  
   
Not only is Devan most likely starving to death this very second for food you planned to give him one hour ago, but your legs were sore from running around as well, and your arms have begun cramping due to the not so comfortable weight of the things you bought earlier. You were a disheveled mess, and you probably looked like one too, since you didn’t bother to fix yourself properly after you fell a while ago.  
   
This day was definitely far from a personal favorite of yours, but as you look at the little girl standing just a few meters away, you didn’t know why but you couldn't bring yourself to genuinely hate her.  
   
It reminded you of that time you guessed. The time when you first met Devan and Erian several years back. Just like you and your tight relations to the murders in Sina, Devan and Erian’s past endeavors before you met them was a taboo subject. The two weren't exactly closed about that matter though, and maybe they could tell a story or two depending on who the audience is.  
   
But out of respect for the auburn and beige haired cadets, you never really asked about their life, well the part of their life that spanned from the period of the breach of Wall Maria up to that coincidental encounter you had with them one time when you were strolling around Stohess’ markets with your mother.  
   
You and Ysavelle always noticed it though, the fact that Erian and Devan’s hand-to-hand combat training and 3DMG maneuver skills show implements of their stealth filled pasts.  
   
“I saw her head this way.”  
   
Your head snapped up at the sound of the words, your eyes widening when you realized that the sentence was spewed from the patrolling soldiers getting nearer to the alley where you saw the little girl in. You felt your hands grip the paper bag in your hands tightly, your eyebrows furrowing as you realized the rather uneven steps the Garrison soldiers were taking.  
   
Were they drunk?  
   
You took a gulp of air, your eyebrows furrowed in disappointment since you thought these soldiers have changed since the breach of Wall Maria about seven or so years ago. You weren't one to judge the whole of the Garrison because of two of its members though. You were sure everyone else learned not to take for granted what they have due to the recent knowledge that the walls can’t protect us in the presence of the Colossal an Armored titans.  
   
You guessed some people just don’t really know how to change.  
   
The patrolling soldiers were still a distance away from you, and between you and them, you were nearest to the alleyway you had your sights on, so without thinking much about the consequences, you walked as casually as you can until you disappeared into the alleyway, a set of scared brown eyes looking up at you, the person’s small hands enclosed in a bag made of stained cloth.  
   
“I’m not going to hurt you.” You muttered in a low tone, and your hand that wasn't occupied with your purchased goods, was waving itself back and forth in an attempt to prove to the child before you that you could be trusted.  
   
You gave a little smile, but that little act earned you nothing but the child just backing away further in fear.  
   
“I promise I’m not going to hurt you.” You said, and you adjusted the paper bag on your arms for a more comfortable hold.  
   
“Y-you just want your money back!” The child shouted and your eyes widened before you quickly looked behind you in panic. You scanned the streets outside the alleyway, the patrolling soldiers looking a little too irritable as they were being stalled by a civilian asking about a particular shop in the district. “W-well what do you know?! I—”  
   
You saw the soldiers push past the civilian, one of them pointing over to the alleyway that you quickly backed into, your hand quickly slapping itself over the bottom half of the child’s face.  
   
“We’ll talk later.” You said in a hushed manner, your eyes giving one last look to the opening of the alleyway before you grabbed the child’s hand and sprinted further into the alleyway, thankful that the small path branched out to several more alleys, making it easier for you to hide from, and lose the soldiers who seemed to be trailing you a good distance away.  
   
You just ran without much of a sense in direction, your feet stepping on over a dozen puddles of contaminated water as you tightly held both a small hand and your bag of items. Occasionally you would look back to see if you were still being followed, and if you could see even just a glimpse of the military uniform you’d try to run faster.  
   
Of course, being that you were running with a child, you took into consideration the difference in speeds between you, a trained military soldier, and a child of what, seven years of age? And so, from time to time, as you weaved through the network of narrow passages, you would look beside you to check up on the girl silently running with you, your eyes registering mostly the bouncing of dark brown locks and brown eyes sparked with fear.  
   
You had no idea how long you have been running, nor did you know what awaited you after your series of erratic turns. It could be a dead end, or maybe you could be led to a different street, honestly, you didn’t know. You’ll think about things as they go, but right now you wanted to rid yourself of the pestering footsteps echoing behind you.  
   
After about a few more turns, you stopped. Only then realizing you accomplished not only getting away from the patrolling soldiers and saving the girl, but also possibly crushing your bought items with your tight grip and also becoming more lost since you had no idea how to get out, or even when to get out since the Garrison soldiers might still be lurking about.  
   
You reached a dead end too.  
   
“Ahh, I’m so sorry.” You muttered, panic laced in your words as you kept scanning around you for possible escape routes.  
   
You felt a tug at the hem of your dress, and you looked down, seeing a pair of dark brown eyes staring at you.  
   
“Follow me.” She muttered softly, her voice small but clear.  
   
With a nod, this time, the little girl was the one who led you past the web of paths, the two of you now taking what was a leisurely stroll compared to the panicked running you both were doing earlier. You were silent, watching the girl as she walked, and because the child seemed to effortlessly find her way through these narrow spaces, you concluded that the girl has indeed familiarized herself with the place.  
   
Pretty soon, you two emerged on a less crowded street, the hazy purple hues across the wide spread of sky above making you bite your bottom lip as evening was fast approaching and you still hadn't reunited with Hanji.  
   
You felt a shift in position beside you, and quickly, you stopped thinking about your troubles as you stared the little girl standing by your side. Blinking, you thought for a moment, and then you reached inside the bag in your arms to retrieve a crisp, red apple, whose skin is a little bit matted with small particles of dirt due to the fact that it was one of the things that fell from the paper bag when you bumped with this little girl.  
   
You set the items you bought down, and then you wiped the fruit cautiously on the cloth by your stomach. You could always wash the dress later after all.  
   
“Here.” You said with a smile, passing the now presentable fruit over to the child standing by you with slight curiosity. Little hands encased the red ball of food as you heaved a sigh, and that’s when you felt a weight pressing by your thigh, the little girl was staring on the ground by then, and on one hand she was holding your coin pouch and ushering you to take it back.  
   
You glanced at her form for a bit more, and then you directed your sights to your surroundings, a sigh leaving you again as you knelt down and used a hand to ruffle those sticky locks of dark brown.  
   
“I just need enough for a ride back home.” You muttered.  
   
The little girl shook her head, and you just smiled further.  
   
“Your family needs that right?”  
   
The little girl shook her head again, this time a bit reluctantly, one hand of hers pressing the fruit you just gave her to her chest, and her other hand was further pushing your leather pouch against your thigh. The slight shift in her actions was caught by your eyes though. And you found yourself smiling.  
   
“I’m from the military. I don’t really need much.” You said, your words successful in making the girl eye you up. Confusion was clear in her features, and you only smiled in response. “I’m Cadet (F/n) (L/n) from the Scouting Legion.”  
   
The girl’s eyes lit up, and you saw admiration held in those colored orbs. A pang of guilt stabbed your heart over and over at that point, because your memories from the most recent expedition about two months ago replayed in your head. There were a lot of casualties, the death rates a lot more. Was there really anything the Scouting Legion could do to free humanity from the confines the walls held?  
   
“We’re not that great.” You found yourself saying, the hint of sadness in your voice was probably obvious, seeing as the girl that stood before you was now looking at you as if you just stepped all over her dreams. “I mean… I don’t know, people die a lot over there.” You said, your hand threatening to slap you across the face at your measly attempt of defending yourself.  
   
It was silent for a while, the little girl looking down to the fruit in her hands before she glanced back up at you.  
   
“But you guys try, right?”  
   
“What?” You said confusedly.  
   
“I want to see the world outside too.” The girl muttered shyly, and you found yourself giving her a look of admiration.  
   
“Then I’ll see you in the near future, cadet.”  
   
You muttered in a playful tone, the girl looking up at you with determination in her dark brown orbs. You wouldn’t really know honestly, and this little girl still had a ways to go before hitting the age requirement for military training applications. But who knows, one day you might see her again, though at that time, you wished it would be when the titans have been wiped out of this world.  
   
“It’s getting late…” You then said as you glanced up at the sky that was now falling to the start of what could be a deep navy hue. “You should probably head home. I can see you off.” You muttered to the girl as you bent down and grabbed your paper bag of Devan’s much delayed lunch. “The streets are dangerous at night.”  
   
The little girl eyed you for a moment, and then she took the hand you offered, the two of you walking across the now dimming streets until you reached a fairly modest house. The place was smaller than the neighboring homes, and looked a little battered too, and you found yourself giving the girl a pat to her head as you stood by the doorway of her home.  
   
“Umm… I guess this is it then.” You said, letting go of the girl’s hand and giving her a slight push to usher her inside her home.  
   
At a last attempt, she shoved your leather pouch back, and in retaliation, you just grabbed it and placed it back on those little dirt strewn hands.  
   
“I’m okay.” You muttered. And you began to walk away before the girl could do anything back.  
   
“Take care miss!” You heard the girl shout, and you looked back, waving your hand high up, a smile strewn across your face as you shouted a goodbye back before you began walking aimlessly again, your palms sweaty as anxiety racked your entire being.  
   
Maybe you should have asked that little girl for directions you thought, but now it was too late and you don’t even remember clearly the girl’s house. You weren't even sure if you could retrace your steps back, but a wave of relief dawned on you when you recognized that you were back at the marketplace. It wasn't exactly familiar, and the marketplace here in Rose was indeed large. But at least this was a start.  
   
You don’t know how long you were walking, minutes hopefully, but you were starting to shake due to both the cold winds and the fear of being in a place you've only been in for the first time.  
   
As you passed by another alleyway, you sighed. But then someone grabbed you by the shoulders, a hand covering your mouth and out of sheer instinct you bit the hand of the person, and when you heard a groan from behind you, you quickly struggled out of this stranger’s grasp. With your eyes closed, you delivered a hard kick to a place where you knew would hurt.  
   
Your mind replaying nothing but Erian’s childish but rather effective way to get rid of a captor until you heard a cuss word being spewed by a form on your feet.  
   
“R-Reiner?” You muttered in surprise. “What th—”  
   
“What the fuck Reiner, we said go get her, not fucking try to kidnap her!” A voice cut your sentence, and you looked to the side to see Connie.  
   
You raised your eyebrow for a bit, your eyes then landing onto a group of boys still clad in military uniforms from the Scouting Legion. The boys of the 104th were standing before you, and you were staring at them with slight curiosity before another cuss word was heard from the ground and you stared at Reiner in a panic.  
   
“I’m sorry I—”  
   
“Heh, serves you right.” You heart Jean snicker, and you mentally rolled your eyes as you glared at the boy with the ashen brown mop.  
   
But then before you could do anything else, you were enveloped in a tight hug, a small grunt leaving your lips as you concluded that yes, the things you bought should be a pile of mush right now if this person doesn't let you go soon.  
   
“I fucking hate you right now (F/n).”  
   
You heard a familiar voice, one flooded in worry above all things, but there was a hint of coarseness too, probably due to the fact that this guy was supposed to be in bed and not out in the cold streets at the moment. You blinked for a short while, a sea of beige registering at your sights as you felt someone’s forehead rest on your shoulder.  
   
“Dev?” You asked, your eyebrows furrowing as you pulled away from your friend, a fit of worry overcoming you when you saw he was clad in what could be considered his night clothes and it was really cold outside.  
   
“Shut up. I hate you.”  
   
“You’re supposed to be in bed.”  
   
“Erian won’t shut up.”  
   
Devan peeled himself away from you by then, his brown eyes glazed from the terrible cold he still has running in his system, and he grabs the things you were holding despite your protests. You were too busy trying to grab the paper bag away from your best friend to realize a set of orbs looking at you two. Both you and Devan bickering as you walked home.  
   
“They’re only best friends right?” Eren said, his turquoise orbs pasted on your form as you smacked your best friend in the head and quickly apologized since you forgot he was sick for a moment then.  
   
The rest of the boys stared at your retreating form, well, save for Reiner who was still on the ground.  
   
“Oi, are you guys just going to stand there?” You called in the distance, Bertholdt just done trying to help Reiner stand up as Devan looked back at them with his usual smirk in his face.  
   
It didn’t take long before the boys of the 104th caught up with you and your best friend, your small group walking past the streets as you were led home. To be honest, you lost count of all the apologies that spilled from your mouth, those words meant for Reiner who still had an odd quirk in his steps but he kept waving your apologies off and kept saying you were fine.  
   
As you saw the familiar castle in the distance, you couldn't contain your relief as you now had a bounce in your step. The boys surrounding you, except your best friend, were smiling at your childish antics before you stopped in your tracks and glanced back at them, your (e/c) hues filled with worry and curiosity.  
   
“Oh, yeah… where’s Squad Leader Hanji?”  
   
Devan just turned your head back to the road, the boys giving you a collective answer as you continued on the starlit path before you.  
   
“It’s better if you don’t know.”


	32. The 64th Expedition: Remembering The Fallen

You concentrated on the black hose by your hands, your eyebrows furrowing as you concentrated on the sound of liquid sloshing around in a muffled manner. You, and everyone else around you, were currently refilling your maneuver gear’s gas tanks, your surroundings filled with a dreadful ambiance hidden beneath a mask of lively chatter and stiff jokes.  
   
A loud clatter echoed through the walls of the cramped space you were in, which in all honesty wasn’t cramped at all but you were feeling stuffy, as if the walls were caving in. A momentary silence filled the room before everyone returned to their little conversations, and you, already distracted by the sound, decided to look over to the source of the loud clatter, your eyes flitting through different shades until you were met with a mop of raven sitting on the other side of the room.  
   
A cadet has just dropped his gas tank and was now scrambling across the ground to reach the cylinder rolling away from his reach, cuss words leaving the boy’s lips as you stared passively.  
   
A form stood from his sitting position beside you, a boy of beige hair then stopping the cylinder rolling your direction with his boot before picking up the container with a sigh and returning the item to the owner. At this moment, you returned your attention to the task at hand, your (e/c) pools regaining the scenery of the metal container held snug in your lap, your ears pounding with the chorus of voices exploding in various points around you.  
   
You were too concentrated at the task at hand, yet at the same time you were distracted.  
   
It was only when a light squeeze was given on your shoulder that you regained whatever sense of composure you had. In a swift movement, your hands quickly got rid of the hose attached to your gas tank, some liquid spilling off of the metal compartment as you literally filled it to the brim due to your mind momentarily visiting another area in an act otherwise known as daydreaming.  
   
Or maybe it was wishful thinking, you couldn’t exactly tell, seeing as your mind was currently a mess of jumbled things, your face contorting into one that mirrored distress as you closed off your gas tan and set it aside with the other one you filled minutes prior.  
   
“(F/n).”  
   
Your head snapped up to the sound of a woman’s voice, a silence erupting in the room you were in, one that made you uncomfortable as your (e/c) hues frantically began searching for the owner of the voice, your search coming to an abrupt stop as your sights landed onto tufts of brown tied in a messy ponytail.  
   
“Are you finished?”  
   
You blinked for a moment, staring at the squad leader standing by the doorway of this place, and then you dragged your sights until you reached your newly refilled 3DMG gas tanks standing in a perpendicular position beside you, your (e/c) hues then resting on the cylinders before you looked back onto the squad leader and you gave a nod in response to her earlier question.  
   
“A word, please.” Hanji said, in her usual cheery kind of tone, though of course it was dampened a bit. For what reason though, it was hard for you to tell at the moment.  
   
“I’ll be back for my gear…” You murmured to your best friend who was sitting beside you, Ysavelle just giving you a worried smile and a nod as you stood up slowly and patted a spot on your thighs to get rid of nonexistent dirt before you went to your superior standing by the doorway, each footstep you made seemingly a countdown. A countdown for what though? Again, you don’t know.  
   
When you reached Hanji’s spot, the woman gave you a reassuring smile before gesturing for you to follow her. You ended up by the stables a short two minutes later, and you found yourself staring at the people heaving cargo onto wooden carts, your breath then catching itself in your throat as you continued your observation. You were so into this little studying that your mind became quite oblivious to the stares of the brunette superior beside you, of course, it only lasted so long until Hanji decided to snap you out of your trance with a light squeeze to your shoulder.  
   
“Sir.” You stiffened up, earning yourself a worried smile from the woman standing by you.  
   
“We’re just waiting for Erwin.” Hanji muttered. “There is something we need to discuss about.”  
   
“Yes, sir.” You responded almost immediately.  
   
Hanji glanced to a short distance away for a moment, and when you followed the direction her brown orbs were plastered to, you saw the commander of the Scouting Legion flipping through a clip board, the blond man then talking to another superior in the faction, and though you couldn’t exactly hear what the two men were talking about due to the loud clamor around you, you could make a confident guess that the topic being discussed was about double checking the supplies and cargo contents.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji…” You then said, your voice nothing more than a whisper. But of course for whatever reason, the brunette woman standing next to you heard you loud and clear.  
   
“Hmm?” Hanji hummed, a smile on her lips as you took a gulp of air.  
   
“Sometimes, I think about the ‘what if’ questions.” You said, your (e/c) orbs still looking over to the commander, whom at the moment, you concluded would take a while before the man would come to you and Hanji and tell you about this imminent ‘discussion’ you needed to attend to.  
   
“What if?” Hanji responded, her dark brown hues looking over to you who held a face of unreadable emotions.  
   
You then took a deep breath, your eyes momentarily closing themselves before you opened them again, your lips reduced to a tight line before you opened your mouth to speak. “What if I joined the Military Police? What if I joined the Garrison? What if I didn’t join the military in the first place, or failed graduation?”  
   
Hanji furrowed her eyebrows as your words, but before she could offer words to soothe you, you continued on.  
   
“What if Blanche and Gareth didn’t die? What if I died instead? What if I didn’t make it back to the walls when I was left outside the previous expedition? What if… what if I didn’t survive the massacre at Sina? What if humanity really is destined to fall and we’re just fighting a battle that we already lost long ago?”  
   
You began to grip the straps that hung to your thighs by then, your body slightly shaking with all your suppressed emotions.  
   
It was funny when you thought about it, how things change so drastically in a short amount of time with a small announcement.  
   
Just about two weeks ago, your only problem was that you got lost in some marketplace a little ways away from the Survey Corps headquarters, courtesy of the brunette squad leader standing right by you now. And at the time you were flooded with irritation and anger at being lost for hours, relief coming along to you only when you were retrieved by members of the 104th and Devan.  
   
It turns out that on that day, Hanji left an hour after losing you in that dizzying sea of merchants and consumers, the woman wasting no time in going back to headquarters to report about this little mishap, and as soon as the words left her lips, a group of boys came running about to retrieve you and bring you back, worry on their minds as they scoured the said market place in search of you.  
   
Of course, Hanji would have wanted to go back and search for you as well, but at the time, the commander and the corporal had heard about this little problem and both superiors were not impressed with the woman’s antics. After all, with a murderer on the loose, and hell-bent on pushing a knife to your heart, you were supposed to be supervised almost all times.  
   
You weren’t even supposed to leave the base, and Hanji, being the perpetrator of the scheme, had shouldered both you and her supposed punishment, something you were thankful of. But when you came home late that night, you couldn’t help but feel a surge of anger at being left all alone in a foreign place.  
   
Nevertheless, you understood you were largely at fault as well, so you gladly took your punishment, which was a ban on training for a week and the confiscation of your gear, plus house arrest, or maybe the proper term would have been bedroom arrest since you literally were kept in your room and even had your meals delivered to you (if they were delivered at all).  
   
Some would comment the punishment on you was a little harsh, seeing as Hanji only received more work around the base. But the woman is a squad leader after all, therefore Hanji was needed around the base for more pressing matters and thus, if she got the same punishment as yours, the faction would definitely have been at a loss.  
   
But in any case, all that mattered that time was that you were able to make Devan’s long awaited meal, and that you and Hanji were both safe.  
   
You had to admit that sometimes the brunette superior gave you trouble in more ways than one. But the woman was like a second mother to you after all, and no, you wouldn’t actually voice that thought out, but yes, she was important to you. Hanji was one of the people who saved you, and more importantly, the woman was the first one to help you remember that not everyone was a psychotic serial killers taking indispensable joy over the killing of innocent children.  
   
“(F/n), do you regret becoming a member of the Scouting Legion?”  
   
Your mind abruptly stopped in its wandering, and you were brought back to the current situation at Hanji’s solemn words. A small distance away, Commander Erwin had finally finished whatever he needed to discuss with another superior, and was then making his way towards your general direction.  
   
“I… don’t.” You replied tersely to the brunette squad leader’s question, your slight pause in that small reply causing Hanji to know of the doubt in your answer.  
   
“Do you really think humanity doesn’t stand a chance against the titans then?”  
   
“I...” You murmured, your knuckles then turning white as you gave out a deep rooted sigh and faced the squad leader who was looking at you with suppressed sadness in those dark brown orbs. “I don’t really know.”  
   
You could now hear the commander’s footsteps against the rough grounds outside the castle of the Scouting Legion, and with another sigh you peeled your sights away from the woman of brunette locks, your (e/c) eyes unreadable as your face scrunched to one of annoyance by how your demeanor changed just because of the news of another expedition.  
   
And this expedition, which would be your second, will transpire in but an hour or two.  
   
The news broke out one time during breakfast a week ago, that same day your stress levels finally calmed down since after a good two weeks and a half since that mishap in 3DMG training, Devan could finally stomach some food in his system without the need to throw up.    
   
But the relief you felt that time was tragically short-lived. And in fact, your feelings of stress probably shot up to the sky the moment one of your friends from the 105th came by to tell everyone a snippet from a conversation he heard from some superiors talking in the hallways.  
   
And to think that, that day itself, the announcement was made during dinner time by none other than the commander himself.  
   
The news about the expedition was nothing surprising, and generally, everyone should have expected it coming along due to the fact that one of the main goals of the Scouting Legion was to make it to a particular basement in the Shiganshina district of the fallen Wall Maria, and this basement, from what you understood, was owned by the Yeager household.  
   
You for one had no idea what the basement of Eren’s once lively home could ever hold. But you knew that maybe, if humanity ever did have that small sliver of a chance against these dreaded titans, then that basement might just be your ticket to a world where you can finally see an endless sky not marred with stone walls.  
   
So that being said, of course, expeditions were vital for the faction to achieve their goal.  
   
To be honest, you still had not healed fully from the previous expedition that took place about four months ago. You still had nightmares, still cried some nights when you remembered the deaths, and you still would visit Blanche, Gareth, Phoebe, and Allistair’s empty rooms as you felt your heart plummet further when your greetings for them were met with nothing but silence.  
   
You still suffered the effects of your first expedition, and now that there would be another one, you were scared. Scared that maybe, you wouldn’t be strong enough to pick yourself back up and sew your shattered heart together this time around. Scared that you would lose more of those who are important to you, and maybe, you might even lose yourself, your world possibly becoming a permanent black by the hands of a titan.  
   
You were still young after all, a child in the eyes of many. You could only carry so much of a burden on your shoulders, and truthfully speaking, you didn’t know how long it could be before you’re crushed by the immense harshness of this reality you’re facing.  
   
With a sigh, you took away some (h/c) strands from your face, your (e/c) orbs plastered to the ever so nearing commanding officer as you registered Hanji’s worried look over you.  
   
Facing the brunette woman, you forced a smile.  
   
“I have no intention to give up this fight though.” You said, and just as you finished that statement, Erwin came to a stop before you and the brunette squad leader, your two superiors giving each other a nod as a greeting while you offered up a salute no less than the definition of your best.  
   
“At ease.” Erwin told you with his usual relaxed smile, and you dropped your hands to your side, your form stiff from anticipation about what the commander needed to talk with you about.  
   
Hanji pushed her glassed further up the bridge of her nose, a habit of hers if you may, and the woman cleared her throat to gather your attention. As you looked over to the squad leader with slight curiosity, you noticed the smile on her face, and it was unknown to you at the time, that Hanji’s smile was due to the small sentence you shared with her before Erwin came along.  
   
“We’re reestablishing the Repression Squad.” Hanji said, her tone of voice a little solemn as the woman knew that your memories affiliated with that squad was not anywhere near the definition of good.  
   
You remained calm as a response, though this news was definitely unexpected for you because you just assumed that due to the failure the squad has committed in the past expedition, the Repression Squad was to be dissolved and you, along with the other surviving members of the squad were to be distributed to other groups. Besides, no one mentioned about that squad ever since you returned on your own after being left outside the walls after your first expedition.  
   
It was like the name of that small group of rookies, and the horrid events those cadets were subjected to that day were forgotten, but you didn’t know everyone was just taking into consideration your feelings. You didn’t know it, but everyone could see how much you’ve changed, and the tears you shed late into the night for your fallen friends, well, it wasn’t much of a secret as you thought it would be.  
   
Taking a gulp, you nodded, your eyes wandering down to the patch of dried grass you were standing on.  
   
“The members…” You mumbled.  
   
“Yes, this is quite sudden, but we have listed the new additions.” Hanji said in a near apologetic manner. “It was discussed in the last minute meeting yesterday, but just to let you know, originally we were supposed to approve the complete dismissal of the squad given the results of the previous expedition.”  
   
You flinched at the words ‘result’ but it was only a subtle change and thankfully, your small moment of weakness didn’t reach the consciousness of your two officers currently conversing with you.  
   
“Given the losses we sustained on the last expedition, we have decided however, that the squad is needed in our operation. (F/n), do you remember the focus of the last expedition?” Hanji said, and you stared at her for a moment.  
   
 You furrowed your eyebrows at the statement before answering. “The 105th was not informed of anything.”  
   
“Make a guess (F/n).” Hanji ushered you on, and you pursed your lips together for a moment before you sighed and took a shot at guessing.  
   
“Deviant types.” You said simply. “For some reason there were a lot of them.” You paused for a while to dig your nails deeper onto the palms of your hands, your mind then hurriedly trying to get rid of the picture of a certain female with wavy, light caramel colored locks. “It was my first expedition though, so I thought that was normal.”  
   
Hanji shook her head from side to side, and the commander offered a part in the conversation this time around.  
   
“There would usually be a handful.” Erwin said, the serious tone of his making you more anxious than you already were. “As you know, one of the priorities of each expedition is not to engage any titans at all unless necessary, deviant types, of course, being the only case where engaging in combat is allowed.”  
   
You gave a nod, a silent urging being given out from you since you were a little confused about this matter.  
   
“On the 62nd expedition, we had a run-in with those types of titans.” Hanji said. “Coming across aberrant groups are normal, but the numbers that time were far from the usual. Honestly, I do not know if titans have the ability to become a deviant, it is possible, but in any case, with the steadily growing numbers of deviants, are proving to be quite the predicament in expeditions.”  
   
“What?” You muttered, your mind thrown into a spiral of thoughts as the word left your lips without much thought.  
   
“We are speculating that average titans can somehow become deviants.” Erwin said. “And records from previous expeditions are beginning to prove this speculation as true. It has become a threat, much so that we need to take action against the growing numbers of deviants.”  
   
“Are you suggesting we engage in combat?” You said, your words frantic for an answer, but the look your superiors gave you already told you what you didn’t want to know, even without them having to voice their reply out. You studied your superiors’ expressions, your heart pounding in your chest as you wished this was all just a joke. “T-that’s not—”  
   
“I know it seems illogical.” Hanji muttered. “But please, trust us (F/n). If we do not act on things now, things might blow up and further expeditions might contain heavier amounts of fatalities.”  
   
You bit your bottom lip at the brunette squad leader’s words. You were at a loss, for words, thoughts, anything. The 63rd expedition was bad enough with everyone trying to evade the aberrant titans, so what more, no, how much more deaths would today’s expedition have? Given that this time, the commander does plan to drive everyone into the very thing you all were trying to avoid.  
   
“Do they know?” You muttered, your voice but a whisper as you trained your eyes onto Hanji’s russet ones.  
   
The brunette woman shook her head for a moment before answering. “None of the 105th, aside from you will know about this.”  
   
“But that’s not fair!” You began to raise your voice a little bit. “You… you guys are going to drive them to their deaths, and they don’t even know about it!” You seethed, your teeth gritted as you wholeheartedly did not understand the ways the minds of your superiors worked.  
   
“That is an order (F/n).” Erwin interrupted your minuscule outburst. “This information will not leave you.”  
   
You glared at your commanding officer, an act that you knew was disrespectful, but at this point of time you didn’t bother about ranks and the proper conduct. No, not when this man was going to indirectly murder what could be more than a hundred or so. Not when the fact that you would lose your friends will become a reality coming on much to quicker than you could have liked.  
   
“Yes, sir.” You said after a while, your words dipped in your frustrations.  
   
“We will leave in an hour.” Erwin informed you, and then he looks over to his fellow veteran soldier. “Hanji .” The man nods, allowing the brunette woman before you to offer a nod back before the commander just left you there to probably check on some more other things.  
   
“(F/n), we can go back to your friends. When we return, I will brief you and your new squad about details and any changes.” Hanji offered you a small smile, and you merely nodded in response as you two began the walk back to that room somewhere in the Survey Corps base where your oblivious comrades are joking around without a thought on what awaits them.  
   
You were silent along the way to the refilling stations, your heart seemingly making its way up to your ears as you could hear the pounding quite clearly. Hanji continued to talk about whatever came to mind, a form of soothing probably, since to be honest, the squad leader was kind of worried about you. And the woman even considered convincing Erwin not to tell you about this change of plans a day ago as well.  
   
But not telling you would achieve nothing but naivety. Why the commander specifically chose to tell you of all people though, you did not know. You were just a cadet after all, one of a lower asset compared to anyone in the 104th.  
   
As you made it back to the refilling station with Hanji, you hurriedly walked over to your best friends to retrieve your gear and the neatly folded green cloak of yours that Ysavelle handed out to you. It was tempting really, to tell the ravenette about what awaited everyone once they go into titan territory, but being the respectable soldier you are, you chose to follow your orders and you had shut yourself up.  
   
Your best friends noticed your change in demeanor though, but out of understanding they continued to let you think you were hiding your feelings so well.  
   
Hanji was ushering everyone to speed things up by the time you had attached your 3DMG to your form. And in a couple minutes more, everyone had begun filing out of the room they were lounging in, in favor of heading to the stables where they would mount their horses and be ready for whatever comes.  
   
As cadets begun to go out of the room though, Hanji called a select few of people, including you and a certain auburn haired girl, to stay behind. Ysavelle was worried about why you and Erian were staying behind, but Devan just gave you a nod as his way of encouraging you on before the beige haired boy took your ravenette best friend by the wrist and set off to the stables.  
   
There were about seven of you, including Hanji, who were left behind, and the squad leader wasted no time to begin telling you details she most certainly had discussed with other superiors before.  
   
The Repession Squad has been reestablished, the goals and the position in formation no different than the one before. There were only new additions to make up for the ‘loses’ as Hanji so kindly places it. And you weren’t honestly ecstatic about knowing who your new squad members would have to be.  
   
The surviving members of the first Repression Squad were retained unfortunately, those members specifically being you, Kent, and lastly Leanah, the latter respectively being the girl you instructed to inform the other squads that the squad left of yours’ the last expedition had fallen tragically in the hands of aberrant titans.  
   
Other than you three, there were four new additions to the squad to meet the seven member mark. Everyone left in the now quiet refilling station was listening to Hanji as the woman talked about any details she had to cover, or rather, details that were okay to cover in front of your friends.  
   
Hanji basically told you things you and the other surviving members of the Repression Squad already knew, like your tasks as a much needed offense and back-up squad, and your position on the sides of formation. Hanji also mentioned, in utmost respect, the previous members who have fallen, and the general details you could pick up were as follows.  
   
**The Repression Squad**  
  
**First established the year 852, and disbanded on the same day of creation, after the 63rd expedition outside the walls.**  
  
**Squad Members (at the time)**  
  
**Squad Leader: Blanche Eloise (Rank 2) - Deceased**  
**Second in Command: Gareth Paige (Rank 6) - Deceased  
Third in Command: (F/n) (L/n) (Rank 1)  
   
Members: **  
**Leanah Amethys (Rank 27)  
Kent Donnovan (Rank 19)  
Phoebe Bryn (Rank 12) - Deceased  
Allistair Rhys (Rank 16) - Deceased**  
   
**The Repression Squad was reestablished four months later after being disbanded, in time for the 64th expedition outside the walls. The reestablishment is solely for the purpose of maintaining the number of squads required for the formation during the expedition, and to take over the position of the fallen left flank in the scouting of titans.**  
   
**Current Members:**  
  
**Squad Leader: (F/n) (L/n) (Rank 1)**  
  
**Members:**  
**Kent Donnovan (Rank 19)  
Leanah Amethys (Rank 27)  
Erian Castell (Rank 8)  
Rinni Beaumont (Rank 32)  
Aria Ruthe (Rank 4)**  
   
With the briefing done, Hanji led your small group of six to the stables, a few laughs being made as Kent complained about him being the only guy in the group. Erian laughed along and tried to drag you into the playful banter, but you didn’t even look at her direction, seeing as your mind was busy with thinking of ways to keep yourself sane in this time of immense stress.  
   
Hanji left you to your group after reaching the stables, the woman mounting her own steed and riding off into a short distance where her squad was. You were about to do the same too, but Erian commending you for your new position had momentarily given you a small realization as you stopped in your tracks, the reins of your horse in hand as you offered a small smile to the auburn haired girl.  
   
You were a squad leader, a position once held by a dear friend of yours. And as you mounted your horse and your new squad trailed after you, only then had you realized the burden Blanche must have felt when she was given your current position. To know that the lives of the friends talking behind you are in your hands, honestly, you were surprised you hadn’t broken down from the pressure by then.  
   
You could kill them, your friends. One mistake, one reluctant decision, just a small dip in your performance could very well ensure the hazel eyed girl beside you would never see another sunrise again.  
   
And that thought made you grip your reins tighter as Erwin took the front spot and led everyone past a network of wide streets and houses.  
   
You reached the gates of Wall Rose soon enough, and then before another five minutes would go by, you were out into the former Wall Maria, the most recent territory claimed by the titans if you would describe the place. And as the wind blew through your (h/c) you heard a squeal beside you, Erian giving you a bright grin as those hazel hues shone with a sparkle that could compare to the heavenly stars of the night sky.  
   
And you dreaded the thought of those hazel eyes turning to a dull and lifeless shade.  
   
Erwin called for the commencement of the Formation for Long Distance Enemy Detection not too long after you had escaped the security of Wall Rose, and as you led your squad to your assigned positions, you willed every single cell in your body to not fuck things up this time around.  
   
You did not know how long the expedition would last, but to be honest, as long as nobody died, you didn’t care if you had to stay in a titan infested land for days. Streaks of red erupted from the distance, followed by an eruption of green lines. Beside you, Erian was quick to relay the message to other squads with a green flare, and everyone sped off to the left where the commander had instructed everyone to go to.  
   
About half an hour into the expedition and there was nothing out of the ordinary. There were a couple black flares going about, but you assumed those aberrant titans spotted would be taken care of by skilled members since this expedition generally was made for the purpose of killing off the abnormal types before they become too much to handle.  
   
Erian was quick to find the quirk in this expedition though, and when she asked no one in particular about it, you swore your heart stopped for a second there.  
   
“Hey, guys, don’t you notice that instead of steering away from the titans, the commander is leading us towards them?” Erian said confusedly.  
   
“Now that you mention it…” Leanah muttered.  
   
“Nah, it’s probably just your imagination. Right (F/n)?” Kent said with subtle worry in his features.  
   
You took a gulp as you noticed eyes boring down your back, your eyes at the moment, only focused on another set of green flares that erupted in the distance and you beckoned your squad to follow the general direction of the green streaks.  
   
“Yep!” You muttered, your heart plummeting to a puddle of guilt as you feigned innocence. “There must be a reason for this.” You then said.  
   
There _has_ to be a reason for this.  
   
You could feel a specific set of blue eyes on you as you said the last sentence. And you didn’t need to look back to know it was Aria who was looking at you in such a way.  
   
You and the light blonde haired girl were far from being on good terms with each other. But ever since you two made it back from the evaluation exam together, people could sense the change, though slight, in both of your actions towards the other.  
   
Despite the differences you two had, and your rocky relationship, you respected the blond girl as she did to you. Aria was undeniably academically proficient though, being that she scored most of the written examinations back at training. And if anyone in your current squad can say with confidence that you were hiding something from them, it would definitely be her.  
   
“(F/n).” You heard your name, and you momentarily looked to the side to catch those blue orbs in your own (e/c)s before you brought your attention back to the front just in time to see a red streak erupting from the distance.  
   
“Wha—” You began, but a voice from the person riding alongside your left had interrupted you.  
   
“(F/n)! There’s a horde of them!” Erian shouted, panic reverberating in the auburn girl’s words as you quickly looked your left to see that in the distance there were indeed, a lot of titans running about. And what’s more, they were headed your way.  
   
“Isn’t that a spot inside formation?!”  Rinni muttered in worry. “We’re located on the sides, the titans are coming from an inside direction.”  
   
“Oi, focus!” Kent shouted, and you grit your teeth as you fumbled for the black canister and your gun.  
   
Quickly reloading the gun you were about to raise it up when a shadow loomed over you, and for a moment you thought you were a goner, but that was until someone kicked the side of your horse and the animal was able to jerk away to the side in time to not get squished by a giant foot.  
   
“Fuck, there’s more behind us!” Kent shouted. “(F/n), are you okay?”  
   
You only gave a nod in response to the boy’s question and you tried to think of possible escape routes. You lost your flare gun in the middle of this little commotion, and panicking yourself, you just continued to ride as fast as you could forward, your squad members riding alongside you quietly, with the occasional yelps as a hand or foot would come into contact with a spot in the ground near your squad.  
   
Finally finding your voice after biting your bottom lip enough to bleed, you looked behind to see how many titans were on your trail.  
   
There were only two titans behind your group, the small number not as threatening as the seven or so to your very far left that were going to reunite with your squad soon. You were out in the open though, in a plain with the nearest tree about a mile away. And that’s when your eyes caught the sight of an abandoned village about a five minute ride on your right.  
   
The buildings were not that tall, but it could still give you and your group a good place to hook your gears through and maneuver yourselves to safety.  
   
Biting your lip, you evaded another stomp and began to think about the situation properly.  
   
Rinni was right that the titans on your left came from inside the formation. As the Repression Squad was located on the sidelines, and by the middle right of the formation, unless the squads to your left were completely annihilated, these titans wouldn’t be coming from the left side.  
   
Running out of time and pressed for options, you bit your bottom lip enough to bleed.  
   
“We’re breaking formation!” You shouted, ignoring the streaks of green leading to the left as you steered your horse away to the right and had that abandoned village in your mind as the set destination.  
   
“Are you crazy?!” Kent shouted, but he hesitantly followed you anyway. “We need to stay in formation or else!”  
   
“Shut the fuck up and listen to the squad leader.” Aria spat, her voice laced with annoyance but she was defending you. “Can’t you see the titans coming from the left? I don’t know how they entered formation, but if we go to the direction the commander wants us to, we’re basically running towards our own deaths.”  
   
Kent had shut up by then, and you were able to heave out a sigh.  
   
“We’re going to enter that village!” You informed your squad, the loud footsteps behind you almost drowning out your words so you pointed to the run-down village in the distance to make your point. “Prepare for combat, we’re engaging them in there!”  
   
“Yes, sir!” You heard a chorus of shouts and you sighed, relief coming over you as you led your squad through the grassy plains.  
   
And with that, you and your group continued to move further away from formation, a green streak erupting by your side as you saw Erian give you a grin.  
   
“We still need to let them know.” The hazel eyed girl smiled, and you nodded in response.  
   
To be honest, you didn’t know what awaited you in the very near future. But right now you had a group to lead, and that was the only priority you had. The last expedition had ended up terribly, and this time around you didn’t want a repetition. You were a rookie, yes, but you would break every bone you had as long as you can protect another life.  
   
As you neared the destination of the abandoned village, you heard the sounds of blades being drawn out. An eerie silence filling your squad as the sounds of heavy footfalls resounded a short distance away behind you.  
   
“We’ll split into groups three.” You ordered, and then you pointed to what seemed to be a broken bell tower in the very far-off distance. “That’s our rendezvous point!”  
   
“Anything else?” Aria said, a mocking tone in her voice as you looked back to meet her eyes again.  
   
“Please don’t die.”  
   
“Of course!” Your squad members responded in unison.  
   
“Dismissed!” You shouted, and then without anymore words or goodbye’s your small group of six separated into groups of two, respectively, you and Erian as one group, Aria and Kent as another group, then Leanah and Rinni making up the last grouping.  
   
You could hear the sounds of breaking glass as titans continued to follow your now split squad into the expanse of land once brimming with life and people. Looking beside you, you saw Erian facing forward, her auburn strands dancing in the wind as you two rode past empty houses and broken buildings.  
   
“(F/n)…” Erian muttered, her voice shaky but when the girl looked at you she seemed more than fine.  
   
“Yep?” You responded quickly, the two of you doing a quick turn to another empty street as more sounds of breaking wood and glass resounded behind you. Erian adjusted her hold on her 3DMG blades as she maneuvered her horse around a pile of debris, and then the girl looked at your direction with a smile.  
   
“I just want to say thanks. For everything, and if I don’t—”  
   
“We’ll make it out of this alive.” You cut your best friend’s sentence off in a hasty manner, your hands tightly gripping both the reins of your horse and your hand-grips equipped with sharp blades. “We will, I promise.”  
  
But at the very moment you ended that sentence, a hand made contact with the rider beside you, and at the moment your heart definitely came to a standstill. Time seemed to stop, at least that's what you wanted to happen. And as a droplet of warm red stained your cheeks, only one word left your lips, you and your horse abruptly stopping as you glanced to the side where your best friend should be.  
  
"...Erian?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to ask, are you guys okay with a Devan x Reader ending? ^^


	33. The 64th Expedition: Won’t Leave You

What transpired was too quick for your mind to comprehend what was going on. Or maybe, the better description on your situation right now was that what transpired was something your mind could not accept.  
   
Your brain was currently in a short circuit, nothing seemingly making sense as your vision was temporarily hindered by a moist layer of unshed tears, your hands turning a deadly cold, your body numb that even if you were bitten in half this very moment, you could very well just smile because you wouldn't feel even a single thing because nothing could best this pain wracking through your body right now.  
   
It all happened too fast, and slowly, you brought a hand to touch a part of your right cheek, a shadow looming over you telling you that you had to get the fuck out of this situation. But when you drew your hand away from your cheek to examine it, the red coating your fingertips caused your eyes to drip with those salt-laced emotions, your breath hitching as your mouth was agape in fear.  
   
Fear, that didn’t concern the titans or your death that could be fast approaching.  
   
“…Erian?”  
   
You found your voice cracking even just with a simple word, no, not a simple word. A name, a name that was important to you, otherwise you wouldn't be feeling that someone just ripped your heart out of your chest and placed it in a shredder to turn the beating organ into minced meat. Honestly though, you didn’t have a voice at all. Your mouth formed the words, but you were muted, your sense of smell taking in the scent of some putrid perfume that made you want to throw up.  
   
You were shaking involuntarily by then, your (s/c) skin a visibly paler hue.  
   
It was hard to breathe, every breath you took coming off as short and ragged.  
   
Someone just ripped you into a million shreds, and yet you were still intact.  
   
“Erian?”  
   
It hurts.  
   
A footstep resounded from in front of you, the sounds of debris further being reduced to more useless components echoing in the open space around you. In a fit of panic at the sudden sounds, your horse jerked away and ran from the scene, causing your body to hit the dirt-strewn grounds of this abandoned village harshly as you didn’t grip the reins hard enough and you fell. Your hands were still holding the handgrips of your gear that were equipped with sharp-edged blades, but those would be useless, unless you decide to stop wasting away and take the weapons and use the metal blades for its purpose.  
   
You grazed your arm at a broken shard of glass at your fall, the cut, deep and painful but it didn’t bother you. In fact, you didn’t feel the pain from that wound at all.  
   
There was a much bigger wound in your system right now, your chest hurting specifically as you stayed in the position you fell into, which was on all fours, your knees to your feet, and your forearms were pressing against the rough stone path of this street you were in, your (e/c) pools registering nothing but the grayish tones beneath you and the drops of red that begun to cascade down your cheek.  
   
The blood you were seeing was not yours.  
   
But it was painful.  
   
“Erian…”  
   
You close your eyes tightly as the word left your lips for the third time without a respondent, your body shaking uncontrollably with a burst of emotions as sobs started to pour out of you.  
   
You were in the middle of a damned battlefield, a titan standing in front of you, your only means of locomotion was nowhere out of sight, and you had a group to lead, a group to meet by some broken bell tower just a possible five streets west from your current position. By now you should now that the best course of action was to kill this titan or flee. You knew that very well.  
   
But when your best friend just disappears from your view, with her blood staining your cheek a second later, you couldn't help being this disoriented mess.  
   
No amount of military training and instructing can ever prepare anyone enough for this kind of situation.  
   
No one, not even the strongest soldiers in the faction, would ever be prepared enough should death slap them across the face, and worse, should death take away people important to them.  
   
You were blinded by then, your eyes filled with nothing but rage and anger. You bit your bottom lip harshly to help suppress the involuntary shaking of your body, the shadow looming over your form coming to a stop, a titan’s smiling face seemingly mocking your pain as another sob left you.  
   
Time seemed to slow down more than ever, and you gripped the handles of your 3DMG blades tightly, a sheet of white rage wrapping itself around you as you grimaced at the sight of red covering your right hand’s fingertips. Your feelings were a strong surge by then, the dam keeping you sane finally adorning a few cracks until it broke, a waterfall of your emotions coming at full force as you stood up groggily, your (e/c) hues looking dull as tears continued to stream down the contours of your cheeks.  
   
“You…” You eyed the titan in front of you, your hands possibly gripping the handles of your gear too hard for comfort. “You fucking bastard!”  
  
You couldn't see anything but rage. Your mind at the moment, couldn't think of anything but the blotch of red on your cheek, and the creature who was responsible for that.  
   
“I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU.” You seethed, your legs getting into position for a run as the titan lifted a hand to come and grab you.  
   
As the hand came nearer to your form, you used the arm of the titan as leverage, your wires shooting from the gear on your hips to hook into the upper arm of the bastard giant. You then forced yourself to break into a sprint, you going up the uneven ground that is the titan’s upper arm until you got into the shoulder and jumped, only for you to turn around mid-jump and hook the gear to the titan’s shoulder blades.  
   
With one quick sweep, the sounds of flesh ripping apart through sharp edges were heard. Steam was emanating from the form beneath you, subjecting your skin to a harsh heat as you fell with the now dissipating titan.  
   
You hopped off of the figure’s nape the moment the ground rumbled as the titan finally lay with the ruins. You just stood there in silence, the only sounds you could hear was the heavy beating of your heart, and the low hisses as blood from the titan that has stained your green cloak was evaporating into steam. You stared at the fallen giant before you, your (e/c) hues in a state of lackluster.  
   
But that was until you heard a faint sound over the noise of evaporating flesh.  
   
If there was anything you were thankful for that concerned the murderer who enacted the killings in Sina, it would be that the guy helped heighten your senses in the two years that you were detached from the world.  
   
You whipped your head around, a curse leaving your lips as the steam from the titan you killed was making it hard for you to see clearly. There was no mistaking it though. You were sure you heard something, weak and faint, but you heard it.  
   
“Erian?!” You shouted, panic lacing your voice as you left your spot to do a quick scouting of the area around you. “Erian, if you’re there, please answer me!”  
   
You heard another cough, one that was relatively nearer, and you looked around frantically in search for tufts of auburn hair. You couldn't see anything however, and the tears continuously escaping your colored orbs weren't helping you either.  
   
You heard a faint voice in the distance, and that was when you spotted the ruins of a battered house. The front of the house was partially ruined, the area broken down, most likely the result of a titan stepping on a part of the wooden structure while probably chasing after a potential meal years ago. You didn’t know what came over you but you ran up to the run-down structure. You almost tripped a couple times on the short distance as well, but it wouldn't matter even if you did fall, because you’d push yourself back up and run again.  
   
Reaching the house, you felt another surge of tears coming as you saw a figure lying against the debris, and you dropped your blades as you ran to the person lying on the ground, her eyes closed and a trail of blood on the side of the person’s mouth as you dropped to your knees beside her.  
   
“Eri—” You began, your voice weak and mirroring your moment of weakness perfectly.  
   
You couldn't bear to finish the sentence though, as your shaky hands cupped the face of your best friend, the flesh beneath the pads of your fingers cold. Gently, you took a hand to push auburn strands away from the face of your best friend, a droplet of salty liquid fell from your eyes and splashed softly against a cheek of ivory, and you saw the minuscule movement of the eyes behind eyelids.  
   
The girl beneath you slowly opened her eyes, her hazel eyes glazed with pain as she stared at you, a smile forming on her lips.  
   
“You should go.” Erian said weakly, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes, but you rubbed at the tears with your thumbs before they would connect with the ground.  
   
“I thought you were gone.” You ignored her, your breath hitching as more tears streamed down your face. “Erian… I thought you were—”  
   
“I wasn't eaten...” Your best friend said with an effort, the girl taking a pause as she winced for a moment before continuing. “The titan just slapped me and my horse… he's dead (F/n).” Erian said, and only then had you realized the poor animal sprawled by the street outside.  
   
Erian raised a hand to take off one of your hands that were cupping her cheeks, and she gave your limb the hardest squeeze she could muster in her current state.  
   
“(F/n) you have to leave.” The girl muttered, a smile on her face as her tears began to fall, now that you weren't able to wipe them away.  
   
You saw Erian’s face contort into one of pain and that was when you noticed the strong smell of iron. Slowly, you took your sights away from your best friend’s face, your heart being shoved into the ground as your breath hitched at the sight of a long stretch of glass impaling the girl.  
   
A bloodstained glass, from a broken window you presume, was protruding on a side of the girl’s stomach, blood pooling around a side of her waist.  
   
You felt your hand being squeezed again, and you brought your (e/c) orbs back to meet those tones of hazel.  
   
“(F/n), I know… I know this isn't the time to say this.” Erian muttered, her voice cracking. “I want to see you smile all the time, but...”  
   
You merely nodded, another tear dripping from your eyes as you understood what the girl wanted to say. The girl of auburn tresses closed her eyes, a smile on her lips as you squeezed her hand back tightly, afraid that should you give a little allowance in your hold, Erian would disappear.  
   
You heard a breath being drawn out, and Erian opened her eyes again to stare at the sky.  
   
“Erian, just save your energy.” You found yourself desperately saying, but you were ignored.  
   
“You’re like a sister to me y’know. You, and Ysavelle, then Devan’s that smartass brother.” You found your lip quivering as you nodded, your ears registering the faint laugh your best friend gave out. “I love you, all of you, you’re the only family I have left and I’m sorry I have to…”  
   
“No, Erian…” You began, but you were silenced as hazel hues stopped staring in the sky to meet your eyes.  
   
“I’m sorry I can’t fulfill our dream anymore.”  
   
“Stop…” You pleaded.  
   
“You know what, I actually hated my life. My parents went out in the morning that day, during the fall of Wall Maria. And the next thing knew, people were running to the docks. I… I didn’t even get to say a proper goodbye. I never saw them again after that.”  
   
Your best friend coughed, you levels of alertness coming to a higher standard as fresh blood ran down the side of the girl’s mouth. But Erian didn't seem fazed by the blood at all as she still continued to speak, which much more of an effort this time.  
   
“I got into the boat in time, and then for some reason I was sold into the underground where I met Devan. I used to steal a lot, I had to. And then one day you changed that for me (F/n). You don’t… you don’t know how much you mean to me. I want to hug you right now, but you always get annoyed when I get clingy.” She laughed, and you shook your head from side to side.  
   
It was true you weren't so fond of the girl being a touchy person, but you never once hated the girl for it. You found yourself crying silently now, or at least that’s what you thought you were doing until Erian took her hand away from your hold and wiped your tears away.  
   
“I’m bringing you back.” You muttered quietly.  
   
“(F/—)”  
   
“Shut up.” You spat back. “Save your energy.”  
   
“It’s use—”  
   
“I’m not going to fucking sit here watching you die when I know I can save you!” You said harshly, and you took Erian’s hand away from your cheek so you could clutch it again, the hand of yours that wasn't occupied then rubbing at your eyes hastily as you tried to stop the tears from falling.  
   
“You can’t.” Erian said, pain visible in her voice but you ignored it.  
   
“I will try.” You responded. “Please, let me try. You… I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you.”  
   
Erian closed her eyes for a moment, knowing she wouldn't be able to get past your stubborn nature. The girl just wanted you to go, leave her alone because she was a lost case. But a part of her still wanted to see the next sunrise, a part of her still wanted to tell you jokes you never laughed at, a part of her still wanted to be there for you should you fall.  
  
A part of her still wanted to live in this dreaded world.  
   
And you, you were going to make sure that happens.  
   
Standing up, you eyed the glass sticking out of the girl’s clothes. You didn’t know how to go about this, but you needed to stop the bleeding and the glass was in the way. Thankfully, the glass seemed to be consistent in width, so you took a gulp and walked over near Erian’s waist.  
   
“This might hurt.” You murmured, earning a small pained chuckle from your best friend from your miserable attempt to soothe her.  
   
You gripped the ragged edged of the broken glass, some red liquid staining your hands both from your palms digging into the wounding sides of the glass, and from Erian’s blood that was smeared across the transparent object. With a swift move, but as cautiously as you could, you pulled the glass out of Erian’s stomach, the girl letting out a whimper as you threw the blooded glass a safe distance away and heard the sound of the bloodied glass shattering to a million more pieces.  
  
Studying the wound quickly, you took no time to waste in taking off your Survey Corps cloak.  
   
You bunched the green cloth in your hands, and then you pushed Erian’s cloak away from her stomach before you pressed your bundled fabric to your best friend’s wound. Your eyebrows furrowing as your forest green cloak began to take a darker shade.  
   
The blood wouldn't stop.  
   
“Just go.” Erian said in a strained voice.  
   
“No.” You responded, your palms continuing to press down on the open wound of your best friend.  
   
In the distance, you could hear a set of heavy footsteps, but you didn’t give a damn because you had something more important to do and it didn’t concern them. At this point in time, you could say your priorities were a mess. But to anyone who would be subjected to such a situation, you were handling things a little better.  
   
“(F/n) just fucking go.” Erian seethed, and she placed a bloodied hand atop your stained ones to stop you from your actions. “A titan—”  
   
You simply slapped her hand away and pressed harder to stop the bleeding, the stench of iron enough to make you gag but you tried to keep yourself from doing so. Your ears pounded with the beating of your heart and the low rumbling of the ground as a titan’s footsteps got nearer. You momentarily withdrew a hand away from the dampened forest green cloak of yours so you could push some (h/c) strands away from your face to keep them from obstructing your view.  
   
Erian gave a pained grunt, and you murmured a string of apologies, your eyes taking note of your best friend’s now pallid complexion.  
   
“It’s not stopping.” You said through gritted teeth, your eyes burning with the many tears you were continuously producing. You looked up from your hands and out into the distance, the bell tower’s washed out, red, roof meeting your eyes as you bit your lip again.  
   
“You tried.” Erian said with a smile. “I’m happy now. It’s okay.”  
   
You glared at your best friend, and you quickly left your spot beside her to go and grab your handgrips. Erian breathed a sigh of relief as she thought she finally got through your stubborn exterior. But when you went back to her side with blades in hand, a feeling of dread filled those hazel eyes.  
   
“(F/n), what are you—”  
   
Without a moment to spare, you kneeled back down next to Erian’s waist, your blades by your side as you took your dampened cloak and wrung it, droplets of Erian’s blood trickling to the ground, your face scrunching in distaste at the puddle of red by your knees.  
   
“Trust me.” You muttered, and you forced a smile to grace your lips as you stared at Erian’s worried hazel orbs. “Just leave it to me.”  
   
Erian would have protested for you to leave her again, but the pleading look on your (e/c) eyes made it impossible for the girl to do what she wanted to do. Erian doesn't want to hurt you anymore than she had to, but she also doesn't want to let you live with regret should the girl be successful in pushing you away and you reach safety with guilt drowning your very soul.  
   
Erian closed her eyes by then, a terrible headache pounding against her skull as she felt cold even with the stuffy uniform and the heat of the early afternoon sky. The girl gave you a nod and you sighed in relief, bringing your eyes back down to the stained cloth in your hands.  
   
You picked up on of your blades and the sound of tearing fabric was heard. Erian’s eyes snapped open, the girl struggling to keep them open as you ripped through your Survey Corps cloak to make the green fabric into a bandage, your blade slicing through the insignia at the back. You could deal with the consequences later, or a punishment if this act was seen as disrespect to the faction. You had more pressing matters to take care of at the moment.  
   
You cut your cloak in half, one half of it, you folded carefully and meticulously, your eyes making sure no dirt or minuscule piece of glass was stuck to the fabric as you reduced it to a size as big as your hand. Cautiously, you placed the folded piece on Erian’s open wound, your stomach turning queasy as you tried to ignore the need to vomit with the abundance of blood around you.  
   
The once faint footsteps from earlier were now getting louder, and you took to haste in getting the other half of your torn cloak and slipping it under your best friend so you could wrap it around her waist like a bandage.  
   
It was a sloppily done job, but you managed at least. Erian now had a green fabric tied across her stomach, a knot atop her wound ensuring the security of the fabric against her bloody cream button-up. Under the knot was that piece of cloth you folded, this way, at least even without your hands there, the wound was still being pressed on so blood could stop flowing out if just a little bit.  
   
Standing up, your discarded your blades even though the metals were still in good condition, discarding your blades was far easier than reinserting them back into the slots of the gear by your hips after all. Sure, the two would take nothing more than a few seconds, but you were pressed for time and you could save anything, even that two second span difference between discarding your blades and reinserting your blades back into your gear.  
   
Gripping your handgrips tightly, you took a short moment to look at the battered gear on your best friend’s hips.  
   
There was no telling if it was going to work in the state it was in. And you knew fairly well how pricey the metal contraption was. The gear could still be doable, but it could just be dead weight, seeing as Erian is in no state to maneuver herself through buildings—and yes, you wouldn't let her do so either since it might open her wound more.  
   
So after a quick decision, you decided to take it upon yourself to detach the gear from your best friend so you could take the both of you to the bell tower in the distance faster.  
   
After taking the gear off of your best friend's hips, you then scooped the frail girl up much to her protests and then you ran back onto the streets, your (e/c) hues taking into consideration the titan about a couple meters away. Thankfully, it seems you weren't noticed yet. So with a deep breath, you continued down the abandoned streets until you reached a house you were sure wouldn't fall apart should you decide to hook the wires of your gear to it.  
   
“Hold tight.” You instructed, and Erian tried her best to loop her arms around your neck, the girl burying her face by the crook of your neck as you gripped your handgrips and shot your wires up the cemented structure.  
   
Honestly, at this point, you wished that during your training years, the instructors could squeeze into the curriculum a lesson on how to properly carry people while you’re using the 3DMG. You only ever did this once, and it was with Aria back at the evaluation exams. And at the time you might not have shown it, but you were scared about possibly dropping her.  
   
Erian gave a small whimper as you made a rough landing on a rooftop following the ascend.  
   
“Sorry.” You mustered quickly, and then you scanned the area for those monstrous giants before you would continue your journey to the bell tower you instructed your squad to meet up in.  
   
There were quite a few titans sprawled about, but they were a good distance away from you. And so, with another deep breath, you began running across the stretch of rooftops, and then you would use your gear every so often to propel you faster to your desired destination, all the while, with you ignoring the cold temperatures the girl in your arms was making you feel.  
   
You reached the bell tower soon enough, but with your clumsy footing, you crashed to your knees on the washed out rooftop. You were quite thankful you were able to keep Erian relatively unharmed though, as the girl was still being carried by you, her pallid skin tone matted with sweat and blood, her eyes closed. And you could only hope this was temporary.  
   
“Ah, squad leader’s here!” You heard a voice, a cheery voice that you came to know as Rinni’s.  
   
“What took you so long?” You heard another voice, and you gave a grunt as you heaved for more air. “Wait… is that—”  
   
“There was an accident.” You muttered, and you looked to the side to see your squad members all fine, well, most of your squad members. Three girls were looking at you and the girl in your arms, a silence settling even more as they noticed the blood adorning Erian's waist. Even Aria, who was known for being composed, had her eyebrows furrowed and a hint of anger shone in those cerulean blues.  
   
“What happened?!” Leanah said, and she kneeled down to press a hand onto Erian’s forehead, the girl probably unconscious at the moment since no reaction was give out.  
   
If not for the slight breathing movements, the small twitches of closed eyes, and the faint beating of the heart you could feel on your arm as you pressed the limb to Erian’s back, you might have gone insane by then since the girl pretty much looked like she had crossed the other side.  
   
“Explanations later.” You heard Aria say, and you gave a nod to the blond.  
   
“Where’s your horses?” You asked by then.  
   
“The bottom of the tower, Kent is looking after them.”  Aria responded. “We took care of the seven or so titans who were on our trail too, so we’re pretty much safe until we reach the open plains again.”  
   
You stood up by then, Erian still in your arms.  
   
“I’m s—”  
   
“Don’t apologize.” Rinni said, her fists clenched by her sides. “We would have died back there if you didn’t think of this.”  
   
You could only look down in response to the girl’s words. And you found yourself tightly gripping your best friend again since you still couldn't shake the reality that you brought Erian into this mess.  
   
“There’s a 12 meter, west!” You hear Kent’s voice from below, and everyone you were with, looked to the left to see a titan a good ten houses away. "I think our cover is blown!"  
   
“(F/n), what do we do?” Leanah asked, and at that moment, realization dawned on you that you were a squad leader at the moment.  
   
You had a squad to lead, a squad whose safety you had to secure because other than being just members you were commanding, they were your friends, soldiers of humanity who were no different from you. They had families and respective friends as well, and despite only knowing you for a year or so, these people trusted their lives to you.  
   
“Let’s engage it.” Rinni muttered, her light brown hues glinting in murderous intent.  
   
“No.” You muttered.  
   
“What?” Rinni asked, to which you eyed the brunette girl.  
   
“Let's prioritize reuniting with the rest of the faction.” You said simply. “And I want to do that without missing limbs or members.”  
   
Leanah smiled at you, Aria giving you a scoff, and Rinni just stared for a moment before sighing in agreement. And with that, you five went down the bell tower’s roof, you four doing a combined effort to get Erian down with as less discrepancies as possible.  
   
When Kent saw you descend, he grew worried about the limp girl in your arms. But before he could say anything, another rumbling sound was heard and that was a good enough sign to tell everyone to save the conversations for later and just focus on reuniting with everyone else in the Scouting Legion.  
   
How you would lead your group in the open, and how you’ll find the rest of the faction. You don’t really know how to, but you’ll just have to try.  
   
Kent gave you his horse to ride, the boy sharing with Rinni, whereas Aria took the task of taking Erian with her. You were a little reluctant about the arrangements though, being that Erian is your best friend, it’s a given that you’d want to be the one to stay with the girl.  
   
But the numbers of the titans were steadily increasing in this ruin, and Kent did make a point in saying you’d need your own horse and no distractions since your full attention is needed in directing the Repression Squad to safety. Aria was a trustworthy comrade too, and despite your rocky relationship with the girl, you respected her.  
   
And so, after everyone has mounted their respective horses, you led the group through networks of foreign streets, the act making you remember that little endeavor of yours in a marketplace in Rose before you mentally slapped yourself and inwardly scolded yourself to focus on the expedition, and only the expedition.  
   
You were almost out of the village, maybe just a few more streets to go, but then the inevitable had happened.  
   
Titans were flooding into the place, and whether they were aberrant types or the average, you couldn't really tell.  
   
Quickly looking for an escape route, you instructed your squad to enter a narrow alleyway, one that the titans probably couldn't enter, and then you dismounted your horse and drew out your blades. Everyone, aside from Erian of course, eyed you with confusion, and then you called for Kent to take his horse back and lead the group out of the ruins while you leave and try to distract the titans from the group.  
   
“(F/n), we won’t leave you behind!” Rinni hissed, anger in those brown orbs as you finalized your decision to stay.  
   
“There’s nothing we can do. There’s a lot of them. I'm speculating they know there's food here, and in the slight chance that they’re deviants, our squad is as good as gone. I will meet with you back, I don’t know how but I will do it.” You responded, the last part of your answer a little more of a lie since you’re basically on a suicide mission here.  
   
Aria stared at you for a moment before her blue eyes landed onto the fainted girl seated in front of her, and then she called Leanah over, the girl with cherry-brown hair looking confused but she stirred her horse towards the blond.  
   
Out in the sky you saw a faint green line. It was far, but still noticeable due to the bright whites of the clouds and the seemingly serene and plain blue sky.  
   
“There.” You pointed to your far right. “I don’t know if what I saw was right, but your best bet to find the others would be that direction.”  
   
“But (F/n) we won’t leave you.” Kent reasoned, and you swore you wanted to shout the guy’s head off because you were doing them a favor and all they’re doing is stalling whatever little chance they have to get a head start and avoid the lot of giants who took a fancy to group in this abandoned village.  
   
“Listen here.” You snapped. “This is an order. Leave. No—”  
   
Before you could finish your sentence though, you felt a hard hit to the back of your head, your vision blanking out as you fell forward, with Kent just barely able to catch you before you hit the ground and get a higher chance of a concussion.  
   
The clatter of your blades resounded in the narrow alleyway, and brown eyes looked towards you who now leans unconscious in his arms, and to a girl with pale blond hair and blue eyes, looking at you with an unreadable impression. One of Aria’s hands was raised, holding a handgrip at the end, proving the girl had hit you with the flat bottom of the device.  
   
“What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Just. Do?” Kent said in a near shouting manner.  
   
“I knocked her out.” Aria responded simply, and the girl leant down to pick up your dropped blades, reinserting your blades to her gear before she threw the handgrips to Kent who could barely catch them with the unconscious (h/c) haired girl in his arms.  
   
The rumblings of the ground were becoming more frequent, causing panic to rise in the small group of rookies. All but the pale blond haired girl remained with stoic facade as she grabbed the reins of the horse you were riding and thrust the leather onto Kent’s already occupied hands.  
   
“Take your horse back.” Aria instructed, and the girl with the blue eyes mounted her horse, giving a small nod to the worried girl with cherry-brown hair, whom Aria instructed to keep an eye on Erian.  
   
With a grunt, Kent heaved you up his respective horse, with the help of Rinni, before he mounted the steed and secured the now unconscious you in front of him. Your legs were dangling on one side, your head pressed against his shoulder as the boy tried hard to ignore the discomfort of your gear digging onto his thighs. Rinni took care of your handgrips, the girl placing them into the flare pack strapped by Kent’s horse as the boy continued to shift you to a more comfortable position that wasn't doing anything at all.  
   
Aria took the lead this time, the girl conscious about the mop of auburn who still lay knocked out and bleeding by her front.  
   
All eyes were on the blond, seeing as well, she literally just knocked the squad leader out.  
   
“I’ll take the lead this time.” Aria muttered. “(F/n) obviously can’t think straight at the moment, so I knocked her out. You can report me, I don’t care. As much as we aren't in good terms, I respect her.”  
  
Aria took a deep breath and furrowed her eyebrows, her back turned to the rest of her squad mates as she formulated her own plan of escape.  
   
“I don’t want (F/n) to die too.” She murmured, a slight tint on her cheeks at how she didn’t like this soft side of her, but nevertheless, the rest of the members (who were conscious of course) understood her and each had a smile on their faces that did nothing to annoy the blond girl more.  
   
And as a titan appeared behind the group, it’s piercing eyes staring down at the meal before it. Aria flicked the reins of her horse and sped through the streets opposite of the titan, Kent following after the girl, whereas Rinni and Leanah took the very back of the small formation so they could both be able to engage in combat should the titan get into a really close and dangerous distance.  
   
“(F/n) mentioned a position in the west!” Leanah shouted from the back, the girl earning a grunt from Aria as the blond maneuvered her horse past debris, her brows furrowing at the warm liquid staining her abdomen.  
   
Aria took a glance to the back, an impassive look on her face as she stared at you who were situated in front of Kent. And then the girl redirected her gaze to the front, hues of striking blue showing a slight annoyance as Aria always did admire you, and to see you break like that in front of her and rush to your death was so foreign for her.  
   
Finally the squad broke through the abandoned village, and Aria eyed the wide stretch of grass before her, her eyes picking up a faint green line shooting up in the distance.  
   
The group then engaged the plains where the 3DMG was basically useless with nothing to hook onto. But you guys were going to make it. Aria swore on that, a short sentence of encouragement leaving the blond girl’s lips as she temporarily took your place in leading the squad.  
   
“Let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! If you guys didn't notice, I gave each of your best friends some focus the past chapters ^^
> 
> Ysavelle - Chapters 25 - 27  
> Devan - Chapters 29 - 31  
> Erian - Chapters 32 - 35
> 
> Also just a random question, who's your favorite best friend?  
> Erian, Devan or Ysavelle?


	34. The 64th Expedition: Recalling

There was a flash in the darkness surrounding you.  
   
All too quickly, you sprang up from what felt to be a lying position, your (e/c) hues darting quickly to and fro as you scrambled to get back in your feet, not noticing that the ground your feet were connected to was moving along rough paths. And you would have fallen off of the edge with a broken limb or two, had there not been a hand to push you back down by the shoulders, your eyes unable to comprehend anything with the thick sheet of tears that were clouding the natural colors of your eyes.  
   
"It's me. Everything's fine. You're safe (F/n)."  
   
The words were like a gift from heavens, the ever so blatant pounding of your heart against your chest tripling if possible at the sound of the familiar and soothing voice, one that you knew so well, and yet you still couldn't match a face to.  
   
And you were a mess right now, like a little child thrown into the crowded streets of a foreign place, your head whipping about every which way and yet there was this blurry sheet covering your eyes as if you were blindfolded, your world nothing but obscured blobs of color you couldn't even begin to name.  
   
(F/n) (L/n), filled with panic way over the brim, not a trace of whatever composition you held as a soldier, evident in your frantic little gasps and shaking form with every small jerk of the ground beneath you, your mind desperately conjuring questions faster than you could provide answers to—where were you? What happened? How did this happen? Erian, is she safe? Are you dead? Your squad—there was too much to answer, and you were a sobbing mess by then, unable to fully grasp what was happening.  
   
It was only when a pair of arms had settled around you, the ends of the limbs, composed of warm hands pushing your back ever so gently until your face was pressed against a comforting shoulder, and only when subtle circles were being traced at your back, words of promising safety being whispered in your ear like your mother used to do to you when you had nightmares, that you were able to calm down.  
   
Calm didn't normally come with a heaving mess and hands scrambling to tightly hold onto fabric enough to tear it in two, but this would have to do for now.  
   
"Shh... it's okay. You're safe."   
   
The words are repeated against your ear, and your only response was to bite your bottom lip harshly, with you desperately trying to stop this slew of desperate sobs that left your throat.  
   
"You're alright (F/n). Erian is too."  
   
You let out what you normally considered a pathetic whimper at the sound of the reassuring, your balled up fists scrunching up the fabric held in them, that there might be a possibility that if you'd let go, permanent creases would stay.  
   
When the figure holding you shifts a bit, hands pressing you down onto the warmth of another suddenly pushing you away by a firm grip on both shoulders, it was only then that you realized how much you wanted in on that secure grip again. Your tears were still pouring like a faucet of tap that wasn't fully closed to emit continuous droplets, and you flinched ever so slightly when the hands on your shoulders moved to cup your face delicately, like that of a mother to her child that fell face front on a street.  
   
The pads of thumbs swiped away at your eyes, causing you to close those (e/c) orbs. And after a while, when you opened them again, the picture of a gentle smile flooded your sights. The image was still a little blurred, but at least you were able to see clear enough now for you to actually make things out around you.  
   
There was still the reassuring wiping at the corner and the bottom of your eyes, a girl of raven strands tied into an almost undone bun, and bluish gray tones regarding you with a look of sincerity imprinting itself into your mind before you all but latched again to the figure, clawing at the girl's back and pressing her into you as if she was going to disappear in a moment.  
   
Unknowingly, you pressed your ears to her chest, right where the heart of a living person should be. The pounding sounds in your ears are able to let up a little bit, the faint thumping of your best friend's heart causing you bite your bottom lip at relief.  
   
A chuckle left Ysavelle's lips, the familiar sound making you press yourself further to reassure yourself that the drumming sounds coming from her were not a figment of your unconsciousness. A pair of hands encircled around you again, one going up to your head to pat at the cushion of (h/c).  
   
"Where... are we?"  
   
You are surprised by the hoarseness in your voice, the weakness it held, and you could only sigh in relief again when Ysavelle hums to soothe you before answering.  
   
"Calm down first (F/n)." That was all the girl says.  
   
And after small minute or so of you trying to hold yourself from breaking down any further, you felt yourself being taken in to a tight hug, Ysavelle burying her face in your hair, and that was the only time you were able to notice that you weren't the only one shaking violently. You weren't the only one in a panic here, and you weren't the only one at a loss for what to do.  
   
"Are you okay now?" Ysavelle mutters, and you gave a small nod.  
   
Your best friend then peels herself  away from you, but her hands, like earlier, are pressing against your shoulders to keep you in place.  
   
"I'll brief you." The ravenette mutters, and she cups your face to fix your eyes against her determined set of eyes. "Don't look anywhere else. Just focus on me for now, and I'll do the same."  
   
You didn't know what was going on, but you nodded reluctantly nevertheless.  
   
And Ysavelle still keeps her hands by your cheeks, thumb occasionally darting out to collect what could have been tears before the small streams of emotion left your pools of (e/c). You didn't know why your best friend was so keen on having your attention full on her, but you didn't really care enough to try and reason right now.  
   
And so you sat silently, your arms sagging by your sides as you regarded the female before you with a look that practically pleaded for her to hurry and sate the onslaught of questions bombarding you.  
   
"First off." Ysavelle draws a shaky breath before a smile if revealed to you. The girl unsure about where to start since you literally looked like a scarred child at the moment. "It's the 64th Expedition outside the walls, and we're currently in a retreat by order of the Commander."  
   
It took you a moment to nod, as you completely forgot about even being outside the walls, your face leaving its restraints to gaze around you at the memory of your squad being spit from the general formation, but Ysavelle kept your head in place rather harshly.  
   
"(F/n), we're fine okay? Just focus on me for now." The girl said, and you scrunched up your eyebrows but nodded anyway.  
   
Your best friend is able to take a deep breath, the rattling sounds beneath your feet ringing around you.  
   
"We're practically in an off-middle in the formation." Ysavelle began to talk again. "By the cargoes and supplies. You're under protection from my squad now, Armin's. And don't worry, the Repression Squad is okay, they're now under the order of Jean, I think. There are casualties from the faction in general though."   
   
Ysavelle pauses for a while when she sees the flicker of sadness in your eyes. But decides to continue because keeping you from information was something she didn't want to do. You were going to find out sooner anyway, and if information was held from you, you would stubbornly find a way until you got what you wanted to hear.  
   
"It's a small number, and I know whatever I say isn't going to console you about the lost lives of our comrades. But hear me out." You balled your hands into fists as you nodded after what felt like an hour. Everything was getting too much to process for you. But thankfully, Ysavelle was accommodating enough as she let out a small smile before she continues to talk. "Aria knocked you out, you have been unconscious for two hours at least, and it's because you were being stupid and wanted to sacrifice yourself so they could escape a ruined village of sorts. I'm not impressed (F/n)."  
   
Ysavelle's grip tightened on your shoulders, and you could feel that from the girl's hold on you alone, she wanted to shout your ear off and scold you about just carelessly throwing you life away. The ravenette is able to hold her emotions though, your best friend wanting you to know that you're out of harm's way for now, so scolding you could wait a little more later.  
   
"The mission, I don't know if we succeeded." You listened to the words silently, but the shaking of your body could still be seen. "We were able to wipe out a lot though. Devan was transferred from the back of formation to the scouting flanks. He's okay too. And I've excused myself from my squad to look over you."  
   
You breathed in deeply, the abusive biting on your bottom lip enough to make you bleed there. In fact, you can almost taste the familiar iron on your tongue, along with the salty taste of tears that managed to find itself to caress down the sensitive skin of your lips.  
   
"Erian." You muttered, the word like a plague that made your stomach lurch in a mix of emotions.   
   
And Ysavelle took that time to remove her hands from your face, the small tilting of her head to the side causing you to realize that the reason why the girl with the blue-gray eyes wanted you to focus on her, was because Erian was in the same cart as you, and knowing you, you would have left everything in abandon, the need for explanations chucked down the depths of a trash heap since your every cell would have focused on the bloodied mess of the auburn haired girl—much like you were doing now.  
   
You kneeled beside Erian, ignoring the painful throbbing at the back of your head as you grasped the auburn haired girl's cold hands, and if you hadn't felt the faint pulse, you might have gone into another round of bawling your eyes back there.  
   
Your eyes raked through the girl's figure, your eyes landing on the makeshift bandage you made, a mix of fresh and dry blood coating the green fabric of what once was your cloak. And you felt a hand against your back again, rubbing soothing circles to keep calming you down. You needed it too, the feeling that you weren't alone.  
   
"Good job on the bandage." Ysavelle offered to console you, and your lips just quivered, your hands brushing against the forehead of the girl lying unconsciously before you.  
   
"I don't know if I can handle it."  
   
Your words cut through the noisy atmosphere of shouting squads in the distance, the rattling of the wooden cart, and the hooves of the horses thumping softly but firmly against the plush green grass. You stare Erian's face, the wound by her stomach, and those messy locks of auburn that you would never admit you loved to see in the morning when you were woken up in your least desirable way of being disturbed from sleep.  
   
Ysavelle lets your words sink in for a while, before the ravenette grabs your hand and gives you a firm squeeze.  
   
"You won't have to." Your best friend mumbles. "Erian is not going to die. I won't let it happen. We're almost at the walls too, we're going home. All of us."  
   
You could sense the uncertainty in Ysavelle's voice, and you decided to let yourself be fooled with her statements anyway. You felt like you have failed as a member of the Scouting Legion, and as a squad leader, you just knew you were a disgrace. Your squad members too, you didn't know if you would want to see them again, not when you're like this.  
   
There was just too much on your plate right now, too much stuff that things were spilling over the edge and just wasting away on the floor. You didn't know how much you could handle if every expedition guaranteed the loss of a friend. You knew your shoulders could only carry so much burden, and maybe you've long past the limit of what you could tolerate.  
   
You didn't have a fancy title to plaster next to your name. Heck, humanity just probably saw you as a cold hearted bastard who wasted tax money just to throw some lives away outside the walls. You have stared death in the face more times in your life than the average person, and just to be honest, you were sick of it.  
   
(F/n) (L/n) is the flawless perfection of talent prided by the 105th Trainees Squad. The sole survivor of one of the most notorious crimes inside the walls, the epitome of what a strong person should be, a person subjected to one of the harshest elements in this dreaded life aside from the titans, the only person in the history in the walls who made it back to the walls alive with nothing but almost half a tank of gas and twisted limbs.  
   
Bullshit.  
   
You were not the Mary Sue everyone wanted you to be. You we're simply (F/n). Cadet of the Scouting Legion, surviving outside the walls not because of whatever talent everyone claims you to be, but because you were just lucky most of the time.  
   
You were a walking pile of accidents, flawed in every single way possible, bringing chaos everywhere you could have possibly went. You were never really strong to begin with, heck, you even spent two years doing some kind of rehabilitation just so you could at least get a decent hour of sleep at night without the fear of waking up inside a room where aside from a cold cage, the walls seemed to be caving in on you.  
   
Frankly speaking, you didn't really want to be in the Scouting Legion before.  
   
You joined the military because you needed a reason to feel like you were needed, not because of some noble cause to rid humanity of the constraints of the titans. You were serious in training, you really were, but deep inside you knew that the only reason you were trying so hard at training was just so you wouldn't have to be ashamed of how weak-willed you were before to even let innocent children get killed before you without much of a protest.  
   
You were nothing but a coward, riding in the glory of the coattails of your best friend's dreams. And all of a sudden, as you're staring at Erian's beat up form, tears started to collect again at the corners of your eyes. And all it took was one comforting pat at your back by Ysavelle for these dampened frustrations to start rolling down the sides of your cheeks in a sporadic rhythm.  
   
You were ashamed of yourself, ashamed of this selfless soldier you fooled yourself into believing, when you were nothing but a selfish brat.  
   
"I know what you're thinking (F/n)."  
   
A sentence snaps you out of your reverie, and you don't look to find the source because the guilt drowning you prevents you from doing so. But you didn't have to wallow in this predicament however, as hands have harshly placed itself on your cheeks, and you were forced to look at shades that were a mix of blue and grayish tones. The hold on your face is hard, burning even, strong enough that you felt like the person holding you wanted to rip your skin off.  
   
Not that you would care. At this point in time you thought anything goes.  
   
"(F/n), listen to me." Ysavelle muttered desperately, searching your eyes for something. Anything, just as long as it wasn't this look of deflated pride you were given, and more prominently, the dulled hues of yours that was a telltale sign that you have just discovered that you were the bane of the world's existence.  
   
Dull, as if you had given up on life.  
   
Ysavelle stared at the girl before her, surprised if anything, at the low chuckle that left your lips, and you clenched your hands tightly, fingers impaling the palm of your hands as you seethed, low and venomous, as if it wasn't you at all.  
   
"You don't know shit about me."  
   
"Are we really going with this?" Ysavelle asked, distress evident in the ravenette's voice.  
   
You knew very well that you should stop. Your eyes looking at the pained features of your best friend making you want to just dig your own grave and stay there forever. You were outside the safety of Wall Rose too, in other words, you're in the fallen Wall Maria that has fallen prey to the clutches of the titans. The setting alone tells you that this is not the place, and time to be acting like a kid.  
   
You knew about all these factors too, but you have snapped.  
   
No, honestly, you were broken.  
   
It wasn't much of a difference though, since you were already broken so long ago. And even if your friends and family did well in patching you up greatly until your heart is able to see whatever minuscule beauty this chaotic world held again. The scars remain, those little cracks that will never close up, and it hurts.  
   
"It's true though isn't it?" You fired back after a while, your hands painfully ripping those of Ysavelle's that were pressing by your cheeks. "You only know me from the stories. You don't know what I've been through! No one does! I'm fucking sick and tired of all of this!"  
   
"(F/n) calm d—"  
   
"No I won't!" You spat back. "Just admit it. You're all just trying to help me. I know, I respect that. But metaphorically putting yourself in my shoes to see the pain I've been through, and actually going through crap means different things! No one understands me! You know why? 'cause everyone who has a chance at knowing how I feel is fucking dead because I wasn't strong enough to save them! I'm not strong enough to save anyone!"  
   
"You were young at the time (F/n)." Ysavelle said. "There was nothing you could have done."  
   
"What about Erian then?!" You shouted, anger bubbling up your throat.  
   
"It couldn't have been helped." Your best friend murmured. "(F/n) just list—"  
   
"Go di—"  
   
A loud sound resounded in the chaos around you, Ysavelle's palm outstretched, your cheek throbbing in pain. And whatever words you said before, they came crashing down on you, regret and guilt building up in your heart as you just registered had Ysavelle not slapped you, you were about to tell the girl to go kill herself.  
   
The moment (e/c) hues met those of the ravenette's, you knew you've hurt her deeply, the tears streaking down your best friend's face proving enough evidence to the pain you have caused, Ysavelle's blue and gray tones looking at her swollen palm, the girl unconsciously biting her bottom lip shakily.  
   
Ysavelle, how could you tell her something like that?  
   
Anger makes a person say stupid things, but when you're angry, it's without a doubt that you still have control of what you can and cannot say. And in your spur of the moment kind of thing, you still chose to say such hurtful things. You were well aware of what you were saying, and that's the thing that made you want to throw up the most.  
   
"Titan's on the rear!"  
   
A voice shouted in the distance, and Ysavelle unclasped her cape, draping the shivering you with the forest green fabric before you heard the girl removing the reins of her horse that she had knotted to a part of the wooden cart you were in.  
   
"This talk is not over." Ysavelle muttered, and in a swift second, the girl mounted her horse and sped away from the cart, leaving you silently contemplating what you just said.  
   
You stayed there for a while, the clattering of items around you resounding as you heard the distant sounds of combat between the titans and your fellow brothers and sisters-in-arms. The wind picked up after a little bit, and judging from the popping sounds emanating from around you, the expedition is changing its course yet again.  
   
You gripped your best friend's cloak around you, and slowly, you grasped Erian's limp hands.  
   
"I fucked up..." You muttered to yourself, your hand finding itself gripping the auburn haired girl's hand rather tightly for comfort, and you felt a stir beside you. There was a small pressure encasing your hand, and even if it was somewhat faint, you could feel Erian grasping your hand as well.  
   
After what felt like a few more minutes, the cart you were in had rolled to an abrupt stop. And that was the only time that you looked around you, still no stone wall in sight, but you guessed you were pretty near, or at least the legion was in a relatively safer place because you couldn't hear much of the stomping sounds that came from the titans.  
   
It was a break of some sort, probably the part where the legion goes to wrap up the bodies nicely in a white cloth, only to burn the fallen later on, and to assess the blatant damage inflicted to all the flanks before continuing the last leg of the journey going home. You then tensed up as you heard voices nearing your spot, afraid that these people were coming to request for Erian to be wrapped up as well.  
   
But no one came to take your best friend away, which made you relax a little, but then someone pressed a cold cloth to your cheek, making you flinch but you dared not look up, certain that should you do so, you would see nothing but a result of your act of desolation reflected in a certain ravenette's eyes.  
   
You wanted to apologize, bow down to the ground with all your sore bones and muscles if you had to.  
   
But instead you just settled for sitting quietly, unsure what to do in this kind of situation.  
   
"I don't need your apology." A voice said, and you felt the gentle rubbing by your cheek, then the cloth would move to the gash by your arm from your earlier rouse with the titans, before the cloth is then wiping at your hands and touching all the cuts you didn't even know was there. "I'm not angry either."  
   
You only managed to nod a little, and there was nothing else spoken between you and Ysavelle, the sounds of the cloth wiping against your skin and the occasional disturbances in your breathing being the only ones being emitted by you two, while all around you both were the sounds of people going on about their respective to-do's while on this little break outside the walls.  
   
"How are they?"   
   
After a few more minutes of this silent atmosphere between you and Ysavelle, you heard another voice speak.   
   
And you flinched again, not because of the wounds that were constantly being wiped by some kind of stinging liquid, but because the new voice was more than familiar to you, and you couldn't dare to face him too.  
   
Truthfully you were scared right now, because what if you hurt Devan too? Even if Ysavelle said she was fine, and how you were relatively calm compared to what you were earlier. The girl was still pained, and you didn't trust yourself enough at the moment to think you won't snap again.  
   
"Erian should last long enough for us to get medical attention back at the walls. (F/n) just needs to rest." Ysavelle muttered, the raven haired girl pulling out a small piece of folded paper on her left breast pocket, the brown paper bulky by a side, showing that it seemed to be carrying something.  
   
And when you heard the sound of a canister being opened, you let out a hitched breath, your hand unconsciously gripping Erian's hand deadly enough that should the girl be conscious right now, she might have complained about your grip.  
   
It was like back in rehabilitation all over again.  
   
And when Ysavelle tapped the brown paper by her almost closed palm, you didn't need to look up to know that the small paper packet contained what should be two white pills. Your eyes tearing up again as you recalled those memories back in that poor excuse of a rehabilitation home back in Sina.  
   
"Wait." You heard someone say. "I'll take it from here."  
   
Ysavelle looks at Devan quizzically, but reluctantly places the pills in the beige haired boy's hands anyway. Devan then takes a deep breath, looks over to your shaking form, and the boy exhales with a sigh before throwing the pills as far as he could away from you.  
   
The ravenette in the cart abruptly stands up, and then glares at Devan who just shrugs.  
   
"What was that for?" Ysavelle said, worry evident in her form because it was specifically a request of a certain brunette squad leader to have (F/n) drink the pills to calm herself down. If she was to be honest with herself, Ysavelle was against feeding you pills because you didn't clearly need them, but the way the squad leader told her you had to take it seemed like there was no other option to reply with, aside from a salute and a 'Yes, sir!'  
   
Devan merely looks at Ysavelle for a moment, before the boy kneels down and pulls the green hood of the coat you were wearing, before ruffling your (h/c) mop.  
   
"No one is going to feed you that shit." Devan muttered, quickly pulling you into a hug to calm the still unsettled you.  
   
It takes a couple more minutes for you to ease into the hug, your subtle sobs being reduced to sniffles, silent thank you's pouring out of your being as Devan just heaves another sigh out of system when you finally drifted into fitful sleep from exhaustion.  
   
There's an announcement that rings in the air, saying there will be twenty minutes more before the legion resumes the journey back to safety, and now your head is resting on Ysavelle's lap, the girl softly combing your hair with her alabaster hued hands, a hum leaving her lips as she stared down at you peacefully sleeping form, your hand still gripping that of Erian's.  
   
"So, mind telling me what that was?" Ysavelle asked, referring to the beige haired boy who was tending to Erian's wounds.  
   
Devan looks up from plastering the final bandage to Erian's upper arm, and the boy makes his way to sit down in a space beside you and the ravenette who was caressing your head gently. A few beats of silence passed between your two best friends, and when Devan opens his mouth to speak, it's not to answer the ravenette's question, but rather, to ask about something else.  
   
"What happened between you two first?" Devan asked, looking at Ysavelle's eyes before brinigng his sights back to your form, his brown eyes picking up the little twitch your face was giving. And the boy could only hope you weren't having a nightmare this time of the day.  
   
A cool breeze blows by, and Ysavelle just sighs before responding to what was asked of her.  
   
"I believe it was a mental breakdown." The girl began. "(F/n) suddenly lost herself. She was calm one minute, and the next she's shouting about no one understanding her. I... I snapped her out of it by slapping her. And let me tell you, I feel like shit after doing that. It pissed me off, not because she said hurtful things, but because she was hurting herself with those words."  
   
Devan stared at the ravenette thoughtfully, and after a couple of seconds, the boy broke the awful silence settling between them.  
   
"(F/n)..." Devan muttered. "Do you know what she meant when she said she wanted to see what's beyond the walls?"  
   
Ysavelle furrows her eyebrows for a moment, and the girl looks up at the sky, the endless hue of colors splayed about a canvas littered with white blotches of clouds and a natural baby blue making itself a reflection against those bluish gray orbs.  
   
"Isn't it to see the outside world? A limitless sky." Ysavelle responded, and Devan lets a smile etch itself on his lips as he looks up at well.  
   
"That's what Erian and I thought so too."  
   
"What do you mean?"  
   
Your two best friends bring their sights back to each other, and Devan clears his throat, deep in thought, but the boy probably already had the answer right then and there. "That could mean one thing." Devan muttered. "(F/n) was always fond of the outside world, who wouldn't honestly? There's so many things out there that we are entitled to, but might not even see for the rest of our lives."  
   
"What are the other things then?" Ysavelle inquired, her hands stopping from the ministrations of gentle rubbing against your head, though the girl's fingers have settled in the forest of your (h/c) strands, gently intertwining and releasing her fingers in a lock of your hair.  
   
"Think about it." Devan muttered, allowing Ysavelle to think for a moment.  
   
"It was the basement walls wasn't it?" Ysavelle said, eyeing you sadly as you breathed in gentle intervals. "(F/n) just wanted to see beyond the walls where she was being kept at during the time of the massacres."  
   
"That, and the rehabilitation center too." Devan said, his brown orbs showing a glint of guilt and anger as he decided to indulge Ysavelle with a detailed account for what you were subjected to when you were in the rehabilitation center to get rid of your trauma.  
   
You were brought to your family home after being in military custody for a few days, and not even a week in the confines of your home, your nightmares began, you claiming that the moment you do so much as close your eyes, you relive the very moment you were locked up in the basement watching limbs being detached from your very eyes.  
   
In an attempt to soothe you and help you recover, your mother and father came to a decision to consult a village doctor , which in turn suggested you be turned into a rehabilitation center for what they said was troubled children.  
   
Honestly, your parents were not too welcoming to the idea, much more so since you will basically be locked inside that house for as long as you are in recovery. But the doctor seemed convincing enough, and a couple more nights of you crying yourself to sleep in the arms of your parents caused the adults to agree to place you in rehab for the sake of your future betterment.  
   
The pay was expensive, but then for your recovery your parents were willing to spend anything.  
   
Except the moment you were admitted to the place, there was something eerie about it that you didn’t like.  
   
You pleaded with your parents to bring you back home the moment you stepped into the dank entrance, the floorboards creaking under your slipper clad feet as you heard a barrage of shouts and horrid thumps from different directions, sounds that the woman who worked at the house mentioned as the children playing around.  
   
But even Devan and Erian didn’t like the place with just one look, your two friends at the time, tagging along to bid you a temporary farewell because apparently the patients in the rehabilitation center were not allowed to have guests to further improve the speed of their recovery. Letters were to be sent weekly though, a report of sorts, to let family members know how their sons and daughters were doing.  
   
Despite the pleads you gave, you were forced to stay, a kind lady pulling you away from the then shut front door, leading you up to a room on the highest floor at the end of the hallway, a room somewhat bigger than your own, the windows barred—for protection they said— and the room covered in wallpaper that was already ripped on some parts, showing the gray concrete from beneath.  
   
The first night, you cried yourself to sleep, a new hire, a kind nurse of some sort who you actually grew a liking to, seeing to it that you were okay.  
   
And the first month was fine, you still needing the comfort of someone to accompany you into one of the rooms the rehabilitation home gave you as your temporary bedroom for the duration of your stay. But the nurse was always there for you, singing you lullabies until you sleep, or even staying up until early in the morning just so you'll feel safe.  
   
The second month that came around, the nurse started to become less concerned about you, and things just became worse then, when on the fourth month of your stay, the nurse suddenly shoves a mixture of pills on your throat, knocking you out with the slight overdose.  
   
And the third month, you crept down the hallways at night, finally able to escape your stuffy room as you wanted to look for some people your age to talk to.  
   
You came by a room quickly, the one beside you, and as you slowly opened the door to take a peek inside, you saw a child strapped to a bed, struggling, blood pooling on the corners of her mouth as a cloth was tied tight around the vocal organ. And then you felt a shiver run down your spine as the child’s eyes met you.  
   
Bloodshot hues of blue took the concentration of your (e/c) ones for a moment, and then a shrill laugh echoed through the little room, a smile directed towards you, that did nothing but make you fall back and run to your room as if you were being chased.  
   
After that incident, you never left your room again.  
   
But your little sneaking didn’t go by unnoticed, and so your were forced to stay in your room, your shouting from the terror dreams at night earning you nothing but a few pills shoved down your throat and you waking up without a sense of time the next.  
   
You didn’t know how long you stayed there, months probably, and you broke out of the house during one silent dusk, your legs barely able to take you back onto Devan and Erian’s shared basement home before you collapsed, giving the hazel eyed girl, and the brown eyed boy a stinging panic at the sight of your spent up form.  
   
Things became a blur after then, and the moment you were given a check-up by your mother’s friend who happened to be a doctor, your father angrily demanded an investigation of the rehabilitation center you were place in.  
   
But when the Military Police broke into the home, there was no one there save for a few more children lost into the throes of daydreams.  
   
And later, it was known that the rehabilitation center was truthfully an insane asylum, the mode of operation being to acquire a large sum of money under the pretense of helping innocent children spiral down a staircase to insanity.  
   
It was silent when Devan finished the story, and Ysavelle couldn’t bare but want to wake you up and just comfort you for all the terrible things you’ve been through. But the girl knew how sleep was a treasure in your daily schedule, and so she stays silent, her hand gently buried in your locks of (h/c).  
   
But you didn’t need to be woken up though, seeing as you started to stir, your eyebrows scrunching itself again before you opened your eyes quickly, (e/c) orbs giving the area before you a quick scan until your sights landed on Devan’s rather solemn look.  
   
“Dev?” You found yourself asking, and the boy stares down at you.  
   
“I didn’t know squad leaders could sleep on the job.” He muttered with a smirk, and you were about to protest while getting up, but Ysavelle held you down by the forehead.  
   
“You should rest some more (F/n).” Ysavelle said, and you found yourself frowning at the girl because you didn’t like how you acted towards her a while back.  
   
“Ysa… listen I—”  
   
“It’s alright.”  
   
“But…”  
   
“You were right, I can’t even begin to understand what you’ve gone through.”  
   
“No I—”  
   
“But you’re still my best friend okay? I’d get pretty pissed off if you’ll just throw your life away like that.”  
   
You silenced yourself, biting your bottom lip as Ysavelle smiled down on you, her eyes still holding that painful aura inside them, but it looked a little more different than it was before.  
   
In the distance, someone called for the last five minutes of the break, and Devan stands up only before pinching you nose which you scowled at. It was a warning actually, and one you knew well. Devan would always do this to you, give you a hard pinch on the bridge of your nose, which in his words, meant something along the lines of try-something-like-that-one-more-time-and-I’ll-be-the-one-to-kill-you.  
   
He was joking of course, but you knew very well how Devan hated it when you saw your life as nothing important compared to the others.  
   
Ysavelle stayed behind to keep watch of you, the last few minutes of the break outside giving you a small space of peace, you asking Ysavelle about the still unconscious girl beside you as the ravenette just kept reassuring you that Erian is going to make it back to the walls, and survive.  
   
A little ways away from your group, there’s a group of boys staring at the cart that contained your form. Honestly, if they didn’t have to be so busy handling their own squads, they might have just checked up on you, seeing as you were brought back to formation a little too unconscious for their liking.  
   
“So, when are you guys going to tell her?” A girl said amusedly, her dark hair tied into a low ponytail as she slings an arm over a petite blond who has just finished refilling her gas.  
   
“W-what?!” Some of the boys shouted, and Ymir only smirks in response as she pointed to where you were before speaking again.  
   
“Don’t play dumb. You know what I mean.”  
   
“It’s… not that easy.” Armin said, the boy training his blue hues down to the folds of his cloak with the way it hung from his shoulders. “Erian is also in critical condition, (F/n)’s attention is going to focus on that fact.”  
   
Ymir gives a sigh after that. “Well, whatever you guys want I guess.” She muttered. “But hey, (F/n) is a little on the sensitive side right now. Y’know what they say about sensitive girl’s falling in love with the person nearest to them or some shit.”  
   
“Ymir!” Krista said, giving a small glare to the freckled girl, but Ymir just shrugged before walking away, to check up on her squad probably, Krista following suit to give the girl an earful.  
   
And the boys were left there dumbstruck, a certain corporal eyeing the group before he calls for his respective squad members to mount their horses and resume position.  
   
“I’m doing it.” Jean muttered to himself, earning a glare from a certain teal eyed boy.  
   
“What?” Eren said.  
   
“I’m telling her.” Jean said louder this time, and the boys just give him an incredulous look before trudging behind their captain as a flare gun is shot at the sky.  
   
It wasn’t just Jean though.  
   
Actually, it was a while back, but two weeks before this expedition was set to commence, the boys have already made up their minds. A simple promise, that if they survive, they would tell you how they felt about you. But the only problem was how they would do it.  
   
And if they do tell you.  
   
What kind of answer would you give?


	35. To A Twisted Repetition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4 chapters to go before the endings!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this, and feedback is appreciated as always ///w///

The 64th expedition beyond the walls enacted by the Scouting Legion, headed by the faction's 13th Commander, Erwin Smith, concluded with a tally of twenty four casualties from the previously affiliated members of the 105th Trainees Squad, four of which, are in critical condition and is currently battling with life as we speak. As for the casualties with the long-standing members of the faction, there were a total of seventeen, and minor injuries and sprains were accounted for.

The death toll reached about thirty seven people, a considerably better number than that of the last expedition. Losses with some supplies were inevitable, as per usual, and the snide remarks and thoughtless complaints by the townsfolk upon the return of the battered soldiers did nothing but further plunge the surviving members into a fit of wisely concealed anger and depression.  
   
You allowed your mind to rewind into the past that happened not more than two hours ago, in which there were little snippets you heard earlier from some soldiers, the numbers spilling from their lips and the faint but still audible proud tones in their voices allowing you to put two and two together, to realize the couple hundred numbers you've been hearing about were related to the successful killings of some aberrant titans. An amazing feat, but if only everyone wasn't too distracted by the piling of bodies in a cart, then maybe the feel of some kind of victory might have been prominent.  
   
And at the time, you were in the midst of begging for Ysavelle to let you ride a horse, the girl not exactly finding the idea favorable, but you were able to get your feelings across to the ravenette before the faction decided to embark for the last half of their journey home.  
   
It was never like you to just sit around a cart when you were fully capable anyway. And the girl with the auburn strands, honestly, you needed to get away from Erian. Otherwise, you would lose yourself more, for the girl was like a constant reminder of your failure. And though Ysavelle had already given you some kind of crash course about the woes of self-degradation, you just couldn't let it go.  
   
Admittedly, you were the only person responsible for Erian’s current condition, and no matter how hard you try to coat the results with acts of heroism and talks of ‘she’s going to be fine’, you just couldn't handle staring at the limp figure, afraid that should you let go of the wrist that contained the gentle pulse, the beating would stop.  
   
If you would be left to sit in a cart with nothing to do for an hour or so, with only the company of guilt and disquietude, you would honestly felt like you were being subjected to excruciating tortures. And to be honest, you were no stranger to those kinds of things. You and torture probably go a long way back, the best of friends too if someone had to call the close-knit relationship you had with the practice.  
   
But to see Erian like this, you just knew that what you were feeling now was more overwhelming than having to forcefully watch the ritualistic painting of white walls red, your ears becoming long accustomed to a melody of screams and pleads that all ended with a thud and a laugh whose every dip of tone you have memorized.  
   
One way or another you know it won’t be long before you just start laughing as you break down further. And so to bring this painful spiral of anxiety to a quick stop, you had to do something, immerse yourself in a world of distractions if you may. Just do anything at all, so you wouldn't have to think about the girl who might die if medical attention is not properly given soon.  
   
So after another more round of quick reasoning and subtle pleading, the girl with the bluish-gray orbs just pinched the bridge of her nose with a thumb and a forefinger, a defeated agreement passing her lips as she disliked the fact that you took advantage of the limited time to speak, and then she told you that you could probably go back to the Repression Squad, seeing as that squad has reassembled in order to become an effective team to scout the ends of the formation for possible disruptions.  
   
And that’s how you ended back up retaking your position as a squad leader, Ysavelle giving you access to her steed as she was tasked to look over Erian.  
   
As you reunited with your squad, there were the usual cheery greetings to boost your morale, and after small conversation, you settled for eyeing a girl of light blond hair tied into a high ponytail, the indifferent look in those cerulean blue orbs with flecks of a lighter tone of blue, giving you a silent greeting as you gave a nod to acknowledge the girl who you assumed was able to lead her squad members to safety, after knocking you out.  
   
Aria bluntly mentioned she would not apologize for whatever she did, and you waved it off with a thank you before a green flare was shot to alert all the soldiers, squads going back to their respective positions in the Long-Range Scouting Formation as the remaining part of the Scouting Legion's trip to the walls has begun.  
   
And this bring us to the current situation, with you silently trudging your borrowed horse in a sea of forest green, deflated pride and mournful countenance being the only things you can actually see through the hunched backs of tired and stressed soldiers, your ears processing nothing but wounding calls about the cowardice that your faction was definitely not, the spent tax money, the cries for the deceased, the angry bickering from the masses who probably thought the soldiers before them did not just go to hell and back.  
   
For now there is a solemn mood between you and your squad, and you could not even begin to explain your thankfulness that this time around, The Repression Squad was able to return without loses. There was Erian of course, but you push the thought of the auburn haired girl to an isolated storage room in the back of your mind.  
   
You didn’t need to cry, maybe later, when you’re in the comfort of your private quarters, just not here.  
   
Not in front of these people who held to the idea of the Scouting Legion as if you were all heartless bastards. Not in front of the children who still regarded your group with sets of bright eyes sparkling as if the stars were held in those orbs. And specially, you couldn't afford to let a tear drop when there were still handfuls of standing in the sidelines, quietly watching by with a sense of respect, people who still supported the Survey Corps—people who were able to see past the general statements of wasting money and lives.  
   
As you trudged along the noisy pathways that seemed to never cease the further the commander led you down the streets, your squad remains a silent bunch, everyone just wanting no more than to pass out on the hard mattress of their beds inside headquarters, pairs of ears long tired of hearing people talk as if they knew about the hazardous threats titan territories were never without.  
   
Devan was riding quietly beside you, the boy glancing every now and then at your form to assess your well-being. And you just remembered the beige haired boy stubbornly steering his horse to your group the moment the faction had gotten past the gates that separated the battlefield from the domestic domains.  
   
You tried to get your best friend back to his squad way in the back, but just to probably to annoy you or something, Devan only gave you more of his calculative stares that you met with slight glares of your own. And begrudgingly, knowing the boy could very well best you in being stubborn, you were left to just allow him to continue to tag along with your group for lack of more energy to put up a fight.  
   
The slight uneven strides of the horse you were riding a few minutes later down the streets, made guilt pool further in your stomach as you contemplated how overworked the specific horses bred for expeditions were. Honestly, you wouldn't mind stepping down and relieving the burden of the animal, but then Devan would stare at you as if he knew what you were thinking of, and after your (e/c) hues are held by his brown ones, he advises you to just hang on for a little while longer.  
   
People were still chatting about their mantra of hatred, the road seemingly never ending as you recalled that when you left earlier in the day from headquarters, it took about an hour or so before you reached the gates. And to know that you would spend even another minute in this chaotic setting wasn't something you were finding appealing.  
   
Amidst the racket around you, a little bit to the right side of the street, you were able to see a figure in the alleyway, thanks to the slight elevation you had since you were riding a horse.  
   
You stopped in your tracks to discern the figure in the shadows, Devan quickly searching the crowds for whatever caught your attention, but he couldn't find anything at all.  
   
“(F/n)?” Kent muttered from behind you, but your only response was to squint your eyes slightly at that dank alleyway.  
   
If you looked close enough, there was no mistaking that you were seeing the figure of a little girl, her tresses colored a dark shade of brown still a tad unkempt, eyes the color of a paler shade of brown catching your (e/c) hues in an instant before she was gone, tattered clothes and all, with a flimsy cardigan draped across her shoulders as a new addition to the attire you saw when you first met her during your struggle to find home when you were left in a marketplace that was a ten minute ride or so away from base.  
   
You saw a glint of disappointment in the girl’s face before she was swallowed by the shadows, and if your heart hadn't already plummeted to the ground, then now you were sure the beating device was plastered against the dirt path and being mercilessly trampled on.  
   
The girl, you remembered, told you about wanting to be a member of the military when she was eligible enough to apply. You guessed maybe the girl had changed her mind after all, and though you didn’t have solid proof to say the girl would choose a different profession, her eyes said it all, those eyes that screamed realization that maybe the military wasn't exactly as desirable as she initially thought so.  
   
And though she had disappeared from the throng under-appreciative people minutes ago, you were still rooted to that spot in the middle of the street, Rinni’s hand on your shoulder bringing your ears back to concentrate on words that tempted you to draw your blades out had you only got the strength to do so.  
   
“(F/n), let’s go?” Rinni muttered with a small smile.  
   
“Sorry, I thought I saw someone.” You responded quickly, you ushering your horse to catch up with the rest of the slowly moving group of soldiers, your palms sweating profusely from a wide variety of things you’d rather not delve into right now.  
   
“Is it a friend?” Leanah inquired, and you face the girl with a smile that didn’t seem all too happy as you opened your mouth to speak.  
   
“I… don’t really know.”  
   
It was silent again for a moment, with the crowds dispersing the nearer you got to base. And the moment you could see the familiar structure constructed of stone, you were able to let out a sigh of relief.  
   
Sometime along the last ten minutes of your journey back to your second home (otherwise known as the Survey Corps HQ), some of your squad members decided to replace the heavy atmosphere around the group with small banter and light conversations, the useless side comments and remarks of angry civilians long gone a couple streets back.  
   
And regarding the chatter, Devan would join in sometimes, though mostly he was being dragged into the conversation instead of being the one to join in, and Aria was the same as well.  
   
You on the other hand, was not dragged into any sort of conversation, not that you didn’t mind because you didn’t take part of any of the talk as well. It was enough for you to hear the laughter of your friends, their breathing even more so, because with every cycle of inhale and exhale, you were being reminded that these people were alive. And you intended for them to stay that way.  
   
But no matter how soothed you were, you were still overly depressed by everything in general.  
   
The first expedition should have prepped you enough for this brand of emotional rush—no, just joining the military should have trained you well enough with this, yet here you are feeling the worst you've been since the 63rd expedition when you exclusively saw to the downfall of two important friends and comrades. And before you thought Instructor Keith Shadis’ derogatory insults were the worst you’d come across with.  
   
If you could do the cliche travelling back to time notion, then you would have given yourself a pat on the back after relentless running during the first day of training. And then you’d proceed to telling yourself to savor the ache in your legs and arms because the future held an aching in the heart that was much, much worse than any punishment that could be inflicted to you when you were still a trainee of the 105th.  
   
It wasn't that long when your group had made it to the stables just a little off to the side of the stone castle, the place crowded with other soldiers bidding farewells or taking care of the animals that played a great role in ensuring their safety outside the walls. After all, you wouldn't last long outside the walls even if your maneuver gear never ran out of gas.  
   
It was just the blatant truth, and even you had to admit that if Iris wasn't there to help you return to Rose after being left out on the 63rd expedition, you wouldn't have considered getting out of The Forest Of Giant Trees, simply because you’d be a goner the moment you make it to the plains.  
   
In a languid manner, you got down from Ysavelle’s horse that she had let you use since yours was… well, probably running free outside the walls or dead even, and you frowned at the thought because even if it was just a simple plant, the importance of life wouldn't change.  
   
“You must be exhausted, huh?” You asked the horse before you as you unstrapped the flare pack and saddle before you ran your hands absentmindedly over the rough mane of the mare.  
   
You didn’t know how long you were doing this, just you petting the horse without much of a thought as you held onto the saddle and flare pack with the other hand. You guessed you've been in this state for quite a good amount of time though, as you saw Devan bringing a bucket of water near you, his horse already tucked away on one of the stalls and eating a much deserved meal.  
   
The beige haired boy held the bucket up a bit, and it only took a few seconds before the horse you were petting proceeded to drink from the bucket. Your eyes then traveled from the now presentable mane you were combing through, to a little ways behind Devan, where you saw the wooden carts, one carrying cargo of cloth covered once-comrades making you bite your bottom lip harshly.  
   
To stop yourself from feeling any worse, you averted your eyes quickly from the disturbing sight and you settled for eyeing Devan who was concentrated on feeding the horse.  
   
“I can do it.” You gestured, grabbing a hold of the bottom of the bucket, but your best friend just shook his head no.  
   
“They brought Erian to the medical wing.” Devan muttered tersely, and you responded with a slight squeeze of the metal container you still refused to let go of. “You should go visit her.”  
   
You took a gulp of air, your hands leaving the bucket only for you to grip on the saddle and flare pack tightly with both hands. To be honest, you’d want nothing more than to see the auburn haired girl. But if you were going to do so, you wanted to see Erian alive at least, because if you were only met with the sight of your best friend sleeping, you might not want to leave the room the girl is being kept in until she’s fully recovered.  
   
Screw sleeping pills, if you had to, you wouldn't eat or drink anything just as long as it ensured you’ll be able to keep track of your best friend’s recovery.  
   
“I’ll… be returning this.” You muttered, avoiding eye contact with Devan as you completely ignored his suggestion.  
   
But even with Devan knowing about your attempts to shoulder the blame on your own, the boy just nods at you for lack of any thought to cheer you up. “Okay.” He muttered, and you give a curt nod before walking away to the direction of the castle.  
   
As your feet trudged on, you responded with small smiles to some people who were thoughtful enough to send you small smiles and reassurances for the safety of Erian who they said was being tended to at the very moment. And though you gave out little greetings back and expressions of being composed and okay, everyone knew that being ‘okay’ was the last thing you could be described as.  
   
But they let you go on with this little act of yours, your comrades respecting your decisions and just hoping you’ll be fine and that you know how to genuinely handle yourself.  
   
You haven’t even gone a few steps into the castle when some people passed by you, these people already rid of their straps and gear, along with the green cloak carrying the emblem of freedom the faction represents. And then this small group of people, composed of two of each gender, took notice of you and the items in your hands as you passed them by.  
   
“(F/n)!” One of the girls said loudly, causing you to turn around with a questioning look.  
   
“Vien.” You muttered, the girl giving you a smile as she strode over to you, her group of friends tagging along.  
   
“I can go drop these off for ya, if you want!” The girl exclaims, and despite the last words of her sentence being some form of question to ask you if you wanted her to deposit the saddle and flare pack to the storage room, the girl didn’t leave any room for you to answer as she already had the things in her hands without a moment’s notice.  
   
“I…” You began, but one of the boys behind her spoke up.  
   
“You don’t look too good (F/n).” The boy muttered, albeit a little shyly as you two had never spoken much. “You should rest or something, our superiors from the 104th are openly worried for you.”  
   
“I’m fine.” You responded, but Vien, the girl who was talking to you before, saw through your obvious lie as he tossed the saddle and flare pack unceremoniously to the people behind her, her friends catching the items before damage was done, and then the girl with the raven hair turns you around and starts pushing you up the staircase.  
   
“We’re all worried. Go do us a damn favor and stop the lies.” Vien says with a groan to mirror the desperation she was feeling, and then as soon as you reach about the seventh step going up, the girl stops pushing you. “Go visit Erian too, I’m not implying anything, but you should visit her before things could go worse.”  
   
You form your hands into fists, your knuckles turning a shade paler than your (s/c) skin, and the girl with the amber eyes almost wanted to run away from the silence you were giving, except after a moment or so, you let yourself relax, your hands uncurling themselves before you heave out a sigh, willing the problems to be expelled from your body with the exhales you were doing.  
   
“I will.” You reply without turning back, and you trudge up the stairs on your own, leaving the girl to sigh herself as she hopped down the stairs to reunite with her friends, their conversations filling the hallways again as they headed for the storage room on the ground level where most of the supplies intended for use during expeditions are being stored.  
   
Now with nothing left to distract you, you walked by the hallways with a heavy heart before you stopped at Ysavelle’s room to return the cloak of hers that still hung snug by your shoulders. The door let out a small creak, and as expected, the ravenette was not inside as she was probably by Erian’s side right now.  
   
Your footsteps echoed in the empty room, the bedding fixed neatly, though not in a manner that was meticulous. It’s hard to explain honestly, Ysavelle’s way of making the bed in the morning borderline on neat but at the same time not kind of thing.  
   
Deciding not to dwell in any further on someone else’s room (not that Ysavelle would mind, but you just had this strong respect for people’s private spaces), you unclasped the forest green fabric comfortably hugging your shoulders up to your waist, and then you folded the cloak as carefully as possible, your eyes wandering down to a small blotch of red that you decided you’d ignore as you set the folded item on top of the nightstand by the bed.  
   
You felt a little out of it today, your feet aimlessly walking around until you finally made it back to your room.  
   
You opened your bedroom and took in the familiar setting, the place left exactly as your mind remembers it. There was nothing amiss, your unkempt bed still taking in the same creases you left it in, with the blankets all bundled up on one side, and your pillow laying near the headboard in a slightly slanted angle. Your windows were closed, none of your drawers opened too, and as you took the time to get rid of the 3DMG straps uncomfortably clinging to your form, you came upon a great idea to relieve your stress.  
   
You took to the drawers, pulling out the first thing you could grab, which was a thick and plain long-sleeved nightgown reaching a few inches above your ankles, the only design on the (color) fabric, if you could call it a design, being the low collar it had, and the two buttons evenly spaced a couple of centimeters apart, placed where the collar meets at the front of the attire. And you guessed the purpose of the two buttons was probably so that you could have the leisure to loosen the pressure by your neck from the collar should you feel stuffy.  
   
Without wasting any more time, you grabbed a some of the necessities you’d need, plus your towel, before you walked in a hurried manner across the hallways to go to the communal female bathing area about two left turns of a hallway away.  
   
Once inside of the room, you quickly undressed and got inside a stall, the shower head basking you in cold water that made you shiver, and yet you didn’t move away from the cold, your arms now outstretched before you, with your hands plastered to the cement walls in front of you, the uncomfortable temperature of the water becoming something you were getting accustomed to as you just stood there in silence, your eyes trained onto the floor.  
   
You did not know how you were able to let this show, but you were late to register that the water falling down your cheeks were composed of half part water and half part tears, the little droplets falling by your chin before creating a minuscule splash on the damp shower stall floor.  
   
You just stood there silently letting your emotions out, a part of your wanting to relieve all your anguish by a couple punches to the walls, but then you didn’t want an earful of scolding from a long list of people, so you just settled for occasionally clenching and unclenching your hands. And then some time along the minutes of being comforted by the water pouring from the top of your head, you finally decided to take a proper bath, before drying yourself up and dressing up, to which you left the first button by the collar open as you proceeded to gather your belongings and head back to your room to deposit the laundry and hang your towel to dry.  
   
Dinner time rolled around the moment you had finished combing your hair that went unruly in the showers, and judging from the way the sky bled colors of purple and deep blue in the distance, you guessed you were in the baths for a good hour or two, your face forming into a small frown as you looked at your hands, the skin turned prune due to your overexposure to the water.  
   
But it would go away soon, and so you decided to not dwell on such trivial things.  
   
You decided a visit to Erian would be appropriate soon, but when you were about to open the door to your bedroom, someone else opened it for you in a swift manner, your eyes meeting with a shade of worried brown orbs before you were taken by the wrist and dragged down the staircase and into the bustling mess hall.  
   
“Dev?” You asked, the boy in front of you just giving you a hum as if was the answer to the confusion you held upon being pushed into the mess hall.  
   
“Ah, (F/n), you’re here.” A voice quips, a cheery tone mixed with seriousness in it, and you didn’t have to spend more than a second more to know that the sentence came from a particular squad leader who was standing on a table where most of the 104th (who you were friends with), was crowding about.  
   
You stood there by the entrance to the mess hall, and you probably would have stood there until the next day had Devan not pulled you again until you were standing near Hanji.  
   
“What…?” You muttered, and then you eyed some papers splayed on the table near where Hanji had her palms pressed flat on the wooden surface. There were a few handwritten documents contained in a cream colored folder, and you couldn't help but want to read them, though Hanji saved you the trouble when she summarized the whole thing for you in a short sentence.  
   
“We’re going to Sina tonight.”  
   
“What?” You said, an eyebrow raised in confusion. “But we just came back fr—”  
   
“Oh, no, I said that wrong.” The squad leader cut you off, her features clearly distressed and you could not understand why. “By we, I meant, Erwin, me, Levi, Jean, Connie, Sasha, Eren… you get the rest.” The woman said.  
   
“I don’t understand?” You muttered, and Hanji lets out a groan before she grabbed you by the shoulders.  
   
“The military police received a note, I’m sure I don’t need to tell you who sent it.” Hanji began. “It appears the note implies another incident like that on 845 to happen again, and no, it’s not about any kind of breach to the walls. Sina is in a state of panic, and we were called to help search for the culprit while nothing’s happened yet.”  
   
You just stood there, a weird feeling in your gut as your hand shakily grasped onto Hanji’s sleeves. “Don’t go.” You said, your voice coming out more desperate than you would have liked. “It could be a trap, or a joke… what if he’s just scaring you? At least let me come along.”  
   
“You have to stay here with Erian, she needs all the support she can get.” Erwin interjects, the man standing on the other side of the table, his eyes studying yours for the brief moment you met (e/c)s with blues.  
   
You settled for giving Hanji a desperate look, something just doesn’t add up here, and you’re afraid of what might befall your friends. Your friends were a force to be reckoned with, and you knew each could handle his or herself well enough in the face of trouble. But the expedition that ended just hours ago exhausted everyone, even the professional and veteran members you’re sure.  
   
And the man Hanji and the others opted to chase was cunning, and intellectual though deranged. You spent two years with the guy to know the danger the guy posed, and for one thing why would he announce his scheme for the whole of Sina to know, when it will earn him nothing but better security he’ll never stand a chance to break into?  
   
“Th-there’s something more to this, I swear.” You mumbled. “It’s some kind of plan, he’s planning to do something to you guys, and why would he even leave a note to the Mi—”  
   
“You’re over thinking into stuff (F/n).” Hanji lets out a breathy laugh, one that you scowled at for this is no laughing matter. “You need to rest.”  
   
“No, you don’t understand he—” You tried again, but you were cut off with a humorless look from the squad leader, the hidden meaning in those russet hues simply telling you to respect the decision made.  
   
The brunette woman then squeezed your shoulders for comfort before she let go, your grip on her slipping away before she excused herself, folders tucked into her arm and waist before she instructs the group to be ready as soon as possible, because the case is of high priority, and the casualties would be devastating should the man be successful in his plans.  
   
Erwin and Levi followed suit, the commander giving you a knowing look before walking off, and Levi walking over to you just to tell you things will be fine before the man walks away to prepare for the unexpected quest. After a few minutes, Devan excused himself with a cuss and an apology, saying he forgot he had some papers to pass around and that he would be back soon.  
   
So now you were left with the members of the 104th, the girls giving you reassuring words, hugs and pats before they left for the stables, Krista telling you to not worry and just take care of yourself before she leaves and ensures that no one but you and the boys of the 104th were to remain in the room, with you staring at the group of boys with the most hurtful look in your (e/c) hues that they have ever seen before.  
   
And honestly, if they could just hug you right then and there, they wouldn’t let you go.  
   
“Armin, you know about it right? There must be something wrong.” You began, but the boys gave you the same kind of look Hanji gave you a while ago, the one that also subtly held a look implying these actions were for your own sake, which you didn’t want at all because you’d rather have your friends safe with you than any other circumstance ending in bloodshed.  
   
“It’s alright (F/n), we’ll be fine.” Connie said with a grin as he ruffled with your hair for a bit before stepping back to admire the slight tousle of your hair.  
   
“It’s just…” You started.  
   
“Trust us (F/n).” Another boy mentioned, and you looked to your side to see Eren smiling at you warmly, those teal colored orbs giving you a small comfort as you looked down on your feet.  
   
“I do trust you guys.” You muttered, a small tint appearing on your cheeks.  
   
And had you taken the time to look up then, you might have noticed a similar red hue settling in the boys’ faces. It went on a little like that, a comforting silence coming to envelope your group temporarily before a clearing of the throat was heard, and you looked up again to stare at a boy with two-tones of hair, the upper half an ashy brown hue, the bottom undercut a rather dark brown.  
   
“When this is all over, I… no, we’re going to tell you something.” Jean said, and you could only blink in confusion, wanting more clarification, and you couldn't notice the slight glares some of the boys were giving the boy who just spoke. Jean just glares back at them in response.  
   
“Can’t you guys tell me now then?” You asked.  
   
“It’s hard to explain…” Armin said, that nervous smile on his face causing you to replace the confusion with terrible curiosity.  
   
“It’s okay, maybe I can understand if you guys—” You began, but then as luck would have it, a call from the corporal somewhere outside the mess hall caused the boys to stiffen up.  
   
“I-I think we should go.” Bertholdt said apologetically, making you bite your bottom lip before a hand comes up to pat you on the head, Reiner giving you one of his signature smirks.  
   
“It’s going to stress you probably.” The blond mentioned, making you eye him silently, as if to wordlessly urge him on to tell you some more details. And Reiner decided to indulge your curiosity a little more, except what he said next, did nothing than to further confuse you. “It’s a hint, about the thing Jean said we’re going to tell you.”  
   
And with that the boy leaves, Bertholdt giving you a reassuring smile before he leaves as well, and soon you were the receiver of some awkward hair ruffling and the kind of action where you thought for sure you were going to get hugged but then it ends up with an awkward shoulder squeeze instead.  
   
“We’ll be fine (F/n)!” Armin reassured you once again, a determined look in those sea blue eyes before he leaves you on your own inside the mess hall, some cadets filling the empty spaces later on when they were finally able to convince themselves enough to eat a filling dinner after a tired day.  
   
And with the sound of neighing horses and the taps of hooves on the ground fading by every passing second, you forced yourself to go to the kitchen to grab a tray of food, except instead of seating yourself on a table to enjoy the meal, you carried the tray up the staircase and headed for the direction of the part of the castle where you knew the injured were being taken care of.  
   
You had to do a little asking around to know where Erian’s room was though, information about the auburn’s whereabouts a clean slate for you and the only thing you knew through bits and pieces of conversation, was that the people classified as being in ‘critical condition’ would be given separate rooms so as to ensure that there would be as less of a disturbance as possible.  
   
You were now standing in front of the wooden door, no sound coming from the inside and you found your hands unconsciously gripping the tray you held a little more tightly. You just stood there, thinking about how you could run away right now and just visit tomorrow, but then unfortunately for you, your plans to escape were put to a halt when a hand pushed the door before you open, Devan standing by you panting slightly from his errand you presume.  
   
“Well, aren't you going inside?” The boy said, and you only huffed in reply before walking inside to see Ysavelle sitting on a chair by the bedside, Erian sitting up with her back against the headboard, her face still a deadly pale but at least she was awake right now.  
   
The two seemed to be in mid conversation, but both didn’t mind their talk coming to a stop the moment they saw you and Devan by the doorway, you reluctantly stepping inside as you held the tray a little higher.  
   
“I figured you needed to eat.” You mumbled, and Erian just smiles at you before beckoning you over.  
   
“Let me guess, you didn’t eat though, did you?” Erian said with a small laugh that made her wince, causing to you almost drop the tray and rush to whatever aid she needed, but the auburn haired girl just waved a hand back and forth to reassure you she was fine. “I keep forgetting I have a hole in my stomach.” The girl muttered jokingly, but you only felt dread consume you. “I’m okay, really.” Erian hurriedly said to console you, and then she pats the side of the bed near her left, to which you willingly take a seat on.  
   
The rest of the evening continued like that, and it was pretty late in the night when you forced Erian to go to bed and not stay up.  
   
The girl of course, pleaded to you with her hazel eyes, but one more wince from your features at an abrupt movement caused you to almost have a panic attack, leaving Erian no choice but to calm you down by her slipping under the cool blankets slowly, head fit snugly to the back of her head, a smile on her face to match the frown your were giving her.  
   
“I can’t sleep though.” Erian muttered. “I've been sleeping almost the whole day.”  
   
“You do that all the time though.” Devan retorts, earning him an eye roll from the auburn haired girl.  
   
“Shut up Dev, I can pretty much still kick your stuff and I don’t care even if I bleed to death just to do that.” Erian said triumphantly, but then her proud smile deflated with the murderous intent in your eyes. “No, I won’t bleed to death, don’t worry (F/n).” Erian let out a small laugh, this time not a wince being produced after the sound. “You’re like my mother sometimes really.”  
   
“We can stay up until you feel sleepy then.” Ysavelle smiled, and then she stands up from her seat on the wooden chair by the bedside, the girl reaching over to the nightstand to gather the then empty tray of dinner you and your friends somewhat shared together, being that Erian couldn't really stomach a lot of food without needed to exert a ton of effort to do so, and you, Ysavelle, Devan did not really have the best of appetites today either.  
   
“Ah, no, I can do that.” You said, quickly claiming the empty tray by the nightstand before the ravenette touches it.  
   
“It’s alright, let me do it.” Ysavelle began to reach for the tray again but you kept it out of her reach.  
   
“I was going to make a trip to get some pain relievers anyway." You paused, gesturing to Erian who looked too cautious in moving since every small prove probably does a number of the wound by her waist. "I’ll be back.” You muttered out quickly, and then you’re out the door before the girl with the blue and gray mix of hues could even utter resistance to your words.  
   
You quickly trudged down the steps to deposit the tray to the mess hall, some cadets still lounging around and talking, the perks of not having to live in the fear of the corporal or the commander, or any other superior for that matter (the other superiors left are either sleeping or don’t care), glaring at you until you turn to a puddle of stutters while trying to defend yourself from staying up way past curfew.  
   
Some people greeted you, and you all but gave them a smile, relief then showing in their faces since from your genuine look of happiness, it seems Erian was fine and well after all.  
   
You went to go get a glass of water from the tap, a few white pills hidden in a folded piece of brown paper already secure in one palm of yours since before going to the mess hall, you already went to your room to get some pills you had stashed under a drawer, the said medicine, based from personal experience, effective in reducing the pain considerably, but one that didn’t make you feel like throwing up or being sleepy right after drinking one of the white circles.  
   
And as you trudge back the steps into the dimly lit hallways back to the room Erian was confined in, you couldn't help but think about how Hanji and the others were faring in the cold night. For sure, they should be in Sina right about now, seeing as three hours had passed since Devan took you down to the mess hall for Hanji’s announcement.  
   
You heaved a sigh as you stopped in your tracks by a window, the moonlight peeking through the small spaces in the wooden boards that closed the windows, before you felt that tingling sensation again, a shiver running down your spine—probably from the chilly night air—, and it took you nothing short of a half second before you broke into a run, taking care to not spill the glass half filled with water in your hands as your eyes quickly scanned the hallways around you.  
   
As you made for the last flight of steps leading you to the floor to Erian’s temporary room, you panted for a little while, your mind fluttering about with a variety of to-be scenarios, and your eyes were already tearing up from unsaid fear. You looked behind you, the long stretch of the empty and dark hallways making you queasy as you prepared yourself for another run that will take you weaving through the hallways in breakneck speed.

But as you were about to sprint, your (h/c) tresses caught onto something, a force hurling you back until you fell with a thud against the stone floors, you being stuck in a sitting position from the fall, and you heard a loud crash as the ceramic glass in your hands shattered to pieces beside you.  
   
And the last thing you see is a dull hue.  
   
Something you'd never forget.  
   
Matched with a bone rattling smirk that borderline an insane frenzy, you fell with a soft thud as you body fully reconnected with a smooth sheet of cold stone. The smell of alcohol invading your senses just like that one day after a trip to a local bakery. Shards of glass sparkling as it catches whatever light seeps through the cracks of a nearby window, ironically like the sprinkle of diamonds, but as the jewel-esque bits drop to the floor, they are coated in a red hue, one that began to trickle from a mop of (h/c) as a sweep of black encased your conscious entirety.

All that registers in your mind before the darkness, is a shade of dim yellow with the poor lighting around you.  
   
But just like before, you’d never forget.

No matter how bad or distorted your eyesight could be with the lack of good illumination, you doubt you will ever be able to forget the haunting hue.  
   
This single color, replaying in your mind, an eerie dreadful, or simply traumatic, the color of ochre has become for you.


	36. Connecting Severed Dots

Commander Erwin was able to lead his small group of soldiers through the streets of Rose without much of a stall, not much of a surprise honestly, as the paths were almost empty save for some people who were drinking outside on wooden tables with merriment leaving their lips, or some children still playing games of sorts in the alleys, and a few people still out for a late evening walk.  
   
It was almost about two hours, give or take a few minutes since the departure from headquarters, when the small band of soldiers from the Scouting Legion was able to make it to the unwelcoming gray walls illuminated poorly in the late night setting, a large metal gate being the only barrier before this group of tired soldiers are permitted access into the much endeavored inner walls.  
   
There was a small wait that ensued before a patrolling soldier from the Garrison makes his appearance, and the blue eyed commander engages in a short conversation with the man, before the said soldier gives a quick nod and walks away from the group, leaving another waiting period that lasted a few more minutes before the sound of creaking was heard, the gates being raised a good distance to let the soldiers on horseback pass through.  
   
It wasn't like waiting was a bad thing, and on the contrary, the wait was much appreciated even by the commander himself. The strain from the recently concluded expedition was still present after all, and to come home wanting to sleep or resume some much put away work, only to be summoned to the Military Police for a quick scheduled meeting, the day couldn't have been any more stressful. If there was any way the group could have a break, they would take it without complaints, even if they had to be riding a horse.  
   
It was by way of a simple collection of documents and a formal letter asking for the cooperation of the faction, that Erwin had thought of leaving as soon as possibly able. The details were sparse in the sent letters, but the prominent message of urgency and the mere mention of the most feared murderer ever to grace the inner walls was enough of a reason to push away all thoughts of a good night’s rest.  
   
The letter also asked for some seasoned soldiers to be brought, just so that if something happens and, if even possible that the man was to be confronted, there wouldn't be much of a problem to retaliate.  And out of convenience’s sake, and due to the rather short notice needing immediate attention, Erwin settled for taking along Hanji and the Special Operations Squad headed by the lance corporal, along with other members of the 104th not under Levi’s command for good measure.  
   
With this kind of deranged man on the loose, one can never be too prepared after all.  
   
And then this would bring us to the current setting, in which there is a quiet aura around a specific meeting room somewhere in the Military Police headquarters in Sina. The arrival of Commander Erwin and his subordinates quickly followed by a hushed ushering to a large room, some familiar faces, like that of Commander Dot Pixis from the Garrison and his escorts, already present and giving the situation the sense that things were more serious than it seemed.  
   
Military officials, those of the higher office from all three factions, along with the head of the military, Darius Zackly, were currently occupying the seats in a long wooden table in the center of the room, some veteran members of the Military Police, a few of the Garrison, and those of the 104th from the Scouting Legion, standing by the sidelines at attention.  
   
The atmosphere inside the room is heavy, and generally it wasn't a place you would have wanted to stay in. It was like suffocation at its finest, but you weren’t being strangled by any means. But no one dared to walk out the door to relieve themselves of this incredibly tense setting, just out of sheer respect for being in the presence of the respective commanding officers of the Garrison, the Survey Corps and the Military Police, and the fact that the head of all three factions is inside the room as well.  
   
From previous experience at Eren’s trial back when he was just a fresh graduate of sorts from the 104th and just discovered his ability to shift into a titan, Eren, Armin, and Mikasa, being the only three from the 104th invited to the trial, already knew the man with the sunken eyes and stern expression. The seemingly rimless glasses perched upon the low bridge of the man’s nose, and his scruffy looking full beard and mustache giving him more of that intellectual ambiance.  
   
It was to this person that Eren owes practically half of his life to, the other half of the brunette’s life owed to the Scouting Legion who still keeps him under protection. Darius Zackly was the Commander-in-chief of all three military divisions, and the judge in Eren’s trial way back. And though the brunette boy didn’t really think much of the man, there was still the sense of gratitude in those shades of green orbs that was silently looking over the group of superiors that have settled into some kind of silence.  
   
This has been going on for quite a while.  
   
And from the arrival of the 104th sometime before midnight, one look at the a wide, barred glass window covered with simple white curtains, and a person could tell that morning was about to commence, if anything, because the chilly air has become rather tolerable, and the darkness that enveloped the world outside the room was slowly turning from deep navy blues and violet grays to a softer shade.  
   
The oil lamps perched on evenly spaced stands by the walls would let out a flicker every now and then, and at some point in time, one Military Police cadet had to add a considerable amount of fuel to two of the five or so lamps inside the room to keep the illumination going on. Time was rather slow, but in reality, it wasn't true because about three hours had past since the start of the meeting, and there was still questions piling on top of one another, the answers scarce and not satisfying at all.  
  
That being said, a lot of the people in the room were obviously tired from whatever agenda they had the previous day. And even though the fact still stands that no one inside this meeting room has slept the whole night, sleep was at the very bottom of everyone’s lists right now.  
  
Everyone understood the meeting was crucial for some reason, and just before the officials of each faction engaged in their heated discussions, the mix of cadets brought along by each military division were given a quick run through about what the meeting would discuss about. Everyone from the 104th received the news calmly, mostly due to the fact that they did hear about the whole story of 'The Hundred Titan Massacre' a few months ago. But still, hearing about the story of what a particular friend of theirs went through, it was kind of hard not to feel angered or annoyed.  
  
The other cadets from the Military Police and the Garrison made quite a fuss though, but it was stopped the moment Zackly had cleared  his throat.  
   
“I assume there is already an order issued to monitor the streets.”  
   
A single sentence breaks the minute-long silence inside the room, the speaker being Erwin who was sitting on the other end of the table, across from commander-in-chief, Hanji taking the seat on the right side the blond commander, and the lance corporal sitting across from Hanji, on Erwin’s left.  
   
“Before the letters to you were sent, I believe Nile had already dispatched pairs of soldiers to patrol the streets of each district.” Zackly said, gesturing to the commanding officer of the Military Police seated two chairs away from his right. “I have sent the order to the Garrison for standby, in case a lockdown for Sina is to be enacted again.”  
   
Pixis just gives a nod, a smile hiding whatever it is the man is thinking at the moment, the Garrison’s leading figure completely opposite in demeanor to that of Nile who looked tense and grim about the whole situation. Not that anyone could blame the commander of the Military Police too, seeing as he was faced with a situation that fell under his military faction’s responsibilities.  
   
Thankfully, it has long been concluded that the king is not to be touched by the murderer, seeing as the crazed man was only concerned with creating havoc within the civilian population of Sina, and the focus seemed to circulate fully on children for that matter. A few soldiers were still given the order to protect the king though, seeing as a little more security wouldn't hurt.  
   
“The letter is vague.” Hanji then sighs after a while, her rather informal tone of voice a blessing to the soldiers who were literally about to get a heart attack from the below somber mood most of the officials in the room were giving.  
   
The brunette woman has been silently reading a piece of paper lying on a slightly crooked angle in the polished wooden surface of the table before her. It was a short letter, or maybe just a note, a little torn on the edges, and the once straight piece of writing instrument looked as if it was slightly crumpled, the write surface marred with messily written words in black ink, blotches of the said black on some areas signifying the rather rushed means this letter was created.  
   
There was no need for guessing games for Hanji to know that the sender of the revolting piece of paper came from the presumed murderer. And the brunette squad leader finds herself thinking about a girl with (h/c) strands, the cadet’s (e/c) hues filled with dread and fear upon hearing about the quick departure of the squad leader and some friends to Sina.  
  
_'There's something more to this, I swear! It’s some kind of plan, he’s planning to do something to you guys, and why would he even leave a note...'_  
  
Hanji remembered the (e/c) eyed girl's quickly spat sentences once the news was broken to her, and the squad leader removes her sights from the Commander-in-chief of the three factions, in favor of looking at the letter again.  
  
The opening sentence was a simple threat, and the note didn’t even make a decent paragraph to boot. The message was simply straight forward, and yet confusing as well:  _I commend the military for their efforts the previous years, but I want to play the game again, the one I couldn't finish in the year 845.  And if you are reading this, it means the game has started, and I am currently with the child you left behind. I will give you a day to find us, nothing more or less. Good Luck._  
  
After giving the note another good read. Somehow, Hanji has been having this unsettling feeling bubbling in the pit of her gut, but the woman couldn't place a name to the emotion at the moment as she continued to trail her russet hues over and over again to the dips and curves of a killer’s handwriting.  
   
“There must be something we’re missing here.” The brunette woman sighed after giving the letter another once-over and sliding the piece across to the lance corporal who still hasn’t gotten the chance to read the sorry excuse for literature. “The letter doesn't make sense. And I would think that from the information we' have gathered from the man, he is the type to act quickly at the slightest lapse in security.”  
   
“Permission to speak, sir.” A blond boy muttered, a few eyes looking over to the cadet who had swiftly made a salute.  
   
Hanji turned to the side of her seat, her brown orbs looking through the mix of military cadets standing a good meter or two away from the table where the officials were discussing. And when the brunette squad leader meets eyes with those of sea blue, and Hanji gives a nod to acknowledge the salute.  
   
Erwin on the other hand, eyes the cadets under his faction for a few short seconds, the officer taking note of the fact that these people have been standing for well over a couple hours now.  
   
And the meeting has been just this since it began, just a steady flow of discussions ranging from options to ensure the safety of the residents of every district in Sina, to evacuation plans should the need to do so arise, as well as records collected on the guy thus far, which weren't that many at all aside from the fact that the man was a previous member of the Military Police.  
   
“At ease.” Erwin muttered once he finishes silently assessing the state of his faction’s soldiers present in the room, and at this point, the boy with the cerulean hued eyes drops his salute to a still rigid posture.  
   
The commander contemplates letting his subordinates out for a walk or so, or at least to take a seat or a breather from the strenuous events. But when the man’s azure hues caught the look of determination on the cadet’s faces, Erwin remembered a certain cadet these events were somewhat related to. And the commander was pretty sure that even if he was to permit a break from this stuffy room, none of the cadets from the 104th would move an inch outside the door.  
   
“Yes, you may speak.” Hanji’s voice resounded clearly in the area, the woman giving a reassuring nod of the head to Armin, who was the source of the respectful question just a minute ago.  
   
All eyes seemed to be trained on the blond soldier, and said soldier just takes a deep breath before giving his interpretation of the letter out. Though it’s true that the cadets were never given the chance to read the piece of paper now subject to the captain’s gray hues, Armin could pretty much guess somewhere near to what the contents are, given that the letter is explicitly mentioned throughout the meeting, and then there was Hanji’s not so quiet reading the first time the squad leader got a hold of the writing.  
   
“This is just a personal opinion…” The boy started, his mind going off to remember a (h/c) haired girl’s words back when they were saying their farewells before the departure to Sina.  And now that Armin actually has the time to think about things without time to tie him down, he couldn't help but think about how the girl was so intent on saying the man was seemed to be a person with limitless tricks up his sleeve or something, and there must be more to the situation than the evidence provided.  
   
“It’s alright.” Zackly announced, the man a little curious about the boy he recognized to be the one who pretty much saved the whole of humanity into wasting more time to guess the identity of the Female Titan.  
   
“There could be a possibility that we have already fallen into a trap.”  
   
The sentence is short and rather blunt, Armin quickly falling back into silence as the room is quiet yet again, and a certain brunette squad leader furrows her eyebrows, her hands forming into fists on her lap as she let the boy’s words sink in. It was still way early in the morning, and from the earlier passing of information at the start of the meeting, it was told that the Military Police has done well to inform the inner wall's residents about the news of the threatening letter quickly.  
  
People are on guard, children are prohibited from the streets for the time being, and if they should have to go out, there must be the supervision of an adult. There was a morning and evening curfew in place too, wherein people are advised to be behind locked doors as soon as it is seven in the evening, and expected to only come out of the streets again by eight in the morning. And judging from an old functioning wall clock plastered high on the wooden wall before her, Hanji knows it's about twenty minutes past five in the morning.  
   
“Would you mind elaborating your statement?” An official from the Military Police said, the woman’s dark hair tied into a bun behind her head, and in the soldier's hands was a clipboard, a similar color of dark brown like her hair, was reflected in her orbs as she stared intently at the blue eyed cadet on the other side of the room.  
  
Armin was about to say something more to his earlier announcement, but then there was a shuffling behind him, the sounds caused by fellow member of the Special Operations Squad headed by the captain, specifically, Sasha. And the girl looked like she was seeing some kind of terrible vision, her lips forming a frown.  
  
"What if (F/n) was right about this?" Sasha muttered almost inaudibly, and a collective silence dawns on the members of the 104th.  
  
Though actually, even without Sasha voicing that out, everyone from the 104th has been having this small inkling feeling that the 105th graduate was correct.  
  
"(F/n)?" The same Military Police soldier from earlier asked, there is confusion clear in her voice at the sound of the name.  
  
The woman who just spoke was a resident of Wall Maria during the time of the murders, only able to get into the Military Police ranks when the incident died down considerably and the people have put the murders as a thing of the unfortunate past. So with that in mind, the woman knew nothing much about the massacres in Sina unless it was the information told earlier with the briefing of the cadets.   
  
And the information freely given earlier had a lot of details omitted from it, one of them, the name of the lone survivor from the massacres, the name not given out both because of respect to the victim's privacy and family, and also because anything related to the killings in Sina were confidential and meant for the most trusted officials of the military to see only.  
  
"(F/n) (L/n), resident of the Stohess District." Zackly muttered from his seat, remembering the name of the girl he had read about in a report a few years ago. "She graduated from the 105th, I presume. What was her rank?" The high official finished his sentence, his eyes studying those of the composed commander sitting a good distance across from him.  
  
"She graduated as the first." Hanji answered the question, the brunette woman biting her bottom lip before she spoke again. "(F/n) is currently a cadet under the Scouting Legion."  
   
The Commander-in chief regards the new information without much of a surprise. For when he saw the girl a long time ago, her eyes were dulled and void of emotion, but there was still the way the girl clenched the sides of her tattered dress as she glared at the ground that made her look like she was strong for such a person her age who has gone to a close rendition of what hell would have been on earth.  
   
Nevertheless, reminiscing had to be cut short, as there is a grave emergency currently in hand, and the meeting hasn’t progressed by much since it began.  
   
Zackly eyes the blond boy who spoke earlier, and Armin stiffens up again as he noticed the eyes looking over him.  
   
“Cadet.” Zackly called, causing a salute to automatically be presented from the blue eyed soldier. “Please, elaborate on your words a while ago.”  
   
Armin takes a gulp of air, and then he tightens the clenching of his hands, the boy still making the salute he was well trained in doing as he took advantage of being given the permission to speak the second time around.  
   
“If I may, is it possible for me to see the letter the killer left behind first?” There is a pause, and when after a short second that Zackly nods, there is the slight sound of the legs of a chair scraping against the floor.  
   
The lance corporal’s footsteps echoed in the closed space, and the tension in the room seemed to turn sour with every footfall. When the captain passed the letter in his hands to the boy with the sea blue pools, Levi does not return to his seat, rather the stoic man just stands there on a spot in front of his squad members, gray hues studying the blue tones that were now focused on the paper.  
   
After a thorough reading, Armin furrows his eyebrows at the confusing letter.  
   
“The game has started… and he is currently with the first victim.”  
   
The boy trailed off, giving another look at the last few sentences before passing the paper back to the lance corporal.  And it takes about five minutes of thinking, while some of the other cadets looked over the cryptic letter out of curiosity, when Armin snaps to attention as if he just thought of something vital to the operation at hand.  
   
 “Excuse me.” Armin eyed the woman with the clipboard, brown eyes peppered in confusion but the person nods at the boy nonetheless. “Are there any reports on missing children?”  
   
“There’s none so far.” The woman said tersely, still confused.  
   
Armin scrunches up his brows for a bit, concentration mirrored in the boy’s orbs before he speaks again.  
   
“If he said he has a child with him, shouldn't there have been a report by now?” Armin asked to no one in particular, and you could almost see the slight specs of panic on some of the movements of the Military Police soldiers.  
   
The boy was right after all, that if a child was already taken, then by now, any of the patrolling soldiers should be bursting through the meeting room’s wooden door and reporting about the incident. The letter was either false, maybe made by a prankster who thought riling up the military was fun, or true. But if it was the latter, then what evidence does the military have to say the note was created by the killer himself?  
   
The paper just popped out of Nile’s desk yesterday night after dinner, and it seemed the letter had been left there for quite some time already, seeing as the commander of the Military Police was out of the headquarters from early in the afternoon to supervise the shipment of supplies by the port.  
   
Anyone could have written the letter and slipped it on the table.  
   
“I do believe the letter is genuine.” Armin spoke again. “Like Sasha said, (F/n) warned us about the letter being a trap of sorts. It could be that the killer meant to cause this chaos, and he knows what actions the military will take. It’s probable that the murderer knows of a way to breach security which was why he challenged the military to find him.”  
   
“(F/n)’s judgment in questionable Armin.” Hanji muttered from her seat, deep in thought. “She’s… not in the most stable of mindsets due to Erian’s condition. She is still afraid of it, this past of hers. She was probably saying things to stop us from leaving the base.”  
   
“With all due respect.” A ravenette girl interjects the conversation, a red scarf wrapped snugly by her neck as she made eye contact with the brunette squad leader before speaking again. “I don’t think (F/n)’s statements were biased to safety. And even if what happened to Erian affects her, (F/n) had proven on the 63rd expedition that she can handle worse scenarios.”  
   
Mikasa’s words hang about in the air for a little while. And some of the people in the room who do not know much about the (h/c) haired girl were completely at a loss about the conversation, whereas those on the high ranks who did know about the feat of a soldier returning to the walls alone (and injured), were able to put two and two together, and understand the ravenette cadet’s claims.  
   
The silence this time is quite unsettling, but then there’s the sound of a loud rattle from the corridors outside, heavy and hasty footsteps mirroring some kind of resentment getting nearer and nearer to the meeting area.  
   
“Oi, stop right there! This place is has restricted access!”  
  
At the sound of a distressed voice by a fellow soldier guarding the entrance of the headquarters, some of the Military Police soldiers on standby in the sides of the room quickly looked at each other before almost simultaneously taking off the rifle hanging by their shoulders and spreading a little in the room, so that they formed some semi-circle shape facing the doorway, series of guns already aimed at the wooden board and waiting.  
   
“Do not shoot unless I give the order.” Nile said sternly.  
   
And the wait wasn't that long too, because just a few more seconds of hearing the hasty footsteps, they stopped. And the next thing heard was a strong hit to the door, a kick most likely, which successfully opened the wooden contraption. A familiar face showed itself in the doorway, causing Hanji to stand up from her seat abruptly.  
   
“Don’t shoot!” Hanji hurriedly said, the woman making her way up the front of the gun handling soldiers so she could have a good look at the person by the door.  
   
The person was wearing the typical military uniform ensemble of a white button-up shirt and pants, as well as the knee-length boots, the soles stained with mud and grass from the expedition that happened hours ago, on the previous day. The only thing missing in the uniform was the military jacket and the 3DMG, but the tufts of beige, and the set of brown eyes were recognizable still.  
   
Except those brown orbs held a mixture of an expression of anger no one acquainted with the guy has seen before, and then there was fear and sadness reflecting on the hues as well. The boy’s eyes were moistened, a prompt for tears shed or to be shed, not really uncharacteristic of the boy to cry. But it’s just that whenever the boy was seen with his usual set of friends, he looked impassive most of the time.  
   
“Devan?” Krista was the first to speak, worried blue orbs gazing over to the boy who looked like he went through war to get to this place.  
   
“Where is she?” The boy seethed, his words laced with obvious anger.  
   
“What?” Hanji asked, and the brunette woman gives Nile a look, causing the Military Police official to issue an order to lower the firearms.  
   
“Where the fuck is she?” Devan spat in a vexed tone, and he knows for a fact that he should conduct himself better in front of a room of high ranking officials, but formalities were nonexistent in the boy’s vocabulary at the moment. “(F/—”  
   
Before Devan could finish his sentence though, a hand is slapped to his mouth and he is pulled back harshly and out of the entrance to the meeting room. “Let me handle this.” A girl with raven tresses muttered to the beige haired boy she pulled back, and then the girl took Devan’s spot by the doorway, appearing before the room of military-important people, a similar shade of dark brown orbs landing on the brunette squad leader before her.  
   
The girl was wearing almost the exact same things as Devan was, except she had her military jacket on, showing that her, and her companion that came bursting through the doors, were a part of the Scouting Legion.  
   
Before anything else is said, the girl offers a salute. “Vien Barnett, Graduated place 15 of the 105th Trainees Squad, currently affiliated with the Scouting Legion.” The girl said quickly, relinquishing whatever suspicion other people in the room could have about her and her companion. And the girl gestures to the boy behind her, looking impatiently at this little introduction session, the boy looking like was just a few seconds away to punching holes in the walls. “This is Devan Ixtovia, Graduated 3rd, from the same batch, affiliated with the Scouting Legion as well. Please excuse the intrusion.”  
   
“What are you guys doing here?” Jean asked from the back, and the girl named Vien bites her bottom lip, her eyes also looking like he had cried prior to this confrontation, and the one word that leaves her lips is like a knife of confusion and frustration being driven to the hearts of a particular set of people.  
   
“(F/n)…” The girl began, her tone of voice cracking with just the simple word.  
   
“What about her?” Hanji said rather worriedly.  
   
At this point, Devan is able to stand beside the raven haired girl who accompanied him on the rushed journey to Sina, though he still couldn't contain his anger, at least the beige haired boy was able to use a tone that didn’t sound like he was out to kill whoever stands before him.  
   
“She’s missing.” Devan said harshly, as if the words were like poison on his mouth. “(F/n) disappeared late last night, a little before midnight. There was blood by the staircase near the medical wing, and the stench of alcohol…” The boy grits his teeth as he remembers the same mixture of a metallic and sweet smelling liquid mixing together in the front garden of his best friend’s home years ago.  
   
Even with Devan not being able to finish his sentence, the message was loud and clear.  
   
Erwin quickly shouts for his subordinates to embark for Wall Rose immediately, and some of the Military Police soldiers have taken it upon themselves to head to the Survey Corps HQ as well to investigate. But even before Erwin had begun his order for the return, Hanji was already running down the hallways and out to the back of the building where the stables were.  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Images flickered in the darkness, memories of painful experiences, the ones where there is always death present in the form of wailing children and a quick slice to the nape. A memory you knew so well despite the seven year span since the last time you ever experienced such a horrific situation.  
  
You remembered your mother telling you about how time is the best medicine to heal whatever wounds you had. But at the moment you'd beg to differ because your heart still had the cracks it acquired so long ago, and these little cracks you have tried to stitch close over and over again are now gaping open, leaving you to hug your knees as you hummed a tune to relieve your senses, anything to drown the pleads and the cries of innocent children.  
  
Suddenly you find yourself in a cage, your little hands rattling the bars that wouldn't give in with your minuscule strength. It was like back then, with you in that tattered baby blue dress, your (h/c) tresses a sticky mess from the months left unwashed. But none of those things mattered at the time with the constant flooding of your sense of smell with the stench of iron and filth eminent in your surroundings.  
  
And then you feel the cold side of a blade, a chill running down your spine as laughter seemed to echo in the poorly lit room around you. The last thing you see, being those unmistakable hues of ochre before you felt the cutting of skin and you fell with a thud.  
  
With a gasp, your eyes opened, (e/c) hues scanning the are around you in a frantic manner, your sights registering nothing but vague shapes inside a dimly illuminated room. Your head was throbbing painfully by your sudden actions, and you felt lightheaded as well. But even with the tear inducing pain you could feel on your head, you couldn't stop yourself from taking hurried looks at at wherever your neck could reach.  
  
It was just a nightmare.  
  
Whatever you saw earlier was just a figment of your unconscious mind, and you were used to those kinds of terrifying dreams as well. But every time you would wake up from one, you'd feel the need to reassure yourself that you were still alive and breathing. And at the moment you wanted to try patting yourself to feel a sense of life still in you, but the moment you tried so much as move your hands around, you realized they were tied in front of you, from what seemed like a tight binding done with thick rope.  
  
Your eyes widened at the realization, and you tried to shout but that didn't work out so well either.  
  
In a panic, you brought your hands by your lips, only to find that you had a piece of cloth tied around the bottom half of your face, the cloth running across your mouth, and with the tight way it was tied, you could taste a little bit of iron around the gag, brought by the corners of your mouth were bleeding as it rubbed harshly with the cloth for quite some time now.  
  
You didn't know how long you've been in this state, but you could only assume it had been hours, because if anything, as you moved your head from side to side to try and make sense of the hard to distinguish shapes in the dark, you cold feel dried blood from a side of your head, and there seemed to be some on the collar of your clothes as well, seeing as when you felt for the fabric by your neck, some parts of the cloth felt rough to the touch.  
  
And that's when you remembered having returned from the mess hall, medicine and water in hand as you took to the stairs going back to the room where Erian was being contained in for the night.  
  
It was halfway up the staircase that you felt as if you were being watched, and with your paranoia running high, you could definitely hear someone breathing silently in the background, causing you to break into a sprint to make it back to your best friend's temporary room. And you remember having to take a break as you reach the top of the second set of steps, your lungs heaving hard as you tried to catch some air into your system again.  
  
By that time, since Erian's room was just a few halls away, you were able to breathe a sigh of relief, your legs preparing you for another run but then someone had grabbed you by the hair and harshly pulled you back, the shock causing you to lose your balance as you fell by your rump. And almost as soon as you were down on the floor, a bottle of what smelled like alcohol was used to hit your head, ironically like that one lazy afternoon a while back, when you began a descent to the worst days of your childhood.  
  
You remember seeing  those bone chilling eyes of ochre, and at the memory of the demented smirk, a shiver ran down your spine.  
  
And after recalling the memory, you began to panic, knowing that if you don't find any means to escape or at least fight back with soon, then your last memory of the world would be something like that nightmare you had just minutes ago.   
  
In your state of dread however, you found out your legs were not restrained. You didn't take long trying to use the fact to your advantage, so with much effort and patience coming on your end, you were able to find some kind of leverage to help you stand up. And once you were on your two feet, you began to walk cautiously around, finding that the place you were in was like a storage room of sorts, given that you hit a couple boxes as you walked around aimlessly in the dark.  
  
But the room wasn't as small as you thought it initially was. At least, this knowledge gave you enough relief to not feel like the walls were going to come crashing on you.  
  
However, this relief was cut tragically short, as you heard the sounds of a few clicks being heard. Your guess being that the sound was from a key turning a lock open. And you found your heart pounding excessively painful in in your chest as your eyes showed within those (e/c) hues, murderous intent even in this type of scenario where you were easily at your weakest.  
  
Your guess was proven true when you heard a small creak, light illuminating the room you were being kept in, and you couldn't help the low growl that escaped your lips as you saw the figure of a man draped in a black trench coat reaching just below his knees. His features initially of shock, probably because he didn't expect you to be up and about this quickly. But then the small widening of the eyes was gone in a short second, the man by the doorway giving you a crazed smile as he closed the door to keep you from ever getting out.  
  
The only light that flooded the room now came from an old lamp the man brought with him, and he set it at what seemed to be an old desk.  
  
Footsteps echoed as he made his way to where you stood by a window closed shut tightly. And you refused to take a step back or show any kind of break in your will to fight. You were holding your ground, but honestly you didn't know if it was because of courage, or because you were frozen stiff out of fear.  
  
But you couldn't ponder about those things any more that necessary because the man was already standing in front of you, his hand reaching out to take bunched up strands of (h/c) hair, dried blood coating the locks that he twirled in a relaxed manner with the use of one finger.  
  
"Good Morning." He muttered, the voice sending your heart to almost come bursting out of your ribs, but you tried your damnedest to calm yourself. "You're finally awake."  
  
_But I guess not for long._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it this far! We're almost at chapter 40, which will be whatever your desired ending is! 
> 
> Have a nice day! ^^


	37. Feelings Of A Murderer

The first person to ever notice the blood on the floors was a member of the 105th, who had decided to go get some antidepressants given the strain the 64th expedition has given to anyone who was a part of it. The goal was simply straightforward, go to the medical wing, look to see if a nurse is still around and awake at this hour, or go through the medicine containers herself, go get the pills, and finally be able to sleep herself off until the next day.  
   
The hallways were quiet around the side of the castle where the medical facilities were, truly a great contrast to the mess hall and the general living floors where some cadets were quick to abuse the absence of the faction’s higher ups due to some kind of need to conduct urgent business in Sina.  
   
It was quite a wonder actually, that the mess hall was still a buzz with life, with cadets lounging around and drinking or having late night snacks of leftover bread and soup, then if you walk around and pass by rooms, you could hear muffled shouts from groups of cadets entertaining themselves with late night story sessions or improvised group games.  And then on some parts of the base, there would be dead silence.  
   
Dead silence, which was the kind that made your skin crawl, and cause shivers would run down your spine one after the other.  
   
The girl hummed to herself to distract her from the darkness that seemed to encase her, and she could have sworn she could hear another step of footsteps across the dimly lit paths. One set of the sounds were hasty and quick, as if the person was running away from something, probably eager to hop onto bed, or just too scared of the intimidating sheet of black lining everything the eyes could see. And the other set was what intrigued her, calm, and yet eerie at the same time.  
   
Nevertheless, the girl thought her mind was just playing tricks on her, because she was well aware that she was down with fatigue, stressed, and completely out of sorts from the earlier endeavor outside the walls.  
   
And so the girl just continued her slow walk on the hallways with an old oil lamp on hand to guide her, while she tried to expel whatever thoughts her tired mind would conjure, her movements cautious as she felt her way through the halls and hoped to at least get to the medical wing unscathed.  
   
But then a few seconds later, the girl heard the faintest of sounds that was something like a vase purposely being driven to the ground, and then a harsh thud that echoed throughout the silent castle walls. She was in the second floor by then, and the sound came from somewhere above on the third floor.  
   
Out of worry that someone may have had an accident, the girl ran through the hallways with the need to help. But when she reached the top of the staircase on the third floors about a few minutes later, there wasn't anyone there.  
   
“Hello?” She called, and then she took a step forward, her hands dangling the oil lamp to directions she needed to shed some light on.  
   
But with the footstep she took, the sounds of cracking could be heard. And when the girl took a look downwards, her eyes then casting themselves over a reddish hue that was slowly spreading across the floors, that’s when the metallic smell hit her and the need to gag and throw up at the off-putting scene became all too dominant.    
   
There wasn't any need for explanations or reasons aside from fear, motivating the girl to sidestep and avoid the puddle before running towards the nearest occupied room (which was by the end of the hallway) and opening the door with much force that it hit the stone walls with a heavy slam, the sound bouncing off of the walls and would no doubt wake other people in the surrounding rooms up.  
   
There was a group of five people in the room the girl went to, one boy was a patient, with head wrappings and possibly mid-laugh as his four friends were retelling stories of unknown origin. This part of the castle was relatively in the vicinity of the medical facility. And the girl would have honestly felt guilty disturbing the resting injured. Except, with a puddle of blood and other uncertain things just a few doors down, disturbing the slumbering people would have been the least of her worries.  
   
“T-there’s blood on the floors.” The girl muttered, and her skin was visibly a paler hue from her usual medium ivory.  
   
At first the few cadets in the room didn’t actually believe the girl, some just saying she was typically stressed, hence the mind was over reactive. And some people knew the girl for her jokes, so they passed off the thing as the girl just trying to best them with a prank.  
   
But then they saw the red smear on one of the girl’s soles, one of the males in the room (there were three out of the five occupants) decided to walk out and take a look or himself. The girl was quite the expert with pranks, often times being sent to punishment laps back at the training camp, but if she was joking, wasn't making makeshift blood a little too elaborate?  
   
The other people in the room solemnly waited, and the girl who came bursting inside the room then lead the brave enough soul down the hallways and into the area a few meters front of the main staircase leading to the third floors. The door to the patient’s room was left open, just so they could find relief if they hear a hearty laugh and the words ‘just joking!’  
   
But instead of a laugh there was silence for a while, and then the sound of hasty footsteps. The cadet who went outside of the room with the girl was then seen rushing past the hallways outside the open door, the destination of the guy being towards the nearest accessible bathroom so he could throw most of the load on his stomach onto a sink.  
   
Soon the girl’s footsteps came running as well, but she stopped by the room she once intruded on.  
   
“If any of you can get a hold of any superiors, please do so. Don’t leave the patient alone. And if one of you can go with Aiden, do it, he’s probably in the bathrooms. I’ll go inform the rest of the rooms about this. I’m not fucking joking this time. And if this is a prank, I have no part in this.”  
   
And that was all it took for the rest of the people in the room to gulp in fear, the males leaving the room to do what was asked of them, while the girl who stood by the doorway had disappeared back into the hallways, opening rooms to inform the people inside about the disturbing discovery by the stairwell.  
   
It was with the commotion of shouts of over reactive and fake scare acts that almost made the girl want to choke the people inside the room, her hands nearly having an inch of patience’s thread before she would start pulling on her ebony locks out of frustration.  
   
“I’m not joking.” She said with gritted teeth.  
   
“Oh, yeah, I know… I’m really scared!” One of the girl’s inside a different room said, and then there goes the moment of seriousness to be replaced with giggles from her companions.  
   
If this was how being a typical carefree person in the military would get you in, then it certainly wasn't a fun thing. The girl just wanted to lighten up the mood when she was back at training camp. Being with straight-laced persons all year round and having training from early in the morning until exhaustion could just do well to send kids of twelve or thirteen years of age into a spiral of breakdowns.  
   
There were some exceptions this year though, as there were rumors circulating around that some people who joined the 105th were about sixteen or older, technically a minimum of four years or so older than most of the cadets who met the age requirement at twelve and decided the military was a good way to immerse your life in.  
   
“You know what, suit yourself.” The girl angrily spat, her brown eyes glinting in severe annoyance. “I’m already tired enough as it is. I don’t even know why I waste my time talking to you guys.”  
   
“Whoa, did we blow a fuse?” One of the boys inside said in mock apology, and there was just a nanometer of that string of patience left.  
   
Okay, maybe there was nothing left at all, because the girl was about to come charging with all her strength but then a voice cut her from behind the doorway.  
   
“Vien?” The boy asked, his brown eyes studying the girl in the middle of breaking into a charge with intent to strangle someone to the bitter ends of hell.  
   
Thankfully though, the voice was able to stop the girl in question. And Vien turns around slightly to see a boy standing by the doorway with a somewhat impassive look on his face. But if you looked closely you could probably see a glint of worry on those brown orbs. What the worry was for though, nobody in the room knew of.  
   
“This is a patient hall of sorts, most of the people here are in recovery…” The boy trailed off, his eyes meeting the other people in the room, half of the population looking relieved while the other half stared rather cautiously at the back of the raven haired girl also near the door. “Well, at least some people should be resting.” The guy finishes. “I could hear you guys from Erian’s room two doors down.”  
   
“Well it’s not my fucking fault these guys don’t believe me. Heck, you’re probably not going to as well.” The girl said, and she crosses her arms to prove she wasn't the type to be taken lightly.  
   
“Believe you with what?” The boy asked, and he glared at the occupants of the room for a while before looking back to the ravenette a good ways away in front of him.  
   
“I was heading to the medical wing for some medicine.” The girl paused for a while when she heard what sounded like a snort behind her. “I’m sane, thank you very much.” Vien sighed. “And then I heard a faint crash by this floor near the staircase. I was by the second floor then, but you know how quiet the place is on the hallways. And then when I went up there’s blood on the floors.”  
   
“It could be from one of the injured.” The boy said, a hand of his then being combed through his beige tresses.  
   
“I don’t know Devan…” Vien said, the girl biting her bottom lip. “It seemed fresh, and there were shards of glass around. And aside from the blood… it smelled like alco—”  
   
“Where is it?” Devan automatically asked, the words somewhat hard to decipher since the boy seemed to be talking too fast. It was rude to cut someone off when they were in the middle of talking, but then you could actually sense the panic in the boy’s tone, which was somewhat unusual because most of the time you don’t see him act like this unless it concerned his family.  
   
Devan’s family, who were basically what he considered his set of best friends.  
   
“Just down the– no wait, let me just show you.” The girl said with a sense of urgency, and she left the room without much of a thought about the occupants inside, let dazed because one of their comrades just believed the girl right off the bat.  
   
The walk was excruciatingly quiet and rushed, and for a moment Vien feels that something terribly wrong has happened for the boy beside him to keep muttering incoherent curses as they rushed past corners and doors, eventually stopping just a few meters short of the main stairway leading to the second or fourth floors. The only sound that could be heard along the halls, were the short pants of breath from the two cadets, and the creaking of the oil lamp against its handle.  
   
It takes a second, time seemingly stopping right that instant as two sets of brown eyes met with the glinting puddle of red, some parts of the stone floors a deeper shade of gray, proving that a clear kind of liquid was present in the splatter on the ground.  
   
The way the oil lamp shone against the mess caught a few shards of glass embedded in the blend to shine, as if there were diamonds infused into the red dye. Then there was the sound of a breath hitching, and when Vien looked towards the male standing next to her, her eyes widened at the almost broken look the boy had.  
   
“Dev—”  
   
“This can’t be fucking happening… I should have gone out instead, shit. (F/n)—”  
   
“Whoa, calm down!”  
   
Vien slapped a hand onto the cadet’s back, and then her eyebrows furrowed as she remembered a familiar name leave the boy’s lips.  
   
“Do you know what’s going on?”  
   
The sentence was simple, easy to answer actually. But as the beige haired boy continued to stare at the puddle before him, no words could leave his mouth. It was as if the words were all jumbled up, lodged near the surface of the boy’s throat, but never being able to fully get out.  
   
When there is another minute of silence, the next thing the girl sees is the boy breaking into a run, going down the steps with such speeds that Vien was sure the boy would trip and break a bone or something.  
   
“I’m going out, tell Ysavelle and Erian!” The boy mustered quickly towards the ravenette who was trying to chase him down.  
   
“What the fuck?” Vien shouted back. “Let me go with you, wherever you’re going. It’s dangerous at night.”  
   
“I’m going to scout the perimeter.” That’s all that the boy says, and to be honest, Vien would have asked some more.  
   
The raven haired girl knew that the one with the beige tresses running in a brisk way down the sets of steps had an idea about what was going on. But the strained voice the boy gave, and the visible panic in every breath and movement Devan was showing, whether unconsciously or not, was enough for Vien to prioritize whatever the boy’s goal was.  
   
The sudden blood on the stairwell didn’t actually ring a lot of bells in Vien’s mind other than the fact that someone was injured. Who did it, what actually happened, and what reason for the bloodshed was, were things Vien couldn't really understand.  
   
Vien remembers the name of a girl leaving the boy’s lips. And she scrunched up her eyebrows as she followed the male cadet outside of the base. The blistering winds abused the ravenette’s cheeks, and she knew the boy now running towards the direction of the stables could also feel the cold.  
   
But screw the cold when a friend of hers was related to it.  
   
Sure, Vien wasn't really all close with the famed 'Inner-wall Trio', or the now more commonly used 'Why-the-fuck-are-they-so-skilled Quartet'—and Vien could have smiled at the last label because if the quartet members themselves heard that, then everyone would have an earful of how everyone has the potential and possibly more skilled, if only they got themselves serious from day one and actually tried with training instead of just going by the flow—but anyway, that was besides the point.  
   
Point is, just like most of the 105th who didn’t like the notion of having to train alongside people who were basically spoiled their whole lives, Vien didn’t really have a good impression of the girl named (F/n) and her set of friends. The group was almost always secluded, but damn did they try harder than anyone else at training, which was surprising to most.  
   
And then one time during 3DMG training, and the raven haired girl is tasked to group with a set of five people including the girl with the (h/c) tresses, things just changed from then by way of a none too perfect slice coming from one of Vien’s teammates at the time.  
   
“Ah, fuck, I did it again…” A male cadet cursed, the boy having done a shallow cut on the nape of a titan the group found while scouting around the dense forest.  
   
At that point, the group had stopped for a break on thickly branched tree that seemed to loom over the horizon. And then the girl of the (h/c) strands and bright (e/c) hues walked over to the supposed teammates who were rather bunched up.  
   
Everyone was scared at first, or even pissed off at the nonchalant look the girl gave as she was towering over the group who was sitting down. (F/n), as they called her, was the assigned leader too. But then the said girl smiled a little bit, awkwardly to note, probably being that the girl was trying hard to be social but it just doesn’t work right. And it wasn’t the kind of smile that was heavily laced with the undertones of mocking or degradation.  
   
It was a simple smile, one that didn’t have any underhanded meanings other than wanting to be friends.  
   
“So you do it too?”  
   
And the words that left the girl’s mouth were kind of shocking.  
   
“What?” The boy who was complaining about his cuts asked.  
   
“The slices.” The girl said. “It’s okay, we’re just beginning. I think the standard taught method doesn’t work for anybody. Like maybe we have to find our own style somehow.”  
   
And then when there’s a flare that goes off into the distance, a paler shade of green coming off of a range of deep treetop greens. The (h/c) haired girl then stared back to her group after trailing the hue streaking against the early afternoon sky, and another smile passed before she took a deep breath and let out a deep sigh.  
   
“I know you guys don’t like me.”  
   
There was a long pause.  
   
“But that’s to be expected… I guess?”  
   
Another silence.  
   
“I come from the inner walls after all. But my friends once came from Wall Maria. At least… at least talk to them instead.” A smile spread across the girl’s lips as she recalled those friends of hers. They looked to be important to her. “And umm… good job at training. I’ll have to make a report about the progress too, so let’s go.”  
   
The (e/c) eyed girl then positioned herself for a launch and shot a wire towards a tree a few meters away. And that’s when the group snapped out of their trance, each of the members following their leader who turned out to come off as a normal person after all, and not the heavily elevated person who almost everyone in the 105th thought of.  
   
“About the report!” Another female trainee in the group shouted. “Aren’t you going to need our names?”  
   
The girl leading the group just hummed a response in return. “I do. But I know your names already, so that’s fine.”  
   
“Really?” Some people found themselves asking.  
   
“Why wouldn't I?” The girl in the front said. “You guys are my comrades.”  
   
And that was all that needed to be said that day, a certain group of people forever changing their view of the girl who everyone seemed to dislike for no apparent reason. (F/n) (L/n) who everyone seemed to think of as a total cynic was honestly just normal in all respects and possible ways.  
   
The neigh of a horse is what snapped Vien away from her reminiscing, and the ravenette realizes that she was standing in front of the stables. Devan was a few steps in front of the girl, the boy visibly struggling to tie a saddle onto his respective horse, except the light wasn't really forgiving on the eyes and if anything, made things rather hard.  
   
Vien sheds some light onto the boy with her oil lamp that has been holding on for quite long surprisingly, and there is a rushed thanks that sprouts from the male cadet with her, as the girl with the brown orbs quickly searched for her horse and sighed in relief when she remembered she forgot to take off the saddle on the animal.  
   
“Where exactly are you going to scout?” Vien asked.  
   
“The surrounding streets.” Devan tersely replied.  
   
“Isn't that a little too far?”  
   
“I’m taking any chance I can get.”  
   
Vien mounted her horse in time with the boy and the two allowed their modes of transport to walk outside the closed-spaced stables, the gust of wind beating against the soldiers’ bodies making them shiver in the moonlit grounds. The light of the lamp Vien tied around the side of her saddle at least useful to add some more luster in the small surrounding areas.  
   
“(F/n) she...” Vien began, not exactly sure how to ask correctly.  
   
“She’ll be fine.” The boy before her said.  
   
“But didn’t you—”  
   
“She’ll be fine.”  
   
And the conversation ended at that, both cadets speeding around the streets surrounding the base without much luck. Honestly, Vien herself didn’t know what to search for, but the beige haired boy certainly had an idea what to find, except two hours of searching later and Devan still doesn't seem to have found whatever he wanted to see.  
   
The two cadets eventually made it relatively far from the Survey Corps base with the two hour search. And since there wasn't much of an option left, Vien didn’t know why, but she suggested continuing the ride going into Sina, to inform the officials of their faction who has come to spend the night inside the inner walls.  
   
Devan agreed to the plan without a breadth of protest, and soon the two arrived at the stone walls. The hardest part was on getting the access to the inside, but a couple of pleads and frantic words about a message that needed to reach the commander of the Scouting Legion urgently and also Devan actually trying to climb the walls without any gear or support at all later, and the two were let inside the much aspired inner walls.  
   
   
And those were the events that transpired way earlier in the day, the present hour holding a group of rather impatient and easily agitated people composing the superiors that Vien and Devan had successfully brought back to base.  
   
Pairs of different colored orbs memorized every blotch and droplet of what seemed to be a gruesome mix of reddish-brown, the substance a little less fresh as it taunted passersby up on the stone floors of the third level in the Scouting Legion Headquarters.  
   
The silence hanging about the small group as they examined the stain on the normally pristine gray sleet was ironically deafening. And despite that the group had only come to gawk at the unruly mixture displayed on the floor for nothing but a few seconds, it seemed as if it’s been hours.  
   
The small party of soldiers that went to Sina for a rushed meeting had just arrived to their respective military base in Wall Rose a few minutes prior to this staring contest with the floors. Pants and huffs from people short of breath accentuated the rapid pulses of each soldier from the hurried trip back and running up to the third tier of the building. But the fast beats of the hearts were probably more for the fact that the blend of metallic and sweet stench coming from the ground was made half part with the blood of a comrade.  
   
A woman with russet hues knelt down on one knee by the splatter of red, and as soon as her knee had hit the cold polished ground beneath her, a pause ensued before the woman’s fingers reluctantly reached out from the form of a tight fist, only to swipe the digits on the concoction of sticky liquid.  
   
There is a grunt of disgust that leaves the lips of a certain lance corporal at the brunette squad leader’s movements. But the woman on the ground does not pay heed to anything as her hands made contact with the now cold liquid, before she drew her fingers up, bespectacled hues of brown studying the smear of carmine on the pads of her right hand’s index and middle finger.  
   
The sunlight that poured in from a lone opened window lining this part of the hallways shone brightly on the puddle of red, a few too many bits and pieces of glass then being seen littered across the floors from the better lighting. And with further inspection, you could see some shards dipped in the crimson hue, while others were relatively spread apart, and then there was something that looked like the bottom quarter of those celebratory champagnes or wine bottles some people in the military would have the gall to drown themselves in when there would be some kind of event that called for such pleasantries.  
   
“It’s already dried, if not for the alcohol…” Hanji murmured from her spot, the woman then standing up before her eyes trailed onto the smear on the ground. The brunette squad leader found herself involuntarily biting her bottom lip as she furrowed her eyebrows, guilt and excessive worry making the woman more agitated by the passing minutes.  
   
Then all of a sudden, breaking the squad leader’s concentration was a voice filled with anger and resentment. The crinkling of a paper was heard as a boy with slightly disheveled beige tresses had his eyes doing quick work to scanning words of black ink. And respective to the letter, each variable the boy’s sights would detect would do nothing but add a litter more of anguish to fuel his emotions.  
   
“What the fuck is with this bullshit.” The boy muttered in disbelief as he read a letter given to him to read. And obviously, at the moment, Devan could care less about filtering his words in front of his superiors.  
   
“Well, what would you expect? This is coming from a damned psychopath.” Another voice retorted, this time coming from the raven haired girl who accompanied Devan to the Military Police Headquarters back at the innermost walls.  
   
“Guys…?”  
   
All eyes were distracted from their original positions, a girl’s rather raspy voice echoing across the halls. What once were cheery footsteps echoing the halls, were now a less enthusiastic tune. But given that the girl had been injured from the 64th expedition, the small dip in the normally carefree attitude was to be expected.  
   
“Is there something going…”  
   
The auburn haired girl’s footsteps halted abruptly as she eyed the blatantly displayed blotch of red on the ground. And right away, from the faint metallic smell alone, unless the walls produced some kind of new paint to mimic the disturbing smell of steel, then there was no need to second guess about what the puddle was made of.  
   
“Erian, go back to your room.”  
   
Erian just bit her bottom lip, and she brought her hazel eyes to meet with the brown ones of her best friend. Ysavelle had just emerged from the room the auburn haired girl had come from, the ravenette just coming out of sleep as well and the soles of her boots were like a countdown to something Erian didn’t know what exactly.  
   
But Erian knew at the end of the countdown, there was probably something worse.  
   
“Where’s (F/n)?”  
   
That’s the simple question that left Erian’s lips, and a smile was etched on the injured girl’s face. And not surprisingly, the question was met with a heavy silence. At this point, Ysavelle had just come up to stand next to the hazel eyed girl, bluish gray orbs flitting down to look at the splash of color against the gray canvas posed by the stone floors of the hallway.  
   
“Devan?” Erian tried again, a smile still present on the girl’s face, but you could see the girl biting the inside part of her bottom lip, and there was the threat of a layer of moisture on those haze l eyes.  
   
“Erian.” Krista muttered from the side, her blue orbs a little hazed at this discovery on everyone’s feet. “You should rest some m—”  
  
But the auburn haired girl paid no heed to the kind words, her heart already way into overdrive as the girl disappeared from her spot only to be seen grabbing a beige haired boy by the collar a split second later. Being a few inches short of her best friend didn’t matter, as Erian’s alabaster hued skin turned a contrasting white at the knuckles, the hands clinging to the collar of the long-sleeved, white button-up of the beige haired boy.  
   
“Where the fuck is (F/n)?” The girl seethed, and Devan could only sigh in a saddening tone, giving the girl all the answers she needed and more.  
   
“You should rest.”  
   
Devan held the auburn haired girl’s hands wringing the cloth by his neck.  
   
“(F/n)…”  
  
“Go to bed.”  
  
“Are you serious right now?” Erian asked, letting the guy go only to have her punch him by the collarbone. Devan couldn't have blocked the attack, a hiss leaving his lips as he took a step back from the impact. But honestly, even if the boy could have predicted the attack, he probably wouldn’t have moved from his spot at all.  
   
There was the need for a waking call, so that this nightmare would end.  
   
But of course, even through a million pinches multiplied by a trillion squared, there was no waking up needed because this is reality. Reality being a fucking asshole and finding bliss in throwing everyone’s lives upside down.  
   
“(F/n) is fucking missing and you expect me to sleep it off?!” Erian scoffed, the glare in those hazel hues unbefitting of her as Ysavelle had come to hold her arm back, preventing Erian from further landing hits on Devan who was just taking it without much of a will to fight back. “I don’t need an explanation to know who did this. (F/n) is with a fucking bastard, being tortured of some sadistic shit, if she’s not under the ground already!”  
   
There was a small silence, and Erian found her eyes widening at her last statement. The auburn haired girl reached out to grab her male best friend’s collar again, but then the hold was weaker now.  
   
“(F/n)…”  
   
“She’s alive.” Devan said back, knowing what the girl wanted to ask. “She’s… she’s still alive. We have until evening. And then—”  
   
“Erian, you’re bleeding.” Ysavelle suddenly muttered, and Erian looks onto her stomach, seeing the red staining the pale blue nightgown a certain (h/c) girl had presented to her as a gift about a year ago.  
   
“I guess I am.” Erian sighed, wincing as she felt a sting of pain shooting through her. It appears her little quick stunt to grab the collar of her best friend had caused her barely healing wound to open itself more and bleed through the bandages.  
   
“(F/n)’s alive.” Ysavelle said, though it appears that the ravenette said that just to soothe herself more than her bleeding friend. “She… if she was here, she wouldn't be happy about your state. You should, for the sake of all of us, get back to bed and rest.”  
   
“Ysa I—”  
   
“I’ll help search, I’ll do twice as much to cover your absence.” The girl muttered, her eyes of gray and blue hues reflecting unsaid pain and sorrow. “Just… just go back, if you know how bad it feels when (F/n) is gone, you should know it will feel the same for us if it happens to you too.”  
   
“We’ll find her.” Another voice added, and eyes looked on over to a boy with teal eyes that mimicked the lush shades of green and blue from the horizon. Determination shined in the boy’s eyes, and his words caused a chorus of nods and short promises by some of the members of the 104th.  
   
“Of course we will, so just leave it to us.” A boy with a buzz cut said, Connie’s voice a little unsure and shaky but the boy held a strong sense of responsibility as well.  
   
Reluctantly, Erian gave a nod, knowing that as soon as she agrees, she wouldn't be able to take her actions back. If she could, the auburn haired girl would scour the whole of the walls for her (h/c) haired best friend, even if she had to do it while crawling. A funny picture, yes, and still, that wouldn't even amount to the extremes the girl would go through just to keep the (e/c) eyed girl safe.  
   
Though as much as she would have wanted to look for you, she doubted she would ever get far enough before she gets tied up and tossed to a room under the pretense of resting.  
   
There was no guarantee that even if everyone in the legion was to join hands, her missing best friend would be found. But there wasn't anything wrong about hoping now wasn't there? If anything, Erian was taught to never give up. (F/n) taught her that, and that was something the auburn haired girl was going to desperately cling onto.  
   
Hope that her best friend would be out there, alive and breathing.  
   
And as much as Erian didn’t want to, she was brought back to the room to have her wound re-stitched or something again. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, having needles poke on you like you were a ripped sleeve or a washcloth needing a couple of needlework. The auburn haired girl knew that she was going to be confined to rest and the click of her door when the nurse and her ravenette best friend left, told her there wasn't going to be any escape possible to add in today’s agenda.  
   
When Ysavelle left Erian’s room, the ravenette’s stomach was queasy having to see the needle going through skin. She wanted to look away, but then there was this overprotective nature of hers. With things in complete disarray, Ysavelle’s became paranoid enough to think that maybe if she looked away from the stitching procedure, what if something happened? What if the split second that she wasn't paying attention, the next thing she knew Erian was slated for a funeral?  
   
Logic was completely messed up. But with a particular (e/c) eyed best friend missing and most likely in the hands of a seasoned and proven murderer. Who exactly wouldn't have a skewed state of mind right now?  
   
“How is she?” Devan asked, the boy waiting just down the hallways.  
   
“She took it well.” Ysavelle replied. “The nurse gave her pain killers, it should last a couple hours. I… locked her door, but I gave the nurse the key and asked if she could check up on Erian every once in a while.”  
   
Devan only hummed in response, and the two went down to the mess hall where Hanji has redirected the group of cadets from the 104th to. Across the halls, there were about five cadets cleaning up the mess of blood as per order of the Lance Corporal. There was not a need to have the blood of a comrade so shamelessly displayed for the world to see after all.  
   
When Devan and Ysavelle reached the mess hall (they had changed to their respective military attire as well, minus the 3DMG straps), Hanji was looking down at a piece of paper, that note from earlier without a doubt. And the squad leader seemed to be in deep thought, her distraction only ceasing when Ysavelle had hastily slammed the door to the mess hall shut due to her unsettled nerves.  
  
The mess hall was a empty save for the members of the 104th and the two high officials of the faction, which were Squad Leader Hanji and Lance Corporal Levi. There was no telling if the previous occupants left in a hurry to save themselves from the heavy atmosphere, or if it was just to evade the anger of the superiors who were on the edge as of late.  
  
Ysavelle realized the sets of orbs trained on her, and she quickly realized the disturbance her accidental slam of the door must have caused.  
   
“Sorry.” The ravenette uttered, but she only received a sad smile in return from the squad leader, before Hanji’s expression changed to a more serious one.  
   
“What time exactly did (F/n) disappear? The closest guess is fine.” Hanji said, to no one in particular.  
   
Devan merely looked over to a girl with brown eyes standing by the table, Vien’s body stiff and tired from the unexpected travel and searching. But like anyone else in the room, the girl was not going to back down until she sees her missing comrade back home and with a beating heart.  
   
“Sir.” Vien raised her hand, allowing or Hanji to grace the ravenette with russet stares. “The closest guess would have to be early 11 pm.”  
   
Hanji nodded, and then the woman turned around to stare at the clock plastered high up in the mess hall wall. After a short while, the brunette produced a pen from her breast pocket and scribbled something down onto the paper expressly coming from the murderer himself.  
   
“Devan, what did you do when you found out (F/n) was gone?”  
   
Devan took a deep breath before he answered. “I did a search with Vien around the perimeter of the base.”  
   
“Any clues?”  
   
“None.” Devan gritted his teeth.  
   
“From the way the stains were directed earlier, (F/n) looked to have been dragged by the hair south of the building…” Hanji muttered, a set of fingers tapping resolutely against the hardwood surface of a mess hall table. “Armin.” The woman said, causing a blond boy standing near to flinch before saluting almost automatically.  
   
“Yes, sir.” Armin uttered with urgency.  
   
“You said there were blood stains leading to the outside?” Hanji asked.  
   
“Yes.” The blue eyed cadet muttered, before biting his bottom lip.  
   
And just then, a petite blond girl had come inside the mess hall, a freckled brunette in tow, along with a boy with two tones of hair. All three cadets looked to be tired, and from the looks of their faces, it seemed the surrounding streets of the base were unfortunately void of any leads to where a (h/c) haired girl is being kept.  
   
“The man is an expert in hiding, thus I propose he hasn’t gotten far enough to reach the other end of Wall Rose. If Devan was able to search the perimeter and not see a trace of the man, I assumed he went into hiding on the nearby districts, which we’ll split into groups to search in.” Hanji said, and she looked over to the three cadets who just came inside the room. “You three can take a break.”  
   
Jean shook his head. “I don’t think I’m in a state where I can stay still.”  
   
Krista nodded her head as a silent refusal as well, whereas Ymir just stood there without a protest.  
   
Hanji gave the three a nod and proceeded onto her plan. “Our rendezvous point will be at the front of the marketplace where (F/n) and I went to. I expect all groups to meet there before sunset, to report your findings. We need to gather before the evening. The man is an expert in disguises in seems, and whose to say he won't strike and kill anyone else. The place where you’ll least expect him to be, he’ll be there. Do not hesitate to barge into a civilian home if your judgment tells you something is wrong, I will personally handle any charges you are given.”  
   
“Where’s the commander?” Ysavelle suddenly asked.  
   
“Erwin is with some of the Military Police soldiers who went here to help with the search, he is collecting Garrison records to see if in any way, the man was able to get through and bring (F/n) to Sina. He will be meeting us at the rendezvous point as well.” Hanji explained. “I have also instructed everyone physically able to join the search, the nurses and some of the superiors will be left behind to supervise the injured.”  
   
There is a small silence that settled in the group inside the mess hall, and as Hanji grabbed the lone paper on the table beside her, her hands wringing around the scrap much too hard, her final word then, is all it took for everyone to group themselves into two and head to the stables for another strenuous search.  
   
“About half a day has gone by since (F/n) was last seen. If the man stays true to his word, we have twelve hours left or so. You’re all dismissed.” Hanji said, and as rushed footsteps made it quickly outside the mess hall, the brunette squad leader sighed as if that would be able to get rid of all her problems.  
   
It took the woman a moment to notice a ravenette captain standing near her, impassive look in place, though beneath those gray hues, you could only begin to imagine the barrage of emotions the normally stoic man was having right now.  
   
“Let’s go.” Levi simply said, and Hanji would have chuckled in response if the situation wasn’t so tense right now.  
   
“Of course.” The brunette spoke, and the two superiors left the mess hall to mount their respective horses and contribute to the search of the missing cadet as well.  
   
\---------------------------------------------------------------  
   
There was the ever resounding tune of a thud, and it wasn't your heart making the noise, but your body as you were repeatedly picked up from the ground and slammed to the wall with much force you were actually surprised you weren't suffering from internal bleeding right now.  
   
You had stopped giving grunts of pain a while ago, only sharp intakes of breath being heard as you willed yourself to at least take in as much air as you could because you knew the moment you were to meet with the wall again, the air would leave your lungs harshly.  
   
After another three or so hits, you were allowed to sink into the floor, your hands bound tightly by your front like the time you woke up, and your legs were still free to roam. Now if you only had the strength and not a couple too many bruises lining your skin in parts where you’d get kicked, then maybe you would have attempted to run a while ago.  
   
Not that you didn’t already attempt and escape.  
   
When the man came to this room a while back and had greeted you a sickly good morning, you had delivered a kick to his side, and made a dash for the door in the murderer’s moment of stun. But just as you were about to reach for the doorknob with your tied hands, someone had delivered a kick to your side as well, and when you staggered, you were kneed in the stomach, causing you to fall harshly against the stone floors.  
   
After that, it was just the same cycle of being hit and attempting to hit. Except of course, the latter was a rare occurrence.  
   
You lost count of the kicks you've gotten, and the places you received them. All you knew was that it hurts, everything hurts. But even if the man would start to impale you with knives this very second, you weren't going to give the man the satisfaction by being a lifeless doll. As much as you would like to just rest and wallow in the pain emanating from practically every part of your body, you knew that you had to invest every little bit of your time to plan for escape or at least defend yourself effectively.  
   
Your head was spinning, and the man picked you up by the collar of your nightgown, his deranged smile allowing you to gather whatever strength your battered body had left to summon a glare. The glare was met with the man’s own version though, and you could see those dulled ochre hues landing on a spot at the side of your head where blood was trickling down.  
   
“You think you can still fight can you?” The man asked, a laugh being registered in your mind before you were harshly let go and you fell onto the ground. “Well let me tell you something…”  
   
The man knelt down next to you, pulling you up by the hair so you could sit up and be at face level with him.  
   
“None of this would have happened if you didn’t pull that stunt back there. You could have saved everyone the trouble, yeah?”  
   
You let out a low growl at the man’s words, ignoring your throat that was hoarse and already painful from the screams you would swallow down. The man seemed unfazed however, and he drew his hand to the cloth by your mouth. With one harsh pull, the gag in your mouth was taken off, causing you to cough and try to abuse the new breathing option to get more oxygen into your system.  
   
“You have something to say?” The man asked.  
   
“Fuck you.”  
   
“You should be nice, I hold your life in my hands.” He sneered.  
   
“I… my life.” You paused for a while to draw another breath to fuel yourself, and then you glared at the man again. “My life doesn't belong to you, or anyone.” You hissed.  
   
“I think you don’t understand.” The murdered said in a tone that felt like he was sympathizing with you, like the tones friends use when something bad happens to you and you needed to be consoled. “I can kill you right now if I want to, and no one’s going to save you this time.”  
   
“Then just fucking do it and get lost.” You breathed, every word that left your lips dripping with a mix of anger and subtle fear.  
   
“I can’t do that.” You heard the man chuckle, and he took his sights away from you gaze to look at his wrist. “But maybe soon… because your friends and I are playing a game.”  
   
The man felt you trying to test the restraints in your hands again, obvious panic in your movements as you thought your friends might be somewhere being given the same treatment you were taking right now, or maybe an ever worse scenario. The thing with this man is that games in his dictionary involved killing a hundred children, so if he could massacre that much of a number, a little more wouldn't hurt, right?  
   
“Don’t worry.” The man said, and you felt the hold in your hair loosen a bit. “You should be more worried about yourself, honestly.”  
   
The hold on your (h/c) tresses was loosened until it left the man’s grasp. Ochre hues watched as you reconnected with the gray tones beneath you, and you tried to keep the tears from falling, but your attempts failed miserably as little by little, droplets fell from your eyes to mark gray hues a little darker.  
   
“The rules are simple.” A voice uttered. “All they have to do is find you.” There was a pause, you could hear a set of footsteps pacing about, and the sound of metal being lifted up met your ears. “It’s quite funny though, that they’re all out there trying to look for you when they could have just stayed. You must be really important. But not like I care.”  
   
From the corner of your eyes, you saw a glint of metal. The oil lamp serving as the only light source in the room was casting plays on shadows as you urged yourself to look at the lunatic locked inside the room with you. In the murderer’s hands was the unmistakable figure of a 3DMG blade, except unlike the one he used before when you were a child, this one set of blades looked new.  
   
“Y’know, I was part of the military once.” The man said. “The Garrison, but then there was a fight one time I was patrolling around the top Wall Maria, and I pushed off a good friend off of the walls. The sun had barely risen then, and I remember him screaming.”  
   
You felt your blood run cold when you saw a shine in those ochre hues—and it wasn't of remorse or guilt, it was pure delight—a  shiver running down your spine as you heard another set of laughs. This was a psychopath you were dealing with, to reason with him was like talking to a rock. And if possible, you felt your heart drop to the ground at the realization that maybe things would actually end here after all.  
   
“That day I realized how good it felt. The titans were never going to disappear won’t they? You could say I snapped. But it feels good, watching people beg you for their lives like you owned it. I only put them out of their miseries. Those children would have died anyway, we all will. So I thought why not have a little fun?”  
   
“You’re insane…” You muttered after a shaky breath.  
   
The man’s grip on the blade tightened enough to make the knuckles white. And then you heard footsteps getting louder to where you were lying on the ground. You tried to shift yourself into a more comfortable position, but you were far too tired to do so, and so you just stayed there with your legs bent in an uncomfortable position as you lay on your side with your cheek meeting the stone floors of this place. (H/c) hair was splayed onto the sheet of hard gray as your (e/c) hues saw the man’s leather boots come to a stop just a few inches short of meeting with your face.  
   
“This is reality, and humanity has long lost. You’d best realize that before you leave this world.”  
   
You felt a pressure on the side of your face not pressed to the cool floors. The man had lifted a foot and was now stepping on you as if you were just a pile of dirt, and you could have sword your skull would crack from the pressure any second then.  
   
A second later and your (e/c) orbs widened when the blade of a 3DMG swiftly met with the stone floors just mere centimeters from your eyes. You hear a low rumble afterwards, knowing the man sensed the jerk your body made at the sudden action. You were scared after all, that wasn't something you could deny.  
   
After what felt like a couple more minutes, your face was spared from being one with the ground, except your stomach definitely wasn't given a break as you were kicked again, enough to send your body sliding just a little bit backwards on the smooth gray floors whose cool surface at least did a little good to soothing the warmth your body was giving out.  
   
“Be a good girl and wait.” The man chuckled as you coughed up blood. “There’s only…” There was a pause, and you heard the sounds of clothes moving slightly. “There’s only six hours left, you can wait until then, right?” The man uttered, as if he was quite disappointed that tie was moving too slow for him.  
   
There was about another set of footsteps, a silence filling the room for what felt like five minutes before the man had cautiously opened the door and left you with nothing but the company of an oil lamp that was obviously going to run out of gas soon.  
   
“Fuck… this shit…” You uttered, tears already streaming down your face without much of a restraint as you couldn’t hold your feelings back anymore.  
   
Your hands have begun to test the binding around the wrists again, but there was simply nothing to be done.  
   
From the six hour limit you were informed of, you could only assume it was a countdown, and at the very end, what awaited you was simply a descent into a permanent kind of darkness.  
  
Shakily, you bent your arms so they were resting by your face. And with a painful push that left you crying and cussing at yourself, you were able to get yourself up in a sitting position inside this lonely room.  
   
There wasn't anything much to see in this room after all, just boxes upon boxes that were filled with who knows what. And then there was the lone window, which was barred with wood to keep it from being opened, ruling out the use of the window as a possible means of escape. Off to the side, there was a litter of dust covered chairs, and then there was a desk, wood peeling off of the edges as it stood near a corner of the room.  
   
You were without a doubt, in a storage room, this was a fact you had established the moment you were able to roam around before the man found out you were awake and began to use you as some kind of punching bag.  
   
There was something quite homely about the place, a feeling that made you feel safe even in this ordeal. And that’s when your (e/c) orbs widened in realization.  
   
_"It’s quite funny though, that they’re all out there trying to look for you when they could have just stayed…"_  
   
Of course, how could you have let this bit of information slip out of you? The walls and the floors, the familiar bland design of repetitive grays you've come to love the past few months.  
   
You were in a room, a storage room specifically, somewhere, in the Scouting Legion headquarters.  
   
Everyone was out searching for you on neighboring districts or even as far as in Sina (you didn’t really know where). And you almost wanted to bang your head on the wall out of your own volition because it took you this long to figure out something so simple. All this time you assumed that you were in some old abandoned house somewhere skillfully hidden from a bystander’s point of view.  
   
But you were still home, your second home at least. You were still here in your faction’s military base. And how devastating it must be to your searching friends, when they find out too late that they didn’t need to engage such well planned searches because all they needed was to go back to base and search every room to find you.  
   
The man had knocked you out at a time where, because of the lack of superiors, there was an overabundance of cadets staying way past up bed time to console themselves with stories and the companionship of other friends. Assuming he also hit you with an alcohol bottle near a stairwell, the sound of breaking glass must have reached someone who could be walking up the stairs at the moment, or maybe just people strolling along the halls of the floors below.  
   
And the man realized that mistake, so he had to drag you away quickly, and hide you inside one of the rooms because he wouldn’t be able to drag you both quick enough to the first floor where all the entrances and exits to the headquarters were.  
   
The man was known to be an intellectual person, and seeing as he just told you he was a member of the military before, then he was skilled in some level at least.  
   
The note in Sina to rile the military was probably sitting there to be discovered why whoever for quite some time already, and as soon as the murderer had slipped the note at a place to be easily seen, you assumed the man made his way to Wall Rose quickly, finding a way to bypass the security of the Garrison so he could make it to the Scouting Legion headquarters to wait things out.  
   
And because there was an expedition early in the day, the man could have easily breached security around base due to almost everyone, except some medical staff, being the only ones left to occupy the military castle.  
   
Pretty soon, the note would have to be discovered, and the Military Police would have to send for someone to inform the Scouting Legion and the Garrison about the discovery, in which all three factions would prioritize the safety of the civilians and forget about anything else, even you, who the man was after.  
   
You let out a pissed off hiss at how you and practically everyone else was played by this man.  
   
In a state of panic and fear, people are bound to have his or her thoughts jumbled about, thus, making people become vulnerable and have their processes of thinking greatly hindered. And with the case of your friends, just the thought of your life being in the line made them go all out to search for you, forgetting one crucial detail to search the base first.  
   
Not that you could blame your comrades at all though.  
   
The person now literally able to end you anytime he wished, was a person known to the walls for being skilled in concealing himself from the face of the world. If he wasn’t, then he would have been in a dungeon right now, wasting his life away just like how he wasted other people’s lives. So having a reputation of hiding efficiently, would give people the idea he was long out of the scene of the crime, probably in some detached house in a forest cleverly hidden under shrubbery and the like.  
   
At this point you wanted to laugh at yourself, because honestly, you might have spiraled to insanity as well. Just laugh things off to forget about the pain, it seemed like a good plan. But you had a better plan in mind that involved getting up on your feet and finding any means of escape.  
   
And that was exactly what you did.  
   
Slowly bringing yourself up to your feet, you took cautious steps back until your back met with the cool wall, your aching muscles relieving itself in the soothing temperature the wall was able to give you. You could barely stand with your own two feet, so you needed something to support yourself and keep you from crashing back onto the floor. And in this case, that support was going to be the walls.  
   
You knew that the door to the room was locked, given that when the man left, there was the ever so familiar sound of your freedom being taken away by the sound of a click on the door. Your captor had the key to the room, and you only hoped he didn’t have to but a knife to any of the superior’s hearts just to acquire the piece of metal to lock you in.  
   
As much as you cared about your comrades though, you would worry about them later. Your life was basically timed right now, and because it took quite a while for you to recollect your thoughts, you assumed the six hour limit had been reduced a little.  
   
You scanned the space before you, taking in the old desk almost near the corner of the room.  
   
Without much of a thought you then made your way towards the wooden furnishing, allowing yourself to sink to your knees harshly the moment you leaned away from the stone walls.  
   
It took you a while to forget about the pain coursing through your veins from your knees, and when you were finally able to think about anything other than wanting to cry at how your body literally hurt all over, you lifted your bound hands and used the corner of the desk to try and rip through the fabric between your wrists.  
   
About the twentieth trial of hitting the fabric and swiping it down against the corner of the desk, you heard a small rip, and you felt hope swelling in you as you repeated the action over and over, with you biting your bottom lip harshly as now your wrists were slightly bleeding from both accidental hits of flesh to the corner of the wooden desk, and from how in your hasty attempts of breaking through the fabric, the dirtied off-white cloth had begun to rub against your skin harshly and would end up cutting the already irritated flesh with the rough texture.  
   
You didn’t know how long you were doing this for, but it must have taken a while. The cloth tying your wrists together was a little loose now, and bound to break in just a few more attempts of running the fabric through the pointed wooden edge. But at that moment, the sounds of footsteps were heard, and you felt your blood run cold as you heard the door being opened.  
   
The man’s ochre hues flitted around the room, and when they landed on you who was leaning against the desk while attempting to stand up, you could have sworn the guy silently laughed at your attempt to still try and lift yourself up from the ground.  
   
Good, it didn’t look like he knew you've been attempting to break your restraints for the span of time he was gone.  
   
“You never learn do you?” The man asked, and he closed the door quickly, never forgetting to lock it from the inside before he set the key onto the top of some box and made his way over to you, a 3DMG blade in hand like the time he left you.  
   
His footsteps echoed against the stone floors, and you found yourself shaking slightly from fear, though of course you tried to focus more on the fact that the bindings in your wrists were quite ready for one last meeting with the wooden desk before you free your hands from the restraints.  
   
“Ah, sadly, your friends aren't going to make it.” The man chuckled. “There’s a little less than six hours left, and you’re still alone.” He said, as if he was berating you, then feeling sympathetic about your state. “So why not cut the wait short? I wasn't one to be patient after all.”  
   
The man stopped walking as he reached you, and he pulled you by the hair again, but this time you could feel the side of a cool metal taking refuge on the nape of your neck, not quite pressing onto the skin, but you knew it would soon if you didn’t do anything by now.  
   
“At least play by the rules of the game, you bastard.” You seethed, positioning your hands on the corner of the desk reaching about your upper waist.  
   
“You didn’t play by the rules the last time.” The man uttered, and you inhaled sharply when you felt the blade just digging into your skin a little, fresh blood trickling down from where shiny silver met (s/c). “This is only fair.”  
   
You closed your eyes by then, and you took in a deep breath to calm yourself.  
   
You muttered something, catching the attention of the man behind you as he hummed, wanting to hear what could be your last words before you meet demise in a few short seconds.  
   
“What did you say?” The man uttered, glee in his voice making your stomach turn and twist over and over again.  
   
“I said…” You breathed with a wince, focusing your (e/c) orbs on your hands that have lifted itself up from the corner. “That I’d rather die… being bitten by a titan than you.”  
   
As soon as you said that, you brought your hands down onto the corner of the desk, a sickening rip proclaiming your freedom as you quickly bent with the support of the desk and turned around to deliver a kick to the man standing before you.  
   
 Honestly, in your state, whatever attack you could muster was weak. However, with the shock, the man had taken a step back, the clatter of metal resounding as it hit the stone floors. You could see a sliver of anger in those ochre hues, but there was rage building up in your own (e/c) ones.  
   
It was the spur of the moment thing.  
   
The man charged, and you ducked barely escaping his hold by a breadth as you scrambled to get the 3DMG blade reclaimed by the stone floors.  
   
You didn’t know what came over you, with your mind currently replaying nothing but the need to survive, and the next thing you knew there was blood. A whole lot, and that was the only time your (e/c) hues had reverted back from mirroring fits of rage, to showing fear and disbelief.  
   
Blood was pouring to the floors, your hands shaky as they were covered in the disgusting liquid, the man before you staring below chest level before those ochre hues lifted to catch your (e/c) ones, a laugh then breaking out from the man’s lips.  
   
“You’re no different from me now.”  
   
Those words registered in your mind, and it took you a moment to step back, withdrawing the blade that went through the man’s stomach, blood pouring out as you began backing up, but the red liquid caused you to slip. Your pale blue dress taking in shades of red that made you stare back in fear.  
   
There was another chuckle as the man fell as well, bile rising up your throat as you stared at the scene before you.  
   
You didn’t mean it.  
   
You didn’t.  
   
Or did you?  
   
Was it really just a spur of the moment thing?  
   
Questions flooded your mind, and your (e/c) orbs looked down onto your blood stained hands still holding the 3DMG blade. The metal shining with a red coat that made you release the blade. A mix of emotions surging through you as tears streamed down your face.  
   
You just killed someone.  
   
“N-no…” You uttered. “I didn’t…”  
   
You’re a murderer.  
   
“No…!”  
   
_“You’re no different from me now.”_  
   
Bile ran up your throat as you threw up, the smell of blood doing nothing to sate your nerves as you cried, the man already still a short distance away. “I’m not a murderer…” You muttered in the midst of a panic attack starting, but the red stain in your hands told you otherwise. “I’m… not.” The bloodstained 3DMG blade registered in your sights. “No, please no…”  
   
And that’s where a thought crossed you. The disgusted looks of your friends if they were to find out what you’ve done. They would hate this, this person you've become. And you didn’t know how you’ll ever be able to face them. You didn’t even know if they would like to face you after they find out what you've done.  
   
Guilt, fear, and shame swallowed you. And looking at the man lying down before you, his eyes closed and still, reality had slapped you clear across the face.  
   
You were now a murderer.  
   
There was no taking the statement back.  
   
With tears streaking your face, you shakily stood up, sobs wracking through your body as you did so. The ends of your simple pale blue nightdress was dripping with red, creating ripples across the small puddle of blood accumulating on the floor by your feet. You shakily walked over to the oil lamp that had considerably dimmed the moment you were graced by its presence.  
   
And you ignored every shoot of pain that went through your body as you shakily took the key the man left on top of a dust ridden box, and you opened the door.  
   
Your feet padded across the empty halls, meaning everyone was practically still out to search for you, and that most of the people currently occupying the castle were by the medical wing on the third east side of the building.  
   
There was a small silence as you observed your surroundings, taking in the signs that you were on the third floor’s west side. The least threaded part of the castle where there were mostly storage rooms around.  
   
The door behind you clicked to a close as you dropped the key, your hands shaky as you fell to your knees and cried, ignoring the faint smell of blood coming from the room behind you. You frantically smeared your hands on to the clean parts of your clothes, hoping to rid your palms and fingers with the deep carmine hue.  
   
And after a while, when you heard faint footsteps in the distance, you willed yourself to stand up and run to the staircase conveniently placed on this side of the hallways.  
   
Fear was built up inside of you as you hastily made your way down to the first floor.  You weren't ready to face it, to face everyone looking at you with such repulsion, to see multi-colored orbs giving you looks of contempt and utter disgust.  
   
A wrong footing caused you to slip a few steps down the stairs, but you still continued the run, ignoring the burning feeling on your legs and feet as you finally reached the first floor of the base. The headquarters was silent, but you heard faint sounds coming from the mess hall a good few halls away.  
   
Outside, the bright skies had given in to washed-out gray, rain pouring relentlessly on the ground as if to reflect this new person you’ve come to know yourself as. And without much though, even with nothing but a tattered dress to cover you, you ran to the main entrance and to the stables, only thankful no one had run into you, or that no one was outside in this kind of weather to see you.  
   
Sunset was about to happen, if wasn't already happening, and you felt like this was a way the world was sympathizing with you. As if to tell you sorry for having you put up with shit, or maybe to mirror this hollow feeling you had after realizing you've become someone you didn't really recognize anymore.  
  
When you heaved the door of the stables open, your eyes ran through shades of brown until you saw your horse. The animal looked at you and backed away in fear, causing you to walk up to the mare and stroke her mane to let her know it was you.  
   
“I’m sorry I scared you…” You uttered, and tears still streamed down your face at this moment. “I've… become a killer.” You breathed, as you led the horse outside with a gentle pull on the reins. “I’m not needed here anymore.” You said finally, before you hopped onto the horse with much effort.  
   
You took one last look onto the cold gray castle proudly standing in blankets of grass and mud where the greens could not cover. This was you running away from everything. And you hated to do this. But right now this was the only thing you could think of, just run away and hope you die somewhere. As long as you won’t get to see people turning their backs to you, repulsed at what you have done.  
   
With a flick of your reins you led your horse away from the perimeter of the base and cautiously, but quickly threaded through networks of streets. You purposely avoided the main roads and went to what could be considered those dark and shady alleys that reminded you of the time you got lost in a nearby marketplace and met a girl who so blatantly declared she wanted to fight for humanity as a member of the Scouting Legion someday.  
  
You figured people wouldn't really appreciate seeing a bloodied and bruised person in a tattered garb. So yep, you would have to make do just travelling on any road that wasn't the common one.  
   
You didn’t know where to go, but wherever it is, you were sure your home in Stohess, or Sina in general was not an option as an end destination. You would turn yourself into the military soon, but just not now. Just… you needed some time away from everyone, and that’s what you wanted to do.  
   
For a little bit, you let the rain soothe you, the harsh patter washing away the evidence of our crime from your limbs, but your dress remained a sole reminder that you could only run so far.  
   
You didn’t look back.  
   
You couldn't bear to.  
   
The well respected cadet (F/n) (L/n) of the Scouting Legion has been reduced to nothing but this heap of trash and shame. And you knew very well that you weren't going to be able to hide from this forever, let alone last long enough before you’re found. But just for a little more, you wanted to at least have the time to recollect and reflect on what you've done.  
   
Your horse neighed, and your quick running had been reduced to a slow trudging.  
  
The place was foreign to you, but this time you weren't panicked about finding a way home, because you didn’t actually have a home to return to, at least a home that would still accept you. So slowly, you trudged onto the streets, tears continuing to roll down the sides of your face with the rain as you continued this feat of yours to run away.  
   
Now as you walk through the lifeless streets, the question stands.  
   
Where will you go from now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this ;////;)' I don't know... I'm sorry? I got carried away? Normally the latest chapters would range from pages 16-25.


	38. An End To This Conundrum

A set of pools colored with a mixture of pale navy blue and gray trailed away from the scenery of the long stretched out road covered with a sheet of haziness due to a recently started cloudburst, those orbs only coming to a stop until it reaches the sight of a soaked comrade whose beige tufts stuck to his head as the rain continued to pound on their forms.  
   
The clops of the horse’s hooves on the grounds and the occasional splashes from small puddles of dirtied water continued like a rhythm around the two soldiers, both tired from hours of searching, only to report back to a certain squad leader’s rendezvous point without much of a lead as to where a girl with (h/c) strands could be taken.  
   
Biting her bottom lip, Ysavelle gulped a bit, the girl shivering from the cold as she tried to shrivel up inside her military jacket that had begun to drip due to being soaked with rainwater.  
   
Ysavelle wanted to say something, anything at all just to break this silence between her and Devan. But at the same time, the ravenette didn’t want to say anything and just let this silence overtake them as they trudged with their tired horses, to the front of a marketplace near where the Scouting Legion’s Headquarter’s should be.  
   
Slowly, Ysavelle trained her eyes back on the road, the grip of the girl’s hands on the reins of her horse turning tight with each step the horse takes, and determination shines on those blue-gray orbs. Determination that was distracted all too quickly when she felt a weight on her back and she almost fell off the horse from shock.  
   
“You might get sick.” Devan muttered, and Ysavelle stopped her horse for a bit to see that her best friend had slung his military jacket over her head.  
   
It was soaked as well, which wasn't exactly a surprise because the two have been in the rain about twenty minutes ago.  
   
Sometimes, Ysavelle thinks life is a bastard, or maybe a sadistic being that exists just to grant people a shot at the world, only to bombard these people with never ending problems that were enough for a person to want to die instead of continuing on. And this day was under the umbrella of that ‘sometimes’, because definitely, life was being a sadistic bastard right now.  
   
“It wouldn't make a difference.” Ysavelle uttered towards the beige haired boy who was slowly getting farther from her. But the girl was thankful for Devan’s kind gesture, even if the gesture in this case was definitely in vain.  
   
The two continued to ride across the streets in breakneck speeds in order to make it to the meet-up point. Honestly, to ride with such speeds worthy of being used in an expedition, inside a civilian populated area would have been dangerous. But this district, which just a couple dozen miles west of the Survey Corps base, was void of people on the streets due to the storm coming along. And if not for the weather, then the Military Police had given people the announcement to stay inside the safety of their homes.  
   
There wasn't an explanation given to the masses. But the way the announcement spread with such urgency meant the message was probably of importance, and people were nice enough to play things safe and just follow orders they were given.  
   
With the rain making things harder to see, the ever so slowly creeping darkness was a good enough indicator for the raven, and beige haired cadets that sunset was probably occurring now if not soon. And so both soldiers were forced to round up their fruitless search and hurry onto the meeting place in hopes that the other people who were searching about had any clues, even just a small thing at all, that would aid the Scouting Legion into finding the cadet that has been missing since an hour before midnight, a day ago.  
   
“Why is this happening?” Ysavelle found herself asking no one in particular, the sentence muffled about by the skies coating the earth with such a dreadful emotion with the use of the natural storm. “What did (F/n) ever do to deserve this…?”  
   
“(F/n)’s only fault is living.”  
   
Ysavelle looked over to Devan who kept his eyes on the dirt strewn roads, the reins in his hands probably about to snap soon if the guy didn’t let his hold loosen just a little bit. And it took a while for Ysavelle to let her best friend’s words sink in. Confusion then marred the ravenette’s face as she couldn't make sense of the boy’s response to her rhetorical questions.  
   
“What?” The girl asked, and then she gave the reins to her horse a good fluctuation as both were still in the middle of trying to get back to the rendezvous point where other groups, if not already there, are also currently making their way to the designated place of gathering.  
   
“It’s what it is.”  
   
“I know, but why?”  
   
“Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if (F/n) died long ago.” Devan muttered, the boy squinting his eyes as he clearly didn’t like the words leaving his lips. “Don’t worry, I don’t want it to actually have happened.” The boy said, just when he was sure Ysavelle was just about ready to tackle him and strangle him to death for talking like that about a very important friend of theirs.  
   
There was another silence for a while, and the two could already see the dampened roofs of the market place that wasn't a buzz with life that it usually should be. The weather had gotten worse than when it started, the sounds of the million falling raindrops akin to those of a bullets firing at unimaginable speeds and covering the vast landscapes.  
   
Wherever you’d look, it was either gray or brown, or another shade of something that could be a foreshadowing of darkness and immense sadness.  
   
“I just… I wished (F/n) wouldn’t have to go through this alone. When I said that I wondered if it would have been better if (F/n) died long ago, it was because maybe if that happened, then she wouldn't have to be suffering alone right now. I don’t… I don’t even know if she’s alive to be honest. She could be long d—”  
   
“Don’t.” Ysavelle interjected Devan’s sentence before she could hear that one word that might well just do good in bringing her to madness. “I get it. Don’t say it.” The girl seethed, a slight sheen of moisture collecting over those bluish gray orbs and threatening to spill a drop or two if the girl did as much as just blink her eyes.  
   
“I’m sorry.” Devan only responded.  
   
“It’s… okay.” Ysavelle said, the girl then forcing a smile to come out of her.  
   
And the two had come to a stop after a few more minutes of leading their horses through the drenched and lonely paths. The horses giving out an appreciated neigh as Ysavelle and Devan had pulled on the reins in front of a liquor store of sorts, and just continued on a slow walking, towards a spot in the open where they could make out what was about four of their superiors from the 104th.  
   
Ysavelle squinted her eyes to try and see her surroundings better. And though the narrowing of eyes didn’t do much for the sights, given that the downpour was like a blurred set of immovable spectacles, the ravenette was at least able to conclude that the woman herself who instructed and declared the designated meeting area was nowhere to be seen.  
   
“Ysavelle, Devan!” A voice said, the sound riding across the pitter patter of the rain and the occasional claps of thunder matched with the neighs of the horses who would very much appreciate to be in the stables right now, than out in the open and drenched in the harsh element of water.  
   
In front of the two cadets from the 105th was Sasha and Jean, the pair who took to the east districts for their search. And beside the pair from the 104th was the two-person combination of Reiner and Eren, who didn’t look like they had anything much to report with their search a little up in the north-west districts as well.  
   
“Did you find any…” Sasha trailed off, and Ysavelle met her superior’s eyes with a look that answered all the brunette’s questions. But just for good measure, the ravenette willed herself to speak just so that she could distract herself from wanting to fall off her horse and begin crying against the roads of the marketplace.  
   
“No...” Ysavelle began, and the girl took a sharp intake of breath before attempting to speak with a less shaky voice this time around. “There weren't any leads we could find.”  
   
“Ahh, fuck.” Jean hissed.  
   
“Oi, maybe the other groups have found something.” Reiner spoke up, the blond boy obviously trying to lighten up the situation that has already been immersed into burning coals hours ago.  
   
After a few more minutes of just talking about things and their own personal theories which went as far as the (h/c) haired girl being held hostage in the inner walls or even outside—which was an impossible thing—the hooves of a couple set of more horses added to the backdrop of the raging storm.  
   
Devan and Eren were the first ones to notice, the two being the pair that wasn't really interested in baseless talk and instead just grazed their eyes over the scenery in search for their other friends who were bound to come soon. Time was running out, and the skies were beginning to bleed out colors of ebony mixed with sapphire and amethyst undertones.  
   
All talk ceased when a petite blond girl made it to the rendezvous point, behind her was Connie, and then came the other pairs, respectively Ymir and Bertholdt, Hanji and Levi, and the last was a trio, composed of Armin, Mikasa, and Vien. And all hope shriveled away just as fast, when the pairs arrived one after the other, looking either pissed off or worried because each were not able to get a lead as well.  
   
There were other groups dispatched under other officers in the legion, so by now most of the surrounding area from the Scouting Legion had to be covered. But if this group couldn't find any, what if the other groups were just the same as well?  
  
It wasn't much to ask now wasn't it?  
   
They just needed a little hint, anything at all to help. What everyone didn’t need was a platter of exhaustion and anxiety, laced around the top with bits and shreds of guilt and remorse, and laden with icing of worry and frustration. Was it really too much to ask for a single clue to the whereabouts of a comrade? Apparently, it was. That, or maybe life was just all fine and happy being a real jerk this time around.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji!” Ysavelle shouted, the girl catching the attention of the woman who was panting heavily and hunched back a little bit.  
   
“There wasn't anything.” Hanji replied, the brunette woman knowing all too well what the ravenette wanted to ask of her.  
   
Overhead, the rain had begun to at least pity the group of tired soldier, the droplets falling onto the grounds harshly just moments ago, now falling softly. There was still the impact, yes, but at least it didn’t feel like blunt needles were being hit against skin anymore. And the roads were much easier to see now, seeing that the sheet of blurring the storm had cast, was reduced a little.  
   
“We’re never going to find her aren't we?” Devan said in frustration the moment he realized none of these people, or that all these hours of searching for that matter, brought nothing but an ache in the muscles and panic to rise so high the boy was beginning to feel sick from it. “Fucking damn it!”  
   
“Devan…” Ysavelle started, but Hanji drew a hand up to stop the girl from talking.  
   
Everyone was clearly frustrated. It was a slip of the mind, a complete blunder in Hanji’s part that she was not able to see past the note and realize that (F/n) had been the target this time. No, (F/n) has always been the target, the man was like a forlorn lover, hung up about a girl he couldn't have. And the brunette squad leader felt sick in her stomach for things to have gone to this.  
   
The moment the woman saved the girl from that house in Stohess years ago, there was the silent promise to ensure the girl wouldn't have to relive those hellish days again. And yet here was the current situation, where the said girl from years ago was now in the hands of a serial killer. And who honestly knows if the man would keep his word about the deadline. He wasn't exactly the more trustworthy person inside the walls.  
   
No one, with a reputation of killing near a hundred (or maybe more that weren't recorded), would ever be labeled a trusted person even in dreams.  
   
“What time is it?” Hanji asked quickly, panic coating her form as the small pinpricks of the rain began to reach a more lenient medium.  
   
“It’s about early six…” Ysavelle replied, the girl having worn an old watch her foster mother had given her. “That means…”  
   
“There’s about less than six hours left for us to find (F/n).” Hanji said, the woman biting her bottom lip as she took off her glasses to at least shake off the drops of water accumulating on the transparent lens. “We might have to go to Sina.” Hanji muttered to herself. “But no… there—maybe…”  
   
“Wait!” Armin shouted, and shades of different colored orbs settled onto looking at the blond boy’s soaked figure.  
   
“Spit it out.” The lance corporal uttered with annoyance. Though truthfully speaking, the raven haired man’s irritation was not directed to his subordinate. It was basically this situation everyone was in, and the feeling that someone he had taken quite the hard fall for was now facing a tough situation all alone.  
   
“The blood…” Armin trailed off.  
   
“What is it?” A boy with teal eyes impatiently urged, Eren’s tone a little more hopeful than the brunette would have liked.  
   
The brunette squad leader looked over to the blond boy, an eyebrow of her raised as she replaced the glasses on the bridge of her nose again. It was still hard to see, it’s one of the downs of needing to wear glasses and it’s raining outside, but Hanji didn’t let her sights bother her as she trained her gaze towards the soaked cadet with the cerulean hued orbs.  
   
“What blood? Did you get hit or something?” Jean said.  
   
“N-no!” Armin quickly replied. “I’m talking about the one back at base.”  
   
“What about it?” Ysavelle muttered.  
   
“It led outside, but it only went as far as the stables, nothing else.” Armin said.  
   
“Doesn't that just tell us the man escaped?” Devan said, irritation lining the beige haired boy’s face because the fact that (F/n) was whisked away unconscious and now possibly having a reunion with death, was not something to be shoved in his face over and over again.  
   
“No wait.” Hanji said quickly, the brunette woman now deep in thought as she let Armin’s sentence settle in her mind.  
   
The rain was still ongoing, and given the way it hasn’t been long since the downpour started, and that there was an overabundance of gray clouds above, it seems the rain wasn't going to stop any sooner as well. But being drenched wasn't really anyone’s concern for now. Everyone was long soaked and shivering in the cold, but that didn’t matter.  
   
“What you’re trying to say is…” Hanji trailed off, and for a small second, it felt as if realization shone on those russet hues. The brunette woman quickly looked over to the blond, as if asking a telepathic question if they were on the same page with this realization.  
   
“If…” Armin began, the boy taking a gulp of air before continuing. “Think about it. If (F/n) was bleeding when she was brought out, we should see another trail of blood going out the stables. The blood was only leading inside, it never left.”  
   
“But there wasn't anyone in the stables.” Krista helpfully pointed out. “And there were traces of footsteps hastily going down the main staircase and out of the door.”  
   
“Exactly.” Hanji muttered, and then the woman remembered the puddle of blood by the staircase earlier. “Someone stepped on it purposely.”  
   
“What?” Vien asked, the girl a little confused.  
   
“Someone please fucking tell me what is going on.” Connie said, the boy clearly at a loss about all this talk as well, and not being able to get a single thing his fellow soldiers were talking about. “Does anyone know where (F/n) is, or are we just playing around here?”  
   
“The puddle.” Hanji then uttered, and she looked to the lance corporal who remained a few inches away and just watching over the situation with much irritation in those gunmetal hues. “It looked like someone stepped into it. I mean, if (F/n) was hit and dragged by the hair or carried even, the man wouldn't have stepped into the blood, seeing as he was behind when he hit (F/n), otherwise (F/n) would have seen and evaded. There was an imprint of the soles of boots on the puddle, barely noticeable but it was there.”  
   
“What the fuck you getting at, Hanji.” Levi said, and the man was practically the epitome of serious right now as he trained his eyes to his longstanding friend who was babbling about that disgusting hue of red that embodied the failure of the legion as a whole to protect a soldier under its protection.  
   
“What I’m saying is… who’s to say the man didn’t drag (F/n) somewhere, clean the evidence, and make tracks to mislead us.” The brunette answered.  
   
“(F/n) is at the headquarters. She wasn't taken out all along.” Armin translated the brunette squad leader’s words in a better way, and this allowed everyone a small period of reflection. “It makes sense, nobody bothered to search the base after all. We focused on the outside.”  
   
“Is it a joke?” Reiner spoke up after a while. “You’re saying we could have found (F/n) right then instead of doing all this?”  
   
“Reiner…” Bertholdt uttered, the tall boy looking like he was trying to alleviate his blond friend who was looking pissed at the moment.  
   
“Then what are we waiting for?” Ysavelle interjected everyone’s chatter, the girl already turning her horse to the direction of the castle. “Let’s go!”  
   
There was a wordless response as the ravenette gave her reins a flick and her horse sped across the streets. The girl doesn't care about anything at the moment, just this budding feeling of relief that (F/n) could be at the headquarters all this time. The chance that Armin or Hanji was wrong with their speculations did make its way over to the ravenette’s head, but Ysavelle just stubbornly pushed those negative ideas away.  
   
And judging from the faint thumps a little ways behind her, it seems everyone was just as desperate as the raven haired cadet to put a stop to this and keep her best friend safe for good.  
   
There was still a good amount of time before the deadline of an hour before midnight. And that meant the curtains of this game would have to draw onto a close sooner than expected. Fortunately for them, and unfortunately for the man who started this blasted play in the first place.  
   
Ysavelle was the first to reach the base, the rain still shedding a rather gloomy air around the general space, but the ravenette couldn't have cared less as she dismounted her horse by the entrance of the Scouting Legion’s castle and began to go to the mess hall in hopes to find people to help quicken the search of the whole base.  
   
It was near dinner time, and the cadets of the 105th had the usual knack to spend time in the mess hall. It was the lounging room of sorts for the 105th, given that it was the only room inside the base that would fit the lot of soldiers. The fact that the recent batch of successful trainee graduates were not scolded for claiming the mess hall as a common room was a plus too.  
   
So it wasn't anything of a shock when Ysavelle burst through the wooden doors to the dining area and saw quite the hefty amount of comrades chattering about. But it was a shock for the cadets who saw the soldier soaked from head to toe. The ends of the raven strands even dripping as we speak, but if anything, Ysavelle didn’t obviously give a damn about it.  
   
“Guys, we have a lead in. Where (F/n) is.” The ravenette uttered in between pants, and then the next that was heard was the swift scraping of chairs against the polished stone.  
   
“Where is it?” A girl spoke, and Ysavelle stared at her for a while, quite shocked that the least person she’d ever think to be interested in this was actually the first person to speak. And the girl looked just as stressed as everyone was, or maybe even more.  
   
“Aria…” Ysavelle trailed off, and the girl just gave a scoff.  
   
“I owe her.” Aria simple spat back. “She saved me once, this is a favor I’m doing for her.” The girl with the blond tresses continued. “And… she’s my friend, now hurry up and say it before I fucking turn all the tables around.”  
   
Ysavelle shouldn't have been able to smile in this kind of situation, but the girl did anyway. The relief was too immense as well. “She’s in here.”  
   
“Come again?” Another cadet said with quite the agitation in the tone of voice. This time, the speaker was a girl with platinum blond hair and honey colored eyes, specifically Fleur Cossette, graduated 10th in the 105th, and a good friend of (F/n) from the days they would be assigned rooms to clean together or be part of the same team in 3DMG training.  
   
“She’s somewhere here.” Ysavelle repeated with a sense of priority. The smile now wiped off of the ravenette’s features as she remembered there wasn't much to celebrate right now. Not until (F/n) is located and confirmed to have a beating heart. “We don’t know where but she’s here. Please, guys… please help s—”  
   
“I don’t think you need to ask.” Aria spat back, and the blond girl had already walked to the ravenette girl by the doorway, those blue eyes holding in them a seriousness never before seen on the usually distant cadet.  
   
“Thank you…” Ysavelle muttered, and you could see the girl tearing up a bit in relief.  
   
“It’s not the time to be sentimental.” Aria responded. “Save it for when we find her.”  
   
Those words were the last spoken until the forty or so cadets in the mess hall decided to rush to the hallways just in time to see some of the members of the 104th and two superiors walk into the interior of the castle ruggedly. The faint neighs coming from the outside told everyone the urgency of the situation, seeing as the superiors just left their horses out in the open (probably not restrained and free to roam as well), just to prioritize finding the missing girl that had everyone’s blood circulation going to extremes.  
   
It wasn't that long when everyone was given designated areas to search, and it took a shorter amount of time or all the cadets to disperse and have the sounds of doors being opened hastily to fill the military headquarters.  
   
At some point in time, some other cadets who were either sleeping in their rooms or talking to other friends in another bedroom had come to check out the commotion. And then after a small explanation by whoever could spare the time, the confused cadets became a new addition to the ones already searching about in the halls.  
   
Shouts of confirmations that rooms were clear had arisen in the air. And just so that people wouldn't waste time in checking already searched rooms, everyone had come to an agreement that once a room was searched and said to be clear, the door would be kept open regardless of whether there were people inside or not—with in most cases, people weren't going to be in the searched rooms because they would join the search just as quickly.  
   
Unless the person was sick or still suffering from an aftereffect brought by the previous expedition, then that would be the only case where a person would reluctantly stay back in the room and just see people rushing past the opened doors, going to and fro in the hallways.  
   
In about thirty minutes, a good portion of the headquarters was already filled with opened bedroom or storage doors. Even some of the superiors who were doing paperwork had left the stacks of papers in favor of lending a hand to this quest of sorts to find the (h/c) haired girl.  
   
It was like a game of hide-and-seek to be honest, but that didn’t matter, since there were about a couple dozen people searching for the hidden girl. Armin was beginning to worry at one point that his idea was wrong and that everyone was just spending their efforts for another useless thing.  
   
But there was a small sprinkle of hope, and the blond cadet was going to hold onto that as much as he could.  
   
Armin was by the third floor conducting his search in the area the opposite direction of the medical wing. A few hallways down, he and his two best friends Eren and Mikasa had split to expand the area of their searching. Everyone else was either on the side nearest to the medical wing, or on the floors below, with people wanting to clear all floors from suspicion before slowly moving up.  
   
Armin had already left open his fifteenth door or so, the boy feeling a little cautious as he was in an area that lacked quite the illumination, seeing as this side of the castle wasn't frequently threaded unless there was a shortage on some items for the expedition, or someone with much time on their hands had decided to walk over here for the heck of it.  
   
Even the Lance Corporal himself didn’t visit this place much even with the dust quite obviously recollecting inside the rooms. This side of the castle served as a kind of dump for storage after all. But that was exactly the feeling that made Armin have the need to search the place.  
   
 The rain outside and the rising of the evening made it feel like the hallways stretched onto a darkness that the blond cadet was quite scared to go into. But the image of a (e/c) eyed girl backed into a room and shivering out of fear was more than enough motivation for Armin to pick up pieces of his courage and continue on with opening the doors to this side of the halls.  
   
On the occasional moments where a door was locked shut, Armin would listen for a while, for any sound at all that would give him a clue that someone was being kept inside. It was quite often that this happened, and it was pretty normal since no one really paid much attention to this side of the castle unless some things needed to be put away for a hopeful later use.  
   
In any case, Armin would a lot about ten counts into the listening, and once he would hear nothing but silence, the boy would continue onto the next door.  
   
It was after a couple more doors that Armin was able to see a small glint against the stone floors, the boy’s instincts quickly allowing his feet to break into a small jog to speed up his pace in order to take a look at the mysterious object reflecting in the light of the lamp he had gotten from one of the rooms he looked into a couple minutes ago.  
   
Light wasn’t really scarce in this area, but it was still quite hard to see nonetheless. So the lamp was a good aid.  
   
When Armin stopped to where he was sure he saw the sign, he saw a silver key, but the odd thing was that it wasn't all just metallic gray. There was deep red seeping onto the designs of the head of the key, and the boy found himself looking at small smudges of blood by his feet.  
   
Fear bubbled up in the boy’s gut, and that’s when he realized the faint smell of iron coming from the room this key was left in front of. Unconsciously, the boy gripped the handle of the lamp in his hands a little tightly, and while he didn’t remove his sights from the wooden door that he believed would hold one of his greatest fears—specifically the fear or finding a beloved dead—Armin shouted down to the halls, hoping someone would hear him.  
   
“Eren! Mikasa! I think I found something!”  
   
The blond boy’s words were met with nothing but silence, and so Armin just decided to put his hand onto the door and push it open. Hoping that whatever he sees inside wasn't what he thought it was going to be.  
   
Once the boy had shined some light inside the room, there was a shout that filled the hallways, one that was probably loud enough for everyone to hear since the sounds of rushed footsteps made its way up the scares or down the halls the moment Armin let the scream leave his lips.  
   
Blue eyes were trained at the scene before him, the door opened quite well enough to give a good look inside the room. Armin had taken a few steps back in horror at what he saw, and he tripped his feet on the third or so step of retreat, the lamp in his hands rolling a small distance away before coming to a stop at losing its momentum.  
   
“Armin, what’s wrong?” A voice resounded in the hallways, matched with the tune of footsteps.  
   
Armin could only peel his eyes from what was inside the room after a good amount of effort. But words still failed the boy as he saw the brunette and ravenette friends of his making their way down the hallways with worry in their features.  
   
“E-Eren…” Armin could only mutter, words still failing the cadet as all he could do was to raise a shaky arm to point inside the room.  
   
And when the brunette had reached the place where his best friend was, all confusion was wiped out of his teal orbs the moment he caught a good eyeful of the horror an old storage room held.  
   
There was blood on the floors, and the source seemed to come from a man that had fallen on the ground, eyes closed and the form still, as blood continued to trickle from a gaping wounds at his stomach, which with further inspection, one could see that the wound was most likely done with the use of the lone 3DMG blade lying in the puddle of red.  
   
Mikasa was quick to recover from the shock of the scene as the girl helped her blond friend from the ground and kept supporting the boy who still seemed to be weak at the knees.  
   
It wasn't that long when a crowd of people gathered, gasps and those I’m-going-to-throw-up hacks filling the tense air that surrounded the group standing by the opened door, sets of orbs finding it hard to take the sights away from the blood staining the gray floors.  
   
In a few more seconds, a brunette squad leader had pushed herself to the front of the accumulating crowd. And when Hanji’s russet orbs met with the gruesome sight before her, the first thing the woman did was walk inside the room and squat beside the man.  
   
With much disgust in her features, Hanji felt for a pulse on the man’s neck. And after half a minute or so, the woman stood up, dismissing the group of cadets outside onto their respective rooms before asking someone who looked capable enough to not throw up, to go into the medical wing and report an emergency and ask for a medical aid.  
   
Before the crowd standing outside the particular storage room was dispersed, a trio of two ravenette girls and a beige haired boy had made it to the scene, all three colored orbs landing onto the man lying in a pool of what could only be his own blood.  
   
“This…” Vien was the first to speak from the trio  
   
“It’s him.” Devan muttered, and to be honest, the boy hasn’t actually seen the killer before in his life, well aside from that day where (F/n) was whisked away in his childhood, but he was standing a long distance away and could not see the man’s features quite clearly. But then,  with the current situation at hand, who else could this guy be, if not that deranged murderer?  
   
“Wh-where’s (F/n)?” Ysavelle asked quite frantically, her blue-gray eyes looking towards that of the brunette squad leader standing silently inside the room and facing the unconscious man.  
   
“This is recent.” Hanji uttered, the rich smell of the blood alone doing well as back-up evidence for the brunette’s words.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji…” Eren began, the boy and his two friends who were among the firsts to see this mess had stayed behind as most of the other cadets had left their spot by the doorway. “(F/n) is…”  
   
“She isn't here.” The squad leader said tersely, and you could hear the slight disappointment and the heavy frustration in her voice.  
   
Nothing more could have been said, and not that anything else could be said as well, since the lance corporal’s footsteps resounded in the now almost empty halls, behind the man was the cadet Hanji has instructed to inform the medical win of the situation. Which of course, the male cadet did well, seeing as behind him was trailing a nurse who was quite worried about this ‘emergency’.  
   
“Where’s the brat?” Levi said when he got a good look at the room and had stood relatively near the brunette squad leader before those steely gray eyes stared down to the seemingly lifeless man on the ground.  
   
“She’s… gone. She ran away… knowing (F/n), she must have thought that we would be repulsed by this. No, repulsed by her.” Hanji muttered, her breathing tense as the medical aid had taken her attention away from the man on the ground and the two women began to converse.  
   
“Fucking brat.” Levi just sighed as he turned around and glared at some of the cadets still lingering by. “You’re dismissed.” He seethed.  
   
And the venom dripping in those two words were enough to let the remaining soldiers outside the room to quickly return to their rooms or to the medical facilities to get some pills to soothe their stomachs that had twisted about at such a grotesque scene.  
   
**4 months later:**  
   
There wasn't much going on at the Scouting Legion right now, or for the past few months for that matter, ever since the case of the capture of the most feared human in the walls was put to a close. And the latest that might ever happen for the faction, aside from training and the usual chores would have to be an expedition slated to occur in a good half a year away.  
   
The Scouting Legion was commended by the residents of the walls for the containment of the worst criminal to ever grace humanity with his presence. But even from the formal parties held in Sina as thanks, or the looks of respect and wonder civilians gave to the members of the faction, everyone who was a member of the Scouting Legion though, knew that the credit wasn't theirs to take.  
   
The doors to the mess hall opened just past lunch, a brunette squad leader walking inside with a brown paper bag full of whatever took her fancy when she went to the marketplace to deliver another set of documents from the commander onto a trusted person that would send the important papers to the Military Police and the Garrison unscathed.  
   
Hanji must have just gone shopping as a side job. The woman was already in the marketplace anyway, and it was her money alone that was spent. So everyone just didn’t bother about the cheery woman as a particular set of people kept playing with their food.  
   
“Squad Leader…” A voice uttered, the sound coming from a girl of auburn hair as she stood up from her seat, the ensemble of food on the tray in front of where the cadet sat was left untouched as per usual.  
   
“Sorry Erian.” Hanji only said in response. “I still… can’t find a lead to where she is.”  
   
Silence overtook the table of people where the auburn haired girl was sitting with, and you could feel the atmosphere around the said table grow a little too tense. Everyone else understood the sullen moods of their superiors and other friends though, because honestly, the people in the faction were still pretty much affected by what happened the eve after the 64th expedition.  
   
The specific event on the eve of the latest completed expedition, which concerned a (h/c) haired girl who was never to be seen again ever since a disturbing discovery on a storage room on the least visited area in the castle.  
   
“I see…” Erian’s voice was shaky as she replied, and the girl went back to her seat to take a spoon and languidly stir the soup on her tray.  
   
The auburn haired girl resisted the urge to flood her food with tears, her hazel eyes trying so hard to hold back the waterworks because she has cried quite a lot lately, more often at night when she was about to sleep.  
   
Erian was already fine from the wound she got on the 64th expedition outside the walls, and she owed her life to her best friend (F/c). So you could only imagine the guilt building up inside the girl when her best friend was facing possibly one of the worst days of her life, and all the auburn haired cadet could do was to lie in bed and hope things would turn out well in the end.  
   
Things did turn out well in the end, the man already long off of the wanted list and the girl he was planning to kill was alive out there. But that was it. The (h/c) haired cadet ran away and has not been seen ever since the incident.  
   
For a month or so, everyone still tried to find the girl, to tell her things were fine and that she needn't worry about everyone giving her scorn for driving a blade through a man’s stomach. It was an act of self defense, and heck if it wasn't, then the man had it coming anyway. There wasn't anything wrong about that.  
   
Now anyway, after a month had passed and there was still no trace of the (h/c) haired cadet aside from that her respective horse courtesy of the legion was missing, and that she probably escaped on one of the side entrances of the castle, there wasn't anything more to find out about the girl so some people just decided to respect the girl’s wishes.  
   
(F/n) would come out eventually when the time comes, and four months was quite enough waiting time, some people thought. But to people who personally knew the (e/c) eyed girl, the likelihood that she would live her whole life hiding was a rather big chance.  
   
“You guys should eat more.”  
   
Hanji’s voice snapped some of the people in a particular table away from their trances, and a specific corporal had just taken a cup to take a sip of his tea, and almost automatically, a dissatisfied expression was reflected in the man’s features as the drink in the ceramic cup had lost the warmth it initially held.  
   
“Here, I bought something to add onto the bread.” Hanji quipped again, and she took out a jar of what looked like a pale brown substance with chunks of something hard to discern.  
   
The presentation was quite simple, with just the jar that was about a few inches tall and wide enough to barely fit the squad leader’s palm, the concoction of brown inside, and a white lid on top.  
   
“What the fuck is that?” A voice muttered, and Hanji could only send a small glare to the lance corporal sitting on the middle of the other end of the table.  
   
“It’s jam.” Hanji said with a roll of her eyes, the woman earning herself a click of the tongue from the captain who just continued to look like he was enjoying his tea when he clearly didn’t. “A lot of people were saying I should but one since it tastes good, and it was pretty cheap too.” Hanji continued, each word leaving her lips adding nothing but suspicion in sets of colored hues.  
   
“Didn’t you just get scammed?” A blond muttered, Reiner giving everyone a shrug even when a dark haired boy sitting beside him had looked at him in disbelief. “What, it’s possible.” Reiner only said, and this caused Hanji to slam the jar on the table.  
   
“If you don’t want to eat it, then I will.” The woman declared, but then Erian had grabbed the jar and was already prying the lid open.  
   
“I’m taking some, if you don’t mind.” The auburn haired girl uttered, to which Hanji just smiled at before the woman disappeared into the kitchen to grab a piece of bread and a butter knife.  
   
When Erian had successfully opened the lid of the jar with a pop, a sweet smell filled the air, and Hanji had just come back right at that moment to catch the scent of the bread condiment.  
   
“That smells quite nice.” The brunette woman remarked, and some of the people in the table found themselves wanting to take a chance at fate and down their bread with this yellow-orange-brown colored kind of spread, otherwise known simply as apple jam, or at least that’s what the squad leader told them.  
   
Hanji stuck the bread knife onto the jar and made an even layer of the substance on the piece of bread in her other hand. And afterwards, the woman lent the knife to Erian who was eager for a taste as well. Everyone in the table still had their appetites on a low minimum though, but since Hanji did go well out of her way to buy this in hopes of cheering everyone up somehow, then the least people could do was actually try the apple concoction.  
  
When Erian was done topping her bread with the jam, the knife and jar ensemble was passed around the table, even reaching towards the corporal who reluctantly spread a bit of the sweet substance onto his bread before the lid was replaced and the knife was deposited to the kitchen sink.  
   
People ate in silence by then, but Erian still stared at her bread as if she was ready to eat it, but the action was never seen through.  
   
“It tastes really good Erian.” Ysavelle commented, the ravenette’s words seemingly genuine as she took another bite of her bread. “Don’t you think so, Dev?”  
   
“Ahh, yeah.” The boy responded, but the lack of his response in general was probably due to the fact that the boy’s mind was somewhere out there, thinking about things that people didn’t need to voice out to know.  
   
Erian sighed before sinking her teeth onto the rather hard bread, but the jam really was good, and that was enough to have the girl eating through her bread. The jam had this kind of homely taste, if that was actually possible, and as sappy as it was, the jam’s recipe could have been one that the late mother of the auburn haired girl would say to be made with ‘love and care’.  
   
Love and care, who knows what those tasted like? But if this jam was that, then it was a nice taste.  
   
And all of a sudden, a memory was sparked in the hazel eyed girl’s mind. The abrupt standing up of the girl causing the bites of the bread to momentarily halt, and Hanji’s brown orbs looked on over the female cadet.  
   
“Sir!” Erian shouted, causing Hanji to raise an eyebrow in confusion.  
   
“Yes?”  
   
“Where did you buy the jam?” The girl asked eagerly.  
   
“It’s on a store about the middle of the market place, the market that’s near the base.” Hanji uttered, a little amused at the girl’s attitude, but a tad curious as well. “Why…?”  
   
“I want to buy more!” Erian simply said, a spark of enthusiasm on the female’s voice as the girl made her way towards the mess hall entrance, bread still in hand. “I will be skipping training today, please punish me accordingly when I get back! Thank you for the information, sir!”  
   
Erian gave a quick salute and left the mess hall to run to her respective room to fetch a few coins—remnants of this small job she did back in Stohess as an apprentice to a bakery just two houses down her place of residence—and once the coins were collected and secured in her military jacket’s breast pocket, the girl ran to the stables to get her horse and she was off into the streets in no time.  
   
Back at the mess hall, it was rather quiet, everyone just staring at the long closed door leading to the hallways before they began to eat their bread again.  
   
“What was that for?” Connie said after swallowing.  
   
And almost everyone just shrugged in response to the boy’s words. That was quite a weird scenario to be honest, the girl's sudden change from gloom to cheery just by way of a a marketed good. But Erian was quite prone to swings in her moods, that, or the girl was simply just looking for anything to distract herself from the still missing (h/c) haired best friend of hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go before we reach the endings! Thank you for making it this far! ^^


	39. No Letting You Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lengthy A/N below with details for the endings! Please give it a read!
> 
> Also, pronounce it what you think fits best, but this is how I do it:
> 
> Reau - Re-you  
> Ysavelle - Yisa-vel (yisa, like yeesa, and v the way you would pronounce it in veil)
> 
> It's just that I've had people say before they don't know how to say Ysa's name ///A///

When you opened your eyes, you spent a couple minutes just staring at the plain off-white ceiling of your bedroom before you were finally able to sit up from bed.  
   
“Ahh, fuck…” You muttered to yourself, and you ran a shaky hand against your tousled (h/c) locks as if that would erase the feeling of fear that has been coursing through your body since that day four months ago.  
   
You thought for a moment, how nice it was that it was basically a biological phenomenon that when you wake up from a dream (or in this case a nightmare), most of the contents of the dream wouldn't even be remembered at the moment of waking. But you knew though, that even without much of a recollection for what your unconscious mind had conjured up during sleep, you knew that you just had another nightmare, because how else could you describe the fast thumping of your heart against your chest when all you did was just sleep?  
   
But it was good that the nightmares didn’t come as much as before though. And even if that was the case, it didn’t mean that you could sleep without troubles or finally fix that insomniac attitude of yours that has been a part of you since your much beloved childhood days starting from the point where everything went downhill.  
   
“Did you get that thing again?”  
   
You snapped your head to the side, to see a woman just about late in her twenties with a knowing smile on her face as she stood by the doorways of your room with a glass of water clasped on one hand that was toned a lighter olive hue.  
   
Honey colored eyes looked onto you with hidden anxiety, worry being the most prominent in the woman’s features as she took her leather slipper clad feet inside your bedroom cautiously and set the glass of water in her hands onto the surface of the small wooden nightstand just a few inches away from the headboard of your bed.  
   
With each step the woman took, you noticed simple things about her that has been a normal image for you for the past few months, like how the woman had her ebony hued hair pulled up into a messy bun today, and her attire was composed of her usual ensemble of a pale beige collared long-sleeved button-up shirt tucked into a flowing light brown skirt that reached just above her ankles. And then draped by the waist would be a washed-out white apron that reached until where the knees should be.  
   
When you reached those honey colored orbs again, it took you a moment to notice that you have been doing quick breathing sets for a while now, and there was also the rushed palpitations in your pulse. And then another moment more was spent for you to furrow your eyebrows subtly because you didn’t like how jittery you've become lately. Afterwards, you were able to take in a deep breath before your lips broke into a small smile and you gave a nod as response to the woman’s earlier question.  
   
“Sorry… Miss Reau.” You said after a while, and the woman only gave you a sigh before she sat by your bedside and ruffled your already messed up hair.  
   
“I told you, it’s okay to call me by my first name.” The woman simply said. But when she knew you were about to do as she asked, the woman just smiled and stood up. “You should rest up some more, okay? If you want to help with things, then just go to the kitchen after you've eaten and taken a bath.”  
   
You gave a nod at the woman’s words, and a smile just to keep her worry at bay. And that seemed to do the trick, because the person left your bedroom after slowly closing the door, an obvious smile on the adult’s face before the door was able to conceal her face from your (e/c) pools.  
   
Now with you all left to yourself again, you found yourself taking the transparent cylinder left by the nightstand, the water inside the glass sloshing around a bit before you were able to press the rim to your lips and take a good gulp of water to calm fix the problem of your dried throat.  
   
You spent a good few minutes occasionally bringing the glass to take a small drink as your mind wandered elsewhere, before you finally settled with just looking at the bedroom you've claimed as your own for a while now.  
   
Four months ago, on a day where the weather wasn't really as lenient, you ran away from what could be considered the entirety of your life, which basically went along the lines o you being a cadet of the Scouting Legion, a pride of the faction as is anyone who was brave enough to join the cause of saving humanity from the constraints the titans posed. Cadet (F/n) (L/n) of the 105th Trainees Squad, and probably one of the most problematic soldiers laced with too many flaws to count.  
   
But that life was a past endeavor. As right now you were simply a hollow shell with the sign of a murderer hanging over your head in lights that would catch anyone’s attention.  
   
When you ran away from headquarters with your trusted horse, you could only go so far before fatigue and blood loss got the best of you, causing you to fall off the animal and land on the middle of some kind of deserted alleyway with the rain beating against your body harshly.  
   
That day, you thought you were finally going to die. And that idea wasn't actually far fetched considering you were painted full of marks hues a disgusting green on some, then there would be the standard black, blue, and purple scheme that bruises inflicted would usually have. Not to mention you were sure you've broken a bone or two, because humans were simply supposed to break at least a small amount of the structure from being slammed over and over again to a stone wall and kicked like a rag doll. And if that explanation still doesn't cut it, then you just fell off of a horse, surely that would have an impact on your body.  
   
So with that being said, when darkness consumed you that time, you were quite happy because that would mean you wouldn't get to feel this much pain anymore.  
   
But then after sometime, the darkness paved way to a soft yellow-orange light, and hushed mumbling.  
   
As a first order of response, you panicked at the weight pressing down on you, and you attempted to move but you couldn't comprehend why your body ached with even just a small twitch of your fingers. And then those hushed mumbling came to a stop, and sooner you were pulled out of bed and into a warm hug, a woman’s voice telling you everything was going to be fine as she combed her slender digits through your surprisingly clean (h/c) locks.  
   
“It’s okay, don’t worry about anything. You’re safe.”  
   
That was the mantra that had lulled you back into a fitful sleep, and the next morning when you woke up, you saw a woman sitting on a chair near the bed you were in.  
   
And that was basically how you met the woman named Celise Reau, a divorced woman of sorts, whose husband probably took pride in being a first class jerk and thought infidelity was the way to live life.  
   
Now Miss Reau, as you would call her, was quite patient with you and never asked about what happened to you. It just so happens that the alley you fell into was a shortcut route to the woman’s home via the marketplace. And the ravenette woman had gone out that fateful day because she ran a small business and lacked ingredients that needed to be bought even in that kind of weather if the woman wanted things to sell once the storm pans out.  
   
And you could only imagine the surprise the woman felt when she was on her way home, wicker basket in hand and only a thick piece of cloth to cover her from the rain, and then she finds an unconscious girl sprawled out on the dangerous alleys with red stains in her dress that was far too sporadic in patterns to be a design, and the body literally looking as if someone had taken the girl to use as a physical training implement.  
   
After a few moments of staring, Miss Reau left the alley to run to her home, only for her to fetch another piece of cloth before she came back running to the alleyway, relief flooding her when the girl from earlier was still there.  
   
The woman draped the cloth over you, just enough to cover the bloodstains in your clothes, and then she slowly took you into her arms before she ran back to her house and set you onto one of the beds without caring about how you were literally soaking wet and staining the pristine creamy sheet of the bed with rainwater and blood of all things.  
   
And then after that, the woman just cleaned off the dirty tracks leading to an upstairs bedroom, closed the front door and locked it shut, scoured through the medicine cabinet she had on her bedroom, and returned to the room you were sleeping in with said medical items from the medicine cabinet, and a basin of warmed water with a soft white towel.  
   
So that would explain why when you woke up, you were practically clean and at least a little bit better than how you were feeling before you lost consciousness.  
   
For the first month of your stay, you never went out of the room you were so nicely lent. And you were even determined to starve yourself so long as you didn’t have to see the woman who took you in—not because you still had trust issues going along, but because you felt like you were a burden—but then Miss Reau would always come to your room at the designated meal times with a tray of soup in hand and a small slice of bread lathered with some jelly like substance.  
   
Some days you felt guilty and wouldn't eat, and those would result you in talks of how you should take care of yourself, and sessions of explaining from the ravenette woman that you were not a burden and she was actually happy taking care of you because it added a little something to her normally plain routine.  
   
Occasionally, for the first two months, there would be a friend of the honey eyed woman who would visit you just to see how you were doing. This friend was a man about the same age as Miss Reau, with his hair an ashy black of color, and his eyes were sharp but a warm brown. Sooner you found out that this man was the one talking with Miss Reau the moment you woke up after passing out in that alleyway.  
   
The man was a doctor in practice, and though at first he was rather cautious about you, Miss Reau was able to talk him out into agreeing to keep you a secret from whoever else that might ask.  
   
“(F/n), I will be going out for a while to buy some things. Is there anything you’d want?”  
   
A voice had cut you out of your reminiscing and you found yourself jolting out of surprise before you looked over to the doorway and willed yourself to walk over to the wooden contraption painted a homely white. Taking a good whiff of air, you then opened the door and poked your head out a little bit before shouting your response to the woman who was probably standing by the end of the staircase on the first floor of the house.  
   
“Butter?” You said loudly, as if unsure, and you relished in a small chuckle.  
   
“All right, then I’ll be going now. I’ll lock the front door so you can take your time up there, okay?” The woman’s voice called out again, and you could sense a happy tune on her voice.  
   
“Take care!” You shouted back, and then you stood by the doorway of the bedroom as you listened to the sounds of footsteps and the front door closing with a click.  
   
From the hallways, you could smell something sweet, and you didn’t have to go to the kitchen to know that the smell came from jars of jelly like substances being let to cool down before being packaged and sold to the local market here in Wall Sina.  
   
Miss Reau, as you found out with your daily breakfast-in-bed routine back in your first month of stay, had a small stall by the marketplace where she sold occasional greens from her backyard garden, fruits from a good supplier who was also a good friend, and most prominently, the little twist to add in bland bread otherwise known as jam.  
   
You watched the woman on some days where she worked, with your hands itching to help as a form of payment since you were basically freeloading in the woman’s home. But Miss Reau prioritized your healing, which at the two month span, still had a long way to go. So you would just stare at her hands as they worked, and on some days you would remember that one time back at the Stohess when with a joint effort from you and your best friends, you were able to create what this woman did for a living.  
   
With a small sigh at the distant memory, you left the doorway to your room to grab a set of freshly laundered clothes, which again you owed to the woman for she had bought you the garments if she didn’t make them herself, and then you hurried to grab a towel from the backyard clothesline before you went to the bathroom on the second floor of the house.  
   
Upon entering the small room, you set your change of clothes on the counter of the sink, and then you took off your simple white nightdress and placed the fabric into the bathroom hamper. It wasn't even a second more when you had hopped into the shower stall and your hands automatically did their work to allow a cool sprinkling to run through your (h/l) tresses then down the curve of your back until the water pooled by your feet before going down the drain on the far right corner of the small shower stall.  
   
You just stood there after a while, your thoughts wandering off again into life at the military.  
   
You missed it, truthfully, but you didn’t really know what to do anymore. There would be some days when you felt the urge to go back to base and see how everyone was doing. But whenever you’d build up the courage to go to that ever so familiar castle just a half hour ride away from your current place of residence, questions would flood your mind in a never ending assault.  
   
Would they even want you back? Would they even remember you? Or more importantly, would they still see you as a friend despite what you've done? Had there been an expedition? Were… your friends still alive?  
   
You've been secluded in Miss Reau’s home for a long time, and you never really went outside for fear that some patrolling soldiers might notice you. This isolation from the world was something you did out of your own conscience though, and often times, the ravenette woman who was taking care of you would invite you to her little stall in the marketplace just so you could breathe some fresh air and give your skin some sunlight.  
   
But then you would always reason out that the backyard was sufficient enough to give you the sunlight the woman says you needed. And what’s more, the marketplace Miss Reau works at was relatively near the Scouting Legion Headquarters. The first time you actually agreed to go, you had to run back home out of fear, and Miss Reau had to run after you just to console you before you broke down again.  
   
It took a long time for you, and one night, you actually went to the woman’s room and talked to her about you and what exactly happened for you to be here.  
   
You expected to be ratted out the next day, or to be sent to the Military Police for quite the good jail time, but then Miss Reau just stayed home the next day trying to teach you how to make jam. It’s like the woman forgot you just confessed the night before that you killed someone, like perhaps the night before was just a dream.  
   
One time you tried to confess again, but then the woman would just smile warmly at you as if you hadn't done something wrong, and then lessons on jam making were held just like usual. And honestly, you didn’t know what the lessons were for, but sooner you realized that the woman was doing that so you could distract yourself from all these holed up emotions you were keeping on your already overworked heart.  
   
And things just seemed to click there.  
   
Miss Reau brought one of your first attempts for a jam and sold it on the market. Then after a week, a customer returned and asked for the same type of flavor you did. It was quite a shock actually, and for a whole day you couldn't wipe off the grin on your face as you tried to repeat the process and presented the ravenette woman with a good amount of your own work to sell.  
   
Things sold relatively well after that, and some people would even try to ask for the recipe, which of course Miss Reau would decline and say it was her ‘daughter’s work’. Now honestly, you weren't related to the honey eyed woman at all, but you needed a farce because some people—friends you presume—would come by the woman’s home to visit and it was inevitable that they would see you.  
   
So you took on the temporary name (F/n) Reau, just so that people wouldn't realize the name that has been spreading along the place.  
   
It turns out that people were searching for you. And one night, Miss Reau even tried to talk you into at least visiting your friends as they seemed to be worried for you. But then when she saw the horror your (e/c) eyes held, and the tears that fell afterwards, the woman just sighed and left the topic like that, never to be picked up again unless you wanted to delve onto those suffocating waters on your own volition.  
  
And speaking of waters, your hands had already begun to prune from standing under the shower head so long without doing anything.  
   
So in a hurry, your worked a lather of sweet smelling liquid on your hair, and then you washed up with soap. Rinsing yourself was an easier task, and if you honestly just took a proper bath without all the blanking out, you would have been done with everything in less than ten minutes with time to towel-dry your hair.  
   
“Another day…” You murmured as your (e/c) eyes caught sight of the mirror plastered on the wall just above the sink, and you found yourself staring at a girl that looked back at you.  
   
The girl on the mirror looked disgusting in your eyes. The girl’s skin was littered with faded marks and pelts of different colors ranging from red to shades of purple, and aside from those, there would be little cuts that lined the skin like lacework gone terribly wrong. A side of the girl’s face was covered in a bandage, and should you take off the off-white wrappings, you’d see a deep cut that might take a long time before it heals completely.  
   
Reflected on the small mirror was a girl that went through hell and is still probably living there. She didn’t look anything like she was before, and when you brought a hand to caress the side of the girl’s face, you realized her fingers were bandaged delicately as well.  
   
“I look like shit.” You breathed, a pained smile breaking out on your reflection as you withdrew your hand from the mirror and focused just drying your hair unruly hair.  
   
Life wasn't going to give you a break wasn't it?  
   
It’s been four months, and still, whenever you’d look at the mirror to assess yourself, you would always see a reminder of the horror you've ended with your own hands months back. Even with all the ointments and creams Miss Reau would bring from time to time, recommendations from friends, or trusted treatments to further quicken the healing process, you’d still see quite an abundance of your battered self.  
   
It took a few minutes, but after you had combed your (h/c) colored strands to what could be an acceptable standard, you gave your reflection one last look of longing, and then you slipped your feet onto a warm set of slippers before you delved onto the sunlit hallways and hung your used towel onto the clothes line at the backyard again.  
   
Right now, you were wearing a set of clothes relatively similar to what Miss Reau’s usual wardrobe would have looked like. Your attire for the day was a hand me down of sorts, as you were wearing something Miss Reau had told you was her favorite set of clothes back when she was still in her late teens.  
   
The ensemble of fabric consisted of a flowy skirt the color of pale cream, a white apron tied around the waist, a long-sleeved shirt the color of brown, and a white headpiece that reminded you so much of the cloth you’d tie around your head when you were tasked to clean some parts of the base with broom and mop in hand, ready to take on the world of microbial kingdoms.  
   
And that was the part where you slapped both side of your cheeks, your mouth letting out a pained hiss as you still had a terrible swelling on the sides of your face.  
   
“You can’t go back.” You muttered to the empty halls. “You already ran away… you can’t.”  
   
You closed your eyes for a moment, your hands forming themselves into fists by your sides.  
   
And after a minute of or so of nothing but your well timed breathing leaving at perfect intervals, you opened your eyes and set down the halls and onto the kitchen where there were a lot of cooking paraphernalia sprawled about a marble topped table where Miss Reau would conduct her work.  
   
There were jars of different colored concoctions, measuring cups and spoons caked in white powder or something else. Some jars were opened, others closed, and you smiled to yourself as you always loved the disarrayed way Miss Reau worked. It was messy, yes, but the woman seemed to know where everything was. And besides, you found comfort on the late night cleanings you and the woman did together.  
   
A stove stuck to the side of the wall carried pans of sweet smelling syrups, and you walked over to one of the metal containers, your hand tapping the side ever so slightly, the action telling you that the stove had just been turned off just recently because there was a subtle warmth that was felt in the pads of your hands when you connected skin on metallic grays.  
   
Rolling on the sleeves of your long-sleeved shirt, you decided to try and busy yourself with a little cleaning before you would start making your own work to help sell.  
   
The first time you added butter onto your jam, you saw the rather confused look on Miss Reau’s face. But when you told her the story of that one time in Stohess, she didn’t ask any more and just let you do your own thing.  
   
It was a stupid attempt of yours, and you knew it very well, that despite your want to forget about everything in what you dubbed as your ‘previous life’ in the military, you still clung onto bits and pieces of that life unconsciously. And you’d find yourself still thinking of going back more than ever these days.  
   
You just needed the courage to face everyone again.  
   
But it’s been four months, and you still can’t get enough courage to last you ten minutes outside the front door.  
   
At this rate, you could still stay a year here and still not have enough will to go back and say a simple ‘Hey, how are you?’ to your friends. It was quite funny on your part, that there would be some days where you’d just stare at the body mirror on the hallways outside your room, and you’d pretend your reflection was a specific friend.  
  
And Miss Reau would actually see you in the middle of that act sometimes (but you didn’t know because the woman never told you about the many times she’d walk in on you babbling greetings onto a mirror and then you’d sigh and feel the need to pull your hair out of frustration).  
   
Almost dropping a large glass jar on your feet had caused you to bring your thought chained to the present. And you just then realized that you had practically cleaned most of the kitchen save for a few more jars to store away, or those clutters of dough that told you Miss Reau had bread waiting to rise in the stone oven before kneading started later on.  
   
And speaking of the woman, you stopped midway from wiping the marble table top when you realized she was quite late today.  
   
You dropped the rug in your hands so you could lend your sights a glance to a wooden wall clock perched high above the wall where the stove was stuck to.  
   
It was about four in the afternoon. And you were pretty sure you woke up about two or so, given that two in the afternoon was the usual time Miss Reau would go out to buy whatever she needed, if she was short on something. And also, yes, you and the raven haired woman have long gotten used to your less than ordinary sleeping schedule, so waking up at random times of the day was simply a normal thing.  
   
Regardless if you’d wake up at night or way up in the morning, you’d find ‘breakfast’ all prepped up and ready for you to cook or just stuff in your mouth for convenience.  
   
And given the four months of safety you've spent in the woman’s home, Miss Reau was like a second mother to you, or a third, since a certain brunette squad leader might be squeezed for second place instead. But in any case, you’d tried calling Miss Reau by her first name Celise, as she always wanted you to, but then you felt a little awkward with the way the name rolled off your lips. So you settled with the respectful title matched with the last name kind of combination.  
   
Thankfully, Miss Reau understood. And that was one of the things you loved about her. The fact that you could be the most disturbed and problematic person she must have ever met, and yet she still treated you like a human being. Like you still deserved whatever scrap of kindness this world had to offer.  
   
And so, with the marketplace just being a twenty minute ride away from your new home, and considering that traffic around the marketplace this time of day wasn't really much, it was without a doubt that you were worried that something had happened because Miss Reau has been gone for a little over two hours right now.  
   
Panic bubbled in your gut, and you even considered running to the marketplace and risk your face being seen by anyone in the military just so you could confirm that the ravenette adult was all okay.  
   
But just as you were about to make a dash to the door, you heard a faint specific knocking pattern—one Miss Reau suggested you two make so that if you’re ever alone at home, you’d know if you could answer the door—and as you listened to another repetition of that knocking pattern, you were able to breathe a sigh of relief as you rounded the marble table and ran to the front door to open it.  
   
“…she’s inside?”  
   
“Yes… thank you.”  
   
“No… apologize… want to… again.”  
   
You paused for a little while when you heard snippets of mumbling on the other side of the door. Your hands were then frozen in the position of hovering just mere centimeters by the doorknob as you tried to discern the other voice seeming to be in conversation with the person who had taken you under her care.  
   
_‘Another friend perhaps?’_  You thought.  
   
Surely, the other voice came from Miss Reau, but the other one… you couldn't quite place it except that the voice came from a much younger female. But regardless of the worry you were feeling, you trusted the woman with the warm honey colored eyes. And so with a breath, you undid the lock on the door and clasped your hands firmly against the doorknob.  
   
When you opened the door, you found Miss Reau standing by the front porch with a smile on her face like usual.  
   
Then you didn’t know why, but the Miss Reau’s smiling face was replaced with the familiar white painted ceiling of this two-storey home, and that’s when you realized you were at the ground, your back hurting from the fall as a pressure clung onto you tightly. A few second later and you registered sobs wracking throughout the room, and the occasional repetition of your name would be said over and over and over again in a cycle you didn’t know how long before it would end.  
   
And it took a while for you to register a sea of auburn by your chest, and shakily you drew a hand up and ruffled the mop of color delicately as if the form clinging onto you was paper-thin and might disappear or crumble if you applied anything that fell short of gentle and reluctant rubbing of the head.  
   
“(F/n), fuck… fuck… it’s really y—shit. (F/n).” The mantra repeated, and when the familiar voice filled your ears, you found your sights blurring as tears begun to pool in your (e/c) orbs and gentle thuds would resound as your tears fell gently against the wooden floors of this place you've come to call home.  
   
You felt your throat constricting, and words were failing you as your gentle caresses to auburn tresses turned into a shaky grab.  
   
You couldn't describe this emotion of relief and horror that washed over you at the moment. But you didn’t want to let go of the girl sobbing, just as wrecked as you were currently. You felt your clothes getting a little damp at some parts, but you couldn't just bring yourself to care anymore as you lifted your other hand and began to reluctantly rub comforting circles onto the back of the girl crying like she hasn’t done so in a full year.  
   
In a few more moments, your mind decided to be a jerk and be conscious about the pain your limbs were feeling, both from the bad fall and the way that the girl was leaning on some spots in your body that had yet to return to the normal (s/c) hue.  
   
But you were still out of words at the moment, and you really didn’t want to let this moment end. If you’d end up with double the pain the next day, then sure, why not? As long as this warmth blissfully drowning your consciousness wouldn't go away, then you could take on all the pain the world had to offer with a smile on your face.  
   
“Would you two like to talk things through with tea?”  
   
A voice had cut through this heartfelt moment, and your blurred sights met those of Miss Reau who was still rooted by the doorway and looking over to you in worry for the bruised being pressed at all the right ways to induce pain.  
   
At that moment, the auburn haired girl lifted herself from you and mumbled what seemed to be an agreement, the girl’s face a mess of tears and strands of auburn as she peeled herself away from you so she could kneel beside you and just rub her eyes to take away all of the watery remnants.  
   
“I’m sorry, I got…” the girl muttered, but she never got to finish her sentence as another wave of tearful happiness left her.  
   
Slowly, you brought yourself up, and then you held you hand down with a sad smile of your own. “Tea?” You found yourself asking with a broken voice, and you doubted the words sounded coherent at all.  
   
But the sobbing girl on the ground stopped to let your eyes catch a glimpse of those hazel hues you've longed to see for a long time now, and with a shaky hand, she clasped tightly onto the hand you offered, and you pulled her up from the ground.  
   
“I’ll clean up here, you girls can go to your room (F/n).” Miss Reau said, and she gestured to the tear stains on the floor.  
   
You would have offered to clean the mess yourself, but those honey colored pools told you in a silent command to bring the sobbing auburn up to your bedroom and have a nice long chat which you were actually scared about holding.  
   
But you realized this was enough running away. Maybe this was a chance for you, life’s way of finally allowing you that small ray of sunshine after this long and dark tunnel that you've been cooped up in for a long time now. And you would regret it, and hate yourself too much for words, should you let this chance slip away.  
   
Without words, you slowly pulled the hazel eyed girl up the steps slowly, until you two disappeared into your room, the door shut close, and you both sat on the bed you've come to know as your own for the last four months.  
   
It was silent for a while, with you listening to those small sobs that you knew the girl was trying to calm but to no avail. And you still held the girl’s hand as tightly as she was holding yours, both of you stuck in this loop of silence before you finally decided to just get this started and over with.  
   
“Erian…” You muttered, and your mouth couldn't get away with how you missed saying this name. “I’m s—”  
   
“I don’t need an apology…” The girl sobbed back, and she squeezed your hand tightly, enough to make you wince. “But how? How could you do this? I… you all tossed our lives down.”  
   
“I…”  
   
“But I don’t care, I found you. I fucking found you.” Erian said with a shaky breath. “And if… if you think I’m letting go, then I won’t, until you come back home.”  
   
“You don’t know what you’re saying…” You said sadly. “You should know… what I d—”  
   
“He’s alive (F/n).” Erian spat back, and you found your words jumbled up again. “That bastard is alive, thrown into the dungeons. And if you think we would hate on you for killing someone, then that’s a pretty selfish thing. Don’t… don’t put things into our mouths and dictate what we’d do.”  
   
You let the girl’s words settle into your mind. And as you two sat in silence with raspy breaths filling the air, you involuntarily squeezed the girl’s hand and thought about how the girl saw you now. Were you two still best friends?  
   
And as if Erian sensed your predicament, the girl broke the silence just to reassure you.  
   
“We’re still best friends.” The girl muttered. “You, me, Ysa, and Dev. We… we miss you tons (F/n), they all do, people one the 104th, the 105th, fuck, even my horse misses the girl who always rubs her mane absentmindedly.”  
   
You found a faint chuckle leaving your lips at Erian’s attempt to cheer you up. And you let go of the girl’s hands to take her into a warm hug again.  
   
“I was scared honestly, I… I didn’t want to be isolated by you guys, so I did it myself.”  
   
“I want to fucking kick you right now.” Erian mumbled against your shoulder.  
   
“Sure.” You laughed a little, and then you felt Erian grip you tightly, the girl’s hands clasped on your back.  
   
“You’re an idiot (F/n). I won’t actually do it y’know.”  
   
“I do.”  
   
You and your best friend—as you recently discovered again—broke from the hug when a knock resounded from the door of your bedroom. And not long after the announcement, Miss Reau came inside with a wooden tray containing two teacups filled with tea drizzled with the usual honey the woman wanted to add with the bitter but warming liquid.  
   
“You two can take your time and patch things up. If you need anything, I’ll be in the kitchen.” Miss Reau said with a smile as she set the tray on her hands to the nightstand and gave you and Erian a motherly ruffle of your colored tufts before she exited the room.  
   
Once you heard the woman’s footsteps turn into something a little less than faint, you noticed the rather uncomfortable stare Erian was giving you. And it took you too late to realize that the girl had already gotten a good look at your color splashed arms before you could cover them up by rolling your sleeves down.  
   
“Did he do this to you?” Erian’s voice was low, still holding that warm tone, but now there was an edge of anger you could pick up.  
   
“Erian… this is—”  
   
“I asked you a question (F/n).”  
   
“I… yeah. But that was long ago.” You responded.  
   
“But there’s still marks.” You saw the auburn haired girl biting her bottom lip. “And I could only imagine how they must have looked when they were newly inflicted.”  
   
You could only muster up a pained smile at the girl, and then Erian let out a sigh as she plopped onto your bed and pulled you down so that you two were lying against the soft cream colored sheets, with both your legs dangling onto the side of the bed.  
   
“You have a lot of explaining to do.” Erian muttered as the stared at the ceiling of your room.  
   
“Do I have to start now?” You asked.  
   
“It can wait.” Erian said, and then the girl looked over to you, your eyes trained at the ceiling as the girl was doing a while back, and Erian took careful notice of your brows that have furrowed as you were currently going over things the auburn haired girl couldn't really pinpoint.  
   
It was silent for a while, and Erian sat up from her position and walked on over to the nightstand to grasp the two cups of tea that have considerably cooled down from you two doing nothing but lying against soft sheets and taking turns looking at the ceiling and then at each other when the other one returns her orbs to the dimmed painted wall covering the top of the wall.  
   
The sun, you guessed, would have to set soon, and that’s when a thought struck you.  
   
“Here.” Erian muttered, quickly distracting your thoughts as she held a cup of tea up, and you sat down from your lying position to take the warm porcelain container.  
   
You let your mouth relish in the sweet and soothing taste, and it was like that for a while, just sounds of sips and blowing.  
   
“You… do you want to stay here?” Erian suddenly asked, and you shot her a sad smile.  
   
“I don’t really know.” You responded. “I… so much has happened the past four months. This home has built up on me I guess, I would feel bad to go, but I want to. It’s hard.” You said, and you busied yourself with swirling the small amount of yellow-brown liquid that was left onto your teacup. Erian’s hum filled your ears.  
   
“She’s a nice person.” Erian said as part understanding to your words.  
   
And then you stared at the auburn haired girl. “How…?” You began, and Erian only gave you one of those grins you didn’t know you've missed a bucket ton.  
   
“You made the jam didn’t you?”Erian said, and you raised an eyebrow in confusion, causing the auburn haired girl to let out a chuckle as she set off to satisfy your uncertainty. “Squad Leader Hanji came back to base earlier and brought one of Miss Celise’s jams, the apple one, to cheer us up. We’re a wreck without you y’know, out appetite’s hit rock bottom.” Erian let out a faint smile before continuing. “At first we were reluctant, but Hanji insisted it was a best-seller and recommended around the marketplace.”  
   
You found yourself turning a little embarrassed, and your best friend just smiled back at you before taking a sip.  
   
“So there, we tried it. And you did great, but I would never forget the taste of the one you made back at Stohess.”  
   
You hummed for a bit as response.  
   
“So I excused myself hurriedly and just went to the marketplace to ask around. It was a small chance, but then I was desperate, and after a while I ran into Miss Celise and I told her about your general description.” Erian paused for a while as she collected both you and her empty cups and set it back onto the wooden tray. “She was reluctant at first, and I might’ve spilled some details, but whatever it was, she suddenly just agreed to take me here and see you. And I tackled you, and we cried, and then we just had tea.”  
   
“You’re unbelievable.” You uttered, and Erian only gave you another smile.  
   
“I thought we've long concluded that?” The girl responded, and then you both shared a small laughter before you decided to bring the used porcelain cups to the kitchen to get washed.  
   
You and Erian talked about general details about how life was going on, but it was mostly about you, and you were quite happy to answer the girl’s questions.  
   
Pretty soon, you two girls had reached the kitchen, and you both saw Miss Reau kneading a dough roughly, her eyes flooded in concentration that had broken once she sensed figures standing by the doorway of the kitchen.  
   
The ravenette woman washed her hands as you set the tray onto the counter by the kitchen sink. And after a while you and Erian settled for helping the honey eyed adult with making bread, the three of you creating quite the mess, but it was accentuated with small laughs and complaints, mostly from the auburn haired girl because it’s been a while since Erian had done something like creating bread from scratch.  
   
It was late at night when you three finished, a small dinner being held, and you could sense a rather solemn mood going on.  
   
“You should go home.” Miss Reau muttered once the dishes were being washed, and you stopped in the middle of rinsing a bowl as you stared at her.  
   
“But—” You began.  
   
“Just visit me when you get the chance…?” The woman said. “I’m sure cadet (F/n) (L/n) still wants a second chance at her old life.”  
   
There was nothing but the sounds of water running, and Erian’s sure wiping on the marble table top just behind you and the ravenette. You were pretty sure your best friend was listening intently on the conversation, and as much as Erian would want you home, you knew she would respect whatever answer you gave.  
   
You hastily wiped your wet hands on your apron and then hugged the woman soaping up the dishes, Miss Reau giving you a small smile as she too had washed her hands and wiped them on a towel near the sink before she shifted on her spot to return your hug.  
   
“You've been a good apprentice.” The woman said, and you only bit your bottom lip in response. “I’m not going to say I’ll miss you, since you’re the type who’ll stay if I do.” You heard a faint laugh, and then the woman peeled you away from her by the shoulders, and there she had a good view of your eyes that were beginning to tear up again.  
   
You couldn't help it. You've spent four months under the protection and care of this woman. And you were a sentimental person with all the things life had shoved into your way. But then Miss Reau just smiled at you and ruffled your hair to calm you down.  
   
“Now go pack up, it’s late, but I’m guessing Erian here knows how to defend you two if the situation calls for it.” The woman says. “And you need to go now (F/n). You've been away from your friends long enough.”  
   
“I don’t have any items in my own possession here.” You answered.  
   
“Yes you do.” The woman chuckled at you. “You’re like my daughter now, all the clothes I gave you are yours to take and keep.”  
   
You were still a little reluctant, but then the woman had pushed you outside the kitchen and gestured for you to take the stairs, with Erian in tow and pumped up to help you, though you could sense the girl feeling a little bit sad as well.  
   
“I’ll see you two out.” Miss Reau said, and she went back to the kitchen to continue washing the dishes as you led Erian back up the steps and into your room that you’d be in for the last time in who knows when.  
   
Silently, you and Erian packed your things into a thick cloth bag with leather straps that Miss Reau had given you one day, the woman claiming she thought of you when she saw the item on the market one day.  
   
You and Erian didn’t talk a lot, except for some jokes or comments, and then when things were ready and your room was almost empty from all signs that you had been living here for the past few months. You and your best friend trudged down the steps, just in time to see Miss Reau coming out of the kitchen with a warm loaf of bread wrapped in a cheesecloth, one that reminded you of the item you held one time when your nightmares begun.  
   
But this was a different case, things from your dark past was over.  
   
And so with a sad smile, you took the loaf of bread from the woman’s hands, and she gave you a small peck on the forehead, then gave Erian a hug before she saw you two to the door and watched until Erian helped you up her horse, and you both sped up into the starlit roads.  
   
You never realized it, but Erian was wearing her military uniform the whole time she paid you a visit. And only now, with the light of the moon, had you noticed the familiar insignia of navy blue and white on the back of Erian’s military jacket. The girl most likely had training during the day, and it was with that thought that you realized you might have a lot of work to do if you wanted to be a good soldier again.  
   
Time seemed to go on too fast, and too slow at the same time. And when you saw the familiar gray structure quickly nearing you, you had gripped Erian’s military jacket too tight. It goes without saying that the auburn haired girl had sensed your anxiety, and she slowed her horse down to a fast paced trudging as she gave you a side glance and caught sight of your (e/c) eyes filled with unsaid turmoil.  
   
“It’ll be fine.” Erian soothed, and you nodded, though your hold on her jacket was still tight. “They’ll be all over you, I promise.” Your best friend let out a chuckle. “It’s okay, (F/n). And if it helps, I’ll go in first then you can come in when I give the signal okay?” The girl asked, and you nodded slowly.  
   
So there it was, you and Erian had made it to the stables soon, and as Erian helped you down, you clutched the girl’s hand tightly on one hand, as your other hand held the warm cloth encasing Miss Reau’s parting gift to you. Your clothes secured on a fabric bag was then swaying slowly by your back as you slung it on your shoulder.  
   
“It’s okay.” Erian muttered again when you two reached the doorway, and when you both entered, it was rather dark, save for just a few torches giving the hallways a soft orange glow.  
   
Your best friend led you from the entrance to the mess hall’s door, and you guessed since it was pretty late at night, and that there was the usual hard training in the day, then almost everyone was sleeping right now. So it wasn't really a surprise, that you weren't able to meet anyone in the halls.  
   
“Eri—” You began in a hushed tone when the girl did nothing but press her ear to the mess hall door.  
   
“Shh…” Your best friend said, and then the auburn haired girl visibly took a worried gulp as she faced you. “They’re inside.” She murmured, and you raised an eyebrow before you were pushed to the side silently. “I’ll call you out, now wish me luck.” The girl said, and before  you could say anything, the girl disappeared into the mess hall.  
   
“What the fuck Erian?” You heard a voice saying after a while. “You do realize what time it is?” That would be Devan you thought.  
   
“We were worried about you.” That was most probably Krista.  
   
“Did you get lost or something?” Eren, definitely.  
   
“You smell like bread…” Obviously, Sasha.  
   
You listened into the conversation, people mostly berating the auburn haired girl for disappearing so long, and from the sets of voices you were hearing, you were pretty sure when Erian said ‘They’re inside.’, the girl meant a particular set of friends from the 104th, matched with your two other best friends, and two superiors.  
   
You heard Hanji’s voice faintly, and the slight clinking of porcelain against porcelain gave the lance corporal’s presence away.  
   
“WOULD YOU GUYS JUST SHUT UP FOR A MOMENT?!”  
   
You almost allowed laughter to escape your throat when you heard Erian’s frantic voice trying to put a stop to all the bombardment of questions being directed at her.  
   
“Seriously, I’m alive, yes?” Erian continued when the sounds leveled down. “I’m alive, I also had dinner, and no, it’s not in a shady place.”  
   
“Sure you didn’t…” A voice muttered, and you recognized the sarcastic tone as Connie’s.  
   
Erian let out a frustrated growl, and then the girl looked towards the slightly opened door of the mess hall.  
   
“Give me a little help here?” She asked, and everyone just stared at the girl as if she had hit her head or something.  
   
_‘That’s my cue I guess…’_ You thought, and just as you had placed your hand on the door to push it a good chunk open. Erian said a word that made everyone freeze in their spots.  
   
“(F/n)?”  
   
“Right here…” You mumbled in response to the auburn haired girl, and Erian came over to your back and pushed you to the middle of the group of soldiers who still stood rooted on their spots.  
   
Everyone was staring at you, and probably also the marks on your arms and legs as you had changed into another dress that was short sleeved and fell just by the knees (Miss Reau was quite the fan of the loose kinds of fabrics). You found yourself clutching the bread on your hands a little tightly now, and the bag of clothes you had slung on your shoulder felt like it weighed like a dozen rocks.  
   
“Umm… hello?” You muttered after a while.  
   
No response.  
   
“(F-F/n), is that really you…?” Someone said, and you trained your eyes to Bertholdt before you gently placed your clothes’ bag onto the floor and set the bread on top of the off-white bag.  
   
“Cadet (F/n) (L/n) reporting for duty, sir!” You said with a full salute, and then your serious expression made way for worry. “Umm… unless I need to return to training to prove myself, that is fine too…”  
   
“Are you kidding?” Jean asked, and then the boy went over to you to give you a hug, which you returned of course.  
   
After the hug with Jean, Hanji came tackling you over, and then Ysavelle and Devan came to both hate on you and tell you that if you pull something like that again, then the whole of the walls will be flipped inside out. Of course, you only responded with hugging the two and saying you wouldn't do that again.  
   
Pretty soon everyone had gathered around you, and you literally couldn't help but cry at the familiar feeling of being surrounded by people important to you. It took a while before you calmed down, and then Hanji suddenly looked over to the set of boys obviously worried about you and wanting each to be the reason you wouldn't have to cry anymore.  
   
“I feel sleepy all of a sudden.”  Hanji muttered, and then she shot a knowing look the girls inside the room. “Don’t you guys feel the same?”  
   
“Now that you think about it…” Ymir said with a snort, and you looked towards the girls.  
   
“I’ll go wi—”  
   
“No!”  
   
You blinked at the almost simultaneous response the girls gave you, and then Hanji pressed onto your shoulders as if to keep you in place. “As much as I missed you, we’ll have tons of time to talk tomorrow, and these guys have something to say, so take your time (F/n).” The woman said, and since you didn’t face the brunette, you didn’t know Hanji and the set of boys before her were having some kind of telepathic conversation that you wouldn't even understand if you knew.  
   
Then the brunette squad leader and the rest of the girls had left, and once the door to the mess hall was closed, you stared for a moment at the flickering candle on the table, the wax dripping ever so slowly onto the small plate beneath the burning white stick.  
   
“So…” You began, and you turned to look at the group of male soldiers standing in front of you (the corporal was sitting on the table you were seated at). “What is it?” You asked. “What you wanted to say, I mean.”  
   
“Can’t we just do it tomorrow?” You heard Armin say, and you kind of felt the nervousness this group of people felt.  
   
“Okay…” You muttered, and you looked a little disappointed.  
   
“Just fuck it all.” Jean muttered angrily, and then he grabbed you by the shoulders, causing you  to jolt out of shock.  
   
The boy with the two toned shades of hair had gripped you on a spot where there was still a healing bruise, which of course, you met with a subtle flinch due to the small pain. But then one look at those brown orbs of Jean's and you felt like the pain could stay a little bit, since this seemed to be a serious matter.  
   
“Y-yes?” You began.  
   
“Listen…” Jean breathed a little, and after that, he stared at you as if to keep you in place. You on the other hand had just given a small nod, to which the boy before you acknowledged. “(F/n), we’re all fucking in love with you, for a long time now actually. And it probably happened at different points but in the end we’re all here thinking about how church bells are tolling at the background because you're here again. And we've been trying so long to impress you and all those sappy kinds of shit.”  
   
“Wh—”  
   
“I love you. That stupid fuck loves you, but probably less than mine.” Jean gestured to a teal eyed boy.  
   
“What the fuck did you say horseface?!” Eren said.  
   
“Connie loves you, Armin, Bertholdt, everyone, even the Captain Levi. So yeah, there you have it. We’re head over fucking heels in love in you. And you have to choose one of us because that’s life. So who will it be?”  
   
Jean let you go, and you were left to stare at the group of boys with your eyes wide. (E/c) colored orbs met the faces of people you’ve cherished for a long time and respected. And suddenly your throat felt dry, and your mouth was opening and closing for a good few seconds, until the cogs in your brain just finally blew a fuse and you found yourself taking a step back. Then without another moment's notice, you made a dash for the hallways to coop yourself up in Erian’s or Ysavelle’s room, your footsteps not stopping until you got into one of your three best friends’ rooms and shut the door with a bang.  
   
The girls of the 104th, squad leader Hanji, and your three best friends were actually hiding by the hallways outside the mess hall. And when they saw you burst out of the door looking much too panicked for their tastes, the hiding group made their way back to the mess hall, only to see a group of boys just staring at the widely opened doorway.  
   
“I’m guessing it went... okay?” Sasha quipped.  
   
“What the fuck, was that a threat or a confession?” Ymir chortled and afterwards let out a teasing smirk, and Krista had gently nudged the freckled girl to shut her up, but Ymir just shrugged.  
   
“Well then…” Erian muttered.  
   
“Oh, just give it some time.” Hanji said a little apologetically. “At least you guys got it out, right? It feels great, doesn't it?”  
   
But all this time that the girls were talking, the boys were still just staring at the spot where you stood minutes prior. The lance corporal then gave a click of the tongue, and that’s when Hanji, who was the perpetrator of this scheme, had taken the cue to run to her office and probably stay there for a week or so if she valued her life.  
   
And you on the other hand, were hidden under the covers of one of your best friends’ beds, your face beet red as you bit your bottom lip and tried to shake off the burning feeling by your face, which wasn't caused by any inflicted pain or cut.  
   
Jean's question repeated in your head constantly, and you found yourself taking a gulp as you slapped your cheeks hard.  
  
Now that it's come to this, who exactly will you choose?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for making it this far, I owe you guys a lot for trying out my first fanfiction work. (❁´▽`❁) ♥
> 
> And again, I apologize if there are mistakes. Once the story is all over with all the extras and special chapters, I'll try going over the whole story to edit stuff up. But anyway, thank you for being patient with me!
> 
> Ah, and you can choose to just read the ending you want, and stop reading there, but to make the endings special, I also scatter info unique to the story in some endings :3 (Like, one of them has Devan's backstory, but the others won't have that). 
> 
> If you guys want another order, just tell me! This marks the end of the daily updates for now by the way, since final exams start next week. But I'll try to post the first ending by Sunday/Monday *^*


	40. The End Resolutions (Levi Ackerman)

Beyond The Walls | Ending: Levi Ackerman x Reader

 

Footsteps echoed across sheets of stone, the natural grays reflected by the floors when bathed in the sunlight, currently settled in a never ending hue of black as the shadows took to haste in the dim hallways.  
   
Each soft thud of feet against stone was like a heartbeat, gentle and timely, the sounds slicing through the solemn silence with precision.  
   
Just minutes prior, you had left the warmth and comfort of a small room that served as the medical facility of the base. And to be honest, with your bare feet touching the stinging cold of the smooth floors at each step, you were constantly tempted to take an immediate turn and go back to the room you just left. But you didn’t really like the smell of medicine and metal implements as the items would give you a sort of chill, one that oddly reminded you about a childhood that should have been long forgotten.  
   
The darkness oddly calmed you these days, probably because you knew there wasn’t anything you should be worried about since you finally severed the chains of your past that held you back for so long. Those bone-chilling nightmares lacing your every sleeping hour were becoming less frequent as well, and that was something you were greatly thankful for.  
   
But even with your nightmares finally granting you enough comfort to sleep, these days, you would find yourself blankly staring at the ceiling of your room until the darkness takes a transition from hues of black to bright yet dull gray. And then if you listened close enough, there would be a snap, the signal that your brain has finally reached its limit, and you would only then be able to push a pillow to your face and hope sleep washes over you in the snap of a finger.  
   
It has been a week you see, a full seven days since your presence was re-announced to the military world thanks to an ecstatic auburn haired girl who took the liberty of finding you and dragging you back to the Scouting Legion base.  
   
And you should be happy for the return, which you were, but more than the cheerful feeling of being in the comfort of your second home, you were a little too conflicted about what transpired the night of your return. The events which then led you to a best friend’s room, which you later discovered to be Erian’s, and had spent the night immovable under the cool white sheets with your face burning with the intensity of what felt like a trillion stars.  
   
You knew what you did wasn’t exactly a good thing.  
   
Here was a group of people finally gathering enough courage to tell you what you meant to them, and your initial response was a back-step, then speeding up the stairs as if you were being chased, and closing the door with a loud bang that probably shook the entirety of the castle if not wake up the people sleeping in the neighboring rooms.  
   
You didn’t exactly like the way you handled the situation, but then you didn’t exactly expect people to actually take an interest in you that didn’t run along the lines of being a trusted friend, an asset to humanity, and a person you’d stalk for years because of a head that has probably been knocked up too many times, and an immense psychopathic longing to kill.  
   
But even with your feelings all a jumbled mess, you still wanted to find a particular set of boys and apologize for what you considered a hurtful response to their feat of courage.  
   
Except life wasn’t really on your side these days, given that the day you woke up from Erian’s room with the auburn haired girl just stirring out of sleep, a certain brunette squad leader had already declared your schedule for the week which included a horde of consultations from a hired doctor and possible treatments to finally return your skin to that single shade of (s/c).  
   
So with that being said, and with Hanji telling you the not so surprising news of you being booted out of training until you weren’t so covered in hues of purples and blacks, you couldn’t find a good time in your schedule to go visit the mess hall after everyone was done with training, and apologize to the set of boys you owe a good sorry to.  
   
It would have been much easier if you shared the same meal times with everyone else too, but your wrecked sleeping arrangements and everyone’s great concern to leave you to rest weren’t really giving you progress in the apologizing department.  
   
Okay, well maybe you did find some time off, since there are days training would end earlier and your treatments would finish just as fast. And you would find the courage to march to the mess hall, ready to burst in the populated area. But then your legs would automatically make a turn when you’re on the last set of stairs, and before you knew it, you’re already in the comfort in your room, your heart pumping like you were in an expedition outside the walls.  
   
Accidentally kicking a wall made you spill out a string of pain-laced curses, your head meeting with the stone gently as you pressed your forehead to the wall while in an attempt to not shout in response to the painful throbbing by your toes. You discerned you were too distracted to not realize you needed to take a turn down another hallway again, and so you needed to stop your mind from wandering for a while, lest you wanted to keep kicking the walls accidentally.  
   
But then you really couldn’t stop yourself from being distracted. Though thankfully you did take into account where to turn in the halls, you ended up staring at a wooden door located a floor below where your private quarters should be.  
   
You were sure your eyes have fully adjusted to the dark by now, for at least you could see a little bit better than the time you woke up and left the medical facility. And yet your feet probably had a mind of its own as you found yourself staring at the natural patterns on a polished wooden surface, a familiar door making you absentmindedly clench your hands into fists beside you.  
   
It was only after a few short seconds of staring at the wooden board before you that you brought a closed fist up, ready to knock onto the door, but then you decided against the action and just brought your hand back down reluctantly to your side. A small sigh escaped your lips afterwards, and you slowly turned around, ready to navigate yourself against the maze of corridors so you could just get to your room and sleep your mind’s confusion away.  
   
You were too preoccupied with your thoughts at the moment to not hear the faint sounds of a bed’s springs. Muffled thuds from quick footfalls then resonated in the still air, and soon after those sounds was a subtle click, the door behind you creaking open slightly though you were still a little too lost in your thoughts to notice.  
   
“(F/n)?”  
   
You stopped mid-step into the darkness, and you turned around to see a girl staring at you in part confusion and worry, though the latter was the most imminent given the slight furrow of the eyebrows that were displayed on the girl’s face.  
   
There was a small silence that passed between you two, a silence that you could have gone through for a long time if not for the girl in the doorway breaking the small staring contest with your hues of (e/c).  
   
While it was true you couldn’t participate in the usual military routine via the explicit reasoning and report of a certain brunette squad leader, you’ve heard enough complaints going about the halls as tired footsteps and hushed complaints would pass through the solid wood enclosing your room to the rest of the castle. And those tired groans and heavy footsteps were more than enough to tell you that training was intense in more ways than one.  
   
And with the ravenette girl who standing before you with her hair tousled about and eyes clearly still dipped in a pool of sleep. You knew the girl wasn’t an exemption to the frequent muscles cramps and strains.  
   
Nevertheless, despite your worried thinking, the girl didn’t seem to be as conflicted as you were as she pushed the door behind her a good span open, and then she gestured a hand for you to take. “Do you want to come in?” The girl muttered with a warm smile, and you caught up with those bluish gray orbs for a while, discerning if it was a good thing to take the girl up on her offer or if you would best just head to your room.  
   
Ysavelle had health problems, and being that said problem was regarding the breathing system, you knew the girl needed as much rest to keep herself on the top of her game. It didn’t occur a lot too, and maybe it only happened about once or twice during the time you’ve been admitted as a cadet to the Scouting Legion. But Ysavelle did black out during training.  
   
And no matter how small in number, fainting while on training—especially during 3DMG training nonetheless—really raised up the red flags around, much more for you and your other best friends.  
   
So naturally, given all the scenarios your mind had reminded you of in a few seconds flat, you had decided to decline the girl’s offer to her room.  
   
   
But it seems the ravenette girl by the doorway had already decided the course of action you would take, because before you could even reject the offer and run back to your room, you were taken by the wrist and pulled towards the doorway swiftly.  
   
Not a second more was spent before you were pushed down to sit at a hard mattress which could only be the girl’s bed. And for a moment you sat in the darkness, playing with the hem of your shirt with your anxiety in full throttle, Ysavelle’s footsteps returning back to the doorway only for you to hear the near silent closing of the door accentuated with a click telling you that your best friend had locked the door in consideration of the privacy you both would need.  
   
Not that anyone would actually barge into a female cadet’s room in the middle of the night, but Ysavelle thought you might want a little more security—which you actually did, and is grateful to the girl for.  
   
After the girl had closed the door, you listened for a while at the nearing footsteps, Ysavelle’s form getting nearer to where you sat, except when the girl was just a few steps away from you, the silhouette-like figure had moved to the left. And from the small clatters you could hear, you guessed your best friend had decided to make a trip to the nightstand resting just a few inches beside the bed.  
   
It wasn’t any later when you caught a whiff of a newly lit match, the smell soothing you oddly as the room was filled with a gentle blanket of a good mix of orange and yellow. Ysavelle’s hand quickly moved the fire from the small line in her hand onto a plain white candle that has probably been used a lot of times prior to this encounter.  
   
And for a moment you studied the white stick that stood upon a small metallic palette of sorts that kept the wax from dripping to the wooden surface underneath the candle. Your eyes scanned over the dancing flame on the burnt wick, the yellow and orange hues dancing around your own (e/c) hues.  
   
The creak of the bed springs and the candle disappearing from your view only to be replaced with an orange tinted button-up shirt had snapped you out of the trance with the fire. And it was silent for a while again, the lack of sound becoming something more of a friend to you these days, but the stillness was broken when Ysavelle looked up to the ceiling for a moment, before she turned to you and spoke.  
   
“Nightmare?” The girl asked, though you had a feeling Ysavelle knew that nightmares were the least likely reason for you to end up in her doorstep just when the night was transitioning into the very early minutes of the next day.  
   
Instead of replying to your best friend first, you found yourself just studying the miniature dips and folds of the white cloth of the trousers bunched up against your knee. And you took in the form of your hands slowly clenching and unclenching onto your lap as your nerves were getting a little too much for you at the moment.  
   
The only sound that left you and your best friend’s lips was silence. And you could have honestly been convinced that the raven haired girl sitting beside you was sleeping again, but when you took a look at her, Ysavelle was just staring up at the ceiling again, the notion of needing sleep clearly visible on the girl’s visage.  
   
But Ysavelle was going to have to keep sleep at bay as much as she needed to, because the girl wanted to help you in any way possible. You two are best friends after all, so if the ravenette had to stay up the whole week for you, then that’s not going to be a problem at all.  
   
Word has gone around the base since your return, and you were constantly the talk of the general military public comprising the Scouting Legion Headquarters.  
   
While any romantic notions that transpired on the day of your return had been kept relatively well from the other cadets, everyone could see that you were stressed and just about ready to punch holes on the walls—which you wanted to do, but couldn’t because all you would earn from the action was a temporary satisfaction from your frustrations, and probably another extension of your excluded-from-all-training-until-allowed state courtesy of Squad Leader Hanji Zoe.  
   
When you woke up on the morning of your arrival, Commander Erwin had already requested for your presence in his office, which had you literally sprinting through the hallways for because you owed the man a good, long, and detailed explanation about the time you had been declared missing for a little over four months.  
   
As you had expected, the talk with the blue-eyed man didn’t really go smooth, but it wasn’t that rough either. Commander Erwin just asked you general questions, and explained how what you did could be considered an offense against the military since you basically abandoned your duty as a soldier of humanity.  
   
But given the circumstances, and that you were generally a special case from the beginning, you were spared the charges and only had to endure sessions of talking with Military Police officers who were making a report where you were expected to be truthful and not omit any details.  
   
You were given the relief of knowing anyone mentioned in the reports would not be disturbed. The papers were just a record of events, which would conclude the almost decade long pursuit of a deranged man who started the whole blunder of grotesque child murders in Sina.  
   
“You look like that again…”  
   
A voice had snapped you a hundred yards away from your current line of thought. And you looked over to the side with a questioning look at your best friend.  
   
Ysavelle let out a smile as she pressed her index finger to the middle of your forehead. “You look stressed again.” The girl murmured, and she took her finger away from you.  
   
“I slept at the medical wing again.” You said after a while, and your tone of voice made it clear you didn’t like what you just did.  
   
Ysavelle hummed to acknowledge your statement. “I think one of the pills they give to relieve fatigue can cause sleepiness.”  
   
“Not a sleeping pill?” You asked after a few short seconds as you remembered your frequent encounters with the white pill.  
   
Ysavelle just bit her lip in concentration before answering. “We make sure they don’t give you that.” The ravenette muttered. “Unless they want Erian to hunt them down, then no, and Devan and I check sometimes when we have the chance. You don’t really have the best history with sleeping pills after all…” The girl trailed off, and she studied your form for a moment.  
   
You said you’ve slept, and your best friend knew you were telling the truth. Yet somehow you look like you haven’t slept in days on end. Of course, without even having to ask you why, Ysavelle could pretty much make an accurate guess about the reason for you looking this troubled and restless.  
   
The source of all your worries wasn’t your recurring nightly dreams of a troubled, nor was it that fact that you were once again restricted from further training because people were fussing over months-long injuries that weren’t that bad to begin with. You were troubled about a set of specific people, a group you have long admired and looked up to.  
   
And the same group who just so happened to say exactly seven days back that they wanted you as someone a little more than the definition of friends.  
   
Potential trauma and other effects from your final encounter with a lunatic aside, the constant visits to the nauseating medicine smelling room of the medical facility, and the hours you’d have to spend talking with other military men was bound to cause you stress one way or another. You weren’t exactly all comfortable around the Scouting Legion Headquarters too, and it was understandable to feel that way because your last memory of the castle was tied to bloodshed and life-and-death scenarios.  
   
Adding a sprinkle of romance to the issue then, just probably made matters worse if they weren’t already.  
   
“I think I should go.” You said after a while, finally bringing conversation back into Ysavelle’s bedroom that was lacking of the talk.  
   
“And what?” Ysavelle asked as she wrung her hands together.  
   
“I don’t know. Sleep?” You muttered.  
   
“After the sun rises?”  
   
“Ysa…”  
   
“I think you and I know, you won’t sleep any time soon.”  
   
Ysavelle paused for a while to plop herself onto the bed, and she dragged you down along with her so that the two of you were lying against the cool covers of the girl’s mattress, both of your feet dangling by the bedside as both pairs of (e/c) and bluish gray stared at the ceiling glowing with the golden-like shade from the flickering candle by the nightstand.  
   
“Do you want to talk about it?” Ysavelle muttered after a minute of silent staring as the stone above. And the girl heard the bed springs creaking a little as you shifted in your position until you had sat down cross legged on mattress, your hands fiddling with the hem of your short slightly before you decided on an answer that came as another question.  
   
“How long have you guys known?” You asked after a short breath, anxiety clearly strung in each word that left your lips.  
   
Ysavelle looked up at you for a while, and then she returned her sights to the plain scenery above before the girl closed her eyes. “I think… everyone from the 104th probably started a few months into training, and then the captain was about a few months since we joined the Scouting Legion.” There was a small pause before the girl continued. “It’s okay that you didn’t notice (F/n), or knowing you, you probably did but you brushed it off.”  
   
“I—”  
   
“You made it clear that your goal was to serve humanity, and that was set from the start.” Ysavelle interjected your sentence, knowing whatever you might have said at the time would be something close to an apology.  
   
“I just don’t understand why.” You muttered, not really liking this uncomfortable feeling of talking about the topic, but you figured it was high time you confided to someone about all these pent up things you’ve been keeping for a week now.  
   
“No one really understands love, don’t you think?” Ysavelle opened her eyes to meet your own colored orbs. “Sometimes you don’t realize it until you’ve fallen, and others might not realize it until they hit the ground or something.”  
   
“And you’ve fallen?” You asked the ravenette, curiosity lining your featured currently.  
   
Ysavelle just gave you a smile before responding. “More or less.”  
   
“Who?”  
   
“Make a guess.” The girl chirped, and you let out a smile of your own because the burdensome feelings you were having earlier have considerably lightened up a bit.  
   
You thought for a while, considering all the options you could make. But then there wasn’t really much you can find because you were almost always with Ysavelle, and for the months you’ve known the girl, you knew the ravenette didn’t generally stray away from your group of friends off-training. At the realization, you found yourself furrowing your eyebrows, and Ysavelle poked your thigh a bit, causing you to look at the girl still half-lying on the bed.  
   
“It’s not that hard.” Ysavelle let out a small chuckle at the concentration mirrored in your eyes.  
   
“I don’t know, it’s hard to say because I think the only people you actually converse a lot with, are me, Erian and… Devan?”  
   
“That’s pretty much it.”  
   
A small sheet of quiet atmosphere landed between you and your best friend, neither of your talking and just taking in the dancing of the shadows until you finally snapped out the candle’s spell in mere seconds, a smile on your face as you regarded the ravenette who was obviously trying not to meet orbs with yours.  
   
“It’s Devan?” You asked.  
   
Ysavelle stared at you incredulously, but you knew the girl was just acting that way for a comic effect of sorts.  
   
“Wait. Really? Devan?”  
   
“Do I have to congratulate your prowess?” Ysavelle chuckled a little, and though her tone seemed a little sarcastic a while back, you were pretty much sure that the girl wasn’t exactly annoyed at you.  
   
“De—”  
   
“(F/n).” The girl groaned, and you only returned the distressed words with a smile.  
   
“You guys look nice together.” You complimented, and you smirked a little as your best friend that was lying down had grabbed her pillow and smashed it to her face. Ysavelle was good at handling herself a lot of times, probably the second most serious aside from the beige haired boy in your group of four. And now the girl was completely shaken, her cheeks probably red—but you couldn’t really tell much since the candlelight that flooded the room made it hard for people to see colors without the yellow-orange tint.  
   
“How about you then?” Ysavelle muttered after a while, and you looked down at her, the involuntary wringing of your hands against the pale (color) button-up you wore then becoming a perfect replica of the anxiety that had been returned to you in full.  
   
“I don’t…” You began.  
   
“You really don’t like anyone of them?” The bed creaked as Ysavelle shifted her position so that she was lying on her stomach, her upper half propped up by the pillow resting by her head, and she swung her legs behind her for a moment.  
   
You pondered about your best friend’s question, automatically giving you thoughts about a certain lance corporal. But you weren’t so sure yet, that maybe this ‘like’ you’ve had going on for the guy was just something short of admiration. And if you did choose someone, what will happen to the rest then?  
   
Ysavelle tried to think about what was holding you back from answering. Military duties? That was probably the bulk of the reason. But you were capable enough before even with a murderer gawking at your every move. And then it just surfaced out of the blue, Ysavelle’s blue-gray eyes leaving the tinted white of her pillow case to catch your (e/c) orbs looking somewhere far away.  
   
“Are you scared things will change?” The girl asked, and from the small biting of your lip alone, Ysavelle already knew your answer.  
   
“Things always change.” You responded.  
   
“It most likely will.” Ysavelle sighed, wishing she could lie or something, but knew that soothing words weren’t exactly what you needed the most right now. “I mean, they really do like you, or love as they say. Of course they’re going to be depressed when you choose someone that isn’t them.”  
   
You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out so you just closed your lips shut, your eyebrows furrowed in a mix of emotions.  
   
“But I don’t think they will avoid you because of what you choose.” Ysavelle continued. “You’re afraid of being alone again right? That your friendship will end just like that.”  
   
“I’m not exactly the most romantic person out there.” You grumbled and let out a sigh.  And your best friend just hummed again, the tune small and comforting even if it didn’t last longer than the half of a second.  
   
Outside, you could hear a soft kind of beating against the closed window of your best friend’s room. It seems rain had begun to fall, and you thought it was perfect, because you definitely weren’t feeling down enough already. Life was just going to make things harder for you wasn’t it? And here you thought you were done with the worst, yet something equally straining had come to you just as fast.  
   
You thought about it for a while, the string of many unpleasantries that wound up like a collar on your neck. And though you did have to admit that a lot of good things happened in your life, enough to wash away all the stains of your undesirable childhood, there were still those little smudges of pain and guilt, a kind of trauma that you knew would stay forever with you even if the times would stretch on to months and years.  
   
“I still think you should decide soon.” Ysavelle spoke after a while, realizing you were far too lost in your thoughts and she had to bring you back. And when you glanced over the ravenette, you figured you’ve taken the girl long enough from her sleep.  
   
“I…” You breathed in for a while, deciding you’ve put things away enough already, and you possibly couldn’t keep avoiding the matter until your brains blows a permanent fuse or something. Your best friend studied your form silently, the still conflicted look in your eyes and the nervous motions of your hands have been present from the moment you entered the girl’s room.  
   
But Ysavelle was able to see a small pint of determination in you as well, which was a good step in the right direction because if the girl was to be honest with herself, she didn’t really like it—and Erian and Devan too for that matter—when you would look as if the world was against you, and that you had nothing but yourself to rely on.  
   
“Alright then.” You murmured.  
   
“What?” Ysavelle asked with a little confusion.  
   
“I’m telling them.” You said. The tone of voice you used was a little reluctant, and you were sure Ysavelle herself has caught onto the slight shaking at the end of your sentence. But you have already decided upon the matter, and you didn’t want to back down from this decision any longer.  
   
“So you do like someone.” The raven haired girl chirped with a smile in her face, and your initial response to the statement was to bite your lip hard.  
   
“More or less.” You let out a slight chuckle, repeating the girl’s words earlier when it was you who was asking for confirmation whether there was anyone the ravenette girl had take a fancy to. And Ysavelle had just given you a little smile at this repetitive reply of yours. But you knew the girl had very much been pushed past her limits by this early morning visit of yours. “I’m leaving now.” You muttered after a short few seconds.  
   
You figured Ysavelle was going to protest or something, but you probably underestimated the pull of sleep because after a few minutes of silence ad passed, your best friend’s breathing had transitioned into those peaceful and lengthy intervals. Ysavelle had thankfully moved from her previous position so she was now curled up near the edge of the mattress instead of lying stomach down with her head resting on a pillow.  
   
You contemplated for a moment too, if you should help your best friend into a more comfortable position for the last remaining hours of her slumber before the light of the sun drips through the horizon.  
   
But you didn’t want to risk waking your peacefully sleeping best friend up, and so, you just settled with draping the girl with the thin complementary blanket equipped in each bed in the faction before you blew the candle that turned the yellow-lit room into the earlier sheet of shadows. And you mustered up a quiet goodnight, ruffling the girl’s head just a little bit before you took to haste in padding across the dimly lit hallways again.  
   
And this time, hopefully, you would end up in your room.  
   
Ysavelle’s room was quite the walk away from your quarters, because your current bedroom was the one you’ve grown accustomed to after the room switching the base undertook about a month when you just entered the Scouting Legion fresh out of graduation. And while most of the cadets were situated on the second floors or so of the castle, you were assigned the room on the third floor—the one room that just so happened to be on the same floor as all of the elite veterans and such that lead the Scouting Legion.  
   
Thinking back, you thought maybe the room assignment was a set up. And you probably weren’t wrong too. Your room was situated just a good middle away from the staircase, a turn of the hallways and two doors down would lead you to a certain brunette squad leader’s quarters, a couple more doors down the halls would get you to Commander Erwin’s room, and so on.  
   
It wasn't that long when you had reached the top of the staircase to the third floor of the castle and was making your way to your room. This side of the castle was alight with the same cover of faded black shadows that flooded the other floors. But you were a little much calmer now than when you left the medical wing a good hour or so earlier.  
   
A good few turns and doors passed later, you stood at the familiar wooden board that kept your privacy intact in a standard stone wall room. And as you were about to push into the safety of your bedroom, you thought of another door just down the hallways and past a certain ecstatic, russet hued, squad leader’s room.  
   
For a moment you wanted to laugh, thinking maybe you were pushing things too fast.  
   
You knew what you told Ysavelle. And you were determined to actually end this week long game of evasion. But it didn’t have to be this soon right?  
   
Your feet probably had a mind on its own then, because no sooner than a second had you left the doorway of your bedroom and was stealthily making your way in the hallways that suddenly seemed to narrow in your fit of anxiety. The winds the bellowed about, and the still continuing cloudburst outside was like a song, a thunderous tune that did nothing but turn the bubbling in your gut to a full throttle.  
   
Before you knew it, you were standing at a doorway that you’ve come to familiarize yourself with, due to the constant needs of other people—most superiors—to belittle the use of their legs and have the cadets passing papers around to people who were just a few doors down another’s.  
   
You didn’t know what to do next. Should you knock on the door and disturb the potential sleeping person inside? Or maybe you should just backtrack and prepare yourself for a good self-cursing as you go back to your room. Both of the choices looked appealing, and you were actually going to go for the latter since you figured you needed a good long talk with yourself with a wide vocabulary of words to hide the nervousness in your veins.  
   
And yet again, life probably wasn’t at your side this day, because as you turned around you had accidentally took a wrong step that had you clinging to the doorway you wanted to avoid.  
   
At that point in time you only wished the claps of thunder from the skies were loud enough to cover the clumsy sound of a rough thud as you leaned back on the doorway. Shaky steps finally getting you just a mere five inches away from the door when you heard a muffled sound that pretty much sounded like ‘shitty-glasses’.  
   
“And I’m fucked.” You cursed at yourself at the sound of the voice.  
   
“What the fuck do you want Hanji.” You visibly gulped when you heard a muffled voice inside the room you were just daring to run away from. Your legs were rooted to the stone though; the pads of your feet uncaring of the slight tingling that the cold polished floors were then giving you.  
   
When you heard from some members of the 105th that the captain wasn’t in such good spirits the past few days, you didn’t exactly expect this kind of sullen, I-will-kill-you-if-you-disturb-me kind of aura seeping through the small space underneath the door of the lance corporal’s office and bedroom combination.  
   
The lack of your response caused the impatient click of the tongue, and you had decided by then that if you don’t come back out of the captain’s room alive the next few hours or so, then just be it. It wasn’t a far fetched theory of yours that you were somewhat related to the unpleasant mood of the captain after all.  
   
So without even bothering to knock again, you just hoped for a scenario that didn’t end with a blade by your throat. And with cautious hands you had grasped the handle 0f the door, the click that resounded soon after and the creak of the hinges like a song for impending doom.  
   
“S-sir!” You said when you had stepped into the room like a child just new to the notion of walking. And you had mustered up a salute. Your eyes shut albeit a little too tight as you recited your name and affiliated faction, like the information wasn’t already known to the now subtly surprised man sitting on his office desk.  
   
The evidence of stacks of papers arranged on the polished wood of the corporal’s desk had told you then that paperwork was the current agenda of Humanity’s Strongest this early in the morning.  
   
It was silent for a while, and you had chosen the time to open your eyes just for safe measure if you were on the brink of death or so. You had never been in the corporal’s presence when he was defined by most of the faction as vexed, and to the others who have been unlucky enough to experience the man in such a state… let’s just say the stories you heard didn’t exactly leave a nice impression on you.  
   
The moment you (e/c) hues met gray, you were prepared to make a run for your room or to another one’s if you had to, because you were not sure if the way the captain was staring at you mirrored relief or some sort of well hidden intent to kill or something.  
   
Sensing your rather rigid posture, the captain dismissed your salute with a look. “(F/n).” The man acknowledged your presence, and you found yourself just giving a nod.  “What is it, brat?” The captain said in his usual impassive tone, and you found yourself tensing up, yet quite relieved at the same time since you were addressed with a tone that didn’t scream anger.  
   
“I…” You began, pausing for a while as it appears that your throat was dysfunctional at the moment.  
   
The captain just regarded you silently by then, Levi’s hands—that was hidden from your view as they were under the desk—had resorted to being clenched into tight fists, the raventte corporal ready to accept whatever rejection you had come to place on him.  
   
“I’m sorry if—” You tried again, but this time Levi had let out a sigh that he was supposed to keep hidden. And you stared at the man confusedly.  
   
“That’s enough.” Levi said, the man standing up at his desk as he walked over to you. At the sight of your slightly raised and scrunched up eyebrows, the corporal had let out another sigh, paperwork already giving him a blooming headache and he wasn’t sure he was in the proper mindset to accept a rejection.  
   
“But sir…” Your voice was frantic when it came out, and you were somewhat scared at the moment. Thinking maybe the tables have turned and you shouldn’t have gotten your hopes up. The middle of the night was not the ideal timeslot for a confession after all, more or less when a storm is raging outside and won’t cease anytime soon.  
   
“Just go on to those brats.” You heard the corporal say, and he didn’t look quite happy about his words too.  
   
“What?” You found yourself asking. And at this time the lance corporal was already standing next to you, ready to show you out his office for the sake of his sanity—if he still had any, since you basically took all that away.  
   
“You’re rejecting me.” Levi sighed, obviously annoyed that he had to blatantly admit his defeat. “But just so you know, our relationship will not change. I will treat you as I have before, as I am not so childish as to ignore you after this. It’s not like I expected anything after all.”  
   
“That’s—”  
   
“It’s late cadet.” The man muttered, and that kind of sent you the final blow that had you biting your lip and trying hard not to let some little drippings of emotion rush through your (e/c) orbs.  
   
You couldn’t help it.  
   
Things have been much too great to handle lately and just when you’ve decided to up front and tell the one person you liked about your feelings, here you were being pushed away. An needless to say, the lance corporal was a little taken aback by your reaction, the man recalling how a bespectacled brunette two doors down the halls had complained about you becoming a little on the sensitive side lately, a probable side effects of the medicinal drugs you were taking for healing, and the fact that a lot had happened to you the past four months.  
   
“Shit.” You heard the captain mutter in an irate yet somewhat worried tone.  
   
Levi wasn’t used to these kinds of situations. Being that the only sets of girls or women for that matter, who would have cried in his presence, would be family members of the deceased in expeditions. Humanity’s Strongest was apparently not as smooth in romance as most would have thought. Heck, he’s standing in front of the girl making his heart rampage and yet all he could do was stare the girl and then curse at himself.  
   
“Ahh, fuck.” You mumbled after a while, quite unused to showing such a side to people, much more a superior. “I’m sorry, sir… I—I’m going now. I’m sorry for bothering you.”  
   
“You didn’t bother me.” Levi replied, and the man was just about ready to kick himself over because he just found his ability to speak again when he needed it much earlier if possible.  
   
“I…” You paused for a while, looking over to the man who was looking off to the side. “I was going to say I like you too...” You trailed off. “But I guess I was too late? That sucks, but it’s okay. Goodnight sir.”  
   
You huffed for a moment, and then turned around, and you had just opened the door a little bit when it was harshly closed back down, a small yelp coming out of you since you didn’t really expect the rough handling on the wood. And you gulped as you felt the presence behind you drilling holes into the back of your head.  
   
“S-sir…?” You asked, turning so you could face the corporal who had to half trapped by the door with one hand resting on the wooden board just neat your head.  
   
“What did you just say?” The corporal asked sternly, and you bit your bottom lip in response as those gunmetal hues kept your (e/c) orbs in place and staring back.  
   
There was a small space between you two, and you broke away from those metallic pools of gray before you closed your eyes and pecked the corporal at the cheek, your nerves already exploded by the time you pulled back. And even without the need of a mirror, you could tell all the blood was rushing to your face.  
   
“Does that answer your question, sir?” You spat a little harshly, but you knew very well that you weren’t angry or anything of the sort. Just flustered, you concluded. Yes, you were just a little too much flustered right now.  
   
You heard the corporal draw in a breath and you heard was sounded like a chuckle coming from the usually stoic man. The sound ended just as soon as it came though, and you gulped at the return of the silent atmosphere. Levi all of a sudden had titled your chin up, and then there was the reluctant but quick peck onto your lips as well, the action causing you to redden, as if the previous hue wasn’t already enough.  
   
“Wh-wh—”  
   
“You missed.” Levi retorted with a slight smirk on his lips, and you only frowned at the man. But your cheeks gave away the fact that you weren’t exactly upset about the whole ordeal.  
   
And for a moment there was you, still fidgeting by the doorway.  
   
“S-so… does that mean we’re…”

“Yes.” The corporal gave your mop of (h/c) strands a ruffle. And though you were a little too happy at the current state of developments, you remembered a particular group of boys that you would have to face later on when the sun has actually risen up.  
   
"About the others..." You muttered.

"We can tell them in the morning."

"Y-yes sir."

"Levi."

You blinked for a little while. "Alright."  
   
And that was the last word that hung around the air for a while, until you looked on over to the stacks of paperwork still sitting atop the corporal’s desk (or maybe the more appropriate term now would be to refer to the man as your boyfriend). Levi then traced your sights and caught a good look at the paperwork he had to have done and filled until the end of the week.  
   
“I guess… I should go now.” You muttered, your (e/c) orbs looking down onto the floor as you weren’t used to the sudden change of events.  
   
“You can sleep in here.” The corporal said, and he led you to the connected bedroom from his office, giving you not much of a choice but to bundle yourself under the thin fabric of the blankets and hope that even if it’s impossible given the current circumstances, sleep would take you right away unless you wanted to die from severe blushing.  
   
The corporal had left you to continue his earlier task before you came by. The slight scraping sounds from a pen on paper and the ruffling of pages as they were carefully read from top to bottom had soothed you. And the soft orange glow from the oil lamp by the corporal’s desk top had seeped through the slit under the closed door to the man’s bedroom where you were currently in, the small light giving you enough comfort as you tried to ignore the harsh sounds of the storm outside.  
   
And finally, with the relief from stress you have felt the past week, matched with some effects of the medicine you took earlier the day before, sleep was finally able to overcome your consciousness in a few minutes flat. A fitful slumber pushing you deep into the land of dreams, enough that you didn’t notice the door to the bedroom as it creaked open, and the corporal had sat by the bedside, giving your head a gentle ruffle before resuming to another bundle of printed paper.  
   
And as the captain had closed the door to the bedroom, the unmistakable smile on his face was present before his expression reverted to the usual impassiveness at the sight of the papers he still had to go though.  
   
The captain was admittedly thankful of being sidetracked from his work because what resulted from the distraction was something worth pushing piles of lifeless paper over for. Even if you weren’t going to hear it though, Levi had whispered to the door behind him before he strode off to his desk, the subtle makings of a smile were plastered onto the mans lips as he said the words fondly.  
   
“Good night… brat.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ✖ A/N: I hope you guys like this chapter! I admit it's not my best, especially when I still feel quite displeased that the first version of this ending got deleted along with a good amount of homework by a faulty USB. I think the first version was better, but I did my best with this one too! I had extra time today after studying so here we go!
> 
> And umm... thank you again, for reaching the endings with me ^^ ♥
> 
> Oh! And canon pairings I have for this story were:
> 
> Blanche x Gareth  
> Ysavelle x Devan  
> You x whoever you choose
> 
> But of course if you chose Devan, then that automatically rules out his pairing with Ysa //v//)


	41. The End Resolutions (Eren Yeager)

 Beyond The Walls | Ending: Eren Yeager x Reader

 

The skies above were a blatant shade of blue, speckled throughout with clouds of white and pale gray. The sun would play with the shadows as it hid against the passing clouds before reappearing again with that soothing warmth, the minuscule rays from the fire orb seeping through the millimeter spaces between the leaves that acted as a cover above you, gentle green hues swaying slightly with the wind, relaxing you.  
   
The horizon that was stretched above you was mirrored in your (e/c) hues so vividly, and for a moment you felt happy. But that was until you decided to move your arms splayed by your side while hoping to shift into a sitting position instead of lying down on the blanket of thick grass by the base of a feet long tree.  
   
The searing pain from your limbs with your small movements sent tingles down your spine. And you were once again reminded about the pros and cons about going full out into training until you reach the point where you were forcefully taken out of hand-to-hand combat because you and your partner might—no, will die from exhaustion and extreme fatigue (unless your bones all break first).  
   
And your partner for the day actually protested with you that you both could go on. Aiden Zachary, fifth best in the 105th Trainees Squad graduates was the by far the best in hand-to-hand combat next to the late Blanche Eloise after all. Those two would compete from time to time, but not the competitive type of battling that ensured bloodshed would occur.  
   
Blanche and Aiden were simply looking for ways to improve themselves, and you who were graced with a select few times to be partners with the two during your training days had benefited you a lot.  
   
In any case, as you and Aiden protested and demanded to be trained what you guys were worth, one of the Scouting Legion’s squad leaders overseeing the training was about to let you guys off the hook. Except a particular brunette superior who also came to assess the cadets had chosen that time to step into the banter and actually pinch your upper arm.  
   
The pinching wasn't exactly hard, and it couldn't actually pass as a pinching since to everyone who was looking onto the ruckus you and your partner were making, the brunette squad leader simply tapped your upper arm or something similar to a slight grazing.  
   
So when you doubled up in pain and actually had tears threatening to fall from your eyes after the gentle touching, you automatically sealed your fate of banishment from the training grounds. Aiden was requested to rest up too, and though the boy could handle the straining muscles quite better than you, you both were simply worked beyond the point of exhaustion and no one would actually be surprised if you two passed out in a few minutes flat.  
   
But since obviously both you and Aiden couldn't walk a lot, much more use the stairs without wishing for your legs to just be cut off, squad leader Hanji had agreed that you two can stay on the training grounds—a relatively good distance away from it—and just rest and hope that when training is done, you and the ravenette male could finally walk enough to be able to reach past the castle doors and up the stairs to your upper floor rooms.  
   
So here you were under the shade of the tree and looking up towards the sky for what felt like hours. But judging from the morning sky displayed above you at the moment, you guessed not even half an hour had passed since your training was cut a tad too short. The sky was far too blue to be considered the afternoon after all, and you knew training would have to end at noon or maybe even past that.  
   
Lunch break would occur of course, but some cadets actually trained through lunch break and had their meals an hour later or so. The life of military personnel were always riddled in skewed up routines, and as such, scattered meal times were quite normal, though a good portion of the 105th made it a point to eat together just because the next expedition ensured quite sadly that a lot of faces wouldn't be present the next couple lunches and dinners around.  
   
The expedition was not to be conducted until months later of course, but people have just learned to not take things for granted anymore. Life was always fleeting after all, but in the Scouting Legion, your life expectancy is not predetermined by those scientific books and good nutrition. Life expectancy rates of a Scouting Legion cadet was up until the moment you are grasped in a titan’s hold. And should you manage to escape the clutches of those beings, then your life would be extended up until the next expedition would commence.  
   
Your thoughts were given a pause as you saw geese flying in the blue backdrop, the figures disappearing over the greens that shielded you from the glares of the sun, and then the birds would reappear to where the leaves were not able to cover. Those blotches of white and gray hued feather heading to a direction east, and though you didn’t know where the birds would go, a safe guess of yours would be that the end destination of the animals would be outside the walls.  
   
And at the thought that you were chained here inside said walls with no means of going out and getting a taste of what freedom should be, you scrunched up your eyebrows and frowned a little bit at the realization that you might not ever get to see those crystal-blue salt-waters and burning seas of sorts.  
   
With distaste, you parted sights with the skies for a while, contempt in your features and then relief because your head movements apparently do not give you any pain like your over-worked body would present you with, even if you did something as simple as try to raise a finger up.  
   
Your (e/c) pools scanned against a sea of green and colors of hay and brown,  hose patches of thick grass and barren dry land alternating in incomprehensible patterns. And from the far off distance just past the hard working cadets deflecting and conducting the hits, you caught a glimpse of that raven haired male sitting by the gray stone wall a few meters left of the entrance doorway to the Scouting Legion’s castle.  
   
Training grounds for hand-to-hand combat was usually just a few meters past the entrance of the castle too, and earlier, you and Aiden were retiring to the stone wall just to rest up when you saw some tree a good dozen feet away from the castle. And seeing the place you thought you would rather rest under the shade than feel like you were plastered towards sleet gray and had the sun pound into your form relentlessly.  
   
Your only problem was trying to get to that place, but you figured the extreme want to go under the distant tree was practically seeping out of your form because your vision was suddenly marred by a shadow, the sight of someone’s dirt strewn trousers first landing your sights before a similar mud-streaked button-up and military jacket was seen when you trailed your eyes upward.  
   
You were about to get to the face and finally recognize this person standing before you, but at the time, Aiden had spoken breathlessly at first, the boy still unable to actually regain the proper timely breathing just like you.  
   
“Hey...” Aiden muttered, a pant following the words almost automatically.  
   
The person before you didn’t reply to the ravenette, but you guessed a nod or some form of acknowledgement was given because Aiden suddenly just grinned in response.  
   
“How is it?” A voice above you asked, and from the moment the first word was spoken, you let out a sigh of relief at the knowledge that you knew the person shielding you from the harsh sun.  
   
“Should be fine in a while.” Aiden answered albeit a little delayed since the boy was probably torn between wanting to act tough and being honest, to which your sparring partner had just settled with the truth. “I’m not sure about (F/n) though.” Aiden paused to let your growl emanate in the air, displeasure displayed unabashedly in your features. “I accidentally kicked her by the ribs actually, and she passed out for a minute.” Aiden said, and though you didn’t see it, you were sure the boy was giving you an apologetic smile at the time.  
   
It was just a little accident, a slip of your defense and some kind of instinctive action on Aiden’s part. You were thankful when the kick happened, people were too focused on their own spars to even notice. The superiors tasked to look of over the training by then, were discussing some things about another matter and had their attentions focused solely on pieces of slipped paper. And if those reasons didn’t cover all the bases, you and Aiden trained a good distance away from the lot of training cadets.  
   
Nobody objected to the slight isolation though, because it was factual knowledge between the 105th that whenever you and Aiden trained together in hand-to-hand, you two tended to get out of hand and no one admittedly wanted an accidental kick from either the ravenette or you.  
   
In any case, with the uncalculated kick to your ribs just an hour past the start of training, you literally blacked out for a moment as the wind was forcibly knocked out of your system. Aiden was able to grab you by the arm before you fell though, and you could only blink your eyes in response, just nodding to the apologies pouring out of the boy’s lips.  
   
You two then had a silent agreement of sorts that not a word of the rib-kicking was to be said. You've had enough scolding from a certain squad leader about taking care of yourself, and you've definitely had enough visits to the medial facilities that you were sure you could draw a pretty accurate blueprint of the place even with your eyes closed.  
   
And here Aiden goes telling someone about that supposed secret.  
   
It doesn't help that you felt a glare being directed at you from above too, a glare that worsened an approximate tenfold at the mention of this new bruising you had acquired.  
   
“Oi, don’t be angry at her Devan.” Aiden said a little reluctantly, finally addressing the person standing before you with a name and confirming your thoughts on the once mysterious person (not that you needed any confirmation). “It’s my fault, I was aiming for the shoulder and lost my footing then there you go.”  
   
“I’m not angry though.” Devan sighed, and Aiden gave a small worried smile as the beige haired boy tossed something to the ravenette sitting slumped beside you. “I’ll come back for that.”  
   
And that was the last thing Devan said as you felt the boy moving to your unoccupied side and slouching a little.  
   
You were a little confused about the movements, and you were just about to ask about it when you suddenly felt yourself being lifted up swiftly, your back and legs being supported by a set of arms aside from the wall and the stretch of dried grass.  
   
A pained hiss left you at the sudden action, and you heard an apology tersely being said from above you. “See ya.” Devan muttered to the ravenette who was now looking up at you and your best friend.  
   
“Yeah, I will.” Aiden muttered, and knowing the nature of the guy, the male cadet probably just gave a smile and a wave (and here you imaging the slight grimace at the pained muscles) to dismiss you and your best friend.  
   
When you and the beige haired boy were out of earshot from the ravenette, you gave another sigh and looked up, seeing Devan’s eyes trained on somewhere distant.  
   
“What is this?” You asked, earning you Devan’s prized glare that you had to admit was a little bit scary at the moment.  
   
“I will drop you.” The boy muttered, and you only scoffed.  
   
“Fine then.”  
   
And Devan actually loosened his hold on you, causing you to let out a yelp and another pained grunt as the boy tightened his hold on your and continued walking towards a place far from the training cadets. The smirk on the boy’s face as you looked up caused your blood to boil, but you tried to suppress the frustration as much as you could because knowing Devan, he wouldn't think twice about actually dropping you to the ground.  
   
What’s a meter or so of a drop going to do to you anyway?  
   
Under normal circumstances, you could take a fall that short. But now wasn't exactly a normal circumstance and though you will survive the terse fall, you didn’t exactly want to feel an unimaginable pain shooting through your body if you back met the earth a little too harshly.  
   
“You’re an ass.” You seethed at the thought, and the boy above you just chuckled slightly.  
   
“Thank you (F/n).” The boy replied sarcastically, and at the moment you could only wish by some miraculous event that you could regain even just a small amount of strength to flip your best friend around. But life doesn't really happen that way, so you had to settle for some more grumblings before you finally spoke up with a slight curiosity lining your voice.  
   
“Where are you taking me.” You said, much more a statement of demand rather than a question.  
   
“Over here.” Devan replied, and just as he said that, you were set down on a thick patch of grass with your head just a few inches near the base of a thickly-branched tree. A relaxing shadow was cast over both of your forms, and the rays of the sun could only hope to pass through the thick canopy of leaves high above you.  
   
The beige haired boy sat beside you, his legs outstretched as his back leaned onto the rough trunk of the massive perennial, and the both of you just sat there in silence as the subtle winds combed through your colored tresses gently, the sound of far shouting from the battling cadets near the castle drowned out a little by the distance.  
   
“You looked like you wanted to be here.” Devan finally said after a while.  
   
“I’m surprised you knew.” You chuckled a little, and then you bit your bottom lip for a little while as another soothing breeze swept by and further splayed your (h/l) (h/c) locks against the plush grasses. “Thanks by the way… for not dropping me.”  
   
You paused for a while to catch your breath, your heart still pounding violently from your chest as proof that the adrenalin rush of needing to steal a wooden dagger from earlier was still present in your body, and there was only so much that a couple minutes of sitting in front of the sun could do to alleviate the stressed muscles and joints.  
   
Devan’s scoffing had caused you to peel away from the green roof above, your (h/c) eyes meeting browns that looked down at you.  
   
Your best friend had raised a hand then, and before you knew it, your hair was being ruffled gently. You found eyes fluttering shut at the movements by your head, and for a moment it felt like time had stopped and had a good rewind back into the times where you were merely a damaged girl in Sina. That time when you just got out of the horrors of the insane asylum and the murders, and you were just learning to trust people again.  
   
There would be days that Erian and Devan would visit you and whisk you away from your home towards a good portion of greens where some Military Police soldiers patrolled in to ensure safety of the civilians. The murders of Sina had shaken up everyone, but no one could compare to that little girl who had witnessed and survived the said horrors herself.  
   
So even with heightened security about, you still didn’t feel safe enough.  
   
At those times in your life, Erian and Devan made some kind of mechanism to help you cope up with your insecurities. Erian would tell you stories, whether made up or from reality, theories about the outside world, or even simple happenings back in her old life at the fallen Shiganshina District. Devan on the other hand would listen intently to the stories like you would, and he would comment on things on your behalf, but the boy would ruffle your hair gently all the while, as if to tell you ‘It’s okay, you’re safe now, Erian and I won’t let it happen to you again’.  
   
“I won’t actually drop you, idiot.” Devan allowed your reminiscing to settle down, your eyes opening again and blinking harshly at the flooding light.  
   
“I assure you, you would.” You said in response.  
   
“Maybe I will since you want it so much.” The boy smirked down at you, and you scowled back.  
   
“You’re skipping on training.” You remarked.  
   
“I had permission to take care of my sister.”  
   
“Wh—”  
   
“You.”  
   
You bit the inside of your cheek a little bit and sighed. The heat of the sun washing over the area was devastating indeed. Honestly, you were a little surprised people hadn't started dropping to the ground out of the blue due to a much anticipated heat stroke. You were grateful you were under the shade though, but you could feel small twitches on your arms and legs, and you thought maybe it would be better to have the limbs detached so you wouldn't feel the constant stream of pain every time you breathed.  
   
“I’ll be back in the field in fifteen minutes I guess.” Devan muttered, his hand on your head halting a bit.  
   
“Thanks bro.”  
   
You teased with a smirk on your face, but you didn’t earn a smack on the head or something similar from your teasing tone. Devan merely grunted back at you, his brown orbs looking back to a superior scolding a cadet for probably slacking off. And you found yourself furrowing your eyebrows since the atmosphere suddenly became a notch awkward.  
   
“Say something.” You said with obvious anxiety. “It’s kind of weird, you being all caring…”  
   
Devan peeled his sights away from the pair of cadet and squad leader and instead looked down on you for a moment before returning his sights somewhere else.  
   
“I always was?” The boy responded, a bit reluctant since you figured he too wasn’t used to being this affectionate. “I’m not joking. You, Erian, Ysavelle, I wouldn't mind engaging in a bloodbath. I doubt I’ll last, but heck, you guys… you’re the only family I have left.”  
   
You noticed the dip in the atmosphere, and you bit your bottom lip hoping that the mood would go up. Devan just sighed from above you, and you noticed that small distant look on his face as it landed on a patch of wildflowers sprouting in the distance, colors of lavender or pale blue-purple, shining brightly against a vivid green.  
   
“I’m an orphan actually.” Devan suddenly said, and you glanced up at him.  
   
“Aren’t...” You paused for a while, thinking about whether you should stop or not. You chose the latter. “ Aren't you… since the fall of—didn’t your parents die there?”  
   
“My mother died weeks before the fall.” Devan responded. “My father died soon after. I was alone when the Colossal Titan breached the walls.”  
   
“Let’s stop this…” You muttered, your hands wanting to wring themselves together in anxiety but you couldn't do anything with all your hurting flesh.  
   
“I figured I never really told you about myself. It was a topic we never threaded to, but I wasn't opposed to it.” The beige haired boy looked down on you and resumed his erratic rubbing by your head. “Suicide...” He murmured, and you pursed your lips a little as you couldn't quite catch the words said.  
   
“What?”  
   
“My mother killed herself.”  
   
Devan sighed after those words, and you knew how much of a burden this was for the boy to actually say those words. Admittedly you wanted to tell your best friend to stop talking about such a depressing matter, but then you knew that the boy probably needed this kind of release. There was only so much bottling up your thoughts could do after all.  
   
You couldn't offer a comment or anything about the statement though. What would you say anyway? Oh... I see? That sounds bad? My late condolences? So deciding you couldn't offer anything at all, you just zipped your mouth shut and nodded. Devan caught on to your predicament and smiled a little at your attempt to be respectful.  
   
“We met at ten, right? During a rouse with the MP.” Devan stated.  
   
“Yep.” You muttered back. “I was on the market with my mother, and to be honest that day I didn’t want to go out. I’m glad I was forced to though.”  
   
The beige haired boy hummed at your words. “I lost my parents just months back then I think. My mother was paranoid, always thinking about the walls getting breached. And she wasn't wrong, so one day while I was playing outside and my father was out working in the fields, I can home and saw her hanging there.”  
   
You grimaced at the image that protruded your senses, and Devan gave you an apologetic pat, the boy knowing your over imaginative mind might have conjured a near perfect replica of the scene without much detail being told to you.  
   
“I had to get her down naturally.” Devan continued, and you could send the reluctance in his voice. “I set her on the floor and listened to her heartbeat, even if I knew there wasn't going to be anything anymore. And when my father came home hours later, he was okay, for the most part. He said he shouldn't have gone to work, and he helped set up a funeral.”  
   
“Devan this…”  
   
“I’m alright talking about this (F/n).” Your best friend interrupted your sentence. “I never really told anyone, and people assumed my parents died in the fall. It’s… okay.”  
   
But you knew that nothing was ‘okay’. And you really felt so bad at the moment because you've had a couple problems of your own, and Devan had something quite similar yet you never learned about it until now.  
   
“I feel terrible...” You trailed off.  
   
“I didn’t intend for that to happen when telling you this.” The boy sighed, and you mirrored the deep-rooted release of breath.  
   
“Let’s finish this then.” You muttered. “Finish the story you started. I know how frustrating it is to keep these stories inside. I’m not going to comment or anything, but rest assured I’m listening.”  
   
“You’re so reliable (F/n).” The boy muttered in mock monotone.  
   
“I will kick you. Just wait till I can feel my hands again, I will.” You threatened, though you and your best friend knew your words were empty.  
   
“There’s not much to say about the story though.” Devan continued on.  
   
“It’s okay, just spit it out.” You replied, and Devan made some kind of throaty sound that made you snap your head towards him, the sudden movement causing a pain to shoot up your spine but you ignored it anyway. “I don’t mean actually spit!” You said hurriedly and in a panic.  
   
“Really?”  
   
“Dev…” You sighed.  
   
“Alright, alright.” The boy chuckled a little bit before taking his hand away from your head to crack his fingers momentarily.  
   
“So…?”  
   
“There really isn't much to say. Everything was okay, for the most part at least.” Devan said in response to your urging. And it was a calming silence for a while, with you just counting the seconds before your best friend would finally be able to be comfortable enough to tell you this private matter of his.  
   
From experience, you knew confiding into someone—even to a very trusted person of yours—would be hard. It took you months to finally open up to your parents after you were rescued from the clutches of a murderer, and you couldn't even bring yourself to tell the whole story before breaking down or needed to hurl in the bathroom.  
   
You didn’t want to rush Devan into telling you things when he wasn't prepared to.  
   
In the eyes of someone else, it must be confusing how people needed a good amount of time to gather up courage and speak out about a past event. It wasn't hard after all, right? Just say what you want to say and there you go. Problem solved. Open your mouth, and let a few words flow, generally speaking, there wasn't anything hard about the task.  
   
But well, to people who have seen some kind of replication of hell on earth, just opening your mouth doesn't cut it. There are days when you want to tell people about your fears and burdens, but no words just come out. It’s hard to explain, but some things just can’t be casually spoken.  
   
‘Hello’ and ‘Goodnight’ would require far less effort than ‘Oh, hey, my mother died’ and ‘So, the titans killed my friend’.  
   
So if Devan wanted the time, then sure, you didn’t mind waiting long. Of course, the brown eyed boy needed to go to back to training and you were sure the fifteen minute break he requested was coming to a close end. But oh well, if you won’t get to hear the story of Devan’s past today then that was fine. Actually, maybe you’d like that better.  
   
“After my mother died…” Devan breathed after a while, and you only nodded to say you would listen. “I don’t know, things were relatively well… my mother’s funeral ended without a hitch, my father continued to work. He looked okay, always came home before night fell, and ten one time two weeks after my mother died, my father said he would come home late because of work.”  
   
You remained silent, allowing your best friend to continue in his talking.  
   
“I’m pretty sure you could guess what happened.”  
   
Devan muttered, and you only smiled at him weakly, urging the boy to continue even if it was true that you did have a pretty good idea what might have happened that one overnight workday.  
   
“My father never came home, and the next morning I woke up to find Garrison soldiers knocking on the house door and telling me late the night before, my father threw himself out of the walls after bypassing wall security. And then another week later was the fall. To be honest I thought that was it for me, but a neighbor whisked me away, brought me to the docks with her family and I bumped into Erian from there. The rest of the story you already know, sold to the underground and months after ‘working’, Erian and I crossed paths with you. That’s it.”  
   
You took in a good long breath and exhaled slowly, the information your best friend was telling you becoming too much at the time. “Life is a shitty person.” You muttered afterwards, and you could feel Devan smirk from above you.  
   
“It is.” Your best friend said, and then a few minutes of silence passed by before Devan opened his mouth to speak. “Thank you.” He said, and you smiled back.  
   
“Thanks for telling me.” You replied.  
   
“Of course.”  
   
And then you settled into the relaxed state quite easily after your best friend’s revelation. But the relaxation was unexpectedly short lived as your mind flitted back to the reason why every part of your below your head was hurting in ways unimaginable.  
   
You never really trained that hard—okay, maybe you do, but you did have to admit that the scale of hand-to-hand combat training earlier was far too intense than the usual. For one, you felt like you were actually out to kill and stab your partner with the wooden weapon.  
   
And as if the male beside you read your thoughts, he spoke up again.  
   
“You could have used other means to distract yourself.”  
   
“Oh, yes, thank you for the late suggestion.” You said, emphasizing on the ‘late’ word.  
   
Yes, you were training harder than usual to distract yourself from a particular event that happened just right after Erian had brought you back to the Scouting Legion HQ about a week and a half ago. Actually, you were still under extensive supervision and wasn’t allowed to engage in any form of training until a month later, but you managed to talk Hanji out of it, even though your training sessions were considerably cut short than that of a usual cadet.  
   
“So… who is it then?” Devan asked all of a sudden.  
   
“Who, what?” You said nervously.  
   
“Your choice from the group of people, our superiors I mean, who so blatantly confessed their undying love and adora—”  
   
“I will fucking kick you.” You groaned, and Devan let out a small laugh.  
   
“To be honest, I don’t really care who you choose.” The boy said after his fit of laughter, and he met your glaring (e/c) orbs with his brown pools. “As long as you’re okay then that’s good enough for me and Erian, and Ysa.”  
   
“I don’t know.” You muttered. “I mean, it’s hard. I respect them a lot. You know they were my ‘heroes’ of sorts, and I can assure you romantic relations are not my forte.”  
   
Devan shrugged and mussed your hair a little more before standing up, and you could hear some joints popping.  
   
“It’s not my forte as well, but if you do choose, they will respect your decision. If not, then I’ll make them. It’s not exactly my place to say, but you've been leaving them hanging for a while, and you’d best decide soon before the shifter changes his mind, right?”  
   
“Yeah oka—wait?! Dev?! Wh-wha—”  
   
“You think I wouldn't know?” The boy smirked, and you so desperately wanted to cover your face with your hands but your muscles decided that wasn't going to happen. “You’re not exactly that smooth about hiding your affections (F/n). Or at least I can tell because I’m with you almost all the time.”  
   
“Shut up and go.” You groaned, embarrassment dripping at every word you said.  
   
“I’m going back to get you later.” Devan said with that teasing tone still intact, and then he jogged off until he reunited with his partner, which so happened to be Aria who was looking over your direction for a moment before resuming her sparring with your best friend.  
   
And that was basically what transpired before you were left here, staring at the morning sky and all alone.  
   
But the isolation was much appreciated as it was soothing for you, though that calming effect was quickly trampled over when you saw those geese flying minutes ago, the reminder that your freedom is still far away making you furrow your eyebrows before your reminiscing to the events that happened just a few minutes back.  
   
You were still staring at Aiden’s spot when you put a stop to your recollections, and though you could not see much of the boy’s features due to the distance, you guessed the ravenette had sent you a smile—to which of course you smiled back, even if the boy wouldn't see your reaction as well.  
   
After a few minutes more of staring, you brought your sights away from the on-going training and back onto the layer of greens naturally pasted against the thick branches above.  
   
Admittedly, you knew you were being unfair with delaying your response to the group of people who gathered up enough willpower to actually let you know what you meant to them. It wasn't you intention to avoid your superiors at first, but whenever you would walk around the halls and hear familiar voices, or even go to the mess hall for meals, your legs would just buckle up and before you knew it, you would be panting by your bedroom door with your heart speeding a hundred kilometers per microsecond.  
   
You were quite relieved as well, that when you woke up and prepared for training, the usual restocking of supplied were needed, but it wasn’t about equipment for the expedition, the restocking was for food items and other products to aid people in day to day living. Of course, as the restocking had to be taken good care of due to the budgeting, the superiors where the ones who normally ran the errand.  
   
And lucky for you, a particular set of boys and corporal were included in the twenty or so soldiers sent out to the marketplace for the usual crates of food and other supplies.  
   
This errand shouldn't last until half a day you guessed, given the soldiers left two hours before today’s training started at seven in the morning. And because food was the main priority among other things, the errand didn’t require extensive travelling to Sina. Just the marketplace in Rose is enough, food was plenty and fresh around these parts, and you could guess things were a tad cheaper than those from the inner walls.  
   
You were dreading the moment you had to hear horses’ hooves galloping through the grassy planes. Love was never on the top of your priority list, you thought, but then even without much knowledge, you knew how hard it must be to anticipate the reply of someone you’ve regarded affectionately for a while now.  
   
As much as you hated it, Devan was right.  
   
You couldn't just keep dragging on like this, and what if… what if the guy you actually liked would change his mind with your belated reply?  
   
And this was the part where your cheeks flared a triple scarlet, a scowl forming on your face as you clenched your eyes shut. It wasn't that long that sleep had taken over the reins of your consciousness, and there you lay in that peaceful field for a while, the sounds of mock one-on-one battles lulling you further into a pool of soothing black.  
   
You didn’t know long your slumber lasted, but when you opened your eyes, the sky was a gradient of orange and yellow with flecks of purples and peach, and the white clouds from before were now coated with similar colors. The picture was beautiful, and yet you furrowed you brows since you were sure this was way past lunch time and Devan said he would come and get you.  
   
You let out a guttural sigh, and you noticed your arms were quite manageable now, as there was still the pain, but it was numbed to a good degree.  
   
It took you a little while more to notice a figure sitting beside you, and you allowed a mocking tone to fill you before you spoke.  
   
“You said you’d wake me up D—”  
   
You paused your words abruptly though, as when you looked up to the sitting figure, instead of the usual brown eyes of your male best friend, you were met with the sight of shades of cerulean turquoise, speckles of brown and green infused in the orbs making you gulp and words just seemed inexistent at the moment.  
   
“S-sir…” You muttered almost automatically after the realization that the person sitting beside you was not your best friend by a long shot.  
   
“H-hey.” The person responded, and you caught the small reluctant tone in the words too.  
   
You forced yourself to sit up, but it appears you were still too strained to do so. There was a light chuckle that resonated with the sailing winds, and you felt yourself biting the inside of your cheek. You didn’t know what may come out of this rather sudden meeting. Of course, you knew you said you would make the choice, but not exactly after you woke up.  
   
You were thinking waiting things out for a day so you can conjure up a speech or something, but yeah. Life was probably sadistic as of late and decided to give you much unneeded help.  
   
“I umm… I heard you overworked yourself.” The boy sitting beside you muttered, and you thought this conversation probably wasn’t what the cadet wanted to do, but you figured just going along with things is fine for now.  
   
“Y-yeah.” You said after a while. “I’m sore all over.” You added, and just to prove your point, you made the effort of lifting your arm an inch from the ground for a good two seconds before it plopped back down and you let out a nicely suppressed grunt of pain.  
   
“I can… see that.” The boy muttered with his voice was somewhat shaky, and you felt quite bad for that actually.  
   
“How was the errand sir?” You found yourself asking, a reluctant smile forming on your lips as you took your sights away from those pools of green and up onto the colorful sky above.  
   
For a moment there was a silence. “You’re being too formal.” The boy muttered, and you found your heart just drumming against your rib cage at the sound of the subtly pained voice. You were about to say something, but then you heard a light chuckle before words resumed in the space beside you. “The errand was okay, I fought with Jean over something stupid. I umm… yeah, that’s it.”  
   
You hummed in response, and you noticed that beside the boy there was a familiar pouch you used to see a certain blue-gray eyed girl carry around. It was Ysavelle’s property, your guessed, and there was a small confusion in your face as you saw this personal item of your best friend’s sitting on the grass beside your superior.  
   
The brunette male beside you must have realized your attention on the small drawstring bag though, and he cleared his throat to gain your attention. “This… I was helping to move the crates around when Ysavelle stopped me and passed me this.” Eren gestured to the cloth pouch beside him for emphasis. “She said I should go wake you up and check up on you.”  
   
“Those three…” You murmured, figuring your best friends had plotted this.  
   
The brunette beside you let out a sigh after a while, and there was the reappearance of the tense settlement around your form.  
   
Wracking your brain for a good formulated speech, you found unsurprisingly none. So with a sigh you just bit your bottom lip and tried to push yourself off the ground so you could sit up. The task proved to be hard and had you nearly in tears for the cramping in your limbs, but the boy beside you was quick to act and help you.  
   
In a minute or so you were settled by the base of the tree, your back against the cool bark, and your legs just stretched onto the grass. Your arms were simply bent by your sides so you could rest your forearms by your lap, the jolting in your muscles making you let out a few breaths to calm your nerves down.  
   
After what felt like a good five minutes, you figured maybe you could engage conversation again.  
   
“Umm… sir—no, sorry, Eren.” You corrected yourself. “I… about the—”  
   
“It’s okay.” The boy chuckled a little bit and ruffled your hair. “I lost right?” Eren said, and you heard that painful tone again. “Not that you were a competition. I… they’re great people. And whatever happens I hope it’s okay to keep liking you?”  
   
“Wait.”  
   
“Let’s get this over with.” Eren gestured to the pouch beside him.  
   
You felt your heart scrunching up in pain at those words, and you let out a breath as if to expel the pain, but that hurtful feeling still stayed, causing you to furrow your eyebrows and clench you fists by your lap.  
   
Eren noticed the change in your expression and he let out a forced smile before fixing his sitting position so that he sat cross-legged beside you. The brunette then took the drawstring pouch on the grass and placed it on his lap, his hands doing quick work to open the cloth bag and sift through the contents before pulling out a swab of cotton and some kind of bottled liquid.  
   
“I’m not used to these kinds of things.” The boy muttered as he gestured to take your hand, and you stared at him for a while before sighing, your (e/c) orbs not really liking the dejected expression reflecting on those hues of greenish blue.  
   
You gave a curt nod and Eren took a hand away from your lap to rest it on his knee. Your pained expression at the gentle action was proof enough of your over exhaustion at training. And Eren, as well as almost everyone of your friends knew that you only went to such extremes when you were troubled about something or wished to forget about an event.  
   
When the brunette started to gently run the cotton swab against your arm, it was only then that you realized maybe the pain in your arms wasn’t just in the muscles. You had acquired a few cuts, you just realized, and you suppressed a hiss as the disinfectant gave those cuts a small tingling.  
   
“Are you okay?” Eren asked reluctantly, and you nodded.  
   
Things were like that or a while, you continuing to suppress tears as the harsh liquid sent a burning sensation to minuscule wounds in your skin, and your brunette superior just spewing cusses to himself and strings of apologies towards you. For both arms, this was the routine, and when the disinfecting and cleaning was done, Eren had produced a roll of white—bandages you were sure—from the pouch.  
   
The boy then set out wrapping your forearms with the cloth, and you felt a little better at each wrapping, since it felt like something was supporting your muscles, and the pressure on your arms felt quite relaxing.  
   
It was when Eren was about to finish on both arms that you had decided to pick up the conversation starting back from the romantic theme.  
   
You just had to get this over with, otherwise you’d feel like retrieving your gear and stabbing yourself over and over because that seemed less painful than seeing those green orbs reflecting a most unbearable sadness.  
   
“S-sir…” You said, and you cursed yourself at you recession into formalities but it was too late to withdraw from that as Eren had stopped his work by your wrist to look up as you. “About the confession, I’m sorry if took s—”  
   
“It’s really okay.” Eren said hurriedly, and he looked back down to resume wrapping as blooming bruise an inch above the back of your wrist. “I mean, if it’s burdensome , these feelings I mean, it’s okay. Give me a month, I’ll probably figure something out to forget these feelings.”  
   
There it was again, that shooting pain through your heart.  
   
You drew in a shaky breath and bit your bottom lip, your voice coming off too shaky but you managed to let a good sentence out.  
   
“What if… I don’t want you to forget?”  
   
“Wh—” The brunette looked up to you as soon as you finished the sentence, but you averted your eyes from those teal shades just as quickly.  
   
Your lips were quivering as you bit on them from the inside, and you were sure you could taste some iron in there but you couldn't stop. Your chest was conducting a symphony of violent percussion, and your eyes were blurring from the mix of emotion running through you.  
   
“I… I don’t want you to forget.” You rephrased, and then you felt your chin being moved, Eren’s hand gently guiding you to face him again, your face beet red and there was the threat of tears that made the brunette’s heart just lurch.  
   
“(F-F/n)—”  
   
“I like you.” You muttered quickly, and that set off the first tear rolling down your cheek, whether the cause was from the onslaught of emotions or the pain from your muscles, you didn’t know.  
   
Eren had removed his hold on your chin in favor of cupping your cheeks reluctantly, and his thumbs gently wiped away at the sides of your eyes so that the teardrops wouldn't meet with the blades of grass. It happened like this for a good minute, and after you had calmed down enough, you were resigned to regain your strength so you could slam yourself against a tree for this weak display of yours.  
   
When you've settled for good, Eren had pressed his forehead to yours, his eyes regarding you like the delicate wings of a bee. And you could see a smile on his face, not exactly the full-blown grin per se, just the happy, heartwarming smile that gave birth to butterflies in your stomach.  
   
“I like you too (F/n).” Eren muttered, his breath caressing the side of your cheek before he withdrew from you and resumed the task on bandaging you up.  
   
The sky was a deeper shade of orange now, and your stomach had just taken the time to let out a subtle growl due to the missed meal time.  
   
Eren only chuckled, and as he clipped the last of the bandage in your forearms, he returned all medical-related instruments onto Ysavelle’s little pouch and he strapped the bag on his belt.  
   
“I umm…” You started.  
   
“We should go back?” Eren asked, and you let out a small nod.  
   
Eren was the first to stand up, and you thought the boy was going to offer a hand to help you stand too, but then the brunette bent down and picked you up, just like what Devan did earlier. There was a crimson hue in your cheeks as Eren began to walk towards the castle, and from the small chuckle you could hear from the guy, you figured the erratic beating of your heart was quite obvious with the close contact.  
   
And it took you a small moment to realize another heart beating rapidly, a smile protruding from your lips as you draped your arms loosely around the neck of your new found boyfriend.  
   
“Are we… are we really together now?” You heard Eren speak, and you hummed.  
   
“I would be upset if we still weren't.”  
   
“Then we are.” Eren chuckled, and he stopped walking for a moment and tapped your shoulder a little, causing you to exert quite the good amount of effort to part from where your head was resting on the boy’s shoulder.  
   
Eren looked reluctant for a moment, but he gave you a gentle peck on the cheek, his face a blossom red when he parted and smiled at you sheepishly. You blinked for a moment, before you decided to bury you face onto the crook of the boy’s neck, your eyebrows furrowed as you weren't exactly used to that kind of affection.  
   
The brunette then continued his walk towards the mess hall, and you could only imagine everyone’s shock and all the explaining you had to do.  
   
But right now however, you could only focus on a spot on your cheek where lips had touched, and the slight chuckle that erupted afterward.  
   
“I love you (F/n). I really, really, love you.” Eren murmured.  
   
And it took a while but you managed.  
   
“I… love you too Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this, and thank you for the wishes on my exams, I think I did well on most of them /)////(\\)


	42. The End Resolutions (Armin Arlert)

 Beyond The Walls | Ending: Armin Arlert x Reader

  

 

“I think it’s going to rain soon…”  
   
You glanced up from your handiwork on a thick piece of foam perforated with what could be your best V-shaped cut yet. Not that you were one for perfectionism, because as much as you enjoyed a flawless cutting, you’d much rather focus on efficiency and stealth as the latter two were much more important when in an expedition where every second spent outside the walls could very well be your last.  
   
“What do you think (F/n)?”  
   
Ysavelle’s bluish gray hues flicked from a general direction above and landed on your visage, and from the subtle change in her expression you could guess you’re going to be slated for another lesson of ‘How to not overwork yourself every single damned time we go into training’ by the ravenette girl.  
   
And you’re guessing Erian and Devan might pitch in later on to repeat the lecture of the consequences of tensed muscles and how you’re going to regret it when you wake up the next day (which you do—but it’s not like you would tell them about it).  
   
“(F/n)?” Ysavelle asked again, and this time you let out a sigh as you ran a hand through your wind tousled (h/l) strands.  
   
“I hope not.” You reply tersely.  
   
Your tone of voice sounded a little bitter than intended, but not like you could be blamed when your most recent memories with nature’s showers were about that one time you almost died by falling off of a ladder back at your home in Stohess, and the time you ran away from base after finally severing every bit of thread you had with someone so eager to brutally carve a V-shaped cut on your neck as if you were the miniature model of a feet long titan.  
   
“The sound of the rain can soothe you, you know.” Ysavelle muttered, the girl catching on to the reason of the frown slowly forming to completion on your face.  
   
“It does.” You muttered. “I just—”  
   
Your words are cut by the sound of a distant bang. And both you and the ravenette beside you had turned to face the general direction of the Scouting Legion base, (e/c) orbs and bluish gray, each set of eyes scanning the expanse of branches and leaves before you.  
   
Branches swung against the brushing of a calming breeze before a streak of green erupted against the stretch of leaves and branches.  
   
“We should rendezvous with the others anyway. Training is almost done.” Ysavelle sighed, and the glinting in your peripheral vision followed by the sound metal scraping against metal told you that your best friend had just sheathed her blades back into her gear.  
   
“Squad Leader mentioned something about a lake.” You said as you examined the minuscule dents on the sharp edges of one of your blades, and you reluctantly gave your current set an okay even though under the pressure of an expedition, you would have wasted no time detaching the blades for you would have deemed them blunt enough to be less efficient when dealing with a titan.  
   
And you knew that about ninety-nine percent of the time, the blades you’ve discarded outside the walls could still be considered in good shape by other superiors. You were quite wasteful if you thought about it, and that’s why you’re making an effort to actually save things as of late.  
   
The walls’ resources were being consumed at a higher rate than it could be replenished, and you guessed on the very likely chance that humanity wouldn’t find its freedom in your lifetime, then the next generations wouldn’t be too happy about living by whatever scrap they could because the earlier generations were a little too wasteful.  
   
“Are you okay (F/n)?”  
   
You blinked for a moment and glanced to the side to see Ysavelle regarding you with worry, and you could only give out a nod. “I have a lot in my mind…” You muttered, and that was the only thing you had to say for the ravenette to understand what’s been troubling you the past two weeks. Of course, you guessed that even if you didn’t tell any of your best friends about the matter that’s been gnawing at you since your return to the Scouting Legion, they would have known anyway.  
   
You weren’t exactly the best at hiding your feelings after all, or at least in front of your best friends you weren’t. Ysavelle, Erian, and Devan just had this talent to see through you like an open book despite the many locks you’ve placed upon yourself. And up till now you’re honestly conflicted about whether or not you liked the idea that three people can see through the vulnerable side of you without much of a fight.  
   
“You wanna stay here for a while then?” Ysavelle’s words cut through the song of rustling leaves, a soft sweep of wind then combing through your locks without tousling your (h/c) strands all over the place.  
   
“Lunch is going to happen soon.” You responded.  
   
“But it’s not like you’ll eat anyway.”  
   
“Well…”  
   
“Just stay here.” Ysavelle flashed you a smile, the type that made your heart swell in comfort, maybe like the times when you were a child and you break a plate, then your mothers reassures you everything’s fine and that she wouldn’t disown you because of something like a slip of the hand—and even more than that because you’re probably more important to the woman than her life anyways.  
   
“I umm…” You began, but it appears your best friend wasn’t going to hear anything of what you had to say because you felt your upper arms being pressed together, and the feeling was the complete opposite of comfortable if you had to say so yourself.  
   
“I’ll be back.”  
   
And that was the last thing you ever heard from the ravenette as she retracted her hands from your form and sped away with considerably good executions of her maneuver gear.  
   
You could have sworn you heard another order slipping past the ravenette’s lips as she rounded a large tree though. Something along the lines of ‘I promise I’ll be back!’ before she disappeared into a thick sea of branches and leaves.  
   
Left on your own, there wasn’t much you could have done now.  
   
You could still try and catch up with Ysavelle, and even if she’s been out of view for a while, you knew how to get back to base even without someone leading you. It’s been a year and more since you’ve been a member of the Scouting Legion after all, despite that four month break you took due to clouded decisions.  
   
Groaning, you slapped a hand to your forehead, the palm of your dominant hand rubbing rough but soothing circles onto the skin beneath it.  
   
Everything that happened four months back has been taboo between you and your best friends. The superiors of the faction were respectful enough to not pry into your business anymore after you told Hanji almost everything that happened the day you finally freed yourself from the chains of your past.  
   
To be honest, even you had to admit you didn’t make the right decision running away back then. Some of the 105th members even passed off your actions as cowardice—to which they had to suffer the wrath of a beige haired friend for it—and you were pretty sure it was in the military rules that abandoning your post while in duty meant treason and could only be repaid with death.  
   
The superiors understood you were a special case though, but you could go to great lengths proving you loyalty to the faction again, even if a public execution was the way to deal with it.  
   
It wasn’t that easy forgetting about your past.  
   
You have been fucking stuck in a basement watching damned children dying for a year. Sometimes when the murderer was up for it, he even stuck the dead body (or bodies…) back in the cage just for being the sick bastard he is. And you had to cower yourself on the very corner, trying to keep your already bloodstained self from getting anymore soaked with the blood of wasted innocence.  
   
Meals back then were scarce if at all, and water was at least available, but you would rather use it to clean both old and fresh streaks of blood off of your arms and legs than actually soothing your thirst.  
   
It has been what? About more than seven years since that day and you still can’t get a full week of decent sleep without dreaming about what happened back then.  
   
You were a coward, and you’re accepting the fact without much of a fight because that really was true after all. But then so was everyone else right? To be honest you were getting all frustrated from that perfect crap facade everyone tries pulling off.  
   
You can miss with a slice technique, slip on the floors during cleaning, fall off of your horse during training, forget about a cleaning task, arrive late for morning training, and even end up tangled and upside down from your 3DMG but that was normal.  
   
You were normal.  
   
Even though you wouldn’t wish it on someone, there were some days where you’ve wanted to turn back the hands of time, drag all those judgmental individuals so that they were the ones stuck in that damned cage instead, and see how they would even cope up with that nightmarish hell for a day.  
   
“One…” You mumbled, a sigh leaving your lips as you leaned back into the rough trunk of the tree you were standing on, the thick branch beneath your feet giving you enough knowledge to know you’re safe from dropping a hundred feet down. “Two… three…”  
   
A cool breeze whipped past again, the rusting of the leaves soothing you enough that you were able to drop your hand from your forehead that was warm from the harsh patterns of circles you kept doing in order to calm yourself.  
   
You’ve been quite different today as Erian commented, and Hanji is convinced it’s the product of stress. Devan was keen on having you stay back in bed just to take a breather but you thought you needed the adrenalin rush from exercise to occupy your mind.  
   
“Four.”  
   
You muttered silently again, a furrow in your brows emerging as you didn’t really use countdowns to calm yourself down. Erian had managed to make you promise to use the counting down method to calm yourself more though, seeing as the auburn haired girl knew your usual method of dealing with anything stressful resulted in overworking yourself to the near point of deadly exhaustion.  
   
There is a sudden thunderclap that removes your attention from the numbers you were spewing out, a worried look passing your (e/c) hues as you tried to see past the layers and layers of twigs and leaves above, the sky still showing that bright blue blanket strewn with hazy orange gradients, a signal that morning will soon give it’s reign over to the afternoon for the day.  
   
It was a little dim though, and as clouds slowly rolled on by, some a little gray in color than the last, it would be a safe assumption on your part to say rain was indeed going to fall sooner than you would have liked.  
   
The way Ysavelle had sternly told you to stay in the forest even thought training has officially ended made you curious though. The ravenette doesn’t make demands that much, or at all from what you recall. It was always Erian or Devan who tried to order you around claiming it was for the benefit of your health.  
   
Not that you minded following orders from your best friends at all, seeing as you weren’t a stranger to your tendency of being stubborn and usually having your health to pay as the price for that.  
   
Contrary to what most of your batch mates thought, you weren’t blind, and most of the time you knew what the consequences of your actions would bring. But with life fleeting away with every second, and the titans still roaming on a world that was rightfully entitled to the human race, you just couldn’t help but spend every moment you have doing everything to at least widen that little ray of hope humanity had of freedom.  
   
Without a doubt, as much as it’s unsatisfying to know, you’re sure humanity wasn’t going to be free in this lifetime.  
   
Who knows, maybe you will get to see a day where the walls are broken down and what greets you are fields and fields of grass stretching into unknown territory. But with a century having passed with bloodcurdling monsters still out on the loose, you’ve learned that being pessimistic may just save you from more disappointment.  
   
You still wished to see the world though; the world not encased in feet long walls constantly reminding you that humanity is teetering on the edge of its extinction.  
   
Bringing your sights back down from the skies above, it takes you a small moment before you realize a body of water a good distance away from you. It looked like a lake of sorts, and you wouldn’t have seen it if not for the breeze that swayed the branches covering the space from view.  
   
And it doesn’t take long until you realize that the scene around you is heart achingly familiar—even the broken branch that swings slightly on the tree in front of you.  
   
Shaky hands clutch at the handgrips, and your palms turn an uncomfortable mix of sweaty and cold in less than a second. A short breath then leaves your lips as you close your eyes and try to collect your thoughts, and then before your mind could even comprehend what was going on, you’ve jumped off of the branch you were standing on and racing towards the direction of the spot where you saw the lake.  
   
Anyone who could have seen you at the moment could describe you in a variety of words in the bracket of insane. And you wouldn’t deny that maybe you did look like one as you charged through perennials like you were being chased by a horde of titans.  
   
At one point a branch had even scratched your cheek and you could feel the blood trickling from the side of your face but you couldn’t really give a damn at the moment as you just kept racing towards that spot concealed with excessive amounts of greenery. Even if the wind does not grace you with another presence and parts the branches again, you had some sort of built-in compass in your heart telling you to keep going through this path you’re sure you’ve gone through once or twice before.  
   
The numbing feeling in your body accelerates as you speed past the trees, the back of your mind already making some half-baked excuse about what to say when Ysavelle berates you for not following her order of you being allowed to roam around but not too far from the spot she left you.  
   
With your clouded mind, it was no surprise then, that when you shot your wires towards a tree trunk, the grappling hooks missed the bark by a good few inches, the act doing at least a little to remove you from the haze of your thoughts as you braced yourself for a harsh fall that left you no time to recover until you’ve crashed to the ground, blades of grass and little rocks and dead twigs sticking to your form with the mud as you rolled for a good few seconds before you stopped.  
   
Sore muscles and minuscule cuts, probably a broken bone or two (considering you did fall from a good distance above) was present as well. And yet even though the pain surges through you in copious amounts, the only thing you mind acknowledges is the scene before you.  
   
The trees have given way to a small clearing. And standing before you was an unmistakable lake stretching a good distance away, the surface rippling from what could be rocks and leaves your fall had caused to drop into the natural basin of water.  
   
Judging from the loss of weight burdening your hips, you’re sure you’ve at least somehow detached your 3DMG properly during your fall. The metal contraption, sure to lie feet away in a pillow of shrubbery, dented, scratched, and possibly even broken too.  
   
Not that your gear was on your list of concerns at the moment as the rays of the early afternoon sun reflected on the body of water, causing what looked like the sparkle effect of diamonds from your mother’s old jewelry case back at Stohess.  
   
Slowly, you had crawled to the edge, the wincing in your features a telltale sign that yes, there may have been a broken rib mixed in with the bruises now blooming from your body, and the miniature scratches and cuts that looked as delicate as layers of the finest lace.  
   
Of course, despite the blatant fact that you might need medical attention and fast, that wasn’t your concern as you reached the edge of the lake, your beaten arms straining and threatening to snap under your weight as you propped yourself up as best as you could and leaned into the edge of the lake where you could see your battered reflection on the clear waters.  
   
And you notice the tears that stream down your face and drip to the surface of the lake, your salty tears creating continuous sets of small ripples as the aching in your heart finally blew up to what felt like your beating device being ripped out of your chest, your heart then being thrown to the ground and stomped on for good measure before it is presented to you again with a soft cushion and crisp red bow.  
   
All too soon you are then pulled back, strong arms holding you against a chest and you’re barely able to recognize the soothing murmurs being whispered into your ear atop your muffled sobs and gasps of breath.  
   
“Shh… it’s okay.” A voice muttered, soft and calming. “Everything’s okay now…”  
   
You feel hands hesitantly turning you around, hands slowly encasing you, one of them rubbing comforting circles against your back, and another gently rubbing your head as if you were a paper doll punctured with one too many holes. The onslaught of words continues even at your new position, and you find yourself clutching the person’s shirt by the waist, your sobs further being muffled as your head is pressed against someone’s chest.  
   
The murmurs by your ear soon fade away, and when they start up again, the words don’t seem to be directed at you anymore.  
   
“…okay?”  
   
“yeah… definitely… continue…?”  
   
“what?... makes sense… no… 3DMG?”  
   
“…but then… alright.”  
   
You were sure people were conversing, but the content of their sentences were lost on you. The snippets you heard didn’t give you any information about the conversation, but at least you’ve confirmed from the hazy set of voices that the people with you right now were your best friends.  
   
They talked for a short while, and when you felt your breathing finally settled to its normal pace, you tried pushing yourself away from the arms still wrapping protectively around you. Except instead of getting free, your actions did the opposite as you felt your encasement tighten a bit more.  
   
It took a few short seconds before you’re reluctantly peeled away from another body, your eyes readjusting to the light, matched with foreign thumbs wiping away at the tears in those (e/c) pools clearing your vision enough for you to be met with worried shades of bluish gray.  
   
“Are you…” There is a small pause as the swipes by your eyes continue. “Are you okay now?”  
   
You try to speak but your voice is scratchy and you end up coughing instead, the act quickly summoning those soothing circles on your back again. “I’m okay…” You manage to say between fits of coughing, your eyes watering again as you realize the hurting in your chest whenever you tried to take deep breaths. “Thank… you.”  
   
After one more cough you try to clear your throat so you could speak better and prepare yourself for the day-long speech your best friends might require you to give. A finger softly landing on your lips effectively relaxed you though, because frankly speaking, you weren’t sure your sore throat could handle hours upon hours of explaining.  
   
“It’s okay. Just don’t talk for now.” Ysavelle muttered with a soft smile before she took her finger away from your lips, a small nod leaving you as the girl stands up. “Dev? You think you can carry her to the trunk over there?”  
   
You flinch when you heard the words leave the ravenette.  
   
Now that you weren’t distracted by the aching in your heart, you could feel a near unbearable aching in almost every inch of your body. And if it hurt too much just sitting here and doing nothing, you couldn’t imagine even being carried. Part of you wanted to intercept your friends’ talking, and your discomfort was apparently clear as day when a presence knelt beside you and a hand had started to ruffle your hair.  
   
“I hope you know as much as I know how it hurts, you just have to suck it up.”  
   
Normally, you might have made a comeback, but at the moment you knew the sooner this was done, the faster the pain would be over so you weakly nodded. Devan looked over to Ysavelle for a moment as if asking if they really should do this, but the ravenette didn’t even have the time to answer as the beige haired boy gave out a sigh, a mumbled apology, and then scooped you up from the ground as cautiously as possible.  
   
The tears prickling the corners of your eyes as you were heaved into the air made your best friend curse under his breath, incoherent mumblings of apology after apology spewing from Devan’s lips as he starts walking towards a nearby tree that stood a possible hundred feet long. The bark from the tree was wide enough for five or six people to sit side by side with, and when you were settled down rather roughly, it took a great amount of will power for you to not shout all the obscenities you knew how to say.  
   
It wasn’t even a second later when you were set down and instructed to lean back on the bark when the rustling of leaves was heard. Your head then snapped quickly to the direction of the sound (a decision you regret making with the amount of pain that shot through at the action), to see a mess of auburn hair appear.  
   
“Got it!” Erian chirped in a voice dipped in worry and fake cheer, the girl carrying a battered set of 3DMG with both hands as she walked over to the spot where you, Ysavelle, and Devan were.  
   
Hazel eyes quickly did a scan of your form, the smile you forced to create met with a frown as Erian set your gear next to you and stood up to give Ysavelle a concerned look.  
   
“Broken rib definitely, scratches and cuts...” Ysavelle mumbled hesitantly, her words trailing off at the end as you feel her eyes mapping every inch of exposed skin you had. “We might have to request for a real professional to check about a concussion though… we can never be too safe.”  
   
“We did bring a first-aid kit didn’t we?” You heard Erian mutter thoughtfully, and only then do you realize the wicker basket in the distance, near the spot where you were earlier before Devan had carried you to this tree you now lean on. “It was so we can tend to our small wounds acquired during training but we can put it to better use now…”  
   
Soon, you see Ysavelle walking over to the direction of the basket, the ravenette quickly carrying the item towards you and setting in near your feet, to which Erian and Ysavelle quickly engage in conversation about sorting through the materials they needed to patch you up to a considerably better state.  
   
During your late night talks with your best friends back at your times as a 105th trainee, you were quick to know about Ysavelle’s aspiration to become a military doctor if she never got the chance to join the ranks of the military as a cadet. But of course, even if the ravenette was a home-bred professional in tending to injuries, you knew she would still have you send to Hanji and a couple medics to be extra sure.  
   
As the two girls busy themselves with talk, Devan kneels in front of you and presses the tip of a knife to your side slightly, the sharp point barely touching your skin but you could guess on wrong move and you’d have to deal with a hole on your side.  
   
“I’m not going to kill you by the way.” Devan murmurs and you force a laugh out.  
   
“I know.” You said with much effort.  
   
“Good.” The boy says under his breath as you bite your lip when you feel the tip graze your skin lightly, the sound of fabric swiftly being ripped and pulled to a side sounding in your ears.  
   
Soon after, you feel a warm hand caressing an area to the right of your body, just below the chest, Devan’s brows furrowing as his hands skittered across a spot marred with black and blue blotches. The hiss that leaves your lips startles the two girls looking through bottles of disinfectant, hazel hues quickly catching sight of the bruise on your side.  
   
“Shit.” Erian said almost suddenly.  
   
“That doesn’t look good…” Ysavelle said under her breath, and it’s at that point that you catch Devan’s brown hues, the boy taking a gulp as he leans in towards you and pushed your head to his shoulder.  
   
“Relax.” He muttered, and that’s when you realize what’s going to happen next won’t go anywhere near that word. “You can bite my shoulder or something, it doesn’t matter. I just need to scope your injury.”  
   
Giving a small nod, you braced yourself for a hefty amount of pain. But when Devan gently pressed his fingers to the bruise on your side, no matter how many amount of preparation you could have done, the pain reached new levels of unimaginable as you clamped your mouth over your best friend’s shoulder—the resulting grunt Devan gave letting you know you might have to apologize to the boy when your mind can bear the pain again.  
   
The pressing on your side on different angles was done as gently as possible, and it didn’t even last half a minute if you actually timed the whole thing. And when you felt Devan’s hands leave your side, it took you a moment before your jaw slackened and detached from your best friend’s possibly bleeding shoulder.  
   
Slowly, Devan pushed you back until you were leaning on the trunk again, and the boy then stood up, took off his military jacket and draped it over your front, seeing as he did rip your clothes and it was more than useless in the act of covering you up from the chilly air that has begun to sweep across the forest.  
   
“There’s a fracture for sure on the bottom right.” Devan muttered silently, catching the attention of Erian and Ysavelle who just finished setting out the items they might use on you. “It’s not too deep, just a few centimeters in, and the bruising was most likely caused by a branch hitting the area harshly.”  
   
Ysavelle gives a nod and Erian just bites her lip before Devan continues his report about your injury.  
   
“(F/n), can you lift your arm?” The boy asked you, and you tried, but the small gasp that forcefully leaves you makes Devan furrow his brows. “Thought so.” He sighed before facing your two other friends whose eyes were still glued to your form. “We might have to make a sling for the right arm. There’s nothing broken there but it might aggravate the injury further if we don’t prevent it from moving.”  
   
Ysavelle then kneels in front of you with Erian in tow, Devan already stepping away and sitting cross-legged a good meter away as he lets his two other best friends mend you.  
   
The patching up is done surprisingly quickly (and painfully), and before you knew it, you’re feeling better with bandages wrapped snuggly on the area below your chest and a makeshift sling of Erian’s military jacket keeping your right arm bent and hanging a comfortable distance above your stomach, but below the rib injury you supposedly have.  
   
Devan’s military jacket is still draped around you though, the sleeves tied to your back, the back part of the jacket covering your front area nicely. You guessed you looked pretty ridiculous, but then if ridiculous meant your best friend’s careful effort and care then ridiculous was something you’d wear everyday.  
   
The tingling feeling of the disinfectant of your skin is uncomfortable but doable, and now all four of you and your best friends are sitting on the edge of the lake silently with only the sounds of nature and subtle splashing going around as you were all dipping the bare part of your legs into the water.  
   
 White trousers were pulled up as high as possible just below your knees, with Devan doing yours up being the gentleman that he is, and you four just sat there silently, munching on pieces of bread lathered with butter and jam.  
   
 It seems that earlier, Ysavelle had set up an unexpected lunch out here in hopes to cheer you up and as a form of bonding since you just recently came back from a four month absence. The ravenette had acquired permission from a certain brunette squad leader just for safe measure as well, but the girl was definitely not expecting to reunite with you sporting a fractured rib.  
   
In any case, the meal was definitely amongst the best you’d had, despite the difficulty of eating with only one hand.  
   
It’s halfway through your second slice of bread when the reason you ended up with such injuries resurfaced again with Erian’s oblivious words.  
   
“What happened anyway?” The auburn haired girl muttered from beside you, on your left, and Devan, who was sitting on Erian’s left side leaned forward a little to peer at you with slight curiosity swimming in his brown orbs. Ysavelle, who then sat on your right side could feel the tensing in your features and set off to rub softly on your lower back.  
   
“I was—” You began, your breath already threatening to hitch.  
   
“It’s Blanche isn’t it?” Ysavelle asked quickly. “You… (F/n), when I saved you back then, you were here with a bundle of flowers…”  
   
“Blanche…?” Erian said reluctantly, her hazel eyes going over your (e/c) colored ones.  
   
“This was her spot…” You forced yourself to mumble almost inaudibly. “She took me here once that time Dev and I fought. I just—I don’t—when I realized this place was near I couldn’t stop myself. We just sat here that day without talking too much. I-I know it’s st—”  
   
“Don’t you dare say it was stupid (F/n).” Erian said in a serious tone. “None of it is. It’s normal to feel this way. Blanche is a wonderful soldier.” The slight cracking of the auburn haired girl’s tone was obvious, and you didn’t need to look at your best friend to know she was crying like you were now.  
   
Letting out a painful smile, you muttered back. “Yeah, Blanche was a wonderful soldier… and friend.”  
   
“Gareth was amazing too.” Ysavelle added.  
   
“Phoebe and Allistair too.” Devan mumbled back.  
   
And the four of you just sat there in silence, your meals already forgotten as your appetites considerably dropped until it was gone. It was Ysavelle who first broke the silence when she stood up from her seat, her eyes looking upwards for a moment before a sigh left her.  
   
“As much as I’d like to stay more… we’d best head back because I don’t think I can handle (F/n) getting a cold too.” Ysavelle said teasingly, causing you to smile awkwardly as you didn’t know if the girl meant that or she was actually joking. “It’s going to rain soon, and if any of us gets a cold I’ll be responsible since I suggested this.” The girl muttered quickly.  
   
“I’d rather thank you though… I guess I needed this—the time with you guys I mean, not the broken rib.” You smiled.  
   
Erian forced a smile out at the mention of your injury as she helped you stand up. “We have to do this again then, but with fewer injuries yeah?”  
   
“You have my word.” You said after a small chuckle.  
   
You and your best friends then spent a small amount of time drying up before you all started wearing your boots again. After you’ve covered your feet, your friends began to strap on their maneuver gear that they took off before going to dip their feet in the lake.  
   
“Okay, so I’ll take (F/n)’s gear.” Erian said when she was fully strapped up.  
   
“I’m taking (F/n).” Devan stated, the boy already standing beside you.  
   
“I’m taking the basket then.” Ysavelle finished, the material already slung around one of her arms as she started getting used to her hold on the handgrips. “As soon as we get to base, Dev’s just going to drop you off at the medics and we have chores to do.” The ravenette said disappointedly, and you just gave her a smile.  
   
“I’ll be fine.” You said. “Priorities first after all.”  
   
“Unlike someone here, our priorities actually include the safety of our best friend.” Erian teased, the girl sticking her tongue out at you before she walked over and squeezed your only free hand. “No but seriously, we’ll be done with it quick and visit you soon after!”  
   
“Okay, mom.” You said, retracting your hand from her hold only to pinch her alabaster colored cheeks.  
   
The prominent sounds of thunder overhead cut the talk short, your feet quickly leaving the ground as Devan picked you up and you automatically encircle your arms around the boy’s neck, preparing for quite a rough and painful ride back to your (second) home. You were sure in the arms of the beige haired boy you would be fine though. He always made sure you were, like that protective older brother you never had.  
   
It was about a few minutes past half an hour when you and your friends landed on the grounds outside the forests, an amused look then spreading across your features when you spotted you and your best friend’s respective horses grazing in the grass with their reins tied skillfully to the thinner trunks of trees.  
   
“It’s so we could get back faster than walking.” Erian said in a cheerful manner, as if sensing your interest on the animals. “Of course, I don’t think you can ride well, can’t you (F/n)?”  
   
You were about to respond when the auburn haired girl tossed the reins of your horse to Devan, the boy quickly catching the leather strap thankfully as he had just set you down on your two feet again. Ysavelle had already mounted her horse, and you were starting to walk over yours when a pair of arms pulled you back gently.  
   
“You’re riding with me.” Erian muttered. “Dev’s not the only person here who can take you places safely y’know. And mm… I haven’t really been spending enough time with you these days…”  
   
A pout had formed on the auburn haired girl’s lips, and you found yourself smiling, your better arm raising up and patting the girl on the head. “Lead the way then.” You said, and with a good amount of effort, you heaved yourself up Erian’s wood colored horse, the owner of the steed herself only hopping on when you’ve steadied yourself well enough.  
   
Hands encircled around your waist to grasp at the leather straps, and with only a quick warning, you and your friends had set off to the general direction of the Scouting Legion’s castle.  
   
Ysavelle and Devan were definitely faster, and you knew Erian could match their pace easily, or even go faster as the girl was always quite the better one of you four with maneuvering the horses, but trust Erian to always have your comfort in mind first. So here you two were riding at a good few meters back from mops of ravenette and beige.  
   
Occasionally, Ysavelle or Devan would look back to check on their two best friends behind, but Erian would shout that they don’t need to slow down.  
   
The clouds above have begun to cast a shadow over the land, but you could already see the outline of gray walls by then. After all, between getting soaked and further aggravating your injury, you’d rather be concerned of the latter.  
   
“You okay?” You barely hear Erian’s words as the wind whips by.  
   
“Never better.” You respond, half lying and half not since yes, you may have a fractured rib that’s hurting in all the right places, but spending time with your best friends was something you didn’t know you needed desperately.  
   
“Ysa was actually thinking of the lunch thing so you would calm down.”  
   
“Calm down?” You asked.  
   
“Yeah.” Erian muttered, a pause in her sentence as she flicks her reins. “You know… the confession thing. We know you’re stressed by it.”  
   
You bite your bottom lip and steady your hands in front of you, the palms of you (s/c) hand pressing lightly on the bottom of the horse’s neck as you could feel the speed picking up just a bit.  
   
“It’s him isn’t it?” The auburn haired girl asked reluctantly, causing you to scrunch up your eyebrows in confusion. “You know who I’m talking about, I’m sure.” Erian chuckled slightly, and the tensing in your muscles was probably enough of an answer for your best friend.  
   
“Well I—”  
   
“What’s holding you back?” Erian cut your sentence quickly, probably because you two were nearing the castle and that meant the next time she’d get to talk to you would be hours later—or days if the medics say so. And the auburn doesn’t let you say anything as she answers her own question. “You really have to stop thinking that everyone’s going to hate you on every single decision you make. If you like him, then go for it.”  
   
“It’s not easy…” You murmured.  
   
“I know.” Erian sighed. “We know that, and we don’t expect you to change overnight. We’ll never do that.”  
   
“I just—look, I have admired all of them a—”  
   
“And they won’t ignore you if you say you don’t like them that way.” Erian finished your sentence with her own thoughts. “If they do, which I’m sure they won’t, then I’ll make them understand. Your past has really messed you up but it’s not too late to fix what the bastard did okay?”  
   
Defeated, and knowing Erian wasn’t going to accept no for an answer, you just nodded your head and tried to ignore the pain shooting up from your right side.  
   
“You deserve to be happy and you don’t need to always to base your decisions because of other people. They’ll understand.”  
   
You didn’t know if you needed to give an answer to that, but it seems you didn’t need to as Erian pulled the horse to a stop right in front of the stables, your three friends trying to get you down safely before you excused yourself and went towards the medical wing of the faction alone. As usual, at least one of your friends protested wanting to come up with you but you said they’ve done enough.  
   
A little part of you also needed some time to think things over. Things, meaning that general confession from a specific set of superiors that Erian unfortunately reminded you off.  
   
You’ve been holding off on the answer for two weeks now, and as you took step after step in the staircase to your destination, you’ve come up with the conclusion that you were being unfair towards the lot who built up the courage to confess to you.  
   
You weren’t exactly blind to their feelings before, but you passed those small advances as a friendly thing because to be honest, you’ve never even had someone like you in a special way that didn’t fit the bracket of friends or family. Sure, maybe when you were still young and thought of fairy tale romances from your bedtime stories, maybe you did think about wanting someone loving you.  
   
It’s just that you didn’t expect seven people coming at you all at once. And to top it off, you managed to snag the best members of the faction too, no less.  
   
“What the fuck (F/n).” You muttered to yourself with an irate sigh, and when you’ve come to, your feet have stilled before an all too familiar door that made your stomach churn at the strong smell of medicine and blood.  
   
Injuries during training were not rare after all…  
   
Opening the door quickly, some people cast you a glance, silence erupting from all four corners of the medical room before a woman with cherry blond hair had come over to you and pulled away Devan’s jacket from your neck as gently but as swiftly as possible.  
   
The woman then takes a sharp breath at the sight of your ripped clothes and bandages before quickly directing you to a bed. The hurried mumblings of something like “call Squad Leader Hanji Zoe” letting you know you were thoroughly fucked and will probably have to spend an eternity trying to get your training rights back before the next expedition five and a half months later would occur.  
   
An hour later, you were patched up with your blood swimming with painkillers. You also now had a proper sling holding your right arm up, a new shirt instead of the one Devan ripped, and there were three military jackets from you and your two best friends folded neatly near your lap.  
   
A sentence to house arrest loomed over your head, and a brunette squad leader barely concealing her frustration was talking to the medic who had to reapply the bandage to your injured rib just to scope the damage like Devan did (she was a little rougher but nothing you couldn’t handle).  
   
It was after another ten minutes or so when you were freed from the smell of pills and syringes, Hanji instructing you to head on over to your room and sleep until dinner where she’ll come visit you and have a proper talk over dinner about what the fuck you’ve gotten yourself into this time. It appears there was an urgent meeting she had to go to and you could only nod so as not to aggravate your superior more.  
   
“I’ll see you later. Stay safe.” Hanji said as she closed the door to the medical room.  
   
“Yes, sir.” You mumbled quickly, before you turned around and headed towards your room.  
   
It wasn’t until you turned the corner that you heard Hanji’s footsteps across the halls, the woman probably waiting until you were out of view before she turned around and headed to that meeting she needed to be in.  
   
And you were probably going to get in trouble for this later, but before you knew it you were in the Scouting Legion’s library about five or so halls away from your room. You don’t actually know what you were going to do here, but the shelves upon shelves of books somehow soothed you.  
   
As quiet as you could, you walked over to a set of shelves and peered at the titles, nothing actually catching your interest at the moment.  
   
“I’ll see you later.” A voice is heard from the hallways, footsteps accompanying the words. “I need to look at something first.”  
   
“Alright, see you Armin.” Another voice replies.  
   
At the mention of the name you were sure your feet froze alongside your heart. You thought about running away or hiding but the door is being opened before you’re able to move and you’re met with the back of a blond boy muttering some sort of goodbye to his companions, who were probably Mikasa and Eren.  
   
The door is closed but his back is still turned to you, blue eyes most likely surveying a small stack of papers. And remembering Erian’s words from earlier you figured you’ll be damned if you let this chance slip by so you clear your throat loudly.  
   
The guttural sound you made effectively made the blond turn around, cerulean hues then widening a bit though you were sure the shock came more from seeing you with a sling and your head handaged rather than just seeing you again properly for the first time in days.  
   
“(F/n)?” Armin asked carefully, your subsequent nod giving him the go signal that you were going to stand ground and not run away this time. “What… what happened?”  
   
“My hooks missed the target.” You said.  
   
“How?” Armin took a step nearer, papers clutched in hand until he was standing at arm’s length from you.  
   
“I… I wasn’t paying attention.” You muttered. “I remembered some part in the forest Blanche...”  
   
“Cadet Eloise?” Armin asked, and then shook his head when he saw you visibly tense up. “No, it’s okay, don’t answer that. Aren’t you supposed to be resting? Those don’t look good at all.” The quick change in subject caused you to relax a little.  
   
“I honestly don’t know why I’m here.” You admitted, a small tinge appearing in your cheeks as you realize how stupid that must have sounded. “I mean… I don’t know, I just felt like going here.”  
   
“That’s okay.” Armin replied, and then the boy turned around. “I… I guess I should go. I still need to pass some papers around. See you (F/—”  
   
“Wait!” You winced at the loud volume of your voice, and your nerves skyrocketed when you realized what you just did.  
   
It’s best to just get things over with you thought, like the pain from your injuries. Just relax and go on with it then you’re free.  
   
“Is something wrong?” Cerulean orbs flitted towards your (e/c) pools, and you took a gulp before taking a step back.  
   
“I umm… I…” You began, Armin quickly caught onto what you were planning to do as he waved his hands back and forth and forced a smile out to dismiss the matter. Thinking you still needed to do this, you closed your eyes and quickly blurted out the words weighing you for days now. “I like you, sir! I umm… I fuck. No—ahh, I’m so sorry I suck at this. B-but I do like y—”  
   
You halted by the feeling of a smooth texture over your lips, your eyes opening widely to see the small stack of paper in Armin’s hands softly pressing on the part of your face starting from the tip of your nose.  
   
What happens next is unexpected with Armin leaning down, his lips pressing softly against yours with the five or so paper barrier. And when the boy retracts himself and you feel the pressure on your lips decreasing considerably, you two had the same amount of red hue in your cheeks, your mouth opening and closing in shock, causing Armin to let out an involuntary chuckle to reduce the awkward tension in the air.  
   
“I like you too (F/n).” Armin muttered, and you feel your eyes moistening as it feels like a terrible load has been lifted from you and shattered to pieces as it hits the ground.  
   
Worried, Armin sets the papers in his hands down on a tabletop and pulls you into a gentle hug, careful not to press on your right arm that rested on the sling.  
   
“Is this a rejection or…?” Armin trailed off.  
   
“No…” You mumbled. “I umm… I just confessed, it’s not like I can change my mind a few seconds later.” You joked around, Armin’s resulting chuckle making you relax into his arms.  
   
“Right.” Your superior muttered, and you both stayed that way, with Armin gently encasing your body in a warm but protective hug, and you just clutching the cloth on his back with the hand on your only free arm.  
   
It’s about five minutes later when you two part, your faces a mirror of unspeakable happiness from the other, Armin’s right hand quickly finding refuge in your free left one. The boy’s other hand that wasn’t busy intertwining fingers with yours then quickly picks up the papers he left on a nearby table, silence, except from the sounds of breathing and occasional sounds of people doing their chores, filling the air.  
   
“We should get you to bed.” Armin said, and you nod silently, the two of you then going out of the library and into the thankfully empty halls.  
   
As much as you would love to get the explanations over with your best friends, and a specific set of superiors minus one, you really figured it could wait just maybe until after dinner and your interrogation session with a certain brunette squad leader was over.  
   
And as you both walk, hand in hand, with you gently swinging your arms back and forth unconsciously, you thought that despite the threat of the titans, your house arrest, and the slews of explanations you have to give to everyone later, nothing mattered but the fact that you and Armin were holding hands and finally together.  
   
When you reach your room, Armin accompanies you inside and helps you settle in the bed.  
   
Sleeping with a sling on was definitely not something you would wish on anyone, but the half a dozen pills you had to consume was working its side effect of drowsiness so sleep was coming along quite sooner than you would have liked.  
   
You wanted to spend more time with your… lover? (You figured the term might need a lot of getting used to) But your eyes were closing shut even though you try to will them open.  
   
Armin, who has just finished covering you up until the chest area with your flimsy blanket had sat on a side of your bed and held your free hand for comfort, the boy knowing you were probably still fighting to stay up just so you two could talk more.  
   
“We’ll talk more soon.” The boy reassures, giving you all the confirmation you needed to give in to the hands of sleep quickly pulling you down into a land of dreams.  
   
You could barely comprehend anything as you finally drifted off into sleep with a jumble of words meant as a ‘good night’, Armin’s smile being the last thing you saw before darkness consumed your vision with heavy eyelids.  
   
And Armin gently stands up, a stack of papers still needing to be passed around making the boy reluctantly prepare to leave your room. One look at your peaceful facade allows a smile to appear in the blond’s face though, and he uses a hand to brush off locks of (h/c) before leaning down to give you a soft peck on the forehead.  
   
“See you at dinner, (F/n).” Armin’s voice rings in the room before his footfalls fade to none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this update came a bit later than I expected, as usual, I hope you all enjoy this! /)////(\\)


	43. The End Resolutions (Various)

Beyond The Walls | Ending: Various x Reader (Neutral Ending)

 

A knock on the door was what shook you out of bed from another sleepless night, knife already encased in your dominant hand, unsheathed, and with the blade glinting as sunlight poured out from the window in your room that you just hastily opened for better lighting before rushing to the door just as you heard the hinges creaking to signal that the wooden board was being opened.  
   
You didn’t know what happened afterwards, just your eyes meeting blurred hues of brown seconds later, the clatter of metal against the stone floors ringing repeatedly in your ears until the momentum from the weapon reached a standstill. You turned your head to the side, eyeing the object on the ground that had a few stains of red leading to its edges, and you opted to try and break free except there wasn’t much to do with that painful throbbing in your head matched with a weigh just ready to crush the solidity of your shoulders.  
   
“Ahh, fuck.” You heard a voice say from above you, followed by a sigh.  
   
Without nothing left to do, you clenched and unclenched your fingers, a plan for escape formulating in your mind at the hazy world surrounding you when you felt a warmth by your cheeks, the weight on your shoulders replaced with familiar hands holding the sides of your face as if both in an effort to be gentle but also rigid.  
   
“(F/n). It’s not a dream. You’re safe now.” The voice spoke up, and you blinked for a moment or so, the moist layer of unshed tears in your eyes paving way to clearer shades of wooden brown, your best friend’s face eyeing you with slight frustration and possible anger.  
   
You opened your mouth for a moment, but no words went out so you closed your lips and took a calming breath before trying your shot at making simple conversation again.  
   
“Devan…?” You muttered, and you heard another sigh.  
   
“Yeah, I’m here.”  
   
As soon as those words were spoken, your face scrunched up a little like a child whose been kept in the house after a storm and opened the windows soon after to have their eyes murdered from the harsh glare of the after-rain sun. Devan was wiping your tears away with his thumbs on either side of your eyes, and you could only conceal those (e/c) hues behind the eyelids as you felt gentle swipes over your hidden colored pools.  
   
When you heard another sigh coming out from above you, you figured the boy was satisfied with his task and you were pulled up to a sitting position, only to have your face pressed flush against your best friend’s shoulder, one of Devan’s hands then started to rub gentle circles at the tense muscles by your back, while another hand settled for mussing up your already disheveled (h/c), (h/c) mop of hair.  
   
You winced for a minuscule second when the boy brushed his palm against a bump in your head, and the next you could hear was a cuss word to break the silence followed by an apology.  
   
“It’s okay.” You said after a while, your hands finding purchase at gripping the coarse military jacket the boy was wearing as you let your head settle onto the crook of your best friend’s neck, your forehead pressed against Devan’s shoulder as you let your eyes travel a little ways down to see that deep navy blue and white patterns forming the insignia of humanity’s hope for freedom.  
   
A breeze blew by through the opened window of your room, and you shivered a little before you subtly shook your head and pushed yourself away from the beige haired boy that was looking at a shoulder of yours.  
   
“Bleeding.” Devan muttered as if saying a curse word, and he looked like he was searching for something in his pockets before he pulled out a white strip of adhesive that served as an effective band-aid.  
   
You raised an eyebrow worriedly, before you realized that there was a painful feeling by your shoulder where the brown eyed boy was looking at earlier.  
   
“I didn’t handle it good enough.” You heard Devan mutter as you felt him kneel beside you as opposed to in front of you, and then the shuffling of fabric was heard as your best friend rolled your left-sleeve up until your shoulders. The sight of the boy’s eyes washing over with small irritation had registered in your mind before your (e/c) hues decided to look down to the spot that was causing the scowl in your best friend’s face.  
   
There was a sizeable cut by your shoulders, one that didn’t seem deep, but there were still miniature droplets seeping through a hard-to-see line marring your (s/c) skin.  
   
“It’s not that deep, it’s okay.” You voiced out, and Devan looked up to meet your eyes for a moment before he fiddled with the edges of that small white bandage you saw earlier.  
   
“I deflected the blade a little wrongly.” You heard the boy mutter.  
   
“I charged at you though.” You responded back, and then you settled for watching your best friend peel off a thin strip of some see-through film away from the white bandage before you felt the gently covering on your wound. “Sorry…” You said after a while, your hand rolling down your sleeve as Devan stood up and brushed his hands against his thighs before pocketing that other see-through film for later disposal.  
   
“How much sleep did you get?”  
   
You eyed your best friend for a moment, his obvious evading of all your apologies a blatant clarity. Though you understood the gesture was more out of worry than for any emotion for the sole purpose of being a jerk and ignoring you just because he wanted to irritate you.  
   
Devan reached out a hand for you, one that you took with both hands before being pulled to a standing position, your hands then letting go of your best friend’s wrist as you proceeded to make your wrinkled clothes a little more presentable.  
   
“I got a good six.” You muttered afterwards, your eyes flitting towards the abandoned blade onto the floor. “Broken, of course…”  
   
Devan stared at you for a moment, his arms crossed as he held your gaze with such intensity that it felt somewhat invasive. And not liking the piercing look in those brown eyes then, you couldn’t help but direct your sights to somewhere else, the additional action of you biting on your bottom lip causing your best friend to sigh.  
   
“Six.” Devan stated in monotone, his eyes then looking over to the weapon of yours lying silently on the floor and catching light from the sun that was pouring out your bedroom’s window.  
   
“Y—”  
   
“I wasn’t asking for bullshit.”  
   
You stopped midsentence when Devan cut you off with a tone that only meant he could kill you if he wanted to (you knew he wouldn’t though). Your sights then glued themselves to the cold floors beneath your bare feet, the biting on your bottom lip became harsher than before as you didn’t really want to do anything right now but be alone.  
   
“One and a half…” You said under your breath, the sting on your bottom lip that came when you spoke, a testament to how hard you’ve been biting the flushed flesh before.  
   
“What?”  
   
“One… and a half.” You repeated louder, eyes already glazing from tears of days upon days of frustration and loss of what to do.  
   
“Broken or straight?”  
   
It took you a while to answer, a deep breath leaving you as you knew you had to tell the truth because either way, Devan would know if you tried to lie. “Broken.” You quickly uttered. “B-but look. It’s not important… just give me time and I’ll be sleeping in no ti—”  
   
Suddenly, your face was lifted up by the chin, your (e/c) eyes then staring straight into Devan’s brown hues. You heard a sigh before the boy had checked on his off-white, long-sleeved button up’s left sleeve, your best friend then using the sleeve to wipe your eyes for a moment, the cloth effectively picking up the tears you were threatening to drop, before he dropped his arm and left you there.  
   
Footsteps echoed about as Devan walked over to your discarded weapon and picked it up before walking over to your bed and tossing the metal object at your empty second drawer of your nightstand. And from this distance you could see the irritation building up in your friend.  
   
“There’s blood on it…” You murmured to try and make conversation..  
   
“I’ll clean it later.”  
   
“That’s not…”  
   
“It’s almost lunch time.” Devan cut your sentence off as he closed your drawer shut. “Training will resume an hour after lunch, and Ysavelle and Erian was getting worried so I volunteered to check on you, I was planning to visit you anyway.”  
   
“Didn’t expect a knife to lunge at you though…” You muttered bitterly, the thought of harming anyone out of some stupid lapse in consciousness just making your stomach churn. “Look—I’m sorry, I’m not feeling so well. I think I’ll just sleep things off again.”  
   
“And stab the next person who comes to get you?”  
   
“Dev…” You groaned and crossed your arms as you glared at the boy who was still standing by the nightstand just a few steps away from you, though he was facing you this time, that subtle smirk on the boy’s features making you bite your bottom lip as you contemplated a sorry attempt for a roundhouse kick in which your foot would land perfectly fit onto your best friend’s face.  
   
“Just each lunch already. They’re not there if that’s what’s holding you back. The superiors, save for a few supervising training or doing paperwork, are checking the conditions and setting up ‘titans’ in the forest for next week’s 3DMG training.”  
   
“It’s not about them.” You said too quickly that you subtly scowled, the expression in your face staying a little longer at the realization that you sounded a little too offended even if you shouldn’t have been.  
   
Or should you be?  
   
“I get that you need to sleep, but you need to eat too.” Devan reasoned out.  
   
Oddly though, you felt like you were being attacked despite the blatant fact that Devan wasn’t doing anything to you but breathing the same air you did. Things just were a mess these days, and with nothing to do but to sleep and eat—thanks to a certain brunette woman’s successful appeal to the commander to keep you from training for a week—since your return to the comfort of the Scouting Legion, you could say you were becoming toxic these days.  
   
Toxic, in the sense, that you were getting agitated over the simplest of things.  
   
You weren’t one for just staying behind and doing nothing after all. And you could remember very clearly all the days you were temporarily booted out of training to nurse your injuries the past year, the irate dips of your demeanor caused by such relief from training, and the itching need to burst through the window of your room with your maneuver gear in top condition was getting too much to ignore.  
   
Just like… that time with Blanche.  
   
Your scowl deepened more if possible when you remembered the caramel haired girl. Blanche… you didn’t know, you missed her too much for words. The girl was more deserving of first place that you ever were, and you found yourself wanting to laugh a little as you were still going on and on about how deserving or not you were for a titling event that happened a year or more ago.  
   
Time was passing by before you could thread your fingers through it to keep it in place.  
   
“What was it about?”  
   
You blinked for a moment when you realized you had been going off into your thoughts again, and should Devan not have spoken, then you might as well have stayed thinking about depressing things for hours on end—or days possibly.  
   
Bringing your sights up, you captured Devan’s serious brown orbs into your confused (e/c) hues. The boy then gave a drawn out sigh before he walked over to you in less than four steps. Facing each other, you continued to stare at your friend before said friend brought up his hand to your face and the next thing were able to feel had you clutching your forehead and glaring at the boy through the spaces of your combined wrists.  
   
“Wh—”  
   
“Stop being distracted.” You saw the boy smirk, and the fact that his hand was still held up in the air was proof enough that he flicked you in the forehead.  
   
And it would have been fine actually, except Devan’s forehead flicks were probably strong enough to make walls crumble by the sheer force they held (in a metaphorical means of course, but crumbling walls or not, you weren’t lying when you say your skull feels like it’s torturously splitting in two in the most leisurely manner possible). Also, It was always Erian on the receiving end of these dreadful flicks, and you and Ysavelle had experienced it at least enough to know that you wouldn’t want to ever be subjected to them ever again.  
   
“I asked you a question by the way.” The boy stated as if he did not just cause the reason why you were holding your forehead with both hands and looking hurt enough for your eyes to moisten with that slight layer of soon-to-be tears.  
   
“I know.” You spat back, your left hand’s palm rubbing rough circles onto your forehead before you crossed your arms again and glared at the boy with all the intent to turn him into a puddle with the intensity of your stare.  
   
“So, what is it about then? What kind of dream had you thinking I was going to murder you in your sleep?”  
   
You mentally rolled your eyes at your best friend’s statement, and judging from the small amusement that had shown itself on the impassivity of Devan’s features, you guessed accurately enough that the boy knew the mental thing you were doing with your (e/c) pools.  
   
You were thinking of a couple hundred protests to his words about you thinking about he was going to murder you in your sleep at the moment. For one, the act of murder never crossed your mind when you launched at the door with the knife earlier, but now that you thought about it, the beige haired boy may have been right with his accusations after all.  
   
But for what it’s worth, deciding that you didn’t really want to deal with Devan’s naturally irritating smartass presence early in the morning, you figured indulging the male on what he wanted to hear was the best way to deal with the situation.  
   
“It’s just the same old things.” You muttered, and you gave a distressed sigh when the boy looked at you with his brown orbs demanding for details. “I dreamed that we were in Shiganshina, oddly I never knew what that side of the walls looked like, but in the dream I was quite sure it was. The walls weren’t breached yet, and people were quite happy. Oh, and we were children too.”  
   
You paused for a while and tried to remember whatever you dreamed about.  
   
You could faintly remember playing in some kind of flower field, and a shadow being cast over. But after that, the next thing you could remember was your knife about to lodge itself onto the throat of your best friend before you were kneed in the stomach and the knife you once held in your hand was clattering to the floor.  
   
“We were playing in a flower field, and then it got dark all of a sudden.” You eyed Devan who looked at you without any other expression aside from the usual monotone. “I feel like the dream was longer, no… I know it was longer, but that’s all I remember and the next thing I knew, I was pinned to the ground and my stomach felt like there was a hole in it.”  
   
“We should probably have that checked then…” Devan muttered, gesturing to the pasted white strip by your face. And though that didn’t seem like much to anyone at all, you could accurately translate the words from your best friend’s mouth as his best attempt at saying ‘sorry’.  
   
You shrugged in response with a subtle smile. “That’s all I can tell you though, but I figured…” Devan was silent as he saw you pause and clench your fists tightly. “I’m sure he appeared in the dream.”  
   
“Well if it wasn’t obvious.” Devan said under his breath, and then you felt a warm hand on the top of your head. Cue the resume of making your bedhead (h/c)s a damned jungle. “Quite fortunately, humans don’t remember much of their dreams when they wake up.”  
   
You raised an eyebrow at the boy, and you were only given a sigh.  
   
“You only remember most of your dreams because they’ve been repeating themselves for more than five years. And that’s about it, enough. We’ve already missed the first ten minutes of lunch I think.”  
   
As soon as Devan said those words, you were dragged quite willingly out of the room and down to a flight of steps. Each click of your best friend’s boot soles against the stone, and the soft thuds of your bare feet creating a rhythm that did well to soothe you until anxiety decided to creep its way onto your consciousness when you reached the ground floor of the castle and was now walking behind Devan to the end destination that was the dining area of the faction.  
   
True to his word, when you were greeted with the sight of the lively room, Devan was completely right when he assured you there would be no specific set of superiors inside—well, aside from lone ones or twos having light chatter while eating, but not that they were anything to worry about because those superiors were not part of the “specific set” you were so keen on avoiding these days.  
   
At least that’s what Erian has been telling you these days.  
   
To be honest, you didn’t really think you were avoiding anyone. In fact, you’ve tried and tried again to meet up with a certain group of superiors but then your legs would just buckle up at the sound of their voices, and before you knew it, your resolve would be an immediate nothing, and you’d be back in your room or inside the nearest supply closet or storage room with your face peppered with a shade of crimson and your hands cold, wringing themselves together enough to probably break the fragile digits.  
   
It wasn’t your fault, you would reason out.  
   
Truthfully so, it wasn’t exactly your fault that for your many years of existing, you’ve never gotten a… what did they say it was? A confession (Ysavelle)? Love declaration (Squad Leader Hanji)? The foreshadowing of a marriage proposal (Erian)? Not my problem (Devan)?—and for a moment cue the furrowing of your eyebrows as you stared at the beige haired boy who was steering your through table and into the kitchen.  
   
It wouldn’t hurt to be concerned just a little bit right? You thought yeah, Devan wasn’t exactly your to-go person for confidential issues. But he was your best friend and overprotective mother brother figure too. You knew he cared, but that was because you’ve known the guy for a long time. Then again, you figured the boy could just stay as he was because Erian was quite the overprotective handful, and Ysavelle had those little sparks of I’m-going-to-decapitate-and-dismantle-the-fuck-out-of-anyone-who-hurts-(F/n) moments.  
   
Yeah, Devan can stay like the ignorant bastard smartass he is.  
   
He should.  
   
Otherwise you wouldn’t know how to handle three people who may very well just strap you to your bed to keep you safe from being the apparent magnet of all life’s crap that you are. And sometimes you’d think about what Erian says when she tries to make you feel a bit better about all the things you’ve unfortunately gone through.  
   
_‘Somewhere out there in the walls, or even outside if possible, someone has it worse than you. Probably. I mean yeah, sure, you got to see almost a hundred children die and then get sent to an insane asylum and had a lunatic chasing after you or something, but you’re in the Scouting Legion now!  Where your comrades are here for you… well umm… well, our comrades… who don’t die in an expedi—y’know what, never mind, you’re safe now. Ahh fu—I’m sorry, I’m making you feel worse aren’t I?’_  
   
And at the thought of Erian’s sentence which does the opposite of the intended purpose, you still find yourself smiling a little because even though the hazel eyed girl was not the best in upping your mood so much as dousing it, you knew the girl had good intentions.  
   
“Are you just going to stand there or…?”  
   
You snapped out of your thoughts in an instant, the gears of your mind finally working fast enough to register a sea of polished wood standing as high as a meter, give or take a few more inches, from the stone flooring of the mess hall, two pairs of eyes, one set colored a bright hazel, and the other pair composed of bluish gray, and of course, each set of orbs were peppered with flecks of full-blown worry that made you tear your sights away from them to look at Devan who was standing beside you.  
   
“I was thinking about a lot of things.” You responded almost too quickly, and you could feel the tension from two girls lessen as Devan only gave you a ruffle on the head and a sigh.  
   
“Of course.” The beige haired boy stated, and while under normal circumstances he would be using that all too prominent sarcastic tones of his, right now Devan sounded sincere. And cue the furrowing of eyebrows from you because out of the many years you’ve been with the guy, you knew ‘Devan’ and ‘sincere’ are as close as the opposite ends of a million page book.  
   
“So…” You began.  
   
“I’ll go get our food then.” Devan replied, and before anything else could be said, the beige haired boy had turned around and started the minute trip going to the kitchen to retrieve what could be your first proper meal in the mess hall after your return to the faction of your enlistment.  
   
You were about to follow your best friend though, as for the past few weeks, due to a “particular circumstance” that happened the night you were reunited with your military family, your best friends had decided, after a full day of observing you after the event, that they would just come up with a schedule to just bring you your meals in your bedroom because that seemed less straining on your part (and theirs) rather than you four walking calmly to the mess hall then being crammed into a supply closet a moment later when you hear voices that you thought belonged to a specific set of male cadets.  
   
As for the corporal, well, you were just thankful for once that the higher ups of the faction had excessive amounts of paperwork to accomplish, more so because the next expedition in quite some months later was intended to be another large scale annihilation of aberrant titans that were fortunately lessened in number from the 64th expedition.  
   
Of course the Scouting Legion lost quite the admirable lot of soldiers from the last escapade outside the walls as well, so you figured paperwork this time around was doubling up because Commander Erwin deliberately wants preparations to lead to as less a number of deaths as any of the previous expeditions acted on before.  
   
And you decided that, that was enough talk of the titan territory as your negativity apparently knew no bounds and it was only going to be harder for you once you start remembering faces and conversations that saw no hope of being replicated because the other party was rendered departed the moment a titans jaws had snapped to a sickening close.  
   
“Sit down (F/n).” You heard a voice behind you, stopping you midway from taking a step further from the task of going to the kitchen.  
   
Turning around, you were met with Ysavelle’s hand patting towards a seat next to her. A mixture of blue and gray tones then captured your orbs of (e/c) before you started to bite your bottom lip and jabbed a thumb over your shoulder, the appendage pointing to the general direction of the kitchen connected via double wooden doors to the mess hall.  
   
“I need to help.” You muttered.  
   
“It’s okay (F/n). Just take a seat. Dev already said he’d take both of your meals.” Erian quipped, and she stood up from her spot across Ysavelle to walk over to you and usher you into the vacant seat beside your ravenette best friend.  
   
“I have to—” You stopped midsentence, a hiss leaving your lips as Erian pushed you down into the seat forcefully with a solid grip on your shoulders.  
   
“I know what you’re going to say.” The auburn haired girl did not relent her hold on you as she spoke, probably just making sure since knowing your personality, there was a good chance you’d stand back up again if she let you go. “For the record, we wouldn’t have been bringing you your meals if we didn’t want to, so just sit still and relax like you should have been doing two weeks ago.”  
   
Your face scrunched up in the faintest of annoyances as you trained your (e/c) pools towards the polished surface of the wooden table before you.  
   
Lively chatter and the scraping of spoons against bowls strung a melody of sounds through your ears. And those snippets of conversation—which you could tell from the sentences accompanied with groans—were predominantly filled with complaints from the earlier hand-to-hand combat training, to which you resisted to roll your eyes at no one in particular because training for survival was better than spending day after day in a stuffy bedroom under a brunette squad leader’s orders to rest up your perfectly ‘okay’ self.  
   
Though honestly, you thought maybe you should be thanking Squad Leader Hanji because at least she made it easier for you to have a reason to hole yourself up in your room and think about how exactly you can get around with answering the confessions of people you’ve dubbed heroes in your childhood.  
   
To which, if there was anything you thought of during all the time you had to yourself, you had to begrudgingly admit that all these sleepless nights led to an answer as satisfying as a blank slate of paper with blotches of ink strewn across the surface to mirror a writer’s loss of words.  
   
It wasn’t that you did not welcome the notion of romance. Even you had to admit individuals needed another half. But that was it actually.  
   
People needed another half in their lives to make living every day in this messed up world at least doable to an extent. But what happened with you was life probably deciding it hasn’t gotten its fill on messing up with you because it gave you seven other halves instead of the usual one half it should have given you.  
   
Heck, you didn’t even think you would get anyone, seeing as you always thought (and knew for that matter) that you were everything that wasn’t included in the criterion for an ideal love interest. Yet here you are, fate probably getting a kick out of watching you trying to squeeze into stuffy closets and tossing around in bed because of a never ending barrage of formulated confrontations that your pessimistic state of mind always found the worst endings for.  
   
It wasn’t that hard to reject someone. Or at least it wasn’t supposed to be that hard.  
   
But the problem was part of you didn’t want to reject anyone. And yet you didn’t really know how you can bring yourself to choose one as well because to be honest here, you’re scared about the change.  
   
You were no expert on the realm of romantic relationships. But you knew that when people say it’s okay for you to reject them and things would be able to go back to the way they were before, then you would have to admit that’s one of the biggest pieces of crap you’ve ever heard because nothing goes back to normal at all.  
   
Even if it’s just a little bit, something would change. Sure, you were a novice on the topic of love, which means your assumptions might be false and things will go back to normal. But you wouldn’t want to take your chances anyhow because like Erian had mentioned before, you’re more than a little too scared to lose what little relationships you’ve taken great lengths to maintain in a world where you just aren’t sure if tomorrow you’ll be able to still see the sunrise.  
   
The clatter of utensils broke into the silence your mind offered you, and you were able to focus your sights enough to be able to see a hand retracting from the edge of a pale colored tray, smoke billowing from the top of a wooden bowl as ripples formed from the soup it contained from the quick descend.  
   
“I expect you to finish that by the way.” Devan said as he took the seat across from you, the beige haired boy quickly falling into conversation with your other two friends about training you really wished you could participate in, if not for Hanji’s house rules and the fact that training meant you had to confront people about a certain situation you still weren’t prepared to face at all.  
   
You glanced down at your tray, furrowing your brows when you saw that the soup appeared to be more than the usual amount one could get, with the liquid nearly spilling out of the bowl if you stirred without being slow and careful about it.  
   
“Devan.” You said with a sigh, your orbs of (e/c) not going away from the tray of food before you.  
   
“You’re not leaving until you finish that.” Came your response, and you looked at your best friends incredulously, knowing the three have equal fault as to why the food in your plate became like this.  
   
“There’s a lot.” You muttered.  
   
“Then you should start now.”  
   
And that was the last of the conversation you had, with you knowing that should you speak you’re either going to be ignored, or have another good scolding about the benefits of trying to take care of yourself for once courtesy of Erian and Ysavelle. So without much of a fight you started scooping up soup and reducing the contents of the bowl as you ate.  
   
A few scoops into chunks of vegetables and warm soup though, the mess hall doors were suddenly opened with such force you could feel the ground vibrate as the double wooden doors smacked to the stone walls harshly. Tensing up involuntarily from the shock, Erian was already assuming a protective stance near you, a fork held tightly on the auburn haired girl’s hand as if the utensil was a sharp edged blade.  
   
But with one look at the person standing on the widened doorway though, all signs of possible danger are lost when dozens of multicolored sets of eyes landed on a brunette superior hunched back and breathing like an expedition outside the walls had just ended seconds prior.  
   
“Squad Leader Hanji…?” A member of the 105th muttered after a short while of observation, cadets and a few superiors eating lunch, momentarily stilling in their actions of feeding as they kept their gazes at the woman by the doorway, eyes full of sheer curiosity and confusion.  
   
Erian had set her fork down on her tray but kept her stance over you, the table containing you and your best friends seemingly the only one that hasn’t been making a sound since the sudden arrival of your superior. People around you have begun talking again, probably because they sensed no imminent threat after identifying the disturbance as one Hanji Zoe.  
   
The silence was due to anticipation though, probably because you four could make a pretty good guess Hanji’s arrival had nothing to do with food and everything to do with you.  
   
Suddenly, you stand up from your seat, ready to bolt out the door if needed because the sudden realization had hit you that if Hanji was here, then that meant it wouldn’t take long before the lot that went into forest training maintenance duty (Erian’s name for the task) would come bustling into the mess hall for a much deserved meal.  
   
Erian’s tight grip on your hand prevented you from running away without detaching your hand though, so you looked at the auburn haired girl with pleading eyes that screamed how unprepared you are at the moment if you had to confront a certain set of seven.  
   
“It’s okay, I don’t think they’re here.” Erian said reassuringly as she kept her stare at the woman by the doorway.  
   
“But—”  
   
“Erian’s right.” A new voice said in a raspy tone, your eyes then quickly darting to Hanji who has finally straightened up in her spot and started walking towards your table. “I purposely left earlier than the time we had to, with permission of course.”  
“For lunch?” Ysavelle asked with a raised brow.  
   
“Not exactly.” Hanji answered, the woman now standing on the edge of the table and peering down on the still abundant meal on your plate. The brunette then shoving a hand on her left trouser pocket as if feeling for something before she pulled out a small bottle with small white circles. “Medicine.” The woman blurted as she passed it over to Devan who was holding his hand out.  
   
Your best friends looked over at the bottle with expressions of mistrust, while you just tried to take another scoop of your meal to alleviate your anxiety. After a while of observations from pairs of bluish gray, brown, and hazel eyes though, Hanji had cleared her throat and snatched the small bottle of pills from the hands of your ravenette friend.  
   
“Sleeping pills.” The woman muttered with a nervous smile, and Erian, who has taken the bottle from Devan’s hold, was already probably prepping herself for a good tossing of the bottle into the nearest trashcan possible the second Hanji had finished naming the contents of the bottle.  
   
Before the auburn mopped girl could throw the bottle away though, you stood up from your seat abruptly, the shrill screeching of the chair from our sudden movement causing some cadets from the nearby tables to look back at you just in time to see you swiping the small bottle from Erian’s grasp harshly.  
   
“I asked for it.” You muttered quickly, holding the bottle to your chest as if it held all the answers needed in order to defeat the titans for good. “I talked to the medic about it yesterday...” You added, hoping your best friends would just drop the topic off.  
   
Except because Erian, Ysavelle, Devan knew you well enough to know that if you had to choose between drinking sleeping pills and not getting to sleep for a good month, then you’d go for the month without sleep simply because you didn’t really like using a sleeping aid due to an incident regarding an insane asylum three years ago.  
   
“You don’t need that actually, don’t you?” Erian muttered silently, the girl’s hazel eyes then scanning your colored orbs with obvious disbelief. “It’s the first time you’ve ever asked for it willingly after… after the—”  
   
“The asylum?” You finished the sentence with a shaky breath, your hands that have been clutching the medicine bottle now gripping with force enough to make you shake.  
   
Devan just regarded you silently, the boy already knowing about your lack of sleep firsthand when he went to bring you to the mess hall minutes earlier. Ysavelle seemed to understand something happened between you and Devan so she just stayed silent, though she wanted to bombard you with questions as much as a certain hazel eyed girl did.  
   
What was keeping the ravenette from talking though was the look in your face that just seeped with stress and fatigue. As if, if someone were to give you even just a small poke then you would have exploded to bits and pieces.  
   
“I haven’t been sleeping at all these days...” You continued reluctantly.  
   
“Is something wrong?” Hanji asked, the woman’s brows then scrunching up as the words left her lips.  
   
As much as you were able to, you wanted to just shut up and not talk to anyone. You understood the marvels talking things out would do, but there were just those times where talking didn’t always mean solving the problem.  
   
Okay, maybe you just really wanted to run away and ignore things hoping everything would go back to normal when the chances of that happening would be close to none. Your best friends only cared about you, and Squad Leader Hanji was like your guardian alongside Commander Erwin seeing as the two were the ones primarily responsible that you were still alive and breathing right this second.  
   
Without your parents in the picture, these five were the ones responsible for you and ensured that you wouldn’t be abusing yourself like you always did.  
   
“(F/n).” Hanji said sternly, a tone indicating that she needed answers and you had to present your case right that moment.  
   
Biting your lip, you sighed after a while and popped open the bottle of sleeping pills. “I just need help sleeping.” You said. “I haven’t been getting anything past two hours of chopped up sleep.”  
   
“You’ve had sleeping problems before and you didn’t need any help, even when we were the ones asking for it.” Erian reasoned out. “Are the nightmares kicking up again? D-do you want to sleep together? We can share a room like we occasionally do and maybe it can help—”  
   
“There’s a lot on my mind.” You cut the auburn haired girl with a wince at the harsh tone you didn’t mean to let out.  
   
“Then talk it out.” Ysavelle said with a subtle smile to encourage you but you shook your head to answer no.  
   
“It’s… just give me some time. I’ll probably figure things out. It’s not the nightmares… I just really have a lot on my mind. I’m not lying.” You stressed the word ‘lot’ and sighed.  
   
“The confession then.” Hanji sighed, and at this point in time you felt the awkward tension in the air when the superior mentioned those words.  
   
Sure, people were still talking all around you, but it was pretty obvious that the volume of the chatter dropped slightly and curious individuals were hoping to catch some details about the rumor going around inside the base that you were confessed to by a string of guys you were sure other girls would throw themselves over for.  
   
You guessed love was a nice thing to have, and you had to admit knowing someone liked you enough to see a future with you made you feel immensely happy and thankful for their feelings. But if you had to be honest with yourself, you couldn’t see yourself settling down or committing to anything else aside from wanting humanity and freedom being in the same sentence in factual terms.  
   
You joined the military to serve humanity, not exactly to embark on some romantic journey. Of course maybe at one point in time during your childhood you dreamt about finding some kind of prince like those written off in fairy tales. But when you grew up, you realized there was more to life than romance.  
   
What’s more, in a world where a simplistic whole in the wall can destroy what’s left of humanity and kill everything and everyone you held dear into your life, romance can take a back road to the depths of your mind because there were things of more importance that you had to pay attention to.  
   
“(F/n)…?” Erian’s voice cut your thoughts off, and you groaned when you realized that you’ve gone off into that little over-thinking world of yours.  
   
You sat down glumly for a moment before you set the still opened bottle of sleeping pills next to your soup bowl. And then you slapped both of your hands onto your forehead, with as much force as you could muster, a pained hiss then leaving you from the impact as you relished in the mixture of numbing pain and warmth quickly spread from the place where your hands were sticking to skin.  
   
Giving a small sigh, you then retracted your stinging hands from your forehead. The table was silent as you stared at your reddened palms, a mirror of the shade in your forehead for sure, but you opted not to think about changes in skin color at the moment as you grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills sitting on the table top and took it over to your soup bowl like it was a container of salt or pepper.  
   
About five or six pills were dropped when you popped the cap of the medicine bottle closed, and you set the clear container back onto the table silently.  
   
“I would really appreciate it if we drop this.” You said with a clenched jaw, finally having enough of the eavesdropping ears and the pushy questions. Not sleeping properly for days always made you irritable, that was a given. It’s really surprising you haven’t snapped at anyone the first day you woke up from what was just half an hour of sleep.  
   
“It’s taking a toll on your health!” Ysavelle said from her spot, her hands slamming onto the table in her attempt to conceal the worry she’s feeling. “It’s been two weeks (F/n)! You think we like seeing you like this? Heck, we don’t even see you that much at all!”  
   
“What Ysa is trying to say is, we want to help you and things have to be resolved today, otherwise you’ll never get to sleep right.” Erian said with an anxious smile, hoping to disperse the sudden glare contest that begun with you and Ysavelle.  
   
Grunting, you placed your head in your palms and sighed. “Well what do you want me to do?”  
   
“Talk to them.” Devan stated the obvious.  
   
“Why the fuck was it me?” You said under your breath, completely ignoring the beige haired boy’s sentence.  
   
Hands then pried your palms away from your face, Hanji’s brown hues keeping your (e/c) gaze to hers before she bent down and propped her upper body by crossed elbows. “Just reject them. It’s okay. They’ll understand.”  
   
“It’s not that easy. I… I’ve looked up to them for longer than I can remember and it’s just—humanity is on the brink of extinction!” You raised your voice and clenched your hands into fists on the table. Erian took one closed fist of yours and encased it with her warm hands, a thumb of hers then rubbing small circles on the back of your clenched fist. “I’m not ready to commit to anything but training. I joined the military for that reason. We—we’ve lost too much already… And I’ve seen so many people die and I’m still beating myself up over their deaths even months after.”  
   
“It wasn’t your fault they died…” Erian tried to soothe you, but you shook you head and felt the tears burning into your eyes. “Y-you were a child back then and the last expedition was—”  
   
“Erian.” Devan stopped the girl from talking and the hazel eyes girl just huffed.  
   
“I just don’t like seeing you like this. It’s as stressful for me as it is for you.” Erian sighed. “Dev and Ysa might not show it but they’re being affected too. You’re out best friend. And I don’t fucking care if you hate me for it but I want to see you okay again… even if I have to force you.”  
   
For a moment, no one spoke a thing on your table, and you knew the nearby tables were awkwardly just trying to continue their conversation just so they wouldn’t feel the tension. After a few minutes of silence pouring from your lips, Hanji then stood straight back up and went to the kitchen with calculated strides.  
   
It wasn’t that long when the woman returned with a tray of food carrying an amount fit for two people. And when she reached the table, she swiped the medicine bottle and your drugged soup to the side before giving you a fresh bowl of steaming soup. “Eat a proper lunch, and settle things with them later.” Hanji muttered understandingly. “If you’re worried about losing them as friends, it won’t happen. I can promise you that.”  
   
You nodded silently, and the woman ruffled your hair before she sat down across from you and began her meal.  
   
This time around, you were able to get at least more than a half of the bowl done before you decided you couldn’t take anything anymore. Anxiety was bubbling in your gut tenfold but you did realize squad leader Hanji was right. The sooner this was over with, the better things would be.  
   
You engaged in small conversations with your friends and the brunette superior for a while, the four most likely trying to get you to calm down before you had to put an end to these sleepless nights. It was an hour later when the mess hall was barely occupied that Hanji finally decided to take you across hallways and past flights of steps to where she said the boys and corporal would be.  
   
In the back of your mind, you knew the woman might have plotted this from the very beginning, but you didn’t bring the topic up because you just wanted to get things over with.  
   
Your best friends were left in the mess hall after giving you their own encouragements: Erian gave you a hug, Ysavelle squeezed your hand, and Devan was oddly the verbal one this time when he said things would be fine. The three didn’t tag along with the reason that they knew you liked to do this alone. Hanji was also just bringing you to the venue and then leaving you.  
   
The slight jingle of keys alarmed you, and you looked onto Hanji’s firm grasp on your right wrist as she led you through another set of hallways. And then suddenly you felt a shiver down your spine when you took a look around the familiar paths, the quick attempt of pulling your hand away from the brunette’s grasp looking a little too desperate.  
   
“C-can’t we just meet in the mess hall? Or in your office? My bedroom?” You blurted, causing Hanji to stop in her tracks as you kept trying to pull yourself away from her grasp.  
   
“They’re on cleaning duty I think. It will be quick. Don’t worry.”  
   
“No.” You said quickly.  
   
“I thought we talked about this already?” The woman said confusedly.  
   
“I know. I know.” You muttered. “Just—this place is—”  
   
“You’ll be fine (F/n).” Hanji said reassuringly and began pulling you through more familiar hallways before she stopped in front of a doorway that made your heart drop to the floor.  
   
“S-squad leader.” You barely let the words out, immense amounts of panic and fear filling you from head to toe as you tried to harshly pry yourself away from the woman’s hold. Of course, your weakened attempts were ineffective and soon enough Hanji was knocking on the door.  
   
“There’s no need to be nervous.”  
   
“I know but this—”  
   
Before you could finish your sentence though, Hanji had pushed you towards the room and closed the door, the resulting click on the other side of the door telling you the woman intended to lock you in until you’re sure you’ve resolved the problem. And you felt dread pour out of you as you started to pound on the door like your life depended on it.  
   
“H-hanji?!” You said from the other side of the door.  
   
“I’ll let you out when you’re done. I’ll be going to my office for a bit.” The woman cheerily replied.  
   
“No! Wait! Open the fucking door!” You began, but the woman’s retreating footsteps made your mind race and your heart beat faster that you’re sure it would burst out of your chest.  
   
Your pounding on the door became too violent, and your closed fists were shaking. Tears have begun to cascade down your cheeks in copious amounts, and then you felt someone pull you back from the door and turn you around, blurred eyes catching nothing but blobs of colors and unidentifiable objects.  
   
“(F/n), what’s wrong?” A voice called, but you were too lost in your thoughts to recognize it.  
   
Your mind had a picture already set for you though, and even though you should have known what was standing before you were a group of superiors you knew too well, your clouded mind was conjuring up a different scenario.  
   
Without thinking, you then slammed the person holding you down on the ground with as much force you could muster and you scrambled to the door, sitting on the foot of the wooden contraption while bringing your knees up to your chest and your hands slamming your ears shut, your eyes squeezing themselves close as well, as tears spilled continuously.  
   
“(F/—)”  
   
“Don’t fucking get near me you piece of shit!” You shouted. “I will kill you… I will… I’ll fucking kill you…” You mumbled and shook.  
   
“(F/n), it’s us—”  
   
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!” You screamed and squeezed your eyes tighter. “You’re gone… I was done with you. No…”  
   
The people standing in front of you looked at you worriedly for a few moments in your defensive posture. This wasn’t about the confession they guessed, because it didn’t look like it was them you were referring to. And it was then that Lance Corporal Levi gave the room a once over and his eyes widened as realization dawned on him.  
   
“Fucking glasses.” Levi seethed under his breath.  
   
“Sir?” A boy with a buzz cut muttered.  
   
“This room.” The corporal simply stated. “Hanji set us up in the same fucking room.”  
   
“What?” Another voice joined, this time, the words coming from a tall boy with dark hair and olive green eyes, those same hues flickering over at your form huddled and crying onto the doorway.  
   
“Guys…” A blond boy muttered and set his blue orbs to the floor beneath his feet. Armin’s actions then caused the rest of the confused lot to set their sights on the gray stone floors as well, except for the lance corporal who didn’t need to look at the floor to know the washed out stain of crimson.“This is the same room she was detained in four months ago…” Armin muttered under his breath, the resulting flinch you gave confirming the boy’s statement.  
   
No words were exchanged from the soldiers as Armin’s word took some time to settle in. Your breathing was becoming more shallow and quicker than the last by then. It was painful to breathe too, and your head began to throb painfully enough that you would rather have it burst. You were without a doubt having a panic attack, and it wasn’t a good sign.  
   
Before you could break down further, someone had harshly pried you away from the door and you heard loud sounds of banging, each hit of the wood making you flinch and your breath hitch.  
   
“It’s okay, you’re safe.” You heard someone say as you were held tighter, and you were pretty sure it was Eren but you couldn’t be too sure.  
   
After several attempts and the door still wouldn’t budge, you heard the sound of a window opening forcefully, things becoming such a blur that you couldn’t comprehend anything but for sure the next minute that came by, walls of gray that felt like they were closing in on you had turned into fields of greenery.  
   
It appears the boys still had their gear intact (thankfully), and used it instead to escape the room through a window.  
   
“Fuck…” You muttered to yourself when you leaned against a castle walls and heaved, a red flush in your cheeks appearing as you thought about how embarrassing you acted earlier. “Sorry…” You said while attempting to breath.  
   
“We might need to call a medic.” You heard someone say, and you shook your head quickly.  
   
“I’m… okay.” You panted and coughed harshly, your body crouching with the force, allowing a hand to come and rub soothing circles over your back.  
   
Using the sleeves of your long-sleeved shirt, you then wiped tears away from your face and blinked the remaining droplets away. Your eyes felt like they were burning, and you heart seemed to still be in that in-an-expedition-outside-the-walls state. The panic and fear had subsided tremendously enough though, and you brought your eyes up finally to recognize six people standing over you half protectively, half worried and fulltime murderously (for Hanji most likely).  
   
The person rubbing your back was Connie, and you gave him a weak smile as you pushed yourself off the ground and leaned on the wall.  
   
“It wasn’t supposed to go like that.” You said after you finally caught your breath enough to speak. “I… I’m sorry. It’s in the past. I over reacted…”  
   
“We should have realized it sooner though.” Reiner was the first to speak, and you gave him an anxious smile before you wrung your fingers together.  
   
“I umm…” You began.  
   
“We know.” Eren interrupted you and flashed you a smile.  
   
“I’m really thankful.” You started again, and the people before you just stood there silently, waiting for you to let out what you should’ve done weeks ago. “I really appreciate the confession… and as much as I’m confused about why it’s me—”  
   
“You really should stop degrading yourself.” Jean remarked.  
   
“Honestly, I’m sure a lot of girls would throw themselves at your feet.” You said back, yourvoice still hoarse from your fit a while ago. And then you weakly waved a hand from side to side to dismiss the topic because that wasn’t what you wanted to talk about right now. “I just… look. I’ve looked up to you guys back when I was still a trainee. And I’m really sorry but I don’t find myself committing to anything else but training and saving humanity…” You trailed off.  
   
“That’s understandable.” Bertholdt gave you a smile. “We’re sorry if we made it hard for you these past few days. Your friends said you haven’t been sleeping well.”  
   
“It’s okay.” You smiled back. “I was honestly scared. I didn’t know how to react… like I said I looked up to you guys and I didn’t want to have to make things—”  
   
“Nothing will change, we can assure you that.” Connie said reassuringly from a little ways beside you.  
   
“I've never been in a situation like this before so I still would like to apologize for running away on you guys. My actions were definitely rude.” You muttered. “Sorry you fell in love with someone who currently doesn’t see herself settling in the nearby future.” You joked.  
   
“Does that mean you can change your mind?” Jean asked reluctantly, and you gave him a smile.  
   
“…I suppose.”  
   
And you and your superiors talked for a good moment, just random topics to lift your mind and fully calm you down. You were just relieved that things were over now, and soon enough you found yourself dozing off in your sitting position on the side of the castle, causing all boys, and captain to look at you and silently feel happy that at least you were fine now.  
   
They did know you would reject them, but they still wanted to try. And you said you might change your mind later on so that was something each of your superiors could look forward to.  
They fell in love with a headstrong person laced with too many cracks. And it was the best decision they could have ever made—even if you didn’t reciprocate their feelings back.  
   
It might take years, but whether you change your mind or not, they were just content to see you like this. At peace, without a problem in the world, and though you would hate it if you found out, they would still try to protect you as much as possible because that was how much you meant to them.  
   
A soft breeze blew by, your soft snores allowing a few smiles to appear before someone cleared their throat.  
   
“So… who’s carrying her back to her room?” Reiner said tensely, each person present and awake already thinking of a reason as to why they should be the one to bring you up to your room.  
   
“Leave it to me!” A new voice rang through the air though, an auburn haired girl them appearing seemingly out of thin air and strode over to you. “It lessens the fighting.” Erian muttered happily, your best friend relieved that you finally got over what’s been troubling you.  
   
Admittedly though, Erian was a little confused about why you were outside when she was sure when Hanji briefed her, and her other two best friends about the plan the brunette superior had to help you, the hazel eyed girl remembers the mentioned plan involving a set up in a room somewhere inside the castle, not outside.  
   
“Cadet.”  
   
“Yes, sir?” Erian said rather stiffly, her thoughts halting with the dangerous glint in that one word, spoken by none other than the lance corporal.  
   
“Where the fuck is Hanji?” Levi said nonchalantly.  
   
“Umm… t-the—she… I think she went to her office sir.” The auburn haired girl answered confusedly. “Permission to ask wh—?”  
   
Erian ended her sentence off bluntly, her looks turning more confused by the second when all she heard was quick footsteps midsentence, and the sound of the door slamming open frantically. She guessed there might have been an issue that was of importance involving the brunette squad leader, but that wasn’t something she was sure of.  
   
Besides, her priority was bringing you to a better place for a nap, otherwise you’d wake up with a stiff neck and a couple sore spots that will further discomfort you in sleeping.  
   
“That was odd.” Erian managed to say in a whispering tone to no one in particular before she let you lean on her back slowly.  
   
It didn’t take long before the hazel eyed girl had you in a piggyback ride back to your bedroom. The distant crashing sounds, from an office near your room caused the girl to backtrack and take you towards her room though, where surprisingly, a beige haired boy and ravenette were chattering about training techniques.  
   
“Is she okay?” Ysavelle stood up from Erian’s bed and helped her best friend lay you down on the covers.  
   
“She is.” Erian responded, and then she walked over to the opened doorway and closed it softly. “It was noisy near her room so I brought her here.” The girl continued with a sigh. “Must be some cadets rough housing…?”  
   
“(F/n)’s room is located alongside the offices though.” Devan spoke, the boy looking over at you for a moment to check if the sound of his voice was silent enough to not wake you.  
   
“I don’t really know…” Erian said thoughtfully. “But anyway, I saw (F/n) and the others talking on the far, east side of the castle outside. Vien was the one who saw them first and told me she overheard something about scaling the walls to get away from a room on the secluded side of the castle that was off limits because of… what happened… four months… ago…”  
   
Ysavelle drew in a breath and used her thumb and index finger to rub the bridge of her nose, your three best friends then glancing at your seemingly pale form before they realized what happened. “Squad Leader Hanji…” The ravenette sighed, knowing the sounds of chaos Erian must have heard came from her office room.  
   
“So… umm…” Erian said under her breath.  
   
“Dev’s gone...” Ysavelle remarked to the open doorway.  
   
“To Squad Leader Hanji’s office we go.” Erian muttered frantically as she grabbed the ravenette’s hand and they both ran off into the direction of a brunette squad leader’s office.  
   
And that was the last that was heard in the room you were sleeping in except for the increasing sounds of things crashing about a floor above yours, and your two female best friends trying to shout over the noise and stop bloodshed from happening.  
 

 

Bonus—One year later:  
   
“Alright! Listen up cadets!”  
   
The chattering came to an abrupt stop as soon as your voice echoed through the fields. Almost automatically then, salutes erupted with such precision from the mass of people standing in front of you in straight rows extending up to the dozens.  
   
As soon as a collective ‘yes, sir!’ rang in the barren grounds followed by a satisfied nod from you, a hand had patted your shoulder. Turning your head to the side, you saw your three best friends all lined up next to you, Erian then walking to occupy your vacant side as you stared back at the people standing stiffly in front of your four.  
   
“Because of issues, Instructor Shadis, and other instructors won’t be here until a month later.” Erian began. “So members of the Scouting Legion will personally see to your training for a while. Got that?”  
   
“Yes, sir!” A chorus of voices answered.  
   
“We’re not the ones who’re going to train you by the way.” Erian continued. “The veteran members will. We’re just filling in because they have commitments to attend, but will be here shortly. As for an introduction, my name is Erian Castell, a graduate of the 105th Trainees Squad and second-in-command of The Repression Squad.”  
   
Chatters erupted about, causing you to fidget in your spot as you knew people have begun talking due to the reputation The Repression Squad has gained in the span of over a year.  
   
“I’m Ysavelle Faust.” A strong voice cut your thoughts off. “Head of the medical team during expeditions and, I handle cargo and supplies mostly, and I’m a casual member of The Repression Squad when they need it.”  
   
“Devan Ixtovia.” The boy before you continued the introduction session. “I serve on the team of Commander Hanji Zoe. I handle the scouting flanks but serve under (F/n) most of the time.” He gestured towards you.  
   
Taking a deep breath, you shook off the feeling of eyes on you. “(F/n) (L/n), appointed as the squad leader of The Repression Squad.”  
   
You could hear the chattering grow, not really a surprise though as you knew that The Repression Squad has become an effective unit of the Scouting Legion and became a close second to the Lance Corporal’s Special Operations Squad. You couldn’t care about the reputation though, as you were only thankful that during the year that has passed no member in your squad needed replacements.  
   
“Any questions?” Ysavelle asked.  
   
Some people raised their hands and you went through each and everyone, answering questions about schedule issues and some rather personal ones about rumors and fallen comrades that you were thankful Devan had answered for you.  
   
One question had you stilling from your tracks though as you sped past trainees wanting to ask about general military concerns.  
   
“Umm… sir? A-are you looking for someone to umm…” A male cadet murmured in his spot, his salute one of the best you’ve seen so far, the tint on his cheeks had you worried the boy might faint though. It was quite a hot day after all, and the blaring sun wasn’t making things any cooler.  
   
“Cadet, is something wr—” You began, but was cut off by an auburn haired best friend.  
   
“Don’t get your hopes up, kid.” Erian joked around as she engulfed your neck in a casual hug from behind. “There’s a waiting list.”  
   
You playfully smacked Erian out of embarrassment and walked away to your office in the training grounds with a tint to your cheeks, Devan’s smirk along the way causing you to hurry up in your steps, with Ysavelle joining along to keep you company and possibly help you polish the training schedule given to you two weeks before your departure to the reminiscent training grounds.  
   
It was the first day for the 106th Training Division, and due to health issues and other familial or military tasks, the instructors who handled the trainees had to turn the task over to other capable people until their respectful return a month later.  
   
 And during a meeting in your faction, it was tasked that The Repression Squad would help with the training during the month due to the collective agreement that the members of said squad had enough on-hand experience for the job.  
   
As for a recap on the current members of The Repression at this time, it was the usual you, Erian, Leanah, Aria, Ruthe, and Kent, with the recent additions of Vien, who has become close to you the past year, alongside Seth who was also a batch mate from the 105th and member of the top ten when you graduated. Ysavelle and Devan were occasional members, depending on the weight of the operation, and sometimes the group would split, with you handling a half, and Erian taking care of the other.  
   
Now back in the training fields, Erian had given the boy you left a smile and crossed her arms. “Honestly, though, you don’t want to join the waiting list. Otherwise the people in it might make it so you wouldn’t last in a single expedition, yeah?”  
   
“Erian, stop scaring them.” Devan sighed from the distance.  
   
Just then, Aria and Kent started setting up for hand-to-hand combat and began explaining the rules. Seth and Vien had also made an appearance to announce that the rest of the Scouting Legion tasked to help in training will arrive in an hour, leaving Erian to stand by Devan, a confused and slightly terrified male cadet standing his ground as the auburn haired girl stood back up at the front of the plethora of possible soon-to-be military cadets.  
   
“I wasn’t joking by the way…” Erian muttered towards her brown eyed friend when she had settled in her position.  
   
Devan only smirked and ruffled her hair before staring back into the rows of stiffly lined people. “I know, but we need a lot of recruits...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple more endings to go, which I hope I can finish soon ;//v//;)'
> 
> I hope you all have a lovely day too!


End file.
